From - A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday. How many caregivers put themselves through unnecessary stress trying to re-create Christmas traditions? While a tree, decorations, meals, and gifts remain important, too many allow trappings to eclipse the season’s meaning. Sometimes, the fear that this may be our loved one’s last Christmas pushes us to ensure everything is perfect. But what have we accomplished if we’re exhausted or resentful by December 26? One of the great joys I’ve experienced living in Montana is the opportunity to slow down. When we lived in Nashville, it seemed we raced around at breakneck speeds. The Christmas season there seemed frenetic on a good day. Here in Madison County, I am learning to move at the pace of the weather, the people, and the odd deer, elk, or cow on the road. If, as Andy Williams so spectacularly sang, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” should we not savor Christmas rather than suffer through it? The decorations don’t have to look like last year’s. The menu may change, and the gifts may be more personal than opulent. The time we spend with one another and reflecting on the season’s meaning brings more value than our labors or purchasing powers. Nostalgia doesn’t spread Christmas cheer—hearts do.    May we not “spend” Christmas or “observe” Christmas but rather “keep” it. —Rev. Peter Marshall

I recently did an interview with Seth and Deb Quad Cities radio (Moody). In this interview I provided the background of how Gracie got to where she is and what sustains us through this.

For as long as I can remember, when my father came home from reserve duty in the military, he brought my brothers and my sister a pack of M&M’s. Stretching past his military service as a chaplain, he and my mother extended the treats when we returned home from school. Each time we arrived with our luggage (sometimes filled with dirty laundry), we’d walk into our rooms to find a bag of M&M’s waiting on the pillow. When they moved away from the house where they raised 5 sons and a daughter, their new home carried the tradition. Bringing our wives, then children, and now even our grandchildren, the familiar brown-bagged treats (sometimes the yellow bags of peanut M&M’s) from my parents awaited every family member. Except this year. Nearly succumbing to congestive heart failure, my mother endured a dramatic and difficult year—as did my father. A US Navy chaplain (Captain) and pastor for nearly sixty years, my father stepped into the role of caregiver for the first time, and I watched the process take a toll on him. It felt odd. While I’ve cared for my wife with severe disabilities for nearly forty years, I’ve never seen my dad in this role. I found myself placing a hand on his shoulder much like he did for me many times following my wife’s now eighty-plus operations. He sat with me in countless ICUs, hospital rooms, and waiting rooms. Now I sat with him. His seasoned faith remains intact and strong, yet he struggled to wrap his mind around the relentless assault of continued medical setbacks. With the same gentleness and encouragement he offered to me over decades of caregiving, I returned the favor. I’ve often heard that “…There’s no pain like watching your children hurt.” Watching your parents hurt must run a close second. With a herculean effort by medical staff, along with my mother’s grit, she pulled through. While not where she’d like to be, she’s further than most expected. After a couple of months away from them, we returned to their home for Thanksgiving. They look tired, older, but optimistic. The family pulled together, and the house looks great. The only significant difference I noticed was an oxygen tank in their bedroom. For the first time in my memory, however, no M&M’s waited on the pillows. The absence of those treats indicates a passage and a farewell to parts of who they used to be. Their home stands in a heavily wooded area of upstate South Carolina. As we prepare for Thanksgiving, the trees surrounding their home continue shedding an entire color palate of leaves. The loveliness of autumn is a sad one that brushes hearts the same way the wind grazes branches. So it is when watching those who loomed large in our lives diminish in vigor but not in beauty. As many will attest, shedding smaller things—the wisps of everyday things taken for granted—often brings a tear. Deep feelings often rise to the surface faster during holidays. For many Americans, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a difficult season of slow goodbyes, bittersweet celebrations, and the ache of absence for some. Yet, not all is sorrow. Slowing our lifestyles to the pace of our hearts, we can cling to each other a bit tighter. After dinner, we can pause a little longer at the table—or sit quietly for an extra couple of minutes with those we love. If a chair is empty, we can fill that seat with cherished memories. Families nationwide feel this kind of heartache that is deeply connected to caregiving. Helping those caregivers is challenging, yet it remains critical to the caregiver and their loved one. Part of that help is assisting caregivers in grieving without them sinking into despair. Doing so always involves redirecting our gaze to gratitude. The treats I’ve enjoyed for a lifetime no longer await me, but the loving hands that placed them are still here to hold. Placing that candy on their pillows instead, I now possess a greater understanding of the joy they both shared—for a lifetime. I discovered gratitude can be found this Thanksgiving in something as simple as a bag of M&Ms.

From "A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday." The Comfort of Gratitude Resentment can lead even the best of hearts into poor judgment, wrath, and even self-destruction. For caregivers, the fight against bitterness remains perpetual. Maybe family and friends left us out to dry, a bad medical call, an employer fired us in a vulnerable moment, or a drunk driver who caused incalculable pain—there seems no end to the opportunities to hold a grudge. Some caregivers even resent themselves, while others shake their fists at God. Regardless of the resentment’s object, the one who carries the hatred pays the highest price. The only antidote to the poison of resentment is gratitude—the “…virtue from which all others spring.” Gratitude always leads to peace of mind, but bitterness only swindles serenity by deceitfully making us feel powerful in our wounded hearts.  Thanksgiving is not simply a meal—nor even a holiday; it’s a way of life that refuses resentment’s tyrannical hold on our souls. While incurred wounds are real and painful, they can only fester when we nurse them with the septic cloth of resentment. Thankfulness washes those wounds clean and allows them to heal.  The soul that gives thanks can find comfort in everything; the soul that complains can find comfort in nothing. —Hannah Whitall Smith

Forty years is a long time. It's even longer when every day is filled with pain, disability, and struggles. Today, November 18, is the fortieth anniversary of the devastating car accident that changed Gracie's life.  Listen to her recount that day - in her own words. There's a special bonus following Gracie reading the prologue from her book.    's

I don't know about you, but I need easy reminders on how I can improve my quality of life as a caregiver - ways to get healthier. So, a while back I came up with an easy reminder for myself - and I shared it on this episode. 

As a Caregiver, do you often feel lost in someone else's story?  It happens.  Recovering your identity is the first step towards becoming a healthier caregiver. In this episode, we'll talk about "losing the melody" and how our vocabulary gives us away when we have lost our identity.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

"Fearless Even When Vulnerable" is one of the things Business Nitrogen CEO, David Asarnow, looks for in his clients - because he understands that concept better than most.  His passion, faith, and fearlessness have prompted him to stand up and make his voice heard in the aftermath of the terrorists attacks by Hamas against Israel.  David and I have been friends for many years, and I saw my friend's anguish and courage - so I invited him to the program to share his heart.  I am confident that you will be profoundly inspired by his words and passion.  "Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! “May they be secure who love you!" - Psalm 122:6 Peter Rosenberger HopeForTheCaregiver.com

Admittedly, it's hard to know what to say to a struggling caregiver. Yet, in the absence of not knowing what to say, people often say things that are unhelpful - or even more burdensome.  Here are three things to avoid telling caregivers - and suggestions for what to say instead.

Guideposts' Editor-in-Chief shares his deeply personal - and hopeful - journey of faith through his mother’s Alzheimer’s and his own fear of getting the disease.  

From "A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday. Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots. “Work the problem and fly the plane.” The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one’s eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes—particularly when piloting an aircraft. Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer’s disease, alcoholism, or addiction—all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from “flying the plane.” Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can’t. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers. While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate “on-the-job training” environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That’s why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm and “work the problem and fly the plane.”  Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. —Proverbs 4:25 

What is something that YOU like?  It's been my experience that many caregivers struggle to express a heart's desire. Do you?  If so, listen to this opening monologue from my radio program that aired on 10/7/2023 www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

A caller named Bill once shared on our caregiver program that his father was an abusive alcoholic for years. His father has now suffered a stroke and requires extensive care—but sadly still drinks. Even though Bill is over fifty with a wife and kids, he shared that he still feels like a terrified nine-year-old when he’s around his father.  Bill’s dad made his own decisions—ones that evidently did not involve a recovery plan. I shared with Bill that he can only do his best, but his family needs the fifty-year-old version of BILL—not the nine-year-old one. Bill’s well-being remains paramount to his family. To be blunt, while desirable, his father’s well-being does not. Although it sounds harsh, the reality is Bill’s dad may not make it, but Bill must. I commended Bill for ensuring his father’s safety and care despite the trauma the man caused. But I also cautioned Bill on the importance of securing his own care and well-being by attending a recovery program for family members of alcoholics and even counseling. Honoring your mother and father does not mean honoring alcoholism, addiction, or even abuse. It’s ironic how we can still get hurt by something we’ve seen coming. —Anonymous

From Sept 30's broadcast.  We covered quite a bit of ground in this episode.  Caregivers and Control (or the lack thereof) Caregivers and Content (what do we feel our minds with?) Caregiver and Comportment (would you trust your loved one to a physician who comported themselves like some of our elected officials have recently? 

From "A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS- When Every Day Feels Like Monday." Playing for Chickens There’s an old story of a farmer who struggled to find ways to help his chickens lay more eggs. After trying numerous techniques, he heard of the beneficial effects of music and tried playing the flute for his chickens to help them lay more eggs. Sitting beside the coop, he diligently spent hours at a time performing beautiful songs in hopes of providing a better “egg-laying” environment. After doing this for several weeks, he noticed the number of eggs never changed. Although tempted to be discouraged, he continued playing for his chickens. After watching this activity for some time, a neighbor finally asked the farmer why he kept playing his flute for the chickens when it did not affect their laying eggs. The farmer replied, “The egg count didn’t improve, but my music did.” As caregivers, we may try all sorts of things to improve or help our loved ones. Their challenges, however, remain beyond our control. We can, however, improve ourselves in the journey and quite possibly discover beautiful music along the way. When we are no longer able to change a situation—we are challenged to change ourselves. —Victor Frankl

After teaching special education for 42 years, Debbra Laneville drew upon her vast experience to write what she learned in the classroom and in life from her students. Her new book is titled, You Can't Make This Up - Life Lessons from Special Kids. www.speciallessons.com   

“We’ve done everything possible to save this leg; all that’s left is amputation—when you’re ready, we’ll have that conversation.” Those words came from Gracie’s surgeon, following numerous operations to save her right leg that was crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Everyone in Gracie’s life, including me, had an opinion about this—and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time. At twenty-five, with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart. Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, “Gracie, this room is off-limits to every other voice telling you what to do. My job is to help quieten the noise so you can hear your heart and God’s leading.” Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Pastor Bob sat at his desk—no words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, “I’m terrified of doing this,” she whispered. Gaining strength, she continued, “But I can’t live this way any longer—it’s got to come off.” Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he’d be with her through the ordeal—and he kept his word. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache while assured they’re not alone. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave to your God to order and provide; in ev’ry change he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul; your best, your heav’nly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. —“Be Still, My Soul,” Katharina von Schlegel  

In a recent report from the American Medical Association (AMA) a list of the highest burnout rates among physicians are:  Emergency medicine: 62%. Hospital medicine: 59%. Family medicine: 58%. Pediatrics: 55%. Obstetrics and gynecology: 54%. Internal medicine: 52%. In this episode, I discuss our response as caregivers to this alarming report.

From "A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday." As caregivers, we regularly feel intense pressure to fix or achieve. Yet, despite our best efforts, many of the circumstances we face seem unyielding. Our self-judgment over things beyond our control often leads to an incorrect verdict of failure.  Taking a step away from the caregiving realm, consider the “Slap heard around the world” at the 2022 Academy Awards. When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on stage in front of a global audience, Chris Rock responded with extraordinary restraint. Maintaining his composure, Chris Rock continued with the show and walked away with nearly universal approval because he didn’t worsen an awful situation. Not only did he handle himself well on stage, but in the ensuing media frenzy, he remained quiet about the event. Rock chose to address the incident on his timing—when temperatures cooled. As caregivers, we regularly face situations that often tempt or provoke us into intense emotional reactions. Taking a page from Chris Rock, we can incorporate a simple strategy during uncontrollable experiences: Not making it worse counts as a win! When we restrain our emotions and master our response to any given circumstances, we live a bit calmer and can add more victories to the “win column.”  Liberty exists in proportion to wholesome restraint. —Daniel Webster  

Robert Burns penned the line "...the best-laid schemes of mice and men can go awry" more than 225 years ago in his poem "To A Mouse." The phrase seems appropriate for the constant changes to the best of plans. John Steinbeck turned the term for his classic, "Of Mice and Men," and the phrase in various forms permanently resides in our cultural lexicon.  This is the phrase that came to mind over the last few days.   On Friday (Sept 8th), Gracie was scheduled for another serious back operation (9 hours) in Denver. As we prepared to leave for the airport in Montana  - the surgeon's PA in Denver called and said that a stress test Gracie had the week before showed something concerning her heart. So we unpacked the car (we were leaving for at least a month's stay in Denver), and the surgery is postponed until she meets with a cardiologist (in two weeks). This operation (her 86th) is to straighten her back another twenty percent - so that she's less bent over (which is extremely painful while also causing her to fall easily). Part of the reason Gracie's had so many operations is the extensive work undertaken decades ago to save her legs - but over time, it resulted in significant damage to her back.  Gracie's life is hard - but she has "...strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow."  In the meantime, I recall the adage, "Blessed are the flexible ...for they shall not be bent out of shape."   "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

Drive By Diagnosis The term "Drive-By Diagnoses" accurately captures the shared experiences of countless caregivers. It's as though passersby morph into experts, leaning out the window to offer advice on caring for loved ones, irrespective of their connection or expertise. Comments like "Have you considered a new drug?" or "I know someone who swears by this" often emerge. One might even stumble upon stories of the latest extract from a miracle plant thriving solely in some guy's backyard in New Guinea. Worse still, discussions occasionally veer into divine judgment, implying wrongdoing as the cause of affliction. "What did you do that God would do this to you?!"  Despite many of these drive-by assessments arising from an unfortunate blend of ignorance and hubris, a few spring from well-intentioned hearts - albeit with clumsy delivery. Navigating unsolicited guidance proves a challenging path for caregivers. Fueled by desperation for relief, caregivers often teeter on the precipice of panic, and it takes little to drive them to yet another mirage in the desert of suffering. However, caregivers gradually realize that genuine comfort doesn't sprout from the latest potion, pill, or charismatic figure waging war on television against the "demon of sickness." Peace emerges when embracing difficulties with measured acceptance while selecting the companionship of those who walk alongside with compassion and humility - rather than merely hurling suggestions as they drive by. Scriptures remind us that even walking “…in the valley of the shadow of death," fear diminishes in God's presence. Yet, while God offers assurance, many opt for speculation and suggestions. Life remains rife with pain, suffering, solitude, and heartache – inescapable facets of the human journey. The book of Job teaches that more is going on than we can possibly understand – and hearts find strength, and circumstances become bearable when intentional companionship transcends uninvited consultations. “Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life.” – Bernard Williams    

The "silver tsunami" of aging Americans is here. Are the health needs of seniors different from those younger?  Do medications have a different effect? "I have seen it all. I have seen the business executive swindled by the neighbor, the loving wife who now chases her husband out of the house every night thinking he is an intruder, the woman who was treated with 40 medications… but still had pain, and agitation. – Elizabeth Landsverk, MD     Dr. Liz Landsverk has over twenty years of experience in providing medical care to the elders. She is board-certified in Internal Medicine, Geriatric Medicine and Palliative Care Medicine. Dr Landsverk founded ElderConsult Geriatric Medicine, a house calls practice, to address the challenging medical and behavioral issues often facing older patients and their families. Dr Landsverk was an assistant professor of Medicine at University of California, San Francisco, an adjunct professor of Medicine at Stanford University, as well as consultant to the San Francisco Elder Abuse Forensics Center and Hospice Medical Director. She is currently the Medical Director for Silverado and Kensington Dementia Care Communities, as well as on the Scientific Panel for the Alzheimer’s Association. Dr. Landsverk graduated from Stanford University and trained at Cambridge Hospital, Harvard University, and Mt Sinai Medical School. As a House Calls Geriatrician, she collaborates with local physicians to address the needs of complicated vulnerable elders to alleviate pain, agitation and discomfort through the utilization of geriatric and palliative care techniques. https://www.drlizgeriatrics.com/ 

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." - Robert Burns You would think after nearly 40 years of caregiving, I'd get the travel thing down cold. But a recent trip to Denver for a medical consult turned into a challenging event. I learned that, even after all these years, I need to go back to the fundamentals.   

A Path Through the Storm   When storms loom, media outlets often show footage of people placing plywood on homes and businesses and hunkering down. Caregiving is its own storm. Although sometimes receiving advance notice, caregiving can often descend like a tornado—and last a lifetime. If cameras followed caregivers, many daily activities might resemble the frantic bustle of those boarding homes and businesses. Imagine trying to build a five-year plan while simultaneously working to survive a hurricane. Incredulously, many caregivers regularly attempt such a feat. While the aftermath of hurricanes usually brings clearer skies that allow rebuilding, the lengthy caregiving storm usually ends at a cemetery—and the path to rebuilding appears shrouded in confusion, despair, and even desolation. Yet a path through and following the storm does exist. It’s called endurance. The challenges of caregiving can forge a resilience and resolve that spills into every area of life. Many faced with hardships lament, “How do I get out of this?” Caregivers (and others) can instead change that question to “What can I become through this?” Entire marketing ads promote tempting versions of success that sadly ring hollow as the years pass. Endurance remains its own success while standing the test of time.           " . . . knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope . . ." —Romans 5:3–4 esv   [AV1]

Genevieve Collins, State Director (Texas) of Americans for Prosperity, joined the program to discuss how AFP advocates for citizens crushed by health care debt. Americans for Prosperity is the premier grassroots advocacy organization transforming policy around the country.  A major part of how they do that is to hear from individuals and families and allow them to share their stories - all the way to state houses and even Congress. Genevieve shares how AFP in Texas advocates for families with severe and chronic medical challenges - and provides a voice for those who feel voiceless.  As Genevieve instructs in the interview, caregivers in Texas can go to https://personaloption.com/health-care/texas/  When legislation happens in Texas - other states follow. Sharing your story and challenges can powerfully affect legislation in the Lone Star state - and even nationwide.  _______________________________________ For nearly 40 years, Peter Rosenberger has cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. HopeForTheCaregiver.com 

"Many express difficulties in knowing how to help a caregiver, but most caregivers agree that it’s not complicated. Sometimes it’s just a bowl of soup and a kind word." - From - A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday.

What kind of relationship withstands the brutal onslaught of nearly four decades of medical trauma and 85+ operations? Well, ours has - but not because of us. In this episode, I share the origins of our relationship as Gracie and I recently celebrated our 37th anniversary. Despite the challenges, my goofiness, and my lack of abilities, God continues to sustain Gracie and me through "sickness and health..." and equips us to continue "Standing With Hope." See more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Facing Our Giants Before the famous altercation with Goliath, when David expressed anger at the blasphemous giant, one of his embarrassed older brothers who camped at the battle scene furiously derided him. But King Saul heard about David, and astonishingly, the king allowed the teenager to fight Goliath. Saul even put his tunic and armor on him. Saul was tall, but David wasn’t, and the king’s armor didn’t fit. Struggling to function in the ill-fitting battle garb, David removed it and faced Goliath his way—depending upon God’s might. David recognized he couldn’t succeed while wearing something that didn’t fit him. How many try to “conquer a Goliath” while wearing something that doesn’t fit? The conditions of our loved ones serve as formidable giants to us, and we can’t fight them while trying to be, do, and act like something that doesn’t fit us. David faced Goliath with his familiar sling—and his even more familiar trust in God’s abilities. While not a trained soldier, David’s love and trust provided the courage to face a giant. Most of us aren’t trained medical professionals—and we don’t have to be. When facing our giants, we can be ourselves and, with love and trust, remain confident the battle is the Lord’s.  “All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s.” —1 Samuel 17:47 niv  

Author Beth Marshall shares her journey through grief and how she remains "Uncrushed."  www.bethgmarshall.com  Beth Marshall is a freelance journalist, conference speaker, and author of Grief Survivor and A Time to Heal, a grief journal. After losing close family members, she began to journal through the difficult days of grief. As she wrote about her loved ones and started connecting with others, she realized joy-filled life after loss is possible!   

Harsh Judgment Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington’s disease (HD) on my program, they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn’t understand the nature of HD. After repeated arrests for shoplifting, violent behavior, and other issues, the judge commented from the bench that she felt this resulted from “bad parenting.” Unable to address the court or defend themselves, the couple shared, “We had to take it on the chin.” A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease that brutalizes both patients and their caregivers. Sadly, the judge chose to go with an uninformed decision—and a regrettable lack of compassion. While the judge’s comments remain grievous, how many caregivers “don the black robe” and make harsh and ill-informed pronouncements upon themselves while looking in the mirror?  Countless caregivers spend way too much time condemning themselves for the out-of-control behavior of someone else.  Whatever we wish that judge to have said to this broken and despairing couple, we would benefit from posting that same message on our bathroom mirrors. I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. —Abraham Lincoln

  Longtime friend, Dr. Dan Scott (Pastor, Counselor - and caregiver) called the program to discuss his new book, Faith In The Age of AI - Christianity through the Looking Glass of Artificial Intelligence. 

If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives, it would look like a forest. Each day we’re faced with numerous choices—and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes. Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect, and we don’t know what to do next. In those moments, we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step. The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down.  For that to happen, our decisions require “reduction.”  Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of “eating the elephant one bite at a time,” decision reduction helps us focus by redirecting our eyes from the myriad choices to the micro-steps in our path. Maybe the next right thing is to drink water, sit down with a bowl of soup, take a nap, or even go for a walk. Although the problem usually remains, we tackle it better with a calmer and more disciplined mind.  When offered this path, we invariably know the next right thing to do; we just usually need permission—not from others but ourselves. The Bible supports this when affirming that God’s Word is “a lamp unto my feet.”  It’s a lamp, not a searchlight.  Do the next right thing—with the light provided.   Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. —Henry David Thoreau  

Before you make that appointment with a counselor, take a few moments and do these things. 

One of the toughest issues caregivers wrestle with - is guilt. In this episode, we discuss a path to deal with the guilt. 

Aggressive Assurance During a recent medical event with my wife, she received significant time with the acute pain  management team. To my surprise, they engaged me, asked questions, and solicited my thoughts as Gracie’s longtime caregiver. Recognizing that post-operative pain management with her is a bit of a trick, they listened as I shared numerous “incidents” from her long journey.  After relating her history, I added, “In my experience, I’ve found that one of the most effective ways to help her is ‘aggressive assurance.’ Constantly reinforcing, ‘We’ve got you—and we’re on top of this.’” The pain management professor immediately jumped in and addressed his students, “I can’t agree more with the importance of assuring the patient— and easing the anxiety,” he stated emphatically.  “Chronic pain patients understand pain in ways we can’t because they live with it daily. They also know what it’s like to experience intractable pain and the terror involved when unable to  communicate—or the frustration of not being understood.” The students, professor, and I talked a bit more, and I watched them scramble to take notes and remember the importance of aggressive assurance for patients in pain.   Later, the professor returned to the room and specifically asked to see me. As he detailed the plan his team implemented to help Gracie, my eyes filled with tears when he looked at me and quietly said, “Caregivers also respond well to aggressive assurance.” From caring comes courage. —Lao Tzu Get this book: 

From "A Minute For Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday"

Dr. Larry Frazier, author of A Story Behind Every Hymn joined the program to discuss his passion for telling the stories behind hymns. An outstanding vocalist (opera, oratorio, church music), Dr. Frazier also served as a professor of music at the University of West Georgia. His radio program, The Hymn of the Week, continues to inspire audiences with the rich heritage of Christian Hymns.  Dr. Frazier is also a caregiver for his wife, Mary Lynn.  https://faithmusicconnection.com/dr-larry-profile 

One of the more challenging things that caregivers face is feeling disoriented. Caregiving hits are bodies, minds, emotions, professions, money, and relationships - often simultaneously.  We desperately need "situational awareness."  HopeForTheCaregiver.com

While many are accustomed to visiting or calling the elderly or informed - doing a welfare check - how many inquire about the caregiver? 

Lt. Col. Oliver North, USMC, Ret. joined me for a special conversation about his life as a caregiver for his wife, Betsy. I sent the manuscript of my new book, A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday to Col. North's publishing company (Fidelis Publishing). The manuscript resonated deeply with Col. North - who is in his own difficult caregiving journey. He not only expressed a great desire to publish this book but also graciously offered to write the foreword - which I included below:  Foreword by Oliver L. North  The Mayo Clinic diagnosis wasn’t good—but at least we had one, instead of guessing. After returning from an assignment as an embedded correspondent and host of War Stories on FOX News, I believed Betsy—the half-century-plus love of my life; my best friend on earth; mom to our four magnificent adult children; “Nan” to our eighteen terrific grandchildren—must have had a stroke. Lots of people, including my own mother, recovered from strokes. Betsy will too, I hoped. I was wrong. After several days of carefully examining Betsy and countless images of her head and body, the extraordinary doctors at Mayo gently delivered their findings— verbally and in writing: “Your wife has a degenerative, asymmetric brain disorder called corticobasal syndrome . . . It is characterized by apraxia and rigidity on one side of the body . . . These symptoms are often accompanied by dementia and ‘cognitive disarray’ . . . As of now, it is incurable, and untreatable . . .” My initial reaction to this devastating diagnosis was, "Betsy, you and I have been through a lot together. We have so many things planned for our “Golden Years”! I’m a U.S. Marine; we’re a team and followers of the Miracle Worker, Jesus Christ!" We’re going to beat this evil malady. But we haven’t. Shortly after we returned home from Rochester, Minnesota, MajGen John Grinalds, USMC (Ret), and his wife, Norwood—dear friends since the 1970s when their examples led us to our faith in Christ—came to visit us. After listening to the diagnosis, John asked, “Who are you feeling sorry for, Betsy or you?” After thinking about it, I replied, “Me.” John nodded and said, “Your new mission, Marine, is become the very best caregiver Betsy will ever have on earth!” Thus, began for me, the most challenging physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual experience of my eighty years on earth. That was nearly five years ago. Despite many months of reading, listening to “coaches,” viewing countless videos, even keeping company with several thousand terribly wounded Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Guardsmen, and Marines—and their families—I was exhausted and adrift on how to be Betsy’s caregiver. Then, Peter Rosenberger sent his draft of this inspiring book. Finally, I thought, someone who knows what I’m going through. He’s been there, done that! A Minute for Caregivers is now my “go-to” primer for every challenge I face in caring for my best friend. If being a caregiver to someone you love is part of your life, you need this book.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/book

My new book hits bookstores 5/31/2023. Each chapter offers 1-minute insights to help the family caregiver in THAT moment. Drawing upon a lifetime of caregiving, I speak to my fellow caregivers in a way that makes sense and settles their hearts down. I point them to safety.  Order the book today at:  Faithful Text (special discount) Amazon Wal-Mart Barnes & Noble Or wherever books are sold. 

In our ongoing series of helping caregivers stay safe, we tackle fighting a battle while trying to be something we're not. Plus, we delve into five common financial missteps. 

Emily Boothroyd of Merrit Finacial Advisors (www.merritfa.com) called the program to share insights for caregivers when dealing with finances. eboothroyd@meritfa.com Sharing five things to avoid; two of them are: Staying silent Trying to do it all Listen to the whole conversation and feel free to reach out to Emily for any questions you may have. 

So ...you want to get remarried, and you're being asked to sign a prenup? Have you considered having this conversation? 

Practical tips on sharing your message on the air ...  

A note from a Hope for the Caregiver group on Facebook prompted this monologue from our broadcast. 

From the radio broadcast 04/22

Coming up with titles of books and articles that I write is never easy for me - here's how I came up with the title of my newest book and the celebrity that helped me. 

From April 15-2023

I wrote a portion of this song in January - but finished it this week after the events at Covenant Presbyterian Church and the Covenant School. Gracie sang it Wednesday afternoon - and her heart broke as she sang these lyrics based in Psalm 102.   

Some heartaches we face defy words - but words are not always required. In those moments, we groan, and "...grieve with those who grieve and mourn with those who mourn."

Our church home for many years, we watched with great sorrow to see the unspeakable tragedy at Covenant Presbyterian Church

I often encounter fellow caregivers struggling in horrific circumstances.  And, I just as often unexpectedly encounter folks from all sorts of backgrounds who fight to find solid ground as caregivers. In this episode, I share some of those encounters and ask what your thoughts are about their circumstances - and what I offered. 

Author John Eldredge.  wildatheart.org 

All too often, caregivers fly under the radar and are often overlooked. Even when seen, many don't know what to say.  Sometimes, it's not about what you say, but how long you stay. 

My friend Kathy Harris, ( www.divinedetours.com ) talks about her books and the writing process, the long career she's had in the Nashville music business, and her journey as a caregiver. 

American Family Radio's Jim Stanley shares his thoughts on grief, sorrow, and ministry. 

How many caregivers put their lives on hold until their caregiving journey improves or ends?  Is that a good idea? I recently discussed something I am doing - while serving as a full-time caregiver, and invited fellow caregivers to do the same.   

We can always live in the wreckage of our past and wonder what could have been - but is that helpful? Hoping for a better past is futile. C.S. Lewis stated, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”   www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Roll With It Discussing the impact of his wife getting the flu, I heard a man commiserate, "The whole system shut down." He lamented his plight by referring to housekeeping, meals, laundry, the children and missed time from work, and their physical relationship. Asking how long her sickness lasted, he exasperatedly replied, "Four days!" Calculating internally, I considered that I'd logged more than twelve thousand days caring for a wife with significant medical challenges. In a moment of uncharacteristic graciousness, I quietly exited that conversation because I didn't trust my judgment to avoid sarcasm  – which would not have been helpful to either of us. The unfair job description placed on his poor wife notwithstanding, a medical event can indeed derail plans and routines instantly. After recovering from the flu, a family can usually return to the familiar, but with a chronic impairment, "getting back on track" can often prove impossible. One must create a new normal within the abnormal. After nearly four decades as a caregiver through a medical nightmare that has soared to eighty-five operations, I'm learning to shake hands with ambiguity. Caregiving, like inclement weather, requires flexibility and creativity. Routines remain essential, but peace of mind requires cannot be tethered to rigidity. "When life is too much, roll with it, baby!" - Steve Winwood  

From our broadcast 02/11/2023. Sometimes, law enforcement is required to help with caregiving challenges. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness, cognitive impairment - whatever the challenge, sometimes the cry for help is a 9/11 call. My friend Lance (*30 years as a police officer in Seattle) called the program to share some advice and insights for family caregivers facing those circumstances. 

Ever feel like a plate spinner as a caregiver? 

Mary Tutterow, author of The Heart of the Caregiver, shares her insights gleaned from 30+ years as a caregiving mom. https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/ From our broadcast 2/4/2022

From Hope for the Caregiver 01/28/2023  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

From our broadcast 1/21/2023 with special guest Hans Scheil, host of the FINISHING WELL podcast. 

From our broadcast 01/14/2023

Many caregivers are in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict - and spend enormous energy trying to "fix" or just contain the drama and challenges of that loved one.  We eventually discover we're powerless over their condition - sometimes after causing or experiencing great harm ourselves. Can we accept that - and if so, what do we do about it?   

From the 1/7/23 broadcast. Plus, a preview discussion of my new book hitting stores in May. 

Looking at 2022, I take time for an assessment - and the opportunities for us as caregivers to improve. 

"If we didn't need a cross, we wouldn't need a manger. This fresh, engaging look at the beginning of Jesus's life and ministry will change the way you comprehend Christ's early years. With unique, thought-provoking insights and commentaries from many of Christianity's leading theologians interspersed throughout, Epperson unwraps, layer by layer, a new understanding of the young boy who was the Son of Man." - 

My wife, Gracie, joined me for this special Christmas interview and discussed why she loves the snow so much.   

How are those four things connected? Take a listen to my opening monologue from the broadcast 12/17/2022

Colleen Swindoll Thompson's caregiving journey has included abuse, sexual trauma, and physical, emotional, and cognitive disabilities. Through it all, she's learned to run to Christ and anchor herself in God's faithfulness and provision - while helping her family and others do the same. See more at her website: Reframingministries.com  

From Our December 3rd broadcast. 

Tips on reducing the drama when flying or dealing with doctors. 

Our special Thanksgiving program and also a special monologue regarding my op-ed in the Washington Times. See Text Below.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Peter Rosenberger HopefortheCaregiver.com  Resentment can lead even the best of hearts into poor judgment, malice, and even self-destruction. While life provides ample opportunities to hold a grudge, the resistance to do so remains a triumph of the human soul. Sadly, that triumph can be elusive - and seems to be the plight of the 45th President. From barbed comments against those in his party and the pulpit-pounding of outrage, Trump's resentment oozes through each insult since the 2020 election (and prior). Although an honest media and objective law enforcement might possibly prove his election misconduct claims, Trump's well-being remains in his hands – not theirs. In the play, The Mourning Bride (1697), William Congreve penned the immortal phrase, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Clearly, Congreve had yet to meet a spurned politician while writing that line.   Artists possess a rare gift that turns personal misery into gold. People such as Sam Kinison, Denis Leary, Lewis Black, and others proved that with solid material, rancor and bitterness could even launch stellar comedy careers. With politicians, however, the audience needs more. Wit, comedy, and talent help, but the oratory must primarily raise – not descend to vindictiveness. Outrage motivates but fails to inspire.  Although living with quadriplegia for more than 55 years, Joni Eareckson Tada states, "Life becomes inspiring, not in spite of the problems and the hard hits, but because of them." The ability to see beyond the injuries and even injustices elevates one to greatness. Trump's accomplishments will speak for generations – maybe further. His policies of America first, a secure border, firm boundaries with trade partners and economic growth for the American people created a prosperous and healthy America in record time. Those things deserve recognition and should echo through the corridors of time.  Due largely to Trump, the Supreme Court finally rectified a national disgrace and reversed Roe vs. Wade. While the political capital spent proved costly in the midterm elections, what better way to expend that capital than promoting life? These accomplishments and more serve as towering achievements for Trump that eclipse many other Presidents. All of these things and more certainly qualify him for another term. Yet, while wrecking balls are essential in tearing down the dilapidated, they make poor tools to erect new construction.  Can Trump pivot to a “kinder, gentler” candidate? Should he? Despite exposing the media's bias and the extensive dysfunction in Washington DC, the transition to uniter has remain outside Trump's grasp. Relentless fighting on multiple fronts allows little time for building - and turning adversaries into allies requires a graciousness that is rare with the bloody sword of warfare. As the nation enters this uniquely American holiday of Thanksgiving, President Trump would not only serve himself, the country, and even the world better by using his unique platform to promote personal and national gratitude – to the exclusion of grievances. In doing so, he (and others) would discover that under quality leadership, mistakes – and even misdeeds by others – become opportunities for growth and improvement.  America does not crave a monarchy but most cry for nobility. The invitation to nobleness bids takers to step into the rare air of authentic leadership and greatness that can heal a nation and inspire beyond its flaws and limitations. If, as Trump states in every rally, we are a nation that only bows to God, then modeling that humility before God becomes paramount – and presidential. Are the gains for one man, for the nation, or for God? Katharine Lee Bates answered this when penning, "…Till all success be nobleness and every gain divine."      

On Friday, November 18, 1983, Gracie suffered the terrible car accident that permanently changed her life - and made a mark on so many others. In this episode, she recounts that day - and joins me to share her thoughts about her 39-year journey.  www.standingwithhope.cm/about

At Walter Reed ArmyMedical Center years ago, I listened to a man who, although missing both legs, cracked jokes with a contagious sense of humor. The soldier’s face quickly clouded over, however, when I pointedly asked him how things were back home. Looking down at his new prosthetic legs, he whispered, “My marriage is on the rocks, and it doesn’t look good.” The loss of his legs didn’t keep him from joking, but the wounds of his heart silenced the laughter. In that same PT room, Gracie, walked over to a soldier missing his right leg and lying on a table working with a physical therapist. Greeting him, the soldier rudely snarled at her. The physical therapist awkwardly tried to smooth things over and told the soldier that he might want to listen to Gracie.   Swearing, he brusquely communicated his aversion.   Although stunned, Gracie quickly composed herself and, holding a nearby railing, propped her right prosthetic foot (encased in a beautiful shoe, I might add) next to his head. He'd only seen her from the waist up, but his eyes turned to witness Gracie balancing on her left prosthetic leg.   "You're not the only amputee in here, big guy," she said while staring at him.   As the two of them locked eyes, the soldier in him nodded, and they talked for a while. He shared with her that he lost his leg from friendly fire, and his resentment from being hurt by his team remained apparent.   Showing her own weaknesses and demonstrating the courage to overcome them, Gracie confronted someone drowning in resentment over wounds that should not have happened. In the process, they both walked further down the path of recovery.

For a special Veterans Day episode, I interviewed Fernando Arroyo. Fernando considers himself privileged to serve those who served our country, with the goal of ending veteran suicide. He works as the Veterans Program Director at Step Forward Academy as a coach and mentor for veterans transitioning to civilian life. He helps them develop a career path to a living wage and connects them to a healthy community. www.paratrooperarroyo.com  

"Let Me Be Brutally Honest." A recent article listed annoying phrases permeating our culture's conversation. Statements like, "I'm sorry if I offended you" or "At the end of the day," were, of course, included – but an additional phrase buried in the list captured my attention: "Let me be brutally honest." Most at the receiving end of that phrase can affirm that what follows leans more towards brutal rather than honest. Like a fighter adjusting an opponent's chin to deliver a knockout punch, "let me be brutally honest" is often a setup to a haymaker. Those who lead with that phrase are not asking for consent. And it's doubtful they will accept "no" before charging ahead. Furthermore, while honesty often requires discretion, it does not need permission. And who wants to allow brutal treatment? Hearing that phrase from others is bad enough, but how many caregivers speak 'brutally honest" with themselves? Not with the intent to reform but rather to rebuke. Candid conversations offer clarity of circumstances without the berating. "Despite my mistakes, here's what's working– and what can improve." Constructive words and a softer tone (with others and ourselves) won't absolve failures and missteps but can promote a more honest evaluation – minus the brutality. The brutally honest person enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more. – Richard J. Needham

Boundaries can be troublesome for anyone - but many caregivers seem to struggle with boundaries daily.  In this special monologue from the broadcast, I delve into this issue - and more.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

How do you help anchor someone with a lifetime of abnormal circumstances to normalcy? How do you help yourself do so?  I recently discussed this on the show - as well as provided a few insights into the extraordinary person that is my wife, Gracie. 

Gospel artist, Pam Weston, called the program to share her incredible musical journey as an artist and songwriter. For years she's worked with a  who's who of Nashville greats.  But it was her song, Mama Can't Remember, that caught my ear and heart. The song was written about her mother, Charlotte, and Pam shares the story of her family and Alzheimer's.  Pam's story will touch your heart - and her tender performance of Mama Can't Remember will stay with you long after the song ends.  www.pamwestonministries.com/

From the national broadcast 10/15/2022.  Keeping it light is a must for caregivers and in the first block, I share a few recent things that made me laugh along the way. Gracie, of course, rolls her eyes at me - but she would still admit the humor of it all. (Not to be outdone, btw, Gracie can give it out better than most and she's a force of nature!)  In the second block, we talk about the importance of caregivers staying SAFE when dealing with unstable relationships.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com  Are you safe legally? If not, visit www.caregiverlegal.com!   

Mary Tutterow joined me today in a long-form interview exclusively for the podcast. Bringing more than 30 years of experience in caring for her daughter who suffers from an extreme seizure disorder, Mary offers hardwon insights into the deep and often troubled hearts of family caregivers.  https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/about/ 

"We've done everything possible to save this leg, all that's left is amputation – when you're ready, we'll have that conversation." Those words came from Gracie's surgeon, following numerous operations to save her right leg - crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Everyone in Gracie's life, including me, had an opinion about this – and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time. At twenty-five, with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart. Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, "Gracie, this room is off-limits to every other voice telling you what to do. My job is to help quieten the noise so you can hear your heart – and God's leading.” Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Pastor Bob sat at his desk – no words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, "I'm terrified of doing this," she whispered. Gaining strength, she continued, "But I can't live this way any longer – it's got to come off." Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he'd be with her through the ordeal – and he kept his word. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done, but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache – while assured that they’re not alone. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave to your God to order and provide; in ev'ry change he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul; your best, your heav’nly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. – Kathrina von Schlegel

From our 10-8-2022 broadcast In our fast-paced life, we are often tempted to make hurried decisions. For caregivers, the speed and pressure intensify - and the decision-making suffers. A listener shared his plight, frustration, and actions he considered while caring for his ailing mother.  Have you ever grasped at straws while desperately trying to deal with the challenges of caregiving?

In this episode from our 10/1/2022 broadcast, I tackle something that's been on my mind for many years - chronic pain and my view of God.  In America, the "coin of the realm" is the dollar. Metaphorically, in Washington DC, the currency - the coin of the realm - is power. In LA, it's fame - but what is the coin of the realm in God's economy? What has value to God - and how does it relate to us as family caregivers?  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

While in Ghana with our prosthetic limb outreach, Standing With Hope, Gracie and I visited a church in the port city of Tema. Following the service, I met a tall, impressive man wearing a flowing white traditional costume with gold trim. With a thick English/Ghanian accent, I heard him introduce himself as “…de King,’ Amos.” Never meeting a king, I felt a bit tongue-tied and stammered, “Sir, I apologize – I don’t know how to properly address you.”  With a huge smile, he offered in his deep voice, “Just call me “Amos.”  “Sir, I can’t just call you that,” I replied – but he graciously continued chatting. Shortly after, while attending a reception with the pastor, I exclaimed, “I just met the King!”  With a perplexed look, the pastor asked, “What King?” “The King, Amos,” I replied. Thinking for a minute, the pastor exploded in laughter and spoke in his native language to the room full of Ghanaians – who also started chuckling. Sheepishly, I asked him to explain.  With his equally thick Ghanian accent, the pastor laughed and shared. “You met a church officer, ‘Dea-con’ Amos – not ‘De King,’ Amos.”   Perceptions often cloud hearing. The man looked regal – and perception allowed my ears to misinterpret. While my mistake only resulted in laughter, many misconstrued conversations can result in hurt feelings, resentment, and fractured relationships.  Caregiving breeds isolation and isolation distorts perception – which leads to significant challenges. Asking for clarification, regardless of embarrassment, always trumps misunderstanding. Studies have shown that 90% of error in thinking is due to error in perception. - Edward de Bono

Sometimes, we're faced with such difficult circumstances - and it's hard to know how to respond. A woman asked Gracie and me what to do when her son chose to be transgendered - and was angry with her for keeping pictures of him as a boy in her home. I discuss a couple of these in my recent broadcast (9/17/2022)

My friend Susanne White joined the program to discuss her new book: Self-Care for Caregivers.  From Susanne's site www.caregiverwarrior.com  "As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers” which will be released September 6, 2022. “Self Care for Caregivers”  will be available at all major retail outlets including an audio version so you can listen on the go!"

Tom and Amanda Dwyer called the program to discuss their new documentary about a caregiving family titled "UNSEEN."  https://www.facebook.com/caregiverdoc  https://www.instagram.com/caregiverdoc/ About the “Unseen” Documentary www.caregiverdoc.com  The film follows Jess and Ryan Ronne, a blended family with 8 children, including Lucas, who has profound disabilities requiring total care. Their situation has gotten more and more challenging as Lucas gets older and stronger. With limited resources and support, caregiving takes a toll on their physical and mental health. It’s a common story among parent caregivers: the isolation, uncertainty about the future, lack of options, and a never-ending daily to-do list means the role of caregiver overpowers nearly every other facet of life. Video diaries from diverse caregivers featured in the film illustrate this universality, while interviews with mental health experts and policy/legal advocates provide a broader view on the societal impacts. Through the power of unfiltered, compelling human stories, Unseen cultivates compassion and tangible support for the caregivers in our communities.

Fly the Plane. Work the Problem Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots. "Fly the plane, work the problem." The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot. Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane." Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers. While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem." "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." -  Proverbs 4:25   Fly the Plane. Work the Problem Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots. "Fly the plane, work the problem." The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot. Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane." Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers. While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem." "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." -  Proverbs 4:25   Fly the Plane. Work the Problem Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots. "Fly the plane, work the problem." The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot. Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane." Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers. While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem." "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." -  Proverbs 4:25   Fly the Plane. Work the Problem Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots. "Fly the plane, work the problem." The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot. Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane." Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers. While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem." "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." -  Proverbs 4:25   Fly the Plane. Work the Problem Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots. "Fly the plane, work the problem." The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot. Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane." Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers. While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem." "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." -  Proverbs 4:2 Please share this podcast with others you feel it would help!  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving   

Dr. Betsy McCaughey chairs the Committee to Reduce Infection Deaths - and she joined the program to share their work and ways for patients (and their caregivers) to reduce their risk of contracting infections while in the hospital, assisted care, rehab, or other institutional care facilities.  With Gracie's medical history spanning nearly 40 years and containing more than 80 operations, we've lost track of how many days she (and I) spent in hospitals. But we can count the infections Gracie contracted while inpatient. MRSA, Staph, and so many others added more significant challenges to her already difficult journey - which is why I appreciated Dr. McCaughey coming on the program.  Visit their website and see more at https://hospitalinfection.org/, and you can also download their free brochure, 15 Steps You Can Take To Reduce Your Risk of Getting a Hospital Infection.

You ever struggle to hold your tongue while answering questions at the doctor's office? Gracie's been treated by more than 100 physicians - and we've had our share of exasperating and hilarious moments. In this episode from the broadcast, I share one that fits both categories!  Then I follow it up with the 3 P's to use when dealing with physicians.  For more, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives, it would look like a forest. Each day we’re faced with numerous choices – and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes. Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect, and we don’t know what to do next.   In those moments, we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step. The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down.   For that to happen, our decisions require “reduction.”   Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of “eating the elephant one bite at a time,” decision reduction helps us focus by redirecting our eyes from the myriad of choices to the micro-steps in our path. Maybe the next right thing is to drink some water, sit down with a bowl of soup, take a nap or even go on a walk. Although the problem usually remains, we tackle it better with a calmer and more disciplined mind.   When offered this path, we invariably know the next right thing to do; we just usually need permission – not from others but ourselves.   The Bible supports this when affirming that God’s word is “…a lamp unto my feet.”    It’s a lamp – not a searchlight. Do the next right thing – with the light provided.   “Not until we are lost do we being to understand ourselves.”- Henry David Thoreau.      If you find this podcast meaningful - please help us continue do this. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

I met Jon and Cindi Hampshire more than 40 years ago at Columbia Bible College (Now Columbia International University). https://www.ciu.edu/  The Hampshires work for Wycliffe Bible Translators and have served the Democratic Republic of Congo for 30+ years. They didn't know it, but I based much of my outreach to caregivers on their model at Wycliffe Bible Translators. I invited them to the program to share their life, work, and journey of trusting God - even when they lost everything when they had to once flee the country they served.  https://wycliffe.org/partner/Hampshire  Jon and Cindi Hampshire became Wycliffe members in 1988 and serve with SIL Eastern Congo Group - supporting the work of Bible translation in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Jon serves as branch director, overseeing the work of Bible translation, literacy, and scripture engagement in the DRC. Cindi serves as prayer coordinator for the branch and works in finance as well. They now reside in Bunia, a town located in the east of the country where their office is located. Jon and Cindi are excited to see Bible translation move forward in the Congo, and to see Congolese believers hold key leadership positions in the Bible translation movement. Please prayerfully consider joining their Wycliffe ministry team through prayer and/or financial partnership.

From Asia to Africa, the Middle East, Europe, and beyond, the global persecution of Christians becomes more ominous with every passing year. Author Lela Gilbert called the program to discuss her new book, Heroic Faith Hope Amid Global Persecution. The book’s true stories of courage, persistence, and faithfulness offer inspiration and hope. Heroic Faith also provides insights into the ideologies behind hostility and persecution, what steps the US government might take to assist, and how listeners can best respond to the struggles of the faithful. Written with Arielle Del Turco and Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin, Lela Gilbert lifts our eyes through this conversation and this book to see the global challenges faced by our brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Every caregiver - and I do mean EVERY caregiver will struggle with what I call the "3 I's."  We lose our independence, we become isolated, and we lose our identity.  During my ten years on the air, I've discussed these things often - and felt a refresher for myself was in order.  I go into further detail in my book Hope for the Caregiver.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books  Please share this episode with as many as possible ...all too many caregivers struggle in isolation, and this episode will help them learn how to push back against that isolation, as well as the loss of identity and independence.  If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider supporting it at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

Before the famous altercation with Goliath, when David expressed anger at the blasphemous giant, one of his embarrassed older brothers camped at the battle scene furiously derided him. But King Saul heard about David, and astonishingly, the king allowed the teenager to fight Goliath. Saul even put his tunic and armor on him. Saul was a tall man, but David wasn't, and the king's armor didn't fit. Struggling to function in the ill-fitting battle garb, David removed it and faced Goliath his way – depending upon God's might. David recognized he couldn't succeed while wearing something that didn't fit him. How many try to "conquer a Goliath" while wearing something that doesn't fit? The conditions of our loved ones serve as formidable giants to us, and we can't fight them while trying to be, do, and act like something that doesn't fit us. David faced Goliath with his familiar sling – and his even more familiar trust in God's abilities. While not a trained soldier, David’s love and trust provided the courage to face a giant. Most of us aren't trained medical professionals - and don't have to be. When facing our giants, we can be ourselves and, with love and trust, remain confident that the battle is the Lord's. “And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord's” – 1 Samuel 17:47 (KJV)

My longtime friend, Lynn Vander Woude Aho joined me from across the world in the South Pacific Kingdom of Tonga. She regularly listens to the program there and uses information from this program to help caregivers in Tonga.  As she shares her heart and passion for ministry and missions, I am confident you will be touched and inspired by Lynn's story

Known around the country as "The Christian Car Guy," Robbie Dilmore called the show and shared his caregiving experiences with his mother-in-law. As he and his wife continue to grow closer through this process, he credits their common adversary: His alcoholic and abusive mother-in-law.  Sharing how they cope and even thrive, Robbie then donned his "Christian Car Guy" hat to give great tips on increasing fuel efficiency. Even when gas - hopefully- returns to sane prices, these tips apply all the time and can save us money immediately! 

In trauma, the clock is the adversary, but in caregiving, it's the calendar. While emergencies demand an immediate response, quick actions for caregivers often result in several battles on multiple fronts. Nothing stretches a caregiver too thin like rushing to a crisis- while already embroiled in one. "Oh, yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly." - Don Diego to Alejandro in The Mask of Zorro. In the long journey of caregiving, caregivers benefit from incorporating "discretionary valor." For many caregivers (including me), the default is to hurl ourselves or our opinions recklessly at situations that require neither. Being still often takes enormous discipline and is its own form of bravery. Although some may not recognize it, knowing when to - or when not to - act often reflects extraordinary wisdom and courage. It's hard to "stay at one's post" when it seems everything is falling apart. Yet one's mettle is often tested by not interfering when things get dicey. Sometimes, others need to experience failure in order to grow. Hampering that experience inhibits their growth. Although not often valued, discretionary valor remains one of the most critical attributes a caregiver can utilize. While soldiers receive medals reflecting bravery under duress, our medals for discretionary valor appear differently. Our awards reflect peace of mind, less drama, and a good night's sleep. "Don't just do something, stand there!" - Unknown

This question is often asked of me. Many think because they are a parent, then they're a caregiver. Nurses, CNAs, and other medical personnel - are family caregivers, right?  In this opening monologue from August 6, 2022, we discuss this issue. First and foremost, family caregivers don't receive a paycheck. Then, there are other significant differences.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

A frustration point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations, hopes, and dreams. We often visualize what could be – but choices beyond our control are roadblocks. Ashamedly, I admit to trying to force solutions on more than one occasion – only to frustrate myself, my wife, and who knows how many others. Letting go of those hopes and expectations, however, can be painful. Over the last few years, I’ve tried a different approach. In my mind, I envision a rather large box that I call “The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem.” Offloading those items, losses, heartaches, and disappointment to God reduces my angst and the potential for resentment. For me, the box is genuine, and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of those things - He’s better at carrying them than me. Of course, the temptation to retrieve items and stew on them often grips me. Yet I can affirm that each time I place them back in the box, I grow less tempted to dwell on them. Letting go of what is impossible to carry helps me live more peacefully with equally impossible circumstances. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4 (KJV)  

On our 1/22 broadcast, we discussed this hymn by Melody Green and what it means to us as family caregivers. 

Drawing upon nearly 50 years as a teaching pastor and 25+ years as a caregiver, Rob Morgan brings a wealth of understanding and experience to today's challenging issues. Following the death of his wife, Rob candidly shares his thoughts and experiences while anchoring himself and others in the Scripture.  Teaching on the book of Revelation, Rob recently authored THE 50 FINAL EVENTS IN WORLD HISTORY.  In this new book, Rob shares how he draws encouragement from this book that confuses and even frightens so many.  (www.robertjmorgan.com)    

In the 1985 Western Silverado, Sheriff John Langston (played by British actor John Cleese) obligingly led a posse after two brothers following the breakout of one from the town jail. While chasing the men (whose crimes were questionable), the posse rounded a bend to unexpected gunfire from one of the brothers' companions. As his deputy urged them to push on by yelling, "… they're almost out of our jurisdiction," a bullet clipped the sheriff's hat and sent it flying.  Turning his horse around, Cleese states in his wonderfully clipped British accent, "Today, my jurisdiction ends here!" Returning to town, Sheriff Langston lived to fight another day.  Sometimes, our jurisdiction as caregivers requires reassessing. Many can recall feeling pressure (either from others or ourselves) to "right a wrong," seek satisfaction or try to force an issue. Yet that pressure can lead us outside our scope of responsibility. Leaving our territory can easily result in unpleasant circumstances – for us, our loved ones, and others. At times, the temptation to chase after the "…ones that got away" can feel compulsory. In those moments, we serve ourselves well by asking, "How important is this?'  Addressing that question helps reestablish our jurisdiction – and can allow us to fight another day. “You got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run.” – The Gambler, Don Schlitz

From our July 16, 2022 program.  Have you ever had someone say something strange, insensitive, or even weird to you - and a flood of responses immediately filled your mind?  Sometimes, we save ourselves from unnecessary drama when we "bite our tongues and learn to like the taste of blood!"  But it can torque our brain to do so ...doesn't it? Who knows, though - we may get a funny story out of it that brings laughter years later. 

After twice doing the Heimlich Maneuver on my wife, I knew there had to be a better way. I saw the Founder and CEO of LifeVac, Arthur Lih discussing his company's amazing product - and I invited him to call the program.  As is usually the case with a product like this, there's a moving story behind the invention. Take a listen to Arthur - and make sure to get a LIFEVAC device for your home TODAY!  www.lifevac.net 

John Knox of the OPT Institute shared the new study about adoption that his organization commissioned by George Barna. Committed to helping individuals understand the opportunities to choose life and adoption.  So many loving families want to adopt a child - even a special needs child - and we want to help share that opportunity that many mothers may not realize.  “We can’t ever give up on the good that can come from private infant adoptions.” - John Knox, - The OPT Institute www.opinstitute.org  

In the wake of yet another shooting, details emerge of a highly disturbed young man in Highland Park - with problems known to the family, community, and authorities. While the obligatory wrangling over the 2nd amendment and gun control rages on, how can we respond to this and potentially horrific events waiting on the horizon? 

Former governor of Wisconsin Marty Schreiber watched his beloved wife, Elaine, gradually transform from the woman who had gracefully entertained in the Executive Residence to one who no longer recognized him as her husband. In My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver, Marty candidly counsels those taking on this caregiving role. More than an account of Marty’s struggles in caring for his wife, My Two Elaines also offers sage advice that respects the one with Alzheimer’s while maintaining the caregiver’s health. As two-thirds of those with Alzheimer’s are women, he offers special guidance for men thrust into an unexpected job. With patience, adaptability, and even a sense of humor, Marty shows how love continues for his Second Elaine. https://mytwoelaines.com/

Rev. Percy McCray Jr. has spent more than 20 years ministering to cancer patients and their caregivers at Cancer Treatment Centers of America® (CTCA). He recognizes cancer care ministry as a special calling from God and considers faith a key but often overlooked component of cancer treatment. He now serves as the Director of Faith-Based Programs at CTCA® and provides leadership to the pastoral care staff at all five CTCA hospitals. In addition, Rev. McCray oversees Our Journey of Hope®, a nationwide cancer care ministry training, and support program. An ordained minister, Rev. McCray is a member of the U.S. Chaplain Association.  ____________________________ As a caregiver, do you feel protected for your legal needs? How would you like the assurance of an entire law firm - for less than $30 per month - in five easy steps? 1. Click on the link' www.caregiverlegal.com 2. Select LEGAL SHIELD ( in purple) on the left-hand side.   3. Select GET A PLAN (in orange)  4. Add supplements (optional - leave unchecked if no supplements are needed) 5. Check out and call the law firm for all your legal needs. (Wills, POA, DNR, Medical Power of Attorney, traffic tickets, and any other legal needs you have.)        

As caregivers, we can sometimes find a phrase in a song, poem, story, or an old hymn that sticks with us and helps us see a greater truth. Such is the case with this phrase I heard from a hymn so familiar I can almost play it in my sleep - yet this line recently hit me as a great reminder for me as a caregiver.   

Father's Day 2022

Singer/Songwriter Gary Chapman called the show to discuss Father's Day. From his iconic song FATHER'S EYES to caring for his father, Fatherhood has come to define Gary professionally and personally.  https://www.facebook.com/garychapmanmusic 

Saturday Night Live Alum Jim Breuer remains one of my favorites of all the interviews I've done.  With all the craziness in the world, we could use a laugh - so I'm resharing. Please take a moment to laugh again with us for this heartfelt and hilarious interview www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Legendary comedian Milton Berle (Mr. Television) once stated, "Laughter is an instant vacation."  As caregivers, we certainly shed plenty of tears, but do we laugh? Caregivers certainly top the list of those needing an "instant vacation," but few give themselves permission to book the trip. When our life remains so full of harsh realities, how can laughter be appropriate?  In this episode, I invite fellow caregivers to take an instant vacation with me as we laugh for a bit.  "...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;" Ecclesiastes 3:4 www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

In Uvalde, the shooter’s grandmother faced the rage of a troubled grandson and, according to multiple reports, a daughter with a history of drug use. At least one incident required law enforcement to the home of the shooter’s mother – and neighbors and relatives knew of the turbulent relationship between son and mother. Mental issues and drug abuse create a toxic brew of chronic impairments that will not resolve independently. Those challenges hopelessly outmatch even the best of grandmothers. In the case of Nicolas Cruz, who killed students at Stoneman Douglas High School in 2018, law enforcement made 39 visits to the gunman’s home – most of the calls seemingly from his mother. A few months following his mother’s death, Nicolas Cruz massacred 17 people. Sometimes, a family caregiver is the last line of defense between a killer and society. A caller to my show for family caregivers discussed her mother’s increasing dementia. As the story unfolded, she related how her drug-addicted brother habitually stole from her mother and acted abusively towards her. The caller then shared that her brother, although a felon, kept a firearm under his bed and that she regularly feared for her safety. Asking why she didn’t call the police about her dangerous brother, she finally broke down and sobbed on the air. Through tears, she shared that her brother threatened that if she called the police, he would expose moral issues she had before becoming a Christian.    Her embarrassment and shame compromised her safety from an armed and unstable brother. Gently explaining to her the nature of Christ, who forgives, redeems, and never blackmails, I encouraged her to protect herself and her mother by calling the authorities – that day.  A year later, she phoned the program and sounded like a different person. After calling the police, her brother was arrested and entered a treatment plan. With exuberance in her voice, she shared that she and her brother have started the path of reconciliation. While her story took a better turn, many caregivers living close to an armed and disturbed individual suffer tragic outcomes – like what happened in Uvalde. Despite the best political minds and arguments, the human heart remains outside the jurisdiction of any legislation. The Ten Commandments contain no ambiguity and came directly from God, yet politicians today think their laws will triumph where God’s did not.  Read the entire Article at Foxnews.com 

Author Kate Dreston shares her new book of devotions for those with a loved one facing terminal illness.   

Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington’s disease (HD) on my program, they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn’t understand the nature of HD. After repeated arrests for shoplifting, violent behavior, and other issues, the judge commented from the bench that she felt this was a result of “bad parenting.” Unable to address the court or defend themselves, the couple simply shared, “…we had to take it on the chin.” A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease that brutalizes both patient and their caregivers. Sadly, the judge chose to go with a uniformed decision – and a regrettable lack of compassion. While the judge’s comments remain grievous, how many caregivers “don the black robe” and make harsh and ill-informed pronouncements upon themselves while looking in the mirror? Countless caregivers spend way too much time condemning themselves for the out-of-control behavior of someone else. Whatever we wish for that judge to have said to this broken and despairing couple, we would benefit from posting that same message on our own bathroom mirrors. “I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.” – Abraham Lincoln   If you find this podcast meaningful, please help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

I asked Chaplain (Lt. Colonel) Michael Frazier, US Army, Ret. to join me for this special Memorial Day edition of Hope for the Caregiver. As the son of a navy chaplain myself, I remain deeply moved by the rich history of Chaplains in the armed forces of the United States. In the opening monologue, I discuss a Memorial moment in scripture that continues to stir my heart, and then Chaplain Frazier shares insights, history, and poignant experiences from his military career. I encourage you to share this powerful episode with as many as you can.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

As a caregiver, do you ever feel you are pushing yourself in the "No Huddle Offense" and not taking time to build a plan - all while the "clock" serves as your enemy?  Well, I know I do. So I talked about this in today's episode.    If you find our podcast meaningful, please consider helping us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

I like to talk with fellow caregivers who keep working and doing what brings oxygen to their souls - while caregiving. Such is the case with award-winning novelist Ethan Burroughs. Back with another geopolitical thriller, Burroughs draws upon his extensive career in the middle east to reveal things that will astonish and captivate readers from the West - particularly those struggling to understand today's headlines and the extensive turmoil in the Middle East. Lifelong friend and a fellow South Carolinian, I asked Ethan to join me on the program and share his incredible books and his extensive grasp of Middle Eastern history and culture. Captivated by his books, I asked him, "Which parts are fiction and which are true?"  His frank answer, "The Terrifying Parts Are True!"  www.ethanburroughs.com  Ethan T. Burroughs has dedicated much of the last two decades to exploring the Middle East and slowly unraveling its mysteries. His encounters have taken him to Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Israel, and the Palestinian Territories. He has studied the history, faith, cuisine, language, and culture of the lands which continue to grab our headlines as we search for an elusive peace. He has enjoyed spending significant time with characters similar to those depicted in this account, including our unsung patriots in the Departments of State and Defense. He is a U.S. Army veteran, former teacher, healthcare, business, political consultant, and aspiring storyteller.  

May Is HD Awareness month, and our guests for this episode were Drs. Elton and Laquita Higgs. The couple adopted a little girl many years ago - who developed Huntington's Disease (HD). One of the most horrific diseases on the planet, HD eventually cost their daughter her life - but not before she had a daughter who also developed the genetic (and terminal) illness. Listen to their inspiring and insightful story - from their book, SHATTERED DREAMS - BUT HOPE: Encouragement for Caregivers of Huntington’s Disease and Other Progressive Illnesses   For more information on HD, please visit HDSA.org (The Huntington’s Disease Society of America)

As caregivers, we regularly feel intense pressure to fix or achieve. Yet, despite our best efforts, many of the circumstances we face seem unyielding. Our self-judgment over things beyond our control often leads to an incorrect verdict of failure. Taking a step away from the caregiving world, consider the “Slap heard around the world” at the 2022 Academy Awards. When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on stage in front of a global audience, Chris Rock responded with extraordinary restraint. Maintaining his composure, Chris Rock continued with the show and walked away with nearly universal approval because he didn’t worsen an awful situation. Not only did he handle himself well on stage, but in the ensuing media frenzy, he remained quiet about the event. Rock chose to address the incident on his timing – when temperatures cool. As caregivers, we regularly face situations that often tempt or provoke us to intense emotional reactions. Taking a page from Chris Rock, we can incorporate a simple strategy into often uncontrollable experiences: Not making it worse, counts as a win! When we restrain our emotions and master our response to any given circumstances, we live a bit calmer and can add more victories to the “win column.”

In my recent interview with Mighty Oaks Foundation's Jeremy Stalnecker, we discussed ways the organization is addressing the intense needs of those who wore - and wear - the uniform. https://www.mightyoaksprograms.org/ "The Mighty Oaks Foundation is committed to serving the brokenhearted by providing intensive peer-based discipleship through a series of programs, outpost meetings, and speaking events. Our Mighty Oaks Warrior Programs hosts such Men, Women, and Marriage Advance Programs at multiple locations nationwide. The Warriors who attend are fully sponsored for training, meals, and lodging needs to ensure that upon arrival to the ranch, each Warrior is focused solely on his or her recovery and identifying purpose moving forward."

Fretting Is Exhausting My high school chemistry teacher’s name was, no kidding, Mr. Faile. While a hilarious and exceptional teacher, he made the dreaded (for some) class even more daunting by posting a sign over the chalkboard that read, “Flunk Now and Avoid The Rush.” For those born after 1980, a chalkboard was an ancient education device that doubled as a screeching torture machine. That sign still sticks with me, and I’ve appropriated the message into other areas of my life – particularly as a caregiver. Accepting reality and not delaying the inevitable becomes a path of wisdom rather than a depressing conclusion. As caregivers, we place unreasonable demands on ourselves to achieve or alter things we cannot change. Despite extensive striving and colossal anxiety, caregivers will inevitably “flunk” at changing most of what we worry about. Embracing that premise allows greater peace of mind today. I passed high school chemistry (barely), but Mr. Faile’s most important lesson to me had nothing to do with formulas and equations. A simple sign meant in jest communicated a greater truth that still helps bleed off stress – a lifetime later. Rest now and avoid the crash. We face challenges better when not exhausted by fretting. “The pitcher has got only a ball. I've got a bat. So the percentage in weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting.” – Hank Aaron   If you find our podcast and broadcast meaningful, please help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving

Think back on an encounter with an adult overreacting to a situation. Were you caught off-guard; did you feel uncomfortable? A psychiatrist friend of mine shared a phrase he often communicated to his staff: "When you see a patient overreact or act out, always remember there's a story behind that behavior." Adults don't lose self-control in a vacuum – there's a build-up and a story behind their behavior. When caregivers find themselves in the unpleasant predicament of engaging an individual with frenetic or hyper behavior, it's helpful to remember that the behavior is bigger than the moment. Reminding ourselves that “there’s a story” enables us to speak to the deeper issues driving the outburst – which often requires assurance rather than reason. Arguing with a longtime wound is futile. Caring for that wound – and all its symptoms – remains a more effective response. As caregivers, we encounter those panicking about pocket-sized problems. Outbursts at a temporary or minor problem are rooted in a long journey that could stretch back a lifetime. Detaching from the immediate eruption allows us to better understand and address the volcanic turbulence behind the explosion. However, It starts with us remembering, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." “We are not makers of history. We are made by history.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Following her grueling 10-week hospitalization, my wife, Gracie, joined the show to share her thoughts, and how she felt about my ability at charades while she was intubated. [Spoiler] she wasn't happy! 

From Hope for the Caregiver's national broadcast 04-23-2022 Let’s face it; many people don’t know what to say when encountering someone struggling with divorce, broken relationships, a tragedy, or other painful realities. Just put it behind you; Don’t look in the rearview mirror; That’s in the past. While sounding like good advice to keep moving forward, there are times when acknowledging the magnitude of someone’s heartache is appropriate – and “sifting through the mess” and assessing the destruction is required. Recovery takes time, and part of the process involves meticulously inspecting the damage. Any insurance adjuster who’s visited a client following a devastating flood, fire, or tornado will affirm the importance of an exhaustive appraisal of the damage before rebuilding.  Many caregivers painfully discover that the journey doesn’t end at the cemetery. In some instances, the aftereffects of caregiving can last a lifetime. All too many caregivers can attest to the lasting impact of caring for an impaired loved one, and more studies are needed to show the PTSD statistics of family caregivers,  Trained professionals along with loving family and friends can help caregivers navigate a path to healing. However, the first step always involves thoroughly inspecting – and respecting – the trauma.  We’ve got to rebuild human hearts – and persuade people that hope isn’t just possible, but essential. – Tony Snow   If you find our podcast meaningful, please help support this ministry at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

Author Leisa Williams called the program from Canberra, Australia, to share her family's journey with Autism. In our conversation, we discussed our shared musical journey and what music means to us as caregivers.  https://www.leisawilliamsauthor.com/ She writes from her heart about her life experiences that have come from the school of hard knocks. Her views are tried and tested from many years of working to overcome adversity in her life as well as being founded on her Christian biblical faith, the wise counsel and support from healthcare professionals, and her educational background, which includes a Master of Education degree.

Immeasurable Cost A close pastor friend of mine called me after burying his beloved dog. While digging the hole, he wept while angrily reflecting on how much he hated death. The conversation turned to the countless funerals he presided over during his ministry – I played the piano for many of those services. We talked a bit longer about some of the cherished families we ministered to during those funerals, and we discussed our shared anger at death. Then he said something that's never left me. "Do you know who hates death more?" "God hates death," he stated quietly. Pausing, he then added, "He hates it so much that he took it upon Himself to provide a way to defeat death." When Jesus stood at his friend Lazarus' grave, John 11:38 shares He was "…deeply moved." Some translations state that anger welled up in Jesus—anger at death. Mere weeks after standing at Lazarus' grave, on what we celebrate as Easter Sunday, Jesus indeed conquered death, but at immeasurable cost to Himself.            “Please - Aslan,” said Lucy, “can anything be done to save Edmund?”  “All shall be done,” said Aslan. “But it may be harder than you think.” – C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.    

As a caregiver, what does rest look like to you?  Admittedly, this is a challenge for me - and has been for the entire 35+ years I've been a caregiver.  From our nationally syndicated broadcast on 4/9/2022, I shared that struggle and what I've learned through this journey.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Earlier this year I had a dispute with a charge levied on me by the rideshare company, Lyft.  Despite my best effort to resolve this using Lyft's online instructions, I struck out.  So, I escalated my case, and here's the rest of the story!

As a caregiver, do you ever feel disoriented? Of course you do - we all do! We're going to lose our way. But can we get back on track? Can we anchor ourselves against the storms that assail us?  There's a great hymn that speaks to this. I feature that hymn in the B Block of this episode - when I stepped over to the "Caregiver KeyBoard." I discussed this on our April 2, 2022 broadcast.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

After a recent program, a friend asked me to delve into the subject of caregivers, anger, and lashing out.  Given the recent incident at the Academy Awards with Will Smith striking out at Chris Rock, the timing for this topic seemed appropriate.  

Jodi Kay Benusco calls the program and shares insights gleaned from years as a Social Worker and seasoned Inpatient Discharge Planner at a Level II inpatient hospital.  

In the FOG of caregivers, (fear, obligation, and guilt), many find themselves frozen in fear - and let's face it, there remain plenty of fear-worthy things in the caregiving journey. How do we face those things?  For me, I look to those who faced fear and borrow their courage.  Who's courage do you borrow? 

Caregivers need legal protection and counsel, but the cost can be astronomical – for even small legal matters.  Or is it?    You are two clicks away from expert legal protection that’s reliable – and affordable. CLICK HERE to Start!   Then just select the plan that works for your needs!  With LegalShield, finding solutions to your legal issues doesn’t have to be stressful, complicated, or expensive. Instead of paying a lawyer expensive hourly fees, you pay a small monthly fee and get access to experienced lawyers that can help you with your legal issue.  

On my recent broadcast, I discussed the term, "public servants" and the specific caregivers who really define that term. 

Award-winning songwriter and two-time Grammy Nominee Archie Jordan called the show to discuss caregiving, music, his long friendship with BJ Thomas, and many more things in this special interview.  Some of the many hits from Archie include, What a Difference You Made In My Life, It Was Almost Like A Song, He's The Hand on My Shoulder, You Gave Me Love When Nobody Gave Me a Prayer ...and many more.  www.archiejordan.net

From extended hospital stays surrounded by faceless people in masks to longer nights where loneliness and fear serve as companions, caregivers remain prone to feeling adrift and disconnected. Longing for recognizable landmarks that signal safe harbor, caregivers face the challenge of “re-anchoring” themselves – often in a storm. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. During my wife’s recent surgery in Denver, I stepped into a Waffle House near the hospital. I love Waffle House. I grew up going to Waffle House, but there’s no Waffle House near us in Montana – in the whole state! In Denver, where I knew few people, everything required learning and adjusting. But stepping into the local Waffle House, familiar sounds, sights, smells and tastes flooded over me. For a few minutes, I reconnected and felt at home. Grabbing a take-out order, I took it to the hospital to share the experience with my wife. While we can’t always change the disorienting circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find new ways to connect to things that settle our hearts. Sometimes, It’s as simple as a waffle – with pecans. I have always loved Waffle House. It's been like an oasis in the desert many times late at night after one of my concerts. - Trace Adkins

Chronic Pain.  The struggle to care for someone with chronic pain causes extensive challenges for family caregivers.  Dr. Roland Flores called the show today to discuss this topic, as well as acute pain, opioids, benzodiazepines - and what he'd like for family caregivers to know.  Roland Flores, MD, Anesthesiology, Associate Professor, University of Colorado, School of Medicine    IF you find this podcast meaningful, please visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com and let us know - and help us do more! 

I must. I'm supposed to. I have to. I should.  When repeatedly hearing these words come out of your mouth, you might be caught in the obligation trap.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

While recuperating in Denver's University of Col. Medical Center, a young woman came into Gracie's room with a guitar and introduced herself as Sophie - and a music therapist.  Gracie asked where she went to school, and she said, "A school in Nashville."  Pressing her further, Sophie stated she went to Belmont University.  Gracie's smile lit up the room and she explained to Sophie, 'Peter and I went to Belmont - that's where we met."  As we shared with Sophie our long life in Nashville, she was delighted to compare notes and share experiences with fellow Belmont students (although we attended YEARS before she was born!) I asked Sophie to share a bit of her story and work as a music therapist. 

Russia's brutal attack on Ukraine has created outrage and horror worldwide. Spotlighting those with disabilities and their caregivers, Joni Eareckson Tada shares how her organization is helping individuals fleeing from Ukraine to Poland. Well acquainted with suffering and challenges, Joni shares her insights and faith in our frank discussion about these heartbreaking events. To help Joni's organization with this effort, please visit www.joniandfriends.org 

Give Send Go co-founder Heather Wilson called the program to discuss the crowdfunding site's mission and the political climate shaping much of our public discourse.  "Raise money to share hope. Money is temporary Jesus is eternal. Give both and watch the world be changed." For family caregivers living with significant costs and challenges, Give Send Go can be a powerful resource to help. givesendgo.com   

Noise bombards us every day. Traffic, 24-hour news, our mobile devices, and a host of other things forms a wall of sound that keeps many of us in a state of agitation. For caregivers, taking a moment to sit quietly and settle our hearts down seems nearly impossible. But if we don’t take time for stillness, we’re going to have to make time for illness. The constant state of anxiety, stress, and sensory overload we experience as caregivers will eventually make us sick. Ask any health care professional about the long-term effects of stress. When’s the last time anyone ever touted the benefits of anxiety, high blood pressure, depression, skin rashes, or other stress-induced issues? As caregivers, we modify our lifestyle to minimize the threat. We push back on stress by carving out time to be still and quiet. Prayer, meditation, or just clearing our racing thoughts helps re-boot our minds and hearts. Without any cost or even a prescription, regularly incorporating stillness in our lives allows us to be a little calmer – and a little healthier – in the caregiver storm we navigate. The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Hope for the Caregiver airs each week on 220+ signals. This show first aired on 2/26/2022. Today's show features an opening monologue about Caregiving versus Caregiver. Also, a surgeon caught me by surprise with this question. Later on in the program, a special interview with one of the founders of crowd funders GIVE SEND GO, and a special song from Gracie.

From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE The morning of the most extensive surgery my wife's ever faced, we both felt (understandably) a bit nervous. Sitting in the pre-op area, I observed a flurry of medical staff work efficiently to prepare Gracie for what would be a 9-hour surgery – and her 82nd operation (that I can count). When the neurosurgeon arrived, I noticed a tangible enthusiasm about him. Clapping his hands together, he brightly looked at us while stating, "You ready to get this thing done!" For maybe the first time in my 35 years as a caregiver, I felt a calmness and sense of safety with this man. As the surgeon exuded such self-confidence, I felt our anxiety melt away. He knew his job and shared his excitement, "I love doing this procedure- it helps so many people!" Looking at me, he said, 'This will be a long day. Go rest in your hotel room and wait for my call. You don't need to hang out in the waiting room and stress yourself out. We've got this!" Following his orders, I rested and waited for his call. The surgery went well, and while slow, the recovery remains steady. Along the way, I learned to trust a bit more – and rest in the competence of others. "You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible." -  Anton Chekov

The stress and heartache has GOT to go someplace - how do you process it out as a caregiver?  From our broadcast 2/19/2022.  Plus a song from Gracie.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

From our national broadcast 2/19/2022. Updates, News, and an easy chorus for caregivers to remember. 

The morning of Gracie's recent surgery in Denver, I called a Lyft ride (like I've done for years!). We'd had a lot of snow and ice, and I opened the door to the car - only to have part of the trim that was frozen to the car come off. I picked it up and put it in the car- and then he took me to the hospital where Gracie was already being prepped for surgery.  Later that afternoon, I got a message on my phone about that incident.  I couldn't believe what Lyft did - and I'm just posting this as a "Buyer Beware" message. 

Much of the heartache I’ve endured as a caregiver results from my unwillingness to accept things as they are. Fighting to change things I remain powerless to change has only made it harder for me – and sadly, others. A friend once told me that acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. I may not like what I carry or witness, but I can accept that it is what it is – and be calmer while enduring it. That’s not defeatist, just realistic. My wife helped teach me this when she lost both of her legs. She didn’t like being a double-amputee, but it became her new reality. Watching her process significant loss and the new challenges, I witnessed her make peace with new and painful circumstances. While she still periodically experiences moments of grief – even decades later – her resolve and acceptance help dry the occasional tears. As caregivers, acceptance connects our brains to our hearts and allows “what is” to mingle with grief. In the process, we can live more peacefully with the often-chaotic events in our lives – and our resolve to do so can also help dry the more than occasional tears. Tears come from the heart and not from the brain. - Leonardo da Vinci

Dark thoughts often grip us as caregivers when struggling with loneliness and isolation. We fearfully plead for someone to tell us what to do, where to go, how to cope, or why this is happening. Our oldest son fell and lacerated his chin when just a toddler, and I held him still while he received stitches. I’ll never forget the look of terror in his eyes and his screams as he endured what, for him, was horrifying. He had no way to understand what was happening or how to cope. Instead of explaining infections, antibiotics, and wound care, I gently assured him that I was there and he would be okay. Soon, the doctor finished, and I hugged our son and dried his tears.   How are we any different when traveling in the often-long valley of the shadow of death that we walk as caregivers? Our Heavenly Father often doesn’t give us the answers we demand, but He does give us the assurance we need – the assurance of His presence and His love for us. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me” Psalm 23:4

Yes, I actually named this one ...and there's a good reason. 

When someone we love is hurting, suffering, or impaired, we often heroically leap to action and fight the danger. Although a good trait in an emergency, it's unsustainable in the marathon of caregiving. Unlike trauma, caregiving requires a different approach. In trauma, the clock is the adversary, but it's the calendar in caregiving. Emergency circumstances require immediate action, but hasty movement can engage caregivers in way too many battles on multiple fronts, leaving us depleted – or worse. As Don Diego stated to Alejandro in The Mask of Zorro, "Oh, yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly." While actions remain important, discretionary valor is equally, if not more, essential as a caregiver. That discretion of knowing when to act, speak, or be still—comes with time and practice, but it's a necessary part of our journey in becoming healthy caregivers. Being still often requires enormous discipline and is its own form of bravery. Although some may not recognize it, knowing when to act often reflects extraordinary valor. "Don't just do something, stand there!" - Unknown

A friend shared this simple task to do when it feels like everything is flying apart.  I'm trying it today - and invite you to do the same.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

On our 1/22 broadcast, we discussed this hymn by Melody Green and what it means to us as family caregivers. 

A Bowl of Soup and a Kind Word During a challenging hospital stay for my wife, friends called and asked me to stop by their home. After doing laundry, I swung by their house while returning to the hospital. Smiling at the puzzled look on my face, they directed me to the kitchen table, where a single place setting awaited. “Your in-laws are caring for your boys, and the hospital staff is caring for Gracie. Sit, eat, and let us care for you. They promptly served me a steaming bowl of vegetable beef soup, a massive slice of cornbread, and a large glass of tea. As a child of the South, they couldn’t have picked a better meal for me. I tried to make conversation but couldn’t find the words. “Just eat and rest,” they repeated several times. After finishing the meal, I got up to head back to the hospital, and they both hugged me. “You have a lot to do, but now do it on a full stomach – knowing that you’re loved.” Many express difficulties in knowing how to help a caregiver, but most caregivers agree that it’s not complicated. Sometimes it’s just a bowl of soup and a kind word. “The angel of God came back, shook him [Elijah] awake again, and said, “Get up and eat some more—you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.”– I Kings 19:7 The Message (The Bible)

From our national broadcast (1/15/2022)

Healthiness In Your Hands The neediness of an infirmed loved one frequently obscures a caregiver's fatigue, stress, and dangerous health patterns. Moreover, even if noticing the caregiver's exhaustion and strain, the warning signs can often go unheeded. Usually armed only with love and a sense of responsibility, caregivers recklessly deplete themselves physically and emotionally while caring for a vulnerable loved one. Passion and commitment are admirable, but how long can the patient "feel better" at the caregiver's expense? When faced with chronic impairments, love and responsibility accomplish more when directed to the caregiver's well-being first. However, many caregivers postpone healthy physical, emotional, and even sound fiscal decisions for themselves while in the throes of caregiving. Since no one else, particularly a sick or medicated individual, can lead the efforts toward one's own healthiness, the responsibility of a healthy lifestyle remains solely in the caregiver's hands. Addressing the caregiver's needs (not wants) isn't selfish. Quite the opposite – it helps ensure that the impaired loved one's care is in the hands of a healthier caregiver. “…take responsibility for being the healthiest person you can be - no one else is going to do it for you.” – Dr. Mehmet Oz

When storms loom, media outlets often show footage of people placing plywood on homes and businesses and hunkering down. Caregiving is its own storm. Although sometimes receiving advance notice, caregiving can often descend like a tornado – and last a lifetime. If cameras followed caregivers, many' daily activities might resemble the frantic bustle of those boarding up homes and businesses. Imagine trying to build a five-year plan while simultaneously working to survive a hurricane. Incredulously, many caregivers regularly attempt such a feat. While the aftermath of hurricanes usually brings clearer skies that allow rebuilding, the lengthy caregiving storm usually ends at a cemetery – and the path to rebuilding appears shrouded in confusion, despair, and even desolation. Yet a path through and following the storm does exist. It's called endurance. The challenges of caregiving can forge a resilience and resolve that spills into every area of life. Faced with hardships, many lament, "how do I get out of this?" Caregivers (and others) can instead change the question to "What can I become through this?" Entire marketing ads promote tempting versions of success that sadly ring hollow with time. Perseverance remains its own success- while standing the test of time.    “…knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  - Romans 5:3-4

Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to “…never put Mom in a nursing home.” When making that promise, most recall healthier times where the thought of going into a facility seemed far in the horizon. Reality sneaks up on the best of us, and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances. The tether of the promise can quickly transform to a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition. From personal safety to medical expertise, caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction – and overpowered by guilt. Despite the promise’s sincerity, its roots often stem from ignorance about the peripheral havoc disease and injury can cause. Disparity and unsustainability quickly appear when a caregiver demands of herself - what an entire paid staff of people in a memory care facility accomplish. The promise must face honest scrutiny to reflect the commitment to caring for a loved one to the best one can. When demands exceed ability, changes must occur - and help enlisted. The challenge for caregivers is to seek counsel from objective, experienced, and trained individuals to regularly evaluate conditions and possible paths. As we promise to care, let us also commit to caring well. “We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” - Dolly Parton

Watching a documentary on PBS, I was surprised to hear this hymn through the video. It's one of my favorites, and it has a great message in it for family caregivers. 

Aaron Tornquist (43) lives with Down Syndrome and is an Elvis Tribute Artist. For Elvis's 87 birthday (January 8) - I invited Aaron to return to the program and share his story.

Rabbi Eric Walker joined me again to talk about the questions we ask when faced with challenging circumstances.  Check out his website at www.ignitinganation.com    

“Happy New Year” can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world. Most of us know that January 1, 2, 3, etc., usually brings the same challenges of the previous week – and even year (s). Yet, although our responsibilities may not change, we can. While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions (I usually give mine up for Lent), caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive. Living, however, requires risks. Life is perilous - despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks (thank the lawyers for that). Isolating to avoid disease, injury, rejection, or failure is no way to live. Nor is avoiding death the same as living. From gardening to music, anything that involves life, art, and creativity comes with the risk of failure. As do relationships, business ventures …and caregiving. This year, I intend to push myself to learn, try, accomplish- and even fail - new things. History teaches that risks and heartache remain unavoidable, but joy is a choice. “It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.” - Augustus McCrae ― from Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)

Chris and Shelley Snitko struggled to understand what was going on with their 8-year boy who came down with Strep that served as a catalyst for something far worse. While his twin brother also came down with Strep, he went to recover and live a normal life. But AJ didn't.  When they finally learned, it sent them on a painful journey and eventually a path of redemption and restoration that neither expected. 

Thoughts for family caregivers as we start the new year.

Author and Anchor of FoxNews @Night, Shannon Bream, called the show. Shannon discussed the journey she and her husband endured - that helped forge the faith that enabled her to write her NY Times Bestseller, "The Women of the Bible Speak." 

Christmas can be a challenging time for family caregivers. In this bonus episode from our radio program, we offer this to fellow caregivers. 

Christmas Monologue from our nationally syndicated radio program.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

In the middle of an interview, a reporter once asked me, "What Would Jesus Do As A Caregiver? "  

My long-time friend, Hank Martin, sent me a new Christmas song he recorded - and I shared it on the radio program. Many have heard Hank's voice without knowing it - he sang commercial jingles for many years in New York. One of my best friends in the world, it was a special treat for me to play this beautiful song and have Hank on the program. He told me he'd be up late the night before performing at a Christmas function - so I'd have to handle the heavy lifting of talking on the radio! But he made the early call in time, and it was great to have him on! Download his song today at Amazon, Spotify, iTunes, and other streaming platforms. 

My long-time friend, Hank Martin, sent me a new Christmas song he recorded - and I shared it on the radio program. Many have heard Hank's voice without knowing it - he sang commercial jingles for many years in New York. One of my best friends in the world, it was a special treat for me to play this beautiful song and have Hank on the program. He told me he'd be up late the night before performing at a Christmas function - so I'd have to handle the heavy lifting of talking on the radio! But he made the early call in time, and it was great to have him on! Download his song today at Amazon, Spotify, iTunes, and other streaming platforms. 

A stabbing pain beside my left little toe once prompted a visit to a podiatrist. "You have bunion by your left big toe." He stated flatly. "I know about my bunion; I named it 'Paul,'" I replied with a laugh. "But it doesn't hurt. The pain is on the other side of my foot. "You don't understand," he responded. "The defect of the bunion causes the pain you feel." Patiently explaining, he added, "The bunion affects your walking gait and creates stress points that cause pain.' "I'll bet your left knee hurts as well, doesn't it?" Admitting it did, I listened while he described treatment plans to help relieve the problem. Discomfort with the pressures of caregiving often leads many caregivers to blame the loved one – the "pain point." However, with an honest look, we find the culprit is often our predisposition to fear, worry, and control. Those 'defects" disrupt our balance, hurt, and are often greatly amplified by the stress of caregiving. The doctor helped identify and treat the root issues of my foot's pain, and the discomfort eased. With his help, I improved the way I walk. In a podiatrist's office, I also learned that when I focus on the root cause of my stress –invariably my defects instead of others' - I improve the way I live. “…Once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves" ― Socrates

One word in Handel's Oratorio, Messiah, carries a particularly poignant meaning for all of us as caregivers.  We discussed this in today's broadcast. Plus a special bonus song as a tribute to a friend Gracie and I lost this week.  There's more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

My interview on Family Life Radio discussing ways to help caregivers at Christmas.  There's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com 

We can publish this podcast FREE to you - because we have great sponsors. I want to introduce our newest sponsor: HEAT TRAK.  These are heated mats that can be left out all winter long - that help keep you and your loved one SAFE while getting in and out of the car, walking on the deck, or going to the mailbox. What about your business or church - are the entryways safe, dry, and stable?  With Heat Trak, they can be!  www.heattrak.com  and use the coupon code CAREGIVER for a 10% discount. They have all kinds of sizes and will customize the mats to fit the needs of your home, business, or church.  I have them at my home - and now family members' home to help keep them, Gracie, and myself safe during snowy and icy conditions. 

Rabbi Eric Walker called the program to discuss Hanukkah - and what caregivers can learn from the "festival of lights." Learn more about Eric Walker at www.ignitinganation.com 

Do you ever listen to talk radio or cable news when the panel starts to argue? The voices become an unsettling “wall of noise,” and most change the channel in seconds. If we’re annoyed by talking heads shouting over politics, imagine the unsettledness of those with cognitive issues engaging in or listening to arguments. When dealing with someone with an impairment, all kinds of subjects fly into the conversation. From seeing things not there to recalling things inaccurately, it remains pointless to argue when cognitive decline is present. Despite even brilliant oratory, the impairment still wins the battle. Rather than pointlessly escalate blood pressure, tensions quickly diffuse when assuring instead of arguing. Being right is a poor substitute for being there. Like all of us, people with cognitive issues find themselves unsettled, but they often cannot process those circumstances or problems. The human condition eventually leads us into places of fear and confusion where we all desperately need assurance – regardless of our abilities or inabilities. Ironically, we often discover more assurance for ourselves by offering it to others in distress. “Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” - Ronald Reagan Please feel free to share this podcast with others and help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

As a caregiver, do you like shopping?  Do you enjoy traffic, crowds, lines, etc?  Here's a suggestion that I worked out for fellow caregivers.  Get all your shopping done at MyPillow.com and use the promo code: caregiver  You'll get a special discount on EVERYTHING on the site! 

One of my all-time favorite calls to the program! Henry and I discussed Sweet Tea - and his journey as a caregiver. 

Author and parent of a special needs son, Stephanie Hubach called the program. Stephanie is also a research fellow in disability ministries at Covenant Theological Seminary. Her new book is titled: Parenting & Disabilities - Abiding in God's Presence.  www.stephaniehubach.com  Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope., and is heard weekly on more than 220 stations. The podcast is downloaded in more than 100 countries. Please share this podcast with a caregiver you know, and help us do more by clicking here: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

For as long as I can remember, when my father arrived home from reserve duty in the military, he brought each of my brothers and my sister a pack of M & M’s. Extending past his service as a naval officer, he and my mother continued the tradition when we returned from college. Each time we showed up with our luggage (sometimes filled with dirty laundry), we’d walk into our rooms to find a bag of M&M’s waiting on the pillow. When they moved from the house where they raised five sons and a daughter, their new home carried the custom. Bringing our wives, then children, and now even our grandchildren, the familiar brown-bagged treats (sometimes the yellow bags of peanut M&M’s) from my parents awaited every family member. Except for this year. Nearly succumbing to congestive heart failure, my mother endured a dramatic and challenging year—as did my father. A US Naval officer and pastor for almost 60 years, my father stepped into the role of caregiver for the first time, and I watched the process take a toll on him. It felt odd. While I’ve cared for my wife with severe disabilities for more than 35 years, I’ve never seen my dad in this role. I found myself placing a hand on his shoulder, much like he did for me many times following my wife’s now eighty-plus operations. He sat with me in countless ICUs, hospital rooms, and waiting rooms. Now I sat with him. His seasoned faith remains intact and strong, yet he struggled to wrap his mind around the relentless assault of continued medical setbacks. With the same gentleness and encouragement he offered to me over decades of caregiving, I returned the favor. I’ve often heard that “…There’s no pain like watching your children hurt.” Watching your parents hurt must run a close second. With a herculean effort by medical staff, along with my mother’s grit, she pulled through. While not where she’d like to be, she’s further than most expected. After a couple of months away, we returned to their home for the Thanksgiving holidays. They look tired, older, but optimistic. The family pulled together, and the house looks great. The only significant difference I noticed was an oxygen tank in their bedroom. For the first time in my memory, however, no M & M’s waited on the pillows. The absence of those treats indicates a passage and a farewell to parts of who they used to be. Their home stands in a heavily wooded area of upstate South Carolina. As we prepare for Thanksgiving, the trees surrounding their home continue shedding an entire color palate of leaves. The loveliness of autumn is a sad one that brushes hearts the same way the wind grazes branches. So it is when watching those who loomed large in our lives diminish in vigor, but not in beauty. As many will attest, it’s the shedding of small things—the wisps of everyday things taken for granted—that often bring a tear. During holidays, deep feelings seem to rise to the surface faster than other times. For many Americans, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a difficult season of slow goodbyes, bittersweet celebrations, and, for some, the ache of absence. Yet, not all is sorrow. Slowing our lifestyles to the pace of our hearts, we can cling to each other a bit tighter. After dinner, we can pause a little longer at the table—or sit quietly for an extra couple of minutes with those we love. If a chair is empty, we can choose to fill that seat with cherished memories. Families across our country feel this kind of heartache— one so deeply connected to caregiving. Helping those caregivers is no easy task. Yet, that help remains critical to not only the caregiver but also their loved one. Part of that help is assisting caregivers in grieving without them sinking into despair. Doing so always involves redirecting our gaze to gratitude. The treats I’ve enjoyed for a lifetime no longer await me, but the loving hands that placed them are still here to hold. Placing that candy on their pillows instead, I now possess a greater understanding of the joy they both shared—for a lifetime. This Thanksgiving, I discovered gratitude can be found in something as simple as a bag of M & M’s. Grief is the price we pay for love. Queen Elizabeth II

In 1906, a young woman named Adelaide A. Pollard felt called to the mission field in Africa - but struggled to raise funds. At a service one evening, she heard someone reference Jeremiah 18 and state, "Have Thy Own Way."  While disappointment over not going abroad as a missionary, weighed heavily on her heart, the hymn HAVE THY OWN WAY that Adelaide penned during that time continues to touch the lives of uncounted millions around the world - including me. 

It's often repeated, "We demand justice for others but mercy for ourselves." Despite all our technological advances, the human condition remains fraught with one-sided grievances. In my journey, I notice that the shortcomings of others appear in 20/20 focus, while I ashamedly apply a much softer filter to my own. Blaming others for disappointments is easy – and even justifiable. Yet, I learned bitterness does nothing to improve my contentment and wellbeing. Although it seems counterintuitive, a friend shared an effective way to live peacefully is by concentrating on "cleaning my side of the street." A tremendous mental shift occurred for me when I took a hard look at my offenses rather than focusing on others. I painfully discovered that while I was the statue some days – other days, I regretfully was the pigeon. Although disappointment remains a constant in this world, grace is optional. We become gracious when extending to others the same grace we desire for ourselves. “Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue.” - Eugene O'Neill

"Now a man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. Jesus, upon seeing this man lying there and knowing that he had already been in that condition for a long time …" John 5: 5-6   While one of the most familiar passages in the Bible, the story of Jesus meeting this man now carries a more profound significance to Gracie and me. Scripture records the man's plight as lasting 38 years.   In the following sentence, Scripture validates that 38 years is a long time.   This month marks the 38th anniversary of Gracie's car accident, and it continues to reach through the decades with challenges and pain. Still recovering from a terrible fall in September that resulted in a broken femur, numerous challenges daily remind Gracie that 38 years is indeed a long time.   Why is it important that God also recognizes 38 years as a long time? 

A listener to my program recently wrote me about drama with her family.  "My family lives out of state but complains I am not taking care of my 96-year-old mom, who lives alone by choice. While I help her, she will not authorize a power of attorney for health care. She has no significant medical problems, yet my family is ridiculously harsh towards me and accuses me of things, not my responsibility or have not done. What do you recommend? - Exasperated in Texas  

From our nationally syndicated broadcast 11-13-2021 www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

"My 93-year-old mother doesn’t suffer from dementia but is so mean to me. How do I make her happy while caring for her? I’ve been sober for 6 years, and she makes me want to start drinking again." Terri in Texas called the radio program with an all too common problem: "How do I make her happy?" Answering Terri on the air, I shared that, "Your responsibility is not to make your mother happy, but to work your sobriety program. Your mother can get happy in the same shoes she gets mad in! Your responsibility is to call your sponsor and continue staying sober. If you lose your sobriety, your mother gets a drunk caregiver and that will make all of it worse. Call your sponsor and go to a meeting." "Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion." - Pythagoras If you find this podcast meaningful, share it with others and help us do more by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

A recent caller to my radios program shared her journey as a caregiver. Combat-related PTSD led her military son down some dark paths—including drugs and alcohol, and his family disintegrated. This grandmother found herself with an impaired son and vulnerable grandchildren. When considering the word “caregiver,” most think of caring for the elderly. Yet many kinds of caregivers exist—and each of them bears their own sadness and difficulties. It is often stated that soldiers leave a part of themselves on the battlefield. Sometimes, caregivers work to compensate for those missing pieces as they care for the seen and unseen wounds of injured servicemen and women. While our military is composed of those who volunteer to don the uniform, an additional and less visible army of volunteers exists. Those volunteers are family caregivers who stand in the gap for wounded warriors—and often their families. Their acts of devotion not only serve their loved ones but also honor this great nation. There is much more to being a patriot and citizen than reciting the pledge or raising a flag. – Jesse Ventura  

Legend has it that Augustus Toplady took shelter during a storm in a fissure he discovered in a large rock wall. The visual stuck with him and led him to write the first line of one of the most familiar hymns in Church history. "Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me." We discussed this and more in our broadcast that aired on 11/6/2021.  If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider sharing it with others and supporting it at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving  

Every caregiver recalls moments when harsh words leapt from our mouths—words we desperately wish we could reclaim. Emotions often churn in our hearts like a blender on puree, and, for caregivers, the top seems to easily fly off and create a mess. Whether expressing frustration or just reaching a boiling point, we can quickly find ourselves spewing our words like a firehose—often destructively. Arguing with an impaired loved one suffering with dementia, mental illness, or addiction is pointless. Unleashing our vexations on family, friends, co-workers, or medical providers only heaps more guilt and sorrow on our already bruised hearts, yet we still need to express ourselves. The healthier outlet for these feelings is with a trained mental health professional, support group (even a virtual one), clergy, and/or a trusted friend. Between those safe moments, we may have to bite our tongues while learning to like the taste of blood. The good news, however, is that we rarely need to make amends for something we didn’t say." “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ― Ambrose Bierce

Dr. Jill McElhenny of Columbia International University (www.CIU.edu) discussed the new Bachelor of Nursing program.  A practicing nurse for nearly a quarter of a century, Dr. McElhenny brings her vast experience and training to lead this program for CIU.  CIU Associate Provost Dr. Brian Simmons says, "...McElheny is a perfect fit for CIU's Christian mission and core values." Echoing the strong ministry emphasis, Dr. McElhenny stated that she considers nursing "a sacred calling."  With the program available online to qualified candidates, it represents a substantial opportunity for those RN's desiring to obtain their Bachelor's, and it further CIU "s strong mission's emphasis of "To Know Him and Make Him Known." For more information visit, https://ciu.edu/online-degrees/undergraduate/bachelor-science/nursing-rn-bsn 

In an emotional phone call, a friend shared the recent criticism while struggling to care for her husband. Already reeling from significant heartache resulting from her husband’s condition, the scolding rocked her.  “You should’ve done _______. All too many spectators of caregivers often feel empowered to offer “advice” to those shouldering the challenges of caregiving. Sometimes non-caregivers bypass advice and go straight to criticizing. I suppose it saves time. As a rule, the best opinions to heed usually come from those possessing training and education relating to the impairment of your loved one. Thirty-five years as a caregiver has taught me an additional rule:  the best counsel regarding your journey as a caregiver often comes from those with credible experience.  There remains no shortage of opinions from those not doing the work. Those criticisms, if allowed, can wound the soul of a caregiver struggling to do her best. When tempted to allow critics to assess your value as a caregiver by job performance, be fair and look at your attendance record. You keep showing up to care. Critics only show up to judge. ____________________________________________________________ Thank you for listening to our podcast. Help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving   

Famed anthropologist Margaret Mead shared that "…the first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur." She backed her claim by explaining the amount of time and compassion from the tribe or community required to care for that individual – until able to resume normal activities. "’ Survival of the fittest doesn’t include healed femurs.” Caregivers live with significant injuries, as well. Injuries of the soul – that can cripple a person.  Anyone who’s cared for a chronically impaired loved one cannot recover from such an experience without compassionate help from others. Just as we would rush to someone with a broken leg and respect the time needed for convalescence, caregivers need others to run their side, as well. For many caregivers, trauma can extend far beyond a funeral. While many people are nice to caregivers, being nice is a learned behavior – not a sign of character. During and in the aftermath of caregiving, family caregivers need (and deserve) more than “nice.”  They cry out for compassion and grace – and it may take a while. Offering compassion and grace helps heal a caregiver – while simultaneously deepening the hearts of the ones extending those mercies. “Teach me to feel another's woe, to hide the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me.” – Alexander Pope To help sponsor Hope for the Caregiver, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

From our national broadcast 10/23/2021. www.HopeForTheCaregiver.com     

A caller named Bill once shared on our program for caregivers that his father was an abusive alcoholic for years. Now, Bill's father’s had a stroke and requires extensive care - but sadly still drinks. Bill went on to say that he’s although he’s over 50 with a wife and kids, he still feels like a terrified 9-year-old when he’s around his father. Bill’s father made his own decisions – decisions that evidently did not involve a recovery plan. I shared with Bill that he can only do his best, but his family needs the 50-year-old version of BILL —not the 9-year-old one. Bill’s well-being remains paramount to his family. To be blunt, his father’s well-being, while desirable, does not. Although it sounds harsh, the reality is Bill’s father may not make it, but Bill must. I commended Bill for working to ensure his father’s safety and care despite the trauma that man caused. But I also cautioned Bill on the importance of securing his own care and well-being by attending a recovery program for family members of alcoholics and even counseling. Honoring your mother father does not mean honoring alcoholism, addiction …or even abuse.

Weary of condescension from a physician years ago regarding my wife’s condition, I leveled my gaze at him and stated, “With all due respect, Doc – I was taking care of her when you were in junior high school. So how about we keep this in perspective?’ We may not know .the science, but we know our loved one. That knowledge and experience provides us with something I coined “Caregiver Authority.” Quality practitioners recognize the benefit of enlisting our hard-won insights.  After dealing with 100+ physicians and countless nurses, I learned years ago that training doesn’t make one a better human being - it simply provides a skill set. Sadly (for some), those skill sets can elevate a sense of importance. Part of our job as caregivers is to advocate – and sometimes that means standing up to people who are dismissive or look down upon others. It’s uncomfortable to wield caregiver authority, but if we don’t, what are the consequences? If we’re wrong, then we apologize and make amends to the best of our abilities. If they’re wrong, the consequences are far more dire. “So on we go, His welfare is of my concern.”- from He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

All too many caregivers feel isolated and invisible. Even when seen, it's difficult to know what to say to caregiver. This is why I do this broadcast, the podcast, write books, and all the other things I do for caregivers.  I understand the importance for caregivers to be seen and engaged - in a way that makes sense to caregivers. i speak fluent caregiver, and am grateful for the opportunity to speak to you through this podcast.  I see you.  Peter Rosenberger www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

A simple song with a powerful message to family caregivers. Plus, callers from the show and a powerful "D" block monologue. If you find this program meaningful, please share it and consider supporting this work at: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving '

Years ago while interviewed for AARP, the reporter asked me, “What do you say to those family members who don’t realize they are caregivers?” The question struck me as funny, so I lapsed into my best Jeff Foxworthy impression, “If you have a professional carpet cleaner on retainer, you might be a caregiver!”  

As caregivers, owe it to ourselves to inventory the voices with access to our hearts. Although caregivers often find themselves in heartbreaking circumstances or surrounded by those with criticism or other negative attitudes, we have the power to change that. Recently talking with a man struggling while watching his wife slip away, I said, “You live in an environment permeated by approaching death. Balance that by immersing yourself into life.” Knowing he has great-granddaughters close by, I suggested letting the attendants briefly look after his wife so he can spend time with those precious girls. “The life bubbling out of your great grandchildren provides a counterweight to your sorrow.’ We can’t change the people around us, but we can CHANGE the people around us. From Your Caregiver Minute with Peter Rosenberger If you find this episode meaningful, share it with others and help us do more by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

Individuals and family members show great wisdom when subscribing to various products and safeguards that protect against data breaches. Yet an overlooked “identity theft” exists for family caregivers. Virtually all caregivers find themselves struggling to speak in their voice. If you find this podcast meaningful, please share it with others and consider helping us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

I hope they couldn't see how profusely I was sweating when trying to remember the melody."  From our nationally syndicated broadcast 10/9/2021 If you are enjoying our broadcasts, please help us do more!  Visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

While boundaries remain critical to healthy relationships, they sometimes develop on faulty information or impaired thinking. Caregivers inevitably collide with such boundaries while caring for loved ones. These flawed boundaries may look like resisting rehab for injuries and/or addiction issues, refusing medications, respecting others’ time, or a whole host of other issues. Confronting those disputes requires deftness and wisdom from caregivers—particularly when a loved one is “dug in” behind years of stubbornness. Sometimes, all that’s needed is to clearly explain consequences of behaviors. But when confronting someone with addiction or impairment issues for example, all many caregivers can do is provide buffers to minimize the damage while remaining at safe distances as circumstances deteriorate. In other cases, a caregiver must often bite her tongue and learn to like the taste of blood as a loved one experiences the outcome of stubbornness. Trying to force a solution against the will or boundaries of another usually ends in conflict and failure. Despite resistance or even desired results, we can learn to be at peace with our powerlessness over others’ boundaries—and instead focus on maintaining our own. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

In the day to day struggles of caregiving, we often find ourselves yearning to "get out of the moment." Yet, this phrase from a friend helped me stay present - even when the present is uncomfortable.  I referenced several songs I wrote in this episode from our broadcast - you can learn more about them here: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music 

In this bonus episode, I share an excerpt from the audio version of my book, Hope for the Caregiver,  This chapter is titled, "Live While Hurting." Like many caregivers, I fell into the trap of thinking that things had to improve (or end) for me to live a healthier and more purposeful life.  While sharing a poignant moment on a national stage, Gracie and I learned a different lesson.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books 

Caller shared the plight of his sister-in-law, wife, and himself. It quickly became apparent that there are three funerals coming, but in which order?  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

From our nationally syndicated broadcast 9/25/2021.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com  If you find this episode meaningful, help us do more at www.hopforthecaregiver.com/giving

Of course we can retrain our minds! The only questions are: Do We Want To? How? In this bonus monologue, we discussed this issue for family caregivers.  _________________________ If you find this podcast helpful, please share it with others and help us do more at www.standingwithhope.com/giving   

My friend Bram Floria recently asked me to join him on two part-interview for Compassion Radio. Bram and I unpacked quite a few things in this conversation about suffering, anxiety, and God's provisions.  For more information about Compassion Radio, visit www.compassionradio.com  

"I make a way for people to access that Kingdom. But in this world, bones will still break, hearts will still break, but in the end the light will overcome darkness."  - from the Chosen, season 2   In this episode, we discussed a familiar hymn  that's perfect for those struggling with difficult things.  Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, ev'ry doubt will fly, And you will be singing as the days go by.    Gracie sang that hymn with me Sunday in the hospital as she recovers from a broken femur (and her 81st surgery) due to a recent fall.  We've had our share of falls and "load of care," but we live to sing about it and face another day - until we arrive in that Kingdom where "...sorrow and sighing will flee away."   www.hopeforthecaregiver.com  

Chapter 39 from My Book HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is titled,. "They're Going To Fall."  This is an excerpt from the audio book.  Following Gracie's recent fall, broken leg, and surgery, I had to remind myself of this. These are heartbreaking events and it's easy to slip into dark places.  I had to go back and read my own book.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

On the national broadcast recently, we discussed the hymn, ONLY TRUST HIM ...as it relates to us a caregivers. Unpacking this, I discussed my hardest challenge as a caregiver, and why this song connects to me.  Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Please consider  helping us expand this program by visiting www.standingwithope.com/giving  

Whether it's a nation picking up the pieces following the attacks of 9/11 or individuals and families struggling with heartbreaking challenges - It's hard to know what to say when we see sorrow, and tragedy. After the attacks of 9/11, I struggled with to process the devastation. Sitting at the piano, I wrote this song. Sharing it with Gracie - she lent her powerful voice to this song and it remains deeply meaningful to us twenty years later. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music 

Sometimes, we fail to consider the soberness of forgiveness. We may  feel pressure from others to forgive and forget - all too quickly. Respecting the trauma we endure - and often cause - allows for greater healing in our lives and hopefully in our relationships. Forgiveness is intentional and deserves careful deliberation.  If you find these podcasts meaningful, please help us do more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving   

While in college, I worked for a music star in Nashville who had a long driveway lined with beautiful trees. A tree service was called to trim them, and the results were not what the star expected.   Please consider helping us expand this show with your tax-deductible gift at HopefortheCaregiver.com/giving       

As a caregiver, do you ever struggle with knowing how to pray? Over my 35 years as Gracie's husband and caregiver, I sure have. I wrote this prayer for my book, Hope for the Caregiver, and it seemed to mean a lot to fellow caregivers. Please visit https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/caregiver-prayer/ and print it and/or share with a fellow caregiver.    Song: Sweet Hour of Prayer from SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music

Forgiveness benefits the offended, does not require reconciliation, and can be extended even if unsolicited. Remorseless criminals fill our prisons, yet victims can still forgive. Many care for abusive but impaired loved ones who are incapable of repenting and reconciling. Yet, those caregivers can still forgive. Resentment gnaws at our souls and, as caregivers, we already bear enough. We can choose instead to walk in forgiveness and lose the grudges—while keeping healthy boundaries. “…I think it’s about Forgiveness.” – Don Henley If you find this podcast meaningful, help us do more ...please visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/

With all the unsettledness in our country and around the world, what's our response? One thing we can do is turn off the television and specifically cable news. While news outlets profit over keeping us churned up, we profit when we turn our hearts to God's word "...and  the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " PHIL 4:7    Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. If you find this podcast meaningful, please consider sharing it with a caregiving friend ...and also please consider helping us do more by contributing at https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving  

I opened the show with a hymn from my CD, Songs for the Caregiver ...and shared i offered the message of this hymn to a listener struggling to care for the parents who abused her. A line from the hymn:  There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God. A place where sin cannot molest ...near to the heart of God.  https://music.apple.com/us/album/songs-for-the-caregiver/1168214760 Hope For the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.  Your support helps us continue strengthening family caregivers. www.standingwithhope.com/giving    

From our national broadcast (7/31/2021) As a caregiver, are you resting? What does that even look like?   Hope For the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.  Your support helps us continue strengthening family caregivers. www.standingwithhope.com/giving   

After caring for several family members, this caller felt alone and despondent. The hymn I chose for the show that day made a perfect tie in to her life.  _________________________________________________ Please consider helping us expand this show by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving   

One of the most beloved songs of all time serves as a the theme for this episode from our national broadcast.  Hope For the Caregiver is heard each week on more than 200 stations and downloaded in 100+ countries. Please help support this ministry today by visiting www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving   

Hiring individuals to help with an impaired loved one is not only an important decision, but a difficult one. We discussed this with the caller and pointed him to resources that I think serve as the Gold-standard of what to look for.  If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry. https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/ 

Two different caregivers shared the same sentiment to me this past week. “I’ll get help when it’s beyond my control.” When I quietly asked what shape they (and their loved ones) would be at that point, they both gave them same response: silence. Many caregivers competently (and admirably) handle enormous challenges. The issue, however, is not how competent the caregiver is today.  Caregiving takes a huge toll on physical, emotional, fiscal, and spiritual health. The time to ask for help is not when we’re overwhelmed, but to seek it in stages long before the critical point. If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry.  https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/   

Entertainment icon, Kathie Lee Gifford, called the show to discuss the transforming work of Christ in her life and how her faith has helped her tackle her most ambitious project yet.   http://www.kathieleegifford.com  If you are enjoying this podcast and our nationally syndicated radio program, please help us add more radio stations by supporting this ministry.  https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving/ 

Ever found yourself the recipient of glib comments from church folks about your challenges? Admittedly, it's hard to know what to say to someone in distress or in messy situations. In a dusty clinic in Ghana West Africa, this point was driven home to me that forever altered the way I approach the heartache and messy situations of others. (From opening monologue on our national broadcast) www.hopeforthecaregiver.com    

Why do so many push themselves to extremes in some sort of a mad dash to "vacation." The recent crowds over July 4th at Yellowstone provided a teachable moment for caregivers. Are we frantically '...hurrying up to relax?" From our national broadcast 7/10/2021 www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

My dear friend, Joni Eareckson Tada, called the show to discuss an important milestone in the life of she and her husband, Ken. In this wonderful conversation, we laughed, played music, and strengthened each other with hymns and scriptures.  www.joniandfriends.com    

Sometimes the simplest phrase from a song serves as a source of help, comfort, and strength. In this episode (from our nationally syndicated broadcast) we talked about this song and how caregivers can appropriate it in our lives.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Mark Negley knows what it’s like to face the pain of loss and fight to build a new life from the ashes. Over the past thirty years, he has faced cancer, raised a special needs child, lost his beloved mother, nearly lost his wife in a car accident, and supported her through depression and mental health issues resulting from her brain injuries. Tragically, in 2016, Mark received the biggest blow of all when his wife of twenty years took her own life. Click for More

One of the most recognizable individuals in the entertainment industry, William Lee Golden (of the Oak Ridge Boys) and I talked about his music, life, and new book: BEHIND THE BEARD.   

For some caregivers, Father's Day can be complicated.  For other caregivers, it can be painful. In this special broadcast we discussed fathers, faith, and our ultimate Father.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

From our broadcast on June 12, 2021.  Can we as caregivers cultivate gratitude in our lives regardless of our loved one condition(s)?  “Gratitude is not only greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Author (and caregiver) Cara Whitney (wife of Dan Whitney - AKA LARRY THE CABLE GUY) discusses her deep faith and lessons she learns around her farm about herself, God's love, and sharing her faith. 

Do you ever feel that God has forgotten you or forgotten to be gracious to you?  If so, you're in good company. In this episode from our radio show, I used a hymn and a psalm to guide us on answering the anguish and despair in our hearts.   O God, our help in ages past, Our hope for years to come, Our shelter from the stormy blast, And our eternal home. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

The Art of Choice: Making Changes that Count in Work and Life offers lessons from business leaders, along with keys for gaining perspective, experiencing clarity, and achieving results whether you are starting out in your career, facing a major life decision, or nearing retirement.  Author Terry Warren is passionate about helping people employ intention and commitment to achieve what they may not have believed was possible.   https://warrenexecutivecoach.com/

According to a recent survey, 92% of  Americans want to age in their own homes and communities.  Given the disperse of the American family. and the challenges of caregiving, this goal seems unattainable. That's why companies such as ADT are offering an increasing number of services that help caregivers be in two places at the same time ...while keeping vulnerable loved ones safe.   www.adt.com   

More than once, I've glossed over the the genealogy sections of the Bible. Yet over the weekend, I saw something in Matthew chapter 1 that I'd never noticed before ...and I felt it appropriate to share on Memorial Day.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

La Vonne Earl tackles this difficult topic of sexual trauma in her new book, Born to Bloom. She called the show to discuss this and ways to care for those victimized by sexual trauma. 

Set to the tune, FINLANDIA, Be Still My Soul" remains one of the most treasured hymns of the Christian faith. It's timeless message reflects a Biblical response to our prone to fret and worry about things beyond our control. The stress and challenges of caregiving often cause our anxieties to near deafening levels. We discussed this on the show ...and how this hymn speaks to our anxious hearts.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

It's hard to know what to say to individuals struggling with grief. Sometimes, good intentions offer bad platitudes.  Messianic Rabbi Eric Walker of Igniting a Nation joined us for this special show to discuss Biblical understanding of engaging those who grieve. 

The road for us as caregivers can get a bit dicey. On the show today, I discussed a particularly treacherous road we traveled, and the lesson learned. From our radio broadcast MAY 15 2021 www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Rayna Neises  lost both of her parents to Alzheimer’s Disease twenty years apart.  After her season of caring for her dad through his journey, she founded A Season of Caring Coaching where she offers encouragement, support, and resources so other caregivers do not find themselves aimlessly wandering through this important season of life.    

We hammer this issue regularly, because caregivers repeatedly find themselves struggling with guilt.  This usually occurs due to the “Caregiver FOG” (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt). In the disorienting caregiver FOG, caregivers mistakenly feel guilty for even thinking of their own needs.  In addition, they easily lose themselves and their identity in the drama and chaos of their loved ones. When that happens, enabling often takes over.

A caller to the show struggled with a problem many are facing:  how to handle someone with dementia. In her case, it involved the family finances. "My husband has Parkinson's and dementia but yesterday he spent $1,400 in the stock market. Should I just give him grace?"  Our topic for this show was "grace." But sometimes, we misapply grace when boundaries would serve us (and our loved ones) better.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

Compassion Radio's Bram Floria interviewed me for a two part series on the family caregiver.  compassionradio.com

Detaching from the poor conduct of an impaired loved one remains one of the toughest challenges for family caregivers. Sometimes the behavioral issues stem from chronic pain, dementia, pharmaceuticals or fear—maybe they’re just having a bad day. Regardless of why, we don’t have to take it personally—even if it sounds personal.

We all volunteer to serve as caregivers. Sadly, some people abandon a spouse, parent, or even a child ...they have that choice. Although feeling obligated may drive so much of it, you're still serving. Isn't that worth celebrating something extraordinary about you? www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

During our first full winter in Montana, a friend gave me some of the best advice for the snowy road conditions here in the Treasure State. “Drive at the speed you’re comfortable slamming into the ditch at.” While laughing at the pointed guidance, I also considered the implications for other areas. As caregivers, we often race around at breakneck speeds—while in treacherous conditions. Relationships, money, and our health can all be severe hazards. The faster we move, the greater the risks.

Veteran Journalist, Richard Lui (MSNBC, NBC) shares how his journey as a caregiver for his father with Alzheimer's opened a door to understand more of the human condition.  The award-winning news anchor decided to set aside his growing career to care for family. Selflessness, however, did not come easily. So, Richard set out to explore why he struggled. From a journalist's point of view, he digs into and shares stories from his seven-year "selfless" exploration. In this book, "Enough About Me - The Unexpected Power of Selflessness," Richard shares how small choices toward selflessness are not a compromise, but instead a way to a more satisfying life.  www.richardlui.com

Caregivers often berate and judge themselves without mercy over their job performance. In this episode, I invite caregivers to use a different criteria. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

From our live radio show on April 17, 2021. Our opening monologue tackles the obligation issue faced by caregivers, and then we step over to the "Caregiver Keyboard" to play the hymn of the day. Our phones lit up with callers who knew the hymn ...and all had moving stories, as well. 

One of the driving missions of our show is to equip caregivers to better navigate the journey of a caregiver. Part of that is attitude. While so much of what we face as caregivers lies beyond our control, our attitude remains firmly in our own hands and heart.  We are as happy or miserable as we choose to be.  There's more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

As caregivers, we often treat ourselves mercilessly when we make mistakes. One of the goals of our show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is to equip caregivers to "get back up on the horse."  We're going to fall. We're going to fail. We're going to get it wrong. And, we'll get criticism from family, friends, the loved one we care for, and ourselves.  Listen to the show each week on American Family Radio (Sat mornings at 8 AM Eastern)  Call in, share your thoughts, and participate in the journey towards being a healthier caregiver.  Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers!   

From our radio broadcast, a special message (and bonus song) for family caregivers. 

Gracie recorded this beloved hymn that reminds us all of our hope of salvation.  https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/music/ In Romans 6:23, Paul states that "...the wages of sin is death." In Hebrews 9:22, we learn "...And according to the law almost everything must be cleansed with blood; without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness." God provided a way ...and that's what we commemorate on Good Friday. 

John and I were joined by Denny Brownlee (Humor Actor / Voice Actor / Writer)  www.dennyvoices.com  Denny discussed finding his role in caring for his mother, and value humor continues to bring.  We also featured more "John Butler" and a special guest joined us at the end of the show.  Our "After show" dialogue was so much fun we added that following the show closing. 

One of the vivid lessons we've experienced in the COVID-19 pandemic is the heartbreak of not being able to hug, shake hands, or physically connect with loved ones.  Imagine that as a permanent condition.  This was our plight ...until Christ. That's the message we discuss in this episode from our radio broadcast. 

Struggling with fear remains one of the most difficult things for family caregivers. We discussed this on our broadcast recently and asked callers to share their stories. 

How we deal with fear remains one of the bigger challenges for family caregivers. All too often, our loneliness and isolation foster so many dark thoughts and fears that we can become paralyzed ...or worse.  In this special episode, John and  I delve into this topic with our usual goofy selves .,..and in a way that helps shed some light into dark places for caregivers.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Attorney Jason Neufeld joined the show to discuss Elder Law (ElderNeedsLaw.com ), Medicaid, and Special Needs Trusts.  From protecting your assets to providing for a special needs family member, Jason breaks down the steps, goals, and pathways towards healthier finances for caregivers and their families.   https://www.elderneedslaw.com/medicaid-planning-attorney

"...A time to weep and a time to laugh," Eccl. 3:4 As caregivers, we certainly weep enough ...but do we laugh? You will while listening to this episode!

Even if an alcoholic or addict is in recovery, addiction is chronic impairment - requiring a lifetime of pushing against it and working some sort of recovery program. Wherever one finds a chronic impairment, there's always a caregiver. For those in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict (prescription or illicit drug use),, boundaries remain critical part of that caregiver's life. Caregivers have no power to change their loved one, but they can protect themselves ( and their belongings).     

Al Kushner, author of The Savvy Guide to Buying Burial Insurance : What You Need to Know Before You Meet With Your Agent calls the show and provides great tips and insights that help make this important decision a lot easier.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

As caregivers, we often find ourselves in NUMEROUS doctor's offices. Sometimes, those meetings are unproductive, or worse ...go sideways. When I recorded this some years ago, more than 60 doctors had treated my wife. The numbers grown to more than 100 ...but these three principles remain critical for ensuring successful physician appointments. For more help on your journey as a caregiver, get my book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 

I picked the topic, but callers took it in a much different direction. From vaccines to mourning, this show hit a pile of topics.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

On a whim, Kate Washington took an online survey about her status as a caregiver. The results revealed she was "Already Toast."  Digging deeper, Kate learned her plight mirrored that of so many other caregivers.  Sharing her story against the backdrop of where America's vast number of caregivers are heading, Kate offers insights and a path she feels can be of great service to so many.  www.kawashington.com 

Have you ever left the stove on? Think about seniors, families with special needs children who cook or maybe accidently leave a fork on the plate in a microwave? There are many dangerous scenarios that can lead to kitchen fires.  Peter Thorpe,, a firefighter/paramedic invented a  product to help prevent these fires through his amazing invention, FIREAVERT. Enter the promo code CAREGIVER to receive an additional discount on this innovative solution to a need felt by so many caregivers.   USE PROMO CODE:  Caregiver 

Opening up the phone lines, i asked callers to the broadcast to share a song that's meant something to them in their caregiving journey.  From Doris Akers to Steve Nicks ...we had a quite a selection! www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music 

Hugely successful songwriter, Jerry Salley shares wonderful insights into the Nashville songwriting world. "We all have a song in us!" - Jerry Salley Jerry's career spans 30+ years and an amazing list of huge stars have cut his songs.  Bringing an extraordinary talent and heart to this music, Jerry shares his powerful song, SAVING GRACE, about a man caring for his wife with Alzheimer's.  Jerry's heart and passion continues to move and inspire audiences , and John and I were delighted to have him on the show.  www.jerrysalley.com  

Shannon Serie, MD called the show to discuss the role of caregivers when their loved ones face a cancer diagnosis. Dr. Serie is the assistant professor of oncology at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, TN. An educated caregiver is an empowered caregiver, and Dr. Serie walked us through many of the issues patients and caregivers can expect.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

In addition to all the challenges of caregiving, many family caregivers struggle under the additional burden of being treated poorly.  From accusations of stealing to abuse, the heartache of poor treatment wears down the already burdened hearts of countless caregivers.  Sadly, the isolation of caregiving keeps this issue in the dark, and abused caregivers may feel they're all alone in this.  We talked about this on the show, and let callers share their stories.

"Nancy, I'm going to die."  This is the message my guest heard from her mother-in-law, Lucille, as the inevitable drew closer. Yet, Lucille, had one more extraordinary gift for Nancy as they faced her death.   

Hilarious author, attorney, and fellow caregiver, Ellen Rittberg called the show to talk about her new book: "Why is Grandma Naked? Caring for Your Aging Parent."  

What can be said to people who suffer—and groan? When we see ourselves, loved ones, neighbors, and even our nation groaning under injustice, some may thunder out, “God’s sovereign!” In those moments, however, may we instead state with deep conviction (and often through tears) that there is One who groans about injustice and suffering on our behalf …and He will one day make all things new. https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/justice-when-people-groan/ 

Sometimes, a meal can represent a powerful memory, and so I asked callers about a meal or dish with special significance to them as a caregiver.   

Emmy award winner, Leeza Gibbons, called the show to discuss her work in strengthening fellow caregivers. She also stuck around with us to do our (hilarious) "UNHEALTHY and HEALTHY Songs for Caregivers" Bit.  Check out all that she's doing at:  www.leezagibbons.com 

Many caregivers struggle with the often massive bills involved in caregiving. What do you do when the debt piles up? What about when an aging loved passes away and leaves an estate full of debt. Michael Grayson, PhD, shares a path to safety from financial despair and crushing debt. If you, or the estate of a loved one is facing debt collectors, contact Dr. Grayson and his staff before writing any checks.  https://build850credit.com/  

One of the most influential people in my life continues to be my piano professor from college, John Arnn. Now retired from Nashville's Belmont University, John fills his day with composing, arranging hymns and choral pieces, writing his second novel ...and even taking time to appear on his student's podcast!  John's teaching greatly enhanced my love of arranging hymns, and in this episode, we discussed how the principles apply to the family caregiver.   

Pat Moffett details his journey with his wife, Carmen, following her early onset diagnosis with Alzheimer's disease. His book, "Ice Cream in the Cupboard was turned into a movie that can be watched on Amazon Prime.   

As Caregivers, we certainly live with heartbreaking circumstances, but is there joy ...and even laughter?  Now in my my 35th year as a caregiver, I don't think Gracie and I could do this without keeping a sense of humor. In today's show, we talk about that, play a few hymns, and take a lot of calls. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

These were words to Gracie from a psychiatrist friend of mine who saw me staying around the clock at the hospital and turning into a zombie.  As caregivers, we tend to be tough, capable, and innovative. But just because we CAN do something, doesn't always mean we SHOULD do it.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

In this podcast episode, John and I discussed a music theory principle and how it connects to caregivers. 

Back in the mid 1800's a blind minister wrote an amazing lyric that became of one the most beloved hymns of all time. This episode, from our 1/21/2021 broadcast, features that hymn ...as well as callers sharing their stories, fears, and triumphs.  I included this hymn on my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, and you can stream it by clicking on this link. https://music.amazon.com/albums/B01MDPNRHF?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&trackAsin=B01MG2X5VU    

Paula from OK called to share her frustration and guilt for not finding a good church home during the COVID-19. Paula's got quite a story and she is VASTLY different than she was when she first called the show nearly two years ago.  Take a listen to her exuberance (and me teasing her for calling me "DAN"). I sent her to watch Stephens Valley Church online from Nashville TN until she finds a church home in OK.  www.stephensvalleychurch.com 

Most caregivers deal with disorienting feelings and events. I call it the Caregiver FOG.   

As caregivers, do we listen to words of life?  This episode is from our radio broadcast 1/16/2021. We interview Dan Steiner, President of Preborn (Preborn.org), take calls, and have musical trivia that I offer from the keyboard. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

For this bonus episode of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's podcast, we wanted to include 5 chapters of my audio book:  HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Enjoy ...! You can learn more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books

After a challenging year of the COVID-19, businesses shut down, and civil unrest, we start off 2021 with a political powder keg.  Is it any wonder so many feel discouraged and unsettled?  Given that, I invited my longtime friend and pastor from Nashville, Jim Bachmann to talk about trusting God in unsettling times. As caregivers, we're no stranger to difficult times, and the lessons we learn in the trenches of caregiving can be helpful in others, as well.  www.stephensvalleychurch.com  Learn more about Pastor Bachmann at www.stephensvalleychurch.com   

We often start the broadcast with a trivia question, so I asked the audience to tell me which hymn contained this stanza ...and then we discussed how this affects the family caregiver.  ( plus I played it live on the keyboard, along with other hymns mentioned by callers.) Not a burden we bear, Not a sorrow we share, But our toil He doth richly repay; Not a grief or a loss, Not a frown or a cross,  But is blest if we ____________ check out this link for more of our music. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/music

Sometimes, we set ourselves up for failure by setting lofty, but unattainable goals for ourselves as caregivers. When we ambitiously set goals that may be unrealistic, we can often discourage ourselves when they are unmet. Goals are important, but they need to reflect the reality of our circumstances.  John and I discussed this and other items in this episode. We also ended with an entertaining bit on the movie Galaxy Quest!  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

From Hope for the Caregiver's Weekly Broadcast January 2 2021. ABOUT PETER Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter Rosenberger draws upon a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers. www.hopeforthecaregiver,ccom

Using foundational, Biblical truths, Rhianna’s upbeat nature is gracious, refreshing, and generates an empowering excitement to take on any obstacle with supernatural strength and courage. Her journey of being mother to her amazing daughter, Kaiya, with severe special needs, has led her to a tangible knowledge of those Biblical truths.  www.RhiannaSanford.com     About Peter Rosenberger Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through her extreme medical challenges, Peter Rosenberger draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers. His  radio program, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard weekly on more than 200 stations.

I asked John Butler to read the Christmas story from Luke 2.  Those familiar with the show and podcast will know John as the producer of the show for nearly 9 years. He offered his rich voice to this beloved passage of scripture, and Gracie and I provided the music. Merry Christmas! Peter, Gracie, and John www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

There is no record of God speaking to His people for centuries between the Old and New Testament times. In this episode, we discuss how that impacts a family caregiver. Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, Peter draws upon his lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to fellow caregivers.   www.hopeforthecaregiver

John and I discussed several more Christmas Gifts that are affordable, easy, meaningful, and beneficial to family caregivers ...that caregivers can give themselves.

I asked my guest on the show, author Rick Lauber, "What did you learn about yourself that surprised you in a positive way?"   His answer was extremely moving and a must hear for fellow caregivers.  Find out more about Rick and his books at www.ricklauber.com 

Kathie Lee Gifford called the show to discuss her new book, "It's Never Too Late."  While Kathie Lee remains a household name, Gracie and I have had the privilege of getting to know her a little more up close and personal. You'll hear this in our candid conversation about trusting God in heartache, forgiveness, and loneliness.  Yet, you will also hear a lot of laughter. But as Kathie Lee says about moments of great sorrow that often right turn into joy "...that's life!"  You will want to listen and then share this wonderful interview with delightful woman who's brought joy and laughter ...and inspiration to millions of us for a lifetime.  About Peter Rosenberger Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, Peter Rosenberger offers a lifetime of experience as a lifeline to fellow caregivers. His show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is syndicated on more than 200 stations, and he is author of several books and a lengthy list of published commentaries.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

For many caregivers, the relationship between themselves and their loved ones may have faded beyond recognition due to cognitive impairment.  When you're loved one can't remember your name, getting a card from them is certainly out of the question. Here's an idea I came up with years ago that seemed to catch on for a lot of my fellow caregivers.  If you need some help with it, call my friends Ken and Cindy Najar at Logos Bookstore in Nashville TN. (615) 297-5388.  You don't have to live in Nashville ...or even TN. They help people with this and other things from literally around the world.  Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers, and that healthiness always starts at the heart level.  This is a great way to help ease the heartache you may carry as a caregiver. 

All too many caregivers feel that talking with a wealth advisor or investment group is for rich people.  Tommy Doerfler, of Lighthouse Wealth Team calls the show to debunk that and other myths about investing.  www,hopeforthecaregiver.com  Great Christmas gifts for caregivers

Founder of Caregivers by Wholecare, returns to the show to help share the new changes in home care services in light of the COVID-19.  Technology is playing a huge role in how our seniors and impaired loved ones are cared for at home, and Elizabeth brings her decades of experience to help unpack the new look of home care.  Learn more at 615 298-9201   For Christmas this year ...give that gifts that speak "fluent caregiver."   

When we started HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER many years ago, we wanted to provide a place where caregivers felt they could share painful things in a safe place and receive clear and helpful feedback. This caller admitted something during the call that he hadn't admitted before:  He's angry with his wife for her years of smoking that have now robbed them both of a better quality of life.  I value the trust caregivers place in me and the confidence they feel to share their hearts on the show. 

From Hope for the Caregiver's Radio broadcast DECEMBER 5, 2020. Plus callers, and a tricky trivia question! www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

As caregivers, we regularly shake hands with the abnormal.  Yet, are we able to insert “normalcy” in that abnormal. During one holiday event, Gracie’s grandmother provided a teachable moment in a hospital cafeteria. In addition, this episode features two of our favorite poems while also discussing two gifts caregivers can give to themselves during Christmas.  John and I packed quite a bit into this episode.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

Many of us have favorite and treasured hymns that encourage, comfort and inspire us.  The backstories of many of these hymns, however, remain unknown to most.  In the 1600's an amazing pastor penned the lyrics to this particular hymn that is still sung by millions world-wide. But did you know that he wrote it during a horrific war that caused him to bury more than 4,000 people (including his wife) in just one year? Listen in to this inspiring true story.    www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

After our Saturday broadcast, I usually receive a lot of messages, and this one really tugged at my heart. John and I recently discussed this poem written by Theresa Loder about her life as caregiver.  I felt you would find it as meaningful as I did.  Peter www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Most any caregiver will tell you that a good night’s sleep is often hard to find. One of my closest friends and fellow caregiver called the show to discuss sleep deprivation. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sleep-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354018

Stephanie Erickson ( MSW LCSW), draws on her 25+ year career to offer easy to understand guidance to millions of family caregivers of aging loved ones. https://stephanieerickson.ca/book/   Her new book is:  PLAN FOR AGING WELL Building a team to provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support as we age

From my CD, "Songs for the Caregiver," this song captures the heart of so many caregivers as they struggle with the uncertainties. The holidays are particularly stressful for caregivers, and even more so during the COVID-19. My hope is that this song will strengthen your heart. I wrote this with my friend, Buddy Mundlock, and the entire CD is available for download on Amazon, I-Tunes, Apple Music.

Imagine being setup like the prophet Daniel. The bureaucrats of his time could find no fault in him, but their hatred pushed them to fabricate a trap. When Daniel learned of their schemes, he did something unexpected by others. He did something we as caregivers can model in our lives today. From Hope for the Caregiver’s Broadcast 11/14/2020 www.hopeforthecaregiver.com  

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's Radio Broadcast 11/7/2020

We caregiver often look at the external circumstances and wish them to be better so that we could feel better. But "looking in the mirror" and seeing our own circumstances, heart, behavior, and failings cause us to feel despair.  Is that the right way to do this?  John and I discuss how we as caregivers can see ourselves in a way that doesn't cause despair.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

John and I discussed a young man who, at 21, has a 4-year-old son with autism.  While having a 4-year-old can be stressful in any situation, autism brings a intense set of challenges. We shared pathways to safety and help for this young man ...and others living with similar circumstances.  Peter Rosenberger www.HopeForTheCaregiver.com  

Check out a bottle of A.1. Sauce ...and look at the date established. 1862! While the recipe was created ( I think) by a guy who cooked for King George  years before, in the midst of the worst time in our country's history ...someone (or several someones) decided, "We need more flavor for our meals!"  As caregivers, we often find ourselves embroiled in all types of conflicts and challenges. Can we offer more flavor? YES!    

The first thing that God said wasn't good can be found in Genesis 2:18. In today's episode from our 10/31/20 broadcast discusses how this passage connects to family caregivers. 

In this episode, I invited Dr. Dominic Aquila to the show to discuss the importance of solid theology to support the weight of our suffering and heartache. Dr. Dominic A. Aquila is president of New Geneva Theological Seminary in Colorado Springs, Colo. At the present time, he is also serving as an interim pastor of Covenant Reformed Presbyterian Church in Ft. Pierce, Fla. He is editor of The Aquila Report (www.theaquilareport.com), an independent web magazine for and about evangelicals in the Reformed and Presbyterian family of churches. Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Now in his 35th year as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe traumatic disabilities, Peter draws upon his vast experience to strengthen fellow caregivers.   www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

As caregivers, we often care for others in trauma (emotional and/or physical) but do we respect our own? In this episode, we explain what this means, and also show how God Himself respects the trauma of those who hurt.    www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Aaron and Greg Tornquist return to the show to share their journey with Down Syndrome. Aaron (42) brings a zeal for life, a great sense of humor, and a spot on Elvis Tribute Hobby!  Greg is an award winning songwriter who offers a lifetime of wisdom to families living with a special needs child ...particularly those with Down Syndrome

When drug addiction invades a family, it can often lead into unconventional and often drastic steps to help stabilize the lives of children involved.  Such is the case with this extraordinary great-grandmother, Kay, who called the show to share her emotional story. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

If you have any time as a caregiver, you'll understand the question of whether or not you freak out? What are we going to do? What's going to happen? How are we going to ...? These and more questions flood our minds. We discussed this in this episode from the broadcast. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio 

Some caregiving scenarios involve complicated relationship dynamics. Such is the case with Terri in Texas who is caring for her husband's ex-wife.  What would you say to her? www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Right after her mother's funeral following her battle with breast cancer, Ginny Brant receives the news of her own diagnosis with this disease. She shares the story of how she's fought back and taken control of her health.  72% of caregivers fail to see their own physician.  More than 60% of caregivers are women. Ginny brings a powerful and timely message during breast cancer awareness month to fellow caregivers of the importance of our own health

Since I tested positive for COVID19 several months ago and fully recovered (I was virtually asymptomatic), I recently donated plasma to be used as a Convalescent Plasma for those fighting COVID-19. Brooke Way, Communications Manager for VITALANT  called the show to share the need and how their company is helping.  I couldn't resist asking her if the President received my plasma!! Please visit their website to see if you are eligible to donate. 

As a caregiver, do you struggle with the 30,000 foot view?  When we're slicing through the jungle trying to find a path, it's hard to keep perspective and the despair kicks in.  In this clip, John and I discussed this, and what we're doing about it through this show.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

As caregivers, we're often faced with frightening things. We also have others who criticize us or demoralize us with their words or actions. Sometimes, it's the very person we care for. When these things happen, our confidence ...and our feelings of self worth ...plummet. What does God have to say about those things?  On today's episode, we look to the Book of Numbers, Chapter 14 to see a timeless principle.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

EVERY caregiver will at some point fall into the trap of beating themselves up without mercy.  If an impaired love one joins that chorus (not to mention family members), then how does a caregiver endure with ANY healthy self esteem? We discussed this in today's episode.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

The role of caregiver is too difficult and critical to assume with poor belief systems, and masculinity myths hamstringing men in this role must be addressed and erased. https://www.christianpost.com/voices/real-men-dont-cry-and-other-myths-about-masculinity-male-caregivers.html

Feeling she was falling apart and going under, Gina from Texas called the show to share how she abandoned her sister as they struggled to care for their father with Alzheimer's.  Struggling with this, Gina seeks to reconcile, and we discussed this on the show.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

The first of the Jewish High Holy Days is Rosh Hashanah.  It literally the "day of shouting or blasting." This "shouting is a call to something ...but what?  My longtime friend, Rabbi Eric Walker, calls the show to discuss this and helps connect the dots to how this can meaningful affect a family caregiver.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Let's face it, the frenetic pace of caregiving leaves little time for just being still. Even if we get the time, do we know how to be still?   In this episode, we unpack this topic and take calls from caregivers who practice this in surprising ways.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

From Hope for the Caregiver's LIVE Broadcast ...9/12/2020 As a caregiver, do you feel somewhat intimated by the need and the challenge? There's a great scripture we discuss today that encourages you to keep PUSHING! 

Tele-medicine. Virtual monitoring. Emergency Contacts. Engagement. Safety. Caregivers need these boxes checked, and Gracie and I use a system doing all that and more! Imagine a parent at the end of her rope while caring for a special needs child getting a daily phone call from a caring person breaking through the isolation to check on that stressed mom.  What kind of difference would that make? It's all just one click away for you as a caregiver.  https://mycompanion247.com/protect/

During the pandemic, Core Civic continues to care for 13,000 workers and tens of thousands of inmates at their 69 facilities across the country. Steve Conry (VP of Core Services) called the show to discuss the logistics and commitment of Core Civic to their workers and to those incarcerated in their facilities.  Matt More (SR director re-entry services) also discuss the role of faith-based programs like the prosthetic limb recycling program founded by my wife, Gracie, through our organization Standing With Hope (the parent company of Hope for the Caregiver.) 

Do you feel cluttered?  Not just physically, but emotionally as well?  John and I discuss mise en place which is a French culinary term meaning 'putting in place" or "everything has a place."

We caregivers often feel that we won't be satisfied unless the resolution of conflict or circumstances is what we want and expect. But great music doesn't often work that way ...and neither does life.  A lesson from my jazz piano professor drives this point home using the familiar chord progression ii-V-I.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Think of a teacher who left a huge impact on you. If they are still alive, call them. If not, maybe call their family and let them. Teachers deserve to know when what they offer in the classroom extends for a lifetime.  Such is the case with my college composition professor and advisor, Bill Pursell. https://www.latimes.com/obituaries/story/2020-09-05/william-pursell-grammy-nominated-composer-dies-covid19  He was also a fellow caregiver, and the lessons I learned from him in his studio and classroom will stay with me for the rest of my life.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers. 

Like Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia, addiction and alcoholism can overtake a person. How does a caregiver respond to an abusive addict or alcoholic who has been overtaken by their disease? These are hard questions faced by so many caregivers. I discussed this with John during this episode. Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers. 

My friend, Bryan Pennington ( and licensed financial planner) called the show to discuss the financial challenges facing all of us as we either are a caregiver, will be a caregiver ...or need a caregiver.  Even if you're not local for Bryan, give him a call for a free consult. 615 319-6069

Caregivers often respond with what the "adult" responsibilities and expectations in them prompt them to say.  But the heart sometimes speaks a different language.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Learn more by clicking pictures  

As caregivers, life seems to relentlessly hit us like gale force winds. There's often so much clutter and so many tasks that we feel overwhelmed to the point of paralysis and despair.  Here's something I learned in my 3 1/2 decades as a caregiver that you might find helpful.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Learn more by clicking pictures

When faced with painful circumstances, we all struggle with reconciling a good and loving God with brutal challenges. Some, however, tend to take it further and look for ways to lay the blame on the individual (or even caregiver).  In fact, Jesus' own disciples did this. In this monologue from the show, we discussed Jesus' response ...and the impact on family caregivers. 

Do you know all the pills you and/or your loved one takes? In an emergency, can paramedics or medical staff quickly get that information? Can you describe each pill properly? If keeping up with prescription is part of your life as a caregiver, then this tool from Kimber Westmore is essential for your life. In this episode, Kimber shares how she created this, used in her own life, and now makes it available for fellow caregivers. VISIT www.pillmap.com  to get this amazing tool TODAY!!! Use the coupon code "HOPE" for a 10% discount.        Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Heard weekly on 200+ stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.  Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.      

I invited my cousin, Meredith, to call the show and share her family's struggle and journey with their special needs daughter and the inability to attend school.  "We see the chaos of the world, but more than anything ...we just see the four walls of our home. There's a lot of guilt. You feel guilty if you send them ...or you feel guilty if you keep them home. There's a lot of guilt as a caregiver."  As you will discover, however, Meredith is not only insightful and experienced as a caregiver, but she is extremely funny and a brilliant woman who designed a piece of adaptive equipment for her daughter's wheelchair to help in the COVID-19 world. After listening to this interview ...please share it with EVERY special needs family you know. They will laugh, learn, and more importantly realize that their are NOT alone!    Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Heard weekly on 200+ stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.  Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.      

One of the primary goals of our show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, is to better equip and inspire others on how to help caregivers. Carlos called the show to talk about that, and just made our day ...because he GETS it!  You can hear Carlos' heart in his call and he is a wonderful example of those seeking to minister and care for hurting souls.    Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Heard weekly on 200+ stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.  Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.

What is "normal?"  As caregivers, we discover that we have to make our own normal ...and trust that we can have meaningful moments and even joy in that "normal of our own making,."  This caller and I discussed this in this clip from the show. In addition, as she struggled with figuring out how to care for her aging father, I pointed her to this service that Gracie and I use. We can often use technology offload some (not all!) of the monitoring components of our caregiving responsibilites.  https://hopeforthecaregiver.podbean.com/e/are-they-safe-are-you-a-easy-reliable-and-secure-way-to-offload-caregiving-challenges/ Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Heard weekly on 200 stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.  Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. (click on pic for more)  

If you or someone you love has experienced trauma, this show will connect in a powerful way.  After listening to this, my wife, Gracie wept and stated, "This was your best show, ever!" My guest for the entire show is Dr. Diane Langberg. We discussed her book: "Suffering and the Heart of God ...How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores." A counselor for nearly 50 years, she has works extensively with trauma and abuse victims.www.dianelangberg.com   Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER . The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of:

 As a caregiver, have you ever begged God to "deliver" you from the challenges?   God's own people did this when the lived in Babylon while in exile. They lamented and wanted to return to their home. To get back to "normal." God's answer to his own people may surprise you ...but in this monologue from the broadcast, we discussed how it applies to family caregivers.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com

I invited my long-time pastor and friend, Jim Bachmann, to call the show following a particularly meaningful sermon on Sunday. In addition to sharing what the church he served is doing (Stephens Valley Church in Nashville, TN) , he discussed the challenges for ministering to congregants ...many who feel so isolated during these times.    Yet, referring back to the message he gave earlier that day, he effectively pointed us to God's sovereignty, provision, and faithfulness. (THE SUFFERING SAVIOR) see below   For more, visit www.StephensValleyChurch.com         Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com

“If defensiveness is going up in the loved one, you can draw some conclusion about what the caregiver is doing.”  Dr. Liz Barnett brings a new tool for family caregivers:  Motivational Interviews.  All too many caregivers find themselves floundering in the drama that occurs when trying to get compliance. Maybe it's downsizing, wanting someone to take their meds, brush their teeth, or the myriad of things we face as caregivers. Dr. Barnett brings easy to understand tools to help us as caregivers take the first step in better relationships, less drama, and more efficacy while caring for our loved ones.  Learn More At www.DrLizBarnett.com  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com

Standing before Pontius Pilate, Jesus heard  him state, “You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have authority to release you and authority to crucify you?” The response of Jesus was astonishing ...and has profound implications for us all, and specifically in this monologue from the show, for us family caregivers.    Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  For more than 30 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie.     www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

American Family Radio general manager, Jim Stanley, guest hosted the show while Peter was out on some unexpected caregiving duties.  This episode features wonderful calls ...and some of them heartbreaking, To each of them, Jim brought a powerful message of hope and God's faithfulness to the audience in this moving episode.  Hope for the Caregiver is the nation's largest broadcast for family caregivers. Airing on nearly 200 stations each week, this is our episode from  July 25. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

9 years ago, Vaultt founder and CEO, Audrey Bond was frustrated with the inability to securely share important information about her daughter with her ex-husband. There was a disconnection and it caused a lot of stress and a ton of problems. Audrey saw the same stress and issues with not just divorced but also her married friends. Families in the military, families with parents that worked a lot, or traveled for work, or worked shift work, or had blended families or just very busy lives. Learn More About VAULTT today at www.vaultt.com    Everyone had the same problem. While there were organizational apps and document sharing platforms out there, none were user-friendly and more often than not, they were not secure and mined your data. More recently, both of Audrey’s parents became full dependents. Audrey’s mother is a paraplegic and her father has dementia. She was extremely stressed trying to manage their vital information, appointments and care and share it with her brother. Things were not well organized, she was caught in a digital world trying to organize, manage and share a pile of paperwork. The Power of Attorney form was in a folder in the office, and paperwork for taxes, insurance, medical requisitions, were in different locations and not shareable. She didn’t have an up-to-date list of prescriptions her parents were on or were supposed to be on. Trying to task family members and caretakers to attend medical appointments and report the feedback was a challenge enough. Being able to have that information digitized, easily accessible a shareable was impossible. Realizing that these problems were universal, she decided to build the tool that she and so many others needed. Her mission is to help as many families as possible to stay organized and connected, alleviate stress and give people back control of their data by building an end-to-end encrypted organizational platform for families and caregivers.       Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com

Do we simply wait on a vaccine, or can we do anything about our own ability to fight COVID-19 right now? Author, speaker, caregiver, and cancer survivor Ginny Dent Brant shares her journey of building her immune system while enduring brutal cancer treatments. Along the way, she's discovered ways that we can better equip our bodies to fight off diseases ...including COVID-19. Learn more about Ginny at www.ginnybrant.com and get a copy of her book ...TODAY!      Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

I recently wrote a commentary for the Christian Post about the vandalizing of my home church's cemetery in South Carolina.  But, the heartbreaking story set up an amazing twist that demonstrates what's best in America.    Bo Snerdly, the famous call-screener for talk radio icon, Rush Limbaugh, read the story and had me on the show to be interviewed by guest host, Todd Herman, during Rush's absence for cancer treatment.  You can read the story. https://www.christianpost.com/voices/finding-the-path-towards-healing-in-america.html   Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST  

While I had to step away with unexpected caregiving duties, American Family Radio general manager, Jim Stanley, filled in for me on this special edition of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Jim brings his considerable understanding of the caregiver's journey to the conversation and asked the question, "as caregivers ...are we ready for the end?"  Not just our loved ones', but for ourselves as well? Hard topic, great calls ...and it's a part of our lives and journey as caregivers.    Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST    

Brain tumor, Alcoholism, and Breast Cancer ... Janine Urbaniak Reid ("The Opposite of Certainty") clearly understands brutal challenges. Yet, she's punched through these things and lives a life of meaning and purpose.  "...I just want off this planet. I don't really want to die, but I want there to be some other way. I had this fantasy where I could get my family and we could all go somewhere, but I don't know that is ....where a brain tumor cases to exist. But it was more like, 'I just want out.'" https://www.janineurbaniakreid.com/       Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

In the physical therapy room  at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Gracie and I encountered wounded soldiers dealing with various forms of "friendly fire." One soldier in particular lost a leg due to being hit by his own team ...and other soldiers dealt with crumbling marriages and families as they struggled to recover from devastating wounds.  How many of us deal with deep wounds caused by those “on our own team?” How many of us have caused damage to the ones we love and swore to protect? Sometimes “friendly fire” wounds are compounded with the shame of the wound itself. We feel like our wounds come with dishonor, and our fists clench with a rage —and we want to strike the one(s) who hurt us. One only needs to watch five minutes of the news each day to see the fury erupting in our country over the feelings of mistreatment. The protests on our street reflect that being wounded by those on the same team can leave scars that take can take generations to heal.  In moments of clarity, we can also realize with horror how poorly we treated those counting on us—and the guilt and shame fill us with despair. In our pain, we might even lash out at people who are simply trying to encourage us. In a quiet corner of a military hospital, a teachable moment for our nation’s current challenges occurred. When gripped with resentment over wounds that should not have happened, we discover the path to recovery is flanked by those walking in their own healing. Their successes help inspire our own. Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST  

Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

Let's face it, we caregivers are going to make a lot of mistakes in our journey. I still hold the title for "Crash-test dummy of Caregivers," and I'll bet I've forgotten more mistakes than most will make. (I still remember plenty to CRINGE over, however!)  Facing those mistakes, owning them, apologizing for them, and making amends (when possible), remains an important part of living as a healthy caregiver.  John and I discussed this in today's episode ...and we also talked about our pet peeves of "fake apologies" often on display by public figures.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

As the country seems so divided, stories like the Bonsall family's become increasingly important ...they reveal what is best about America. Joe Bonsall's fans all know him as the tenor of the Oak Ridge Boys, and this Hall of Fame, Award Winning artist has certainly endeared himself to millions.  They may not know, however, the sacrifice his family made for this great nation. Listen to his story.    Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

In a recent interview with superstar comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, I asked him about writing comedy in our divided culture. Take a listen to his answer.    Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

The pain, challenges, and heartache for caregivers often doesn't end at a funeral.  In this clip from our show, John and I discussed a callers recent admission of feeling guilty over an end of life issue for his father ...twenty years after the event.  Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST

Our long-time friend, Elizabeth Moss, called the show to share insights on caring for an aging loved one during the pandemic. The founder of Nashville TN’s premiere in home care company, Elizabeth brings a valuable background in Nursing, Alcohol and Drug treatment, and Geriatrics. Elizabeth dedicates her life to on-going training, education and experience for the well-being of others. She has been a devoted and professional caregiver since 1994 in the areas of Assessment Training, Activities Therapy, Certified Nursing Technician, Licensed Practical Nurse of Geriatrics and Integrative Health Practices such as Reflexology, Aromatherapy, and other modes of therapeutic care. During a particularly difficult stretch for us (when we lived in Nashville), Elizabeth and her team cared for Gracie.  Even if you are not in the Middle TN area, Elizabeth has ample resources on her company's website to help with the challenges of caring for an aging loved one ...particularly during the pandemic. As you select a service, PLEASE compare them to Elizabeth's company ...who I believe sets the high standard. Check our her website at: www.CaregiversByWholeCare.com    Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians.  Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com  CLICK HERE TO BE A PATRON FOR THIS PODCAST  

We all live with terrible regrets over things we've said or done ...even if at the time we felt we had the best of intentions. This caller expressed his sorrow over things he said ...however well meaning ...to his mother as she mourned the loss of his father. He felt he was helping, but looking back ..he realized he should have handled it differently.  We spend some time talking about that, and how we as caregivers can better sort through our inventory of mistakes.  Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.   Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.   

"Must, Should, Need, Have To ..." These are all words that reflect that a caregiver's fallen into the obligation trap. Obligation is the gateway to resentment, and all too many caregivers find themselves struggling with deep resentment towards themselves, their loved ones, family members who didn't help, medical personnel, employers, and even God.  From our radio broadcast on June 27, we discussed this issue and how we as caregivers avoid "The Obligation Trap."  This episode is part of our series on the FOG ( Fear -Obligation-Guilt) of Caregivers.  Click here to see more about THE FOG of Caregivers.  Peter Rosenberger www.standingwithhope.com 

Did you know that you can recycle prosthetic limbs?  Until my wife, Gracie, lost both of her legs ... we didn't realize that the components, feet, knees, pylons, adapters, screws, prosthetic socks, belts, and other related items for prosthetic limbs could be recycled.  When Gracie and I launched STANDING WITH HOPE in Ghana, we set about collecting used prosthetic limbs from prosthetists, funeral homes, families of amputees, and even some of Gracie's former limbs. I used to sit in our den surrounded by used prosthetic limbs and disassemble those devices late into the evening.  Then, I'd box all the parts in good working order ...and ship them to Ghana, or stuff them in our suitcases to take over during our trips.  Eventually, the task grew to great to manage, and we found an unusual partner to help us recycle these devices. Listen to Gracie discuss this ...and please share this with as many as you can. The more prosthetic limbs we recycle ...the more people we can help walk!  Peter Rosenberger www.standingwithhope.com   

One of the more troubling issues facing us as caregivers is caring for someone who is in chronic pain. This is a continuation of our discussion about this topic for family caregivers.  Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.   Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.   

Teachable moments often appear in unexpected places. For example, a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark drove home a core principle about being in a relationship with someone who lives with pain.  This episode is part of series we're doing on chronic pain, suffering, pain management, and other issues that affect us as family caregivers. Feel free to add your thoughts ...and share this with someone you know who lives with a suffering loved one.  Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.   Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.   

From Hope for the Caregiver 6/20/2020. A pastor friend once told me, "Rage is the most delicious of sins - it gives the illusion of power."  As a caregiver, we find ourselves faced with a long list of injustices. Do we rage against them? What does that look like as a caregiver?  For me, i discovered a surprising antidote for rage. We talked about it on the air, plus took calls ...one in particular provided an opportunity to explore the current destruction in our cities as a teachable moment.  Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.   Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws. 

A recent opinion column of mine sparked an interest the subject of "In these uncertain times." American Family Radio asked to interview me for short spot that airs on their network.  Click Here to read the article: https://hopeforthecaregiver.com/uncertain-times-story-of-humanity/    Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. He and his wife, Gracie (who has recovered from the COVID-19 virus) live in Southwest Montana. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com    

In this Father's Day message, my friend, Pastor Jim Bachmann talks about a story we all know ...from a different perspective than most have heard.  Rev. Jim Bachmann is the senior pastor of Stephens Valley Church in Nashville, TN. He's been our pastor and friend for more than twenty years. You can livestream Stephens Valley and also access their archives. Caregiving is hard enough. It's harder alone.  It's even harder without an assurance of God's love and provision. This message strengthens my heart, and I believe it will also encourage yours.  Peter Rosenberger   Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.     

Saturday Night Live Alum, Jim Breuer, called the show for a special Father's Day episode. In all our years on the air, Jim's interview soared up to one of my all time favorites.  "If you don't have people who can laugh with you ...you're doomed." - Jim Breuer From Home Improvement to Saturday Night Live, Jim Breuer brings a comedy legacy to audiences across the country. Calling the show, Jim also shared his huge heart and great love of family as shared his own journey as a caregiver.  Recalling introducing his father to Sylvester Stallone, Jim launched into an impression of the Rocky star that had us howling with laughter. Jim's rapid fire delivery showed no mercy to John and me as we vainly tried to catch our breath. But then just as quick, Jim opened his heart to share deeply personal and poignant events with his father. Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws. 

One of the most welcome, encouraging, and consistent voices to family caregivers is Gary Barg. for decades, he's lead the "Fearless Caregiver" conferences and published "Today's Caregiver."  In his new book, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, Gary continues ...even in this time of social distancing ...to find new ways to grab as many caregivers by the lapels and let them know that they indeed are not alone.  Listen to his inspiring (and hilarious) conversation with me (and John Butler- the Count of Mighty Disco) from Sunday's show.  Find out more about Gary and his book at www.Caregiver.com    Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope    

Ask any caregiver of aging loved ones about one of the toughest issues, and "getting them to stop driving" hovers at the top of the list.  Matt Gurwell spent decades as an Ohio State Trooper and made the "...long walk to the patrol car" following too many heartbreaking notifications to family members.  Once he retired, he determined to do something different and help provide a different path for families struggling with aging loved ones with impairments ...who hang on to the car keys too long.  KeepingUsSafe.org is Matt's company, and listen to his story and learn more about his company ...and how they can help YOU and your loved ones tackle the "driving" issue.  As a caregiver, do you respect the trauma that YOU'VE endured?  In this episode, we delve into this often overlooked issue that caregivers face.    Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.   Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope  

As a caregiver, do you respect the trauma that YOU'VE endured?  In this episode, we delve into this often overlooked issue that caregivers face.  Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.   Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope  

Learning a life-lesson for caregivers from a broken vending machine, this clip shares how we as caregivers can look to a greater source for our affirmation.           SPONSORED BY:  

Some of the most expensive real estate for family caregivers is the peace of mind we crave but rarely find. Here's a brief monologue from the show (HopefortheCaregiver.com/radio) that delves into this difficult subject for caregivers.  Sponsored by:  STANDING WITH HOPE

Formerly known as The Galloping Gourmet, celebrated author and longtime caregiver for his beloved wife, Treena, Graham Kerr provides a powerful metaphor which describes the life of a caregiver. 

When Erin Galyean's sister received a terrible diagnosis, Erin determined to not only support her, but to become a powerful advocate on her sister's behalf.  "There were times when i was intimidated, scared, and even felt stupid, but I pushed through all that ...the stakes were just too high."  As I told Erin in this interview, I wish I had her book when traveling through so much of Gracie's journey. Erin brings a passion and contagious enthusiasm to fellow caregivers and communicates clearly that ALL of us can become:    Peter Rosenberger hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER (www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio).   For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. 

So many caregivers are acquainted with despair ...we shake hands with fear. Who can we look to for guidance?  Jeremiah was often called the weeping prophet. In the book of Lamentations (that's a great word for the feelings we so often share), Jeremiah pours out his despair ...but then check out what happens next.  Peter Rosenberger hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio  For more information, click here.  

Multi Grammy award nominee and 7-time Dove award winner ( and fellow caregiver) Steve Green called the show. His iconic music career frames Steve's enormous passion for communicating the Gospel to broken lives. In this conversation, I asked Steve to reflect on current challenges facing our country and the world.  It all comes down to the one phrase in his song that's touched millions of lives, "People Need The LORD." While it sounds simple, and it is, that phrase is condensed down to the core of our human condition ...and Steve shares how God responds to that core need.  You'll love this conversation. To learn more about Steve, visit www.stevegreenministries.org  ABOUT HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER Peter Rosenberger hosts HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  For more than 34 years, Peter's cared for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare of 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and severe chronic pain.  Hope for the Caregiver is an outreach of STANDING WITH HOPE.  Click here for more. 

Ask any caregiver if she or he feels noticed by others ...or even by God. The answers will most likely break your heart. For more than 20 years, my friend, Pastor Jim Bachmann (pastor of Stephens Valley Church in Nashville) has helped me understand God's provision, activities, justice, and grace in the midst of harsh challenges.  His recent sermon (5/31/2020) speaks with great clarity to this issue.  I included this in my bonus materials for our podcast because it strengthened my heart ...and I feel it will do the same for yours.     Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated radio program, Hope for the Caregiver. He’s cared for his wife, Gracie, for more than 34 years. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Do the principles that help caregivers navigate better as they care for a chronically ill loved one ...translate to helping a nation in distress? We think they do.  Peter Rosenberger is host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/radio        

On the coast of Ghana (where we work with our prosthetic limb outreach), we visited a castle in Cape Coast. This castle served as the holding place for thousands of slaves. I've taken several teams there over the years, and touring the castle is incredibly somber event.  As our country convulses with rage, we caregivers understand the despair, fear, and anger that erupts when we feel powerless and treated poorly. Yet, it's in that very scenario that the church is called to leave the insulated chapel ...and enter the dungeons filled with suffering.   Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities.  For more information, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

We do a series called YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE  that airs on hundreds of stations across the country. Here's one of my favorites! Feel free to share...   

The time is NOW for caregivers to rethink how we give care. You've seen the headlines.  https://news.yahoo.com/man-20-charged-nursing-home-155015466.html https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/24/us/alejandro-ripley-killing/index.html These incidents are just from the last week.  I invited Mark Gray of Constant Companion to come on the show to discuss how their secure, affordable, reliable, and easy to use new product can provide family caregivers the connection, support, and assistance so desperately needed.  Imagine a parent at the end of her rope ...caring for a special needs child, getting a daily phone call from a caring person ...breaking through the isolation and checking in on that stressed mom.  What kind of difference do you think that would make? Imagine going to the grocery store in peace ...while knowing a sentry was on duty for your aging loved one?  Being able to look at them on your phone ...from anywhere?  Talking to them at any time ...from anywhere ...even if the power goes out? Imagine being able to safely monitor your loved one in an assisted facility ...even during the quarantine? Imagine a system that guaranteed your privacy so much, it provides a $1,000,000 guarantee? These and so much more services are just one click away for you as a caregiver.  I've tested this out in my home ...and the time is NOW for caregivers to rethink how we give care.  With 92 percent of people stating they want to age in their own home, caregivers face a daunting challenge. As the COVID-19 has made us reevaluate placing loved ones in assisted living, we need to "Care give ...smarter."  Listen to my conversation with Mark, and check out the website:  https://www.companion247.com/ Use the PROMO CODE:  Caregiver for a special discount.    Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. (80+ surgeries, multiple amputations) For more information, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

Many years ago our family met President George W. Bush when Gracie performed at an event with him.  Several weeks later, I had an opportunity to return to the same venue. Walking past the empty ballroom where the entire weight of the US Presidency stood briefly, the contrast struck me.  Unlike the President's office, Christ dwells within us and the full weight of HIS office never leaves, is never dismantled, and is not bound to geographical locations.  Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him." - John 14:23 FROM:  Hope for the Caregiver Broadcast May 23 2020   Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ...the nationally syndicated radio program.  See latest from Peter Rosenberger in the news:  From the CHRISTIAN POST:  May 24 2020 As a parade of commercials open with, “During these uncertain times …” eyebrows across the country must raise in a level of incredulity as millions silently whisper, “Welcome to my world!” When times were “certain:” Huge swaths of the country hemorrhaged financially long before COVID-19 became a household word. Guilt lurked as a constant companion for parents of special needs children. Marriages crumbled under the strain of disability. Family members of alcoholics and addicts bore the heartbreak of a loved one’s volatile and unstable behavior. Millions struggled to care for disabled loved ones and/or aging parents. 22 Veterans committed suicide each day. Fellow citizens felt the sting of discrimination. Chronic pain persisted for so many plagued by disease or injury. Death remained inevitable. No politician, health official, or vaccine can provide us with certainty. We shore up the best we can while learning to make peace with ambiguity. We shake hands with uncertainty.  READ MORE ...   https://www.christianpost.com/voices/in-these-uncertain-times-is-theme-of-entire-human-history.html?fbclid=IwAR2Z6EFcnOR_Oe73j76jfYJJV48nMNmJxPKOrGF4xkoWDJVmOvscdcnHY9s    

For bonus material for the podcast, i like to include a series from my dear friend and former pastor in Nashville, TN. Rev. Jim Bachmann's had a huge impact on me as a believer ...and as a caregiver. Many of the precepts I've learned have been through his sermons and our many conversations. Although Gracie and I moved to Southwest Montana, Jim and I talk regularly each week and he continues to provide tremendous counsel to me. Jim is the pastor of Stephens Valley Church and you can enjoy their services online. https://stephensvalleychurch.com/   This message is about fear ...and trusting God when things simply don't make sense to us. Does that sound familiar to us as caregivers?  FEAR is one of the 7 Caregiver Landmines that plague all of us as family caregivers. I believe this message will strengthen your heart as much as it did mine.   

The Opposite of Certainty is the story of Janine’s reluctant journey beyond easy answers and platitudes. She searches for a source of strength bigger than her circumstances, only to have her circumstances become even thornier with her own crisis. Drawn deeply and against her will into herself, and into the eternal questions we all ask, she discovers hidden reserves of strength, humor, and a no-matter-what faith that looks nothing like she thought it would.  Beautifully written and deeply hopeful, Janine shows us how can we come through impossible times, transformed and yet more ourselves than we’d ever allowed ourselves to be. https://www.janineurbaniakreid.com/ Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope

Stephen Ministries founder, Dr. Kenneth Haugk called the show to discuss the work of this extraordinary organization. Dr. Haugk, along with program director, Joel Bretscher, share the scope and vision of Stephen Ministries, as well as the way they are adapting to the social distancing challenges currently facing the world.  If you want to know more about Stephen Ministries, please call:  314 428 2600 or visit:  https://www.stephenministries.org   Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400+ episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope

Do you feel you've lost yourself in someone else's story?  As a caregiver, it's easy to do. Hooking up a keyboard for the show, I demonstrate how losing the melody  served as a teachable moment for me.  From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, the nationally syndicated radio program through American Family Radio. 5/16/2020  

Years ago, I listen to a preacher tell the congregation, "Don't you want to go to Heaven?"Well ...who doesn't?  But is that the reason I trust Christ?  If the whole point of this is "fire-insurance" then why are we left on this earth? With that in mind, I wrote down, "Heaven's Not the Reason." At the piano, I developed a melody ...and then asked my long-time friend, Hank Martin, to help me finish this song.  When Gracie started her project,RESILIENT, we dusted this song off ...and she and our friend, Scat Springs sang it together.  If you want a copy of the CD, RESILIENT, click this link:  www.standingwithhope.com/resilient  Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400 + episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. For more than 34 years, he's cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities. (80+ surgeries, multiple amputations) For more information, visit www.hopeforthecaregiver.com     

On this podcast, I like to include special features ...and one of those is a sermon a week from my pastor back in Nashville, Jim Bachmann. Although Gracie and I left Tennessee to move to Southwest Montana, Jim and I talk several times a week. Jim's been a HUGE part of my journey as a caregiver and as a Christian, and I felt my subscribers would also find his messages meaningful.  This is part of a series about Jesus' Parables that Jim is currently teaching.  For more information, visit www.stephensvalleychurch.com    Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains more than 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Have you ever helped someone else walk?  Click below to learn more www.standingwithhope.com

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 5/9/2020 A reporter once asked me, What's the toughest issue for you as a caregiver? "Hands down," I replied. "Knowing What is Mine and Not Mine." All too many times, because I felt out of control, I tried to insert myself into things that were not mine to control (or attempt to control). Is that a common feeling for you as a caregiver?  We discussed this on the show ...plus we took calls.  Some of these calls are hard to hear, but that's the purpose of this show ...to provide a safe place for people to share these burdens.  Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Have you ever helped someone else walk?  Click below to learn more www.standingwithhope.com    

For a special Mothers' Day episode, I invited my mother, Mary, to join me on the show. Along with Gracie and producer, John Butler, this is an episode that will touch your heart, inspire you, and demonstrate the importance of praying mothers.    Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains nearly 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Have you ever helped someone else walk?  Click below to learn more www.standingwithhope.com

On this podcast, I like to include special features ...and one of those is a sermon a week from my pastor back in Nashville, Jim Bachmann. Although Gracie and I left Tennessee to move to Southwest Montana, Jim and I talk several times a week. Jim's been a HUGE part of my journey as a caregiver and as a Christian, and I felt my subscribers would also find his messages meaningful.  This message is from May 3, 2020 and is titled: THE AMAZING KINGDOM OF GOD For more information, visit www.stephensvalleychurch.com 

There's a reason Gracie's new CD is titled RESILIENT.  80+ operations, both legs amputated, multiple MRSA infections, pulmonary emboli, and then she gets the Corona virus. (not to mention being married to me for 34 years!) But she's lived to tell about it ...and sing about it.  Gracie joined me on the show, and we also performed a few songs LIVE.  Take a listen, share it with friends who need a bit of encouragement today!  Find out more about Gracie's CD visit www.standingwithhope.com/resilient   

We love our callers, and Bill in VA offered some great insights from his journey caring for his father with dementia. In addition, Kerry from OH shared how much the show means to her and wanted to find the archives. Hope for the Caregiver's podcast contains nearly 400 episodes in our library. We want to make it free to any who needs to connect...so, please consider being a patron today. For as little as $1 per month, you can help us continue to reach family caregivers!  Click here for more! Have you ever helped someone else walk?  Click below to learn more www.standingwithhope.com

As the country begins the reopening process, many remain concerned about hospital visits and postponing surgery. As the Chief of Staff at a major urban hospital, Dr. Jones brings a strong understanding of the challenges facing medical staff, patients, and caregivers. In our discussion, he describes the measures he and his colleagues continue to take to keep patients, families, and staff safe in this "new normal' facing our country. Dr. Christopher Jones specializes in Cardiac Electrophysiology at Centennial Heart in Nashville, TN. For more information, please visit www.centennialheart.com.     What is elective surgery?  Is it optional?   Will my loved be safe at the hospital? Can I visit? What is "Caregiver authority? How do we deal with the fear? About Peter Rosenberger and HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER? “How can you laugh given what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.  Sponsored by: Standing With Hope

When Chuck and Sharon Betters learned of the son's tragic death twenty-five years ago, they had no idea how God will minister to them in such a brutal heartache  ...and then lead them into ministering to countless others.  They've assembled resources for hurting individuals, families, churches, and communities.  Just a few of the topics they address include: Post Abortion Guilt Infidelity Death Incest Abuse Now, they've created an video-counseling service.  Safe, secure, and affordable, this Biblically-based counseling service can help those struggling with heartbreaking challenges who don't have access to counselors in their area ...or have lost their independence due to caregiving responsibilities.  For more information visit:  www.Markinc.org or https://biblicalcounseling.online/

It's hard to look at the things we face as caregivers ...and now, as a nation. What sustains you when you look at painful circumstances?  What sustains when you daily struggle with harsh and brutal challenges. I find it helpful to ask those who live with a lot of scars and painful things ...and yet live to laugh, sing, and LIVE despite those things. My go to person ...is my wife, Gracie.  A friend heard this segment at the end of a recent show, and asked me to send it out as a stand alone podcast. Please share it with others.  See more at our blog: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/blog  Sponsored by:

The Foxworthys are two of my favorite people in the world. For twenty years, I've had the privilege of calling them friends ...and they have both been great mentors to me as I've built the show and our message to family caregivers.  Is it OK to laugh ...even when dealing with harsh realities? Yes! Keeping a sense of humor is imperative. Every caregiver will admit the tears are never in short supply. But the inventory of laughter remains scarcer than a roll of Charmin at Walmart. Humor can not only help the healing process with the patient but also for the caregiver — as well as the country. Jeff and Gregg married nearly 35 years ago, and their amazing partnership as helped lighten the hearts of countless lives. YOU WILL LOVE this conversation with these two wonderful people.  About Peter Rosenberger “How can you laugh given what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges.  Sponsored by: Standing With Hope

Fear is one of the 7 Caregiver Landmines, and it can lead us down dark paths as individuals ...and as a nation.  While Americans put collective shoulders to the wheel to protect fellow citizens, an age-old problem now emerges—one I recall my father cautioning against more than forty years ago. “Beware of small people with authority.” A sad consequence of America’s drastic efforts in dealing with the COVID-19 virus is the elevation of Frank Burns” types (from the TV show, M*A*S*H*). These “small-minded” individuals seem to draw excitement from pursuing their gratification while others struggle.  “Funny thing, war - Never have so many suffered so much, so, so few could be so happy!!"– Major Frank Burns Surrendering freedom to fear will always be met with the intense rush of those willing to consume that freedom for their own power. Like guardrails on a curving highway, the rules exist for all—but there will always be those who desire rules for others but not for themselves. Only the bravery of those who love freedom can curtail those who wish to use calamity to satisfy their lusts for control. See more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

Children often ask the best questions. When only 9-years-old, our oldest son asked me, "How can I trust God to care about my hurts when I see what He allows Mom to go through?" For a lifetime, Paul Young wrestled with that kind of question and more. That journey led him to write the hugely popular book, "THE SHACK." The question "is God Good?" serves as the centerpiece for nearly everything he does in his writing and speaking.  That's why I invited him to call the show and talk about this ...as the world tries to wrap it's collective mind around the concept of a good and loving God in the midst of the COVID-19 virus.  At the end of the interview, Paul quoted this poem and we felt the whole poem should be included in this podcast.   Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers, and part of being healthy is trusting the goodness of God...even when faced with heartbreaking loss and challenges.   'Kind of Way' April 2019 www.davidtensen.com   I know that you know. So I should probably confess it. Not because it's a bad thing. But because it's normal and necessary to admit you've disappointed me and continue to. Although I don't mind as much now.   Still, there were many times I prayed. Followed the rules. Gave my two mites. Did all the things I was told would work and others certified with charismatic conviction to do more give more faith more sacrifice more lots more.   But still, nothing. No breakthrough like I believed like I prayed for.   I underestimated you. I wanted to believe you were containable constrainable and reliable in the 'my way' kind of way. The magician hitman slot machine deal maker earth shaker genie-in-a-bottle kind of way.   Then I recalled that on a dark but necessary day you took yourself and my kind of way and the cosmos to a cross.   Then you went missing for three days. And my world fell apart.   All my hope exhaled a forsaken surrender, and my heart broke and my dreams broke. My kind of way kind of died again.   And there you were alive and the same but not really. A resurrected form of you that even took familiar friends by surprise.   And that's what you keep doing. To this day you keep failing and disappointing me in the best kind of ways.   Every time I think I've got you where I think I need you you disappoint and disappear and turn up incognito on a familiar path at a regular meal in an average garden with a spark in your eye that demands my attention. You invite me again to put my hand in your side embrace you and kiss you and get to know you again in a new kind of way.    

"They [caregivers] don't practice self CARE, because they're so self-LESS. We see it in Arthritis...but other people see it in other areas, as well."  - Dr. Jeffrey Hodrick Dr. Jeffrey Hodrick (Southern Joint Replacement Institute) called the show to discuss the economy opening up and "elective" surgery for those struggling with hips, knees, and shoulder issues.  OK ...so are you safe from COVID-19 if you have a surgery like this?  Surgery Center or Hospital? These and more topics are covered in this interview.  Dr. Jeffrey Hodrick Bio Dr. Hodrick received his M.D. from Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine and completed his residency at Duke University Medical Center where he received the Duke University Health System Strength Hope and Caring award in 2006. Additionally, Dr. Hodrick completed a Fellowship in Adult Reconstruction at the University of Utah Medical Center in Salt Lake City.  He is not only a highly sought after surgeon for joint replacement, but is in high demand as a surgical instructor and speaker for his work in the area of robotic-arm assisted surgery.   SEE MORE:  About Peter Rosenberger Author and Speaker Peter Rosenberger is the host of a weekly national radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  For more than 34 years, he’s cared for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities (and currently the COVID-19 Virus). www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

Melissa Strickland (Sr. Director of Communications for Samaritan's Purse) called the show to share the work of Samaritan's Purse in NYC (and other places). Melissa's also a caregiver herself for a husband with high-risk issues ...so going to NY was not easy task. Listen to: Why she did it, and what she discovered there about: the people they treat the reception from New Yorkers the push back from a small but VERY vocal minority but most of all...what's she learned about faith in Christ.  After listening to this podcast ...PLEASE share it with everyone in your social media world, and commit to praying for Melissa and all the folks at Samaritan's  Purse ...and then consider supporting them financially at www.samaritanspurse.org    ABOUT PETER ROSENBERGER "How can you laugh ...given what you both live through?!" Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges. Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses life’s caregiving challenges with candor, compassion, and even comedy. Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter assuringly points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.

Watching the decline of a figure who looms large in your life brings a pain, melancholy, and sorrow.  Gary Chapman understands those in deeply personal ways. Yet, he also understands faith, hope, and God's faithfulness.  As journeyed with his father all the way to the end of life on this earth, Gary relates a powerful message of that experience ...and the profound transformation that occurred in his own life.  During that time, the great hymns of our faith grew in increasing importance to Gary.  Playing them at his father's bedside, Gary saw the emotional, spiritual, and physical comfort they brought to his father's pain.  He has committed to introducing ...and reintroducing these hymns to vast numbers.  The hymns, Gary shared, were "...written out of great pain or great joy ...or a combination of both." Follow along with Gary's hymn a week:   https://www.facebook.com/ahymnaweek   ABOUT HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER “How can you laugh through what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges. Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses life’s caregiving challenges with candor, compassion, and even comedy. Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers  poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter assuringly points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers. Sponsored by: 

Part of my ongoing series to invite special guests to the show to share encouraging thoughts about faith, life, the COVID-19 virus, and even a chuckle or two.  Joni and Ken Tada are two of my favorite people in the whole world, and Gracie and I are grateful to call them friends. Joni and Gracie have recorded several duets, and Ken wrote the forward to my book, Hope for the Caregiver.  This remarkable couple brings a perspective and wisdom gleaned from a lifetime of trusting God through painful challenges.  From www.joniandfriends.com Joni is one of the world’s leading international advocates for people affected by disability. A diving accident in 1967 left her, then 17, a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. After two years of rehabilitation, she emerged with new skills and a fresh determination to help others in similar situations. She founded Joni and Friends in 1979, which quickly grew to provide Christ-centered programs to special needs families, churches, and communities. Joni survived stage III breast cancer in 2010, and still keeps a very active ministry schedule. Joni has written over 50 books, including her best-selling autobiography, Joni, which was made into a feature film. Her new award-winning daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also served as General Editor of the Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for people who suffer chronic conditions and their caregivers. She and her husband Ken were married in 1982 and reside in California. 

"I wish had a different testimony, but sadly I do not!"   One of the reasons I wanted Chonda to call the show, is because she brings such candor and authenticity to her humor ...to the delight of hundreds of thousands.  While no stranger to heartache and grief, Chondra continues to open her life and see it with tear-filled eyes and a whole lot of laughter. In this frank and funny interview, Chondra demonstrates why she is one of the most successful comedians ...EVER!  For more information, visit Chondra.org About Peter Rosenberger “How can you laugh through what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges. Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses the challenges of life candor, compassion, and even comedy. Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter assuringly points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.  

With vast numbers either working from home or losing their job, many are asking the question, "Should I Change The Way I Work?" Caregivers have struggled with this issue for years as we've tried to juggle a job while caregiving. For nearly ten years, David Asarnow and Bob Sears have helped mentor me as I built a national broadcasting platform and message to my fellow caregivers ...all while I still serve as a caregiver. They helped me understand that I needed to change the WAY I worked. We caregivers work hard ...but are we utilizing all of our skills?  Do we even know what they are? Are we treading water ...or gaining ground? Can we negotiate a better arrangement with our employers so that we can work from home while managing our caregiving responsibilities?  Do we know who to turn our experience as caregivers into career success? Is this turbulent time in our country the right time for us to launch a side business that can provide additional revenue and possibly a path to our controlling our employment destiny? These and more questions will be addressed in the new FREE webinar that David and Bob will host. Take advantage of this TODAY by signing up at www.changethewayIwork.com  You might be astonished at what YOU have to offer. It's a free webinar that connects you with two incredibly strategic people who bring insights and ideas to the employment pinch you feel.  Part of our growth as caregivers is to be good stewards. That includes being good stewards of our employment and work strategies.  The new FREE webinar from David and Bob is a great step to practice that stewardship. They truly get the challenges facing caregivers, and like they have for me for nearly a decade, they stand ready to offer their best ...to help you achieve your best.    About Peter Rosenberger “How can you laugh through what you all live through!?” Peter Rosenberger often hears that question when people learn of his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities(80 operations & the amputation of both legs).Yet, Peter and Gracie draw hope from their deep faith which strengthens their hearts—and the couple brings a contagious inspiration that lightens weary hearts struggling with challenges. Peter’s weekly radio show, Hope for the Caregiver, is heard on more than 180 stations, and on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).Through his show, books, commentaries, and speaking events, Peter addresses the challenges of life candor, compassion, and even comedy. Educating, entertaining, and empowering audiences across the country, Peter Rosenberger offers poignant insights into the life of a caregiver. Weaving his deep compassion for fellow caregivers with his outrageous humor, Peter points others to safety and helps them develop plans to live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life as caregivers.  

"Our Country Is Resilient and Resourceful."   With his customary calmness and reassuring manner, Gov. Mike Huckabee shared his thoughts on the challenges facing families ...and our nation during these difficult times.  Drawing on his vast experience from behind pulpits and podiums, Gov. Huckabee offers leadership and perspective in ways few can. https://www.mikehuckabee.com/ Click to listen to previous download https://hopeforthecaregiver.podbean.com/e/larry-the-cable-guy-calls-to-help-lighten-our-hearts/    Brought to you by: Standing With Hope  

Comedy Superstar Larry The Cable Guy calls to share his humor, heart, and his thoughts on a whole bunch of things!  Gracie and I first met Larry nearly 20 years ago ...and wait until you hear that story!   If "Laughter Is The Best Medicine", then Larry The Cable Guy is one of the best healthcare providers in the world!  For more information on Larry The Cable, including his wonderful foundation, "Git-R-Done" Foundation, visit www.larrythecableguy.com  His new comedy special, REMAIN SEATED, released through Comedy Dynamics on April 7.   Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger airs LIVE on Sundays at 6 PM Eastern on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel 131 and Saturdays at 8 AM on American Family Radio.  Sponsored by: Standing With Hope

Although we knew she was a high-risk individual (She's had 80 surgeries and both legs amputated), we felt we lived in a location remote enough for her safety. A trip to a medical provider in a larger city, however, seemed to have exposed her, and she tested positive for the virus.  As her caregiver for 34 years, we've faced a lot of challenges. This is just another one. They tested me ...and it came back negative (which has caused a bit of bewilderment to health officials).  In today's show ...we discussed this and more, and how Gracie and I responding to this.  Sponsored by: Standing With Hope

The loss of her father, caring for her mother, cancer ...Sheri Easter has walked challenging roads. But she keeps singing. Sheri called the show to share thoughts about her journey, her faith, and her contagious love of life! “When we perform, we want people to leave a little different than when they came in,” Sheri explains. “We want them to have a great time smiling, laughing, crying and healing. We want them to know God loves them and that He is in control.” @JeffandSheriEaster Jeff & Sheri Easter (www.jeffandsherieaster.com) have been nominated for numerous Dove Awards and won 7. They’ve also received two career Grammy nominations, and Sheri has been named the Singing News Favorite Alto eleven times and the Singing News Female Vocalist four times. In 2012 Sheri received Alto of the Year by the National Quartet Convention's first annual awards.  Jeff & Sheri’s wall of awards also include three Society for the Preservation of Bluegrass Music Association Awards, two International Country Gospel Music Association, nine Voice Awards for Female Artist, five Voice Awards for Song/Single of the Year, two Voice Awards for Christian Country Group, four SGM Fan Fair/USGN awards, seven SGN Scoops Diamond Awards, four Hearts Aflame Awards, and three Cash Box awards. They have also participated in the Gaither Homecoming Video Series since 1993, which has sold over 15 million units. HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is the family caregiver outreach of:         

After reading Joan Borton's hilarious post, I had to call her and invite her to call the show and share her story, wisdom, faith, and great sense of humor.  "How to know it’s time to re-examine the schedule: when you look forward to going to the dentist for crown preparation because it’s an hour plus in one place with no demands other than “open, close, or bite and tap.” Sounds almost relaxing!" Learn more about Joan at: www.joanborton.com Sponsored by:      

A trip to the podiatrist turned into a teachable moment for me regarding stress as a caregiver. He said something so simple and obvious, but as a friend of mine once stated, "...the obvious becomes obvious--right before it becomes obvious." Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger is the family caregiver outreach of STANDING WITH HOPE.  Feel free to share this free podcast ...and help support it through a tax deductible gift to Standing With Hope. 

Award winning author, Mary Elizabeth Jackson, called the show to share her personal journey, things she's learned, and the latest in her "Poohlicious" books.  During the conversation, we --along with my sidekick, John Butler (AKA the Count of Mighty Disco) --also took some calls together.  visit:  www.maryejackson.com About Peter and HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER  A 30+ year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger brings a profound understanding of the caregiver’s journey.  His show, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER airs on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) and an additional 180 stations on American Family Radio...as well as this podcast. Through his books, music, radio show and podcast, Peter demonstrates an unswerving commitment to strengthen fellow caregivers.  Sponsored by: STANDING WITH HOPE

"It's always about the money ..."  is a statement caregivers are well served to remember— particularly when caring for someone else's family member. This caller discovered that she has more than one problem following a stint of taking care of a man she considered a "grandfather" - but wasn't.  Brought to you by:  Standing With Hope  

If it's not the Coronavirus, some other flu issue lurks around the corner.  Guess who's the most vulnerable? Chances are it's your loved one ...and YOU! In addition to the common sense recommendation of the CDC (washing hands, covering mouth, etc.), here are some tips to protect your loved one and yourself while caregiving:  Coronavirus targets elderly, overweight, diabetic, and other otherwise at-risk individuals. Yet many of the caregivers of those individual also struggle with those same issues. Excessive Weight Gain is significant issue for many caregivers Caregivers often fail to see to their medical needs …while struggling to care for another Caregivers consistently deal with high stress circumstances which comprise our abilities to stay healthy. Staying out of the hospital is imperative …they can be a brick and mortar petri dish. More than 9 Million ER Visits each year due to falls https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20180306005064/en/Fall-Injuries-Record-Number-Emergency-Room-Visits Over 65 group represent 69% of hospitalization caused by falls Caregivers can reduce fall risks for themselves and their loved ones by: Well-lit rooms Remove fall hazards such as throw rugs Install grab bars in bathrooms If you have a pedestal sink in bathroom, replace with a cabinet or ensure it’s secured properly (People use it to lean on) Wear comfortable shoes and avoid heels. Make multiple trips to the car …instead of trying to carry too much into the house. Caregivers are often in a hurry …and that’s when accidents happen Health Tips Keep bathrooms and kitchen areas clean Watch for mold/mildew buildup Hydrate Make sure to thoroughly clean CPAP and other breathing assisted devices (for both caregivers and patients) More healthcare treatment goes on in the home with caregivers than in the doctor’s office.  Rest UP! Consider an app/telemedicine service to avoid getting loved ones out for routine physician visits …particularly on damp days.    

From our radio show for family caregivers, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 02/29/2020.  Discussing Repentance and the Family Caregiver, this show delves into teachable moments in our journey through caregiving.  Brought to you by Standing With Hope "For the wounded ...and those who care for them."

Rev. Brian Darnell, Director of Chaplaincy and Volunteer Services at Core Civic, called the show to share his passion for faith based programs for inmates. Our radio program is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope ...a ministry Gracie envisioned following the amputation of her legs. One of Core Civic's programs is our prosthetic limb outreach. Inmates in TN prison run by Core Civic volunteer to help us recycle parts from donated used prosthetic limbs.  Gracie's desire was to provide quality prosthetic limbs her fellow amputees as a means of sharing the Gospel. We've been doing just that since 2005 in the West African country of Ghana. www.standingwithhope.com/recycle If you desire to participate as a volunteer mentor in any of Core Civic's faith programs ...or wish to participate as an employer and hire inmates at your business  .. please contact us at https://standingwithhope.com/about/contact/ Standing With Hope:  For the Wounded and Those Who Care For Them #caregiving #caregivers #prosthetics #amputees

At a local bookstore a while back, Gracie and I, along with our friend Hank, performed Christmas Carols for friends. John and Sally Mae dropped in, and I turned the keyboard over to him. Gracie sat on a stool, and she and Hank had such a great time singing to John's extraordinary playing. You're getting this bonus material as a follower of our podcast! Later that evening, we all decided that Gracie and John should record a song together. The first time John accompanied Gracie was when she auditioned at Belmont (in Nashville) in the Spring of 1983. She arrived at the college without anyone to accompany her, but John (a professor there) agreed to play for her.  She earned a music scholarship ...and started as a freshman in the fall.  Six months later, Gracie slammed into a concrete abutment that accident led to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated.  John and Sally Mae used to visit Gracie regularly ...and formed a lasting friendship.  I transferred to Belmont as Gracie recovered. My piano professor was John Arnn. Meeting Gracie a year later, we started dating and then married in Summer of 1986  John Played at our wedding.  John also played at our son's wedding (but opted out from playing at our grandchildren's wedding - saying he'd been nearly 100 by then ...and it may be too much!) In March of 2018, thirty-five years to the month they met, John came to our home and rehearsed YOU MUST BELIEVE IN SPRING with Gracie. When lonely feelings chill the meadows of your mind Just think if winter comes, can spring be far behind? Beneath the deepest snows,the secret of a rose Is merely that it knows You must believe in spring   Just as a tree is sure its leaves will reappear It knows its emptiness is just a time of year T he frozen mountains dreams of April's melting streams How crystal clear it seems you must believe in spring Alan & Marilyn Bergman/Michel Legrand Following her performance in the studio, Gracie looked at John with tears in both their eyes, and stated simply, “I sang this to my 17-year-old self.”   Download this song today from Amazon or I Tunes.  Or get the entire CD with a donation to Standing With Hope. (Click for More) (Promo code:  MUSIC)  

One of my favorite and most inspiring friends is Pastor Robert Morgan. A caregiver for three decades for his wife, Katrina, through her journey of MS, Robert brings vast experience and depth to his books and ministry.  Throughout his journey as a caregiver, Robert never stopped writing or functioning in the call of ministry on his life. A prolific author, Robert’s new book: 100 Bible Verses That Made America is available wherever books are sold.  Katrina helped edit Robert's books, and this was their last project together.  When discussing the movement to secularize our country and remove the Bible from our schools and public square, Robert shares "...There's not an eraser big enough to erase the Bible from American History." You will be touched by this inspiring interview ...and please share it with a friend. https://www.amazon.com/Bible-Verses-That-Made-America/dp/0718079620 Sponsored by: 

While "The Only Thing We Have To Fear is Fear Itself" inspired a nation facing war, the battle between caregivers and fearful issues remains constant and different. REAL and frightening things face us.  How do we deal with them? What's the path to safety?  What does Scripture say about fear?  Fear is one the 7 Caregiver Landmines I discuss in my book. We caregivers tend to "live in the wreckage of our future" as we dread things that haven't even happened yet. Is there a way for us to push back against Fear?  Absolutely ...and we discuss it in this clip from 2/15/2020 's show.    Sponsored by: 

With all due respect to Commodore Perry ...I paraphrased, changed, and re-appropriated his famous quote.  As caregivers, our enemy is not our loved one ...or their condition. Rather, it is ourselves. Particularly the pesky, yet delicious sin that we savor: Resentment.  Sponsored by: 

Playing bass, guitar, and singing took him into the world of caregivers.  Now, Anthony Cirillo has a cause and a huge impact on the healthcare systems in our country.    Anthony Cirillo is Global Practice Partner of GIS Healthcare, a provider of caregiver and related solutions to corporations and health providers. He is also the creator of the Caregiver Smile Summit. A health and aging expert, professional speaker and media influencer, Cirillo is a Fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives with a Masters from the University of Pennsylvania. His consulting and speaking expertise serves a worldwide clientele including Cleveland Clinic, King Faisal Hospital, Atrium Health and Wall Street startups. He is a member of the Nationwide Financial/NCOA Health and Wellness Roundtable and a member of the Bank of America Elder Care Policy Roundtable. Contact him at anthonycirillojr@gmail.com. Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger is the family caregiver outreach of:     

Sitting at the piano, I played a simple seven note melody. Stewing around with it for a while, I knew I wanted to write a song to describe the heart of a caregiver.  Playing with it bit more, I kept coming back to that simple melody.  After a while, I reached out to a friend and veteran songwriter, Buddy Mondlock, and we wrote this song together.  There's a lyric in this that sums it for so many of us caregivers: "I know there will be sorrow. We'll face that somehow.  But my hands can't hold tomorrow ...I can only hold you now."  Gracie asked to sing it, but she also expressed a great deal of nervousness about performing it in the studio. Asking her why, she replied with tears in her eyes, "This is an important song to you, and I wanted to get it right."  She did.   We hope you enjoy this bonus content from our podcast.  You can listen to this song on all streaming platforms or get it on Amazon or Itunes.  If you like this podcast ...consider becoming a patron.  For as little as $1 per month, you can help us strengthen family caregivers. If you want to give more, there are all sorts of special perks for doing so.  Click here for more! 

One of the 7 Caregiver Landmines is Ignoring Personal Health Needs, and more than 70% of caregivers fail to see their own physicians.  While most caregivers offer excuses such as money or time, this caller stated she didn't need to because, "God is her doctor." Take a listen to how the conversation went ...and how the caller swerved into yet another landmine. Here are the 7 Landmines ...guess which ones she admittedly hit in this short call. Ignoring Personal Health Needs Isolation Excessive Weight Gain Loss of Identity Guilt Fear It's All Up To Me

Living Wills, Power of Attorney, Wills, Traffic Tickets, Business Disputes, Filing for Disability ...the list is endless for things that require the skills of an attorney.  As a caregiver, can you afford to pay for those services?  Can you afford to deal with them alone? On this clip from the show, I discuss an affordable solution that I've been using for nearly eight years. Just recently, this solution REALLY came to my rescue.  For less than the price of a combo meal each week ...you, as a caregiver, can have access to a full legal team to help handle the crazy and overwhelming things slamming into you on a regular basis.  I tested it on myself first ...and guess what?  It's one of the best decisions I've ever made.  Go to CaregiverLegal.com for more!  Isn't it about time someone was advocating for YOU?   Click on the link ...and sign up today!

One of my all time favorite songwriters is Gary Chapman.  Whenever I hear his songs, I have to stop and listen ...and they continue to stir my heart.  Especially TREASURE.  Gary is also a caregiver...on several levels.  As Gary reflects in this interview, the journey he had with his father through Parkinson's and other issues helped prepare him for his little girl's recent brain surgery to remove a tumor. Gary writes the way he does ...because he's willing to be vulnerable about his fears, failures, and faith. It's always a privilege when he calls the show, and he leaves me better than he found me. I made him promise to call again in the Spring for a longer conversation! https://www.facebook.com/ahymnaweek/ https://www.facebook.com/garychapmanmusic/   Sponsored by:    

Back in the 1970's, a friend of mine in the music business worked with legendary artist, James Brown. Years later, my friend encountered the soul singer again and remarked, "You haven't changed in 25 years! With a huge smile, James Brown responded, "If You've Got Your Hair and Your Teeth ...You're Alright!" While our hair supply (or lack thereof) may be genetic, we can, however, address the needs of our teeth.  Recently visiting my dentist, I had an interesting conversation with the hygienist.  Well, actually she talked ...I sounded a lot like, "Mmmdfh, Dpohhs, OPPPD!"  As caregivers, we should never underestimate the importance of visiting the dentist for regular cleaning. That one act can help us in a myriad of ways, and as caregivers ...I think it's safe to say that we need all the help we can get!  Enjoy John (the count of Mighty Disco) and me discussing this often overlook but critically important issue for family caregivers.    Sponsored by:   

So many times, we caregivers cry out to God for us to be "delivered FROM" these challenges.  Doing this for 34 years, however, I'm learning that God meets us in it ...and delivers us THROUGH It.  In the process, we discover our battle is not with our loved one's affliction, but instead ...the battle is with ourselves.  From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on American Family Radio JAN 18 2020  (See the full transcript of the show below.) Brought to you by: HFTC January 18 2020   [00:15] Live on American family radio, this is Hope For The Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger This is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver, for those of you who are knowingly willingly and voluntarily putting yourselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. You get up every day and you do this, and maybe you do it from a couple hundred miles away and you're ensuring that finances are being met or that staff show up to do things or whatever. There's all kinds of different ways to be a caregiver. But the challenges on the heart level are still the same. And some of us are up close and personal doing it every day all day long. Some of us are checking in once a day. Some of us are supporting financially those who are. There's just a lot of different scenarios of this and some of us have had to take a step back. You may have a loved one whose alcoholism or addiction has created such a destructive swath that you can't participate up close and personal. But they have a chronic impairment and where there's a chronic impairment, there's a caregiver. And that would be you. You got a special needs child or you got an aging parent. You got somebody with a traumatic brain injury whose personality has changed dramatically. And they don't think or respond in the normal way adults would, and you're engaged with this individual every day. You got somebody who gets violent or mood swings, somebody who has mental illness.   There's so many different scenarios but there's always a caregiver for every kind of affliction. And that's why we do this show. How are you feeling? How are you doing? What's going on with you? We speak fluid caregiver here and we're very grateful American Family Radio, they see the value of this, they see the need. And family is the middle name of American Family Radio, and this show is all about the family caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. If you want to be a part of the show, and you don't really have to have any kind of important question, or some earth-shattering thing. Sometimes you just want to just talk to somebody and that's one of the things we encourage you to do on this show, is to reach out to somebody and have a conversation. Don't sit in isolation. You're why we do the show. We're taking community to the caregiver because it's hard to get out. It's hard to connect with other people. It's hard to know what to say. It's hard to know how to respond and it's frustrating. And you if you want to have a friendship or meaningful friendships in this thing, you got to have people that are willing to embrace the pain that you carry. And that's not an easy thing. And you feel kind of weird about sharing some of those things with people. I get that. Okay? You don't want to expose your loved one and you don't feel like having a drag everything all out on the table. I get that. And that's why we do this show. Because here, you don't have to bring me up to speed. On this show, we speak fluid caregiver. Okay?   So, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. I want to start off with a Scripture. I thought this may be appropriate. Well, Scripture is always appropriate but I like to be laser beam focused when it comes to the heart needs of a family caregiver. And this is a Scripture that I saw and it was-- I struggle with this. Okay? I struggle with looking all around and getting distracted. I think sometimes we as caregivers, you know, shiny objects and we get our attention span gets pulled in so many different places. Proverbs 4:25 and I'm reading in the English Standard version, but I'm going to do it in another one, in a paraphrase. “Let your eyes look directly forward.” This is proverbs 4:25 to 27. “Let your eyes look directly forward and your gaze be straight before you ponder the path of your feet. Then all your ways will be sure do not swerve to the right or to the left. Turn your foot away from evil.” All right. And I'm gonna read that from The Message. Okay? “Keep vigilant over your heart, that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth. Avoid careless banter, white lies and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead. Ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step and the road will stretch out smooth. Before you look neither right nor left, leave evil in the dust.” What does that mean to us as caregivers? When you're taking care of someone, and you-- For those who are brand new to the caregiving journey, it may not mean as much to you right at this moment, but for those of you who have logged some real time in this, you're going to understand that we get pulled in all kinds of directions. It is so easy for us to be looking over to the right, looking over the left, looking backwards. We spend a lot of time looking backwards. But we spent a lot of time also fearing the future. And we're going to look straight in front of us and just deal with what's ahead of us right now. And that's how we do it.   Now, again, I would really encourage you to not ever think that I own all of this. But I'm reminding myself of these things. And I had a great visual just the other day. I'm in Southwest Montana and I went out on a snowmobile. I do that a lot, just to kind of clear the cobwebs of my head. And Montana is a big state and the mountains behind us are big mountains and I have a lot of cobwebs, so I need a big state with big mountains, I guess. So, I went out there with a friend of mine, neighbor down the road, and we went out riding, and I learned how to ride snowmobiles from his father. Now you think, “Well, how hard is it to ride snowmobiles?” Well where we go, there's no lifeguard on duty and we're not out there on nice groomed roads that are flat and smooth. We're doing some pretty intensive riding. And there's this one trail that I've been riding on for 20 years, and there's a lot of switchbacks on it and it's going up incredibly steep and the snow is very deep right now. We've had a lot of new snow and it's very deep and you really gotta be-- there's a lot of balance and there's kind of a trick to riding a snowmobile. You don't just sit on it and press the throttle. You really have to handle the machine in a certain way, particularly when you have deep powdery snow.   And this particular trail is basically the width of the snowmobile, it’s not much more than that. And on one side, there's a drop off of several hundred feet, and it's a fairly frightening trail. And every time I get up there, I kinda just clench up. I'm thinking, “Oh my man, why am I doing this again?” Well, I'll tell you why I'm doing again, because the view at the top of this trail is spectacular. But to get there, it's a little bit of a challenge. And when you come out of this one clearing and the drop off is so steep besides you, you're tempted to look at the view there. Because it's a great view that I've snuck a peek out of my peripheral vision and look to my right there to see this view on this trail, but then I quickly look back and didn't stare straight at the trail so I don't go off the cliff because that's what you call a bad thing when you go off the cliff. And I wait until I get up to a place of safety where I can look at the view from a place of safety. And I have to keep my eyes on the trail. I have to stay focused. I can't be distracted, I can't look around because there's real danger if I do.   And I think that's for us as caregivers, that's kind of where we are a lot of times. There's some places that we would love to be able to stop and view but it's not safe to do it. And we have to keep our eyes focused straight ahead and keep our head in the game. Not get distracted, not looking left or right, but just not even trying to sneak a view out of a peripheral, but to keep focused on the trail in front of us. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” We don't necessarily see 700 yards down the road. And on this particular trail I'm riding on, you're doing good to look 10 feet ahead before it switches back, but you keep straight in here. This is hope for the caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger 888-589-8840. We'll be right back.   [Music]   Welcome back to Hope For The Caregiver on American Family Radio. I'm Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for you, as a family caregiver, you’re why we do this show. And because He lives we can face tomorrow that we are not paralyzed by the circumstances that we're in. We're not overwhelmed by them. It's not gonna be easy. And I heard a great quote the other day that says “Anybody says life is easy as selling something.” It's not. It's going to be hard work. But doesn't mean it can't be done and doesn't mean that you're going to be doomed to seeing ugly things in life for the whole life. There's beauty and joy all around you even in the midst of very difficult challenges. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show, we're live. How are you feeling? How are you doing as a caregiver? How are you holding up?   I know that so many of you are looking at very grim things every day. And there are times when you just hang your head in weariness. I get it. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Still feel that way at times. I really do. And so, what do you do when you get that way? How do you strengthen yourself? How do you work through that? Who do you talk to? Are you hearing messages from your pastor that are strengthening you? Are you calling anyone? Is anyone calling you? You’re why we do the show because so many of you are not engaged in a good church situation. So many of you are just by yourself and the only lifeline you have is coming through the radio or through your app that you're listening to, or whatever device you're listening to this show on, and this may be the only place where you're hearing anything that speaking to you is in the voice of a caregiver, to your heart as a caregiver.   So, I want you to take advantage of this show, I want you to take advantage of this time and be a part of it. Share what's on your heart. And I'm going to try to plow as many things into your heart to strengthen you along the journey, just as people have done for me, and I'm also doing it for myself. That's how we do it as believers. It's not a one and done by the way, it's not something you just get. Okay, I got it. I'm gonna go move on with the rest of my life. No, no, no, this is the rest of our life. We will be needing to say these things every day to ourselves. And if anybody tells you different, they'll lie about other things too. Because this is how it's done. You go back and look through all of Scripture, it is a constant reaffirming of the Gospel. It is a constant reaffirming of the work of Christ. It is a constant reaffirming of the faithfulness of God. God knows that we're scared. He knows that we're weary. He knows that we're struggling. Look through all of Scripture. You'll never find one Scripture says, “Hey, I know y'all got that. I'll see you around a little later.” He says “I'm with you always. I know you're scared but don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.” Okay.   And I just can't stress enough to you these things on what it means to you as a family caregiver to be reaffirming these messages. I want to read another Scripture to you, Psalm 147:3. Psalms-- My mother tells me this a lot that Psalms is a great place to go when you don't really know what else to say or do. You can go into the Psalms and listen to others before you, particularly King David pour out his heart. But he wasn't the only one that was involved in the Psalms. There are others that wrote those Psalms and a lot of them are [??? 14:28], and they're struggling and you could see the shift in their faith, particularly in David Psalms when he starts off with you know, “I'm struggling, I long the Lord” or you know, all these things, and then he wrenches his will into the will of God and you can hear almost the wheels turning in his head as he is reaffirming his trust in God. Psalm 147:3. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Let me read it in The Message. “He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.” How many of you as caregivers have had to dress wounds? I mean, I've done that quite a bit. And my wife has a lot of wounds. She had a terrible accident back in 83. 80 surgeries later that we can count, 150 other smaller procedures. She's got one right now that we're having to watch very carefully.   How many of you all have bandaged wounds? You know what that's like. Do you understand that you have ones that require bandaging, too. Every time you've dressed a wound, and some of the ones that we have to dress as caregivers can be fairly complex wounds. I've had to do dressings where I've had to gown up, you know, in mask and gloves and the whole thing, and that's not easy. And as you think about that, as you've changed a wound, as you look at a wound, as you look at an angry wound, an angry wound is a wound that is inflamed and red and irritated. You have wounds like that as a caregiver. Do you know that? You have wounds like that. But you also have a savior who bandages those wounds, who is tending to those wounds. And they don't heal overnight. Sometimes it takes-- gosh, it seems like it just takes forever for them to heal. And some wounds don't heal this side of heaven completely.   Do you understand? Can you picture what it's like to have a Savior that's bandaging your wounds as a caregiver? Let me describe what some of those wounds are. Maybe they’re wounds of resentment. Maybe you have been pierced all the way to the core of who you are by the very person you're caring for. Maybe they have said and done things to you that just cut you so deep and yet, you got to keep on being a caregiver. Maybe you're changing someone's diapers, an aging parent or whatever, who's just cursing at you. Or maybe you got family members who are criticizing you and you are showing up every day doing what they're not doing, but they're criticizing you and giving you lots of pointers and suggestions on how to do it better. Those are wounds. Maybe you've had church folk, pastors who have chastise you for your lack of faith. Maybe some of your wounds are self-inflicted. You brought this child into the world with a disability and you blame yourself for it. Maybe you're just continuing to just create your own wounds, by just beating yourself. You have a Savior you that bandages up all of those wounds and more. Did you know that? Did you know that that's who your Savior is. He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.   Are you wounded today as you're listening to this show? Are those wounds front and center in your thoughts in mind. My dad, longtime minister, greatest influence in my life, and the song that defines his entire ministry is an old spiritual called Balm in Gilead. That's Balm, B-A-L-M, not B-O-M-B. Forgive my Southern accent. For those of you who speak Southern, that's not a problem, you understood what I was saying. But for those of you who don't, it's Balm, B-A-L-M, a soothing ointment. There's a Balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole. There is a Balm in Gilead to heal the sin soul. Gracie recorded this on her CD, you can get a copy of it, and I would highly recommend you doing so. You can go out to HopeForTheCaregiver.com and take a look at it. It's an extraordinary arrangement that she sang. And I was always-- I've heard this song sung so many times and I think they've tried to recapture the old spiritual sound for it, and everybody that I heard perform it growing up saying it like, you know, “There is a Balm in Gilead,” like they're singing Old Man River kind of thing. And I didn't think it needed to be performed that way. This is a song of lament, and from people who are in pain, that's the origins of the song. And I felt like it needed to be sung by someone who was in pain. And my wife has not known a day without pain since Reagan's first term—37 years this year.   And so, when she sings this, she's singing it from the depth of that pain and Gracie is a real singer. I mean, a no kidding singer. And when I played this for her, and I slowed it down and I played it for her to sing, she was in her wheelchair and she sang it live to track. Which, what that means for those who are not really in the music scene, whatever that much, we weren't punching anything in. he didn't have to do a bunch of takes with it or fix this or this. She just sang it. And what came from her was so extraordinary because she understood the concept. “There is a Balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole,” and she's wounded. Both of her legs are gone. Her body's orthopedically a wreck. She's wounded and she's had more bandages on her than other people I know. I don't know anybody who's had bandages on her like she has and wounds at least orthopedically and physically. But I would suggest to you that you as a caregiver understand wounds of that level too, just a different way. And I would also encourage you not to dismiss those wounds, that they are real, and they are painful, and they require attention. But the good news is you have a Savior that's giving you that attention. You have a Savior that knows how to dress wounds, your wounds. Your wounds as a caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. You don't have to have a question. Just call it just help one caregiver today. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope For The Caregiver. We'll be right back.   [Music]   Welcome back to hope for the caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. And by the way, I got the stats that we're also the nation's number one podcast for the family caregiver. You want to be a part of the podcast, it’s very easy. Just go to HopeForTheCaregiver.com, and it's all there at the website. And it's a free podcast, we podcast this show and other bonus materials, and all kinds of things that we do out there and it's a free podcast. And I'm very grateful for American Family Radio for seeing the value of what we do, and taking this message to this incredibly underserved population. For the family caregiver, for those who are knowingly, willingly and voluntarily putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. And sometimes we're doing it at the expense of our own bodies, of our own hearts, of our own wallets, of our own careers, all those kinds of things. How do you help these people? How do you strengthen the family caregiver? What does it look like? That's what this show was about. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840.   I want to go back to the Scripture we started with— I want to kind of just drill down on this a little bit more so that you can leave this show today. After this show, my goal for the show is, is at the end of the show, I leave you a little better than I found you. You know, with something that you can hang on to that's tangible, right where you are as a caregiver. I can't take away your stuff anymore than you take away mine. I can't fix what you deal with any more than you could fix mine. But we can build each other up in this, and we can sustain each other. There's not a destination where you get to a point where you say “Okay, I've got this. I'm done.” Even at the grave that doesn't end for the caregiver. Because I maintain that the caregiver has a PTSD quality that affects them after the funeral. Now, I can't say that from personal experience because I'm still a caregiver. I'm in my 34th year of this. But I can say that with reasonable certainty based on the number of caregivers I've talked to, and the amount of time I've spent in this world, that just because your loved one passes away, doesn’t mean that the challenges you're dealing with and the things, the wounds that you're dealing with, just go away.   I think that's the mistake a lot of people make as they get into this world as a caregiver that it's, if we can just get them to stop doing this, then we'll be okay. But it doesn't work that way. And those of you with some real longevity in this understand that concept. It takes a while to figure that out. In the first, the beginning part of your journey as a caregiver, we spent a lot of time trying to run around in a flurry trying to do this and this and this and this because we're trying to fight off all the tigers that are attacking us. And then after a while, we realized the tigers aren't going to stop coming, and we got to have a different strategy. We can't just keep rushing out. We've got to replenish, we've got to stock up, we've got to endure this. And that's why when I wrote the book, Hope For The Caregiver and my other books and when I did the show and all the things that we do, it was always designed to equip caregivers to endure, not to accomplish or not to reign victoriously as a caregiver, but to endure but endure, with more calmness, to endure with more hope, to endure with more joy.   So, I'm not content to just kind of grind my teeth and survive this. I want to grow in it. More importantly, I want to see God differently in this. And more importantly than that, He desires to reveal Himself to us in greater depth in this. Everything in Scripture confirms that, and He reveals Himself to us in suffering. CS Lewis says, “Suffering is God's megaphone” because sometimes we just don't want to listen to the whisper. You know, I've never heard anybody say, “Well, I sure learned that the easy way.” That's just not the way it works for us, at least not for me. When you are the crash test dummy of caregivers, you know, and I've logged ample time at this. So, I've had enough time to make enough mistakes that you start seeing a pattern. Oh, oh, you can only run into a brick wall so many times before eventually, you're going to have to figure out that that wall’s not going to move. For some of us, it takes longer than others. For me, it took quite a bit of time but that's all right.   I want you as a caregiver to grab a hold of these concepts. I see a lot of people try to meet the needs of caregivers in the media and other shows or whatever. But a lot of them are talking about logistics, and then a lot of them talk about platitudes. You know, take care of yourself. Make sure you take care of yourself, and I get that. I get it and I appreciate it, God bless you. But on this show, we're going to drill down into the matters of the heart, because I think that's where the battle is for caregivers. See, if your heart is a train wreck, then guess what? Your wallet will be too. The way you interact with other relationships will be too. Your job will be too. And so if we speak to the heart and strengthen the heart of the family caregivers, then we provide a fighting chance for us to deal with these other issues. So, when I am faced with grim news from a doctor, or behavior, or the myriad of other things that can come at us sideways, where we're just trying to just live peacefully. And all of a sudden something just gets dumped in our lap that is just nuttier than a fruitcake, man. I mean, it's just crazier than a pit cocoon. And we're trying to somehow just get through the day and then all of a sudden here comes something that just, you know.   They say being a caregiver is like coming to a road looking both ways before you cross and then getting hit by a plane. And when those things happen, how do you reorient yourself? How do you recalibrate your brain and your heart? And that's when you go back to Scripture and see what Scripture has to say about those things. And that's the Scripture I started off with today, “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet and all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left. Turn your foot away from evil.” That's Proverbs 4:25 through 27. It seems almost on the surface unsatisfying for us as caregivers to hear things like that because we want answers. We want a sure thing. Tell us how to get out of this mess. And I don't see that it works that way. The way out of the mess is through the mess. And we want to be so delivered but we don't understand that we're being delivered through it of far more than just our caregiving challenges. And that's the heartbreaking thing I think for us as caregivers to realize that there's multiple battles going on. And the biggest battle is not the loved one we're taking care of.   The biggest battle is what's going on in our own hearts and the things that God is zeroing in on and just keep-- It's like He keeps pressing on this one spot until we cry uncle, and we realize, oh, that's what he's after. And that's painful. That's hard, I know. But then you go back and look at the other Scripture we read today. “He heals the brokenhearted, Psalm 147:3, and binds up their wounds.” He's not doing these things haphazardly and he's using the circumstances in our life to reveal something about ourselves so that he can reveal something about Himself to us in that. There's a lot of broken stuff in our life. There’s a lot of broken stuff in my life. And God is using these circumstances around me that I deal with as a caregiver to reveal those things in me so that I run to him. You just have-- It's a different way of thinking about it. But this is what I've learned in 34 years of this. And we watch somebody suffer, and those of you who've watched somebody in pain and watch somebody suffer, you're going to get this really well. But to watch another human being suffer creates a theological argument inside you. And it just bores down all the way to the core of who we are because it seems so unfair.   It seems so un-Christ-like, un-God-is-good-like, and you hear all these people on TV that are talking about this and being delivered of this and you go to have your breakthrough here. And yet you and I are on watching somebody in pain. You and I are watching somebody suffer, day in and day out. And we wrestle with the concept of the goodness of God in the midst of that. I cannot be alone in this. I cannot be the only one that wrestles with that. But it's in that wrestling, that we get a chance to see him in a way that we don't expect. That's the issue. Because at the core of it, I think it’s a crisis of faith. Do we trust God while we watch this? Do we trust God while we see this? You remember, those of you who are old enough to remember it well that 9/11 when the nation was so shocked by this unimaginable horror of attack, and the nation reeled. And for the first three to four days, you could just see the stunned look in everybody's eyes. And then you started hearing the questions on the news and so forth, you know, how could God, why would God? And people were doing this kind of thing, and they were wrestling with it? Did they ever answer the question? A lot of pastors try to go on television and talk about it. But think about it, when we're faced with tragedy, we instantly ask how could God allow such a thing? But when the tragedy fades, we put the questions away. But you as a caregiver, you got to look at it every day. How are you doing with the question? 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. This is Peter Rosenberger, and we'll be right back.   [Music]   Isn’t that a great song? It’s Keith Green. “There are sometimes I doubt but you always find me out.” It's exactly what we're talking about. Keith Green, well you go on after the show's over, go just do some research. If you don't know who he is or who he was, he still is, he's with Christ now, but just an enormous influence on the Christian music world, but I love that song. “There's sometimes I doubt but you always find me out.” He knows you doubt. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope For The Caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. “There's sometimes you doubt, he's gonna find you out,” and he is pursuing you. And sometimes the path that he pursues you leads you through these dark places that seems so unpleasant, so horrifying to us. And yet what he's revealing is going to trump every bit of that. I go back to what I talked about at the beginning of the show, when I was out on the snowmobile and I'm on that trail, and it is a frightening trail. I promise you, but the view is so fabulous. In order to get to where I want to be, I'm going to have to go on that trail. There's no other way up there. And others have gone before me, I can see the path.   I am smart enough to not go up there by myself, number one, and number two, just after it's a brand new snow …because that's how you get stuck. And I just don't feel like digging my snowmobile out on a cliff at this point in my life. But there are others who go up there all the time and they get to see that spectacular view, and we all get to rejoice in it. That's our journey as believers. This is what we're doing. This is what it looks like as caregivers. And the journey right now, some of us it is incredibly frightening. I get it. Weeping endureth for a night, say it with me, but joy comes in the morning. And that's the promise, that's the hope for us as caregivers. That's what I call the show Hope For The Caregivers. That conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier and even more joyful life, this is not the end of the story. Even the grave is not the end of the story. And it’s really important for us to understand that, and if we don't understand stand it, then despair will overtake us. Despair is going to be nipping at our heels, no matter what. And we're going to constantly fight it, but we don't have to be overtaken by it. And we will be if we don't continue to wrap our minds and our hearts with the things of the Gospel.   Now, you can try it your way, you can try it not doing that. You can just shake your fist at God and walk away from all this and see how that works for you. I don't recommend it. This is 34 years now that I've been doing this. My 34th year of caring for a human being who's broken, who suffers and has gone through more trauma and surgery and all kinds of things that I care to recount on this show. Some of you are living in similar circumstances. Is despair overtaking you? If you feel that way today then I'm glad you listened to the show because as one caregiver to another. I just want to tell you these things. These are things that I've learned. These are things that I've seen, these are things that I've experienced, that I've touched, that I've witnessed. This is not my opinion. I don't even care about my opinion. But my experience, on the other hand, now that's a different matter. “They overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.” That's what Scripture says in Revelation. So, it is the redeeming blood of Christ that equips us and then our experience, our testimony, our personal encounter with [??? 40:59] Christ, that's how we overcome. And the implication is there something that needs to be overcome. And for you as a caregiver, there's something that needs to be overcome. And it's not Alzheimer’s, it's not autism, it's not addiction, it's not a mutation. Well, that's a lot of alliteration I just use. It's not the affliction that we need to overcome. He's already overcome all of that. It hasn't been manifested yet in your life, but it is overcome. That's not what needs to be overcome by us. That's not how we endure through this. What needs to be overcome is our own hearts; the rage, the resentment, the fear, the doubt, selfishness. You say, “How can I be selfish? I'm a caregiver, look at all the things that I'm doing.” When we say those things, look at all that I'm doing, we've already indicted ourselves. And you are, please, again, I always have to have this disclaimer, I think John, John's producing the show today. And I have to probably have a recording a disclaimer that the views represent-- The views expressed by this host are things that God is working on in his life every day.   So, we may have to have that disclaimer played because these are not things that I own, these are things that I know. When I go up that trail on the mountain, I didn't make that trail and I don't own that trail, but I know where the trail is. And that's our journey as believers, that's our journey as we walk through these things as caregivers. And we can somehow try to put the battle over here that well if we can just get, you know, mom to stop doing this or if we can just-- if this would just, if this would just. And you really think that's gonna make everything go away or that's going to make you all feel that much better? Nah. That's not where the battle is. I can't fight amputation. I look at my wife's limbs and we're dealing with some prosthetic stuff right now. She still got a sore on her limb because of a prosthesis that we're working back and forth with. For those of you who are not in the amputation, prosthetic world, you won't really get this as much. For those of you in the-- that have limb loss in your family, you will.   But for example, when you have diabetes and you lose a limb, they go above the bad tissue wherever the infection or whatever it is, that’s causing the limb to be dysfunctional. They just go above it and find a healthy tissue and that's where they amputate. And you usually don't have a lot of the fitting issues that you would normally have. I mean that when you do with diabetes and so forth because you're cutting away to good tissue, but otherwise the person has not been damaged in other parts where it would affect the prosthesis. I didn't probably say that as clearly as I would like. But when you come to a situation like Gracie, she was so traumatized, everything was broken. One of the residents, surgery residents told her prosthesis later that they stopped counting at 200 breaks. And when you have that much trauma, then fitting a prosthesis to traumatized limbs, this is where a lot of wounded warriors will get this because those wounds were, they were incurred through trauma, roadside bombs and so forth. And when you have scar tissue and all those kinds of things, it's hard to get these things to fit properly. And it requires a lot of extra work.   And so we're dealing with those kinds of things right now. But I'm not a prosthetist. I don't even play one on TV. I mean, you know, I know enough about it from a layman's point of it. We run a prosthetic limb ministry. You heard Gracie’s story just a few moments ago. And we do this and I know enough to get me in trouble. But I can't fight that battle. I can't do that. I don't have the time and the wherewithal to go to prosthetic school or become an orthopedic surgeon or whatever and do all these things. That is not what I do and what I can do. Those are not my skill sets. I can't fight that. But I can fight being a jerk. I could fight that. I can fight being demanding. I can fight being resentful. I can fight cholesterol. The country ham that a friend of mine sent me for Christmas doesn't help me fight that battle, but I can fight it.   Are you fighting the wrong battle? Your battle is not with your loved one. However poorly they may act, your battle is not with your family or friends. However poorly they may act toward you, that's not your battle. The battle is always within our own hearts. “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows row; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well with my soul.”   Is it well with your soul today as a caregiver? Is it? If not, why not? Is it because your loved one’s acting funky? They may be a catalyst, but that's not the battle. You want to know more? Go out to HopeForTheCaregiver.com. Get the book. Get the CD. Let Gracie and I play and sing for you. Don't do this alone. I’m so glad you joined us today. And get the podcast, we’ll have this out on the website later on. We'll see you next week. HopeForTheCaregiver.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.

For nearly seven years, John has joined me as delightful addition to the show.  We had an exceptionally good time on today's show.  In addition, there's a hilarious story of all I received when I tried to commit myself. (Yes ...it's true!).  We through in a special song from Gracie ...and a bunch of other thoughts to help you start your caregiving year! Presented by:  

Misdirected fight We seem to take on the wrong enemy. We’ll try to fight Alzheimer’s. We’ll try to fight addiction. We’ll try to fight amputation. We’ll try to fight injury or illnesses we’re not prepared, equipped or in any way capable of doing. My wife is a double amputee. I cannot fight amputation. But, I can fight cholesterol. I can fight being a jerk. These are things I can fight. How about you? What can you fight? What can you successfully wage war against in your life?  Maybe your child suffers from a devastating disease that is just beyond the pale. You can’t fight those things. You may feel guilty for bringing that child into the world, but you can’t fight that. Yet, you can fight bitterness and resentment. You can do that. Scripture says that you can and it gives you the path to be able to do that. (Ephesians 4:31-32) Waging War Against the Wrong Enemy I know people who have committed their entire lives to waging war against their loved one’s affliction. I know these people and I can see the weariness, the bone weariness and the despair, but they keep pushing themselves to inhuman levels; somehow thinking that “If I can get them here, then I can be happy and I can rest and do my thing.” How is that working for you? How are you doing with that?  “If I could just get daddy to stop drinking …” “If I can just get my daughter to stop acting or making these terrible decisions…” “If I can just get my spouse to get to the bathroom instead of making a mess everywhere else…” “They can remember what channel Law and Order comes on, but they can’t remember to go to the bathroom…” “If I could just get them to do that, then maybe I could have some peace.” Scripture says we could have peace no matter what. Caregivers understand "...sorrows like sea billows rolling." My brother-in-law has a boat and fishes in the Gulf of Mexico. While I’ve never been seasick, I fished with him a few times in some choppy water. One particular time, the waves rolled relentlessly and the boat kept rising and slamming down. It didn’t make me sick, but it just wore me out—and the waves had no plans to stop just because I didn’t like them. That’s seems like a good picture of our lives as caregivers. It just wears you down. Sorrow comes relentlessly, without mercy, without reprieve — it just keeps coming. So how do you deal with that?• How do you cope?• How do you find your balance?• How do you find the horizon?• What does that look like?• Where is safety?• Where is that peace of mind that can come? When awoken in the boat during the storm, Jesus told the disciples “What’s the matter with you guys?” (Loosely paraphrased!) While He slept in the boat, they thought they’d die. Yet, Jesus spoke “Be still” and the waves and wind calmed down. If you notice, however, Jesus was calm before then—He slept the boat. How did he do that? Is it just because he was God? He was very God—yet he was very man.  All the theologians I’ve talked to – very sharp people – shared that Jesus shelved his divinity. He lived life fully as man, trusting in God, and free to experience life. That’s why he could marvel at the woman who reached up to touch the hem of his garment (Matthew 9:20), or the Roman centurion who said “Hey, look. You’ve just got to give the word. You don’t have to come up. You can just give the word. I get that.” (Loosely paraphrased, again!) Matthew 8:5-13 Jesus was free to marvel because he shelved His divinity to live life fully as a man. He knew He came to Earth to die, but He also knew he wasn’t going to die on the Sea of Galilee — and he was confident that he could rest.  How confident are you in the plans that God has for you? You know, Martin Luther stated in A Mighty Fortress Is Our God – “The body they may kill, but God’s truth abideth still”. How confident in you that we as individuals can live with that sense of serenity and purposefulness in our lives, even while dealing with these harsh things as caregivers?  Please do not in any way assume that I own this, While I see the path much clearer, I need reminders to get back on that path just as much as anyone else. Every time I say or hear those reminders, I’m pointed back to safety. Safety is not the absence of conflict or war. Safety is being in the hand of God. Period. Wherever that is. Safety in the Battle In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful.  And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?”  So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.” 2 Samuel 11:1-5 “In the springtime, when the kings when out to war, David stayed home. King David stayed home.” He should have been out doing his job, but he got tired of it; so he stayed home and just kind of propped his feet up, looked across the roof and guess what? There was Bathsheba. David was in far more danger and caused far more damage by staying out of the battle. God’s going to lead us through things that will hurt. It’s going to be unpleasant, but He’s working something out in our lives through it—and we can trust Him. Even in our battles as caregivers. But the battle is not against our loved ones or their afflictions. It's against ourselves ...our fears, despair, guilt, resentments, and even self-indulging.  Yet, we can trust God with all of those things ...with every wearisome and heart-wrenching challenge. We can even trust Him to give us the rest we desire ...even on the battle field.   How do we know? Because he stretched out His arms and gave His life for us on the cross. He fought and bested THE enemy Himself. He won the war the battles we can't fight, and strengthens us for the ones we can.  

As 2020 starts, this hymn seemed appropriate to share.  I recorded it on my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, but this is a special LIVE duet of my arrangement that I performed at church while the congregation was served communion.  I accompanied my friend, Daniel Fisher, on the violin.  His playing is extraordinary. This hymn remains special to uncounted millions. The lyrics speak directly to our hearts to help us face adversity, challenges, sorrow, and loss ...with calmness, peace, and even joy.  On that same note, I recently read this prayer below. Given that caregivers know up front that their year will be filled with challenges, this prayer connected with me ...and I felt it would with fellow caregivers.  May God make your year a happy one!Not by shielding us from all sorrows and pain,But by strengthening us to bear it, as it comes;Not by making our path easy,But by making us sturdy to travel any path;Not by taking hardships from us,But by taking fear from our heart;Not by granting us unbroken sunshine,But by keeping our face bright, even in the shadows;Not by making our life always pleasant,But by showing us when people and their causes need us most,and by making us anxious to be there to help.God's love, peace, hope and joy to us for the year ahead. Enjoy this bonus content from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's podcast ...and I wish you a HEALTHY New Year ...because "Healthy Caregiver Make Better Caregivers!"  Peter Rosenberger  

There's still time ...for you as a caregiver ...to give yourself gifts.  From My Commentary in the Chicago Tribune: For family caregivers, the normal stresses and challenges experienced by most during the holiday season can be amplified exponentially. Rather than enjoying the season, many caring for chronically impaired loved ones settle for enduring the holidays. Aside from family get-togethers (that often present accessibility issues or other challenges), there remain the usual medical difficulties, extra shopping, special meals and added pressure of making it special for others. “It may be our last time …” weighs heavy on the minds of many caregivers. And, while trying to meet a loved one’s expectations, many caregivers end up sacrificing their own peace of mind at the altar of nostalgia. Sadly, an overwhelming number of caregivers wearily mutter a “thank God it’s over” each Jan. 2. The magic of Christmas can quickly disappear when you’re being cursed at while changing an adult diaper. Christmas Eve in the ER is no picnic. Neither is dealing with a family member with the chronic impairment of addiction. Wrapping presents for someone who can’t remember your name doesn’t usually inspire a sudden desire to sing carols. These scenarios and more represent the reality for millions of Americans who put themselves between a vulnerable loved one and a potential disaster. Is there holiday joy for caregivers? While requiring some creativity, the short answer is “yes!” Here are ways caregivers can reintroduce some festive spirit into their weary hearts and bodies Read the entire commentary in the Chicago Tribune. https://www.chicagotribune.com/opinion/commentary/ct-opinion-caregivers-family-holidays-christmas-20191217-7h5yae3s2fgr7emiwbiah6einy-story.html

Throughout our lengthy journey of surgeries, chronic pain, amputations, and lots of tears, music has always been the glue for Gracie and me. We particularly love Christmas music.  This is a recording of one of our favorite Christmas hymns, Silent Night. Download this at:   See more at www.standingwithhope.com   

A while back, I invited my friend, Daniel Fisher (an exceptional violinist), to perform a duet with me at church.  During the serving of communion, we played a medley of The Old Rugged Cross and Near the Cross. Each time I listen to this, I’m stunned by his playing.  While playing the piano …I just try to stay out his way.  At the end you can faintly hear the communion trays being returned to the table. I felt that even that added value to this performance.   As caregivers, our lives can be filled with such stress and anxiety.  The holidays are not exactly an antidote for those things. I put this LIVE recording on my CD, Songs for The Caregiver.  The entire project was  meant to be a calming and inspiring one for my fellow caregivers. Take a listen, and follow along with the lyrics. I think you will agree it’s soothing to your heart. The CD is available to download on ITUNES, AMAZON, etc , or you can Call Logos Bookstore in Nashville (615 297-5388) and they will ship one to you ….or as a Christmas gift. If you find these podcast meaningful, consider a tax-deductible gift to Standing With Hope.  Through our prosthetic limb outreach and the family caregiver ministry, we are reaching "...the wounded and those who care for them."      The Old Rugged CrossOn a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,The emblem of suff’ring and shame,And I love that old cross where the Dearest and BestFor a world of lost sinners was slain. So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,Till my trophies at last I lay down;I will cling to the old rugged cross,And exchange it some day for a crown. Oh, that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,Has a wondrous attraction for me;For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above,To bear it to dark Calvary. In the old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,A wondrous beauty I see;For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,To pardon and sanctify me. Near The Cross (Lyrics by Fanny Crosby - one of my favorite hymn writers) Jesus, keep me near the cross;There a precious fountain,Free to all, a healing stream,Flows from Calvary's mountain. Refrain: In the cross, in the cross,Be my glory ever,Till my raptured soul shall findRest beyond the river. Near the cross, a trembling soul,Love and mercy found me,There the Bright and Morning StarShed its beams around me. Near the cross! O Lamb of God,Brings its scenes before me;Help me walk from day to day,With its shadows o'er me.

Those who sow in tearsshall reap with shouts of joy!He who goes out weeping,bearing the seed for sowing,shall come home with shouts of joy,bringing his sheaves with him. - Psalm 125:5-6 Are you sowing in tears? What does that even mean to us a caregivers. Take a listen to this episode as we unpack this Scripture and talk about it in the context of serving as a family caregiver.  Autism, Alzheimer's ...Addiction:  There's always a caregiver. Whenever you find someone with a chronic impairment, you always find a caregiver.  That's why we do the show.  This episode is from our December 7 show and features, callers and a special song from Gracie. Her recently released CD is titled Resilient. For a tax deductible contribution to Standing With Hope ( the presenting sponsor of this show) for any amount, we will send you Gracie's CD as our gift to you!.   

Almost a decade ago, Grammy winner Zac Brown envisioned creating a life changing camping experience similar to his own ...but one that was inclusive for children (and families) struggling with challenges. His heart also went out to the wounded warrior community and his answer was to create Camp Southern Ground.   "As a former camp counselor and camper, I know how a positive camp experience can transform a child’s life. My dream is that children of all abilities will have an opportunity to grow and learn from each other, while experiencing the magic of the outdoors. It is also important to me that we take care of the families that protect our freedoms and keep this country safe. Camp Southern Ground will be a haven for children of family members serving in the military, as well as be a respite for our active and veteran service members. Through our partnerships we’ll be able to welcome military families to our camps year-round. Thank you for supporting our efforts and for helping us create an amazing place that is much more than the typical camp experience." - Zac Brown Jake Dukes, VP of Strategic Initiatives, called our show to discuss this extraordinary camp and the programs that are available to families with children on the spectrum.  He also detailed their amazing veterans' programs that step into their families to offer a path towards healing and growth. Whether it's a veteran struggling to transition from active service to civilian life ...or those struggling with PTSD, Camp Southern Ground is ready and eager to come along side those veterans and their families and play an important role in their journey following their service.    About Peter Rosenberger and HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER A 30+ year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the caregiver’s journey and is committed to strengthening the family caregiver.  Through his books, music, and weekly radio show heard on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel and 180 additional stations, Peter demonstrates an unswerving commitment to those who put themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. For More Information visit: www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

Think back through difficult times in your life ...when hot tears filled your eyes. Maybe when your body was wracked with pain or your heart was broken.  Did you feel like singing during those times? And when they had inflicted many blows upon them, they threw them into prison, ordering the jailer to keep them safely. Having received this order, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks.About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, Acts 16:23-34 Since meeting my wife, Gracie, more than 34 years ago, I am constantly amazed that during the most brutal times of her life, even from a hospital bed following amputations, she sang. Although her voice barely whispered at times, there were other moments when it carried down the hall of countless hospital corridors through her 80+ surgeries.  Each one of those times not only astonished and moved me, but nurses, doctors, techs, and visitors as well. It's not simply that she raised her voice in song, but Gracie's voice is a rich, passionate voice that has captured the heart of audiences since she first performed at age 3.  One of those memorable times, however, came at the bedside of someone else. As my mother lay fighting for her life in hospital bed struggling to breathe with congestive heart failure, Gracie sang to her. My mother asked for one of her favorite hymns:  "Breathe on Me Breath Of God."  The picture with this podcast is of Gracie holding my mother's hand and singing this wonderful from the hymnal.  Gracie's rich voice echoed throughout intensive care ...and caused nurses to quietly stand by the room door and listen.  I am grateful to report that my mother is doing well.  This hymn remains one of her favorites, and Gracie recorded this for her new CD ... a cappella.  If you are struggling with heartache and/or physical issues today, please allow Gracie to sing to you as she did for my mother.  Breathe on me, Breath of God,Fill me with life anew,That I may love what Thou dost love,And do what Thou wouldst do. Breathe on me, Breath of God,Until my heart is pure,Until with Thee I will one will,To do and to endure. Breathe on me, Breath of God,Till I am wholly Thine,Until this earthly part of meGlows with Thy fire divine. Breathe on me, Breath of God,So shall I never die,But live with Thee the perfect lifeOf Thine eternity. Gracie's new CD, Resilient is available today.  For more information visit: www.standingwithhope.com/resilient 

Caller states he is the patient, caregiver, and addict ...all wrapped into one, and is miserable. But he doesn't want any of the things we point him to on this show.  Then, he pivots and wants to tell a joke ...and gets mad at me for not laughing.  Listen to see if you like the joke. Clearly, according to this caller, I just don't have a sense of humor.   

"I didn't even know what Cerebral Palsy was until we received the diagnosis for our daughter." - Dr. Richard Rosenberger For this special edition of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, I invited my brother to call in and share his vast journey as a caregiving father for 30+ years ...and as an educator.  Richard is the Superintendent for Anderson County School District #2 in Upstate South Carolina.  In this interview he candidly shares his lengthy journey, mistakes, wisdom, and passion for education.   Hope for the Caregiver is heard Sunday Evenings at 6 PM Eastern on Sirius XM Channel 131 (FAMILY TALK) and Saturday Mornings at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.  

My favorite reminder of gratitude is this story of a remarkable woman who learned to thank God in all things ...including FLEAS while in a concentration camp during WW2.  Sponsored by:  Standing With Hope

Cleland Boyd McAffee, a Presbyterian minister, provided the church with one of the most treasured and enduring hymns. Like many great hymns, however, this one also came from great sorrow.  Two of his young niece died of diptheria, but in the family's grief, McAffee penned this great hymn that continue to bring comfort and strength to millions.  One could reasonably state that McAffee's greatest sermon can by found in the countless hymnals around the world.  There is a place of quiet rest,near to the heart of God,a place where sin cannot molest,near to the heart of God. Refrain:O Jesus, blest Redeemer,sent from the heart of God,hold us, who wait before thee,near to the heart of God. There is a place of comfort sweet,near to the heart of God,a place where we our Savior meet,near to the heart of God. [Refrain] When selecting songs for my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, I knew this hymn had to be on the project. I've always loved it, and made it the first song on the album.  It means something to me as a caregiver, and i felt it would encourage, comfort, and strengthen my fellow caregivers.  While I've served as a caregiver for more than 33 years, I've been a pianist for much longer. Sometimes, I don't always have the words to express my feelings, and that's when I find myself at the piano. I can't take away my burden ...or yours, but i can play for both of us.   Enjoy ... Peter Sponsored by:

You guys have a laid out a path for everybody else to follow. You have a laid out an example.  And now God is using that to instruct His kids all over the country—all over the world—of, “’When you're up against a struggle,’ Don't turn in fear! —Watch what we do when we follow Christ."  - Russ Taff.   The New CD From Standing With Hope Founder, Gracie Rosenberger   For virtually her entire life, Gracie Rosenberger’s powerful and soaring voice brought crowds to their feet— in stark contrast to her broken body traumatized by a horrific 1983 car accident that led to 80 surgeries and the amputation of both legs. Yet, the lengthy years of surgeries, pain, infections, and a host of other issues took their toll. In 2010, Gracie’s already compromised health plummeted deeper, and she faced death several times. The outlook looked bleak, and her voice appeared silenced. Gracie, however, fought back. Above all, she trusted God with her difficult challenges. Literally singing from her hospital beds, Gracie pushed herself to rise from near certain death to stand …and walk.  With every step— and every song—Gracie trusts God with her challenges while demonstrating perseverance. Gracie continues to prove that she is…Resilient! Joining me on the show, Gracie shared her powerful story, and the journey towards making this new CD ...her first in more than a decade. Gospel Music Icon, Russ Taff, called the show as they both shared about their duet on this album (The Joy of the Lord.) This 14-song CD is an exclusive gift from Standing With Hope for a tax-deductible contribution of any amount.    About Standing With Hope  “For the Wounded and Those Who Care for Them” Prosthetic Limb Outreach Following the amputation of her legs, Gracie Rosenberger envisioned a way to assist her fellow amputees with quality prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As a result, she launched Standing With Hope. This led to an unique partnership with the Republic of Ghana in 2005. Standing With Hope regularly sends supplies and teams to train and equip local worker to help them build and maintain limbs for their own people. Inmate Outreach In addition, inmates at a Tennessee prison volunteer to help disassemble used prosthetic limbs collected by Standing With Hope in order to recycle usable parts.  This prison outreach is one of many faith-based initiatives run by Core Civic at their correctional facilities. As a result, those recycled parts are shipped (along with purchased supplies) to build custom-fitted limbs in Ghana. Furthermore, patients come from as far away as Nigeria to receive prosthetic limbs and treatment. Family Caregiver Outreach Standing With Hope expanded the ministry’s scope in 2011 to include an outreach headed by co-founder, Peter Rosenberger. Drawing upon his lengthy journey as Gracie’s caregiver, Peter launched his radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. As a result of Peter’s efforts and the great need of family caregivers, the show has soared to the #1 broadcast show for family caregivers. Hope for the Caregiver is heard LIVE each week on American Family Radio and Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel (131).   

During one of our many visits to Walter Reed Army Medical Center to meet with wounded warriors, we met a bitter young soldier struggling with wounds he received from friendly fire.  In a terrible mistake, he suffered injuries from his own country’s military. As my wife, Gracie, walked over to greet him, he rudely snapped at her. Lying on his back while working out on a physical therapy table, he could only see Gracie from the waist up. This young man had no idea of her seventy plus operations, or the loss of both of her own legs.  The physical therapist working with him looked embarrassed, and quickly tried to cover for Gracie by telling the young man that she was welcome there–and had a lot of practical advice worth hearing.  Disbelieving the therapist, he snarled back hatefully. Momentarily stunned, she regained her composure, and, while holding on to a railing, propped her right prosthetic leg near where his head rested on the low workout table. He not only noticed her state-of-the-art metal leg beside him (encased in a beautiful shoe, I might add), but his eyes turned to watch her balancing on her other artificial leg, as well.  “You’re not the only amputee in here, big guy.” Gracie said, while looking him squarely in the eye.  The soldier in him quietly nodded at her, and he didn’t say anything else.  Ten feet away, I listened to a man who, although he lost both legs, cracked jokes with a contagious sense of humor. His face clouded over, however, when I pointedly asked him how things were back home.  Looking down at his new prosthetic legs, he whispered out, “My marriage is on the rocks, and it doesn’t look good.” The loss of his legs didn’t keep him from joking, but the wounds of his heart silenced the laughter. Friendly fire. I asked another mother in the PT room if her son’s father had been up to the hospital. Looking over at her son’s newly amputated left leg, as well as the halo device holding the pins piercing his right leg, her jaw tightened as she flatly said, “He left years ago, and good riddance.” Friendly fire. How many of us deal with deep wounds caused by those closest to us? How many of us have caused damage to the ones we love and swore to protect? Sometimes “friendly fire” wounds are compounded with the shame of the wound itself—we feel our wounds come with dishonor, and our fists clench with a rage that wants to choke the one(s) who hurt us.  Other times, we realize with horror how poorly we treated those counting on us, and the guilt and shame fill us with despair. It’s easy to recall those things that cause hot tears to pour out of our eyes—the things driving us to lash out at the ones who hit us with “friendly fire.” In our pain, we might even strike at people who are simply trying to encourage us.  Gracie propped an artificial limb on a physical therapy table to help a hurting young man gain perspective and, hopefully, see that he can move past this horrific life-altering injury.  Christ is the wounded warrior who presents His own wounds, not only to communicate perspective, but also demonstrate His love for each of us.  He didn’t just prop a metal leg on the table; He laid down His life and was Himself wounded—for our sins. His wounds made it possible for ours to be healed. He never clenched His fists, but rather stretched out his hands and received the nails. When we look at our wounds, even those inflicted by our loved ones …or even self-inflicted, it’s all too easy to despair.  But when we lift our eyes to look at HIS wounds, we are strengthened to know that HE redeemed our souls—and is redeeming our wounds.  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3     Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE

A lot of candidates running for President advocate "Medicare for All" as part of their platform. While Medicare itself is a decent program, I spend a little time discussing the realities of dealing with Medicare ...from a customer service standpoint.  Gracie and I both had to call Medicare for a significant issue. Getting bounced around from department to department, we logged over four hours on the phone one day, and another 90 minutes the next.   It's still not resolved as of this posting (with another 4 hours logged).  Imagine your best day at the DMV.  That's what happens when government is the only game in town. You simply have no competition ...no incentive...to provide better service.  At some point in the customer service path, someone has to say, "We can build a better mousetrap!"  When listening to the candidates speaking, it sounds like overhearing a meeting in the teacher's lounge, "Here's what I think we ought to do ..."  It would be helpful for these candidates to share their own personal (and credible) experience in dealing with the healthcare system. Experience is always better than opinion.  Also on this episode, we played a new song from Gracie's upcoming CD titled Resilient.  I also shared a few "Gracie-isms" and how Gracie nearly broke Amazon's Alexa ...at the source!! In addition we shared our "Caregiver Tip of the Day," and of course, we also had my sidekick, The Count of Mighty Disco - John Butler!!! A jammed pack show, demonstrating why Hope for the Caregiver is the #1 broadcast show for family caregivers! 

Yes ...I know it feels like the snowplow driver is listening to Lawrence Welk while we listen to Led Zepplin, but in winter weather, the safest place is often the place where you feel it's going maddeningly slow.  That also applies to our journey as caregivers.  We find that we must move at a pace we can't control...and, just like trying to pass a snowplow, we run the risk of getting hurt if we try to circumvent.  A friend once told me, "Families move at the speed of their slowest members."   When serving as a caregiver the "pace car" dictates how fast we're going to go. We're going to get there ...when we get there. Beating on our steering wheel, swearing, and/or spazzing out isn't going to make it better or faster, but it will cause unnecessary tension ...that robs us of living a calmer, healthier, and even safer life. Sometimes, the snowplow is a chronic illness that progresses. Sometimes, it's a special needs child that moves at his/her pace. Sometimes it's someone with a addiction that struggles in their recovery program. Sometimes it's grief that takes whatever time it needs to process it out. In my 30+ years, I've discovered the pace set for me is simply living in the moment ...one day at a time.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34   Listen to the callers share their stories, as well. Also, of course, joining the show is himself ...my sidekick, John Butler (The Count of Mighty Disco) "Don't pass the snowplow is our "Caregiver Tip of the Day" for this show.  Hope for the Caregiver is LIVE on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) at 6PM Eastern.   Brought to you by:   

One of the hardest challenges for caregivers (and Landmine #4 from 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Avoid Them), we address the loss of identity.  Many caregivers struggle to speak in first person singular when asked about their feelings, heart, and condition.  One of the main reasons I do the show, is to help my fellow caregivers learn to rediscover (or possibly find) their own voices.  We also took calls, and dealt with some challenging issues. From drug addiction that traumatized a family to the transgender issue, we tackled topics from today headlines ...that our crippling families.  Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE    

Caller shared her discouraged about her daughter who suffered a stroke following an attack, and is now disabled ...but has also turned to alcohol.  It's difficult to watch loved one suffer. Watching them do so while addicted to alcohol and/or alcohol crushes the stoutest of caregiver hearts. This mother and I chatted for a bit on what her role is and isn't ...and what she can do and can't. Sometimes, as caregivers, we must give firm boundaries ...but turn away to not show the hot tears that fill our eyes.  Yet, there is a path to safety for caregivers of addicts/alcoholics.  We talked about it on this call.  Hope for the Caregiver is Brought to You By:  Standing With Hope  

Moses, yes ...THAT Moses ...had a smart father-in-law (Jethro) who pulled the prophet aside and gave him sound wisdom that can apply to family caregivers. In my book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them, Landmine #7 is "...thinking that it's all up to you!" Read what Jethro told Moses.  "Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone."  Exodus 18:17-18 This theme, plus calls rounds out our 10/19/2019 show. Brought to you by Standing With Hope

Bruce Sickler, team manager for American Airlines "It's Cool to Fly" Program called our show to discuss this groundbreaking program with us. For further information, contact bruce.sickler@AA.com directly.  "You're caring for people on life's journey." - Bruce Sickler    From American Airlines: To many flyers, the airport experience is a routine part of life. Check-in, security, gate areas and jet bridges are features of a second home. Customers buckle in, the plane pushes back and with a nudge of the throttles, two engines begin to roar. The plane taxis down the ramp and onto the active taxiway in preparation for takeoff. With each of those experiences comes sensory inputs that we might take for granted — sights and sounds like crowds, intercom announcements, lights, screens, safety demonstrations and more. But to a child with autism, and to that child’s family, any of these things can instantly create fear, anxiety or discomfort and become a challenge that, in the moment, feels insurmountable. For the last five years, American Airlines team members across the country have partnered with local organizations and airport colleagues to make the process less of a mystery, helping these children and their families know what to expect from their air travel experience and bringing greater inclusion, awareness and understanding to those on the autism spectrum. And they’ve had one unified message: It’s Cool to Fly American (ICTFA). ICTFA is essentially a mock travel experience. Kids and their families concerned about the hustle and bustle of air travel are able to experience nearly every aspect of it without actually taking off. They park, check-in, wait at the gate, board, taxi, return to the gate and retrieve their luggage. The experience lasts about 3 1/2 hours. Since its inception in 2014, ICTFA has served more than 5,000 participants and 1,500 families. BOOKS and MUSIC from Peter Rosenberger  

This is not a paid endorsement ...just a testimonial from a grateful caregiver. During our recent move from Nashville to Southwest Montana, the moving company we hired came up short and things did not go as well as hoped.  I called All My Sons Moving and Storage in Nashville to help ...and they OVER-delivered!  I should have called them first ...but that mistake is on me. You might be in a position of moving a loved one. I found a company that extended great care to me ...and listen to my recent conversation on the show (10/20/2019) with show producer, John Butler.  As caregivers ...if we're willing...we might find meaningful help in unexpected places. ALL MY SONS did that for me.  While the company is national, here's the Nashville Office we used:  All My Sons Moving & Storage of Nashville, 2709 Locust Street Nashville, 37207 Tel: 615-205-9240 615-650-2787U.S. DOT No.: 825563MC: 388329

In a segment we like to call "Meet the Neighbors," Chaplain Ken Mottram of Bozeman Health Deaconess Hospital, called the show to share insights about hospital chaplains.  Ken shares on the show that so many equate hospital chaplains with death, but they offer so much more. In our lengthy years of hospital visits, Gracie and I have benefited greatly from many hospital chaplains. To that caregiver spending sleepless nights in the recliner by the hospital bed, a chaplain can provide such encouragement, care, and support.  Prayers, a timely verse, and even songs as one chaplain friend of ours sings to patients and caregivers, Chaplains provide a tremendous service to the wounded and those caring for them.  Brought to you by STANDING WITH HOPE. 

HFTC October 12 2019 Welcome to HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. We are LIVE and are thrilled to have you with us. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. For those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. Maybe it's somebody who's aging, maybe it's a special needs child, maybe somebody who has an addiction issue, whatever the impairment there's a caregiver. How are you holding up? How are you doing? That's what this show is all about. And we are glad to have you with us. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show, and you can also follow along on Facebook Live at Hope for the Caregiver. (www.facebook.com/hopeforthecaregiver )  And by the way, if we have technical difficulties with the video, I don't know what's going on. But our caregiver cam has given me fits as of late and I've got top men working on it … but bear with me. But you can always follow along there and then go to HopefortheCaregiver.com, our website. And then we'll put the show out on a podcast a little later …it's a free podcast. Let me just stop for a second. I want to talk about something that has been weighing kind of heavy on my mind. Some years ago, I was sitting in the hospital with Gracie, my wife who's now had 80 surgeries that I can count, and multiple amputations and it's just been a very long painful journey for her over these many years since her car wreck back in 1983. And she'd had … I don't know what surgery number this was, 50 or something. Who knows? We'd been there doing this song and dance for a long time. And I was just sitting there beside her, I wasn't doing anything, I was just reading a menu trying to think about ordering dinner for that night for her —seeing what she would like.  And me too because the staff there by that time they knew me pretty well —they would bring me a sandwich too, which was always, I thought, was very nice. Anytime somebody brings me a sandwich I'm okay with it. The room was very quiet—she'd had surgery about two days prior to that and pain management with Gracie’s situation after surgery is always difficult. And I was just sitting there watching, hopefully, she was getting some rest and she was in a pretty good sleep. And then I looked over at her and she was blue! She had stopped breathing.   I leapt up and I got the nurses in there and all these nurses just started parachuting in and rappelling down the walls. I thought I'd knew a lot of the people there by that time …but there were people there I've never seen before. All of a sudden, this quiet little hospital room—and she didn't have monitors on at the time, which looking back at it was a mistake, not on my part, but it was a mistake —And this quiet little hospital room we were sitting in I'm sitting turned into a beehive of activity and doctors and nurses and so forth were just descending, alarms are blaring—the whole thing. And they didn't ask me to leave, evidently, they knew who I was. And they weren't concerned that I leave and so I stayed, and I watched quietly while they try to resuscitate my wife. And one doc who was—he was still in surgical garb looking like he just came out of the OR …and he was starting to intubate. I guess he was an anesthesiologist and he was starting to intubate her, and I asked him, I said, “Hey, look, she's a singer, use a small tube.” And he looked kind of over his shoulder, but he can't work and he said, don't worry, Peter. I know Gracie. And I didn't know this guy. I had no idea who this man was. And he obviously knew my wife, and so he was very kind about that— and they got her resuscitated and they started to take her off to critical care. And the room, which had been quiet 15 minutes prior, all of a sudden as everybody left, this entourage of people pushing my wife's hospital bed left, the room kinda was just empty, and I was standing there by myself watching them leave.  And I looked as the last one left, and I looked out the door across the hall, standing against the wall out of the way, was my pastor, one of my pastors, I had two pastors. And this one had come up, just happened to come up, and he just looked at me.   When you have an event like that, I don't know if any of you've all been through a situation where you've been with somebody who coded, but it can be a good bit—be very adrenaline driven. And also, there's this kind of deflating moment where you just kind of okay, you know, “what do you do now?” —and I just stood there for a moment as this whole crowd of people left with my wife —taking her to critical care. And this pastor looked at me. Hjust looked at me in the eyes. And I've never seen anybody other than my parents look at me with that level of compassion. And he didn't say a word. A smaller man than I am, he reached up and he put his hand on my shoulder and he just held my gaze. He just looked at me. And I was so moved by that, I'll never forget the look on his face. He didn't feel the need to explain it, make me feel better or anything else other than just put his hand on my shoulder and just look at me —and he saw me. He didn't rush after Gracie, he saw me. And then we walked down towards critical care. And I thought, you know, that's really kind of how you do it as pastors, as people who want to minister to caregivers. I think we're often in a situation where we feel this…as believers …we feel this compulsion to wash God's hands and explain why he does these or allows these things in our lives and the lives of others. And I think there's a sign of spiritual maturity when you stop trying to clean up after God, and you recognize that He's working in things that we just cannot possibly understand. And it's okay for us to trust him and we communicate that level of faith and hope and trust and peace in it. My pastor did not fill the air with meaningless words he just simply walked with me to critical care just as our Savior walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death. That [event with my pastor] helped form the entire foundation of what I do is as an outreach to family caregivers. I cannot take this away from you and I cannot give words to you that are going to somehow make all this feel better and make you just [say], “okay, I'm okay now. I'm good.” What I can do is point you to safety and walk with you through it, through this medium of being on the air, so that you can hear a voice that speaks “fluid caregiver,” and that you can hear somebody that really truly gets what you're going through. When you have people that want to somehow explain stuff to you, that's troubling to me. I don't have this-- What are you going to say? What are people really going to say? My wife’s had 80 surgeries, both legs amputated, lives with non-stop pain, and this has been going on since Reagan's first term. What’s somebody's going to say? You know, in scripture, you look at John when Jesus was at that pool when those-- You remember that guy that was laying there on a pallet and he was struggling to get to the pool and he couldn't get there if the angel came up and stirred it and supposedly you could get healed and you know, all that kind of stuff going on. You remember that story? What did the scripture say about that guy? He said he'd been there a long time. That's all it says. I mean he’d been born this way evidently and 38 years and it said it was a long time. The scripture didn’t somehow try to make this sound better than it was or explain it, and he’d been there a long time. Sometimes that’s all you do …is recognize, “it is what it is.” 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 is the number if you want to be a part of the show. Have you been doing this a long time? How are you feeling? We're going to talk about this a little bit more. This is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg. I'm so glad you're with us. Don't go away. We'll be right back. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg, and this is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. And we're glad to have you with us. 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show. We may be having a little bit of software problem there on the phone line, so bear with us if you can't get through. We'll do the best we can and muddle through it. How about those apples? You can also follow along on Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook and we’re streaming the show, and you can follow along from there. I want to go back to this topic, though, that I was addressing here of how to engage with the caregiver. What does that look like? And I go back to this pastor that sat there and watched me. You know, like I said, he didn't chase after the hospital gurney with Gracie on it as it was going to critical care after she coded. They had a whole team of people doing that. He just locked eyes with me, he just zeroed in on me, put his hand on my shoulder and didn't feel the need to say a lot of things. There's not a lot of things you can say. You know, and I think that's something that we as believers, it's counter-intuitive because we want to somehow just come in there and get some soap and water and clean up God's hands because he's obviously made a mess. And I just think that's bad theology. And I think that we have, as a culture of Christians, been the recipient of a lot of bad theology for a long time, somehow confusing the American dream with the Christian walk. What we talk about on the show doesn't sell very well in that kind of culture because there's not a bailout for this. There's only fortitude strengthening, equipping and bearing one another's burdens. And you know this “name it and claim it” nonsense that's out there, and this “prosperity and wealth” and all that kind of stuff, you know, those are fine if that works for you, go ahead. I'm not here to just beat up on people about it but I'm talking to my fellow caregivers. And when you come, particularly you as clergy that are listening and hospital chaplains, military-- I've dealt with all these folks. And I think the ones that really have a handle on it that I've seen consistently as a group are the military chaplains. My dad was a military chaplain. And I've known a lot of them, and I have a very close friend of mine, a military chaplain that I talked with, every couple of days …and they understand that there's a war going on. And that ministering to people is not just simply saying, “hey, let's just you know, we're gonna pray real hard and squint your eyes real tight and this will all go away.” It doesn't work that way. And it's all about strengthening and being with people, that's what it is. And if we're not prepared to do that as believers, then what are we offering? And I go back and again, I looked at this pastor who just looked at me.   And if somebody asks, “Well, how do you minister to caregivers?” Here's how it starts. I'm gonna give you the vocabulary for this. You look at them, and you quietly say to them, and I mean when I say quietly, I mean quietly. You know, God bless my charismatic and Pentecostal brethren and “sistren,” but you don't go up and start prophesying over these people. You're going to scare them right off the cliff, and they're standing right on a cliff. Be cool, all right? Just be gentle and quiet. But the thing you want to do is you just look at them and you say, I see you, and I see the magnitude of what you carry, and I hurt with you. Start with that. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. You just see them. If you've somehow feel like you've got to go in there as a minister, …and we get a lot of ministers that call the show, and I'll take the time with them, but I'm hoping to instruct them a little bit because they don't cover this in seminary. I've talked to too many pastors, they don't have any clue about how to deal with this in seminary. They deal with episodic crisis, but not the long term where it just stretches on for decades, people don't know quite what to say, or do or function. And so what we're trying to do on this show is give a different vocabulary of what it looks like to speak into the suffering. And what you're going to find is if you can speak into the long-term suffering with wisdom and clarity and understanding and compassion, and good theology— then you're going to speak into the short-term stuff as well. See, when we're confronted with suffering, I've got this theory. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, you're going to cry out and you're going to react. Now, if you're alone, you may swear. If you're in front of other people, you may swear under your breath. If you're in front of a lot of other people, you may quote a scripture. That's funny by the way … Regardless, you're going to react. But as the pain subsides, the reaction stops. I mean, all of you, try to remember what it's like to stub your toe or hit your thumb or something, or you know, when you're walking barefoot to the house, and you hit it on a piece of furniture, — oh, I hate that. So, you get that [pain] but you're not still reacting. You can recall that it was uncomfortable, but you can't recall the sensation of pain. Try it. You can't. So, therefore, you're not continually reacting, and you'd be kind of nuts if you were because the pain is not there. It's gone. It subsided, time healed it. Time lessened it. Time minimized it with that particular episode. Eventually, the ink on the divorce paper dries. Eventually there's grass, over the grave. Time has a way of lessening that pain to the point where you're not reacting like it happened just at that moment You may carry the residual echo of it, and the grief of it and so forth and the consequences of it—but the actual shock of the moment it's gone. And speaking of shock, that's when it gets to be so much our bodies will go into shock to deal with that. Now, let me juxtapose that with chronic pain, chronic suffering, chronic heartache — that doesn't go away, the reaction never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, and you've got to deal with that reality in a different way. Now, when you're faced with trauma, go back, and some of you think about some of the trauma you've had in your life for the last, whatever, month, two weeks, a year. When you're faced with trauma, the reaction we have on an emotional level, is sometimes crying out: “Why God?” “How God?” “What are you doing God?” “What's up with that God?” And these are questions that actually go to the core of who we are as people of faith. And it questions the very essence of our faith when these moments happen. But as time moves on, the pain of that, the shock of that lessens. I remember as a collective nation when 9/11 hit, everybody-- We were seeing congress out there on the steps of the capital, they were singing “God Bless America.” They were just in shock and they were reaching out to God—they're struggling with God. Well, look how much we’ve forgotten. I mean, we’re not only failing to reaching out to God as a collective nation, we've got people running for president that are just downright hostile to the people of God. It didn't last long, did it? We put those [“WHY”] questions away after the shock is faded because we're moving on. But when the shot doesn't fade, we got to deal with those questions. When the shock comes back from another episode, we're going to haul those questions back out, and we're going to struggle with that. We're going to somehow try to make sense of God's plan. But we never really do. Because sometimes the things of God that are moving on this earth don't make sense and won't make sense. And in God's economy, it makes sense to God that Gracie doesn't have any legs. It makes sense to God that Gracie lives with pain all the time. It doesn’t make sense to me and I've asked all the questions. And people come up and they give me a platitude to say well, “God obviously has a purpose, or she wouldn't be here.”   Well, thank you, Captain Obvious! How useless is that piece of information to me!?   Or they'll come up and say, you know, “Well look at the testimony you guys have or the ministry you have.” Really? You think I'm that noble? You think Grace is that noble? Yeah, we have a ministry to her fellow amputees in Africa that wouldn't have happened from all this stuff. But we're not that noble. She would rather have a pain free, able-bodied existence. Those [platitudes] are not helpful. That's us just trying to fill up air with words that make sense to us. That's not what this is about. What we have to do as believers is learn to be able to speak the clarity of the Gospel in this, and sometimes, that doesn't involve words. Sometimes it’s just like this pastor who put his hand on my shoulder, looked at me and didn't say a word. But I knew that I was being cared for. I knew that I was being comforted. I knew I was being shepherded. He [God] never said he's going to take this stuff away from us. He never said that we're not going to have these things. He said, He'll be with us. And that pastor friend of mine, his name is Larry. He was simply with me. This is why I do the show. I want you to have the same care that I got. Larry can't be all over the country, so I'm trying to take what he gave me …which he got from God, and just give it to you in the best way that I can —to let you know that you are not alone. And you do not have to endure this alone. And I'm not going to try to explain it, but I'm going to speak to you. This is what we do as believers. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and we'll be right back. [singing] That is Gracie and Joni Eareckson Tada singing Because He Lives. Isn’t that great? I just-- boy, she can really sing and she's got a CD coming out here very very shortly we're working on feverishly finishing this up. you can get a preview a lot of those things at our website at HopefortheCaregiver.com. Just click on the music tab and you can get some of these things, some of the singles from there digitally right now, and you can get that duet. There's another one she did with Russ Taff that you’ll love, and just all kinds of stuff out there at HopefortheCaregiver.com, and the name of the book is Hope for the Caregiver. My newest book is Seven Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them. And we talked about that a lot here because there's so many these little landmines out here that we hit as caregivers. I've hit every one of them, that's why I look the way I look. And don't let this happen to somebody you love. I mean, I am the crash test dummy of caregivers. If you can fail at it, I failed it, but you don't have to. All right? You don't have to. And this is why I do the show because I've had ample time to make so many mistakes on this thing, and that I've learned, the hard way, where some of these pitfalls are for us as caregivers—and for those who want to minister to caregivers. And what I'm hoping I can do is I can give vocabulary to my fellow caregivers on what help looks like and inspire them to ask for that help and receive that help. And then I also want to give vocabulary to people who want to minister to caregivers, particularly clergy, so that they don't come up and just give platitudes or try to somehow explain this thing away. That we are somehow able to better equip each other to endure with this. You know, if you go back and look at scripture, there’re so many phrases about endurance, perseverance, steadfastness, “stay strong”, “don't be afraid.” All those kinds of things in there, “It's going somewhere.” “This is going somewhere.” God is taking us somewhere on this. The question is, do we trust him? Do we trust him when our wife goes into respiratory risk? Do we trust him when we watch a family with special needs, I was at the prosthetist yesterday with my wife getting her legs worked on, and a lady showed up with her child that had orthotics’ need.  A lot of prosthetists, you know, you have prosthetics and orthotics in the same place. Now for those of you who don't know what all this is that live in McDuncan, for example, Prosthetics are devices to help you to replace something that was taken from you. For example, a prosthetic limb, a prosthetic nose, a prosthetic breast, whatever you've lost …there are prostheses that are made for this. Orthotics are things to help you better stabilize what you have, for example, a back brace, a neck brace or children born with misshapen feet, club feet, that kind of stuff. Those are orthotics. And there was a very, very, very severely disabled child that this woman was bringing in and she was with this-- and she had lost several-- She keeps adopting special needs children and cares for them. She has this massive van that she brings them in and just loves upon these kids. And you know, there's… what are you going to say? What are you going to say? This individual who keeps pouring her life into these kids and precious children who are dealing with her horrific afflictions. And when you see things like this, it automatically pricks something in your heart to start asking questions of the Almighty. I've said this for years that when Gracie walks into a room, she creates a theological conversation —and she hasn’t even said anything! Because here's this beautiful woman with this just amazing attitude, and everything else that she has —and she's severely disabled. She's using two canes. She's got two prosthetic legs, the canes are for her back, not for her legs, the legs are fine. The prostheses are fine. It's just that her back is so trashed from all the surgeries and all the injuries and so forth. And yet, she gets up and sings at church and does all the things she does. She put out a record, she goes to Africa, and helps her fellow amputees, and it creates some kind of theological issue. There's “Okay, why would God allow such a thing?” “Why would God allow such a thing?” Gracie hadn’t even said a word and people start asking that question in their hearts and in their minds, and then they want to try to somehow answer it and figure that out. And what I'm hoping that you'll get out of this particular show is that you don't have to figure this thing out. You don't have to explain why God does this. And even if you knew why God does this, is it going to make all of us slap our foreheads and say, “wow, makes me feel better?” All right? We do not have to know why. The only solace for us, the only comfort, the only strength, the only reality for us is to know “Who.” And as long as you keep spending a lot of time trying to figure it out for yourself and figure it out for others, you're going to end up frustrating yourself and causing damage for others. That is something that really needs to stop. As caregivers, we can't withstand that kind of onslaught from believers who want to come and constantly try to figure this thing out for us. We just can't do it— it's mind-numbingly frustrating for us. And so a lot of people just stop going to church and stop dealing with it because they don't feel like having people work out their salvation on them. I've had people do that to me. It makes me fighting mad. I mean, to the point of just spitting mad. “If you had enough faith,” or this or this or whatever, all that just makes me mad. But I have to just keep those people arm's length because they're just hot messes as far as I'm concerned. I don't have time for their craziness. And they're not going to be in there trying to somehow take care of Gracie. They just want to parachute in and somehow say, “Well okay. Here's what we think.”   And I'm like, “Why do I care what you think?” You’re tracking with me on this? We don't have to wash God's hands. We don't have to clean up behind him. And so many Christians are just convinced that they do. They just have to explain it so it makes sense to people. It is what it is. And as long as we are somehow trying to make sense of things that we are not equipped to be able to make sense of, we're going to live in frustration. But when we accept what is —and understand our role in this, that's where we can live in a calmer, more peaceful, and even more joyful place. And that's our journey as believers. This is our biblical task. And again, we've just been the recipient of so much bad theology. I mean, just so much. And I hate that for me, I hate that for you as a caregiver, but I am trying to do something about it. And let you know that the gospel …the good news of the gospel… is not that “this is all going to be taken away from us today and we're going to feel happy, happy, happy all the time, time, time.” The good news of the gospel is there's a victory that's already been won, and we trust him as we walk through this stuff! That's the gospel! The victory is already done and it had nothing to do with you and me. The only thing we can bring to salvation, I think Chesterton said this, the only thing we can bring to salvation is our sin. That's all we got to offer. Bill Gaither said, “Something beautiful, something good, all my confusion, he understood. All I had to offer him was brokenness and strife, but he made something beautiful in my life.” Do you believe that? Is that important to you? Is that in any way reassuring to you? Are you engaged in that particular mindset where you're realizing that wait a minute, this isn't about me in this sense, this is about God and what he's doing? Do I trust him in this? And if I do trust him, why? Why am I trusting him? How do I know that I can trust him? See, that's a better question. How do you know that you can trust this Savior while you're watching a loved one deteriorate, while you're watching someone suffer, while you're watching an addict or an alcoholic in your life spiraling around the drain, while you're watching your wife code with respiratory arrest like I did that day …that I mentioned earlier, while you're watching a train wreck of a life, or this woman yesterday that I saw that was taking care of this special needs child that was in just bad shape? How do you know that you can trust him with these things? And that's where the cross comes in. That's where the scars that He carries mean more than the scars that you carry. See, my wife has a lot of scars. She's got a lot of scars. She was very, very banged up in this wreck. One of the residents later told her prosthetist she had 200 breaks-- they stopped counting at 200 breaks, a lot of scars, but those scars are not permanent. One day she’s not going to have scars. But His scars, now those are permanent, and one day we're gonna see those scars. And his scars that are eternal …means something for eternity. That's the Gospel. That's how we know we can trust him in this. How does that sound? This is Hope for the Caregiver, we'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time, my questions changed and I discovered the courage to trust God. That understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana in West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please, visit StandingWithHope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's StandingWithHope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope.   Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger, and this is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver, for those of you who are putting yourself between a vulnerable loved one and worst disaster. And it could be a special needs child, it could be somebody with trauma, traumatic brain injury, somebody with addiction issues, alcoholism, all kinds of stuff that are out there. Whatever the impairment and they are usually chronic impairments, there's a caregiver. There's somebody orbiting that individual, mental illness, whatever. It doesn't matter the impairment, there's always a caregiver. And sometimes the caregivers have thrown their hands up or they're exasperated, they're swearing under their breath or they're dealing with depression themselves. They're dealing with all kinds of resentment or whatever. And that's one of the things that I do on the show when I asked every caller, “How are you feeling?” Because I want to get to how you're doing. I don't want to know how your loved ones doing. Okay, that's not cold. That's not mean. That's just not the purpose of this show.   The purpose of this show is to talk to you, and I’m really passionate about helping caregivers learn to speak in their own voice. Too many of us don't. I can't tell you how many calls I've had on this show where I asked them how they're doing and they start rattling off their loved one’s chart. We can all rattle off our loved ones’ chart, man, we do that.! You know, we're experts at that. How about rattling off your chart, how about talking about how you're doing? I have found and it is my experience and I've been doing this for a long time, that when caregivers start speaking in first person singular about how they feel, that's when the tears come. That's when the stammering comes, that's when the heartache spills out of them. They can get real clinical about a loved one. But when it comes to talking about how they feel, and what's going on with them, that's where it gets a little bit ugly and bloody. And that's okay. That's why I do the show. We've got lots of mops and Lysol wipes. God has an entire broom closet, just for us for our messy hearts. Because if we're not being real with it, all we're doing is living in some kind of level of denial, and we're pushing ourselves to the breaking point to not being able to function in a healthy manner. It is what it is. He knows it, you know it. Now let's talk about it. Let's get it out there. Let's deal with it. And let's not try to somehow put it in nice tidy packages. We don't have to wrap this stuff up. We just don't, we don't have to make it more presentable to other people, and I don't have to make other people more comfortable with my situation. I'm not there to ease their burden. I don't necessarily have to inflict it on them, but if they're going to come up close to me, they need to understand it's going to cost them something. If people want to be in a relationship with Gracie, it's going to cost them something because it is painful to walk with her through these things. And those of you who know her that are listening, and I've got a lot of folks on Facebook and so forth that are watching, listening, they'll know it is painful to get up close to Gracie. A lot of people like to admire her from the stage when she's performing and all that kind of stuff, but it's a whole different matter when you're helping her take her legs off and she's in a wheelchair, and she's struggling and she's hurting and she can't even hardly see straight, she's in so much pain after the event. If you're going to be in a relationship with me, you need to understand that my life is intense. Now, I'm not going to inflict it on you but don't come up next to me and just parachute in and think you can just drop these little pearls that somehow you figured out. This is what I'm trying to help people understand when it comes to caregivers, and too many people that fill our pulpits, this is what they do to those of us who caregive. They found a verse somewhere in Zephaniah or something, and they think, oh, wow, man, I got it. And I'm going to go there and just deposit this on this suffering individual and I’ll feel better about my ministry. And we're over there thinking, “Really?” “Thank you very much[sarcastically]!” If you want to minister to a caregiver, be prepared to weep. If you want to minister to a caregiver, be prepared to groan. And if you want to minister to a caregiver, be prepared that it's going to cost you something spiritually. You're going to have to wrestle with God and your theology is going to change.  I'm convinced, I am convinced of this, that if you want to have any kind of effective Kingdom ministry in this world, you're either going to suffer or you're going to have to touch a lot of people who do. If you are not personally dealing with this, then you're going to have to be willing and actually touch people that do. And the more you insulate yourself from suffering, the less effective your Kingdom ministry will be on this earth. I'm convinced to that. If you disagree with it, that’s all right, you could be wrong too. I remember a great quote I heard from Franklin Graham when talking about Samaritan's Purse.  He said this is not the kind of ministry that you can run from behind the desk. You have to get out and smell it. And suffering and poverty and anguish has its own smell. If you don't believe me, you haven't touched it. It costs you something to minister to people, and that's why we should not go into this lightly. Paul says this, don't do this lightly. And so for you, clergy, you military chaplains, you hospital chaplains, you lay leaders, you people who want to do this, be prepared to not try to figure this thing out. Just walk with them. Just stand with them. Just sit with them. Just let them know that you see them. I remember one of the greatest gifts that I've gotten as a caregiver. Gracie was in the hospital yet again. I mean, when you've had many surgeries as she has …we spent a long time at the hospital. Kids were with grandparents, and I came home to get some clean laundry for her. Gowns and so forth. And I was heading back up to the hospital, and some friends called me and said, “Stop by the house. It's on the way, you stop by here we got something for you.” So, I swung by their home and I walked in and they pointed me to their kitchen table, I can still see it. And there was a hot bowl of vegetable beef soup, one of my favorites, and a big ol’ piece of cornbread and a glass of tea. And they said, “Your kids are safe, Gracie’s safe, you sit down here, you have the soup and cornbread we're going to stand over you, and you're going to be safe.” That's how you minister to a caregiver. It’s not exotic, it’s not some kind of “send me on a big cruise or anything.” Sometimes it's just a bowl of soup, and a quiet kitchen table to gather my thoughts …and to know that I'm safe. Do you feel safe today as a caregiver? Do you feel safe going to church? Do you pastors, do you create an environment where people can come in with trauma and feel safe in your church? If not, why not? What are you doing? Can somebody bring their special needs child into your church that makes all kinds of bodily noises and whatever or looks grotesque on any given day, and do they feel safe to do it? If not, explain yourself. Explain your ministry. Don't just go with your opinion …go on and verify it. Luke 14, “go out to the highways and the byways and get them in, bring in the blind, the lame, the afflicted.” (Luke 14:21-23) See how well they do. See how well your people receive them. Because if your church is not receiving these kinds of people, then what are you preaching? What are you teaching? People say well, “I feel uncomfortable.” I don't care. Imagine how they feel. If you feel uncomfortable around their suffering, what does that say about your theology? What does that say about you? I mean, in all fairness, it is uncomfortable to be around it, but that's what we're called to do. And so as we feel uncomfortable about it, that's how we trust him more in it. Honestly, this ain't brain surgery. Do you believe what you preach or not or what are you preaching? Do you believe what scripture says or not? People are suffering. People are bleeding, people are dying, people are hurting. And we as the church, have the hope of the Gospel, and what are we doing with it? Look at our country. It's a train wreck. Where's the church? What are we saying? What are we doing? This is what Hope for the Caregiver looks like … is that we can speak with clarity the gospel into this, that people can live a calmer, healthier and more joyful life even while suffering. Scripture is full of this of saying that very thing. Paul and Silas beaten in prison and they were singing hymns to God. How about you? HopefortheCaregiver.com. If you like what you're hearing on this show, help us do it more go out to HopefortheCaregiver.com today, right now go and take a look at it. We'll see you next week. Brought to you by Standing With Hope

October is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and my long time friends Greg and Aaron Tornquist called the show on Sirius XM Family Talk 131 to discuss their journey. Aaron (41) has down syndrome, is a serious bowler, works, and is an Elvis Tribute Artist.   His father, Greg, has a lengthy music/performance history and his new project, Mississippi The Musical. (it just won "Best of the Fest" in the New York Musical Festival.  https://www.mississippithemusical.com/ Greg beautifully models a creative life as a caregiver and shares about his journey as a single dad with Aaron.  Also in the show, another Nashville writer , Lisa Dale Daniels, calls in to share her journey in caring for her famous songwriter mother ...and learning to carve out her own identity as a writer.  Writers Write ...Even While Caregiving. Especially while caregiving.  The show is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.    

Caller to the show shared her journey with her husband who was born with a congenital heart condition.  Often referred to as a "backwards heart" Chrissy discusses her journey of acceptance to what is hers ...and not hers ...to carry.  I shared with Chrissy, about a friend of ours with the same condition ...and that I've come to see that her husband's condition is a metaphor for what we all deal with as sinners, but the Gospel remakes our hearts.  Her husband's condition weighs heavy on her, but as she trusts God with her husband's heart, she's also learning to trust God with her own heart.  "Transposition of the great arteries is a serious but rare heart defect present at birth (congenital), in which the two main arteries leaving the heart are reversed (transposed). The condition is also called dextro-transposition of the great arteries. A rarer type of this condition is called levo-transposition of the great arteries." - Mayo Clinic The show is LIVE, and the calls just come. Without scripts, we speak to caregivers ...and those around them ...who struggle.  YOUR support helps us equip them to continue, "Standing With Hope." With Gratitude,  Peter and Gracie Rosenberger Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE

Broadcasting on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel, this is HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER with Peter Rosenberger.  This episode drills down on the need of caregivers to seek medical attention for themselves. 72% of family caregivers fail to see their own doctors. How is THAT helpful? Caregivers not seeking medical attention for themselves is one of the 7 Caregiver Landmines from my book.  In addition, we had John Butler, "The Count of Mighty Disco" and also went to the phones to take calls.  Join us LIVE each Sunday evening at 6 PM Eastern for this live show.    Do you find this show meaningful?  Let us know by helping support it through STANDING WITH HOPE 

"It's a very short step from 'I don't want to live like that' to 'No one should live like that.' We need more protection for people." - Nancy Valko (www.nancyvalko.com) Palliative and Hospice care continue to confuse so many caregivers. While some programs offer amazing and beneficial services to families, others seem to be detrimental. Involving the Govt. seems to give a stamp of approval of something ...but is it what it says it is?How can we know? Nancy Valko called HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) to discuss this.    Transcript of the Show: [Music] Peter:             Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver, here on the family talk channel Sirius XM 131. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. For those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. Somebody who is back and forth to the hospital. Back and forth the doctor's office. Stayed up late at night doing the laundry. Working with special needs children. Taking care of an aging parent. Has an addict or alcoholic in their life. Traumatic brain injury. There’re all kinds of different impairments, and wherever there's a chronic impairment, guess what? There's caregiver. How do you help the caregiver? What does it look like to help the caregiver? Why should you help the caregiver? There are 39,480 hours of programming every week on Sirius XM, but this is the one hour that is dedicated to the family caregivers. I'm really glad you're here with us. I'm really glad that Family Talk is doing this show, because there are 65 million people out there right now serving as a family caregiver. Actually, I think that's a low number. 65 million people who are doing this, and they're doing it without pay. You’ve heard a lot about the deficit we have with China every year. Well, guess what? That's $500 billion. That's how much unpaid labor that caregivers are providing every single year. Think about that. They're doing it all the time. I mean, nobody's making them do it, they get up and do it for someone. Sometimes we do it begrudgingly, sometimes we do it swearing under our breath, sometimes we do it with tears flowing down our face, but we still do it. How are you feeling? If this is where you are, you’ve got an aging parent, or you got a child with special needs or you've got a family member or loved one that you are watching suffer and struggle, and all these kinds of things, and you're standing between them and a cliff. How are you holding up? That's what the show is for. If you want to be a part of the show, 877-655-6755, 877-655-6755. We are live, and we're thrilled to have you along with us. Speaking along with us, here's the long guy, he's the tall man. He's the man who's never seen a sunset, he's so tall. He is the baron of the board, the Sultan of the sound, the earl of engineering, the man who put the word care on the carry-on luggage. He is John Butler, the Count of Mighty Disco! [Music] John:              Hey Peter, how you doing today? Peter:             I'm just precious. It is a spectacular day. We got a very, very intense show lined up John. John:              Do we now? Does it involve carry-on luggage? Because I'm not checking these bags. Man, I’m not paying for that. Peter:             Not checking these bags. Peter:             Well, I've got a very special guest on, and I'm going to give her as much time as she wants to take. I don't do this often, but I was requested to do this specifically by my wife. It's my show, so I'm going to do what Gracie wants me to do. John:              Because you're a wise and good individual. Peter:             This is a very important topic that I have struggled with, and I am not alone in this as a caregiver, and we hear a lot of stuff coming at us, and we don't know where solid ground is sometimes. We're going to talk about palliative care, hospice care, the new bill that's up in front of the Senate, when's it right to die; all those kinds of things that are being thrown at us as caregivers as we go into this world, and it's hard to know kind of where solid footing is. So, I've got a very, very, very special guest on, who has a lengthy amount of experience on this. I'm just going to introduce her right now. Her name is Nancy Valko. Nancy has been working as a critical care, hospice home health, oncology, dialysis and other specialties as a nurse for 45 years. She is now working as a Legal Nurse Consultant. She also cared for her mother that Alzheimer's who passed away with terminal cancer, as well as her daughter, who also passed away - she had Down syndrome. Nancy's got some real understanding of the caregiving world, both professionally and personally, and so I wanted to spend a lot of time with her today and let's talk about these things that are going on, particularly this new bill that's in front of the Senate. Nancy, how are you feeling? You with me? Nancy:            I’m just fine. Yes, I’m right here. Peter:             Thank you for being here. Let's jump right into this. Can you give me a glossary of some of these terms that we're throwing about here; hospice, and palliative and all this stuff, just kind of run us through it. Because some people have been in this world for a while, some people are just now getting into this world, and we don't necessarily know these things. So, I think these are all important things for us to know as caregivers. I would imagine you would agree with that? Nancy:            Absolutely, and it wasn't until like I said, I'm not a volunteer in all of this. I'm a drafty. I graduated from nursing school 50 years ago, the next month, we're celebrating our 50th year, and I've seen things change. I grew up in the golden age of nursing as I call it. In medicine, we Marcus Welby, M.D. For those of you who are older like I am, you might remember that Medical Center and there were all these wonderful doctors, and I wanted to be a nurse so badly, and I did achieve my dream. I was on my favorite job, what is now a level one trauma, working with the hardest of the hardest, and we took care of people. Our ethics were very simple; we did not harm a patient, we would do nothing to hasten dying, everything was understood. It was not a big deal. I saw things start to change. What really got me was when I had my daughter, Karen, in 1982. Now, that was the year that we had the Baby Doe case. That was a little boy born with Down syndrome, who had a small hole between his food pipe and his windpipe. Then not an uncommon birth defect and routinely taken care of and the baby can eat and drink. However, in this case, the parents refused the surgery. They said their obstetrician told them that Down’s kids were just nothing more than blobs. The pediatricians were very upset, and they went to a judge and like would normally happen, expected the judge to say, “Yes, he must have the surgery.” But this was a watershed case, and got national attention. The judge ruled for the parents saying that they had a right to make any decision of treatment or non-treatment they wanted to. The case was being taken up the line, appeal to different courts and lawyers were actually flying to the US Supreme Court and emergency when the little boy died. He died of starvation and dehydration at a week old. We had heard about that. My husband was a doctor, and of course, I was a nurse. We had to Children, and I was expecting a third. We heard about it. We were just outraged. We said, “Well, we'll adopt the baby.” The parents refused all offers of adoption. They didn't want their other children to know there was a brother out there. I was so upset by him. We said, “What happened to ethics?” I had been out for a while working with my children and volunteering at church and other places, and I was so upset about it. Someone said, “Well, what would you do?” And I said, “Well, of course, I'd operate.” She said, “You don't know, and you can't say until you've been there.” Well, a couple months-- Peter:             Yeah, and now you’ve been there. Nancy:            Yep, a couple months after Baby Doe, I had my daughter Karen, and she had Down syndrome. What I was told at first was an inoperable heart defect, which was a shock. They said, “We'll take her home. We think she'll die in two weeks to two months, but you can come back for an appointment in three weeks.” I went home. This is the days before the internet. I got hold of the Down syndrome Association, I did research, I did all sorts of stuff, and by the time I went back to the doctor, he said, “Well, she looks pretty good.” I said, “Well, I've been researching this.” He did some tests, and he says, “Hey, she's got an 80 to 90% chance with one open heart surgery. It's not as bad as we thought.” But then he said, “But I'll do whatever you want.” I said, “Excuse me.” And I hope you decide not to do surgery. I let loose. I said, “This is discrimination against my daughter. She has to be treated as any other child would with the same heart condition. Her Down syndrome is irrelevant. If you can't do it, you can't be her doctor.” And he did say, “Oh, no, I'll do everything for her.” That's when I thought, “Oh my gosh,” When my daughter was admitted for different tests, I question every doctor and nurse that came in, and I found some really bad attitudes. One doctor, since my husband was a doctor, he said, “People like you shouldn't be saddled with a child like this.” They said, “Then who should?” One nurse was so bad. I slept under my baby's crib, because I just didn't trust her. My trust was gone. When she was four months old, she had to be admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. That's when I found out what choice really means. I was tipped off by somebody at the hospital that I worked at. He told me that my daughter was made a Do Not Resuscitate against my express wishes, and didn't tell me. I was stunned. I said, “Why?” They said, “Because she says you are quote too emotionally involved with that retarded baby.” That's when I knew that choice could so easily turn into no choice. Unfortunately, we did lose her despite all care when she was five and a half months old, but the head of Cardiology at the Children's Hospital started Down syndrome clinic. I got very involved with the Down syndrome Association, worked with the Reagan Administration on Baby Doe Reg talks all over trying to get help for these children. We wanted something up there that these children have a right to be treated; any child with a disability. I started researching; how in the world do we get to this point? I said-- Peter:             Let me cut in real quick. For those who just joined, we're talking with Nancy Valko. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We're talking about some ethics issues that are facing us right now as a society, and it particularly affects us as caregivers. Let's fast forward from the Baby Doe to Governor of Virginia. We're still dealing with the same subject matter here that's going on behind the scenes. This is what Nancy's addressing. By the way, if you want to weigh in on this, the number is 877-655-6755. 877-655-6755. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Nancy, I'm sorry to interrupt on that, but every so often, I just want to let people know kind of what's going on, because we have people joining in and out that kind of thing. Nancy:            Okay, thank you. That’s fine, because I started seeing things, and my husband unfortunately, became very ill and I was supporting the family. I went back to nursing in the 80s. I was surprised to find out it was more business oriented than anything else, and it was quite different. I also saw how the ethics are changing. One thing I learned, that the year I graduated from nursing school was the year a lawyer called Lewis Kutner up in Chicago, published an article called Due Process of Euthanasia; The Living Will a Proposal. I went, “Oh my goodness.” I started looking into it, and what am I state of Missouri, they were talking about having a living will. I talked to the people who are going to be pushing it. I said, “This is a problem, and they're actually taking feeding tubes out of brain injured people in the East. Paul, Brophy and Claire Comrie,” and they said, “Oh well, but this is only for people who actually dying.” I said, “It doesn't say that.” That's one thing I've learned and why actually got into-- Peter:             Nancy, let me cut it there. One of the things I've always thought about that particular phrase, we're all dying. None of us is getting out of this thing alive here, and the mortality rate still at 100%. I've always struggled with that, “Well, they've only got six months.” And so why six months? Why is it not “seven months and three days” that kind of thing? Why do they always round it off to numbers that make sense to people, as opposed to factual data? That's always surprised me. “This is only for people who are dying.” Well, show me somebody who isn't. Nancy:            Six months is an educated guess. When I worked in hospice, we would discharge about 15% of our patients, because they live longer. Then we had palliative care, which at the time, and I was doing home health and hospice, we could then keep the patients longer and take care of them, which was great. Because they still needed home health. I thought this was-- Peter:             I'm sorry, I keep jumping in on you, Nancy. I like to explain some things, because I don't want to assume that everybody's tracking with us. Palliative care, what is that before we go any further, what is that? Nancy:            That's what we thought. When I worked in oncology, and worked in hospice, there were palliative treatments, and particularly in oncology. That might be the easiest way to explain it. It's supposedly to help distressing symptoms, to relieve terrible symptoms, give help to the person and all, but in those days, we didn't have palliative care physicians per se. Instead of someone had a lot of pain, we call it a pain specialist. If they had trouble breathing, or they had a psychological problem, we would call on the experts for that. The palliative care thing really didn't start until later, which is why this has been a problem. Because with the living will that started and the six months, which is an educated guess anyway, became, well, just terminally ill. Now in Oregon, which just passed the first assisted suicide bill, they've always said, “We have stringent protections, including, there has to be a 15-day waiting period and all that.” They've gotten rid of that already. That's what's happened with all of it. It went from the living will to taking food and water from people with brain injuries. We saw this here in Missouri. Even though the right to die people, which is what the euthanasia Society of America eventually became, they said, with the living will, “Oh no, we're not talking about taking away food and water.” And once it passed, they introduced another bill and said, “Don't use the first one, and it would allow the family members even to make that decision.” Peter:             Let me go back to Oregon for a minute. Give me a quick definition of the word palliative care. What does that mean? Nancy:            Basically, the relief of the distressing symptoms, and taking care of the whole person. Like as in hospice, in Cicely Saunders started that, is caring for the whole person physically, emotionally, psychologically, making death. We never hasten to cause death, but we wanted to take it as the whole process, and these people will be supported in every possible way, and that was-- Peter:             Last year in August, a 28-year old woman shot and killed her special needs child, and then turn the gun on herself, but she was unsuccessful at killing herself, and then she was charged with homicide, I believe. How does that reconcile with what you're telling me and all these other things? Why would they charge her if they're allowing it to go on in other areas? What’s the difference? Nancy:            Well, it’s not a medical person. When assisted suicide was passed, and when all the sudden we had living will that allowed food and water and everything else be taken away possibly in the future or any kind of tubes, everything changed. If you're not a medical person, then you go to court. The funny thing is though now, we've seen this here in Missouri, these cases are rarely prosecuted. Here in Missouri, we actually had a nurse who without a doctor's order overdose a patient who wouldn't stop breathing after a stroke when she was taken off a ventilator. She gave an overdose of morphine, and a sedative such as the pain of all, which were used too. Anyway, the woman died, and the nurse felt guilty and did say something to another nurse, who reported to administration who then sent it to the county prosecutor. But the son thought she had done a wonderful thing. It was merciful. His mother probably would never be the same again. The prosecutor for two years, I've written about it on my blog, for two years sat on it, and then finally decided to offer probation. The nursing board said, “Well, she's got this probation, and there was no other punishment for it.” She lost her job, and she was put on probation. When we don't enforce people killing people, we basically allowed it. I think case after case happening like that. A doctor in Holland recently tried to perform euthanasia on a patient was fighting him. They charged him. Well, it was only to make it feel a little harder, because they said, “Oh, no, that's okay.” And they wouldn't convict him of anything-- Peter:             But a man in Montreal earlier this year was sentenced to five years for smothering his wife who had severe symptomatic of Alzheimer, and dimension, so forth and she was in bad, bad, bad shape. He reached the end of his rope and he smothered her, and then he gets five years in prison. Nancy:            It's entirely different. We had a case in Missouri where a family took their mom and was on the parent’s 50th wedding anniversary if I remember right, and she had a terminal illness. They went there and they gave her an overdose and she died. The prosecutor in this little small Missouri town, with operation wanted to prosecute, but there was so much pushback from the community. He said, “I couldn't get a jury to even hear it, and had to drop all the charges.” We are having de facto legalization. There are some cases where they do come down hard on someone, but all these laws about homicide, whatever, it shouldn't make a difference whether the person is terminally ill or black or white or whatever. You don't kill another human being, but what they have done, since the ethics changed, like this one nurse put it, she said it changed from do no harm to relieve all suffering. Things started coming in that we hadn't had before. In fact, a few years ago, I was almost fired for refusing to increase morphine drip on a man who was taken off the ventilator. They didn't quite know what was wrong with him, but they thought his brain was probably fried. There was no reason to think that, but that's what they thought, and I argued about that. When they took them off the ventilator, and he didn't stop breathing, that happens a lot. The doctor ordered a morphine drip. The nurse who gave me report said, “he said to increase it until the man stops breathing. With 30 milligrams right now.” I said, “I won't do it. That's euthanasia.” I went up the chain of command. I talked to the doctor who had done the original surgery says I don't want to get involved. I went to supervisors who said, “Well, that's a normal oncology dose.” I spent eight years in oncology. There's no such thing. This is ridiculous. I went up to supervisors everything, and I turned the morphine off. The nurse who said, “The doctor said to increase morphine until he stops breathing.” She said I covered your. I wrote morphine for comfort, no limit. I followed the order turn the morphine off. At the same time at another patient on a ventilator that was waking up. We took her taking her off sedation, we were going to wean off the ventilator the next day after her surgery, who had a lot of pain. I said, “Are you having pain?” She nodded. “Yes.” I said, “I'll call your doctor.” I said, “Sir, could I give her like one milligram of morphine IV? She's so uncomfortable.” And he said, “What are you trying to do? Kill her?” Both were equally stupid. Anyway, I tried to wake him up and as a respiratory therapist was all unhappy about it, too. They didn't even give him oxygen. They just popped him off the ventilator. I went home, and there was no other nurse to cover for me, but I absolutely refuse and let them all know what up the chain of command. I went home, two days later, I came back, and he was dead, which I figured would happen. Because a lot of people were mad about it. I was called in the office, and they said the doctor wants you fired. I said I did nothing wrong. They said, “Well, you're good nurse. How about if we just say we reprimanded you?” I said, “I will not accept that.” They said, “How about if we say we educated you on end of life issues?” I said, “I lecture on end of life issues. No.” And actually, I follow the order. He was not uncomfortable. So, there was no reason for him to have the morphine. They said, “We'll go home. We'll try to figure it out.” And some nurses got around our hospital. This was interesting. I figured I'd be harassed out of a job. I was a single parent with three children, so it was not an easy decision. Some nurses thought it was euthanasia, some thought I overreacted, it didn't make that big a difference, but on one floor, the nurses had similar case, and they came up and they said, “You made us think. We're so busy. We hadn't thought about it.” The doctor ordered an excessive dose of morphine on respiratory patient, and they knew why. Every nurse went to the doctor, and said, “Hell, no, we won't do it. You do it,” and he wouldn't do it. The man had a natural death. It's scary out there. I know-- Peter:             Well, I've been in a lot of situations in the hospital with Gracie through her 80 surgeries that I can count. She's been anesthetized more times than I know. My wife lives with extreme suffering. This is not a situation that we are unaware of. We have watched this, we've had lots of conversation with payments with specialist. So, this is why I wanted to tackle this today. Get into this, and we're going to come back after the break here at the bottom of the hour. We're going to deal with the new PCHETA bill that's been reintroduced to the Senate. I want you to talk about this. I want you to talk; why this is important, why do we as caregivers need to know this thing? I've said for a long time that we caregivers are sometimes all the standard between our vulnerable loved one and a cliff, and even worse disaster. Sometimes, sadly, that's happening right in our hospitals, and right in our hospices, and right in all these things. I've seen too many of these things. This is Hope for the Caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger. If you want to be a part of this conversation, the number is 877-655-6755. That's 877-655-6755. We talk with Nancy Valko, longtime nurse. Now, she's a legal consultant with nursing. This is her passion to talk about, and get the word out there. We as caregivers need to be aware, particularly, those of us who live with someone who suffers chronically like this. Okay. Hopeforthecaregiver.com 877-655-6755. We'll be right back. [Music] Peter:             Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walked for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization standing with Hope. When my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager, and she tried to save them for years, and it just wouldn't work out. Finally, she relinquished. I mean, thought, “Wow, this is it. I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that?” And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. That's what we've been doing now. Since 2005, was Standing with Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana. You can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there, you can designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with hope.com. Would you take a moment and go out to standing with hope.com and see how you can give, and they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com COMMERCIAL: As a caregiver, think about all the legal documents you need; power of attorney, a will, living wills and so many more. Then think about such things as disputes about medical bills. What if instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help, you paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life? Well, we're taking legal representation, and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full service coverage. Finally, you can live life knowing you have a lawyer in your back pocket who, at the same time, isn't emptying it. It's called legal shield. It's practical, affordable, and a must for family caregivers. Visit caregiverlegal.com. That's caregiverlegal.com. Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you? http://www.caregiver.legal.com, an independent associate. caregiverlegal.com STANDING WITH HOPE: GRACIE Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. In 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries, and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time, my questions changed, and I discovered courage to trust God.  That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana in West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies, and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with Hope A Healthier For You:           How do you feel? Is your body sluggish? How about your mind? What about sleeping? Is that difficult for you? When you had your last physical, what did you learn about your health? Should you lose weight? If you're like so many caregivers, those are hard questions. You didn't get here overnight, and you won't change it overnight, but there are steps you can take starting today. Find more information at ahealthierlifeforyou.com. That's ahealthierlifeforyou.com. [Music] Peter:             Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg, and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We're glad that you want to be on the show. It's 877-655-6755. 877-655-6755. I want to talk real quick before we get back to Nancy. I need some help. Gracie and I started Standing with Hope years and years ago. It was part of her outreach to reach her fellow amputees. We do prosthetic limbs for amputees over in West Africa. It's an extraordinary ministry. Standingwithhope.com. You've heard her ad here in the presenting sponsor of the show, but we collect used prosthetic limbs. They go to a local prison in Tennessee run by CORE CIVIC.  It's one of their many faith-based programs. The faith based programs are great, because that helps give a better foundation for inmates, so that they don't return. Recidivism is not a good thing for them to keep coming back. They have found that these faith based programs really do work. Inmates volunteer to work with us in this, and they disassemble used prosthetic limbs, so we can recycle parts from it. Not all of the things can be reused like the socket. That's molded specifically for that particular patient, but the knee, the pylon, the screws, the adapters, the connectors, the feet, the socks, the belts of it; all that kind of stuff can be recycled, and we do and then we purchase new materials send it all over there. Well, we need some. We're out. We got some special needs right now going on particularly with above knee amputees. Maybe you know somebody, maybe you run a funeral home, and the family member doesn't know what to do with the prosthetic limb of a loved one who passed away, do not let it collect dust. Send it to us. Go to standingwithhope.com, standingwithhope.com or says, “Just donate a used limb.” It’s right there on the front page, and get involved and help us get the word out there. Because those things are like gold to people who are waiting to be able to walk. Okay, you got you got to look at the pictures of what happens, the transformative journey they go on, and let's make sure that we can help as many people walk as possible. They go walking and leaping and praising God, and it's an extraordinary ministry. Alright, so we are back here with Nancy. 877-655-6755. If you want to be a part of the show, 877-655-6755. We are talking with Nancy Valko. She is a longtime nurse. 45 plus years in all types of nursing care; critical care, hospice, home health, oncology, dialysis, other things, but now she's a nurse legal consultant here. She's talking about bioethics, and what's going on in our culture. I think we were all just shocked when Governor Northern Virginia just let it out of the bag to special needs families, “Hey, if this child was born with severe, whatever, then we'll put the child aside, and we'll have a conversation decide what to do with.” We were all shocked to hear it so clinically done. I mean, it was just like so matter of fact, and yet when we keep sending that kind of message, and it's been going on for a long time, when caregivers get to the end of their rope, they are struggling. They don't know what to do. What does, putting mama wouldn't want to suffer kind of thing. So, we end up being the decision maker or being the influencer of the decision maker if our head space is not in a good space. That's why we're having this conversation here. I live with someone who suffers. 80 surgeries, both legs amputated, nonstop pain; all these things. A lot of people along the way thought it'd be just be merciful if she died for Gracie, but Gracie wants to live. That's what she just sang that song; rejoice evermore. I'm alive. Lift up my voice. Gracie is not only laugh, she is helping other people walk. She's got a new record coming out next fall. I mean, next month. She is very much alive. I had two children, now she's got two grandchildren, and yet it is contrary to what the world is offering. Next month I'm going to have a young man. Well, he's 40 years old now named Aaron with Down syndrome. He was on last year. He makes an appointment to come back every year Down syndrome awareness month in October. John:              I'm so glad to hear about that. I didn't know that was going to happen. Peter:             Aaron's coming back. Aaron is an Elvis tribute artist. John:              It’s no joke! Yeah, absolutely. Peter:             He is deeply into it. He’s loves to laugh. He lifts up his voice. Nancy is here today to help give us some understanding. So, when we go into these worlds, we need to be prepared. We need to be educated. We need to understand what's going on, and what we're going to be hit with, when we're dealing with somebody who's chronically suffering. If our headspace as a caregiver is not in a good space, then what are we offering to our loved one? I'm the loudest voice that Gracie hears most of the time. She would echo that with a lot of “Amens,” on multiple levels. John, I don't need any comments from you on that. John:              Of Course …nor stickers or guffaws. Peter:             If my voice is one of despair or critic criticizing or all doom and gloom, and all this kind of stuff, what's it going to do to her? If you-- John:              What other voices that does that allow into the space? I mean, because you're rather vulnerable, because you’re in this condition and you've got all of these sensible professionals around you, and they might not be acting in your best interests, so it’s up to you. Peter:             They may indeed not be, and they say, “Well just go ahead. We don't want them to suffer kind of thing.” Gracie is going to suffer for the rest of her life, but that doesn't mean she has a bad life. She's the first one to tell you, and she's the one that said, “I need for you to talk about this on the air today.” Okay, so I'm doing it, because I listened to my wife, John. Nancy, I'm just kind of bringing you back to that. Sorry about that a little bit detour there. Nancy:            He's absolutely right. My mother told me years ago, “I never want to be a burden on your children.” And she never was. I never tell my children that, because they thought I was a burden when they were teenagers, and I wasn't even sick. We've got to get rid of this idea first. That's why most people-- John:              Hey, wait a minute. Peter:             Now, you’ve gotten close to home now. Nancy:            That’s true when they have all the listings of why people do assisted suicide, this little records they keep on them in different states. That's one of the biggest things they have is a fear of being a burden on family or caregivers. With my mother, she always worried about that. Well, she wound up getting Alzheimer's, and then terminal cancer, and I was there. I was asked when she got Alzheimer's, “Are you going to feed her?” And I said, “Well, yeah,” I said, “She's not going to die of starvation and dehydration. Right now she gets up and goes to the refrigerator and eats ice cream out of the basket. Do you want me to tackler?” And they go, “No, of course not.” I said, “No, this is how it is.” That's how it was with my daughter. Because they offered to take everything off my daughter when she was critically ill. I said, “She will not die of starvation and dehydration. She will die of her condition.” She was comfortable. My mother was also comfortable, and we spoon fed her at the very end. She had a wonderful… we gave her palliative chemo and radiation to help with the pain, because of where it was located in her throat, and she had a beautiful death just the way she wanted, and we took care of the pain. The problem is, if we have the society for the right to die that I talked to you about before has morphed into something called Compassion and Choices, and it's like a business. They are the ones pushing assisted suicide laws everywhere. I spent a lot of my time going to different states and giving talks on this, but on their website, they say, “Well, if you are in a state that doesn't have it,” and this is what we nurses have been saying, there's other ways you can do it that are legal in any state. One is voluntary stopping of eating and drinking. They're working on advanced directives to stop even spoon feeding. If you have Alzheimer's, you can find a living will for that. They have terminal sedation, where they go, “We’ll make you comfortable.” And then they over sedate with whole food, water and critical medications. I've seen it happen. I fought this too; giving pain medicine, but over pain medicine. I do have on my website; things to look for when you have a loved one or a friend in the nursing home, which I've had, I know the medicines and all, and I've had too many people call me and they said, “Mom was real perky.” And they said, “Well, we'll just put her in here, maybe start some palliative, hospice care.” That's what they're calling this now. What happen is all of a sudden, “Mom wasn't that awake anymore, and she didn't want to eat.” and they go, “Well, she must be dying?” It was until later what they realized. I have tips on my blog for what to look for in that. Now with compassion and choices-- Peter:             Can you give us one of those tips just off the top of your head right now? Nancy:            Oh, things like most of them have to have care meetings and stuff. Make sure you're in there. Know what the medicines are. Know what the doctors. I ask all the doctors, “What's your position on assisted suicide?” That's a good bellwether, and you can educate people, but know what they're getting. I was going through these care meetings, I would ask constantly, “Okay, what are the PRNs? Is she getting anything as needed, any pain medicine or whatever?” I kept very close watch. I watched her-- Peter:             Nancy, you throw out a lot of information. Even though most of my audience that are caregivers understanding things, what's a PRN? Nancy:            That's an as-needed medication. Peter:             Okay, and so you go into these meetings, you're very aggressive and you are very educated, and you understand these things. A lot of people are in this role as caregivers for the first time, and they don't know these things. They don't know what to do. They don't know what to ask sometimes. We got to make it simple for them, and hopefully they can borrow a little courage from you. When I first started doing this with Gracie, whatever the doctor said that was gospel. Because I didn't want to question doctors. I was brought up to do that, and then I saw-- Nancy:            We all need to go over that. Peter:             I got over it. I remember one time, but the first time I did that, I stood up to an orthopedic surgeon. I mean, I was 26 years old. I was just a kid, and then it morphed into… I remember telling one doctor, I said, “Look,” and he was giving me all kinds of static, and I said, “Look, I've been taking care of her since she were in junior high school. Let's get it together here, buddy, and keep this in perspective. It doesn't hurt that I'm a second degree black belt,” but that didn't enter into the equation. The point is so many people in this, and they don't have that courage to do that. They don't have that wherewithal to do these things. I want to make this as simple for them as possible, so they have these care meetings. Can they shoe out the caregiver, can the caregiver be there? How do you make sure the caregiver can be there? Nancy:            I found when I took care of the woman who founded Doctors for Life, I was her medical power of attorney. I found out about, I asked them, and sometimes they kind of forget. I knew what it was. I said, “We need to have one.” I am very aggressive, and even as a nurse, I would take on the doctor sometimes when I felt it was absolutely necessary. This is why I wrote my blog. I've been writing for years. I was a reporter for the National Catholic register, I've written for women's magazines, I've written secular things, I've written journal papers, but I started my blog, and it's called A Nurses Perspective on Life, Healthcare and Ethics. The reason I did it is I wanted to tell people what was going on, and what to look for. It's like, “I have six things you must know about physician assisted suicide,” Because when I travel, I talked to legislators. They haven't read their bills. They don't know that the doctor gets complete immunity, and that the death certificate must be falsified for privacy, but it's actually so nobody knows, and it has no coverage, no documentation of what happened, except that they got this prescription, the doctor doesn't have to be there and usually isn't. If there's a complication, isn't reported many times, there's just a lot with it and legislators go, “You're kidding me.” We have to understand that legislators, sometimes they're not lawyers, and they depend on lobbyists to talk to them passionate choice, but very, very-- Peter:             Don't get me started on what legislators are-- Nancy:            But they do. They come back again and again. I've been in Massachusetts, in Maryland and recently and they're coming back again this year to try to get it through. They have even, and there was a bill that was defeated in Delaware, where they put assisted suicide as a palliative care option. This is the problem. All this terminal sedation, stopping at eating and drinking or spoon feeding and extra medicine, is called palliative comfort or even routine hospice care for such patients. You have to make sure, if you've got somebody in hospice or a nursing home, and I know good hospice, I was actually asked to be the director of a hospice, but I didn't. Because I saw what happened. It went from game Cicely Saunders thing of we never hasten or cause death to the patient’s choice. Everything was the patient’s choice, autonomy. That's when ethics changed. I couldn't take it, because I saw where it was going, and I knew I would be getting into trouble. Peter:             Let me back up, because we got to cover one thing. On that particular issue, the patient’s choice, if the patient is in a state of despair, and they don't have anybody around them speaking life to them, then of course, their choice is going to reflect that. This-- Nancy:            That doesn't even cover it. I worked on a bill here and in Missouri, but what happens is, is now hospitals, many of them do, we found this happen in Missouri, have medical futility guidelines. Some of them are secret. What happens is sometimes everybody thought when, “Oh, well you have a right. The family can make this decision if somebody's unconscious.” They found out some families who aren't making quote “the right decision”, so they overruled them. We now have a law in Missouri to make sure that parents of kids with disabilities are notified if they want to put a Do Not Resuscitate or comfort feedings on their baby. We had to fight for five years in the Missouri legislature before we got a pass this year. A couple that were nice enough not to sue instead said there ought to be a law. Beside themselves, they didn't know why their baby wasn't being treated when he started going bad, and found out he was on comfort feedings, and he'd been made a Do Not Resuscitate without their knowledge. We're trying to say, “Stop that for everybody.” So, sometimes, like I found with my daughter, Karen, when I said, “I want everything done.” My pediatrician went behind my back and made her Do Not Resuscitate unnecessarily. This is what's scary, but Compassion and Choices has been pushing assisted suicide, and all of this, and with Carrie, you have to understand. I'm spokesperson for the National Association of Prolife Nurses. We're a group of nurses. We strive to seriously care for our disabled, terminally ill, any patient with the compassion and that very highest of ethical standards. We applaud that with medical innovations and supportive care options that can help our patients and family attain the highest quality of life possible. However, with this palliative care, Bill, compassion and choice-- Peter:             Wait, wait, this is the one in Missouri right? Nancy:            No, this is the one in the US Congress right now. Peter:             This is the PCHETA bill. Nancy:            Yeah, it’s the-- Peter:             We only got a few minutes. I need you to really hammer down on this one. Exactly what it is that you want us to know about this? What is it called First off? Nancy:            It’s called the palliative care hospice education and training. It was brought up supported by Compassion and Choices, who have said they have a mission statements, and we employ educational training programs, and that they wanted their federal policy a general established federal payment for palliative care consultations by train palliative care specialist, who will advocate and support the values and choices of the patient. Well, this is why we consider this bill so bad. Because what it is, is all about training these people, and making them good. The problem is-- Peter:             Who's sponsoring this bill? Nancy:            Well, they've got several sponsors, and it was done as, “Oh, we want to make palliative care available to everybody, and we need to train people.” However, there is not the need for that. One of our people went into it and it will cost like at least $86 million. Nothing goes to the patients. It's to promote education. It gives federal grants to all these groups say, “Oh, we want to have a training program.” The problem is the federal funding, and what we're afraid of will teach and institutionalize the unethical practices, including assisted suicide without sufficient oversight, penalties or safeguards. The first bill when it came out, it was stopped, but then Compassion and Choices backed off when they put a thing in there that federal funding could be removed for objectionable practices furnished for the purpose of causing or assisting a patient's death for any reason such as assisted suicide. However, that was an old clause that actually said this does not apply to withdrawal of other treatment or feeding tubes. That's not good. Some of the biggest and most influential hospice and palliative care doctors are not good. One of them is Dr. Timothy Quill. He's a Board Certified palliative care physicians, 2012 President of the American Academy of hospice and palliative medicine and a promoter of legalizing physician assisted suicide in terminal sedation. He went to the Supreme Court in 1997. I wrote the nurses brief on that. I helped to do that, or he was trying to get assisted suicide considered constitutional. He lost nine to zero, but he's not through yet. He'd be one of the people that could get these grants quite easily. There's no oversight who gets it. They apply for so-- Peter:             So, what do we need to do about it? Who do we call? Nancy:            Well, I tell people to contact their legislators in Congress. There are ways to do that. I had that on my blog too. Because we've joined with others like the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition and Healthcare Advocacy and Leadership Organization and other organizations and opposing this. Peter:             Well, we contact our Congress, I'm just wrapping up, because we're going to run out of time here. Tell me in a nutshell, why is this important to the family caregiver? Nancy:            This is important, because this is the kind of stuff that they don't know about. I have seen personally doctors tell family members, “Your loved one is brain dead. Your loved one will never have a normal life. Your loved one is going to die.” That's wrong, but it wasn't true, and I said the problem is by the time I left ICU nursing, I was hearing some of the people I work with say, “This person needs to die.” and I go, “They're not even asking for it.” He's, “Well, I wouldn't want to live like that.” But I says, very short step from I wouldn't want to live like that, to no one should live like that. Right now, we don't have enough safeguards for our people. That's why we're doing this. We need more programs like supportive programs, and good programs, but this is just for training, and media outreach and all this other stuff, and it will become institutionalized. This is just wrong. Like I said, they've even got futility policies that can overrule. Usually, an ethics committee and a hospital can overrule the family. I was in on one case where we had a 5-year old who was on a ventilator. She had one problem, and eventually was going to kill her, but the family kept saying, “No, let's get her off the ventilator again. We don't want to just take it off.” And she was totally the Children's Hospital. It happened to be a Catholic Children's Hospital, “A new doctor is coming in on Monday, and he will remove it no matter what you say.” They called me on a Friday night. We couldn't get any lawyers. So, I told them say, “You want an ethics committee meeting first thing Monday morning, and tell them that you're bringing a tape recorder.” One thing they're afraid of is lawsuits, and that solve the problem. Peter:             Well, and that that brings me to a point here that we as caregivers need to have good legal care to look at all these things. It's too much for us. I get this, and I have that, but it's very expensive to have good legal care, isn't it? No, it's not. Let me tell you why. caregiverlegal.com something I do, $24.95 a month. caregiverlegal.com, I have full access to eight entire law firm through this program. If you are living your life without this, you're asking for trouble, because you've got to have a legal care representative in your back pocket, so that you don't get picked pocketed by all these things, and you don't get taken to the cleaners, and you don't get all of a sudden down this road, and you realize that your wishes are not being met here or your loved ones wishes, and you really need to have good legal representation. That's caregiverlegal.com. Check it out. Just go take a look at it, and I'll talk to you about it. Nancy:            Most people don't know, in July, the Health and Human Services Office of the Inspector General came out with devastating report on problems in hospice. That 80% of them had at least one deficiency, and some of them were very dangerous. This is the kind of stuff is important. This is the kind of information I try to put on my blog. Because I call so much stuff from… I do research, medical research, I talk all over, and I do a lot of voluntary caregiving, including a 97-year old woman who when she broke her hip, and when she was 95, the family was asked, even though she was perfectly conscious, “Do you want us to put her in hospice?” Luckily, they were smart enough to know that was wrong. She's 97 years old, and still kicking today. Peter:             Well, I appreciate you taking the time on all these things. You've given us a lot of information, and I'm putting it out there for my fellow caregivers. We have to be alert. The world has changed, and there's not even an effort to discuss some of these things now. I remember the conversation with the governor of Virginia when he was just on the radio, just like we're having a conversation radio right now, and just was very matter of fact that, “We just put the kid over there, and we'll decide what to do with that kid a little later.” Nancy:            The media doesn’t give you the whole story. I’m an ex-reporter. Peter:             Well, don't give a story on the media. They don't give the whole story a lot of times. It’s fake news, believe me, they're no good. I want to talk about this, because as caregivers, we have to, I'm sorry, this is our journey. Part of it is we've got to step up and be there to be that second set of eyes, the second set of ears, we've got to protect these people. A lot of people wouldn't want to live like my wife, and yet she has an incredibly productive life. It's not easy, but this is what we have to do as caregivers, is be able to speak life to it, but if we're not giving somebody speaking life to us, how are we going to be able to speak life to our loved ones? How are we going to be to be alert and be protect? We're going to put this out on our podcast, Caregiver Podcast, and it'll be free for you to have. Nancy, thank you for joining us, nancyvalko.com V-A-L-K-O, nancyvalko.com. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. hopeforthecaregiver.com. We'll see you next week.

This show starting by sharing some hilarious moments of my parents who listen to the show on Alexa (Dad calls it "A LEXUS,").  We pivoted the show to point caregivers to tangible hope and referenced Lamentations 3:19-33.  We took quite a few calls and even discussed the new song by Gracie and Russ Taff that is available below.  Our phone lines lit up and we talked with a father of a special needs son, as well as two different daughters struggling to care for their mothers. Along the way we gave them copies of "7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them" as well as copies of my CD, "Songs for the Caregiver."   We also discussed the vision of Standing With Hope ...which is the presenting sponsor of the show. Take a moment to check out Standing With Hope, and then get involved. Maybe you can sponsor a prosthetic limb ...or maybe you can donate a used prosthetic limb that we can recycle through our limb recycling program.   

From Sept 8, 2019 HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel.  SUNDAYS AT 6 PM EASTERN 

Caller from Sunday's HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel shared how a tip from the show helped her recently.  Her ex-husband requires care, and she gave her son a respite in caring for him, but even through his dementia ...he still remembered to hate her. Able to laugh, while learning to "bite her tongue and like the taste of blood," she shared how a small tip (the Delta Doctrine) from the show helped her get through an uncomfortable situation.  Sponsored by:

Yes, she's had 80 surgeries and both legs amputated ...so you'd think horseback riding would be off limits for Gracie. She doesn't ride anymore (although she insists she will again!), but this hilarious moments reveals the biggest reason why! Listen to this clip from Hope for the Caregiver heard on Sunday 9/9/2019 on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER:  Sept 9, 2019   “I’ve Got To…,” “I Need to…,” “You Don’t Understand, I Have To….” “It’s My Obligation to …” These are all statements made by all caregivers at some point, and, sadly, all too frequently.  The feeling of obligation drives us to push ourselves to dangerous stress levels for our health, finances, and emotional stability.  The way we can push back is to recognize that we don’t own the problem.  Think about it, did you cause the problem?  Can you fix this issue? Stewardship Vs. Obligation Feeling obligated can quickly take us into resentment, which will only compromise our ability to live healthy lives, as well as serve as healthy caregivers. In reality, as caregivers, we’re stewards and powerless to fix the suffering of our loved ones.  Instead of owning the problem, we can instead own the concept of stewardship.  Doing so frees us to accept we are doing the best we can with what we have. Furthermore, adopting an attitude of stewardship, helps us breathe easier and treat ourselves with mercy—all of which equips us to be a better caregiver.   Sponsored by: 

Marlene in Indiana struggles as a caregiver for her husband who has lung cancer. Although she cares for her husband, she also helps take care of other family members. Marlene is living in the fear of tomorrow, next week, and next year. We helped point her back to today and a path towards help for her. How are YOU feeling?

The heart of a caregiver is often deeply troubled. This is why we do the show. We know that if we can speak to fear and chaos in our hearts, then it helps set the stage for the body to get healthier as well.  Not just the body, but the mind, the marriage, and the money. So many of our external challenges reflect an internal problem ...of the heart. Hope for the Caregiver is not just the name of my book ...or the radio show. Rather, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life ...as caregivers.  How are you feeling? 

 Excerpt from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER on American Family Radio: 8/24/2019 It’s starting to dawn on a lot of us …some of who are newer to this, not so much, but a lot of us have that realization, “Man, this thing is not going to have the happy ending, it's not going to have the happy ending that we want, it's not going to get pretty. In fact, it's going to probably get worse.” And what do you do with that information? What does hope look like in that? And as I've struggled through these things and I've worked through these things myself, I determined I was going to offer this to my fellow caregivers to ways that they can point them to safety, point him to high ground where they can just catch their breath. And I got people that call in to the show that want to kind of insert their story into it, you know, “I've been taking care of my children,” but they're not special needs children, they're just children, I've got children. But this is not “Hope for the Parent;” this is not “Hope for the Homeschooling Parent,” …this is Hope For The Caregiver. This is not to teach you how to care-give, this is not to do any of those things, this is Hope For The Caregiver, who… that one person who is up night after night after night doing laundry. Back and forth at doctors’ offices. Looking at the bills mounting up. Listening to somebody who…they are wiping their bottom… and getting cussed at by the same person. Somebody whose father abused them as a child and now they're having to help him go to the bathroom.   This is who the show is for …to let you know that God has not forgotten you, He has not abandoned you. This is not some kind of curse from God, that's not what's going on here. And this is your time. As it was said in the scripture at the beginning of it, “Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad; a good word makes him glad.” How many of you right now are feeling so anxious, that are so weighed down? I can't take this burden off of you, you can't take mine off of me, but what we can do is help each other adjust this pack a little bit easier, and what we can do is we can build each other up and equip each other to be stronger as we carry it. What's happening is we're trying to muscle our way, white-knuckle our way through this and we're getting weaker by the day. I get that. And so, what I'm trying to do on this show, what American Family Radio is helping me do is to come along and strengthen you for this journey. That's what it means when we bear one another's burdens. We're equipping each other to do this. We're not going to let you just get crushed by this. We want to point safety and we want you to know that your peace is available, it's right now, that peace that you're craving is available right now! You don't have to wait for the funeral to be over… to have peace in your heart, you don't have to wait for that magical surgery that's going to fix this or that, whatever that treatment is. You don't have to wait for that you don't have to wait for your loved one to stop acting the way they're acting, to stop drinking …stop putting drugs into their body. You don't have to wait for that to have peace, you can have that right now; no kidding, right now. It's not going to come without tears and it's not going to come without reinforcement and work and somebody pointing you to that place. And I floundered around for so many years where people came… when people came up to me and just offered me stuff that we just looked at them like, “What's the matter with you?” But I was young …and I didn't know much, and I didn't know how to respond to that. I didn't know how to push back on that and say, “No, this is not wrong.” And bad theology has caused more damage for people, and we've got a lot of bad theology going on out there. So, when we sit down here with this network we said: “You know what? We're going to put good theology in a way that caregivers can really understand into their hearts. We want to make sure that you clearly understand what the gospel means in this situation, that even as you are doing the things that you're doing, changing a dressing or a colostomy bag or picking up your special needs child and getting them to the toilet, that even in those moments when your heart is breaking, that the peace of God which transcends all understanding can still flood your heart in those moments; that's what the show is about.” 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. Peter: Ernie in Alabama. Ernie, good morning, how are you feeling? Ernie: Good morning at Mr. Rosenberger. I should call you brother Rosenberger. Thank you for taking my call. Peter: Well, you can just… how about you just call me Peter? You can just call me Peter. Ernie: Peter, well, thank you thank you, Peter, thank you for your program, it's amazing. It has to be providential, I was telling the lady when I call that we’re caregivers for our granddaughter along with her mother. She's a teacher and so we take care of her, and she's 5 and a half years old, she’ll be 6 in October, so she's almost 6, and he suffers from FOXG1 syndrome. And FOXG1 is a deletion of 1 little gene in the 14th chromosome, and the symptoms are that she cannot… she cannot fit by herself nor stand by herself, she can support weight, but you cannot walk, she cannot crawl, she cannot sit from lying… in lying position, she cannot talk. She loves music, she loves people, she's aware of her surroundings, she understands her name and she cannot sing or do her ABCs. We take her to school, they have a real nice class, the… that happened at conception when the deletion misconstruction of her genetic code. And also, her problem also is the communication between her little brain to the different autonomous system. Peter: Ernie, let me… Ernie, let me stop you for a second. One of the things we caregivers are very good at doing is we can rattle off our loved one’s chart, we could get down to the chromosome and DNA level, we could tell everything about our loved one. Ernie, how are you feeling? Ernie: Yes, and this is one of the reason that it's a miracle, providential I would say. I'm a Christian, I believe in the power of Jesus, I believe in… Peter: Ernie, I got… Ernie, Ernie, I got all that. How do you feel right now? Ernie: Oh, yes, it’s exactly like what you say. The theology when people approach you and for example, like they say, “You know, the reason that your granddaughter is the way she is is because God knew that you were going to be a good provider.” Peter: But Ernie, Ernie, you're still… you’re still not answering my question. I want you to take 1 word and tell me how your heart feels right now. Ernie: Oh, it's devastating, it is devastating to go through what we go through and… Peter: Well, it is devastating, and if you could do something for me, can you hang on? Don't hang up because we got to take a quick break, but I want to talk about [feeling] devastated, okay? Can you hang on with me? Ernie: Sure. Peter: Just hang on, don't go anywhere, we're going to take a quick break and I want to talk about this a little bit more. This is Hope For The Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberger and this is the show for you as a family caregiver. You voluntarily put yourself in a situation where you’ve got to help an impaired loved on, how are you feeling? How are you feeling? How is your heart doing? Ernie and I are going to talk about that when we get back. 888-589-8840, we'll be right back. BREAK Welcome back to the show for caregivers, this is the nation's number one show for the caregiver and you know what? Because of AFR, we're out in front of this with the gospel. We're not giving you New Age, psychobabble, Hallmark cards …We're giving you the authority and the clarity of the gospel in your situation as a caregiver. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840; let me go back to Ernie. Ernie, you see what I'm talking about here when I ask you how you're feeling and it took you going through your granddaughter’s chart and talked about all the things … you used a lot of words, but when it comes down to really how you're feeling, it's devastating to watch this. And that's what I want to talk about with you, I want to see how are you doing because I want to be able to speak to that devastating place in your heart. It is a hard thing to watch your family member, somebody you love deeply to be this way …and to go with these things and wondering with it. So, talk a little bit more about how are you feeling in this, Ernie? Ernie: The… Peter, the most devastating part of all is whenever you see her suffering in pain in anguish, whenever you see her going into seizures, the first thing that comes in is to… it tries your faith. And then you would say you will say things like, “God, we've been praying for 6 years and look,” and then you say, “Do you care? Are you listening?” But then as soon as you say it and then whenever the seizures subside and she's feeling better, then the guilt of knowing then I didn’t have enough faith, enough staying on his world to trust him through this awful time. And that’s one… that's the most devastating part is the fact that I know that he cares, I know that he listens, I know that his hand is long to reach and help, but we do not understand why, and it goes to the why. And then so that is… and then you go through the period devastation of our faith, the devastation and, you know, we just feel so low… Peter: Well let me… Ernie: .. the fact that we tapped out.   Peter: Let me… let me speak something very specific to you in that, Ernie. And thank you for that, Ernie, thank you for trusting me with your heart because that now we're having a real conversation, because you do, you question why God is doing something, after the seizure is done, you breathe a little easy and then you feel guilty for it.   And no, no, no, I want you to understand that it's not your faith, it's not how much faith you have, it's not the fact that you could squint your eyes real hard and pray, it's the fact that you are calling up to God in the first place. That is the indication of your faith.  That you recognize that there is a God and that He is supreme over this.   You don't understand it and it hurts your heart  …and it frustrates you to watch your granddaughter go into these seizures, I get that, but the fact that you are calling out to this God at all, Ernie, is an indication that your faith is. And I want you to… I want you… I'm going to give you something very specific today because everything we do here is specific and focused on a caregiver, but I want you to remember this Psalm: Psalm 13.   And I'm going to read it to you, but I want you to look it up, and every time you feel this way, every time you struggle with this, would you go back and look at this Psalm? Let's see what it says, “How long, Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God, give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death and my enemies will say, ‘I've overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fall.”   And here you go, here you go, Ernie, this is for you, this is what David says,   “But I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation, I will sing the Lord's praise for he has been good to me.”   Do you see the train of thought that he did as he wrote this Psalm under the guidance of the Holy Spirit? Because he cried out, “How long, Lord?”   You've been praying for 6 years with this granddaughter, you've been watching this situation unfold, and those questions that come, “How long are you going to let me just basically go to bed with his tears pulling… flowing from my eyes?”   But as he as he works his way through this, he comes back he said, “But here's what I'm going to do.”   And this is where you are, Ernie, you're in that Psalm 13 place where it is very, very difficult, and there are so many tears that come and you're saying, “How long?” and yet, you are still recognizing that that you have a Savior, you have a God who is who is keenly aware of this and you're conflicted on any given day. Every caregiver, every one of us understand that conflict that comes in our hearts. And I want you to know that I appreciate you very much taking the time to just call and share your heart. It takes a while to get down to it because we want to rattle off all the chart, but what we're interested on this show right now, Ernie, is your chart, the chart of your heart, of how you feel.   And does that Psalm 13, can you… would you hang on to that for me? When you get to those places, would you hang on to it and go back and just spend some time reading Psalm 13?   Ernie: I will and I will share it with my wife and my daughter. And I cannot thank you enough for your compassion, for great thing that you're doing. And just yesterday she had another episode, and I was in my way this morning to a Bible study we do on Saturday mornings, and not only that, but there are also people in my group that have Alzheimer's, loved ones with Alzheimer's and I'm going to share this morning as soon as…   Peter: This is the show for your group, this is the show…             HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is an outreach of Standing With Hope   Ernie: I will.  Peter: … for your group and your daughter. And would you… would you read…? Do me do me a favor, just I'm asking you to just kind of take a little bit of a leap of faith, not just share this with your wife, but would you and your wife and your daughter sit around the table and would you hold each of their hands and will you read Psalm 13 to them, read it very, very, very slowly.   Ernie: I can do it with them, that would be…   Peter: Now, there will be some… there'll be some tears, there'll be some tears there, Ernie.  OK? I'm just giving you a heads up, all of your eyes will fill with tears. But if you will stand in that gap as “the Godly priest of your home manner” …and read these words to your family, I promise you…   Ernie: I’m sure that will be…   Peter: I promise you something, and I want you… actually, I want you to call us back and tell us what happens in that moment. It won't be easy, it'll be… it'll be difficult, there'll be tears, but I want you to have that…   .. Actually, you know what?  You don't want you don't need to call us back and tell us because that's a private moment with you and your family and God, but I believe that you'll… you'll know that you are stepping into a different place with your family in your relationship with God. But physically touch your wife and your daughter, hold their hands and read the scripture out loud, and read it slowly, I mean slowly, because our hearts move a lot slower than our mouths and our heads. And thank you for…   Ernie: It’s the correct Psalm.   Peter: Pardon me?   Ernie: It’s the correct Psalm, Psalm 13, so I surely will do that. And thank you so, so much for that, and I know that we expect victory from this, just the fact that, like you said, that he's there and he's there for us and… but…   Peter: The victory is… the victory is already there, this journey is… is honing you down to be in that place with God that you would not be otherwise.   The victory was assured at the cross and we have to walk in that victory.   Now, sometimes we think victory is when they stop having seizures, there's victory when they're having seizures, there's victory when all of this stuff is happening. As my wife groans in pain at various times, there's victory while she's groaning in pain. Somehow we've equated victory with problem-solving, and victory is a whole lot different.   And we can have victory, we can have peace, we could have joy right in the midst of these things. Now, I'm not saying this like I own this I'm saying this like I believe this …and I need to hear it over and over …and over again myself. You tracking with me?   Ernie: Yes.   Peter: So, the next time… next time your granddaughter has a seizure, I want you to understand that you have victory even in the midst of that seizure. The victory has not been stripped from you because it was not your victory, it was God's victory through what he did at the cross, that's our victory. And you hang on to that, hang on to that and help your wife and your daughter hang on to that.   Ernie: I sure will.   Peter: And that's how we're going to do it together. And, Ernie, I want you to know how much I appreciate you calling and sharing your family's journey. And you're important to us, we're part of the body of Christ, you're my family and we're going to we're going to we're going to strengthen each other together.   Ernie: Thank you.   Peter: And you've helped… you've helped strengthen me this morning, Ernie, so thank you.   Ernie: Well, thank you, thank you for your program and may God bless you.   Peter: Well he does and he has, and you go to your Bible study right now and share this with the Bible study there and then I'd like to hear from you in the future about just how you doing, okay?   Ernie: I will, thank you.  

TRANSCRIPT:   Alright, we're talking about resentment today, and a lot of folks deal with this issue. It is a brutal issue that affects caregivers; it cripples us; it really does. A lot of people think if I could just get so-and-so to stop acting this way, then I can be okay, and it's all going to be good. But the problem is not the person we're taking care of, the problem is ourselves, and it starts with us. We can learn to be at peace no matter what's going on around us, and scripture confirms that throughout all of Scripture. Paul and Silas ...never forget... they were in prison around midnight it says.They were been beaten, I think they were stripped naked and beaten, and around midnight they were singing hymns in prison. (Acts 16:23-26)  Alright? Wrap your mind around that for a minute. Many of us as caregivers are up around midnight, dealing with all kinds of stuff, and I doubt we've been beaten and I kind of doubt we've been singing hymns. What do they know about Christ, that we need to know, that's going to sustain us?   Peter:                 Rebecca in Georgia, Rebecca good morning, how are you feeling? Rebecca:            Good morning. I'm pretty good. Peter:                  Tell me what's going on with you. Rebecca:            Okay, I'm kind of on the fringes. My boyfriend has a brother, who has been an alcoholic slug all of his adult life. He hasn't worked in 20 years, he's been living off his mother for, and he lived off of her for about 15 until she died. The money in the will was given to my boyfriend to dole out amongst the siblings, especially for his brother. Because he can't handle the money, it would have been gone in a month. So when the mother died, he was about to be put out on the street. And so we went up to get his brother and brought him down to Florida where we live. We put him in a room at my house; I'm living with my boyfriend two miles away. So we put his brother in a room in my house, he still has no responsibilities. He's 59 years old, and my concern is not for the brother as much as my boyfriend. Because my boyfriend will often say I hope he dies, I can't wait till he dies. And I know that's really not true, I mean we went all the way up to Massachusetts to get him so that he wouldn't be out on the street. But he has this resentment, because his brother will not help himself, and he does give us a hard time. And he costs my boyfriend money as well. And his brother's money from the trust is about to run out, and I think that resentment is just possibly going to push my boyfriend over the top. Because then he will be supporting his alcoholic brother completely. I don't know what to do for them.   Peter:                  Well, I don't know that you can do anything for them, but what I can ask you is a couple of questions. One of them is, is your boyfriend's brother still drinking? Rebecca:            Oh, yes. Peter:                  Okay. When your boyfriend, and there's a couple of things too went on here. First off you're living with your boyfriend, right? Rebecca:            Correct. Peter:                  All right, so let's put that in a box that we will deal with in just a minute. But your boyfriend is enabling his brother, okay. Why should your boyfriend's brother stop drinking? He's got somebody who's taking care of him, he's got resources, and alcohol is more important to him than your boyfriend. Rebecca:            Because his mother made him promise to take care of his brother. Peter:                  His mother's no longer a factor here, she's not doing it. And those promises, those are artificial restraints. Rebecca:            This was actually in the will; they had a certain amount of money. And he's giving him his money slowly, because of his mother... Peter:                  Right, but does he have to live with him? Rebecca:            What do you mean? Peter:                  Is it in the will that he has to live with your boyfriend? Rebecca:            Oh no, he doesn't live with us, we have provided a shelter for him. He is in a different house, but he has shelter. He was about to be put out on the street, so my boyfriend took him in so that he wouldn't be out on the street. Peter:                  When you say, take him in, where is he? Rebecca:            He is living in my house, which is like two and a half miles away. I have a house, but I'm not living there anymore. Peter :                 Okay. So you and your boyfriend are living together, and your house then is being used by your boyfriend to house his drunk brother. Rebecca:            Correct. Peter:                  What part of that do you think sounds really good and normal? Rebecca:            Only the fact that his brother is not out on the street, and he would probably be gone by now. Peter:                  Well, is it okay for him to be on the streets? Rebecca:            He wouldn't be able to survive. Peter:                  Well, sometimes you're going to have to let go of somebody, and trust that they have a savior and you're not that Savior. Why should he stop drinking? Why should he stop this lifestyle of his as long as he keeps having a place to stay and food and money? Rebecca:            Exactly. But even when he didn't have those things, he was on the street. Peter:                  So here's the picture you've painted for me this morning, Rebecca. You've got a guy who is enabling his drunk brother, who's living in a relationship with his girlfriend, but he's not willing to commit to a marriage with her. And you're the same way with him; you've got a lot of dynamics going here. And all of this is going to get into one big enabling mess, and it's affecting your relationship with your boyfriend, which is not on really great grounds as it is right now anyway. I mean you guys are participating in a relationship that's not a healthy relationship, living together that's not biblical and that's not a healthy relationship. If you listen to this station enough, you know this. But we'll put that over here on this side of the table, and on this side of the table, you've got a situation where you've allowed this is your house. I'm not one to give out a lot of advice on the show, because what I try to do is trying to point people to safety and say here's what safety looks like. And in your case, safety is going to look a lot like you going back to your house, kicking that guy out and letting your boyfriend deal with him. And when your boyfriend deals with that in a healthy manner, and he's ready to come back and have a healthy, spiritual, godly relationship with you then you guys can talk. But in the meantime, you're embroiled in something that is not yours to be embroiled in. You have no commitment from this guy, or to this guy; you're letting a drunk guy stay in your house.   Rebecca:            Well we do, there is a commitment, but there are circumstances why we are not actually by paper married. Peter:                  Well, there may be, but the point is by paper ..that's your house that a drunk guy is staying in, right? Rebecca:            Yes. But that's not the resentment part of it; the resentment is not mine. Peter:                  I understand that I get that, Rebecca. My question is still that, why are you giving up your house to go live with the guy, so that his drunk brother can stay in your house? Rebecca:            I moved in with him two years ago, we just went to get him. He lived in a whole different part of the country, but he was being put out, and he was going to be on the street. No money and on the street, and my boyfriend didn't want him to have to deal with that, so he went up to get him and brought him down. Peter:                  But it seems awful convenient that he could stay in your house. Rebecca:            Well, that's because his money is not going to last much longer. Peter:                  How long will his money last?  Rebecca:            It was put into the will that my boyfriend was to dole out the inheritance to his brother because they knew it would be you know gone in a couple of months. Peter:                  Yes, I get all that. Rebecca:            About another year and a half left. Peter:                  So what would your boyfriend do if you didn't have a house? Rebecca:            He'd have him in our house, where we're living now. Peter R.:             And is that your house, or is it your boyfriend's house? Rebecca:            I'm living in my boyfriend's house. Peter:                  Right. So it's not our house, it's his house. Right, I understand, I want you to hear the concept here. You're not staying in our house; you're staying in his house. Do you own any part of your boyfriend's home? Rebecca:            Okay, this is kind of judgmental to me. Peter:                  I understand, you called me, though. You called me and told me that you got a drunk boyfriend's brother living in your house, and you're calling you and your boyfriend's house our house. But your house is actually over in another part of town, I understand. But you're in a very vulnerable position that is depending upon the goodwill of your boyfriend, correct? Rebecca:            It depends on what? Peter:                  The goodwill of your boyfriend. What if you guys break up, what happens? Rebecca:            No, the brother will be put in, my boyfriend would take his brother out of my house and put him in his house with him, and I would go back to my house. Peter:                  Okay, then you go back to your house? BREAK Peter:                  Welcome back the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger, bringing you 33 years now 34 starting today, of experience to help you stay healthy as you take care of someone who is not. And I want to go back; we lost the caller. But sorry right into the break, I was trying to unpack a lot of things here, but I want to go back and touch on something. You've got somebody who is an alcoholic, because of the way the mother set this thing up basically because this guy has been enabled, he's 59 years old. And he is dragging down his brother, who is causing all kinds of frustration for his brother who is dealing resentment. Well his brother's girlfriend, who lives with him, is concerned about the resentment eating up her boyfriend. And yet what's happened is this guy's alcoholism has created its own vortex if you will, it's sucking everybody into the sickness. Whereas a healthy relationship would be, this girl and this guy, this man, and this woman choosing to be committed to each other, getting married and living a healthy life together. Instead, she's let her house go to the drunk brother of her boyfriend, and she's living over here with her boyfriend, calling it our house but it's not our house. It's his house, she has her house, and this drunk brother is in the midst of it. Do you see how sickness can do this, and it can distort our thinking? The problem is not just necessarily her boyfriend's resentment, which I'm sure he has. Most people who are involved in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic are filled with resentment. But the problem has gotten so exasperated, exacerbated, it's exasperating, but it got exacerbated because they've chosen to come up with a solution, a workaround if you will, to deal with the drunk brother by letting her own home go to this guy, and she just moves in with her boyfriend. But if she and her boyfriend break up, if their relationship goes south or something happens with them …then you've got this drunk brother over here in her home, and this guy his sickness is pulling both of them [his brother and his brother’s girlfriend] into two very dangerous places. And she heard judgmental. But I'm saying, “You're in danger.”  “You can call that judgmental if you want, but you're in danger because you're at the goodwill of your boyfriend. And if something goes south between the two of you guys, you're going to have to kick this guy out of your house, and you're going to hope he'll leave without causing a lot of problems.” And then you see how convoluted this can get? Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. And this brother is not healthy, and this brother's drunk brother is going to continue going this way because he doesn't have any reason to stop. Nobody's putting any kind of barrier to this guy; he's not going to be desperate enough to stop. And you can resent him all you want, but he's not going to change. The only thing that's going to change is the one brother who is watching all this, is going to get more resentful, and it's going to affect him more. And it's going to affect this relationship he has with this woman, who obviously he has a great deal of feelings for. And she obviously has a great deal of feelings for him.  And they've got some kind of arrangement. They've kind of figured out to do a workaround instead of just looking at this drunk brother and said “Hey! “Enough is enough, you're a drunk, we'll put some money towards rehab and that's it!” But this mother set up the will somewhere and everybody's thinking they got to do this and this and this, no. And sometimes you're just going to have to let people fall down and get hurt so that they can start asking for help. And then the two of them can get their relationship back on a healthier plane. Let me just ask you all this question; I want to ask you, women, a question:   When is it a good time for you to walk away from your own house …this is YOUR house …to move in with a guy when you do not own that house so that his drunk brother can stay in your house? And when does that make sense? What are you looking for out of a guy when you think, “Hey, I got an idea let's do this: ‘Let me take your house, and put my drunk brother in, then you come over here to shack up with me!?’”  Is that something … is that a thing now for women that you think that's okay? Maybe I'm just too old; now I guess I don't know. But is that a thing? Is this working for people now? When you have somebody that is a drunk, that can't handle money, and so you say, “Hey, I really like this guy, but his brother is just a slug (that was her word). I’ll let him come live in my house while I go shack up with his brother, and this will work out.” 888-589-8840. When I point this out, all she hears is judgmentalism, and I'm saying, “Whoa, do you not see how dangerous this is for you?” This is a dangerous place for this woman. And I'm asking you guys to step back a little bit and think, “Is this a good thing?” I'm not telling you how to live your life, I'm just asking you, “Is this a good thing?” And when she refers to our house, it's not our house; it's his house. She has her house, and now she's got a drunk guy living there. This is what happens when we allow sickness and all these things in it to distort our thinking. We can get incredibly disoriented in this, and we'll start making business decisions, financial decisions, emotional decisions, physical decisions, and we're trying to work around a sickness. The brother is sick; he is not healthy. Guess what? His brother that's taking care of him is also unhealthy, and it will keep doing this, it will keep going. Alcoholism has no mercy; it will consume your home; it will consume your finances; it will consume your health, it will consume your spiritual health, it will consume everything about you. Alcoholism …addiction… has no mercy, and you have to treat it as such. And you have to be ruthless with it.   You tracking with me? 888-589-8840. Evidently, there's a lot of people that want to weigh into this kind of stuff, that's just lit up. Greg in Louisiana, Greg, how are you feeling? Greg:                   I'm doing well. How are you doing? Peter:                  Well, for a man of my age, and limited abilities, I think I'm okay. Tell me what's on your heart and mind? Greg:                   I have 15 years clean, a little better than 15 years clean and sober, and enjoyed the conversation that I heard. I agree that the alcoholic brother is being enabled. And I heard a little bit, I mean I'm driving I caught a little piece of it, so I didn't get the beginning so I can't pretend like I know the whole story. But I did catch the part about there was a will, and so they feel as though they have to continually pay this brother, and they might not see it, but that's enabling him. It would be a better situation; I think that you referred to this; I was kind of in the middle of other things going on also. But if they were to withhold the money, not take it, but withhold it, it's still the brother’s money. But withhold it, and say after you get in recovery and get your life turned around, then the money is still there it's yours, but I can't give it to you right now to kill yourself. Because you know alcohol will lead to jail, to mental institutions and death.   Peter:                  Well, that would be the normal thing, I mean that would be the healthy thing to do, but I don't think they're making a lot of healthy decisions at this point. And again there's a lot of enabling, and you're right on the money. And Greg by the way, congrats on 15 years of this all right. Greg:                   All right, well, it's all about Jesus Christ, there's no way I could have done it on my own. Tried that, been there done that didn’t work. Peter:                  You are absolutely right! Buddy, I appreciate you calling in, and thank you so much. This is Hope for the Caregiver; this is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back. https://al-anon.org/ STANDING WITH HOPE Commercial Gracie:                Have you ever struggled to trust God, when lousy things happened to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger, and in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident, leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time, my questions changed, and I discovered the courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish standing with hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. Regularly, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies. And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit Standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's Standingwithhope.com, I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope.   Peter:                  Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger, bringing you three-plus decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. We've been talking about resentment, but it led us all into these convoluted messes that we can get into as caregivers. And they can …because we will make all kinds of decisions that make sense to us in the middle of it.  But we're not getting an objective clarification about where exactly are we “in time and space.” I go back to what happened with JFK Jr., I think it was you know it was 20-something years ago this month. I think it was, but it's been I think it's around this time of year. And he was in his plane flying his wife and his sister-in-law, and they were going up to Martha's Vineyard, I think. And he was flying visual but not instrument; he wasn't instrument rated on this plane. And so, he was looking out the window and just seeing the horizon, and that's fine in the daytime on a clear day, but this was at night. And I think there was a lot of cloud cover. And you could get very disoriented on a plane, for those who've been up in planes you know this, in small planes and so forth. (In large plane you get disoriented!) And if you look out and trust your eyes, and what your senses are telling you, you could become disoriented, and it turns out that's exactly what happened. And he flew into the ocean and killed himself and his wife and his sister-in-law. And this is what happens to us as caregivers when we're in the relationship with somebody who is chronically impaired, particularly if there's addiction or alcoholism involved. It leads us into bad decisions.  I mean really bad decisions! Because we're not listening to an objective voice that says “Hey, are you sure you're in the right place here?” And we get all bent out of shape about it, and then we start resenting people who are telling us …like the lady said to me, “I'm starting to hear a lot of judgmentalism.” I'm not being judgmental!  “How is this a good thing? “Are you sure you're in the right place here?” And if you're in the orbit of an addict, I promise you this thing will go just coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. And you will get so disoriented, and you will make horrible decisions. Financial decisions, moral decisions, business decisions, personal decisions, health decisions every part of your life will be affected by this because it disorients you, you get lost in this thing. And you don't know which way is up, which way is down and next thing you know you're flying right into the ocean, and taking everybody, you love with you. This guy somehow convinced this woman to move in with him so that he could use her home to house his drunk brother. Raise your hand if you think that is a good scenario! Who here thinks that's a good scenario? Particularly for this woman, who I don't doubt genuinely loves this guy. But is she looking for her best health interest in this thing, is she really thinking of herself healthy-wise? Not selfish wise, just healthy wise. Is this a healthy decision? This is what happens when addiction comes into our stuff, and we get all convoluted. And somewhere in all this thing, at the bottom of it you have to kind of dig through it, right at the bottom of this thing, right at the foundation there's sin, and that's the reality of it. So again, I'm the crash-test dummy of caregivers, I have made some of the most horrible, boneheaded, awful decisions in my life. And I smell dead ends, cul-de-sacs, and catastrophes quickly because I'm very familiar with the territory. All right, Jim in Texas, Jim good morning. How are you feeling? Jim:                     Good morning. I'm doing good. How are you feeling? Peter:                  I'm just precious! Jim:                     I worked 22 years of mental health; the Lord saved me when I was eight years old, that's around seven years old. I was baptized at 9; I was brought up in a pastor's family. So I know, I know exactly what these people were going through when they're talking about this. Enabling is one of the most diabolical factors that handles a person's life. I see that I saw it every day with the people I worked with at hospitals I worked in. I saw it firsthand in the people that I dealt with. There are many phases of enabling; there are six different roles in the enabling process. But the primary one is the chief enabler. This is the one that makes sure everything is in order, for the alcoholic to continue his drinking, his or her drinking. Alcoholic to continue his drinking, the drug user to continue their abuse. Peter:                  Well, and that's exactly what happened in this case, this guy he has no impediment whatsoever to stop. Until he runs out of money, and then maybe he'll stop. Jim:                     He'll find another user or he'll find another enabler. Peter:                  Of course, he would. When they run out of enablers, they usually ask for help, or they die, or they get locked up. Well, Jim, I appreciate very much the call and thank you for sharing your long experience and wisdom on this thing. You're absolutely right, let me go quickly to Paula in Oklahoma, and we'll try to squeeze this in here before the end of the hour. But Jim's actually right on the money there, and they will go through enablers. His addiction is driving this thing, and this is why I've included this in the whole caregiver conversation. Because when you're taking care of somebody, for example, which has you know physical disabilities, or even you know Alzheimer's or any kind of thing. Where people look at okay, we understand that diagnosis, we get it. When you take care of somebody like that, there's a little clearer-cut path even though it's still kind of murky. But when you're dealing with addiction, man it is absolutely mind-numbing what it does to people and their decisions. And there's a lot of shame, and there's a lot of guilt, there's a lot of obligation. I talk about the fog of caregivers fear, obligation, and guilt; every caregiver gets lost in this fog. This caregiver’s boyfriend is lost in the fog; he is obligated and guilty fear, obligations, and guilt. He's afraid the guys going to lose his money, he's obligated to his mother, and he feels guilty if he does something different. Fear, obligation, guilt and he gets lost in that, and somehow he has wrapped this woman into his life and said okay here, let's just use your house to put my drunk brother over here, and we'll do this, that's what happens we make this kind of decisions. Paula in Oklahoma, I'm going to squeeze you in real quick at the end. Paula, how are you feeling? Paula:                 Well I'm doing better, we talked. I think it was last year. I told you about my brother and my mother, and I do have bitterness sometimes, but I keep your book right beside my bed. And I think you said it's not obligated to do it, that's not helpful it's that we want to love the person. Is that what it is? I can't remember. Peter:                  Its stewardship. Paula:                 It's stewardship, that's it. Because I just gave the book to another lady that I work with, her father died, and now she's caring for her mother. And I said I want it back, and I'm going to buy her asset, but I just wanted to give it to her. But I just wanted to say that I do still have a little bitterness, but I say that prayer almost every morning in the front of your book, and that helps me so much. Peter:                  Well, that prayer is the caregiver’s prayer. But you know what Paula; you know we're always going to deal with this probably until Jesus takes us home. It's not a situation where it's one and done, and so don't beat yourself up for it. That's why we go to Christ; we need a Savior. And I am so proud of you, Paula, you made my day. Paula:                 I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing so much better, but I do kind of fall back. You know I take two steps forward and fall back. Peter:                  You know, hey welcome to the club. Paula:                 And where is that caregivers, I didn't catch it, but I do have you on my email. But where is it at? Peter:                  Which one, the podcast? Paula:                 No, the caregiver convention or conference? Peter:                  Oh, that's going to be in Richmond, Virginia next Friday in Richmond, Virginia. It's going to be a special conference there; I'll be speaking at. But if you can get to Richmond, that's great, but you may not be able to make it to Richmond. But Paula let me just say, I remember your call, and after I hung up with you my heart hurts so much for you. And I can't tell you how great it is to hear you and to hear just the pep in your step. And I know it's not everything you want it to be, and I know you still go t difficult days ahead of you, but you sound so much stronger. And this is what we do as believers; we keep building each other up so that we can be stronger. We're never going to feel better about this, but we could be better, and it sounds like you are in a much better place than you were a year ago. Paula:                 I am better. And I also to have a sister who is addicted to pills and her husband is continuously enabling her. And I used to fight that and thinking I could save her until I just was like I give her to her husband and to Jesus. It's not my job to save her; they're going to fall and bleed I have it posted on my mirrors, quotes that you put in my bathroom mirrors are posted almost everywhere. White water walk, I mean I'm out walking, I exercise every day. And I take trips; I live your book. Peter:                  Well, Paula, so do I, and I have to go back and read it myself. You've made my day Paula! And I tell you what I'm going to do, don't hang up just going to get your information. I want to send you a copy of our CD too, okay? Paula:                 Okay, thank you. Peter:                  Just because you made my day. So don't hang up, we're going to get your stuff here. Hey, listen, everybody look down at your hands, if you don't see nail prints this isn’t yours to fix, okay? If you don't see nail prints, this isn't yours to fix; we have a Savior. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. [End of Recorded Material]

On 9/1/19, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER expands to the Family Talk Channel (131) on Sirius XM. Sundays (starting 9/1/19) at 6 PM Eastern, we will be LIVE!   In addition, we're live each Saturday morning at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.  Our mission is simple:  We're going to point family caregivers to safety.  Drawing upon more than three decades of experience, a whole lot of mistakes (I am the "crash-test dummy of caregivers"), and a goofy sense of humor, we're going to strengthen fellow caregivers ...one weary heart at a time! Gracie asked if she could record one of our promos.  What do you think? The podcast will still be available and free, so make sure you follow/subscribe Brought to you by Standing With Hope

Portion of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER Monologue 8/10   "...The whole point of this is to speak clarity to a caregiver so that we're not floundering around wondering, you know, where do we go next? What do we do? What's going on? And I go back to this whole thing with gun safety.  I think a lot of people rush to push their political ideology and very few people are rushing to push this in a ministry capacity, and if you think about this, with all of our [United States’] clergy combined, even those from different faith, we can still ask the same question, are the firearms secured? Think about praying with the mother in despair over her addicted child. You don't have to wait for legislation. You could go ahead and ask the question now, hey, does this kid have access to guns?  And you know, you're not going to stop it. I mean, somebody just went on a rampage with a knife. I mean, we can't exactly go out there and pass legislation to get to knives. Well, we can, but legislation doesn't do anything, y'all know that and even if it does, it's still not going to do anything until they pass it—I'm talking about something today, right now that you could do. Think about, think about if this man yesterday who shot and killed his wife and then killed himself over healthcare issues down in Florida.  If somebody spoke life to this man, what a different outcome that would be. You can't insure it. You can't make it happen that way, but you give them a fighting chance and you know, results are in God's department, but we have a responsibility to be stewards of this message. Are we just glad we got our salvation, glad we got our knowledge —and then everybody else is just on their own.  I mean, don't we have to be responsible with the information that God has entrusted to us to be the light of the world? And if we're not going to speak light into these situations, who, who are they going to listen to? You know, when you've got states passing medically assisted death and they're all just gung-ho to, to pass that so that you know, physicians could provide drugs that go ahead and take a patient out. How big a leap is it for a caregiver to go ahead and just take matters in their own hand and say, okay, let's just be done with this? When you got a governor of Virginia who is a doctor himself saying that if a child with special needs is born and it's severely deformed, we're going to put the child aside and make it comfortable and then we'll let the mother make the decision on whether or not we'll execute the child.  How big a leap is it for a family with a special needs child that has pushed him to the breaking point to go ahead and just end that child's life? Don't tell me it doesn't happen, it just happened in Oregon a year ago this month. Well, the 28-year-old girl who took a gun and shot her child and then turned the gun on herself.  Over in Dixon, Tennessee, a father of a special needs boy, if nonverbal Autistic boy, beat him to death and the mother watched. Then he told the community that child ran off, which happens with Autism. There's a lot of problems with elopement.  There are dark thoughts that that get into these people's minds, to all our minds. [It] is scary. It gets into all our minds and if we're not hearing words of life on a regular basis, who are we listening to? What are we listening to? The world is increasingly throwing death as a solution to us. Think about it. Look at all the headlines. Don't just take my word for it. Look at it yourself. The world is throwing death as a solution. Medically assisted death, abortion.  When Roe versus Wade was passed and set up as the law of the land …and I watched Bill de Blasio this week argue about it— and he was asked point blank by Sean Hannity, "Do you believe that an abortion, that a woman can have an abortion all the way to the moment of birth … and he wouldn't answer the question, he would just simply say, "I believe in Roe versus Wade." Well, I don't believe in Roe versus Wade! I believe that our Savior bore the penalty of death and we don't need to use death as a solution. But these people are not going to be content until they can eliminate by killing anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or in any way unpleasant.  Don't take my word for it. Look at the media every single day. “Well, I wouldn't want to live with this and this and this.” Well, you don't know what you want to live with! My wife lives with more pain than anybody I know; her body is so broken and yet she has value with what she does, and she trusts God with her pain, and He speaks to her in it. C.S Lewis said that you don't, suffering is God's megaphone to us. and the world is going to continue to reinforce this [Death] over and over and over, until we get rid of people with disabilities, people who are aging, who have outlived their usefulness according to the world, [or] children that we do not want. You look at Barack Obama, he said some years ago that if his daughter makes a mistake, he doesn't want her to be punished with a baby. These were his words, they're not my words, they are his words.  And "anything that is undesirable, we need to get rid of." That's what the world says, the scripture tells us something far different ...that we trust God with these things that come along in our lives that are, that are challenging, that are painful.  We hang on to Him in this—not just look for some way to just go ahead and pull the trigger and be done with it. But our natural inclination is to want to be free of all this pain and sorrow and suffering and unpleasantness or fear, whatever it is we got to deal with. So, let's just kill it. We don't have any more money for, to, you know, healthcare, whatever but let's just go ahead and take our own lives and be done with it.  This is happening now. It happened yesterday in Florida. Go look at the news. So, what are we doing about it? What are we doing about it?  This show is dedicated to speaking to those people who are watching this unfold, who are so discouraged as they watch someone else suffer—to go into that heartbreaking place, and point them to a path of safety. I get it. I truly get it, but God has not abandoned you. God is not forsaking you. This is not some kind of goofy punishment. He's not arbitrary. He is not reckless. He is not whimsical. He is God all by himself, and He alone is working in ways that we cannot possibly fathom …and so, we learned to trust Him. A lady wrote me last week on her Facebook page. Her husband has seizures all the time, and their nine-year-old boys said, “Why would God do this to us?”  [Music starts] I remember our nine-year-old asked when his mother (Gracie) just kept going through surgery, after surgery—losing legs and everything else. He said, “How can I trust God with my hurts … when I see what He allows mom to go through?” And I answered him with wisdom that I didn't know, it wasn't my wisdom and I said, “You know what, I don't understand all these things, but I know that He stretched out his arms and gave his life for us.  If he loves us that much, I'm going to trust Him. This is Hope for the Caregiver; we'll be right back. Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope - a ministry committed to the wounded and those who care for them.   

Statistically speaking, someone orbiting an impaired or hate-filled individual attends a church, temple, or mosque. Rather than waiting and debating over what to do, can we not appeal to our clergy who collectively interact and influence a massive number of citizens? While politicians and pundits speak to and from green screens and platforms, pastors speak to families in dire circumstances.  Parents, siblings, spouses, or children struggling with the behavior of someone they love fill pews and kneeling benches across America. As their spiritual needs receive ministering, why not encourage clergy to quietly and privately ask if that loved one or a distressed caregiver has access to firearms? Gentle guidance from a priest, pastor, rabbi, or cleric connects far greater than a politician running for office. In 2008, a debate moderator asked two-term Governor, Mike Huckabee, why he felt qualified to run for President.  Governor Huckabee’s answered surprised many.  “As a pastor, I’ve had a front-row seat to virtually every social dynamic families encounter.” He went on to relate ministering to families struggling with sickness, unemployment, disability, addiction, and death. Politicians talk about all those things, but pastors touch them. Clergy remain an important, but untapped resource in our country’s struggle with gun violence and hate.  Sometimes that violence enters the house of worship itself. Yet, congregants heroically return to pews and clergy bravely return to pulpits to stand for something greater. In our houses of worship, the opportunity arises to not only communicate hope, but safety. If a firearm lies within reach of an impaired loved one, does the caregiver know how to safety and secure the weapon? If not, plenty of others do. Clergy (if unfamiliar themselves) can help connect the proper assistance. Waiting on Washington to fix or even address issues is rarely timely. Special interests on both sides of this debate consistently wrangle while lives hang in the balance. “Are the firearms secured?”  With that simple question, a Rabbi praying with a mother in despair over her addicted child can offer help immediately.  One small question, and a priest can help a caregiving husband seek counseling before taking a gun and doing the unthinkable to his wife, and then himself. With a caring and practical word,  a pastor can intercept a single mother at the breaking point with a special needs child. Right now, a caring clergy member can provide a path to safety for a family struggling with an out of control and rage-filled son.  Elected officials answer to donors and often pander. Clergy answer to a higher authority. In the failure of political leadership, spiritual leadership can prevail—while providing  better model of caring for all of us. One small question framed in compassion and wisdom, while collectively asked by an untapped cadre: “Are the firearms secured?”  In the space of seconds, lives can be saved. Maybe more lives saved than by all the media’s outrage or a stack of laws from Congress. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”  - Proverbs 27:12   Peter Rosenberger is the president of Standing With Hope which sponsors HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Your support helps make this broadcast possible. Please consider a tax-deductible gift to this ministry today!  

HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is broadcast LIVE each Saturday at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.   Peter: Hank in Virginia. Hey Hank, how are you feeling?  Hank: Oh, I'm confused. My mother moved in here almost five years ago now. But then she died November 5th. Okay. My sisters all say I'm building castles in heaven because of what I did. But my problem is that now that she's gone, I feel incredibly guilty because I didn't …I wasn't nice enough to her. I just, I didn't like my mother, but she was my mother. You know, my sisters called me and said, all these religious holy rollers that you live with, now that you become reborn,  …what do they do with their parents when they have to put them in a nursing home? I just laughed at them because they "put them in their basement," they don't send them anywhere. So, my mother moved in with me and my sisters, I mean, they helped, you know, they all live on the left coast. They're all …nobody's near me. Well, my one little sister is in Maryland and she's up in Baltimore, but I saw her like every other weekend. We had a woman who did the woman's stuff a couple of times a week, but other than that it was me, 24/7. Peter: Well Hank, I tell you what, can you hang on through the break? Hank: Sure. Peter:  Listen, don't go away because I want to talk about this with you. We want to unpack this a little bit more for you.  Hank: I don't know if I called the right place. Peter: You absolutely called the right place. This is the place for you to call and we're going to spend as much time as we can with you. All right?  Hank: Okay, sorry. Peter: You got people here that are pulling for you. We're going to talk about this. Don't go away. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.    [Music]   Gracie: Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger and in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned, why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish, Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Gannon, West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycled parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up, that's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope.  Peter: Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and we are glad that you are with us. We're talking with Hank and Virginia. Um, Hank let me go back to some things that you were talking about earlier. It sounds like you are struggling with a lot of different conflicting feelings. If you had to just sum up one thing that you're feeling right now, what would that be?  Hank: Um, huh. I thank Jesus and I live in West Virginia, West by God, Virginia [Laughing]  Peter: West by God, Virginia.   Hank: Yes. Uh, and I found the Lord here were, I let him in anyway. I never knew who he was. I always knew there was a God. I always knew there was something greater than me, but I never understood the Jesus thing. And when I did, I mean, I didn't even believe he was talking to me, you know, like, but...  Peter: But, but how, how are you feeling today Hank?  Hank: Uh, depressed. Um, worthless. Look, um, I'm pretty busted up. I'm pretty disabled in my own right. I have a hard time getting around, walking, doing whatever. At least when my mother was here, I had a purpose. You know, I was doing something, and I thought, she's going to be here for the next 20 years. I really did. I thought I was doing penance for being in the child that I was but uh... Peter: Well let's unpack it a little bit cause we only, I want to spend as much time as I have with you, but I want to go back ...you were not doing penance. Okay? Hank: I know, it's a joke. It's a joke.  Peter: Okay, well I'd say I'd, it's radio so I can't see you. So I don't know for sure, but I want to make sure you know that and the audience knows that this is not penance because there are a lot of people that do feel like it's penance.  Hank: Um, okay. I apologize.  Peter: No, no, don't apologize. Look, we're caregivers here, all right? Hank: I know this is serious. I know this is serious and I know, I mean I found you guys, I've listened to you for the last few years, you know, so I know what you do and I, I just never thought it applied to me. I just thought because my heart wasn't in it. Peter: And yet, and yet you still did it.  Hank: Yeah. Now, you're sound like my sisters. Peter: Well, maybe they had some good words for you, but the point is you still did it and a lot of caregivers tend to beat themselves up for their job performance while completely overlooking their job attendance record.  Hank: Okay.  Peter: And you kept showing up, you kept doing it and, and I also want to tackle that issue that you said that you felt like, you know, you had a purpose. You have a purpose period. The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. That's catechism number one in the shorter catechism, the chief end of man that is, that is our purpose, is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Now, some of that may be involved and may be manifest in us being a caregiver for someone. We may have some conflicting feelings. We may not even do it very well, but our chief purpose is not to be a caregiver. Our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy him forever and he may call us for a season to do certain things. Now that season may be a lifetime. I mean, I'm 33 years into this. That season may be how long did you take care of your mother?  Hank: About four and a half years.  Peter: Okay, so for four and a half years, you had an intense situation where you were doing this and you felt like you were kind of in the zone of what your purpose was doing to get up and do these things. All right, but that doesn't mean that that, that your life is over just because your mother passed away. God has things for you to do as well and things to, to reveal to you about you and more importantly about him and he hasn't forgotten about you, he hasn't abandoned you. Your life is not over. Are you involved in church?  Hank: I have a church that they, yeah, I'm, I'm like the black sheep. They love me very much. Yeah. I came to the Lord. Most of them, most, most all of them gave thanks.  Peter: Well, actually the day that you came to the Lord Hank, all of Heaven rejoiced. (Luke 15:10) Hank: Well, yeah, I know. I know.    Peter: Do you really? Do you really know that? Do you really know how important you are to Christ? Hank: I believe I truly do. I don't know why, but I truly do.  Peter: Well, we don't need to know why  Hank: He knew me like this, you know? Before you know, before he, before my father knew my mother, he knew me. He knew I'd be here.  Peter: Yeah, he did and he knows  Hank: I feel kind of lost. Peter: Well, you sound kind of lost, you know, but that's okay. That's just where we are today. He has known you before the foundations of the earth.  Hank: Amen.  Peter: All right. And he stretched out his arms and died for you and he took all that on for you. You know, he died for all of us, but he died for each of us.  Hank: Amen. All right.  Peter: These are words that mean something, Hank. They mean something. They mean something to a caregiver to know that, “…wait a minute, this is not the end of the story!”  That your mother's funeral was not the end of your purpose, that your disability, that things that you're struggling with just to get around. All the sins that you committed; he knew all of that. Every bit of it, Hank. There was nothing hidden from him. And as I said at the beginning of the show, all you need is need and he understands what you're going through right now. And so, you're calling the show on Saturday morning just to have a conversation with somebody who can speak back to you. These, there's an old hymn that I love, it's called a “Wonderful Words of Life.”  “Beautiful Words, Wonderful Words, Wonderful Words of Life…” And if you don't hear that on a regular basis, hey, if I don't hear that on a regular basis, we both have Gospel Amnesia and we'll forget it. And we need to be reminded of it daily, hourly, you know, that old hymn, “I Need Thee Every Hour?” Hank: Amen.   Peter: You know that hymn?   Hank: I do not, but I know...   Peter: There's a wonderful hymn called, I Need Thee Every Hour” and you know why it was written because nobody had written, “I Need Thee Every Minute” yet. I think I'm gonna write that one.   It's okay to feel that way because now your prayers change. Now we're getting serious about this thing with God and He wants to speak to those things …and He does speak to those things with you  …and there's no need for you to continue to just beat yourself up about being the black sheep. There is nobody, there is nobody, I promise you there's nobody that has ever lived on this planet that is somehow earned the grace of God.  Hank: Amen. I get that part. Peter: Okay, do you really get it because it doesn't sound like you do?    Hank: No, no. It's a gift. It's a gift that you have to accept.  Peter: No, you don't have to accept it. No, no. You're, you're, you're parroting back words to me …that I know that you know …but in your heart, I could just sense that you have just been so beaten down and I don't want you to feel that way anymore. I want you to, I want you to see yourself as God sees you. When He looks at you. He sees Christ.  Hank: Oh man. [Choking up] Peter: Yeah, he does. He doesn't see all that nonsense because you were covered under that. It's the called the great exchange. He took on all of your filth, all of your brokenness, all of your sin, and he swapped it for all of his righteousness. He looked at Christ and saw all of that stuff that you're struggling with right now. That's what Christ has done on the cross …so that He could just wrap his arms around you and say, “Hank, dude, glad you're here! Come to the table. Sit down right here.”  Hank: “Well done. Faithful, servant.”   Peter: And He will say that to you, but I'm asking you. I'm giving you an invitation here to stop parroting these words back and just listen to what they really mean. I know you know a lot of the words, but your heart is just torn apart for whatever reason.  Hank: The truth, the truth really, really is. It's that Jesus is what changed my mind. I knew all the words. I knew all the stories; I'd heard it all. I'd been baptized, confirmed, all that stuff. I just didn't get it but once I understood than it is very simple. You just accept the gift that he's offered you.  Peter: Well, I know that. I know that.  Hank: I just don't want to sound like a parrot.  Peter: Well, that's why. That's why I'm asking you to.... Hank: I really truly believe; I really truly do.  Peter: I don't doubt that you do, but I think that there's so much brokenness in your own heart that you're standing on the sidelines looking in and trying to convince yourself of these things, …and I know that you believe it, but do you really believe it in all the broken places?  [Do you really believe ] that none of that escaped God's sovereignty in his hand … and He was there watching all of these things happen and still weaving out his purposes in your life? He watched my wife slam into that concrete abutment. He watched it. God allows what He hates in order to achieve what he loves.    If you, if you get nothing out of this conversation today, Hank, God allows what He hates to achieve what he loves. Can you hang onto that? I'm sorry, we're up against the end of the show on the clock, but I wanted to make sure you had something tangible you could hang on to is, is that okay? Can you hang on to that for me?    Hank: You have done more for me than you understand.  Peter: Well, listen, it's a privilege because people have done more for me …and I'm going to be a good steward of it.  Hey, this is Hope for the Caregiver and we're out of time, but we'll see you next week. Go to hopeforthecaregiver.com for more and you can get this podcast.   Peter Rosenberger is the president of Standing With Hope which sponsors HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Your support helps make this broadcast possible. Please consider a tax-deductible gift to this ministry today!

With a rampant drug culture and the disintegration of the family, more and more grandparents find themselves caregiving, parenting, and struggling with enabling as well as their own marriages and health.  Norma and her husband are a family in crisis. We discussed that while there's no solution ...there is a path. But it's not going to easy.  [Transcript] Peter:                 Norma in Indiana. Norma? Good morning Norma. How you feeling? Norma:              Not very well this morning. Peter:                 Not too well? Norma:              No. What I have a problem with is I have two grandchildren that I'm taking care of due to their mother who has mental illness; schizophrenic mental illness and one of her children...Well, they both have different fathers and the one father is dead, the other father never had anything to do with his son at all. And so the children were taken away by DCS two years ago and I took them into my home and I didn't ask my husband when they called. I just, out of frustration and hurt I said, "Just bring them here". And so I didn't know, you know, what all the circumstances were, but there was drugs involved. She was living with her sister who had also lost her husband, which is my youngest daughter. And they had got into drugs and everything was a mess. And so this is two years later, I still have the children and my husband, which would be the children's step... I mean it's not their biological grandfather. I'm sorry. I'm so nervous. I'm hearing things. But... Peter:                 By the way, let me stop you just for a minute Norma. Do you have your radio on? Norma:              Yes. Should I turn it off? Peter:                 Can you turn that off for me? Norma:              Yes. Hold on. Okay, that's better. Peter:                 That's good. Cause what happens, it picks up an echo and...   Norma:              Yeah. Alright. I couldn't hear myself. Peter:                 That's alright. Let me make sure. I just want to catch up here with you and make sure that I'm tracking with you. Okay? Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 So you've got a daughter who had a drug problem. She had two different children, by two different men. And because... Norma:              I'll backup. She's not the one that's the mother of these children. My daughter that's paranoid schizophrenic is the one that has the children. And when her husband died with cancer and she had the little girl by him. My youngest daughter, when her first child was born, he was about 18 months old... My youngest daughter and her husband took him and got guardianship of him. Well, then her husband passed away and that's when the drugs began. And then... Peter:                 All right, so you got... Hold on a second cause I'm trying to just get right down to... I can't do the whole biographical story on the family, but I just want to understand. You got two children. Are they siblings or they're cousins? Norma:              No, they're siblings. Peter:                 Okay, two children... Norma:              And the problem is my husband... I can't say that he hasn't tried to be good, but he just doesn't have the patience that I have. I've been to caregiver basically all my life for other things. And the boy will soon be 14, a teenager and the little girl is 11. And of course, you know how 14 year olds start to get teenage sloppiness and mouthy. And he's been that way with my husband. And my husband says, I can't take much more this. If something doesn't change, you're going to have to make a choice between me or them because he says I cannot handle this emotionally. And every day and every night I wake up with this on my mind and I cry about it and I think I don't know what to do.   Peter:                 All right, look, I know this is painful. So let's get right down to the brass tacks here, what we got to do. Your husband, what he's going through is understandable, but he's going to have to just step up. And part of that is going to involve both of you guys and maybe the whole family. Is anybody getting any counseling at all?   Norma:              Yes, I've got both of the children are in counseling. They're in individual counseling and behavior counseling. And I myself started in counseling. I kind of backed off here lately because my insurance wouldn't pick it up. I've had to pay for it and you know, the extra expenses that come along with it. My husband's never been in counseling. Peter:                 Alright. Is he opposed to it? Norma:              No. We have talked about it and our church has a hope counseling center and he said that he would go there with me. That's a good step. Peter:                 Counseling is going to be kind of a must for all of you guys. You got so many different moving pieces here. The kids are going to continue acting out. That's not going to change.   Norma:              Right. Peter:                 But you can change, and your husband can change. But you're not going to be able to do it on your own very easy. It's going to take a lot of work. Divorce is going to be a lot more expensive than counseling. Norma:              Right. Peter:                 Does he know this? Norma:              I've been through one. I don't want to go there again. Yes, we both have been through divorce. He was married 27 years. I was married 21 and we've both been married now 27 years to each other.   Peter:                 All right, let me just be blunt Norma. You all got a whole boxcar full of baggage in this situation. Norma:              Right. Peter:                 And it's been piling up for a very, very long time and now it's getting to the point where it's just crushing. You are not going to get out of this overnight. You're not going to maybe get out of this at all. But what you can do is you can rearrange some of these things. You can organize a little bit better so that it's easier to manage and you can get a little stronger and a little healthier as you do it. These kids are going to continue to act out because they've come from just really tough situations. And we don't know a lot of the dynamics that are going to manifest themselves in these children as they continue to go through their teenage years. It's not going to get any easier. So, if you guys are trying to white knuckle this thing by yourself, it's going to crush you. So what I'm asking you to do is for you and your husband to sit down at the kitchen table and look at each other and just have a real honest conversation. And don't be afraid to say, "Hey, you know what? This is absolutely a dumpster fire. But it's our dumpster fire and we're going to have to deal with it. And for us to just split up and go our separate ways is not going to be the solution. We love each other. We care for each other. We care about these kids. We're trying to do the best we can, but this is beyond us. This is bigger than us. And us falling apart is not going to help them and it's not going to help us."   Norma:              Right.   Peter:                 And that's the starting point for the conversation. And it's going to be a painful conversation with some tears … and it's okay to listen to him. Okay? You brought this to him. He loves you, but now he's got to hook up all of his box car to your box car and man, you've got all kinds of stuff going on. It's going to take a lot of patience, a lot of work and a lot of help to detangle some of this mess.   Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 And if you guys are not looking at it honestly from the front end it's going to overwhelm you. When you get into it, you're going to get mad— you're going to get angry—all these things are going to happen. [You’re going to be] resentful. All this stuff's going to happen. And I don't want to see that happen with you all, but it's going to start with an honest conversation between the two of you. And then you're going to start to have to reach out to get some good people involved with this. It's probably going to take more than just one or two. It's going to take more than maybe even what your church can offer. Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 And you're going to need to get some social workers involved in this. This thing with your grandchildren is going to probably get a little bit more gnarly. When you have teenagers in general, it can get weird. But when you have teenagers that are coming from the kind of train wrecks that these kids have come from, it's going to get even weirder. Okay? And so that's why it's going to be very helpful to get some people involved and some family. People that really know this kind of stuff, not amateurs. You're going to have to get some people with some real experience in this to help you kind of chart a path of what this looks like. You don't go to counseling just to emote. You go there to be able to say, "Okay, what does safety look like? What is a path towards this thing not crushing us?" And you have to come out with real action steps. By the way, are you seeing your doctor regularly? Norma:              Yes, I do. Every three months I have... Unfortunately, I have an anxiety disorder and a heart condition. Peter:                 Well, I can only imagine you would have an anxiety disorder. I would have an anxiety disorder dealing with what you're dealing with. I'll tell you what, hold on through the break Norma. Hold on through the break. This is “Hope for the Caregiver”. We'll be right back. Don't go away Norma.   [Music] Commercial for Standing With Hope Peter:                 Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization; Standing With Hope. When my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager and she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished them and thought, "Wow, this is it. I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that?" And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees.  And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with Standing With Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that; through suppliers, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at www.standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment and go onto www.standingwithhope.com.and see how you can give and they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at www.standingwithhope.com.     [MUSIC]   Peter:                 Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. We're on American family radio. We are live; (888) 589-8840, (888) 589-8840 for those of you holding on the phone lines, we'll get to you in just a minute. I want to finish up a little bit with Norma in Indiana. Norma, you still with me?   Norma:              Yes, I am. Peter:                 Norma, a couple things that I was thinking about over the break. I would recommend also for your husband and you both to involve yourself into some type of 12 step recovery program for family members of addicts or alcoholics. Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 Even though that's not always applicable in every case. The concept is still helpful. Like Al-Anon and things like that because it is a group of people who are struggling with their dysfunction and trying to control something that can't be controlled. Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 Those are helpful things. You guys have had a lot of trauma to you and you're going to have to respect the trauma. You've got death, you've got paranoid schizophrenic, you've got drug use. You got a lot of trauma and you've got multiple marriages. You got a lot of trauma. I've been caring for somebody who's endured the aftermath of a lot of trauma and you have to respect the trauma and recognize that this may not get better. Okay? It just may not. There's some things that just not going to be fixed this side of heaven. My wife's legs are not going to grow back. Her pain is not going to go away. Not unless some kind of direct intervention from God. And she's been like this for 36 years and that's a long time. Norma:              Yes. Peter:                 And so in this particular case, the things that are going on with you, there's not going to be a point where you say; "Okay, we're just going to get through this and then we can get on with our life." Nope, this is your life now. And these children are part of your life and they're going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life. And your husband is in a position now where he's going to have to make a decision. Does he want to be a part of that? And he can't hold that over your head every time he gets just upset about something. He's going to have to man up and say; "Okay, am I in this or am I not in this?" And man up …and do it. Now that's the blunt force truth.   Norma:              Right. Peter:                 All right. Here's the compassionate truth. There are people out there that can help you with this. But it's gonna take a lot of work and it's going to take some money and you're going to have to make financial decisions and spend some money with some counsel. Now, when you go to a 12 step recovery program that doesn't cost any money, those are free. You can go to those anywhere and you go every day if you want to, and I would recommend it because I think it's going to strengthen you for the journey and that's what's necessary. There's not a solution for this. There's only a path towards you being stronger and him being stronger and you all being able to better navigate through this. There's not any kind of switch that somebody's going to flip and all of a sudden your grandchildren going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. You know, there is nothing. You know, my wife doesn't have a switch that's going to make her legs stop being amputated and grow back. You know, it doesn't work that way. But, she does wear prosthetic legs. She has adaptive equipment that can help her function in a healthier manner in life. And those are things that are going to be necessary for you and your husband and these children. You're going to need some adaptive equipment. You're going to need emotionally adaptive equipment and that's not going to come from you guys just trying to muscle your way through this. You're going to have to seek out some help, some real, no kidding professional help. And so I don't know who you're going to see as a counselor, but makes sure that you really are dealing with a pro here who can give you good solid counsel- "Okay, here's the action steps you need". If all you do is go through a box of Kleenex every time you go to counseling, that's not helpful. You're going to need action plans.   You're going to need no kidding... There's a movie, it's a tough movie to see. It is a tough movie, but it's a very good movie. And it's called, "We Were Soldiers", Mel Gibson stars in it and it's based on the true story of Lieutenant Colonel Hal Moore who ended up becoming a general. But it was back in Vietnam and they got over there and the whole thing just fell apart. I mean, these guys were highly trained. They were some of the first people there in Vietnam and they got over there and it was basically an ambush. It was just falling apart. And Moore, played by Mel Gibson gets up and he looks at these soldiers and every one of them you could just see it in their eyes …"Okay, what are we going to do now?" And he looked at one young sergeant, I think it was and he said, "I want you to take that creek bed". He was yelling these things out, "That creek bed! We're going to take that hill!" And it’s very micromanaged things …of what we're going to do—that we're not going to just sit there and start shooting somewhere and hopefully we hit the enemy. We're going to have very targeted steps and that's the kind of counseling that you need and that's the kind of counseling that your husband needs. It's not going to be a situation where they say, "Well, you know, write three things to say that you like about each other" or whatever. I'm not saying that you're getting that. I'm just simply saying it's going to have to be almost “military type” action plans. “We're going to take that creek bed!” …this is what we're going to do today. Right now. Those are the kind of action steps that you're going to have to have. And you're going to have to have that support team around you and your church and so forth. And if you're not getting that, you need to trim out everything around you that is distracting you from a healthier path. I mean, you're going to have to ruthlessly cut things and even relationships that are pulling you down because you guys are in a very, very, very dangerous position.   Norma:              Yeah. We are. That's why I called.   Peter:                 The whole thing can just come crashing down on you and then these kids will be just... Well, you know, it'll take everybody down.   Norma:              Right, and I don't want that to happen.   Peter:                 Well, I don't want it to happen either and I don't think anybody listening wants it to happen. We're all pulling for you, but it's going to take you and your husband. It starts at the kitchen table. It usually does. And it's going to take you and your husband sitting down and get your Bible out. You know, and proverbs says; lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. That's what it says in Proverbs and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6)  And it's really important that you hang on to that scripture because when you lean on your own understanding, you get in some real messes. Believe me, I know this. This is my life. I am the crash test dummy of caregivers and I've leaned on my own understanding and made a mess of things. But there are the people who have good understanding and godly counsel for you. Scripture says there's wisdom in a multitude of counselors and you're going to need a multitude of counselors in this one. Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 And ask your husband at the table... Just say, look …and I'm going to put this out on the podcast and play this back for him if you have to … but just say, "Look, before you just go all nuclear here and say, this is done and I can't take it anymore, can we have an honest conversation about what we can do and how we can navigate this and how we can see God's hand in this and trust God in this?" Now, we'll tell you this. I will tell you this, with absolute 100% conviction, Norma. You can trust God in this. He has not abandoned you. He already knows about all of this. Okay? Norma:              Right. Peter:                 This is not something that God has just said, "Oh my goodness, I took my eye off of Norma and look what happened." That's not what's going on here. But there's a lot of heartbreak for whatever reason and there's a lot of different factors that have gone into this. But here's where we are. And my wife's car accident did not catch God by surprise. When her friend Joni Eareckson Tada dove into that Chesapeake Bay back in 1967 and broke her neck and became a quadriplegic. It didn't catch God by surprise. Norma:              Right. Peter:                 When Cain murdered his brother Abel, it did not catch God by surprise. And he's able to weave and work through these things with us. But it does take work and it takes trust …and this is what it looks like to cry out to a Savior. So, if you feel like your counselor is the right person for the job and the kids' counselor is the right person for the job, okay, then you've got some real allies.   And now your husband's going to need that.   It may be more than what your church offers, but you're going to need strategic counseling. Not just emoting you know, I know this is a tough place for you guys. Every time you meet with a counselor, you should come out with some type of action step. But I don't care how small the action step is. The action step could be just to go home and you know, clean the refrigerator. I'm just making stuff up here. But it has to be an action step that you guys can actually wrap your mind around doing to help these children get to a place where they are not creating havoc everywhere. And help you guys get to a place where you're not being sucked into the havoc that they do create. Norma:              Okay. Peter:                 This is a hard place Norma. I am not saying these things without any sense of understanding or appreciation of just how difficult this is for you. But it's a very dangerous place for you. You are welcome to call anytime you want. You're welcomed to give us updates and we'll do the best we can to connect you with resources that can help you with it as well. Okay? Norma:              I appreciate that so much.   Peter:                 You're welcome Norma. Norma:              Fine. Okay. Peter:                 Well, thank you. Thank you. We as caregivers are in dangerous places and we have to have strategic players. The goal was not to feel better about these things. The goal is to be better. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com. Help us keep the show on. Go out and take a look and see how you can do it. We'll see you next week. Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.       

"The Obvious Often Becomes Obvious ...Just Before It Becomes Obvious." Susan from Memphis called the show to share her dilemma of caring for her mother from a long distance. With one brother pulling the yeoman's share of the load, resentment cropped into the family. Yet, Susan didn't quite know what to do. I asked, "Instead of helping your mother, how about helping your brother?" When helping a caregiver, t isn't necessary to wrack your brain and try to reinvent the wheel - sometimes, it IS the wheel! I pointed her to her brother's tires and asked if he could use a new set?   She quickly latched onto that idea and realized he regularly put a lot of miles on his car. In the process, Susan found a tangible way she could thoughtfully show her brother that she cared and was part of the team. Helping a caregiving doesn't have to be complicated or exotic.  Look for the things that caregivers regularly use, and offer to help. Dry-cleaning, grocery shopping, lawn care, home maintenance, car issues, etc.  All of those things can be immensely helpful to a caregiver.  "If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?"  James 2:16 Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. Consider supporting this ministry today. Click for more info. 

"I'm going to swerve into something today that I've been stewing on for a while ..." That's how we started the July 20, 2019 show, and we tackled families struggling with addiction (alcoholism). I said to a young man recently, "Honour thy father and thy mother.." (Exodus 12:20) DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO HONOR THE IMPAIRMENT! When dealing with an addiction issue, family members all too often (and sadly) place themselves in bondage trying to enable. The disease of addiction is a family disease, and will take everyone with it ...if allowed. Alzheimer's has no mercy ...and will crush everyone around an impaired loved one  ...if allowed.  Caregivers will sadly take so much abuse into their heart as they listen to a disease speak with the voice of a someone they love.  But it's  the disease, not your mother, father, spouse, etc.! Yet, so many struggle, often painfully, with tremendous sense of guilt while mistakenly honoring a disease or impairment instead of the parent or loved one. We spend a good bit of time on this issue in today's show. Share this show with someone you know who is struggling with this.  if you're in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction/alcoholism, here is a helpful resource.  https://al-anon.org/ Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. If this show is helpful to you, we invite you to help sponsor this through a tax-deductible gift.  www.standingwithhope.com/giving   

A show FOR caregivers. ABOUT caregivers.  HOSTED by a caregiver. With millions putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster, the family caregiver continues to be an "at risk" individual. Not just physically and emotionally, but financial risk looms for caregivers, as well.  It's not enough to say,"take care of yourself."  Caregivers need require regular, specific, and clear reminders of what HOPE for the caregiver looks like.  Peter Rosenberger brings 33 years of experience as a caregiver through a medical nightmare that includes 80 surgeries, multiple amputations, and nearly $11 million in medical costs. Hope for the Caregiver is the nation's #1 show for family caregivers and is committed to strengthening those who care for the weakest among us.  www.hopeforthecaregiver.com   

One day, while flying to Atlanta on Delta Airlines, (Duh,Everything Leaves Through Atlanta), I discovered that flight attendants state the best advice for caregivers—all day long: “In the unlikely event of the loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Securely place your mask on first, before helping anyone next to you who may need assistance.” That small directive, which I call the “Delta Doctrine,” contains applicable wisdom for so many circumstances— but probably none as poignant as for those of us serving as a caregiver for a chronically ill or disabled loved one. Have you noticed that they don’t tell you how to open the peanuts or pretzels—which are surprisingly difficult?  Nor do they explain how to use the atomic suction device known as a lavatory. I suppose they think we will just figure those things out on our own!  But every flight attendant, pilot, and every government and civilian entity associated with flying will remind us to put our masks on first. Why? Because they know it’s counter-intuitive to human beings.  When a loved one is in peril, we simply throw caution to the wind and race in to help. Listen to the podcast from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER the radio show.   

Watching someone suffer with chronic pain remains a heartbreaking reality for so many caregivers. As a spouse of a chronic pain sufferer (Gracie's dealt with this for 36 years), I personally understand the frustration, despair, grief, and helplessness in watching a loved one suffer.  Laura called the show to share her difficulties as she watches her husband suffer. One of consistent challenges caregivers face in this particular journey is despair and feeling isolated and alone ...feeling that God has abandoned them.  We're not alone, and God hasn't abandoned us.  Listen to the conversation.  Brought to you by:

As anyone who’s moved knows, things can get lost or misplaced in the process. In our recent move to Southwest Montana, my scattered mind led me to drop my debit card in the parking lot of a grocery store in Bozeman. (Granted, I've got all this head ...and so little brain, but I'd like to think that I can normally keep from hurling my debit card to the ground.) Meet the wonderful individual who found it, tracked me down, and returned it safely.  Her name is Kylie Stier and she is the business manager at Bozeman Lodge.  You will love meeting her ...and learning more about this wonderful individual!  Thank you Kylie - you saved me a LOT of headache, and are a breath of fresh air to meet in this world!  "Live the way you choose - in style and comfort, surrounded by good friends and modern amenities in the beautiful Gallatin Valley. Bozeman Lodge is a warm and friendly community with a full range of amenities and a full schedule of social, educational and recreational opportunities."   Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER - the nation's #1 broadcast show for the family caregiver. 

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER the radio show June 30, 2019. Defending your faith ...to yourself.  Sometimes the challenges we faces as caregivers overwhelm us and we falter. While many of us know the words to say to others about faith, hope, and God, do we know what to say to our own hearts that are struggling? One of my favorite passages in Scripture is 1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God. Do we know how to strengthen ourselves in the Lord? What does that even mean?  We talk about that in this episode.  In addition, a caller (Laura) shares her struggle as she cares for her husband who lives with chronic pain. At the very end of the show, a surprise gift from Vickie in MS who let's us know an amazing turn around in her life in dealing with her abusive, drug-addict son with PTSD.  Brought to you by:

"Our Circumstances May Not Be Able to Change, But We Can Change."  - Mary Tutterow, The Heart of the Caregiver  Mary called the show to share her journey, insights, and her new book, The Heart of the Caregiver  Mary and her husband Winn have two adult children and live in Charleston, South Carolina. Their daughter, Mary Addison, has cognitive and physical challenges and an active seizure disorder. They also cared for Winn’s mother through cancer and dementia. A former anchorwoman and marketing executive, Mary now writes, speaks and leads online and in-person small groups for caregivers. Mary's new book: https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/         

Sandi Floria quickly moved  to intense concern when her 42-year-old husband repeatedly dropped the baby food while feeding their infant.  The puzzled look on his face signaled more than just clumsy hands, and she jumped into action  - because she understood warning signs of a stroke. Sandi called the show to share her story, their journey, and their ministry, Compassion Radio. Sandi's husband Bram has been the Full-Time Host of  Compassion Radio and President of Compassion Ventures since December, 2016.  For ten years he served as Executive Producer for the daily broadcast, which now reaches tens of thousands through a network of nearly 500 radio stations with 1000 releases a day. Bram met Sandi in 1984 while doing Missions Work together in Eastern Europe. Apart and together, they led teams of Christian musicians on Evangelistic Crusades throughout Western Europe, the Soviet Bloc, Africa and Southeast Asia. As a Development Director for Continental Ministries and Christian Artists, Inc., Bram helped advance the arts in creative worship on three continents. Today, the Florias live on 30 acres of what they call their ‘Texas Paradise’ where they’ve raised their four children.   From the National Stroke Association: A stroke is a “brain attack”. It can happen to anyone at any time. It occurs when blood flow to an area of brain is cut off. When this happens, brain cells are deprived of oxygen and begin to die. When brain cells die during a stroke, abilities controlled by that area of the brain such as memory and muscle control are lost. How a person is affected by their stroke depends on where the stroke occurs in the brain and how much the brain is damaged. For example, someone who had a small stroke may only have minor problems such as temporary weakness of an arm or leg. People who have larger strokes may be permanently paralyzed on one side of their body or lose their ability to speak. Some people recover completely from strokes, but more than 2/3 of survivors will have some type of disability.   Use F-A-S-T to Remember the Warning Signs of a Stroke FACE: Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop? ARMS: Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward? SPEECH: Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is their speech slurred or strange? TIME: If you observe any of these signs, call 9-1-1 immediately.   Stroke By The Numbers Each year nearly 800,000 people experience a new or recurrent stroke. A stroke happens every 40 seconds. Stroke is the fifth leading cause of death in the U.S. Every 4 minutes someone dies from stroke. Up to 80 percent of strokes can be prevented. Stroke is the leading cause of adult disability in the U.S. https://www.stroke.org/understand-stroke/what-is-stroke/

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER air date June 6/22/2019 Special guest: Mary Tutterow. Mary and her husband Winn have two adult children and live in Charleston, South Carolina. Their daughter, Mary Addison, has cognitive and physical challenges and an active seizure disorder. They also cared for Winn’s mother through cancer and dementia. A former anchorwoman and marketing executive, Mary now writes, speaks and leads online and in-person small groups for caregivers. Mary's new book: https://theheartofthecaregiver.com/ 

We are thrilled to welcome HOME RULE as a sponsor on our North Carolina affiliates.  www.homerule.net "Care-taking is a full-time job. We believe that families should be able to access the benefits they are receiving. When you are understaffed, you lose that time: sleeping time, working time, family time, restoration time- YOUR time." Home Rule offers Skilled Nursing Services as well as Companion/Sitter Services in North Carolina in the following countries: Catawba, Lincoln, Gaston, Burke, Iredell, McDowell, Caldwell, Alexander, Mecklenburg, Cabarrus, Stanly, Rowan, Davie, Forsyth, Buncombe, Watauga, Wilkes, Yadkin, Avery, and Cleveland Counties.  A primary difference is that Home Rule families have the ability to reach out to nurses within our organization directly and create and manage their own schedules, with assistance from our caring and friendly staff whenever desired or necessary. Home Rule gives you ALL the tools you need to manage your loved ones’ care schedule, to choose your own nurses from within our staff who best meet your needs. Home Rule helps assist and facilitate twenty-four hours a day. 1-828-679-1289 25 1st Street NE, Suite 103 Hickory, NC 28601

From June 8, 2019 on American Family Radio, this episode features an important safety/fraud tip ...along with moving calls such as Paul- who is dying of cancer and wants to better care for his wife through this process. 

As caregivers, we need to lighten up ...it's just a fact. We often daily see  serious, painful, and heartbreaking things, and we certainly cry enough tears ...but do we laugh? Sadly, many of us don't ...and won't without a bit of help. I've always loved stand up comics, and one of my favorites is Jeff Allen. From the moment I heard his voice, delivery, and act ...I was hooked!  He's on a new tour right now ...and I highly recommend you catching his show at a venue near you!   Jeff called the show, shared his story and his philosophy of humor and life!  As caregivers, we serve ourselves well to not wait for a "accidental" laugh, but to intentionally engage in things that can lighten our hearts. For me, it's stand up comics, funny movies, books, and shows. Along the way, those regular moments of laughter help me better shift the challenges I face so that they don't seem so crushing at times. This doesn't just apply to me, however. Gracie loves to laugh ...and I love making her laugh.  How about you?    

During dark and difficult times, my pastor stood by me and my family. Shepherding us, he helped us work tough things, heal, and take on new roles such as this radio show. Jim Bachmann's ministry in our lives helped us launch Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach in West Africa as well as our family caregiver outreach.  Jim reflects on his nearly forty years as a minister and things he learned about caring for the suffering and brokenhearted. Jim is the senior pastor of Stephens Valley Church  https://www.stephensvalleychurch.com/   

David from Ohio called the show with deep emotion as he struggled caring for his son who is on the autism spectrum.  At thirteen, David's son is a handful ...and David broke down trying to wrap his mind around getting his son through to adulthood.  We discussed this and took the conversation into a path he didn't expect: the relationship between David and his wife ...as well as an important self-defense lesson I learned from my martial arts instructor. As caregivers, we often live in the wreckage of our future ...and fear the worst. Yet, we're not there in the future, so we don't have to be held hostage by something that hasn't happened. in our conversation, David discovered the opportunities available to him in the "here and now" that will greatly assist him in caring for his son through difficult times that lie ahead.