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June 5, 2022 3:30 am
Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington’s disease (HD) on my program, they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn’t understand the nature of HD. After repeated arrests for shoplifting, violent behavior, and other issues, the judge commented from the bench that she felt this was a result of “bad parenting.” Unable to address the court or defend themselves, the couple simply shared, “…we had to take it on the chin.”
A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease that brutalizes both patient and their caregivers. Sadly, the judge chose to go with a uniformed decision – and a regrettable lack of compassion.
While the judge’s comments remain grievous, how many caregivers “don the black robe” and make harsh and ill-informed pronouncements upon themselves while looking in the mirror? Countless caregivers spend way too much time condemning themselves for the out-of-control behavior of someone else. Whatever we wish for that judge to have said to this broken and despairing couple, we would benefit from posting that same message on our own bathroom mirrors.
“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.” – Abraham Lincoln
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Those of you who willingly and knowingly, voluntarily putting yourself between a vulnerable love. Worst disaster and maybe you feel totally appropriate. Maybe you are totally baby are overwhelmed. Maybe you're angry and resentful, guilty, whatever is going on.
This is the program you're in the right place. As we get it here and I'm bringing more than 35 years as a caregiver to talk about this issue to help dental caregiver stay healthy and strong as they take care of someone who is not hope for the caregiver.com. If you want some more information if you will go out there be a part of the program. You can send me a note from hope for the care of that cover some form it comes right to me and I'll be glad to engage with you on this talk with you calling from the program. Whatever is on your heart, you get something you want us to talk about will be glad to do that we change is we've already hit the main subjects of it.
If you want to go deeper with just ask. You have not because you ask not. That's what we hear there's no other program like this for the family caregiver. We are the largest program in the world. For those of you who are doing this and if you're not a caregiver to get something out of what we talked about this program is for the caregiver the one who was pushing the wheelchair, the one who is up late at night doing laundry doing the meals, taking care of things taking care of, showering, bathing, personal hygiene, all those kinds of things doctors bulbs pharmaceuticals dealing with somebody who is a mental illness and dealing with somebody who's an alcoholic or an addict child with special needs. There's so many issues that they are required, caregiver, and there's always a caregiver somewhere.
Now they may be strange from there may not be able to connect close up some of you know what I'm talking about.
You had to lay down some hard boundaries which are still there.
And speaking of challenging circumstances. Many of you probably heard the interview that I did several weeks ago with a couple who is adopted a little girl just a baby who developed Huntington's disease and then she ended up getting pregnant and having a child that also developed Huntington's disease, but she was no longer able to take care of the child because her disease is already progressive significantly. It was a nightmare for this family within the adopted their own granddaughter and took care of her and the daughter has since passed away, but the granddaughter still alive, and she's had to now be in institutionalize an adult foster care because she became so violent and they were there were an older couple. They were unable to properly care for their still with her every week they spent time with her, but there was one moment in the conversation that I wanted to start off with this program available to go somewhere with this and just just hang tight with me, as is some of you may know in your caregiving journey. Law enforcement can be a factor in certain was in this couple's case, the daughter was stealing quite a bit. She was in and compulsively stealing and and disrupting and causing all kinds of issues Huntington's disease go look it up. It is a horrible disease is called HD and they become very very aggressive pilot sometimes and and this girl had to be restrained many times taken out of the home of a straitjacket. The whole thing at one point this couple found themselves before a judge who had no idea what this disease was doing this individual when it has all the combination of of Lou Gehrig's disease of Parkinson's of Alzheimer's paranoid schizophrenia the hope that it is a horrible disease understanding for this judge, who had no clue about this disease and the judge said basically and I'm paraphrasing cells like bad parenting and and castigated the parents this judge.
She had no clue as I talked this couple and you go back and hear the interview on the podcast hope for the caregiver.com's free podcasts go back and take a listen to it.
They are the father is Dr. Hicks and he that both PhD's and he said we had to take some like you could talk back to the judge and you get fined for contempt and everything else and they just had to take never felt that way that you just had to take a quick phone call.
A quick search on the Internet and it would've helped this judge better understand what was going on in her own courtroom that she evidently was clueless about and the judge.
Sadly, chose to go with an uninformed decision and a regretful lack of compassion and I know that as you listen to this.
So many of you have been there were people have judged you harshly. They have come at you with no sales like you doing this but you was for some role with you.
Has to be something wrong with you and you doing this Robert. This roller is your fault, or that it whatever the case is there's that harsh judgment that comes in and you know what I'm talking about.
We've all been there. You do this for any length of time and there's there's always a critic who is uninformed in without compassion that while the judge's comments. You know, break your heart synergist grievance I got ASCII how many of us as caregivers put on that black room is judge and make harsh and ill-informed pronouncements upon ourselves while looking in the mirror. How many of us pronounce that kind of judgment on her own.
Soaps, countless caregivers spend way too much time condemning themselves ourselves for the out-of-control behavior of someone else and I blithely take just a moment whatever you wish, that judge had said to those parents who were just beyond the pale of of weary in an overwhelmed they have been doing everything they knew to do whatever we wish. That judge had said to those parents. How about we say the same thing to ourselves whatever we you know message of compassion and understanding that judge we wish that she is said to those parents have that we write it on a post note and put it on her own mirror. Would that be something that would be appropriate for you and me. I think it would be, you know, I've got a post note on my office door from a hint that I love the human skull praising the Lord, the Almighty probably know that if he does a great him like that. But there's one line and there ponder a new what the Almighty can do this on a Post-it note, I've had it for 5+ years get the same post note so my office door ponder a new what the Almighty can do. You see we have a judge doesn't look at us this way because of Christ, and he has mercy and his mercy is new every morning what you're dealing with is a caregiver is beyond you if you think it's not you haven't done it long enough. It is beyond you and it will take you into some very dark places. See the judge that we appear before has compassion that has mercy because of Christ. He took all that dysfunction so that we can go to him and receive mercy. What Post-it notes are you putting on your door ponder a new what the Almighty can do Abraham Lincoln once said, I have always found mercy bears richer fruits than strict just to talk about that more than the excitement. This Peter Rosenberg this is hope for the caregiver, hope for the caregiver.com will be right