I Think It's About Forgiveness

Live on American Family Radio, this is Peter Rozenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. This is hope for the caregiver. Hope for the caregiver is a conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and dare I say it, a more joyful life as we care for someone with a chronic impairment. Maybe you're taking care of an aging loved one.

Maybe you've got a special needs child. In my case, a wife who has severe trauma from a wreck she had 38 years ago. Whatever the impairment, there's always a caregiver. And this show is about strengthening you and helping you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. If you want to be a part of the show, 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. And as we are prone to do on this show, I'd like to take a hymn and ask you if you know it. If you do, give me a call and then tell me why this song is important to you. We're going to talk about why this song particularly applies to us today as caregivers. What this song will hopefully illuminate to us and other things that we're going to discuss today. And as always, if you have something going on that is not related to what we're talking about, feel free to call.

It's okay. We'll come to a screeching halt and discuss whatever's on your heart and mind. We don't like to give advice on this show because that's really not what this is about. I can't tell you how to take care of your loved one anymore than you tell me how to take care of mine. This show is not about caregiving and the task of caregiving. The show is what's going on in your heart. That's what we're about here on this show.

Because if your heart is a train wreck, guess what will happen to your wallet, to your body, to your relationships, to your job, all those kinds of things. And in the frame of caregiving, we deal with the human condition and the heartache that arises in us as we struggle in this area. And there are relentless struggles for so many. I was talking to a friend of ours, a couple friend of ours down the road here where we live.

Well, a ways down the road because we live in a very rural area of Montana. And they have a young man, a special needs child. And he's, I think about 20, 21, having tons of seizures right now.

And he's got all kinds of challenges going on. He's bedridden all the time. And they're having just seizures repeatedly. And this is for families, especially children who have cognitive issues and all kinds of other health related issues. When you have those ongoing things like seizures and so forth, it just wears you down.

How do you stay strong and healthy in that? And that's what we discuss on the shows of ways to point us back to safety. But here's the opening hymn.

And I'll step over here to the caregiver keyboard. See if you know this. See if you know this, too. This is the course. I love this course.

This is where I really want you to kind of live today. Mark was telling me when I was playing this before we went on the air, it sounded like I was on a Christian cruise ship. Anyway, I love this hymn. And if you know this hymn, feel free to give me a call.

888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. Words matter. Words matter. And all too often, we throw words around with great sentiment, but little thought. And one of those words is forgiveness. We're going to talk about that today, forgiveness. And of all the weighty words in our vocabulary, forgiveness seems to be the one that gets the most disrespect. You ever see on courtrooms where they have, you know, when there's a horrific trial going on and they interview the family and they're all emotional, distraught, and they cry out, we forgive him, we forgive him, that kind of thing. And you kind of look at that and say, wow. Do they know what they're saying?

Are they engaged in what they're actually saying? You see this with those who are pressured by family and friends to say, you've got to forgive them. That was in the past. Let that go. You need to forgive them. And then they also tell you you want to forgive and forget. And then many struggle with the concept of forgiving themselves. What does forgiveness even mean? And that's what I'd like to spend a little bit of time here today with you all, because I think that as a caregiver, you're faced quite extensively with the opportunity to forgive. Some of you are taking care of loved ones who left horrible wounds in you as a child or whatever throughout your life.

And now you're in a position where you're taking care of them. And the bitterness is just so close to the surface. And you're thinking, well, they're not asking for forgiveness. And my question to you is, is forgiveness predicated on somebody soliciting it? Do you have to be asked to forgive before you offer forgiveness? What really is forgiveness? And I'll start off with saying what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the offense didn't matter or that it even can be forgotten by us. Now, God is able to do things that we cannot with forgiveness. But forgiveness doesn't minimize the offense. In essence, forgiveness is this willingness that we have to take our hands off of someone else's throats. We are positioning ourselves to be their judge, jury and executioner by harboring unforgiveness. And when you forgive someone, you're willing to let justice be done to that person that is beyond you.

It is not, even though emotions come with it, it's not just this emotional thing where we get all, you know, you have the wonderful orchestra playing and all this kind of stuff. It's a decision of the will that often requires a daily decision of the will to walk in that forgiveness. So, for example, if somebody's done a horrific crime, you can forgive them. But it doesn't mean that they are released from the judgment of life of the authorities or God.

It just means you are not participating in that. You are relinquishing that to somehow be their judge, jury and executioner. Now, some people you are harboring unforgiveness towards may not even know that we're doing it. They may be just completely clueless that you have unforgiveness. But when you have unforgiveness, you're not completely clueless about it.

And it gnaws at you and it eats at you. And this is where so many caregivers are living. There is this great turmoil within our hearts, and it may be towards our loved one, ourselves, family, friends, your pastor, physicians, medical staff, maybe it's, you know, that people aren't helping you the way that you would think they would want it, that you would want them to help you and they're just leaving you just hanging. There's all kinds of scenarios where unforgiveness festers.

How do we deal with this as caregivers? We're going to talk about that some more. We want to be a part of that conversation. 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope of the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosemerger.

This is the show for you as a family caregiver. That is Gary Chapman on Treasure, one of my all-time favorite songs. I told him that I was going to put that in the bumper rotation here for the show because I love that song. And I appreciate him writing that. And I just love that song.

888-589-8840. We're talking about forgiveness for us as caregivers. And what does that look like? What does that mean for us?

How do we function in this? Can you forgive and forget? I don't know that that's even required.

God does that. He puts it as far away from us, deep in the ocean. I don't know that that's required for us to forget it. I think that the requirement is for us to release this and let it go.

Not saying that it doesn't matter. I said in my book, Hope for the Caregiver, lose the grudges, keep the boundaries. It's okay to keep boundaries. In fact, it's important to keep boundaries. In fact, it's imperative to keep boundaries.

But you don't have to walk in bitterness. And this is so important. Where does this start? Well, it starts in our hymn for today. And I've got quite a few folks that want to weigh in on that particular hymn.

And if you want to talk about that, please feel free. You don't have to. Just because somebody else got it, the name of the hymn. We're not just doing, you know, name that tune here. We're doing this. Why is this song important to you?

What did it mean to you? And so I want to start off with Roger in Arkansas. Roger, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling real good, sir.

You know this song? Yes, sir. What is it? At Calvary. At Calvary. You know who wrote it? Mercy there was great.

I know I don't know who wrote it. His name was Bill Newell. There's a great story behind that. But, yeah, mercy there was great and grace was free. Pardon there was multiplied to me. There my – There my burning, shallow, fam liberty. At Calvary. Isn't that a great hymn? Isn't that a great hymn? And I love that.

Pardon there was multiplied to me. I love that. I just love the way he turned that phrase. And my soul found liberty.

At Calvary. Do you remember the first time you heard that? By the way, Roger, I played that a little different than what you probably heard it the first time you heard it. Is that a fair statement?

That's a fair statement. Well, tell me what that means to you about forgiveness and the mercy that you received at Calvary. Tell me very quickly what that means to you. I know I didn't have a chance to meet my God if it hadn't been for Calvary. And in Sunday school last Sunday we was talking about that. And the cross, you know, people's got the cross and the crucifix that hang around their neck and so forth. That wasn't nothing but a tree.

It had nothing to do with Calvary. It's Christ giving up his life for me that what I had to do. He made that tree that he hung on.

Indeed he did. Well listen, Roger, I do appreciate the call on that. I'm going to head to another call. This is Bruce in Ohio. Bruce, good morning. How are you feeling? Good. How are you?

I'm alright. Did you know this one as well? Oh yes, at Calvary. Did you know who wrote it? Well, the guy's name was Bill. Bill Newell. And there's a great story about Bill Newell that I'll tell in a little bit here. But tell me why this song is important to you, Bill.

I mean, Bruce. Well, I grew up in a good Christian church. But you listen to the words and there's just such a deep message in there. And where God says that he multiplied his grace upon me and you and everyone. He didn't add it. It was multiplied.

You know, it's just over. You can only get so much out of addition, but when you multiply you can get big numbers. You can get a lot of grace, a lot of mercy. Mercy there was great and grace was free. And pardon there was multiplied to me. And I love that word multiplied.

I think this may be the only hymn that I know of that has that word in it. And that it was multiplied to me. And there's a great story about this man that wrote this. And there's an extraordinary journey that he had. He was a pastor's son and I'm a pastor's son. And he was evidently a real challenge to his pastor father. And I would share that I've been a real challenge to my pastor father on more than one occasion. No way. And the pastor wrote to the president of Moody Bible Institute and said, Look, I got this son who is really causing me some challenges.

Can you all take him? Basically, I'm paraphrasing. And he went over there and they said some strict guidelines for him. And then he, through that process, he really came into a relationship with Christ. He ended up becoming a teacher at Moody Bible Institute.

And one time, I think he was an assistant superintendent or something like that. He was rushing to class and he stepped into an empty classroom and wrote this song. As he was rushing to class. Years I spent in vanity and pride. Caring not my Lord was crucified. Knowing not it was for me he died on Calvary. And, you know, by God's word at last my sin I learned. Then I trembled at the law I'd spurned till my guilty soul imploring turn to Calvary. Mercy there was great and grace was free.

Pardon there was multiplied to me. There my burdened soul found liberty at Calvary. If we understand what we've been forgiven, the more we understand what we've been forgiven, the greater drive we have in our hearts to offer that same forgiveness to others who have offended us along the way.

And that's the point that we want to make today. So I appreciate that you got that and you knew that tune, Bruce. And tell me very quickly in just a minute or so, tell me what forgiveness has meant to you in your life. The forgiveness that you've received and the forgiveness that you've extended.

What has that meant to you? Well, I went through a bad divorce and I had to choose whether to forgive her or to get even with her. And I had to let go. Let go and let God, you know.

And it was bad, you know. But through it all God has made me a stronger, better Christian man and I'm very thankful for that. And it helps you to understand that I'm not perfect, but yet I've been forgiven from Christ, you know, for the sins that I have committed.

And it makes you so much so thankful for a song like that that you have this morning of how forgiven we are, you know. We're all sinners. We've all come up short. None of us reach, you know, sinless perfection here on earth. We strive to be the very best, strongest Christian that we can do. But somewhere we'll maybe get a little angry with somebody, even inside or something, you know. And we've got to say, well, wait a minute, that's the human side. I mean, we've got to get back and see what God would have us to do, you know. And it doesn't mean, Bruce, it doesn't mean that it didn't matter. What went on in your divorce and the things that you struggled with, those things mattered. They had consequence.

They had weight to them and they were devastating wounds. But it does mean that we're taking, like I said in the opening block, we're taking our hands off of someone else's throat, that I am not responsible to judge and execute them. And I'm going to turn that over to God where it belongs. And I'm going to walk peacefully this, but you keep boundaries. You still keep boundaries. Yes. You don't have to keep sticking your hand into the same blender. And, you know, and so you keep boundaries. You don't put your hand on top of God's face again. Yeah.

I mean, you know, Ronald Reagan, one of my favorites, trust but verify, you know. And you don't have to continue to put yourself in that situation. However, you're not walking around with so much rage inside your own heart.

And sometimes they don't even know you have it. And people say, well, they didn't ask for forgiveness. Well, that doesn't matter. You can have forgiveness no matter. Forgiveness is for the wounded. Reconciliation is for the perpetrator. Yeah, it's our choice, you know.

I'm going to say that again. Forgiveness is for the wounded, reconciliation is for the perpetrator. We can forgive whether they've asked or not. That's why, you know, if somebody's already passed away or they have Alzheimer's and they're not able to ask forgiveness for things that they've done that were just devastating, they don't have it in them, you can still extend forgiveness. You may not be able to be reconciled to them because of disease or death or impairment or whatever, or there are a lot of different circumstances why you cannot be reconciled. But that doesn't mean that you cannot forgive.

Absolutely. And this is so important to us as a caregiver. I've often said on this show that caregiving does not stop at the cemetery. The issues for caregivers does not stop at the cemetery because we have to walk in some things post the caregiving task that have traumatized our own souls.

I've talked to way too many people who are struggling in that area. And so part of that is forgiveness. And we walk in forgiveness trusting that he is equipping us to do so. Bruce, I appreciate you understanding the text of that hymn so well and knowing it. And thank you so much for calling in and I really do appreciate it.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is the show for you as a family caregiver and we are so glad that you are with us today.

888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. We're so glad that you're with us. That's my wife Gracie with Russ Taft off of her CD Resilient. And if you want to get a copy of that go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com and be a part of what we're doing here in the show. We'll send you a copy of her CD. It's a great record, a testament of her journey, of what she's endured and she's lived to sing about it.

And does an amazing job. She's got some great duets on there that I think you'll find very meaningful. And we'd ask that you, if you like what you're hearing on the show, if you feel like it has value to you and you want other people to be able to hear it, help us do it more. Help us do it better. And you can go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com and be a part of it.

Whatever you want, you can support the show. We have a prosthetic limb ministry that you've heard Gracie talk about. And we've got patients that we're sponsoring right now even though we cannot travel to Africa where we've been doing this for 15 years. We're sending supplies. We have a prosthetic limb recycling program where inmates help us recycle prosthetic limbs. All these things, you can help us do this more with your tax-deductible gift to this ministry.

You can go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com, click on the Giving tab, and we'll send you a copy of Gracie's CD there. All right, let's go Alan. Alan in Texas. Good morning, Alan.

How are you feeling? Yes, fine. Can you play that song in three, four times?

Three, four times? I would prefer not to. Okay. Okay.

Is there a reason why I should? It just sounds a little more waltzy or melodic or something. That's all. I don't think I could do that this morning that early in the morning. I'd have to work at that one. Even if it was written in four, four times.

Yes, I know. Tell me about why this means something to you to do it in a waltzy format. It's not like you're plodding along one, two, three, four. It's just kind of smooth, I guess, to me.

I play the piano some, and it just kind of flows from one standard to the next, from one major to the next, it seems like. You know, I've played this thing for so many years, I don't think I could do it in three, four times without having a brain collision. And I prefer, if it's alright with you Alan, I prefer not to have a brain collision on the air any more than I already do. That's alright, that wouldn't be good.

No, it would not be good. Anyway, I'm number three and it's at Calvary. At Calvary. I just didn't dial in quite soon enough. That's alright, you dialed in just fine. The point is not to see who wins the name that tune, the point is do we know that song and what it means? Years I spent in vanity and pride, caring not my Lord. And when you realize that this guy was a son of a pastor who had heard the message of the gospel, but clearly, by his own admission, didn't care. Caring not, my Lord was crucified.

And I thought, wow, what a great testament and how many millions of people have found great strength and comfort in Christ in this hymn. And it is still powerful to us today to walk in this, because once we understand how much we've been forgiven, then that's what is the game changer for us as we learn to forgive. Matthew 6.14, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Mark 11.25, when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. There's so many things out there that discuss this concept of forgiveness. It's in pardoning that we are pardoned, St. Francis of Assisi said. And one of my favorite quotes about this is from Mark Twain. And he says, forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds, the flower, the violet, forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Well, I thought, wow, that is a beautiful quote there.

So, well, all right, Alan, I tell you what, I'm going to let you go and try to play this in 3-4. And I admire you for taking on that task. And then if you let me know how that went, because that's a challenge I'm not up to this early in the morning. So thank you so much for calling on that.

Appreciate that. This is Linda in Tennessee. Linda, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling blessed. Mainly, I'm kind of still a caregiver for my husband. He had a heart attack and then a stroke less than a month later, and that's been five years ago.

And he's done amazingly well. And thank God for healing through the Lord Jesus Christ. But my comment is mainly the forgiveness. I had deep anger and bitterness pent up for probably 25, 30 years. And I guess you could say earlier this year, I finally just, I held on to it long enough. And when I forgave the person that caused all the hurt so long ago, it was like a millstone was just taken off my neck.

And I'm so much lighter now. And the good Lord has shown me so much, so much. And He has reminded me over and over again, for when you forgive, I will forgive you. Did that individual ask you for forgiveness?

No. That's my point, is that we don't have to have someone ask us in order for us to extend this. This is something we can do right here, right now, today. While this show, before this show ends today, we can offer forgiveness to someone. And it doesn't necessarily mean it's also a one and done.

We may have to offer this throughout the day, throughout tomorrow, for weeks on end. But it becomes a part of our life. You don't accidentally forgive someone. Correct. It doesn't happen.

It's intentional. When I forgave this person, I forgave them. I could not be face to face, but I forgave them over the phone. And I could hear the pause in their voice, and it almost sounded like they had started crying. So I'm hoping that I pass that along, that they would forgive others that have hurt them.

Well, maybe they will, maybe they won't. That's not the point. The point is for you to walk in forgiveness, recognizing how much we've been forgiven by our Savior.

What God did through Christ's sacrifice, that's the point. And I think that the key for us is to, are we going to intentionally do this and walk in this with deliberateness and say, I am not going to hold on to that. I'm going to take my hands off of their throat. And it doesn't mean that what they did doesn't matter.

That's something I really want to drive home today. The wounds are grievous. The wounds are often horrific. It doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. It means that you are not judge, jury and executioner. And there may be tremendous consequences for these individuals.

And in many cases, there should be. But that doesn't mean you're the person who is dispensing that. The only consequence that you can offer is extending forgiveness, your presence, all those kinds of things. You can remove your presence and you don't have to be in relationship with someone who is abusive.

But you can forgive. And it doesn't mean you're minimizing the sin or the abuse. It means that you are letting go of this and trusting that God himself will deal with this. And he may choose to deal with this through the authorities. He may choose to deal with this through a variety of means. But he will deal with it. And we, on the other hand, can walk in peace in this. Oh, by the way, I knew the song, At Calvary, and I just love that song.

I love that song. And I didn't know this guy was a fellow pastor son like I was who had caused his dad a lot of stress. My dad wasn't necessarily a pastor, but he was a deacon. Well, did you cause your dad stress? Oh, yes.

All of his children have caused him stress. Well, I've given my dad, I have four brothers and a sister, and my mom and dad listen every week to the show. And I love to needle them a little bit. But of all my brothers and sisters, I would suggest to you that I have been one that has caused a few eyebrows to raise.

Is that a diplomatic way of saying it? Oh, yeah. Well, where'd that one come from kind of thing? Well, and quite truthfully, and mom will admit it, because I'm so much like my mother, she can't deny where I came from.

But you know what? This is a great story that this hymn writer who had caused so much angst that prompted his father to write to the head of Moody Bible Institute to say, hey, can y'all do something with this kid? And then he ended up not only becoming a believer, but then ended up going on to train and educate and equip, and then through his music now inspire a lifetime of untold millions of people. Because here you are, you and I are talking about this song today, and I've got the hymnal right here.

I don't know, it doesn't say when he wrote it, but this has been some time ago that he wrote this hymn. And so anyway, well, listen, I appreciate that very much, Linda. Thank you for calling and sharing this story of forgiveness. It's a big part of our journey as caregivers. It's a big part of our journey as believers.

It is the part. Well, thank you very much on this and you as well. This is why we do this show is because these are the issues we face as caregivers. The issue is not, you know, how to better deal with an insurance company or injections or, you know, changing dressings and filing claims and all this stuff. Those are important issues.

I've done it for a lifetime. Gracie's had this enormous medical journey over almost four decades. But the issue still remains in the heart. Forgiveness. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver.

We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to Hope of Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. Today, we are discussing forgiveness and what that means to us as caregivers. Now, those of you who listen to the show regularly know that we've had all types of calls to the show, where we've discussed issues similar to this, where we have people calling in who are dealing with horrific situations, whether it's taking care of, in fact, I remember one caller vividly who was taking care of his father, who was an abusive alcoholic, and then he's fallen later in life, and he's having to take care of him.

His father hadn't stopped drinking, and he said, Every time I'm around him, I feel like I'm just a kid again, having to deal with this. And these are not easy things, and these people that will tell you that they, Oh, yeah, we just forgive him, and you kind of wonder how shallow that's going with them. And I'm not there to lay judgment on them, I'm just simply saying, I kind of give a little bit of step back on that. I remember one time I was watching on a Christian network, a band was up there playing, and they were just rocking out. I mean, they were just going. The bass was thumping, and the guitar guy was just, I mean, they were just going at it, dancing around the stage and everything else. And the text that they were singing to all this music that they were playing was, I have been crucified with Christ, I have been crucified, and they were just thumping on this thing. And I was amazed at the disconnect, because what they're saying and what they're doing are not matching up. Do you understand the magnitude of what you're saying, that I have been crucified with Christ, while you're thumping around on a bass and doing guitar riffs on this?

And the drummer's back there just in a cage and kicking it. Do you understand what you're saying? And I think that it's important for us to speak out of intelligence and out of awareness when we say that we're forgiving someone. It is not some kind of production we do on the evening news, it is not this kind of thing.

It is a deliberate thing when you get up in the morning, when you go to bed at night, and you walk in this. There are wounds that are so grievous that you give respect to the wounds by not making this big production about how I've forgiven this person. Nobody needs to even know. They'll know from your demeanor, they'll know from your actions. This is not necessarily something you need to broadcast out. This is between you and God, really. And maybe that person, but that person may not be around to be even able to engage with it. And they don't have to solicit from you your forgiveness in order for you to give it.

Now, that's always nice. That's part of the reconciliation process. And I remember one time I was dealing with a, found myself embroiled in a church conflict, and there ain't no fight like a church fight, y'all. And I remember this guy got up and said this, and he was a learned man, and he should have known better. Longtime pastor. And he said, there can be no healing without repentance. And afterwards, because I'm who I am, and sometimes I get ahead of myself and decide to poke the bear, I pulled him aside, and I said, and this guy had me by, I don't know, he's got me by 30 years. I mean, he's been around a long time, and like I said, he's a very learned man. I said, your thing says there can be no healing without repentance.

It's really not accurate. Repentance is for the perpetrator. But healing can occur without someone else repenting of that to the offended party. The offended party can walk in healing. Forgiveness is what facilitates the healing in the wounded party. And we could be healed through that, regardless of what that individual does. There are plenty of people sitting in prisons all over the country who have not repented. But their victims have walked in forgiveness and have gone on to walk in healing through this. You see the difference? And it may seem subtle.

It may seem I'm trying to nuance it too much. But for me, it was very important that people understand that, you know, because if you're taking care of somebody with Alzheimer's, for example, they're not going to be able to repent of some of the things that you're still struggling with that they did to you. And I know people in this situation right now. I know people who are taking care of aging parents right this moment, today, this morning, who are harboring some very difficult, painful things. And that parent is not able to offer any type of apologies or reconciliation or repentance or anything. So what is the person supposed to do?

What's the caregiver supposed to do? Well, the only way towards healing for that caregiver is to walk in forgiveness. But that person has not asked for it. They may not even be capable of asking for it.

They may be dead. But can we still walk in forgiveness? And I say to you, yes, we can. And part of this is why I did this hymn today. Mercy there was great and grace was free.

Pardon there was multiplied to me. There my burdened soul found liberty at Calvary. And once we understand that it always starts at the cross, where we ourselves are forgiven. We were forgiven when we were enemies with God. And He gives us, through the power of His Holy Spirit, the ability to even ask for forgiveness, to repent. Luther said we have to repent of our repenting.

We don't even know how to repent well. And the more we walk in that, the more we're going to understand this concept. But as we walk in forgiveness, we are never minimizing the sin, the offense, the wound. We respect it for what it is.

It is trauma. We don't have to minimize it. But we don't have to preside over its execution. Or that person's judgment. That is not our responsibility. And we can keep healthy boundaries. And we can trust God to work through these things so that we're not bound to this. Do you have any concept what bitterness and unforgiveness does to your soul?

It rots us. And I bet you could come up with somebody right now that you know who's just bitter. And kind of just picture that a little bit.

Maybe you're in that place. The grace that was extended to you while you were yet in enmity with God, then can flow through you to extend to others. That is the journey towards healing, even if they don't ask for it. Jesus hung on the cross and said, Father, forgive them for they don't know what they're doing. They were not asking for forgiveness.

They were not repenting. And he's extending forgiveness and asking his father for this. Can we appropriate that as caregivers? Yeah, we can. And I would suggest to you that this is the way that we can walk peacefully in the midst of this great sorrow that we have to deal with as caregivers. And we will grieve. We will weep. But we will not grieve in despair or rage. We can mourn over the brokenness without being destroyed by it.

Are you tracking with me? Many of you right now are dealing with horrific wounds that have been leveled on you that have pierced your soul like nothing else. And it's crippling you. And you're still serving as a caregiver often for the very person who did the wounds. Or you got family and friends who are just brutalizing you in the way you're trying to take care of somebody, but they're not helping you. Or you got a doctor that made a terrible decision or whatever, sent you down a path and you're paying the consequences for years later.

There's all kinds of scenarios. Maybe you got a pastor that you went to and you were struggling and they just dismissed you and they said something that was just off the cuff or whatever and it leveled judgment. Do you know how many people over... I've been taking care of Gracie 35 years. She's been hurt for 38 years. Do you know how many times we've had bad theology thrown at us? If you had more faith, God would heal you. People have actually said that to my wife. You can't carry that.

It's too much. You know, when Gracie was faced with amputating her right leg, this is her first amputation. And I remember these two ladies came up and I'm trying to disparage anybody. But they told her that she was in rebellion for giving up her leg, that God was going to heal her in June and she was going to give up her leg in March. And God was going to heal her and she was in rebellion to do this surgery. Do you realize the kind of hubris that takes from people?

And what that did to my wife who's 25 years old and she was struggling and I was 20 and we were just kids. And we're struggling with this horrific decision of this broken limb and these nut jobs come up and say stuff like that to us. How many of you all have experienced that kind of thing? And you have to walk in forgiveness and realize I'm not in charge of that.

I'm going to keep healthy boundaries. I'm not going to be around these people. But I'm not going to harbor that kind of bitterness. It probably sounds like it as I recounted that story this morning, but I'm not. It was just a teachable moment. And we've moved on past that by many, many, many years. But the point is, is that's the kind of grievous things that could be done to people. But are we walking in forgiveness with it as we have been forgiven?

And that's how that's the path to healthiness for us as caregivers and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberg. Go to HopeForTheCaregiver.com for a podcast, books, music, all that kind of stuff.

It's all available for you. We'll see you next week. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife, Gracie. And recently, Peter talked to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey. Take a listen. Gracie, when you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach, did you ever think that inmates would help you do that?

Not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by CoreCivic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs, that you have helped collect from all over the country, that you put out the plea for, and they're disassembling. You see all these legs, like what you have, your own prosthetic legs. And arms, too.

And arms. When you see all this, what does that do to you? Makes me cry, because I see the smiles on their faces, and I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out.

Of course, being in the hospital so much and so long. These men are so glad that they get to be doing, as one band said, something good finally with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled? No, I had no idea. I thought of peg leg, I thought of wooden legs. I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and sea legs and all that.

I never thought about that. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that they're helping other people now walk, providing the means for these supplies to get over there, what does that do to you, just on a heart level? I wish I could explain to the world what I see in there. And I wish that I could be able to go and say, this guy right here, he needs to go to Africa with us. I never not feel that way.

Every time, you know, you always make me have to leave, I don't want to leave them. I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that I would have never expected, that only God could put together. Now that you've had an experience with it, what do you think of the faith-based programs that CoreCivic offers? I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one, is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't have them. And I think that that says so much.

That doesn't have anything to do with me. It just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate a used prosthetic limb, whether from a loved one who passed away or somebody who outgrew them, you've donated some of your own. How do they do that? Where do they find it? Oh, please go to standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Thanks, Gracie.