Peach Cobbler

What do you say to a caregiver?

How do you help a caregiver? I was talking to this billing agent at the doctor's office and said, how are you feeling? And she said, oh great It's Friday. And before I could catch myself, I said Friday means nothing to me. Every day is Monday. And I felt kind of ashamed of that and I'm sorry for that, but I realized that whole principle of every day is Monday. What that means for us as caregivers, we know that this is going to be a challenging day. And I wrote these one-minute chapters.

You literally could read them in one minute. And I'm really proud of this book. It's called A Minute for Caregivers, when every day feels like Monday. It's filled with bedrock principles that we as caregivers can lean on, that we can depend upon to get us to safety, where we can catch our breath, take a knee if we have to, and reorient our thinking and the weight that we carry on our shoulders. If you don't know what to say to a caregiver, don't worry about it. I do. Give them this book. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. How you doing? How you holding up? What's going on with you? And I asked that question for a very specific reason because that is the starting point for us as caregivers to pushing back against that loss of identity that we we all feel at times.

We lose ourselves in someone else's story. I was doing a support group the other night on an online group. They invite me to come once a month and talk and there was a lady there and I asked her what she enjoys doing and she struggled with that. I asked her what her favorite meal was. She struggled with that, but I persisted. I wasn't going to let her go. I wanted to have that and finally she was able to identify what she likes and it was it was transformative to see on her face for her to express, hey, this is what I like.

This is what I enjoy. She felt so guilty of saying anything and because of the the challenge she has as a caregiver and the person she was taking care of was pretty consuming and I've been there. I get that. Gracie will tell you, she will tell you to your face that she had to beat it out of me of what my favorite dessert was. Because I would just eat anything. I mean, granted, I grew up with four brothers and a sister and a large family and I was grateful to have food, you know.

I've got to tell you all this. The first time I brought Gracie home to meet my family, and it wasn't even my whole family, and Gracie grew up with one sister. Okay, that's the picture here. Very quiet, orderly family. Gracie and her sister were four years apart, so it was quiet there.

Not at my house. And so we're sitting around the dining room table and she takes a little bit and puts it on her plate. And I looked at her and I said, don't you want more? And she said, well, I'll get it on the second go-around. And I looked at my brother at the far end of this circle that was going to go around and playing cleanup. And I looked at Gracie and I said, baby, there ain't gonna be no more. You better get it now while you can because my brother, Jimmy, was playing cleanup. And I knew what would happen.

So yeah, I was just grateful to get anything. And finally, Gracie found out that I have a favorite dessert. Y'all want to know what it is? It's homemade peach cobbler. It's my favorite dessert. Now, I like all kinds of desserts.

If you've seen me lately, you'll know that I really like desserts and I've got to stop that. But there is something about peach cobbler I just love. And I think it goes back to growing up in rural South Carolina, and we would have, you know, covered dish dinner, dinner on the ground at church when I was young. And there was a lady in the church. Her name was Sarah Lee Drake. No kidding, Sarah Lee.

Not that Sarah Lee, but and just a delightful lady. And she would bring peach cobbler to these things. And it was the best peach cobbler I have ever had in my whole life. And I think I was just hooked from that day on. And it's hard to find somebody who can replicate what she's done.

I have, it's been a quest of mine. Now my friend, Bonnie Sue's mom, she made a blackberry cobbler that would just blow your mind and I loved it. But there was something about that peach cobbler. And I remember when Sarah Lee passed away and the first hymn that I arranged, this was back in maybe high school, maybe junior high. But I played it in honor of Sarah Lee and it was, well, I'll play it for you. Let me step over here to the caregiver keyboard.

By the way, that reminds me give a big shout out to Carl in Texas who loves a caregiver keyboard. But let's fire this thing up here and see if you know this hymn. I'll let you in on about halfway through.

All right, do you know this? In the sweet, by and by, we shall meet on a beautiful shore, in the sweet, by and by, we shall meet on a beautiful shore. In the sweet, by and by, we shall meet on a beautiful shore. That's just such a great hymn. I love that hymn and it was inspired by Sarah Lee and her wonderful peach cobbler, which I loved. And one day I'll get to hopefully play that for Sarah Lee. That was the first hymn that I arranged and performed publicly was that hymn and it was at her funeral.

Or it was the Sunday right after. I think it was at her funeral. But it was certainly there in honor of Sarah Lee and she was a delightful lady. I have nothing but just fond memories of her and I loved that peach cobbler to this day, but it took me forever to say I had something favorite because I was just grateful to get anything, you know, and yeah, part of that is growing up in a large family where you just, you know, you chow down and you you've just consumed whatever's there.

You didn't, Gracie still just like, you eat fast. I'm like, well, yeah, you know, somebody may take it. And that was kind of ingrained in me, but it's um, it's also part of the problem of being a caregiver is that we have a hard time identifying what we like and what we want, what we desire because we think it'll be denied to us and we think that maybe we don't deserve it or whatever. We have a lot of different feelings and so we stuff that and I'm asking you not to stuff it. I like peach cobbler.

I cannot lie. And the sweet bye-bye shall have some peach cobbler and some peach pie, but it's, uh, I, I think it's important for us to identify even the simple things. This lady that I talked to in this group the other day had a very hard time identifying something that she enjoyed, that she liked, and I get that.

I truly get it. But it's important for us and I'm gonna spend some time with it because it's okay for us to express the desires of our heart. We may not get those in this lifetime, okay? I don't know that I'm gonna find anybody who can make a peach cobbler like Sara Lee did.

I will continue my search and do my due diligence on that, but it may not. But that's something I enjoy. That's something I like. What do you like? What do you desire? The Lord gives us the desires of our heart. What do you desire? And I think sometimes we confuse the desires of our heart with what we want for today, you know, oh, I'd really like a million dollars.

Well, that's not really a desire of our heart. A desire of my heart, even more than peach cobbler, was the simplicity and the family and the community and the closeness I had when I sat around the table at that church growing up in South Carolina. I love that. I miss those times.

I miss those people. And that's, that's part of a desire of my heart. Peach cobbler represents that.

I know that now. And that's why I play that hymn, in the sweet by and by. And I love the verse, there's a land that is fairer than day. And by faith, we can see it afar, for the Father waits over the way to prepare us a dwelling place there.

In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore. And I think that, you know, a show for caregivers doesn't have to involve insurance companies and medical stuff and dealing with all the nuances of disease and affliction and trauma. A show for caregivers goes into the desires of our hearts.

Because that's where we can be strengthened and comforted and encouraged to know that God sees those things and those are important to God. It's not just peach cobbler. It's community. It's family. It's fellowship.

It's the communion of saints, if you will. And that desire will be met by God. What are the desires of your heart? And I'm asking you to take some time, spend some time thinking about it.

And if you say, well, I like such as I like a freshly mowed lawn or whatever, whatever it is, go deep and find out why. What is that triggering for you? What is that signifying for you? And take that to God. That's a healthy thing for us to do as caregivers and healthy caregivers make better caregivers. OK, go deeper into those desires. Find out what they mean for you. This is Peter Rosenberg and this is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back.