Hiding Place

Live on American Family Radio, this is Hope for the caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million people right now are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse, disaster.

Maybe that's you. How are you feeling? How are you doing?

What's going on with you? And that's what this show is all about, is strengthening the family caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. And you can see more at Hopeforthecaregiver.com. And we are glad that you are with us. And if you want to be a part of the show, 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. Before we get into our topic for today and the scriptures, I'm not going to give the scripture on the front end because it's going to give away the song. But I like to start off with a song. Just go to the caregiver keyboard and do a song that you may know.

And if you do know, feel free to call in. We'll talk about why this song means something to you. But the larger picture is why does this song mean something to fellow caregivers?

And what can we glean from this? So head over to the caregiver keyboard. This is a very easy little chorus that came out many years ago. And I've always loved this. A lot of people sing this as a round. We sing this as a round. But see if you know this song. Do you know that song? It's a simple little song. It's based on several places in scripture. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 if you know that song. And we're going to talk about why that applies to caregivers. you don't just now joining the show a couple weeks ago she had a bad fall and her prosthetic leg was stuck and she twisted and fell but her leg did not and her femur broke and it was a pretty traumatic and had to airlift her and she had to get surgery and yada yada yada it was it was pretty uncomfortable but she's home and she is recuperating not as well as she you know as fast as she'd like but she is doing well all things considered I've seen surgical events with her go really south and this is this has been relatively smooth considering her complications but she is home caregiver authority caregiver authority do you know what I mean when I talk about that we as caregivers have developed particularly if you've been doing this for some some time we have developed a an understanding of our loved one that is significant and significant to the medical community that will be treating them or that does treat them most people will get a couple of minutes here or there with our loved one but you and I spend a lifetime doing this in my case you know 35 years and I don't necessarily need to know the science of all that goes on with Gracie but I know Gracie and I'm there all the time and just for the longevity of what I do I pick up quite a bit now I graduate from music school you know my degree was in composition and arranging and piano principal they didn't teach me any of this stuff in music school and I talked to my piano professor at least once or twice a month from college and he's well in his 80s now and just a wonderful fellow and he I fuss at him periodically I said look you didn't you didn't cover this kind of stuff you know a music theory class but this is a this is life and and I've had to adapt and be flexible and learn on the fly so what is that knowledge worth that I've amassed over these years and I've been in many situations with medical personnel who wish to tell me to step off you know and in a polite way sometimes sometimes not so polite way and they they they jump in with both feet into Gracie situation thinking that they are going to do this and this and this and you know I can't always that's a difficult thing to navigate because I don't want to interfere but at the same time if she gets hurt because they do something out of ignorance to the complexities of her case I have to be the one that cleans it up and I've been there I've been there when they've given her too much stuff too little stuff the wrong stuff and I've been there when she's seized when she's coded when she's fallen out of the hospital bed I mean I would when they're what you fail but I mean I left her for a few moments the nurse was supposed to watch her and sure enough they didn't and and I'm the one that has to clean it up and I'll bet you are too that's what we as caregivers do we we clean up and I learned a long time ago of these two words that I think are going to be important for each of us as caregivers to hang on to as we go through various things and rarely do I give tips on caregiving on this show on the task of caregiving because it's unique to every situation and I can't tell you how to take care of your loved one anymore you could tell me how to take care of mine but there are some common principles that go along with this and I want you to remember these two words okay you can write them down if you have to put it in your phone just just remember these two words caregiver authority to my knowledge I coined this caregiver authority you have authority as a caregiver of your loved one you know them you know their chart you know their circumstances you don't have to know the science but you know them and it's very important for you and I to remember that in situations now the world is moving away on a lot of things on the way they do medicine they're doing care by committee now and I had an experience of that recently where I had to sit down with a committee and they started in a couple of these folks started in a little bit with me rather heavy-handed and I was I was not combative because I'm just too tired for that I've been there but I'm just I'm just too tired for that but I was not but I didn't back down and I think that these folks were not used to somebody that approached them the same way I did as a family member as a caregiver but I looked around the room and I realized very quickly that I was taking care of Gracie where some of these people were they were toddlers some of them weren't even born and I realized you know that they are they're bringing some education to the equation but not experience in my experience Trump's opinion and yours does too and we're going to talk about that more when we come back eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight welcome back to hope for the caregiver this is Peter Rosenberger this is the show for you as a caregiver if you are banging your head against the wall if you are weary if you've had sleepless nights doing laundry late into the night while taking care of a loved one if you've been back and forth to pharmacies doctors office hospitals rehab centers if this is your life you're in the right place and we're glad you're with us eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty we're gonna be getting the calls here in a minute here's a at the caregiver keyboard here here's our song for today I'll just play a little bit of and if you know that song eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty and there's a refresher the reason I do these songs that's got a very easy title to remember and we need easy titles to remember as caregivers we cannot remember complex things sometimes when it's all hitting and we've got to have simple things that kind of that anchor us into a greater truth than what we're facing right in front of us not that what we're facing in front of us is not truth it's just there is a greater truth and that greater truth is the reality of the gospel and if we know if we can hang on to those things in the midst of it when it just all goes koplui we can navigate these things a little easier but I want to go back to what we talked about in the last block caregiver authority I want you to remember that I want you to write that down you have caregiver authority you do not have to know the science in order to have this you just simply know your loved one and it's okay and it's very intimidating to talk to trained medical professionals at time I'm not quite as put off by that as I used to be but when I first started on this journey I mean I thought doctors were God and a lot of them reinforced that thought but there came to be a point when I had to push back because some of them get it wrong all of them will get it wrong at some point but some of them get it wrong with when dealing with Gracie and I remember one doctor he was kind of giving me a little bit of attitude and I stopped him for a moment and I looked at him and I said with all due respect doc I was taking care of her when you were in junior high school so let's keep this thing in perspective here I look at the folks that I had to sit down with this care committee team now and I was like good gracious man we're doing this as a bureaucracy now but because this was the first major surgery I had with Gracie in some time I mean she's had smaller stuff but this was a this is a major event and and so they they kind of swarm in with this committee approach now and I'm used to just dealing with the doctor we flows down from there but you know okay whatever but I watched all these kids telling me this and this and this and there was a little bit of condescending I'm being diplomatic I got a friend of mine who's listening right now and I know that I'm gonna get a text that said there was not a little bit of condescending there was a lot of condescending and so but there was condescension going on you know who am I I'm just some guy I'm just I'm just Gracie's husband and I had to let them feel the weight of who I was and understand the the complexity of this woman and what they were missing but I had to do this in a way that they would understand and respect and and I did but I wasn't combative but there was there was I think they thought they were gonna back me up and put me in my place and and I didn't back up and I'm not going to because I'm the one that has to clean it up when it goes wrong and it's not that I want to tell them how to do their job it's just that I don't want them to number one do something out of arrogance or ignorance that's going to hurt Gracie further and make my life more difficult and make Gracie's life much more painful so that's it I mean it's nothing more complex than that and that's the way it is for all of us as caregivers particularly when dealing with long-term stuff like this where we are the ones that are having to do the vast majority of the the hands-on work you know the surgeon worked on Gracie with his expertise he fixed her leg but I'm the guy that's here 24-7 you know and so we know these things as as caregivers we know these things and it's okay for us to wield that authority wield it responsibly we don't want to come across as heavy-handed but we don't have to back up and I just I felt like some of you all would benefit from that this morning that knowing that you don't have to back up I've got a cousin who who has a special needs daughter and man she's a tiger she'll she there's no backup in her my brother and my sister-in-law they have a special needs daughter there's no backup in them and they're not mean people they just they're just so experienced at this I've got friends of ours down in the valley here where we live we they live several miles down the valley and and and they've got a special needs son they they have to fight and they're not mean spirited people they just know that you know in this hustle and bustle world complex cases kind of get you know there's there's a lot of moving pieces and when it comes to your your father or your mother that you're taking care of your special needs family member whatever you have caregiver authority are you okay with that and if you want to know more about that feel free to call in 8 8 8 5 8 9 88 40 8 8 8 5 8 9 88 40 we're gonna get to the song here in just a moment but I'm gonna go through the calls here let's see this is Robin in Virginia Robin good morning how are you feeling oh good morning I have just been working all night since 9 o'clock last night but not particularly doing a caregiving job at this point in time just a different kind of a job but I picked an overnight job so I could be available for my mom who's 95 and well how are you how are you feeling today well having I'm starting to work a new job and I just feel like I'm excited to you know be doing something that's a little bit more creative and artful as opposed to like working on the overnight with FedEx as a packet handler but I'm I only I worked about nine and a half hours so my feet are tired but my spirit is good I've listened to you for about a about a year and a half now and I thought I would try to call not that I'm currently being a caregiver in a paid situation I had been in the past for like a friend of the family who had gone through brain surgery to take a tumor out that was about 27 years ago 26 years ago but my mom is 95 and I know that as she's aging you know things are gonna happen my sister and I are being much more available to you know a couple of things Robin if you don't mind me jumping in one of them is the show is not really for paid caregivers they'll get something out of what I'm talking about but the show is for the family caregiver for those who and people said well what's the difference I said well a paycheck that's what's the difference you know Gracie owes me a lot of back pay I mean just a lot of back pay and the second thing and I love what you said that your mom is 95 and as she's aging no Robin your mom's already old at 95 you you are aged at that point well what's amazing to me and that's kind of why I wanted to call to call in and say thank you to you for this idea of a show and I do know the name of the song and I love that song but the ironic thing is that as your topic is what it is my mom worked up until 84 and a half as a nurse and so as she has been a caregiver professionally for her career since she was at a high school or out of college she was actually trained by the by the army and then she missed World War two so she couldn't go and serve but I think sometimes when people are so sharp I mean her mom lived to be almost a hundred when people are so sharp and they're smart and they do care I think you know and she is a firm she could be a good charge nurse when she needs to be I feel like the challenge is to be able to be as calm and loving and kind as I possibly can because you know she would cross their keys and dots her eyes even now and she's doing really well so I just feel like it's gonna be a challenge but that's the main reason why I took an overnight job so I can be with her during the day and spend time with her you know well I think that is marvelous I was talking to there's a rancher friend of mine down the road who's 95 and I saw him last month on his 95th birthday and I said uh I said oh here's your birthday today he said well what days I said was August 12th he said well yeah it is I said you're 95 bill he looked at me kind of tilted his head he said you know that's kind of old and and I said bill you're so old that when you went to high school you drove a chariot I mean you you're old bill but he's the same way he's out walking around and having a great time and living this I guess that's the benefit of hard work and clean air out here in Montana but your mom sounds like she's that same kind of person just just keep on chugging and it will tell me very quick before we go to the break what's the song and and for those who want to weigh in on the song even if somebody else gets it the point is not to have musical tribute the point is for what does this song mean to you but what is the song Robin right well I have to tell you my mom was born in Montana and so is I so and she that'll do it right where were you where were you born in Montana I was born in Billings and she was born just north of red lights well I know exactly where it is because we just spent a while at Billings at the hospital there so right well tell me the song the song is you are my hiding place you are my hiding place and that a great song it's a wonderful song because what I'm enjoying now is the fact that she can still walk around her building and sometimes I feel like that's when the Lord can speak in terms of just taking a quiet walk with her even though her knees are going and I just feel so thankful that the Lord and through Corrie ten boom and that whole book that she wrote that he is our hiding place so thank you so much for the music and thank you for Gracie and who's been praying well thank you know Corrie ten boom led Gracie to the Lord when she was a little girl just but she was like six years old so great story on that we'll get into another time but thank you Robin for the call we've got to go to a break and thank you for that and you best to your mom she sounds like she is just wonderful this is Peter Rosenberger this is hope for the caregiver this is the show for you as a caregiver eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty we'll be right back hey this is Peter Rosenberg and in my three and a half decades as a caregiver I have spent my share of nights in a hospital sleeping in waiting rooms unfold out cots chairs even the floor sometimes on sofas and a few times in the doghouse but let's don't talk about that as caregivers we have to sleep at uncomfortable places but we don't have to be miserable we use pillows for my pillow calm these things are great they have a patented interlocking field that adjusts to your individual sleep needs and for caregivers trying to sleep and all the different places we have to sleep believe me our needs get ramped up significantly think about how clean your pillows are in the kovat world we're all fanatical about clean can you wash your pillows with my pillows from my pillow comp we throw them in the washer and dryer we do it all the time 10-year warranty guaranteed not to go flat 60-day money-back guarantee made in the USA as a caregiver you need rest so start by going to my pillow calm type in the promo code caregiver you get 50% off the four-pack which includes two premium pillows and to go anywhere pillows you'll also receive a discount on anything else on the website when using your promo code caregiver that's my pillow calm promo code caregiver welcome back to home for the caregiver this is Peter Roseburg this is the show for you as a family caregiver that's my wife Gracie rust half offer her CD resilient you could be a part of what we're doing here and get a copy of that CD go out to hope for the caregiver calm where it says giving and you can help us do more if you like this show help us do more we just by the way we have two different program outreaches we have these the caregiver outreach that we're doing right now and then we also have a prosthetic limb outreach that Gracie envisioned after she gave up both of her legs and we purchase and ship equipment and sponsor patients over in the West African country of Ghana primarily we have other countries we've worked with periodically but mostly there we just shipped over a regular supply a supply of resin of acrylic resin and we could use your help on doing more of this because this is an ongoing need of resin to make the sockets that the limbs fit in so go out to hope for the caregiver calm get involved today if you like what you're hearing on this show help us do it more the song today is you are my hiding place Robin got that and the lyrics are this you are my hiding place you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance whenever I am afraid I will trust in you now let's go to I think it's Psalm 40 17 as for me I am poor and needy but the Lord takes thought for me you are my help and my deliverer do not delay oh my god and then let's go to Psalm 32 7 you are my hiding place you preserve me from trouble you surround me with songs of deliverance now why is that important to us as a caregiver if you've ever stood in a hospital hallway alone watching your loved one go off to surgery or if you've ever walked that long distance from a parking garage at a hospital to the room or back and forth in the middle of the night or whatever those songs of deliverance are surrounding you even at that point if you've been woken up in the middle of the night with some type of trauma going on those songs of deliverance are right there if you've ever had to deal with the reality of a loved one with an addiction that is spiraling out of control well all addiction is out of control those songs of deliverance are right there for you if you've dealt with the trauma of dealing with somebody with a mental illness those songs of deliverance are right there surrounding you that's the whole point the hiding place goes with you because God is with you all around you you are not outside his purview okay and so when it gets gnarly for us that's where this particular song can settle your spirit down realize you are my hiding place you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance whenever I'm afraid I will trust in you that's a song for caregivers right there so let's go to Luke in Georgia Luke good morning Luke how you feeling Luke you with me oh I'm sorry says Luke on here I'm sorry it's Luther well Luther how are you feeling okay this little car that's it well what you got on your mind this morning what I want to call the show my we've been caregiving since 1987 so a most of my wife it's with her family her daughter I mean her sister and her mother my mother has recently passed and so that's been a very difficult for her but my main concern is my wife because she does you know she's an educated ear and it's affecting her and I'm just looking for some help for her well what's what's going are you doing are you Luke or I mean Luther are you caregiving or is it your wife that's caregiving we both are you both are and you're taking care of you're taking care of whom it's her sister now okay so you got three months ago and what's what's going on with her sister he's been a brittle diabetic for graduation week so that she was like 17 so her sister has diabetes yes and she is you know he's on dialysis she's been blind a while but um we have to basically do most things for her she can she's got tunnel vision you can feel a little bit but not much so that's where we're at and she's my wife at her well if you could describe your wife's current circumstances in maybe one word what would that be so we get a better picture of what's going on with your wife well is there anybody else that can sub in for her besides you yeah one sister her brother none of those the other sister has a son that's a schizophrenic so he takes constant care whenever she's not at work are you able to bring in are you able to bring in any kind of service that would help with your sister-in-law we've done that sometimes yes we've done that are you able to continue doing that I mean can you do it uh you know just like one day a week kind of thing or is it even that's out of the reach that's uh that's become out of each day all right is that a financial decision yes okay how old is your sister-in-law okay and and if something happens to you if something happens to your wife what's the plan for your sister-in-law we don't know I don't know what would happen I guess I would care of us as opposed to her other sister no her other sister can't shoot but I don't think that would happen I mean is there other sister unwilling or unable unable she's not unwilling does is it possible for you guys to sit down and have some kind of meeting with someone that's involved with your sister's care your sister-in-law's care to lay out a plan of care because this is a I mean I mean at the rate you're going basically here's here's what's going to happen Luther at the rate you're going this is going to consume your wife and then ultimately consume you somebody somebody's gonna have a funeral and whether it's gonna be you your wife or your sister-in-law all three of you eventually gonna have one it just depends on how this thing plays out it depends on what order you have them in so if you go down first if so how's your health by the way Luther well it's okay I mean I've had several bypass surgeries and neuropathy well if you fit okay look if you've had several bypass surgery let's back up okay is not the word I would look for even though you can certainly recover and live a full and active life but how's your how's your weight Luther 220 and how tall are you okay how's your cholesterol no it's in range now probably 180 I know they want around 100 but okay now tell me about you tell me about your wife's weight how's her weight and I'm not trying to get in your business I'm just has how's her weight she's overweight she's she's to 200 probably okay and how's her cholesterol it's high okay she's on all right so she's okay well here's she's here's where this thing is hanging hanging out Luther here's where here's where we here's where you guys are you guys are you guys are driving on a very very windy mountain road and there's not many guardrails and it's at night and your headlights are not working properly that's how dangerous this is so this is going to the stress of this thing is going to if your wife is wore out she's on insulin she's diabetic you know overweight okay she's got a lot of situations going on here and she's taking care of somebody who's also in bad shape you are doing okay at this point but you still have some some underlying issues this situation requires immediate action Luther and that immediate action sit down and have a care plan for all three of you and that's going to take a train provide somebody that's got some kind of experience and so forth to sit down with you guys and lay this thing out there's going to be a funeral there's gonna be three funerals we just don't know what order they're gonna come in yet but if if right if your wife goes first then your sister-in-law and you are going to have a brutal experience dealing with this if you go first then your wife is left holding the bag if your sister-in-law goes then you're going to be taking care of your wife all three of you need a plan of care okay when's the last time you saw your doctor Luther last week okay when's the last time your wife saw her doctor last week okay what was what was the result of this well they're good I guess they're just still going down the same path with us I guess what would you know that sounds that sounds pretty lackstasical but she's got she's got a her daddy had Parkinson's and she has it too she she is not addressing it okay Luther that's a problem Luther and I'm just gonna be blunt with you here because that just the nature of what we're talking about here how sustainable is this exactly that's the right answer that's the that's the right answer you guys are really heading for some very very dangerous water if your doctors just say let's just you know just keep on keeping on you need to get a different doctor there needs to be an aggressive plan of care for all three of you now you get a different doctor army who do you say to do that well if you don't have a doctor then you're gonna need to see some type of caseworker care worker some type of social worker somebody that can get you a plan of care or say okay we're gonna have a team approach to this thing is yours is I think what I'll cut I'll tell I'll talk about this on the next block I'm gonna have to jump we're going to a break here I'll give you some thoughts and hang on just listen on and I will I'll talk about what you could do at the next block hey this is Peter Rosenberger have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager and she tried to save him for years and if it just wouldn't work out and finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is it I mean I don't have any legs anymore what can God do with that and then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with standing with hope we work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there you could designate a limb there's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standing with hope calm would you take a moment to go out to standing with hope calm and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God you could be a part of that at standing with hope calm while in the emergency room with my wife as she was struggling with the kovat 19 virus herself and I looked at her I said are you scared and she said a little bit but I've been through worse the certainty of mankind's history with uncertainty an article by Peter Rosenberger and then as her fever was approaching almost 103 she started singing in Christ alone I place my trust and find my glory in the power of the cross and that's how she has anchored herself in the certainty of Christ through her huge medical journey that has included 80 surgeries both of her legs amputated 100 doctors have treated 12 hospitals and now the kovat 19 virus and so when we live with those kinds of uncertainties anchoring herself in Christ in Christ alone that's the only place we can run to where there is certainty to read this article and more visit afa.net forward slash the stand Oh welcome back to hope the caregiver this is Peter Rosenberger this is the show for you as a family caregiver we're glad that you are with us 888 5 8 9 88 40 I want to circle back to Luther in the last call here what's going on is let me get to recap here what I was able to glean he was his wife is not well herself and she's taking care of her sister who's even less well Luther himself has had bypass surgeries and other issues but this is this is all very very very dangerous what they're dealing with and the stress of caregiving is not noted for being a help to people who are already in bad shape so given that where do you start Luther said where do you start because they both saw their doctor last week and evidently nothing much is happening so where do you start well if his wife his wife is diabetic and she's taking care of her sister who's diabetic and blind and has other underlying health issues the diabetes is something that can be addressed not 100% but certainly addressed with proper eating so if you're overweight guess what we're gonna have to get underweight you're gonna have to get some of that weight off of you and change your your eating habits you can do that right now that is something that can be done right now there are plenty of things go out online and you look for diabetic menus that you can eat and you start changing the way you eat you start exercising and you start taking care of your body physically and if your doctor is not giving you that kind of support get a different doctor there are plenty of them out there that would be glad to help give you some guidance to towards crawling back to a healthier lifestyle but it starts with watching what goes into your mouth okay the last thing you want to do is kill yourself with a knife and fork so you change the way you eat and you change it today you're not gonna you didn't get here overnight you're not gonna get out of this overnight but you could start drinking a whole lot more water and a whole lot less soda or sweet tea or fruit drinks or whatever that have so much high sugar in it okay you can do that today does it cost a darn thing to do that second thing is it's time to sit down with the with a sustainable plan of care as best as possible now you may be able only to do this for the next couple of months and then you have to develop another one that'll go even further but right now you're in crisis mode you get to have a short-term path a medium-term path and a long-term path because the three of them are not in a good shape and there's going to be three funerals which order are they going to go in is the question and depending on who goes first is going to create even more drama and more heartache and more suffering so we it has to be a sit down with an honest conversation there's there there's family counselors that can help with this they're social workers a lot of your doctors can refer you to a social worker who could sit down with you and have a plan of care particularly if one or more of these individuals are on Medicare disability and so forth there are resources out there that you could tap into but you got to raise your hand and say we're going to do this we're going to take charges you cannot leave things hanging there is no open end to this well we'll just wait and see no we don't I've had doctors tell me that before and and and medical staff and said well we're gonna wait and see I said how long I'm gonna wait there's a we'll wait three weeks okay on three weeks I'm gonna give you a call that I mean that's the way I deal I'd never leave anything open-ended if we're gonna wait and see 45 minutes or 45 days it doesn't matter that is waiting is an action step but there is not an open into this okay this is unsustainable so for those of you who are in similar positions where you're in a situation where you don't know what else to do you're gonna study the deal with what you can control first you can control what goes in your body okay you can control what goes in your mouth then you can control what you're physically doing exercising some type of physical activity you may have neuropathy you may have all kinds of issues you can't do my wife doesn't have any legs she's in pain all the time but she's physically pushes herself to do something whether it's doing you know arm exercises or whatever else but you you can't just sit around okay we're gonna we're gonna couch ourselves into a grave so you got to physically move one of the things I did for example you know I mean I was getting I was putting on some pounds every caregiver goes through this we get we gain weight I mean I got so big my picture fell off the wall I mean it you know it happens I started doing martial arts and and started working myself into shape I got rid of a sitting desk and I went to a standing desk they say standing is I mean sitting is the new smoking I don't know if that's true but that's what they say all I know is I stand I'm standing while I do this show I stand when I do this I'm always moving around and I try to stay active but but you you've got to do something you can everybody can do something and and it's important to take action with that sit down and have a meeting if you don't know who to call start with your pastor and say look we need to develop a plan of care if the pastor looks clueless go to the next person you keep going aggressively until you get a plan of care that is going to give you guys wisdom and leadership and guidance throughout this process and you stick to that and it's never going to be one thing there's no magic bullet for this it's just hard work but but your options are a funeral and even more suffering so we're gonna have to roll up the sleeves a little bit I remember the first time I stepped into a martial arts class it was hard work I started putting down sodas and grabbing water it's it's it I put down a Snickers bar and get an apple and I still have relapses where I love to get a candy bar won't tell you when the last one I had was yesterday but I but I have to push back and keep going I mean I'm not I'm not having a Nazi approach to this thing where you can't do this at all I'm just asking you to start making life choices that are a little bit better and eventually you'll start making a sequence of them because the alternative is death and suffering that's where Luther and his family are right now so you've got a family history of diabetes you've got Parkinson's involved you've got triple bypass or that's involved you got a lot of different things involved and they're all in their 60s anybody here want to weigh in on how this is going to end this is this is not going to end well without some aggressive stances on this okay healthy caregivers make better caregivers I've been saying this since I launched my show I've been saying this since I wrote my book and we caregivers somehow think we're just going to just white-knuckle this thing until we get this loved one to the grave not realizing that we are in danger of the grave ourselves so if we don't take this kind of action we're in trouble that starts a lot of time it always starts in the heart and you you can't just start trying to do one thing without realizing your whole mind and heart have got to change I've got a thing on my podcast you can go out and see it it says it can we change the way we think yeah we can we we must and it's the most recent episode go out to hope for the caregiver comm it's free you just listen to it it's only 10 minutes of changing the way we think about these sort of things that we get aggressive about it be good stewards of our bodies of this situation we're in and as we go through this then these scriptures these songs that I've put out there for you mean something you are my hiding place you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance whenever I'm afraid I will trust in you and as we put down a soda and pick up a water I will trust in you because you're being a good steward and you're trusting God to give you the strength to make better decisions with this it's that simple and this is where Luther and his family are and this is where probably a lot of us are been there myself still have to fight it's not a one-and-done it's a daily changing of your lifestyle okay I'm gonna try to squeeze in Robert from Tennessee before we go here Robert this is Peter and I'm glad to have you with us tell me what you got on your mind hey Peter hey how you feeling sworn Robert I'm doing okay I appreciate your show so much I'm in Memphis Tennessee 62 years old my wife has had about 10 years worth of short-term dementia which we've been working through and dealing with for a while unexpectedly last year my 91 year old mother-in-law had to move in with us from Chicago with an untimely death in the family so we're all kind of caregiving here in Memphis right now and it's a real real blessing to hear your show every weekend that we something I look forward to it the song you had today that is my song and I sing it throughout the day I'm still working full-time and I that's what I sing because the trials tribulations temptations they flood at you and he definitely is our Heidi place I love this song Robert oh yeah it's a blessing whenever I am afraid I will trust well listen you understand then the little bit of the predicament that Luther is family in because you've got a three-person family unit that's dealing with these kinds of things and these songs are so important to realize when we're afraid he's there for us those songs of deliverance go with us everywhere in every situation Robert I'm sorry I didn't get to spend much time with you this morning but I very much appreciate you giving a call you're certainly welcome to call in any time because this is going to be an ongoing issue and you can call in and tell us about Memphis barbecue how about that it's not necessarily heart healthy but I do love it hey I gotta go this is Peter Rosenberger we're up against the break here and this is hope for the caregiver hope for the caregiver calm we'll see you next week some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talked to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey take a listen Gracie when you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach did you ever think that inmates would help you do that not in a million years when you go to the facility run by CoreCivic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country that you put out the plea for and they're disassembling you see all these legs like what you have your own prosthetic and arms and arms when you see all this what does that do to you makes me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out of course being in the hospital so much and so on that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as one band said something good finally with my hands did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled no I had no idea you know I thought a peg leg I thought of wooden legs I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and sea legs and all that I never thought about that as you watch these inmates participate in something like this knowing that they're helping other people now walk they're providing the means for these supplies to get over there what does that do to you just on a heart level I wish I could explain to the world what I see in there and I wish that I could be able to go and say the this guy right here he needs to go to Africa with us I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave I don't want to leave them I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that I would have never expected that only God could put together now that you've had an experience with it what do you think of the faith-based programs that Core Civic offers I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it but I know about this one are it's just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't have them and I think that that says so much that doesn't have anything to do with me it just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people if people want to donate a use prosthetic limbs whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody who outgrew them you've donated some of your own for them to do how do they do that please go to standing with Oh dot com slash recycle standing with hope dot-com slash recycle thanks Gracie you