Caregivers and Plate Spinners

As caregivers, we have so many things that hit us all the time, and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves. Who helps you?

What does that look like? I'm Peter Rosenberg, and I want to tell you about a program I've been a part of now for almost 10 years, and that's Legal Shield. For less than $30 a month, I have access to a full law firm that can handle all kinds of things.

If I get a contract put in front of me, if I got a dispute with something, doesn't matter. I've got a full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with. Power of attorney, medical power of attorney, I will.

Every bit of it. As a caregiver, we need someone who advocates for us, and that's why I use Legal Shield. So go to caregiverlegal.com. Look on the left-hand side where it says Legal Shield. Just select it.

It turns purple. It says, pick a plan. It'll give you some options.

If you don't need any of those, don't select them. Check out and be protected starting today. That's caregiverlegal.com. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

So glad that you're with us. I am Peter Rosenberger, and this is the program for you as a family caregiver. For those of you who are taking care of an aging parent, special needs child, someone with a disability, somebody with an addiction, somebody with mental illness, whatever the impairment, there's always a caregiver and we're glad that you're here with us right now.

Hopeforthecaregiver.com. You know, the life of a caregiver can be a bit frenetic. Is that a good word? Is that the word for the day?

Frenetic. And we tend to look like plate spinners. You remember the old variety shows, Ed Sullivan and all the others, and they'd have these guys come on with these, all these really long sticks and they'd be spinning the plates and doing all the stuff and, and do we have any plate spinning music? Can we, can we, Mr. Producer, can we get some of those? Can we get some plate spinning music? Can we get some plate spinning music?

There you go. Doesn't that sound like the soundtrack of our lives? Can't you just see us running back and forth to the kitchen, to the laundry room, back to the bedroom, to the hospital, to the pharmacy. That is excellent.

All right. That's enough of that silliness, but that sounds like us, doesn't it? And you know, plate spinners understand a truth that we as caregivers would do well to know. We're going to have messes. We're going to have crashes. We're going to have a lot of broken pieces scattering our stage and we know this. And yet we push ourselves to a standard of perfection that no one comes even close to accomplishing.

And yet we keep doing it somehow thinking that, okay, this is the one where we're going to get everything just right. But if you notice these guys, they would always have mishaps. They would drop stuff.

Something would break. They'd look at the audience and shrug and, and just keep going on in the music. Oh, because the show had to keep going on. They recognize that what they're trying to do is crazy anyway.

We're all applauding because it's, it's remarkable to watch what they do. I still don't know how they do it. I mean, you know, they, they got those long skinny sticks and they would put these things on there on top of it. I don't know how it kept going, but they would do it and they're smiling and laughing and having a good time. Well, maybe we could incorporate some of that. You know, they didn't get all worked up about broken pieces on the, on the stage.

Now, if they had too many of them, they wouldn't get invited back to the show and people start booing them. But I mean, it's just going to happen. But what are the broken pieces those shattered objects look like for us? Well, a fractured relationship, argument, poor health, aberrant behavior, career interruptions, a checkbook on life support.

Now I've gone from preaching to meddling. And in some cases there's actually broken dishes laying around and, and it's okay for any one of those things. It's actually okay for all of those things, but when they're all happening at one time, now that can be a problem.

If the whole thing goes koplui, you may have to stop the show, but it usually doesn't happen that way. It usually happens when we'll have a drama with one person here or something to happen with our checkbook. But if our checkbook is overdrawn every single day, that problem is going to fix itself. Okay. That's not going to keep going because it's unsustainable.

You're going to go bankrupt. So it doesn't do much good to berate ourselves over that. Let's, let's fix the problem. Let's keep going.

Let's, let's get back up on the horse. And one way we can detach from just beating on ourselves for that is to remember this little axiom that I heard a long time ago, a friend gave me this and I love this. It just, it sums up our life as caregivers. If you don't make it worse, that counts as a win. If you don't make it worse, that counts as a win. No kidding.

Now I know that we're aiming for the gold medal of perfection. So not making it worse may seem like, you know, a distance silver or a bronze medal, but it's still a victory in the unpredictable world of caregiving. And you got to admit our world as caregivers can be a bit unpredictable.

That's a good word. Unpredictable. I mean, you, you don't know what you're going to face from day to day sometimes and never underestimate the, the crisis du jour that crisis du jour that could come our way unexpectedly. And keep, keep this in mind, caring for somebody with a chronic impairment, it ensures that a minimum of two flawed and stressed individuals face relentless challenges daily.

Now you think about that. If you're caring for somebody, that means two people who are mistake prone, flawed people, and under a great deal of stress and angst are facing relentless challenges daily. Caregiving doesn't show any mercy. It's not going to stop just because you're having a bad hair day. It's not going to stop because I get a cold.

I mean, how many sick days do you get to call in as a caregiver? So this is what's going on with us. We're going to have broken plates. And it's a difficult situation that can quickly spiral out of control. But in that context, now you think about this, not making it worse is admirable.

And that's worthy of putting a checkmark in the win column. Say you have an argument with somebody, say you're getting into some kind of altercation or somebody's upset about something you've done. And maybe they're legitimate upset.

I mean, maybe you really did something that hacked them off, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Not making it worse. In other words, I don't have to be defensive. I could just simply try to make amends, own it and say, you know what? I really hear that you're disappointed or you're angry, you're frustrated. And I certainly regret that.

And I'd like to make amends for that. That's not making it worse. Doesn't mean it takes away the sting of it. Yeah, it's an altercation.

It's uncomfortable. But it means that we're going to start from here and go forward. I can make some positive decisions right now and go forward.

But if I get all defensive, if I get argumentative, if I want to prove them wrong so that I can be right, all that kind of stuff, how does that help? All that does is prolong the craziness and make more broken pieces litter the stage. And we don't need that.

We can own it quickly and seek to make amends. Or sometimes we don't have to do anything. Sometimes we could just in our minds, put duct tape over our mouth and just not say anything. Just be quiet.

I struggle with that. I mean, I host a radio program. I talk for a living. So it's hard for me to not talk.

My son was tough. He says, you speak in sermons and paragraphs. Okay.

I got to take that one on the chin. I do. I do that for a living. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I do that for a living. So yeah.

Okay. So sometimes I have to work extra hard to bite my tongue and like the taste of blood. Sometimes you just don't have to say anything and just be quiet. That's not making it worse.

And that counts as a win. What are some ways that you today could not make it worse if you have a loved one that repeatedly asks you the same question? I got a friend of mine whose wife does that.

Just ask him over and over and over to the point where he's just about ready to lose his mind. He said, and she has dementia, but he doesn't argue with her. Don't make it worse. And that counts as a win. There's a great quote from Dale Earnhardt that I think applies here. You win some, you lose some and you wreck some. Isn't that a great quote? You win some, you lose some, you wreck some. And you and I have won some, we've lost some, and we've wrecked some, but we keep going. That's the journey of a caregiver. So the next time you look at your checkbook and you're thinking, you're putting your hand over your chest like Fred Sanford used to do.

It's a big one, Elizabeth. Don't make it worse. Let's just slow down the spending. Let's start thinking through how to not make it worse and then put that check mark in the win column. Okay.

How about that? This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver, hopeforthecaregiver.com. You've heard me talk about standing with hope over the years. This is the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie envisioned after losing both of her legs. Part of that outreach is our prosthetic limb recycling program. Did you know that prosthetic limbs can be recycled?

No kidding. There is a correctional facility in Arizona that helps us recycle prosthetic limbs. And this facility is run by a group out of Nashville called CoreCivic. We met them over 11 years ago and they stepped in to help us with this recycling program of taking prostheses and you disassemble them. You take the knee, the foot, the pylon, the tube clamps, the adapters, the screws, the liners, the prosthetic socks, all these things we can reuse and inmates help us do it. Before CoreCivic came along, I was sitting on the floor at our house or out in the garage. And when we lived in Nashville and I had tools everywhere, limbs everywhere and feet, boxes of them, so forth. And I was doing all this myself and I'd make the kids help me.

And it got to be too much for me. And so I was very grateful that CoreCivic stepped up and said, look, we are always looking for faith-based programs that are interesting and that give inmates a sense of satisfaction. And we'd love to be a part of this.

And that's what they're doing. And you can see more about that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. So please help us get the word out that we do recycle prosthetic limbs. We do arms as well, but the majority of amputations are lower limb.

And that's where the focus of Standing With Hope is. That's where Gracie's life is with her lower limb prosthesis. And she's used some of her own limbs in this outreach that she's recycled. I mean, she's been an amputee for over 30 years.

So you go through a lot of legs and parts and other types of materials and you can reuse prosthetic socks and liners if they're in good shape. All of this helps give the gift that keeps on walking. And it goes to this prison in Arizona where it's such an extraordinary ministry. Think with that, inmates volunteering for this, they want to do it.

And they've had amazing times with it. And I've had very moving conversation with the inmates that work in this program. And you can see again, all of that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. They're putting together a big shipment right now for us to ship over. We do this pretty regularly throughout the year as inventory rises and they need it badly in Ghana. So please go out to standingwithhope.com slash recycle and get the word out and help us do more. If you want to offset some of the shipping, you can always go to the giving page and be a part of what we're doing there.

We're purchasing material in Ghana that they have to use that can't be recycled. We're shipping over stuff that can be. And we're doing all of this to lift others up and to point them to Christ. And that's the whole purpose of everything that we do. And that is why Gracie and I continue to be standing with hope. Standingwithhope.com.