A Singular Commitment to Family Caregivers

This is Peter Rosenberger and I'm really excited to tell you about my new book. It's called A Minute for Caregivers When Every Day Feels Like Monday.

I compiled a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to my fellow caregivers. Each chapter only takes one minute to read them. I know I timed them. You can read them in order. You can read them out of order. You can flip to any page and you're going to find something on that page that will help you at that moment.

It's called A Minute for Caregivers When Every Day Feels Like Monday. Go to Hopeforthecaregiver.com slash book. Hopeforthecaregiver.com slash book. And you can sign up. We'll let you know as soon as it's available for pre-order. We'll send you a special bonus feature for it, sample chapter, all kinds of things. Go to Hopeforthecaregiver.com slash book. I can't wait for you to read this book.

You're going to love it. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com, Hopeforthecaregiver.com. How are you doing today? What's going on with you? I've been doing a series on things about safety and helping caregivers stay safe.

And it looks a lot different than you might think. I mean, you can always talk about seat belts and all that kind of stuff, but I want to swerve into some areas that we may not have considered. And one of them was prompted by our Facebook group that we have, which you're welcome to join. It's Hope for the Caregiver, the group. There's a page, Hope for the Caregiver, then there's a group. And the group you have to answer a few questions for. And if you want to go out there and join it, we'd love to have you. I maintain control over that group and try to at least as best as I can and try to keep it from being a place where unwanted types of comments are made. And it's a safe place for caregivers to go and process out some things.

And we have some very meaningful questions. I got a comment back from one of the group members who expressed appreciation to me in this program for not condescending to caregivers in this audience. And I very much appreciate the compliment and the gratitude that she showed, but I got to tell you it hurts to think that she's been on the receiving end of people who have been. And I want to reiterate that to you all of just how much I respect the journey of the family caregiver. I'm still doing it. And when I set out to do this show, and I want to give a little bit of background history and then swerve into the safety component of this, may stretch into the next segment. But when I started doing this program many years ago, I remember going to a radio station there in Nashville, a big one. It was actually WLAC right there on Music Row and their big iHeart station.

And they're the station that carried all the big talk radio people and everything else. And I went to them and laid out my vision for what I wanted to do. And they didn't get it. They just looked at me like, you mean like nursing homes? And I said, no.

And so they said, no, we just don't see this as being viable. So I went across the street on the other side of Music Row, there was a small mom and pop station. And I worked there for about eight or nine months doing my show on Wednesday at about, I think it's about noon. And it was, like I said, really a tiny station, but I did it. And the guys over at WLAC were listening to it. And they called me up and they said, we've been listening to your show. We think it's a fit here.

Why don't you come on over here? So I made the move and went over there on Sunday mornings and I would do the show and then go to church. And I would play the piano at church after leaving the show and get there in time to play the prelude at Covenant Presbyterian Church there in Nashville where this terrible shooting happened recently. And eventually I moved the show to Sunday afternoons, but I did this for a long time, but I set out to do something with a singular purpose, which is to build up the family caregiver. And it took a while for people to understand what it is I was doing, why I was doing it, what the need was. Now, the people that heard my show that were caregivers immediately started connecting.

They understood it. People that weren't caregivers, they had to scratch their heads a little bit. But over time, the audience started building and eventually the show grew and then American Family Radio took notice and brought me into their network and other networks now carry the show, the Truth Networks and some other affiliates around the country that carry the program now. But all of it has at its core this singular, unswerving commitment to build up, to fortify, to equip, to strengthen the family caregiver, whom I consider to be an at-risk individual. And I've heard other talk shows, I've listened to talk radio for a long time, and I heard other talk shows that when you have a caller call in and they got a problem and the host would just excoriate the individual, I mean, just really tear into them, you know, make fun of them or whatever, or they kind of talk down to the audience.

We've all heard those kinds of people. And I hated that. I purposed to do a show that I wanted to hear, something that I wish was available during most of my journey as a caregiver. And so I started talking to caregivers the way I would want somebody to talk to me. And the overwhelming response that I get from this audience is you are saying what I am feeling. It's like you're speaking directly to me. And to that I say mission accomplished, because that's what I set out to do, to sit down with you and a cup of coffee and hash out these issues that lurk at the basement of our soul.

And how do we navigate through this? I am the last person that could condescend to anybody. I am replete with a long list of failures.

So who am I to, anyway, disparage another caregiver? Where my confidence lies on this program is in the message, which is far greater than I am. I'm irrelevant. The message is not.

The experience is not. And when you have that kind of unspurving confidence in a message of that importance, you don't deviate from that and you don't feel the need to elevate oneself above it. I'm about as goofy as they come. Y'all know that.

Anybody's been listening to this show for more than 10 minutes knows that I'm half nuts sometimes. And that's okay. The principles I talk about are not.

They are not goofy and they are bedrock. And I want to help as many caregivers as I can stand on those principles as they navigate through the very, very difficult journey of caring for somebody with a chronic impairment. Because what it does is it exposes the things in us that are not very pretty. You know that and I know that. And we see ourselves under a glare that we would prefer not to.

That's the bad news. The good news is when we take that gunk to Christ, what He does with it, when we allow Him to sort it out, that's when the extraordinary transformation happens where we can start to live a little more peacefully, a little calmer, a little healthier, and even a little more joyfully. But it takes being willing to see it under that kind of glare and bring it to help, to get help with it. And part of that conversation usually starts off with, how are you feeling? That's what I ask pretty much everybody. Callers to this program, people I see. I was at the post office yesterday and an old rancher and I love the expressions a lot of the old ranchers out here have in Montana. And an old rancher came in and I said, how are you feeling? He said, I'm not sure and I'm not going to ask around. It was just hilarious.

I'm not sure and I'm not going to ask around. I just love that. But the point of asking somebody how they're feeling is not to base life on our feelings, but it's to have a conversation starter of where are you? What's going on with you?

How are you doing? I talked to fellow caregivers the way I desperately wish somebody had talked to me and spoken to me. And I set out to do a radio program that spoke to caregivers the way I wish a radio program had spoken to me. I had to forage for a lot of the things that you hear me talk about on this program. And it's my hope that you won't have to, at least not as much as I did, and that you won't have to make the kind of mistakes that I did.

I can't ensure that you won't. I can't change people's lives. But what I can do is put the information out there in a way that's easier to understand and available and in a way that makes sense to us as caregivers. That's the purpose of this program. So that we can get to safety. In some respects, I'm kind of a crossing guard. I feel compelled to hold up my hand and stop the traffic of people who criticize while helping fellow caregivers get to safety, like this lady in our Facebook group.

We're going to talk some more about this when we come back from the break. This is Peter Rosenberg. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back. This is Peter Rosenberg, and I hope you're enjoying this podcast. If you are, would you consider helping us do more of it and do it better by going out to standingwithhope.com slash giving. Thanks so much. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberg. I'm so glad that you are with us. Hope for the caregiver dot com. Hope for the caregiver dot com.

We're continuing our discussion from the last block prompted by this participant in our Facebook group who appreciated the fact that I wasn't condescending to the audience on this program. It takes me back a little bit to think, wow, are there people that would do this? That would go on the air and be condescending to a caregiver. What kind of person would do such a thing? Obviously, somebody who hadn't been a caregiver long enough, who somehow thinks more of themselves than they should. I'm sorry that this individual had to go through that.

Again, I set out to do this program in a way that I wish somebody had said these things to me. I think that the thing about being a caregiver as long as I have and through the kind of journey I've had, is that it gives you ample time to really explore what the core issues are. It's not a situation where, okay, I have been a caregiver for a couple of years and now I'm an expert, I'm going to go ahead and tell you how to do it. I wouldn't dream of telling you how to caregiver for your loved one any more than I would allow a stranger to tell me how to take care of Gracie.

That's not the purpose of this program. That's not the way you help a caregiver. Caregiving tasks and tips and activities, you can find plenty of information on that. For example, if you're dealing with somebody with dementia, there are so many resources out there to kind of help you with that sort of stuff.

To my knowledge, this is the only national program that goes into the dark minds of a caregiver's heart and discusses that fear that lurks there. And how do we let go of that and grab a hold of purpose and gratitude? It talks about that obligation that drives us into resentment. And how do we let go of that and instead embrace stewardship? And we talk about that guilt that is gnawing at our hearts.

And how do we put that aside and instead embrace grace? Those are the things that I think are worthy of having a conversation about with every caregiver. Fear, obligation and guilt, the fog of caregivers is what gets all of us in a mess.

Me too, still to this day. I mean right now. This is not a one and done thing with me. I'm going to be wrestling with this until Jesus calls me home. Because I think that's the human condition. And I come into this conversation about caregivers knowing that the human condition is fraught with frailty. That we are a messed up broken people who are not, contrary to what the news may tell you in academia and Hollywood, we're not evolving. We're not getting better. We're just learning how to sin more efficiently as Billy Graham once said. But we're not becoming better people on our own. That's the ridiculous thinking that led to the Tower of Babel.

You know, we will ascend. That's permeated our species from the get go. Somehow we think we got a better idea than God does.

Of course there's nothing that can be further from the truth. That is the essence of our sin is somehow thinking we can self-righteous ourselves into a better way of living. And we can't. These things that plague us are common to everyone. But in the caregiving world, they come at us in waves, in relentless waves. We keep seeing it over and over and over, wishing we could put it on the shelf for a while like other people and not have to deal with some of the ugly things in our own hearts. But there it is again. There it is again. There it is again.

That's the bad news, like I said in the last block. But the good news is there is a path. There is a redeemer. There is one who would take all of that and has taken it and replace that with His righteousness.

So we don't have to attain that righteousness. We don't have to be a good caregiver. People come and say, oh you're such a good caregiver.

Are you kidding me? I'm not a good caregiver. Gracie would tell you that and I would tell you that too. But I'm a redeemed caregiver. And I go back to what Paul says in Galatians. I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live the life I live in this body, the life I live as a caregiver. I think I could safely say that I live by faith in the Son of God.

Now what does that look like as a caregiver? Well when I get it right, then I'm living that faith out. So it's still not me. It is this new life that says, you know what, I can do this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That I can do this. I can endure this. I can be sustained in this. I can persevere. And when I make a mistake, then I can in faith trust that He's given me the courage and the grace to make amends and to walk in, eat a little crow, you know, as we have to do as caregivers often. And that's the point. We settle our hearts down by understanding who we are in Christ. That's how it works.

It's pretty straight up. So if I'm constantly striving to be that better caregiver, man, I'm going to make myself and everybody else around me miserable. I'm not good enough. There's nothing I can do that's going to offset my own human nature.

I've thought about doing a, you know, the lady that falls and she presses the button and calls emergency service. I've thought about doing instead of I've fallen, it says I'm fallen and I can't get up. I cannot save myself. I cannot redeem myself. I cannot lift myself into some level of righteousness that exceeds my unrighteousness. I can't do it. But He says I don't have to. He knows that. If I could, He wouldn't need to come to earth and die on the cross.

I mean, think about it. So as I continue to plead guilty and go straight to execution, say, you know, I can't, I know it's me. And then that gives me that wherewithal. He instead of me striving all the time, He equips me with peace just to trust Him and to be at peace, settle down, breathe.

Now that is the journey for countless believers throughout history. But in the world of caregivers, it becomes compressed. Instead of spreading that over weeks and months and even years and decades for some people, we get it crammed into hours in an afternoon kind of thing because of the relentless opportunities to recognize that we can't do it.

We are faced with that all the time. So the more that you ever heard of that top of mind awareness, TOMA, top of mind awareness, the more that that is in our mind that we are not capable of this and that we have a Savior who equips us to do it. The more that is in our mind, the calmer we will be. The more at peace we can be. What did Jesus say? Peace I give to you, not as the world gives. And see, what does the world give? What does that look like? We've talked about this on the program just a couple of weeks ago.

What does that look like? It looks like you've got all your ducks in a row. The bills are paid, you've got a little extra money, everybody's healthy, you've got a good job, or your favorite show comes on tonight, whatever. That's what the world says, that we feel better. But that's not the peace that we get from Christ. His peace says we can be content in any situation.

Paul said, I've had plenty, I've had lack, I've had this, I've had that, I'm good. I can be content in anything. Can we do that as caregivers, even while we look at somebody who is suffering, somebody who is out of control behavior-wise, something that is just wearing us down? Yeah, we can. It's hard, but we can, but not on our own strength.

And that's where the striving happens when we try to wrest it away from God. Instead of that top of mind awareness, TOMA, T-O-M-A, that this is not up to us. So when you talk to caregivers, and let me just switch gears a little bit. This audience is constantly growing and there are a lot of people that inadvertently listen that aren't caregivers, that are trying to kind of catch up a little bit. Normally I don't really spend a lot of time talking to non-caregivers because this show is for the family caregiver. But if you just put that on pause for a minute, I want to talk to people that are not caregivers currently right now. When you talk to a caregiver, that's what you bring to them to help them. That's what helps a caregiver is to understand that they can trust this Jesus with their loved one.

It doesn't mean that their workload is going to change, but it's how they approach the work is going to change. But if you come to them and say, you should be doing this, and you need to be doing that, and you should have, would have, could have, and everything else, man, all you're doing is just heaping guilt, shame, remorse, despair, all those things on them. So anyway, that's my public service announcement for talking to a caregiver if you're not one.

Back to my audience. Those words should and need, I've tried really hard to get them out of my vocabulary because I'm not in a position to tell anybody what they should do and what they need to do. Every now and then one or two of those words will slip and you're welcome to call me on it. But I really try to get those out of my vocabulary because I'm not in a position to tell you what you should do or what you need to do or what you have to do.

Who am I? But here's what I've discovered. Here's what I've learned.

Here's what I've witnessed. Here's what I've touched, felt, seen, held, and these are the principles that I live by. And for me, there is no other place to go. Now I have taken this thing way down the highway than most people do. You know, 37 years is a long time. And I've seen these principles sustained throughout all of it. But I've never seen my own efforts, my own striving, and my own should have, would have, couldn't, I need to, I have to, I must, I have, I'm supposed to.

I've never seen that sustain me at all. All that does is create more tension. That's part of our safety conversation this week. And we'll talk some more when we come back.

This is Peter Rosenberg and we'll be right back. You've heard me talk about Standing with Hope over the years. This is the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie envisioned after losing both of her legs. Part of that outreach is our prosthetic limb recycling program. Did you know that prosthetic limbs can be recycled?

No kidding. There is a correctional facility in Arizona that helps us recycle prosthetic limbs. And this facility is run by a group out of Nashville called Core Civic. And we met them over 11 years ago and they stepped in to help us with this recycling program of taking prostheses and you disassemble them. You take the knee, the foot, the pylon, the tube clamps, the adapters, the screws, the liners, the prosthetic socks, all these things we can reuse and inmates help us do it. Before Core Civic came along, I was sitting on the floor at our house or out in the garage when we lived in Nashville and I had tools everywhere, limbs everywhere and feet, boxes of them, so forth.

And I was doing all this myself and I'd make the kids help me and it got to be too much for me. And so I was very grateful that Core Civic stepped up and said, look, we are always looking for faith-based programs that are interesting and that give inmates a sense of satisfaction. And we'd love to be a part of this.

And that's what they're doing. And you can see more about that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. So please help us get the word out that we do recycle prosthetic limbs. We do arms as well, but the majority of amputations are lower limb.

And that's where the focus of Standing With Hope is. That's where Gracie's life is with her lower limb prosthesis. And she's used some of her own limbs in this outreach that she's recycled. I mean, she's been an amputee for over 30 years.

So you go through a lot of legs and parts and other types of materials and you can reuse prosthetic socks and liners if they're in good shape. All of this helps give the gift that keeps on walking. And it goes to this prison in Arizona where it's such an extraordinary ministry. Think with that. Inmates volunteering for this, they want to do it.

And they've had amazing times with it. And I've had very moving conversations with inmates that work in this program. And you can see again, all of that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. They're putting together a big shipment right now for us to ship over. We do this pretty regularly throughout the year as inventory rises and they need it badly in Ghana. So please go out to standingwithhope.com slash recycle and get the word out and help us do more. If you want to offset some of the shipping, you can always go to the giving page and be a part of what we're doing there.

We're purchasing material in Ghana that they have to use that can't be recycled. We're shipping over stuff that can be, and we're doing all of this to lift others up and to point them to Christ. And that's the whole purpose of everything that we do. And that is why Gracie and I continue to be standing with hope. Standingwithhope.com.