Masters Of Unsaid Words

This is Peter Rosenberger and one of the reasons I wrote my new book A Minute for Caregivers is because I remember the sinking, despairing feeling of struggling as a caregiver. No one knew what to say to me. I didn't understand and others didn't understand me.

For decades I foraged along and tried to find my path through this medical nightmare that Gracie and I have endured for nearly 40 years. And I've learned to speak the language of caregivers. I speak fluent caregiver. No pastor, no counselor, no medical provider, no friend should ever throw their hands up and say I don't know what to say to that caregiver.

Because I do. Give them a copy. This book is called A Minute for Caregivers when every day feels like Monday. They're easy to read, one minute chapters that speak directly to the heart of a caregiver and you can get them wherever books are sold. A Minute for Caregivers when every day feels like Monday.

Friends don't let friends care give alone. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers and this program is designed to help the family caregiver stay strong and healthy while taking care of someone who is not.

If that describes you, well guess what? You're in the right place. Glad to have you with us. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. If you want to check out our social media pages, we have a YouTube channel, Hope for the Caregiver. We have the podcast, Hopeforthecaregiver.com. You'll see it there.

By the way, we've got over 800 episodes and we're getting ready to have our 250,000th download. For me, that's a big deal for me. I mean, it's not Joe Rogan or anything, but for me, I was really quite stunned because years ago when I started doing this program, people looked at me and said, how in the world are you going to talk about caregivers for an hour?

How are you going to do this for an hour? I was literally asked that by a friend's mind. I mean, people who were very successful at what they do and they said, this is not going to work. And then I told you, the radio station that I've originally talked to, they said, we don't see this as being a viable program. Well, here we are.

And by the way, that was in 2011. Here we are 13 years later, 800 something episodes, almost 250,000 downloads, and we're just getting warmed up because this issue is not going to go away. If you love somebody, you will most likely be a caregiver. If you live long enough, you will need one. It is the human condition. I was watching on social media the other day.

Somebody posted a thing, says, what is something you really need as a caregiver? It was really kind of emotional. And I appreciate that.

That's good. And I was like, I just need somebody to tell me where my grocery list is. Where are my keys?

Where's my wallet? I appreciate people getting very sensitive about it. And we all get emotional. We all get frustrated, all that kind of stuff.

But I mean, I don't need to sit down and watch the Hallmark channel and kind of cry it out. I'm just not there. Maybe you are. I'm not. I'm approaching the end of four decades of this.

And as 39 years ago in May, I went through my first surgery with Gracie. So I've been doing this for a long time. And there's a point where you just, this is your life. You don't really spend a lot of time trying to emote about it.

It is what it is. Let's move on. What can we do?

What can we accomplish? And how can I get better through this? How can I become better? What can I become through this? Not how do I get out of it? What can I become through this?

How can I go deeper? And that brings me to today's caregiver quote. Our caregiver quote comes from the very quotable Winston Churchill.

You all know I'm a fan. Very few world leaders have the place in history that Winston Churchill does and had the impact that he has had globally. And he's a fascinating figure on the world stage.

And I love to explore everything Churchill that I can. But he once said this, and I think it is very poignant for us as caregivers for this quote. We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. While those words remain in our mind, we're still in control of them.

But once they come out, they own us for good or bad. And it's something worthy of our consideration as caregivers. We live with enormous amounts of stress. And on any given day at any given time, we could be rather brittle. Surely I'm not the only one. I mean, raise your hands.

How many of you all get brittle at times? So it's easy to pop off and say things we really wish we hadn't said. Now let's go deeper because as great as Churchill is, there's one greater. And in Matthew 12, 36, he said, I tell you on the day of judgment, people will give account for every careless word they speak. That's the words of Jesus. And all throughout the scriptures, you'll see Proverbs 10, 19, when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. When words are many, I think one translation says instead of transgression is not lacking, it says when words are many, sin abounds.

But you get the point. Proverbs 13, three, whoever guards his mouth preserves his life. He who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. James 1, 26, if anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. These are strong words and these are not the only ones in scripture that talk about letting your mouth run off, popping off and saying things that you wish you hadn't. One stark and very tragic stories in the book of Judges chapter 11, and there's this guy named Jephthah, who's a mighty warrior. And if you look at Judges chapter 11, verse 30, and Jephthah made a vow to the Lord, if you give the Ammonites into my hand, he's chasing down the Ammonites, whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the Lord's and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering. And he laid waste to the Ammonites.

I mean, he really did an amazing job and he's pretty excited about it. He comes home, who should come out to meet him but his daughter? And when he saw her, verse 35, he tore his clothes and cried, Oh no, my daughter, you have brought me down and I am devastated. I've made a vow to the Lord that I cannot break. And evidently he did not offer her as a burnt offering, but he sacrificed to the Lord that she would never marry.

This was his only child and she never married. And it was a devastating moment. He had spoken rashly. Scripture warns us of this, of speaking rashly.

I got to tell you, my fellow caregivers, we are under an enormous amount of strain daily. There's too many things competing for shelf space in our brain and our mouth just serves as a pressure valve to let some of that out. And we say things that we really, really should not say. I am chief among those who do that. And I have to make amends on a regular basis, Gracie will tell you.

And I, I cringe over all of it. I'd like to tell you I'm getting better, maybe a little bit. I'm getting older, maybe a little wiser.

I don't know. But the one thing I do know now is where the path is. I am not a slave to ignorance on this. I have scripture. I have quotes from world leaders like Churchill. I have a plethora, which means a lot, you know, I'm sorry, that's an old joke. I have so many resources now that I can lean on instead of my own understanding to guide me, to help me remind myself to put my hand over my mouth and not say things that I'll be a slave to, not say things that I'm going to regret. We have enough regrets.

We don't need to add to it. I'm sure I will. I'm going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life. It's a human condition, but here's the path and here's the opportunity for us to learn from this, to grow from this, to push ourselves deeper into this so that the words that come out of our mouth, you know, I've never had to make amends for something I did not say.

Not one time. I've never had to make amends for something I didn't say, but I've sure had to make amends for things I did say. And so I love this quote from church.

I thought it was a good way to start the program out. We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. As a caregiver, I am learning to put my hand over my mouth a little bit more. I've got a long ways to go, but I know the path and that is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosaburger.

We'll be right back. You've heard me talk about standing with hope over the years. This is the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie envisioned after losing both of her legs. Part of that outreach is our prosthetic limb recycling program. Did you know that prosthetic limbs can be recycled?

No kidding. There is a correctional facility in Arizona that helps us recycle prosthetic limbs. And this facility is run by a group out of Nashville called CoreCivic. We met them over 11 years ago and they stepped in to help us with this recycling program of taking prostheses and you disassemble them. You take the knee, the foot, the pylon, the tube clamps, the adapters, the screws, the liners, the prosthetic socks, all these things we can reuse and inmates help us do it. Before CoreCivic came along, I was sitting on the floor at our house or out in the garage when we lived in Nashville and I had tools everywhere, limbs everywhere, and feet, boxes of them and so forth.

I was doing all this myself and I'd make the kids help me and it got to be too much for me. And so I was very grateful that CoreCivic stepped up and said, look, we are always looking for faith-based programs that are interesting and that give inmates a sense of satisfaction and we'd love to be a part of this and that's what they're doing. And you can see more about that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. So please help us get the word out that we do recycle prosthetic limbs. We do arms as well, but the majority of amputations are lower limb and that's where the focus of Standing With Hope is. That's where Gracie's life is with her lower limb prostheses. And she's used some of her own limbs in this outreach that she's recycled. I mean, she's been an amputee for over 30 years. So you go through a lot of legs and parts and other types of materials and you can reuse prosthetic socks and liners if they're in good shape. All of this helps give the gift that keeps on walking and it goes to this prison in Arizona where it's such an extraordinary ministry.

Think with that. Inmates volunteering for this. They want to do it and they've had amazing times with it and I've had very moving conversation with the inmates that work in this program. And you can see again, all of that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. They're putting together a big shipment right now for us to ship over. We do this pretty regularly throughout the year as inventory rises and they need it badly in Ghana. So please go out to standingwithhope.com slash recycle and get the word out and help us do more. If you want to offset some of the shipping, you can always go to the giving page and be a part of what we're doing there.

We're purchasing material in Ghana that they have to use that can't be recycled. We're shipping over stuff that can be, and we're doing all of this to lift others up and to point them to Christ. And that's the whole purpose of everything that we do. And that is why Gracie and I continue to be standing with hope. standingwithhope.com.