A Sound Mind

This is Peter Rosenberg and I'm so glad that you're listening to this podcast. If you're finding it meaningful, I want to ask you for two things. Would you mind sharing it with someone?

Would you mind telling somebody you know who is struggling as a caregiver about this program and what it can mean for them? We have over 800 episodes, more than 250,000 downloads. The need is massive. I can't do it on my own.

I'm still a full-time caregiver. But I'm putting it out there as best as I can. And I can use your help in sharing it with others. The other thing is, would you consider helping support what we do? If you like what you're hearing, if you're finding it insightful, if you're finding it encouraging, please help us do it more. We can't do it alone.

We ask that you help us. Staydewithhope.com. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver.

PeterRosenberger.com. Hey, if you want to check out the new website, see what you think. And I'd love for you to weigh in on this.

We've been working very hard to offer something to fellow caregivers to help them see beyond some of the challenges they have. And I'd love to hear what you have to say about this. Or you can also go to our Facebook group. And join that. It's a private group that I manage on Facebook. And post whatever's on your heart there. But go out and join it and be a part of what we're doing. And you can follow me on all the social media accounts. I'm out there for everything. And I would love to have you chime in and share your thoughts. Everything I do is designed to strengthen the family caregiver. Everything I do.

I love what I get to do because I understand the need so greatly. And I have found these principles that I talk about on this program to assist with that. To help with that.

To strengthen us. To not solve the problem. That's not the goal. The goal is not to feel better either.

I want to be very clear on this. The goal is not to feel better. The goal is to be better.

Okay? We're never going to feel good about some of the things that we have to watch and participate and do and help with. And the grieving that goes on in our soul about this. We're not going to feel better about it until we get to heaven. But we can be better along the way.

Be more calm. Be healthier as we do this. So that's the thrust of everything that I do and I'm grateful that you allow me to do it. That you give me an hour of your time here on this program. And for those of you who have bought my books and listened to the podcast, we've got 800 something episodes out there. Thank you for the time that you're spending with me on this as I share some things that I've learned along the way. One of those things I've learned and I'm going to offer you some quotes here.

And this is something I was thinking about actually on the plane when I was coming back and I was thinking about the show and I kind of start thinking about what I'm going to do and what I'm going to talk about almost as soon as I finish the previous one. But I was thinking about this for us as caregivers. I reserve the right to my own counsel. Let me explain that. Let me give you some context of this. Because you've also heard me say many times, you know, don't lean on your own understanding.

Trust the Lord with all your heart. And I get that. But I need to hear my thoughts. And I need to hear my own counsel on this and for me to reason these things out. It doesn't mean I don't seek counsel. It doesn't mean I despise other counsel because that would be stupid. That would be foolish to do that.

But what it does do is gives me the freedom to listen to my own thoughts on this. As caregivers, there is a season in caregiving and maybe you're in it right now where everybody's telling you what you need to do and what you're supposed to do. Two different doctors said the same message to me a lifetime apart from each other. One was Gracie's orthopedic surgeon. Back when we weren't even married yet, I went through my first surgery with her.

And that was in May of 1986. And she had her ankle fused and the doctor came out and everybody's around and he said, look, she did really well. The surgery went well.

We did what we needed to do. And ultimately, of course, the surgeries did not solve the problem and she ended up losing the leg anyway. But at the time, let me just deal with that moment. And he said, she's recovering.

She'll be in recovery for a while. Go ahead and take a break. Well, I had no frame of reference of going through a surgery with anybody.

I had no frame of reference from doing any of the things that I was about to do and launched into doing by being in a relationship with Gracie. And so I heard, take a break. And so I did. I went and saw a movie. And it got me into all kinds of problems with people that were there, particularly some, I have to say this delicately because, and some of you have heard me tell this story, but I feel like I'm twisting myself in a pretzel to not cast asparagus at somebody.

I know it's aspersions, but I like saying cast asparagus. But I, there was a family member who had, a family member's spouse who brought her parents. They are not related to me. And they just wore out my in-laws, particularly my mother-in-law saying that, you know, Peter's just not going to be able to handle this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You've all heard me tell you. It's the first chapter of my book. And it was, it was a very, very big moment in my life because it set things in motion for me that would dominate my thinking for a long time. And when I, a friend of ours pulled me aside and said, you need to know what was going on over there and brought me up to speed. And I was aghast. I mean, I, you know, I didn't know, and I was just 22 and they're over there just wearing me out and, and, and so forth. And you know, Peter's not going to be able to handle taking care of Gracie.

Well, I guess I showed them, didn't I? And, and I, and she never lifted a finger to help us, by the way, over all these years. I think she's still alive, but let's just not go there. So that happened. Then let me fast forward decades later when I'm in Denver and her surgeon says to me, hey, this is going to be a long day. It's going to be a long day. It's a nine hour surgery.

There's no need for you to hover over here. Don't you sit in that waiting room. You go back to your hotel, watch a movie, relax, take it easy, get something good to eat. I will call you. I've got her. We've got this.

Look at the difference. But see for years, I listened to that first voice that I'm supposed to do this. I'm supposed to do this. I have to do this.

I got to do this. And that's just, that was crippling to me. And I got to the point where I didn't think I mattered as long as I fulfilled the external things that people felt like I should do. And that's a bad place to be. And my own counsel, now I listen to my experience, my thoughts on this. By that I don't trust my own counsel without any good input, but I put to silence all these others around me. I don't listen to that. If they're not helping, if they're not a professional, and if they're not bringing a wisdom that I don't have, but they're just criticizing me, I really don't give them the time of day. And I hope you don't either. And I want to encourage you not to. Okay?

They're not really worth listening to. I have several very close friends of mine, many pastor friends of mine, that I seek out their counsel. And I get as much information as I can. And George Patton said this, you collect the facts, you collect the fears, you do all these things, and then you pull the trigger and you make the decision and you go. Because you're looking with reason at these things.

And it's very important we reason it out, but we can't reason it out if we've got too many voices in there just carping on us and saying things that are destructive to us. This woman wasn't interested in building me up. If she had been, she would have sought me out privately and said, hey look, I know this is disorienting or whatever.

And she didn't have any kind of track record of doing that anyway. There are people out there that just love to rag on you. And I would like for you to get to the point, if that's where you are, if you've got people that are ragging on you, that are just wearing out your last good nerve, first off I'd like for you to put some space between them.

I want you to reason these things out. Go back to scripture. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and what? A sound mind. The question is, do we use our mind? Or are we just governed by our feelings and our fears and our phobias and our embarrassment or our shame or all this?

Or do we use our minds? And if there's one thing I want you as my fellow caregiver to unleash in your life is the power in your mind that God gave you to reason things out, to learn to discipline yourself and the actions that you do as a caregiver, to set good boundaries and to use logic and think it out. This is really critical in our journey as caregivers so that we're not buffeted around by stuff. I reserve the right to my own counsel. I have lived this for so long and my experience gives me good counsel. It doesn't mean I will never seek it out because I seek out counsel all the time.

I have very, very trusted, godly, scholarly people that I lean on, but I also give great respect to my experience and that experience is a teacher. I go back to this surgeon that told me to go take a break. You know, I was nervous that day.

It was a big surgery and Gracie and I never had something like that, even in our years. And you know what? He was very excited. And he told me, he said, I love doing this surgery. It helps people. And I realized something.

It was my first time but it wasn't his. And his counsel was good counsel. You go watch a movie. You go rest. You go get something to eat. I've got her.

I've got her. You know, how much more does God say that to us? Be still and know that I am God.

Rest. My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches and glory through Christ Jesus. When you look at your loved one, whoever it is you're taking care of, do you understand that your Heavenly Father says throughout all of scripture, I've got him.

I've got her. Your loved one has a savior. You're not that savior. And so when you understand these things, that becomes counsel to you. That becomes wisdom to you. To understand that you can trust God with whatever is coming down the pike.

Corrie ten Boom said it beautifully. You never go wrong trusting an unknown future to a known God. And so you don't have to be buffeted around by other people's comments, criticisms, and what they think. They're always going to offer their opinion. But your experience trumps their opinion. Do you understand that? Do you see that?

Can you hang on to that? Your counsel of experience is worthy of listening to. Quiet those other voices that are wearing you out. That are just beating on you like a ridden mule.

Quiet those voices. And listen to your experience give you good counsel. And then always, always, always, without fail, test that against scripture. God gave you a sound mind.

I want to encourage you to use it. This may be your first time dealing with all this, but it's not His. And He would have you embrace that passage.

There's no spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind. And your experience is great counsel. Listen to it.

Reserve the right to your own counsel with this. That's part of what I do. That's part of how I live. That's part of what hope for the caregiver means to me. This is Peter Rosenberg and we'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg and this is the program for you as a family caregiver.

Hopeforthecaregiver.com. That's Russ Taft. That's Gracie, my wife. And I've always loved that. And I want to just touch back on what we just talked about, the last block of your own counsel. Where does this come from? There's an old saying that wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment. Well, guess what? You've got a lot of experience.

You're seeing this. That's one of the things about living with a chronic situation is you get to repeat a lot of scenarios. And it becomes part of a routine and you're okay. You learn to make peace with certain things. You build on that knowing that he who began a good work is faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus.

See, that's that confidence. Now, go back and look at the end of Deuteronomy. You remember that moment when Moses is basically giving a history lesson of how they got there.

They're getting ready to go in the Promised Land. He's not going to go with them. But he's giving them a history lesson and he's explaining to them, okay, look, if you abide by his standards, this is what's going to happen.

If you fail these, this is what's going to happen. But here, look at what he did. Look at all the things he did. And you know all those days that you didn't think you could get through as a caregiver? Guess what?

You got through every one of them. And that's what this hymn is all about. Let me go to the caregiver keyboard here. You know this hymn. O God our help in ages past, our hope for years to come. Our shelter from the stormy blast and our eternal home. This is a great hymn.

I love this hymn. But look at what he's saying. O God our help in ages past. We realize through many dangers, toils and snares, we have already come.

It's the same thing. That experience guides our reasoning as we face something new today. There is a point where that sound mind that God has given us, we have a responsibility to develop that. To say, you know what, we're not going to freak out this time. We're not going to over it. We're not going to listen to people like this. We've seen in our experience that people like that are destructive.

Like that lady that was that way with me. We're going to listen to reason and we're going to use our disciplined mind to push away those things that are not helpful and reserve the right to our own counsel. I don't have to just follow what the group thinks. I don't have to do what the herd tells me to do. They're not there with me in the wee small hours as Frank Sinatra would sing.

It's one of my favorite Sinatra tunes, in the wee small hours. But they're not there. Think about how many people are there with you in the midst of the craziness of your life as a caregiver. How many people show up that aren't paid?

How many people are doing it? I give critics about as much respect as they give the trauma that Gracie and I carry. And if they don't give me that kind of respect, if they don't give Gracie that kind of respect, I don't listen to them. And I'm asking you not to as well. Because there are people out there that will heap things on you that are just not good. It's not that they're not helpful.

They're actually harmful. And it's really important to know the difference on that. And that's where good counsel comes into play from your own experience. And the hymn writer is singing this, Oh God our help and age has passed our hope for years to come. That's conviction. That's stalwart singing.

That's spine stiffening. To recognize, you know what? He's got us through this. All the way to here. And he's going to see us all the way home. That's actually called the doctrine of the perseverance of the saints. And I keep hammering this point down, particularly what Martin Lloyd-Jones said when he said, He saw to it that I was born. He saw to it that I believed. And he will see me home. Now the question is, again, and I'm going to say this to you.

I say this almost every week. Do you believe this? And if so, what are the implications? How will your life change because of these things?

And how do people around you know the difference? Because it's not just about us getting through caregiving and then we get on with our life. For some of us, this is our life. But I think it goes beyond that. It's not that, okay, we're going to be a caregiver for the rest of our life. Or, okay, we're going to do this. No, no, no. The purpose of it is to do what?

Is there a stewardship responsibility here? Yeah, there is. Not just me, you. There are people in your life who deserve to hear, and are quite frankly needing to hear, you share your journey of what you're learning through this. Your experience. If you'll notice, I rarely give my opinion on this program. And I certainly have one, ask my wife. But how does my opinion help you?

I mean, let's be honest. What good is my opinion? Not much. But how does my experience help you? There's a reason I have over 800 episodes on this program and have written four books. Because I've got a lot of experience. And my experience is far more valuable than my opinion. Because here's what I've learned. Here's what I've witnessed. Here's what I've touched. Here's what I've seen.

Here's what I've tested. Here's what I've endured. And I offer this as a way to strengthen fellow caregivers. Because I have a stewardship responsibility.

None of you all need my opinion. But if you're a caregiver, my experience is going to become increasingly valuable to you in this journey. How many people have been blessed by that hymn, O God our help in ages past? Because the hymn writer took the time to chronicle out a statement of faith that said he saw to it that we got through all of these other things. And he's going to see his home. Our hope for years to come. Our shelter from the stormy blast. And our eternal home. By the way, you know who wrote that?

There's Isaac Watts. One of the greatest hymn writers of all time. We've done a terrible disservice to the next generation by not helping them understand these hymns. And I'm trying to fix that problem one hymn at a time. I really want to address that issue. Because the text is everything. And I told you all I'm taking piano lessons.

I'm going to give you a report on that. But I was so encouraged. Because this group I'm taking from, and I'm going to be introducing them more to you along the way. But the first thing they said is, you've got to know the text.

You've got to know the text. You've got to know what this song is saying. And that's the number one thing of learning to play the way I'm going to be learning how to play with this.

And hopefully play better. They assured me that I will. What is the text saying? And then how can we communicate that musically that really drives it home for the listener? So that they can remember that, oh God, our help in ages past. Our hope for years to come. Our shelter from the stormy blast.

And our eternal home. I challenge you all to print off those lyrics. Get your hymnal out if you have one. And memorize that first stanza.

There's only two lines to it. But try singing that the next time you're dealing with something in the middle of the night. Try singing that to yourself the next time you're on the way to the emergency room. Try singing that the next time.

You have to watch some of the things that we as caregivers have to watch or do. It's a whole other level of understanding. And we've got a culture that, sadly, cheers us on towards accomplishment and hedonistic pleasures.

It's trite to say it's almost become a cliche of what our culture worships. Scripture teaches something different. The destination is not the palace. The destination is the cross. God will worry about the palace. Not a very fun message.

I get that. But look at what Jesus said. Luke 14, 27. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. Paul, again in Galatians 2, 20. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

The life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. Matthew 10, 38. And whoever does not take his own cross and follow me is not worthy of me. We zip past some of those words because we want to get to glory. But the destination is the cross. That was Jesus' destination.

And he instructed us to follow him. Part of that is when we take on the things that we take on. It's not that we're suffering for Christ as a caregiver.

I don't mean that and I trust that you don't take it that way because that's not what this is about. We're not martyrs in that sense. But when we die to ourselves and trust God with the resurrection, then we are more closely aligning with what Jesus did. That we're not doing this to elevate ourselves.

We're not doing this as some kind of step towards anything other than to crucify the flesh. The flesh says, I don't want to do this. The flesh says, I don't want to be a part of this. I don't like this. This is not enjoyable.

I'd rather do what I want to do when I want to do it. That's what the flesh says to do. And in this crucible, there's that word, crucible, of caregiving, we find that our flesh is put to death quite a bit.

Not enough. It takes a lifetime and it's daily. But when we do that, we don't do it out of a sense of bitterness, or resentment, or even obligation. Jesus did it for the joy set before Him. Greater love hath no man than this, that one lay down his life for another. And when we identify in Christ that way, it's a game changer. And we then are able to look at these hymns, Oh God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come, we realize it's just not about us. It's about Him. Always has been, always will be. It's about Him.

I go back to what I've said repeatedly. Sin is a bigger problem than we think it is. And the cross is a bigger deal than we could ever imagine. And when we are willing to put aside all that foolishness, and we focus on the things of God, even while we're cleaning, doing laundry, serving, denying oneself, all of those things, it's a game changer. I can't take away what you carry any more than you can take away what I carry. And I've railed against a lot of these principles that I'm talking about with you today for a lifetime.

I've had opportunity to fail pretty hard in these areas. But what I've come to understand is that this is where real living is. This is where real maturity comes from. We're going to be caregivers, and we may be caregivers for the rest of our lives, some of us.

Certainly the rest of our loved ones' lives. But we don't have to do it stupidly. We don't have to do it bitterly. We don't have to be at the mercy of people who will criticize us, often sanctimoniously and cruelly.

We don't have to do any of these things. What we do is we keep our eyes fixed on Christ. How we do it. That is hope for the caregiver.

We'll be right back. You've heard me talk about Standing with Hope over the years. This is the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie envisioned after losing both of her legs. Part of that outreach is our prosthetic limb recycling program. Did you know that prosthetic limbs can be recycled?

No kidding. There is a correctional facility in Arizona that helps us recycle prosthetic limbs. This facility is run by a group out of Nashville called CoreCivic.

We met them over 11 years ago. They stepped in to help us with this recycling program of taking prostheses and you disassemble them. You take the knee, the foot, the pylon, the tube clamps, the adapters, the screws, the liners, the prosthetic socks. All these things we can reuse and inmates help us do it. Before CoreCivic came along, I was sitting on the floor at our house or out in the garage when we lived in Nashville. I had tools everywhere, limbs everywhere, feet, boxes of them and so forth. I was doing all this myself and I'd make the kids help me.

It got to be too much for me. I was very grateful that CoreCivic stepped up and said, look, we are always looking for faith-based programs that are interesting and that give inmates a sense of satisfaction. We'd love to be a part of this and that's what they're doing. You can see more about that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Please help us get the word out that we do recycle prosthetic limbs. We do arms as well, but the majority of amputations are lower limb and that's where the focus of Standing With Hope is. That's where Gracie's life is with her lower limb prostheses. And she's used some of her own limbs in this outreach that she's recycled. I mean, she's been an amputee for over 30 years. So you go through a lot of legs and parts and other types of materials and you can reuse prosthetic socks and liners if they're in good shape. All of this helps give the gift that keeps on walking and it goes to this prison in Arizona where it's such an extraordinary ministry.

Think with that. Inmates volunteering for this. They want to do it and they've had amazing times with it and I've had very moving conversations with the inmates that work in this program. And you can see, again, all of that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. They're putting together a big shipment right now for us to ship over. We do this pretty regularly throughout the year as inventory rises and they need it badly in Ghana. So please go out to standingwithhope.com slash recycle and get the word out and help us do more if you want to offset some of the shipping. You can always go to the giving page and be a part of what we're doing there.

We're purchasing material in Ghana that they have to use that can't be recycled. We're shipping over stuff that can be. And we're doing all of this to lift others up and to point them to Christ. And that's the whole purpose of everything that we do. And that is why Gracie and I continue to be standing with Hope. standingwithhope.com