Collect the Facts and Fears

This is Peter Rosenberg and this is a minute for caregivers. A listener shared her frustration, weariness, and burnout after years of caring for her husband following a traumatic brain injury. At 68, she expressed growing concern regarding her abilities and his diminishing ones. I shared, it seems you're nearing a decision point where his needs eclipse your efforts.

You may be closer than you realize. Regardless, how about writing down what an appropriate long-term facility looks like for you and your husband? With that in mind, and given the waiting list for so many facilities, you could seek the proper place together while you can still care for your husband.

If the crisis moment arrives, you've already paved the road so that the transition is a bit smoother. As caregivers, we often must make decisions that benefit the whole unit, not just one person. The unit depends upon a capable caregiver, but fear, guilt, and obligation can hamper making the best possible decision in an impossible situation.

So many couples struggle with this dynamic and there's no easy path. Wedding vows discuss long-term care, but not long-term care facilities. Yet, leaning on a facility doesn't equate to abandoning the vows. Instead, it can help both parties better keep them. George Patton said, when you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead.