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January 13, 2021 2:42 pm
For this bonus episode of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER's podcast, we wanted to include 5 chapters of my audio book: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Enjoy ...!
You can learn more at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/books
Five euros burden for this episode of the podcast to put out five chapters of my audiobook you can get the whole book, unabridged, Ed was on audible conversion printers, whichever, but it's very formless like list price of combo meal at Burger King. Every so often I like to put out most material like this music from Gracie self of the things you just can't help fellow caregivers along the journey.
You know it's hard get harder when you trust to a level and this is why you do the show. Those of you familiar with the show and the callers all the guest folks youthink if you're new to this podcast.
Here's the core message of everything were doing in case of these five chapters and you can see more about the caregiver.com. Hope you enjoy this and feel free to share this with the caregiver, you know, part one head is hit a TAD in the quote from Proverbs 313 is happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding that another quote is from John Wayne tomorrow.
Hopefully learn something from yesterday Pilgrim and I don't know how to do a good John Wayne well pilgrim tomorrow. Hopefully learn something yesterday on that. I liked a lot of different quotes in the book and pepper them throughout you. I think you'll enjoy the this is one from the group Chicago and it was from a song written by Peterson Tara James Penn. I do believe I'm feeling stronger every day.
Here's another from Mick Jagger and Keith Richards for the Rolling Stones. I'll never be your beast of burden. My back is broad but it's a hurt and then sandblasted Frodo and the Lord of the rings. I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you. Chapter 1 shock and all but I am afraid I will trust in you.
Psalm 56, three. As caregivers we sometimes experience flashbulb moment so shocking that the memory is seared into our brains for a lifetime.
One of mine came at St. Thomas Hospital. More than 25 years ago at 3 AM memories intensify with engagement of all five senses, and that night each of mine felt slammed the bitter taste of old coffee filled my mouth as I hunched over a stack of medical records while I fought against gagging from the nauseating stance of my wife's fresh vomit.
Still on my close caffeine and stress fought against me as I tried in vain to steady my shaking hands and calm my heart down after watching her endure a seizure, ignoring the looks of nurses and staff as well as the beeps of countless machines in various announcements over the hospital intercom system.
I sit halfway down the dimly lit ward with my back against the wall and scanned over charts, lab reports and doctors notes in the massive folder the board by wife's name despite three years of marriage.
That night served as my first opportunity to review the file that steadily grown since Gracie's car accident at age 17. On November 18, 1983 after her wreck in lengthy recovery. Gracie returned to Nashville's Belmont University where I first met her mutual friends felt was a perfect match and from the moment I first saw her I agreed Peter. She's wonderful. You need to know that she had a serious car accident. No beat that left her permanently hurt one of Gracie's friends worn several others including her family repeated. The admonition is a relationship group, but with no frame of reference as to what the cost meant. I plunged ahead, nodding my head with an understanding I lacked. I assume that no matter what her injuries. I still wanted to meet her.
My limited understanding. Let me to think how bad could the car wreck a bit. After all, she's back at school that others were trying to set us up as she walked toward me I swear to you that the sun followed her every step. Although noticing the limp and didn't attract. This girl was beautiful in ways that I could not express a nearby friend offered a squeegee to help with the drool flowing from open mouth as I watched her head my way.
Surprisingly, with the forthrightness she walked right up to be stuck out her hand, smiled and said hi Peter I'm Gracie Parker I need to sit down and put my feet in your lap, plopping her misshapen feet into my lap. We set with the group of friends in the courtyard by the student center, noticing the scars extending above the ankles and disappearing under her cropped jeans. I smoothly blurted out. Good Lord girl. What happened to you with a direct look her Frank, but understated remark was only I had a bad car accident a whirlwind courtship in three years of marriage. Later I sit outside a hospital room in the middle the night following my wife's grand mal seizure.
This time I directed the same question to the pile of medical documents in front of me. Good Lord girl. What happened to Hugh, not even her family had read what I now studied pouring through doctors notes. I realize Gracie's accident was unlike anything I imagined. This was no fender bender, resulting in a broken limb that would simply serve as a weather indicator for life, turning the pages one were just Flooding my mind devastation tears hit a few of the pages as I hung my head in grief and hopelessness for the first time in my life. I felt despair that would hover over me for the next dozen years, and one that still requires my vigilance to guard against reading until dawn.
I close the massive folder and sadly noted that the cover stated volume 4 of four before converting most of her records electronically years ago now, decades ago, the volumes grew to seven for just one of the 12 hospitals were she's received treatment.
The events of that night forever altered me, along with the way I view life, hospitals, doctors, other people, my wife and even got although immature, I was devoted my sincere desire to care for this extraordinary woman led me to begin this journey.
I never imagined, however, that the road would contain such suffering, loss, heartache, self-sacrifice, failure, and love. My love for Gracie committed me to an existence dominated by constant, brutal realities that would end with the funeral, but hopefully not mine while my dying would remove me from the daily burden of carrying my death with also create an even greater hardship for the ones I love most. So even drive it off a bridge represented a poor option that night in the hospital corridor. My heart sunk as I stared at a future full of relentless challenges with no expiration date.
I felt trapped but also understood the need for me to stay alive and healthy. A difficult place for a 26-year-old man a difficult place for a 52-year-old to date. Gracie's journey includes at least 78 operations that I can count multiple amputations, not just both legs, but multiple revisions on both legs treatment by more than 60 physicians and a dozen hospital seven different insurance companies and medical costs requesting $9 million as her sole caregiver for nearly 30 years.
I have often recalled that shocked at all moment than the lonely hospital. When I read her chart for the first time somehow pushing the massive despair into an emotional box. I threw myself into the task of fixing that which cannot be fixed in managing that which cannot be managed. My wife, my responsibility someone wants to asked if possible. What would you say to your younger self. With this book is the answer to that question.
On these pages I've condensed a lifetime of experience and what I hope will be a lifeline of health to my fellow caregivers. These pages contain the things I wish someone had communicated to me through it all I've learned quite a bit about America's healthcare system through marriage to someone with extreme pain, disability and chronic crisis of learn even more about perseverance, love and relationships is not easy caring for suffering human being one who lives with a severe disability and intractable pain.
I often tell my wife you're easy to love your hard love well armed only with the relentless persistence and goofy sense of humor a few smarts and a degree in music composition, piano principle, I somehow keep the plate spinning when it comes to want to be standup comedians who played the piano and take care of a disabled wife for decades. I'm the best there is. Others may offer opinions about caregiver seems a lot of folks you talk about the subject that's okay, everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject of how to help caregiver.
However, my experience trumps opinion whatever burns my fellow caregivers struggle with. I can help.
I'm willing to put it all out there. The question is are you willing to learn from the insights, wisdom, experience, even failures gleaned from watching over someone with a broken body for three decades in the quote on that page is Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape the love that quote here's another quote from Sandra Rankin. If you're gasping for air. You can't help other people from Audrey Lord I've come to believe that caring for myself is not an act of indulgence is an act of survival and from second Thessalonians 33 but the Lord is faithful. He will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one. Chapter 2 the Delta doctrine was of this from Aretha Franklin and Ted White don't take too much IQ to see what you doing to me you better think that from the blues Brothers. I think she sing that song was a good movie.
One day while flying to Atlanta on Delta airlines and everything leaps through Atlanta, Delta, I discovered the flight attendant state. The best advice for caregivers all day long. Listen to this. In the unlikely event of the loss of cabin pressure oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling securely place your mask on first before helping anyone next to you who may need assistance with the Lord that that small directive, which I call the Delta doctrine contains applicable wisdom for so many circumstances, but probably not as poignant as for those of us serving as a caregiver for chronically ill or disabled love one, compassion and love often mistakenly lead us to hold her own breath while we try to help someone else breathe.
Once we make the decision.
It's only a matter of time before we find ourselves gasping for air and if were unable to breathe.
How can we help anyone else. Many of America 65 million caregivers desperately try to assist a vulnerable love one while growing dangerously close to blacking out themselves. Grabbing the mass verse is not a sign of selfishness, but rather the whisper of wisdom. Unfortunately, that soft voice is hard to hear over the often deafening cries of someone we love those who push the wheelchair serve as the critical team player for suffering patient. Sadly, too many caregivers don't know how to create a sustainable care structure for themselves simply getting sleep and eating a proper diet is not enough.
Caregivers must remain healthy physically, financially, emotionally, professionally and spiritually. But staying healthy is impossible. If we don't reach for the mask first help is available, but caregivers must be willing to accept that help while tuning out the fear and sometimes the panic that can consume us during highly stressful moments on a plane, one must simply reach for the mass that dangles for caregivers. However, reaching for help is different. Most of the conflicts that caregivers experience involve relationship dynamics if the patient is bleeding or injured, then it is a medical crisis, and that involves a different set of skills and needs generally referred to as triage caregiving scenarios that string the bonds of friends, family and marriage could benefit from emotional triage since the one who suffers will by definition, probably not be providing leadership in those areas, it's up to the caregivers to ensure their own safety and well-being justice. Paramedics trained to care for an agitated and sometimes even violent.
Patient caregivers can learn to protect their own emotional safety and peace of mind with the turbulence of caregiving hits. I found three simple things that help me make healthy and positive decisions in high stress moments wait water and walk. With this weight, take a moment before responding. Regardless if the culprit is dementia drugs are you just love one behaving badly. Let's start with weight weight, take a moment before responding. Regardless if the culprit is dementia, drugs, or just your love one behaving badly all types of emotional tug-of-war's seem to be happening simultaneously while caregiving if you pick up the rope and involve yourself in the tug-of-war one of two things will happen. You will wind up on your rear or you will lose and end up on your face, don't pick up the rope simply wait before responding. Rarely do you have to apologize or make amends for something you didn't say breathe slowly inhale four seconds Excel 8 seconds until you feel yourself growing calmer.
No stress and anger are toxic for good decision. So we've got to breathe a little slower and settle ourselves down, drink some cool water. It will buy you time to think more clearly avoid sugary drinks or even coughing and instead grab a bottle or glass of water. Your body needs water.
Your brain needs water from five blood pressure to fatigue.
Water helps a myriad of issues. A tanked up brain functions better drink to think walk caregiving creates extreme stress. So when things are bouncing off the walls. Take a few moments to put on some comfortable shoes and walk off some of that tension by doing so you are truly putting on the mask first getting better oxygen to your body and brain and bleeding off anxiety walking immediately helps facilitate calmness, settling yourself down allows you to bring your a game to the caregiving scenario wait water walk cost little or nothing, but can instantly help a caregiver make better decisions.
Calm down and feel more at peace. These are the initial steps of the Delta doctrine. Put your mask on first is the most responsible and caring steps in your efforts to help others in doing so, the patient gets a healthier confident, stronger, and more self-control. Caregiver who can provide leadership while offering love 24 seven emergency support increasing safety, reducing isolation, these things are more important than ever.
As we deal with the challenges of COBIT 19. How about your vulnerable loved ones. We can always check on them or be there in ways we like. That's why there's constant companion seamlessly weaving technology and personal attention to help push back against the isolation while addressing the critical safety issues of our vulnerable loved ones and their caregivers. Constant companion is the solution for families today. Staying connected staying safe. It's smart, easy, and incredibly affordable. Go to www.mycompanion247.com today. That's my companion. 247.com connection and independence for you and those you care about my companion.
247.com from Helen Keller. Face your deficiencies and acknowledge simply do not let the master you let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight, when we do the best we can.
We never know what miracles wrought in our life or the life of another is a great quote from Helen Keller and the list of this from David. Take rest a field that has rested gives a beautiful crop. Chapter 3 a different perspective in the "for that is from John Erickson, my dear friend I just actually think the world ever. Perspective is everything when you are experiencing the challenges of life. Sometimes it helps to get a different perspective on the situation in order for roles to be better defined. Let's start with a few qualifying questions did you create the condition your love one endures.
Can you cure them. Can you control what is happening to them. If you answered yes to these questions and maybe this book is not for you. If you can create cure control these type of life issues that you don't need to worry about Peter caregiver on the other hand, if you answered no to those questions, you are well on your way to understanding your powerlessness and inability to alter or change the circumstances facing you as a caregiver and that's a good thing, although my resume as a caregiver is a long and impressive one. I must confess that not only if I failed to fix the situation. I can't stop it from getting worse.
In fact, I don't think I can even slow it down, mulling over these facts, it dawns upon me that maybe I have a different role to play in this scenario. If controlling it or curing it is impossible. What is my job is caregiver after decades of putting on the Cape and mass connected like a superhero. Every time a medical crisis pops up often daily. I'm learning that my role was to love my wife do the best I can grow as a healthy individual to the best of my abilities as capable as I am.
It is abundantly clear that I'm powerless over her injuries, and equally powerless to take away any of her considerable pain. I do however have an important role to play, but can only serve in that role. If I am thinking and living in a healthy manner. When I first started out on this journey.
I put my life on hold to help her improve her life. After doing this for some time, it dawned upon me that I cannot wait for her to get better or worse before I took steps to live a healthy life and right here.
I inserted a quote from Don Diego to Alexandra in the mask of Zorro which I love.
This quote is all yes my friend you would've thought very bravely and died very quickly. That's likely ours caregivers when the hospital dealing with the medical crisis. The normal responses to stop everything and throw ourselves recklessly at the issue when the problems drag on for months, years and decades of plan must be implemented to help the caregiver build a healthy life that night in the hospital so long ago I would've been able to process a how-to manual that required even more of the precious resources that I spent every day.
I need something simple, attainable, practical, and able to do right now was that he would look like will looks like implementing easy to accomplish consistent steps to address the six major help me impact areas affected by caregiving. When I say help me listen what it spells out health emotions, lifestyle, profession, money and endurance help me focusing on the health of the caregiver is not selfish or self-centered.
In fact, it is the opposite by not seeking a healthy life of my own, physically, physically and mentally. I risk greater harm to the one I love.
As her sole support system. Her well-being is jeopardize. If I make unhealthy choices. If your own life is a ticking time bomb waiting to cause massive damage to the one you love, makes it hard where the label caregiver dissident. My perspective required changing healthy caregivers make better caregivers in the quote at the end of that chapter is from Andy Rooney go to bed whenever you're staying up for. Is it worth it CodeBase that and then I start off each new chapter with more quotes and I up a lot of these and because it just helps us think about things different this is from Charles Spurgeon of the cult of the prince of preachers, no life can surpass that of a man who quietly continues to serve God in the place where Providence has placed him and then this is from SS Cruz find out where you can render a service then rendered the rest is up to the Lord and then for Barbara Bush.
Some people give time.
Some people give money.
Some their skills and connections. Some literally give their life's blood, but everyone has something to give chapter for your decision to serve the greatest among you will be your servant.
Matthew 2311 so you decided to be a caregiver there upset it you decided to be a caregiver, you probably think Peter you don't understand I do decide to take this job. It was forced upon me.
Well, if that's what you're thinking. I respectfully disagree. Since you're reading this book.
I'm pretty sure you decided not to run away. At least not quite yet and you still consider yourself to be a giver of care. You've made the decision to participate in stay in the marathon called caregiving so that indicate something special about you. Here's why. According to the greatest and most often quoted source in human history, the carpenter from Nazareth.
You are among a group he calls the greatest of these, according to Jesus, you're not middle of the pack you're not bringing up the rear. Because of your decision to serve. He maintains that you have reached the pinnacle of earthly success, and if he believes it. Who are you to say otherwise. Are you feeling a little isolated or fearful or decidedly unsuccessful on those feelings are totally understandable because you live in a world that glorifies power, prestige, fame and money in this world awards go to CEOs, movie stars, professional athletes and supermodels. Caregivers who volunteer to care for suffering human being for much years and even decades, but the words of Jesus teaches that the most esteemed men and women on this planet are not the widely recognized spaces we see on magazine covers the greatest among us are those who served and that includes you listen what Martin Luther King said everybody can be great because anybody can serve as a great quote when the unrelenting demands of caregiving leave you gasping for air. You may not will feel like a riproaring success. In fact, when the bills piled high in the paperwork piles hire you may believe quite wrongly that genuine success is out of your reach. When those feelings wash over you. I refer you to a higher authority who was already awarded you with life's greatest merit badge because you decided to stay to serve and to care your esteemed by God himself. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Proverbs 1312, Paul Valeri, we hope vaguely but dread precisely Steve Jobs said you can't connect the dots looking forward.
You can only connect them. Looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots was somehow connected in your future and I love this from Romans 52 through seven and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who is been given to us. Chapter 5 hope for the caregiver. They overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. Revelations 1211 every day I encountered caregivers who are struggling to keep their heads and their hearts above water.
Often times these men and women have made heroic sacrifices for their loved ones if they still feeling vague sense of guilt. Sometimes I feel afraid, grief stricken, or anxious, or perhaps they feel nothing at all just feel no knowledge journey is unique. The constant grind leads many to share the common feeling of hopelessness not only disheartening for the caregiver that feeling also bleeds over to well-meaning people who try to console but sadly missed the mark.
Over the years, others have tried to offer consolation to Gracie me when they see the challenges we live with. I hate what you have to go through but look at the testimony is often repeated to us. Another one is your burns are great but look what God is done through you alter your standing with Hope ministries stay with hope it's the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie launched after giving up her legs.
Further still, with Alton heard what I called the consolation of speculation God clearly has a plan and a purpose for all this, or you wouldn't be here and really make puts thank you very much for sure that love this quote, though, from Edward, but it is the answer from him. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness you. I appreciate the sentiment behind all the statements of people say to us, but they are just that sentiment and sentiment is not hope. Go back to that quote from the him. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness a great testimony and even powerful ministry to Gracie's fellow amputees is not consolation prize for the harshness of our lives is wonderful as our work is in West Africa that is not what strengthens our heart during brutal times. Let me think about that. If it Gracie's have a seizure derivative or is it will Gracie I know you have a seizure. I know you're just screaming in pain right now for something else, or under your whatever but you know you're helping amputees walk in Africa that's a real noble thing that it doesn't offer any comfort in that. That know our consolation has to be greater than simply doing good works, and even having a great message. The challenges this world are crushing and will bust you up and beat you down. We've all seen too many individuals could experience harsh events and then they all too quickly promoted testimony of their journey, then fall apart under the hot lights of fame and exposure. The testimony alone can't sustain. And it doesn't offer long term hope it seems too many mixed testimony with inspirational message according to Revelation 1211.
They overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony, our testimonies, bearing witness to the work and its author. That's what telling those who struggle that they have a great testimony is missing the mark, pointing to the author, rather than the testimony offers tangible hope when your wife is seizing going into respiratory arrest screaming in agony are listlessly looking often living in a place where she can be reached.
No minister testimony provides consolation in those moments when I hang my head on is far greater than those things. And that's what helps me push back against hopelessness standing alone in the hospital quarters raging in my powerlessness, watching Gracie grimacing in pain daily checking to see if she's breathing or hanging my head in weariness. I depend upon a greater source of hope in consolation than what my mind and the mind of others can fully comprehend. That's it for this special bonus material to podcast some sample chapters of my book over the caregiver. Stay tuned for a great message from John Butler and Gracie and me, this is John Butler and I produce hope for the caregiver with Peter Rosenberger.
Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talk to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey.
Take a listen Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach.
Did you ever think that inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and orange everything you see all this.
What is it do you make me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to me like someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out course, being in the hospital so much and so long and so that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as as one man said something good family with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled.
Now I had no idea and I thought of Peg leg. I thought of wooden legs.
I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex fate. The legs and all that. I never thought about that as you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people.
Now walk the providing the means for the supplies to get over there.
What is it do to you. Just on the heart level.
I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I could be able to go and say this guy right here Denise go to Africa with that. I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave.
I don't want to leave them. I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with what you think of the faith-based programs.
The core civic offers. I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate at the man that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it and I know that this one are is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't happen and I think that says so much that has anything to do with me just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people.
If people want to donate or use prosthetic limbs, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody about groom have donated some of your own for the did have it out of the do that please go to standing with out.com/recycle staining with help.com/recycle. Thanks Grace