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Let Me Be Brutally Honest

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
November 7, 2022 3:30 am

Let Me Be Brutally Honest

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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November 7, 2022 3:30 am

"Let Me Be Brutally Honest."

A recent article listed annoying phrases permeating our culture's conversation. Statements like, "I'm sorry if I offended you" or "At the end of the day," were, of course, included – but an additional phrase buried in the list captured my attention:

"Let me be brutally honest."

Most at the receiving end of that phrase can affirm that what follows leans more towards brutal rather than honest.

Like a fighter adjusting an opponent's chin to deliver a knockout punch, "let me be brutally honest" is often a setup to a haymaker. Those who lead with that phrase are not asking for consent. And it's doubtful they will accept "no" before charging ahead. Furthermore, while honesty often requires discretion, it does not need permission.

And who wants to allow brutal treatment?

Hearing that phrase from others is bad enough, but how many caregivers speak 'brutally honest" with themselves? Not with the intent to reform but rather to rebuke.

Candid conversations offer clarity of circumstances without the berating. "Despite my mistakes, here's what's working– and what can improve."

Constructive words and a softer tone (with others and ourselves) won't absolve failures and missteps but can promote a more honest evaluation – minus the brutality.

The brutally honest person enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more. – Richard J. Needham

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As caregivers we have so many things that hit us all the time and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves. Who helps you?

What does that look like? I'm Peter Rosenberger and I want to tell you about a program I've been a part of now for almost 10 years and that's Legal Shield. For less than 30 dollars a month I have access to a full law firm that can handle all kinds of things. If I get a contract put in front of me, if I get a dispute with something, doesn't matter. I've got a full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with, power of attorney, medical power of attorney. I will.

Every bit of it. As a caregiver we need someone who advocates for us and that's why I use Legal Shield. So go to caregiverlegal.com look on the left hand side where it says Legal Shield, just select it.

It turns purple. It says pick a plan. It'll give you some options.

If you don't need any of those, don't select them. Check out and be protected starting today. That's caregiverlegal.com. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. We're glad that you're with us.

HopeForTheCaregiver.com. That track is from my friend Rob Galbraith. I've known Rob for over 30 years back in Nashville. Big time producer and songwriter and publisher, wonderful friend and caregiving dad.

I've had him on my program before when we were doing it out of Nashville and just an amazing story. Rob's got one of the best senses of humor you've ever encountered. I tell him often that he gets a lot of my material. He's always making fun of me too, because I'll tell him a joke. He says, Peter, you trying out your material on me? Am I your guinea pig?

Yes, you are Rob. He lets me use some of his music and was a really strong mentor to me musically. We used to be in choir together at church and he was very gracious to me.

He would say things like, well, you're a real legit player, Peter, you know, kind of thing. Because I could read music and things such as that, but he could flat out play a keyboard, still can't. And just, you know, singer, guitar player, I mean, just an amazing talent.

And I would stand in awe just watching him do things the way he would just feel a groove and everything else. And I just, I've told you all often, I'm Indiana Peter in the tempo of doom. But Rob's just that old school Nashville music and just knows how to bring it. So thanks Rob for letting me use some of your stuff here. And by the way, I hope you all enjoyed a snippet of my interview with Mary Tutterow. Please go out to the podcast. It's a free podcast. And depending on how you listen to podcasts, like if you're on Apple or Amazon or whatever, you should be able to see the video that I put up there. If not, then like if you're on Spotify, I don't think Spotify plays video.

So just kind of be aware of that, but it's free. Whatever podcasting platform you use, you could access this at Hope for the Caregiver. It's HopeForTheCaregiver.com and you'll see the podcast there. Follow along or just search for Hope For The Caregiver under podcast, whatever you use. And I hope you'll, and share that, share it with others who you think might benefit from. We've got almost 700 episodes out there now.

So please take advantage of that Hope For The Caregiver, the podcast, the website, the Facebook page, all the things I do out there. I was reading in a magazine the other day and it had a whole bunch of annoying phrases that permeate our culture's conversation. Annoying phrases. You know, like, I'm sorry if I offended you, which is one of my top ones that I just hate because you're not, you're not apologized for anything.

I'm sorry if I offended you. You know, I hate that one. At the end of the day, you know, those were, those were some of the phrases they included.

And I was looking down the list and one of them that was buried in there caught my attention. Let's see if it has the same effect on you. Listen to this. Let me be brutally honest. The most at the receiving end of that phrase can affirm that what follows leans more towards brutal rather than honest. Wouldn't you say? It's like a fighter.

You know, you ever see those with boxers or somebody in a fight and they kind of position the guy's chin just to get that right position and then they're going to follow it with a haymaker. It's a setup. Let me be brutally honest. People who lead with that phrase, they're not looking for consent. Let me, they're using the word, let me like, okay, if I say no, are you going to keep talking? Are you going to stop? No, they're not going to stop. Let me be, they're not asking for permission.

They're going to just charge right on ahead. And while honesty requires discretion, it does not need permission. Let me be brutally honest. Well, you don't need my permission to be honest. Discretion would be helpful when we're talking with people, but you don't need permission to be honest.

And who is going to give consent to brutal treatment? Let me be brutally honest. No, I don't want you to be brutally honest. And you shouldn't lead with that. That's a terrible way to do that. And as bad as that is, hearing that from others, I got to ask you, how many of us talk to ourselves that way?

I have. I mean, I've berated myself. We're not doing it with the intent to reform. We're doing it to rebuke ourselves. We're just, it's that harshness.

I mean, surely I'm not alone in that. It's important to have candid conversations, even with ourselves, candid conversations that they can offer clarity of circumstances without the beating up and the berating. Despite my mistakes, here's what's working and here's what can improve kind of thing. Okay. That's a frank conversation. That's just looking at it honestly.

Here's where I messed up. Here's what I can do to fix this, to make amends, to go from here. Constructive words and a softer tone with others and ourselves. It's not going to absolve the failures or the missteps, but that's not the purpose of it. It can promote a more honest evaluation, however, without the brutality.

We just don't need that in our life. We've got enough brutal. So when somebody comes up to you and say, let me be brutally honest, they're not really going to be honest. They're just going to be brutal.

There's a great cartoonist up in Canada, Richard Needham. He said, the person who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty, possibly more. I would concur with that statement. If somebody's going to be honest with you, then they're going to give you an honest assessment, and that's including the good stuff too.

That's including the successes. Those who want to come up with that phrase are just looking to bludgeon somebody, and you don't have to be the recipient of that bludgeoning, and neither do I, and we don't have to do it to ourselves either. I'm not about to excuse my failures at all.

They don't deserve excuse, but what they do deserve is an honest assessment. Okay, why am I here? Why did I do this? Why did this happen?

How did this... You know, I had a situation... Let me give you an example. Gracie, she had a bacterial infection, the respiratory stuff, and they treated her with a sulfa drug, like bactrin or something like that, to kind of burn it out of her. Well, she's also on Coumadin. She takes for blood thinners because she threw some blood clots many years ago, and she's had so many different transfusions.

She's developed a coagulation issue, and so anytime you put her on any kind of sulfa drug, it's going to cause her PTINR to jump up, her clotting factor in her blood. It jumped up so high, it was dangerous. We're down in the emergency room, and I completely forgot about it. She did too, and quite frankly so to the doctors.

I mean, there's so many things going on with her that sometimes something can get overlooked. It was just a mistake. We got it under control. We fixed it and made a note to not do this again, but does anybody want somebody to come to me, Gracie, or even the doctor say, let me be brutally honest? No, we just look at it for what it is and say, okay, it was a mistake. How do we learn from this?

What can we do to make sure this doesn't happen again? That's the kind of thing I'm looking for out of myself and the relationships I have with people. I don't mind being called on the carpet for stuff when I make a mistake, but it's always with the intent of how do we shore this up, not how do we beat you up. I go back to Scripture with this because Proverbs has actually a lot to say about this particular topic of speaking kinder words to each other and being in a place where we're not just beating people down. Proverbs 16, 24, kind words are like honey sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Our bodies could use a little bit of extra health, couldn't they? Proverbs 15, 26, the thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but the words of the pure are pleasant words. Proverbs 25, 11, like golden apple set in silver is a word spoken at the right time. Proverbs 15, 23, everyone enjoys a fitting reply.

It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time. I love this verse in Hebrews 10, 24, and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works. I don't want to provoke anyone to despair and I don't want to be provoked to despair. I don't want to provoke myself to despair.

I'd like to provoke myself unto love and to good works. That comes from having an honest, frank-handed discussion, but not a brutal one, okay? Let me be brutally honest. No, I don't want to let you be brutally honest. And I don't want me to be brutally honest. We can be honest without the brutality.

We can do this. And of course, none of this is to in any way excuse infractions, mistakes, bad things that we've done, anything like that. It is an opportunity to honestly assess it for what it is, and then ask for the grace and strength and courage to make amends where we can, to ask for forgiveness where we need to, and to trust God with redeeming these things. All of this plays into our walk as calmer, healthier, and dare I say it, more joyful people, as caregivers, as human beings. So when somebody comes up to you the next time they do and they say, let me be brutally honest, I don't care what the circumstances are, don't you think it might be helpful, healthier, to take a step back from somebody like that? And if you're doing it to yourself, don't you think it might be helpful, healthier, to maybe take a step back from talking to yourself this way? And go back to Scripture to see what God has to say about it.

Let's not trust our assessment, let's trust His. And as He guides us, we'll see it with more clarity and have better direction on what to do with it, whether we need to repent. I mean, remember back in 2 Samuel when David was confronted by Nathan the prophet, after all the stuff with Bathsheba and Uri the Hittite, and Nathan said, thou art the man. He didn't say, let me be brutally honest.

He said, thou art the man. The truth was enough to convict without Nathan having to take any kind of pleasure of delivering it, without Nathan putting himself in any other position than to be obedient to God and what the Holy Spirit was leading him to do to say to this king, thou art the man. Truth can be harsh. We don't need to embellish it with our own harshness. And even in those moments where truth is harsh, God's grace abounds more, and that is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger, hopefothecaregiver.com. We'll see you next time.
Whisper: small.en / 2022-11-07 05:52:40 / 2022-11-07 05:55:51 / 3

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