Knowing When Or When Not To Act

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Services are provided by Vanguard Advisors Inc., a registered investment advisor. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. We're so glad you're with us.

That is my wife, Gracie, from her CD, Resilient. You all have sent me so many notes. This audience is so awesome. You guys care for us. You pray for us.

I get all these notes, and I'm very, very grateful. And you've asked about how she's doing, and she's had a hard year. Last year, this time, she fell and broke her leg, or broke her femur. She has two prosthetic legs, for those who don't know her. And then as she was recovering from all that, and a pretty big surgery to fix that, it was a pretty rough break. And then she lost her mother. And then she had this big back surgery scheduled in January, and she was in the hospital for 10 weeks. And so it's been a hard year for her, and she's no stranger to hard years, but this has been a particularly difficult year. Four, thank you for your prayers. She is getting better.

It's just very, very slow. She's out walking with the help of her physical therapist, and is pushing herself. It's just a slow process of recovery for her.

And I know this audience gets that. I will tell you that she is looking forward to getting back in the studio and singing some more. She's got some great songs that we've been working on the tracks for, and I've got some wonderful players in Nashville that are putting together some tracks. And then she'll get into a studio that a friend of ours has out here in Montana, and she'll lay down the vocals.

And I can't wait for you to hear some of these songs. So that will be forthcoming, if you can just bear with us. It's just been a difficult journey for her. But she's tough, and she is resilient. We're returning to Denver for a follow-up visit with her neurosurgeon, and her physical therapist here in Montana said, please ask if I can push her a little harder.

So Gracie looked at me like, oh my goodness. But it's time, and we hope that he'll clear her and say that the fusion and all of her back is strong enough that she can start doing some more activities. Thank you for your continued prayer on that.

And I would ask that you lift her up. She lives with a lot of pain, and she wrestles with it daily, and sometimes it gets the best of her. And so we do ask for continued prayer for both of us. You know, in trauma, the clock is the adversary, but in caregiving, it's the calendar. You know, these things take a long time. Healing takes a long time. There's a longevity to what we do as caregivers. You know, and emergencies demand an immediate response. But quick actions from caregivers can often result in several battles on multiple fronts. And tell me if I hit the target with this one.

Nothing stretches a caregiver too thin like rushing to a crisis while already embroiled in one. Did you ever see that movie, The Mask of Zorro? It was Anthony Hopkins and, oh, I cannot believe the guy's name escaped me. Antonio Banderas. That was it. Antonio Banderas.

Okay. So he wants to rush off and avenge his brother's death against this very, very bad guy. And at this point, Don Diego, played by Anthony Hopkins, intercepts him and he stops him from going off to take his revenge on this guy because he knows he's not ready. He's ill-equipped and he's rushing off to battle. And he says this wonderful line, oh yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly. Does that resonate with you as a caregiver? We fight very bravely and die very quickly. You know, we rush into these things and you can't do that as caregivers.

You've got to pace yourself. In the long journey of caregiving, caregivers benefit from incorporating what I call discretionary valor. Discretionary valor.

For many caregivers, including me, the default is to hurl ourselves or our opinions recklessly at situations that require neither. Being still often takes an enormous discipline and being still is its own form of bravery. I mean, think about all the scriptures that talk about being still. How many times did God tell his people to be still? Be still and know that I am God. Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.

Remember in the Garden of Gethsemane, you know, Peter went and cut off Malchus' ear and Jesus told him to put his sword away. Be still. This isn't your battle to fight. You don't have to rush into this. How many times have we, and think about yourself here, thinking about the times I have, rushed into situations recklessly and I've offered my opinion, I've opened up my mouth, but I shouldn't have. So just be quiet. Be still. Some may not recognize it, but knowing when or when not to act often reflects extraordinary wisdom and courage. Now, people, again, may not validate that. Some people may think, well, you're just being quiet.

You're just, you know, you're slow or you don't have anything to offer. But sometimes what we have to offer is just learning to be still and to be quiet and to use some discretion. And it takes a lot of bravery to use discretion in times like this, particularly when there's a crisis brewing on any given day. It's hard to stay at one's post when it seems that everything is falling apart.

You just want to rush around and start fixing things. Is that right? Am I speaking to the right crowd here? Yet one's mental, M-E-T-T-L-E, is often tested by not interfering when things get dicey. Sometimes others need to experience failure in order to grow.

Should I say that one more time? Sometimes others need to experience failure in order to grow. And if we hamper that experience, it inhibits their growth. Sometimes you and I need to experience failure in order to grow as caregivers.

And if people intercept us and hamper that, we're not going to grow. We're going to have to keep repeating that same lesson until we get it. Although it's not often valued, discretionary valor remains one of the most critical attributes a caregiver can utilize. While soldiers receive medals reflecting bravery under duress, our medals for discretionary valor appear differently. We're not going to wear them pinned on our uniform, on our chest, but we do get awards for this.

You know what they look like? They look like peace of mind. That's an award that you get for discretionary valor, peace of mind. You know what another one is?

Less drama. That's an award you get for discretionary valor. You know what another one is? A good night's sleep.

A good night's sleep. That's learning to control your own thoughts, words, and deeds, and not insert them into a situation that doesn't require them. And it takes a lot of work, a lot of discipline, and a lot of trust that God is working in this and doesn't need you to jump in.

There's an old saying I like. It says, don't just do something. Stand there. Don't just do something.

Stand there. It sounds counter intuitive, but is it? It seems to line up with so much of what scripture states over and over and over. In fact, that's what that hymn, Be Still My Soul, reflects. Remember I told you I think I'm going to do 25 hymns that everybody ought to know, and last week he was there talking about it as a Redeemer. But this week, I think I'll do Be Still My Soul.

Producer Pat, would you play Gracie singing this? Be still, my soul. The Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide. In every change, he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul. Thy best, thy heavenly friend. Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.

Isn't that extraordinary? Look at that lyric. Leave to thy God to order and provide. That sounds an awful lot like learning to be still and take your hands off a situation.

You know, there's a reason these hymns have endured for hundreds of years, some of them. It's because they have plumbed the depth of what the core issue is for all of us. And again, go back to what I talked about in the last block. Is the core issue learning all these tips as caregivers? Is it caregiving task?

Is that really what the core issue is? Or is it learning to be in control of our own thoughts, words, and deeds? Is it learning for us to use discipline, and discretion, and wisdom, and stillness, and trust?

Even in the midst of the craziness, I know it is hard to stay at your post when everything looks like it's falling apart and getting really gnarly. Yet that is what we often find is the most appropriate thing to do, is to be still. And let me clarify, being still doesn't mean we just sit there in front of the television or just sit in a chair. We can be still while doing task as caregivers. Being still is a matter of our spirits, of our heart, of trusting that God is responsible for results here. We are stewards, and so therefore we can trust Him. And we don't have to run into every battle that we see.

We don't have to go to every fight that we get a ticket to. We can just be still and leave to thy God to order and decide as the great hymn says. This is Peter Rosenberg. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Don't go away. We'll be right back.