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Three Funerals Are Coming - But In What Order?

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
September 29, 2021 3:06 pm

Three Funerals Are Coming - But In What Order?

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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September 29, 2021 3:06 pm

Caller shared the plight of his sister-in-law, wife, and himself. It quickly became apparent that there are three funerals coming, but in which order? 

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So let's go to Luke in a Georgia look good morning Luke. Are you feeling Luke are you want water in order to better knowledge: sizes look good here. I'm sorry Luther Luther how you feeling well and then will let you get on your mother this morning. All of the garlic, wood and caregiving. Not the seven of them a lot with her family, and the letter, like, very difficult for her, but my mom and my walk with you that yucky and I declare your perfect and equipment, help her.

That was good you do with the use Luther you caregiving or should your wife is caregiving.

You both are in you taking care of your taking care of whom now okay or not. And what's going on with her sister It working like that; sister has diabetes. And while she is, a dollop of Higginbotham while Mike got television, particularly in the number read our little if you could describe your wife's current circumstances and maybe one word, what would that be to get a better picture of what's going on with your wife will will is there anybody else that can sub in for herbicide. You want to her brother, none of the guard affect the heart, I found it 35 4191 to bring in a giggle to bring any kind of service that would help with your sister-in-law, and can't not be able to continue doing that,,, can you do it you know just like one day a week other fingers. It did even that's out of the reach but become irate. But is that a financial decision. Okay how old is your sister-in-law. Okay. Before going okay and and if it happens to you. If something happens to your wife. What's the plan for your sister-in-law. When we don't know what happened. I guess I will care as opposed to her other sister to shoot but I don't think that would happen is that other sister unwilling or unable unable and unwilling does it. Is it possible for you guys to sit and have some kind of meeting with someone. This involved with your sisters keep your sister-in-law's care to lay out a plan of care because this is the at the rate you're going, basically here's here's what's gonna happen. Luther at the rate you're going, this is going to consume your wife and then ultimately consume you.

Somebody somebody that have a funeral and weathers good to you, your wife or your sister-in-law. All three of you eventually go to have one. It just depends on how this thing plays out is visible in order to have the mid-so if you go down first. If so, how is your health.

By the way, Luther. Okay several bypass surgery rockabilly event okay look, if you have several bypass surgery.

Let's back up okay is not the word I would look for.

Even though you can certainly cover my active life but of how I was your house you wait.

Luther hey Tony and how tall are you following okay I has your cholesterol and everything running now, one cannot arrive around 100 okay to me. But you got your wife's weight how's her weight and about try to get a new business. I just has a house or what ever life keep a human.

Probably okay and how's her cholesterol. Okay, so if you can't really hear bypass. So here's what this thing is hanging hanging out Luther. Here's what here's where we here's where you guys are you guys are you guys are driving on a very, very winding mountain road and there's not many guardrails and it's at night in your headlights are not working properly. That's how dangerous this is.

So this is going to the stress of this thing is going to if your wife is wore out. She's on insulin. She's diabetic Udo overweight back and okay she's got a lot of situations going on here and she's taking care of somebody who's also in bad shape. You are doing okay at this point, but you still have some some underlying issues.

This situation requires immediate action list that immediate action sit down and have a care plan for all three of and that's good.

Take a train, provide somebody that's got some kind of experience and and so forth to sit there with you guys like this thing out. There's going to be a funeral. This will be three funerals. We just don't know what orders are to come in yet but if if if your wife goes first. Then your sister-in-law and you are going to have a brutal experience dealing with this. If you go first, that your wife is left holding the bag. If your sister-in-law go then you go to be taking care of your wife.

All three of you made a plan of care. When's the last time you saw your doctor. Luther all okay was last time you wife saw her doctor last night. My what is the result of this oil I get there will never find that knowing that since this is like.

I like a lot you got got out that he had Parkinson's and she had to okay Lutheran, Luther just could be blunt with you here because that just the nature of what we talk about here. How sustainable is this moment exactly the right answers that's the that's the right answer. You guys are really heading for some very dangerous water. If your doctor just say let's just you just keep on keeping on. You need to get a different Dr. there needs to be an aggressive plan of care for all three of Dr. Barbee anything today that well if you don't have a doctor that you going to need to see some type of caseworker care work some type of social worker somebody that can get you a plan of care have a team approach this thing is yours is a team would come out to all talk about this on the next block, and I've got to go to the right here. I'll give you some thoughts and hang on just listen on and I will talk about what you can do the next block so for you as a family caregiver that you are with us. 888-589-8840 want to circle back to Luther. The last call here what's going on is that we get to recap your what I was able to glean he was his wife is not well herself and she's taking care of her sister, whose even less well. Luther himself is had bypass surgeries and other issues but this is this is all very very very dangerous. Both are dealing with in the stress of caregiving is not noted for being a help to people who are already in bad shape. So, given that where you start with the support he starkly both saw the doctor last week and evidently nothing much is happening where you start well if his wife for his wife is diabetic and she take care of her sisters diabetic and blind and has other underlying health issues that the diabetes is something that that can be addressed not 100% but certainly addressed with proper eating. So if you're overweight, guess what you have to get underweight. You have to get that weight off of you and change your eating habits you can do that right now that is something that can be done right now. Their playthings go out online and you look for diabetic menus that you can eat, and you start changing the way you eat, you start exercising and you start taking care of your body physically and if your doctor is not giving you that kind of support get a different Dr. there plenty of them out there that would be glad to help give you some guidance to towards crawling back to a healthier lifestyle, but it starts with watching what goes into your mouth. Okay, the last thing you want to do is kill yourself with a knife and fork. So you change the way you eat and you change it today, you're not, you can get here overnight enough to get out of this overnight but you could start drinking a whole lot more water and a whole lot less soda or sweet tea or fruit drinks or whatever that have so much high sugar in it. Okay you do that today doesn't cost a darn thing to do that second thing is it's time to sit down with the with a sustainable plan of care as best as possible. You may be able to do this for the next couple of months then you want to develop another one little go even further. But right now you're in crisis but you get to a short-term path of medium-term path and a long-term path because the three of them are not in good shape and there shall be three funerals which order are they going to go. It is the question and depending on who goes first is going to create even more drama and more heartache and more suffering. So we there has to be a sit down with an honest conversation. There's there's there's family counselors that can help with this, their social workers, a lot of your doctors can refer you to a social worker who could sit down with you and have a plan of care, particularly if if one or more of these individuals are on Medicare disability and so forth their resources out there that you can tap into, but you gotta raise your hand and say were going to do this will take charge this, you cannot leave things hanging there is no open end this level just wait and see.

No we don't fit doctors tell me that before and and and medical staff is a well were going see us and how long can only was overweight three weeks okay on three weeks to give you call that every that's what I do, I'd never leave anything open-ended if we are latency 45 minutes or 45 days.

It doesn't matter that is waiting is an action step, but there is not an open into this okay this is unsustainable.

So for those of you are in similar positions where you're in a situation where you don't know what else to do. You can study deal with what you can control first. You can control what goes in your body. Okay, you can control what goes in your mouth then you can control what you're physically doing exercising some type of physical activity you may have neuropathy you may have ISSUES you get it, but what does it every like she's in pain all the time, but she physically pushes herself to do something whether it's doing you know arm exercises or whatever else but you. You can't just sit around okay. We were going to work in the cancer cells into a grave. She got a physically move one of things I did for example, you know what I mean.

I was getting.

I was putting on some house. Every character goes with this we get, we gain weight. I mean, I get so big picture fell off the wall.

I beat it ghetto.

It happens I started doing martial arts and and started working myself in the shape I got rid of a sitting desk and I went to a standing desk. They say standing is the sitting is the new smoking. I don't know if that's true, but that's what they say.

All I do is I stand.

I'm standing when I do this show. I stand when I do this I'm always moving around and I strive to stay active but but you, you've got to do something, you get everybody can do something and and it's important to take action with that, sit down, have a meeting if you don't know who to call. Start with your pastor and say look when you develop a plan to give the pastor looks clueless.

Go to the next person. You keep going aggressively until you get a plan of care that is going to give you guys wisdom and leadership and guidance throughout this process and you stick to that and is never going to be one thing, there's no magic bullet for this is just hard work.

But what your options are a funeral and even more suffering.

So were going have to roll up the sleeves little bit.

I member the first time I stepped into a martial arts class was hard work.

I started putting down sodas and grabbing water.

It's it, I put down a Snickers bar and get an apple and I still have relapses for how love to get a candy bar will tell you when the last one I had was yesterday, but I but I have to push back and keep going to mean I'm not I'm not having a Nazi approach the same word that you can't do this at all. I'm just asking you start making life choices that are little bit better and eventually you'll start making the sequence of because the alternative is death and suffering. That's where Luther and his family are right now so you got it.

A family history of diabetes, you got Parkinson's involves you get triple bypass or that's involved, you got a lot of different things involved in their all in the 60s anybody here want to weigh in on how this is really and this is this is not going to end well without some aggressive stance on this okay.

Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. I've been saying this since I launched my show. I would say this is I wrote my book and we caregivers somehow think were just going to just white knuckle this thing until we get this love lawn to the grave, not realizing that we are in danger of the grave ourselves so we don't take this can action were in trouble that starts a lot of time but it always starts in the heart and you you you can't just start try to do one thing without realizing your whole mind and heart got to change.

Got a thing on the podcast. Glad see it says it can we change the way we think. Yet we can't, we must is the most recent episode. Got to hope the character that comes free.

Just listen to it is only 10 minutes of change in the way we think about the sort of things that we get aggressive about it.

Be good stewards of our bodies of the situation were in and as we go through this, then the Scriptures the songs that I put out there for you mean something you are my hiding place.

You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance whenever I'm afraid I will trust in you.

And as we put down a soda and pick up the water. I will trust in you because you beat a good steward in your trust in God to give you the strength to make better decisions with this. It's that simple. And this is where Luther and his family. Artists were probably a lot of us are been there myself still have to fight.

It's not a one and done, it's a daily changing of your lifestyle


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