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The "Child Voice" of a Caregiver

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
August 27, 2020 5:57 pm

The "Child Voice" of a Caregiver

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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August 27, 2020 5:57 pm

Caregivers often respond with what the "adult" responsibilities and expectations in them prompt them to say. 

But the heart sometimes speaks a different language. 

Peter Rosenberger is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. 

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This is based as a family caregiver are you feeling. The reason is because so many ignore the character and some the caregivers allow themselves to be not on the show and we are so thrilled to have you with us if you would be a part of the show 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 stream show live on our Facebook page and hope the caregiver and other group pages and so forth. If you will be a part of that why you're watching: show you could be here with not just me but himself.

John Butler, the Celt of mighty disco himself, how you doing what you do.

It just lovely John, thank you for being a part of this a couple just the business notes real quick. We broadcast the show every Saturday morning at 8 AM Eastern and we just punched through Johnny were on over 200 stations that that's right here and I'm extraordinarily grateful for that. And then we will be podcast we do the left podcast interviews and so forth here on Sunday evenings and we we just changed over to our new podcasting company which I was little bit hesitant to do but I got Gaza working with Bill part of a network can do that we should know you need to do this it will want to lose it all the data and so forth. And they said no I got it but it's it's all there, because we just hit are we just punch through over 50,000 downloads now that we've had are not just which for some people that may not be a lot, that's a lot to me. John and I don't. I love it, but were on every kind of podcast platform out there and it's a free podcast we push out and we hope you take advantage of it and share it with friends going through different things. What were separate about topics in all that Stuff to do and then I get calls at about people that had a call yesterday about the book and they wanted to know where they can get the books and CDs and so forth. And they're all out of the dot-coms you Amazon and and so forth.

If you want to book in the audiobook which you help me do John and it's an unabridged audiobook which I evidently that's not normal all really a lot of people book will condense it down and and so and then allow to know a lot of authors don't even read their own book well it depends on what kind of pipes. The author has true, but I did not all authors are in radio you know that right now okay but it it it is it is time-consuming and cumbersome. You were with me when I did a lot of it is and there's about, but at the same time I felt like it was important to do in the gives caregivers you know a just a familiar voice to hear whether going through some the things you go through so that's all available out there and then if you want the physical copies of the book of the CDs or whatever you want, you can go out to our website. Hopefully caregiver.com there's Gracie CD and you can click on that and that you said to help raise funds for what we do for the nonprofit that is the parent company of all their standing with you for Gracie story and so forth.

We have two different programs listed with that we have a prosthetic limb outreach. We have caregiver averages for the wounded and those who care for them and if you haven't heard, Gracie story working to find out where that is.

Well, her book, which is available wherever books are sold in the skull Gracie standing with within that and it is a powerful story and you will you learn why we do what we do and will send you her CD and then all the other books logos bookstore in Nashville, Tennessee will ship them all over the place. They have literally shipped out of Mongolia.

He told me this gentleman is not a story but yeah and and so that's a 615-297-5388 and they won't. They have all of our products are because you don't go to bookstores like he used to be bore you now mean an end, but I don't go to the grocery store like I will.

But he will ship he's got everything there. He'll ship it to you.

You know, just you let them know 615-297-5388 that is Ken Nizar over at logos bookstore. I get to what I was talked about today John and then we got a guest at the bottom of the hour to talk about some financial planning issues because that's a big part of the caregivers life is final and don't think you have a lot of money to do this because you don't.

You just have to have a desire to have some vision for your life and not be just taking a play defense all the time. You can play offense and you could play office for with with a very little bit but still offense, but I heard something sports will get to that later.

But I heard something this morning John and and and as my custom here. I never prepare you for the show. No, I don't require no desire but I like to bounce things off of you and get your instant reaction. Okay. And in I heard this I was talking to social worker this morning and I asked is it if you had to describe in one sentence or so she started from a forensic investigation forensic interview forensic interviews. Brian light interviews address.

If you had to describe in one sentence or so what does that mean to you. This is woman who went into all types of very very ugly circumstances) and she had to interview some pretty rough situations and she said it's letting the child speak without the scripting of the parent. Okay, that's that. And that's what she said I love that I love to be able to do that to be able to speak to the child and push the parents voices away. Let the child speak in their own voice and what what hit me about that John invite take the principal the concept and she's a course doing an abuse situation so forth. But I feel as caregivers that we need to let our child speak without the scripting of the parent who we are down in our hearts. Yeah, yeah, there's a little bit of that kind of weird in a psychotherapy cut away but but I think that there's a part of just the auction is a little bit of therapy okay so this is not left not Cooper's.

I was a little bit more than others and throw that out to you at the exit caregiver is that something that would be of great benefit to us is to let who we are in our hearts. The child part of us is I think we all carried their wounds.

We care to go back to our childhood and to let that child sit without the voice of adult reasons that you should feel that way will begin to we get into sort of shorthand about an awful lot of things. The habits that we get into.

Often times are developed and and cultivated for good reason. You know when someone when someone starts to ask too much about our situation. We count was often we will deflect for a very good reason. We say oh you know things are fine it's okay to not offer information to every Joe Schmoe that comes up and tries to ask what's going on is another silly, safe, or they haven't earned the right to be in the trusted circle exactly, but those but those habits that we build up can become ill. Just a lot about who we are as a person and allowing again like you are saying the child part of us to get rid of that adult reasoning for a second and and just let things kind of you know not behave in a scripted sort of way. In the same way they were doing a show right now yeah I mean it, but I think that in any event in Scripture speaks to this. You know what would Jesus suffer the little children come to become to as a child, just come to be because the children don't necessarily have all the vocabulary to express what's going on, but they have all the ability to express the emotion of it right what's going on with it and as caregivers. I think that we get into the situations where we are doing our duty and being responsible and being you know this is what this is ours to do and we we we lock it down but do we give ourselves the permission to weep it out. Do we give ourselves the permission to just say you know what this just this just doesn't feel right. This is this is really uncomfortable and if we say that we can we say that without feeling some kind of this over guilt on us right where where we now we do have to pick the right time and place to do some time in your label for life. I see this man I got kicked out one Kroger was the green being man, but you know and those it is difficult to give ourselves permission to do that and often times it doesn't happen outside like therapists office or or or outside. You know a meeting with the pastor or you know whatever happens to be, but it's just that the right tool right job kind of situation and again when I cut a habit yeah yeah and we get to get in the habit of not utilizing these tools because for whatever reason we feel like it makes us look weak or it makes us feel weak.

As a matter how we look, or as a failure. Somehow, and that can be rather offputting that because you know we do have a basis might have a healthy fear of failure. Okay, bites don't know but no one is is without flaw. And no one is completely in control all the time there is that is that that is it. That is a weakness to believe that one is in control. Yeah I is is it really actually is delusional and and and it's it's a pathological if it's at the little deplorable lack of understanding of what's going on around us, but I think that one of things I designed for the show was a place where caregivers could come in and this was a how do you feel and they can come in and they can just say you know how I feel. You know, just you have pierced and I feel like crap.

A field of despair. Whatever you gotta feel. But it's time to have that honest conversation about how you feel about it but in the context in an a in a place where you're not going to be slapped around for Right it's it's it's okay to say man the dog keeps messing up my carpet and I just I just want to kick the dog at one time and don't but I didn't do it by the year of the same. All of this is I'm so frustrated at this dog, why will it like the member of a lot of Facebook groups for caregivers, not just read a lot of the comments and then they break your heart. You don't now he he you know is peeing in the sink again. You know you gotta just put yourself in that person's mentality of St. only got hung out all of the student now is arguably much. I'm not that person is not out of the park. The caregiver save him what you know how much and I had a friend of ours that that that you know her husband would just go to the closet NP you and in the end it later days of Alzheimer's and dementia and she was just like Micah you know and and and she needed a place where she can come and say this is wrong. This is bad I feel you know whatever, but but but you know you don't want to feel guilty but you feel guilty for say something about it. Not on this show not on the shot and it's it's okay to to let that sort of thing out and and it's not going to make you there is there is a level to which where people will sometimes it seems they aspire to be a chronic complainer. And that's not what were talking about were talking about a very real getting it out and mail were forgot about.

Like I wrote an article this week to get some traction and it's called, it is what it is and is recently the president came out and said something about the death of the estimate will, it is what it is and then money. It should be shut. Obama was derisive towards her present her speech of the night and in the other, really built on that but I had to stop for a moment, and I'm not swerving in the politics of just simply say that's that phrase. It is what it is has become a a banner for me. A banner up at a benchmark. A watershed moment if you will, because I had to come that place rest stop trying to wish it was something different, except that it is and then how do I become different in it right and we can always aspire to make the situation better and that's it. It's an aspiration and and being and accepting reality is, is the it will happen. The things that I that I cannot change right and and and I aspire to make the situation better. But I am intent on making me better. No matter if the suggestion changes so oh well, quite well put in and I think that is we look at this with it.

Do we allow that inner child is to speak on it that inner child can accept certain realities differently didn't sometimes pragmatic adult, but let's talk about this when we get back hopefully. Hopefully caregiver.com is Peter Rosenberger 877-655-6755 will be right you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength these visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others@standingwithout.com. I'm Gracie.

I am staining with help caregiver.

I am Peter Rosenberger, who is a family caregiver are you home 877-655-6755 if you will be a part show podcast is free to unsubscribe to it all players, Apple, Google, Amazon, John having more players are out there. There's just so long sure there was a start up in Avondale you know when the time we been talking about it. Would you say that there is a plethora of player you wrote all we did our stretching Three Amigos man don't come in the way I think yes that I have today was just such a great know where out there, but what about a topic that is for me.

It struck me when I stopped in front of him on this morning's social worker and in she trained in forensic interviews and assemble with you what we how would you describe that. She said that's when the child is able speak without the scripting of the parent and I thought okay on the heart level for us as caregivers, can the child of who we are that it in our hearts speak without the scripting of what we feel obligated to say and I think we can. I think this is what I've designed the show to do here for my fellow caregivers and John have been together now for over seven years working on that creating a safe place to throw these things out there so that we as caregivers can recognize that we we we get in that obligation trap that we should we must we could. We have to we need to week we ought to were supposed to. What do we get into those places often enough when we say here's what it is usually an honest assessment of where we are and it doesn't mean that were accepting defeat.

It means were accepting reality. Reality is a tough companion but it's an honest friend man. That's what I never went away and and I'm not just use the political thing is is a metaphor for what happened, but Michelle Obama said the other night. You know, we need to be requiring empathy and unthinkable limit with this one requires of you must feel this way about me you love the really I don't think I don't get that. But I remember when Gracie was in her prostitutes, offices, prostitutes, John and I got excited. She sees that she's now a double amputee, and she had.

That is what it is moment with her process that he certainly as he knocked on his own prosthetic leg felt empathy literally as he understood but he also knew at that point she did need that she needed something greater. She needed to have that acceptance of this is my life now.

It's not going to change my legs will not grow back. And all of a sudden, when you have those kind of moment. So this is what it is moments. It really gives you that starting point to propel yourself to a different level of life. But if you don't have those moments of accepting what reality is. This is the way it is in excess of simple don't mean it is such you got your I'm too I do well. It's a say in the accepting of reality and I don't I don't mean to put this in and kind of a flippant sort of way, but it's if you're if you're you sit down to a game of chess or backgammon or something like that and you start playing by the rules of monopoly. It's not can I get you anywhere you can't hit you get like this is the reality which I find myself my opponents plan chess but I'm playing Monopoly that are not in the same world I'm trying to play that suggest it's just us even doesn't even work out like that and you know the accepting where you find yourself might not be the best metaphor bites, it's a Butler for their area. Going that motherly a what what is what is about before being psychic and I think that if if Gracie what she you know what you say but how can you not accept the fact that you've lost your legs you be surprised when people can't accept you know where you do you be surprised that people cannot accept even with the grasses growing on the grief you'd be surprised what PR can't accept especially somewhat invisible ones like oh you just got diagnosed with diabetes or something like that, you know, that's a reality that needs to be you.

That's it is what it is moment and it's and so sometimes but you don't have to live a miserable life in the context of that but you just have to live an honest life in the context otherwise exactly are never going to move the needle positive and then when you have people that say you know like Bill Clinton, it will feel your pain.

You know will.

So what good does it do me. You don't feel my pain because it's my pain you're doing your and then the second. You're imagining what you and that's fine but but but how does that move the needle for say that where you say you know what I arrived I I respect your pain that that's a different word I I appreciate the magnitude of your pain but but to somehow just try to project this false sense of compassion or empathy or sympathy as opposed to helping people come to grips with the fact that this is painful ivories.

I accept that this is really painful for you and I hate that 40 here's where we are now what never I remember this call we got in one time under this one lady called in the she said she wanted me to use my celebrity powers to help get washing to do something and for stuff that I stopped a bit.

It doesn't the fact that your call. The celebrity is a little bit a large fleet because Beverly McPhee's term celebrity is that I hate but but I said okay let's let's dissect this from say we would all Bernie Sanders on this and were going to give everything away. The whole store nearby to have everything for free.

First off you have to get this is Bagley's Vanessa first off you have to get him elected, and then he has to get take the oath of office and then he has to have a Congress to help pass all these things and then it has to be implemented and trickled out here looking at minimum minimum of a year at that point Michiko right what he going to do what you gotta do today. You get 365 more days minimum before you can even have that possibility.

So what is today look like 40 C. It is what it is today today is reality tomorrow may change some things may open up and I think that's what I would envision for myself and for my fellow caregivers is okay let's deal with where we are right here right now. Let's have that come conversation. Let's let the hope the heart of who we are that what use that word inner child. They because I think that sells so well it sounds little woo woo crying.

She whatever but if you show you how to know the we were well look I'm not aware that were not yet where I Cartwright like you know it infuse your your psyche with some some charged crystals or anything like that: for I just think I just like to have that that kind of that air into the conversation of you. This is the reality for us as caregivers, we we have to have a place we can express these things and look at horrific circumstances and not lose ourselves in. And that's why we built the show. Hopefully caregiver.com and he will be a part of the show 877-655-6755 Brian Pennington's on the bus and financial planning issues don't go away. There's more to come and there's more but they dispute Rosenberg here helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she tried to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out.

And finally she relinquished him and that while this is that I'm not happy legs anymore.

What can God do with that and then she had this vision for use in prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with.com would you take a moment ago understanding without.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God.

You can be a part of that@standingwith.com as a caregiver.

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