"Help Them Cry"

As caregivers, we have so many things that hit us all the time and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves. Who helps you?

What does that look like? I'm Peter Rosenberg and I want to tell you about a program I've been a part of now for almost 10 years and that's Legal Shield. For less than $30 a month, I have access to a full law firm that can handle all kinds of things.

If I get a contract put in front of me, if I got a dispute with something, doesn't matter. I've got a full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with. Power of attorney, medical power of attorney, I will.

Every bit of it. As a caregiver, we need someone who advocates for us and that's why I use Legal Shield. So go to caregiverlegal.com. Look on the left hand side where it says Legal Shield. Just select it.

It turns purple. It says pick a plan. It'll give you some options.

If you don't need any of those, don't select them. Check out and be protected starting today. That's caregiverlegal.com. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberg and this is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans right now are serving as a family caregiver, caring for that aging loved one, child with special needs, somebody with an addiction issue, somebody with trauma, somebody with some type of terrible diagnosis. How are you doing if you're one of those individuals? How are you holding up? What's going on with you? You're why we do the program and so we're glad that you're with us. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. I am doing something very special today.

I've never done this before. In the almost five years I've been on the air with American Family Radio, I've never been in the studios at American Family Radio. I'm here in Tupelo, Mississippi and I'm thrilled to be here and get to see all these people I've been working with now for so many years but I've never met them. And one of those individuals I'm very proud to have today on the program is Jim Stanley. He is, if you have complaints about the show, he's the guy that's responsible for it. He's the one that started this and I kid him about this because he did say this, that he's either going to be considered brilliant or he's going to crash and burn when he signed me onto this and I am, I can't believe we've, it's almost been five years, Jim.

It has and it's amazing to see what God has done during that five years. I mean think about it, this was a conversation over the phone. We had not met each other.

Oh, just today. We just met each other 10 minutes ago. And so it was a phone conversation after phone conversation and then we said okay, let's try it. And so we did and the response was immediate. I think that, I was talking to somebody about this, this is one of the few issues in the Christian world that's affecting the social issues that our country's facing with family caregivers and that is one of the few issues I believe as Christians we get to be on the offensive about.

This is the largest radio program in the world for family caregivers here on American Family. We're going into this situation. We're not reacting to it.

We're not responding to it. We're actually getting out in front of it by speaking life. I just did a whole video event here that'll be out later on with American Family Association about speaking life. Do we speak life to people in distress?

And this was your vision as well as mine. You understand the caregiving world. You've been there. You still are there. Yeah. And are a recipient of some of it.

That's right. And so bring us up to speed of where you are. Well you may not know my father-in-law died a couple of years ago. My mother-in-law lives with us and she's still grieving. Not as severe as when he first died but you know there are things that it comes up sometimes like a tsunami where a thought comes up or a memory comes up or even a photograph comes up and so she's still walking through that and it's taking a toll. She's more aged now and my wife in fact just the other day took her to the doctor because she was shaking and we were afraid she was dehydrated and and other things going on and so they wound up in the emergency room and they did give her a couple of IVs and then they you know they let her go home but it's one of those things that grief is very real and if you have someone in your care group or in your family circle or even friend circle check on them.

Make sure they're okay because you don't know what kind of day they're having and they can always use encouragement and you know if you encourage someone you sometimes wind up encouraging yourself. I think that's what happens with me. The more I say the things that we talk about on this program the stronger I get because I'm reminding myself I have caregiver amnesia and I have gospel amnesia so I have to remind myself of these things on a regular basis. As you talk about grief we're all going to grief. We're all going to mourn. Jesus said blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. The problem is it seems as our society we're doing everything we can to not mourn. We want to medicate that mourning by sometimes with real medication sometimes with other things but when you're despairing or when you're raging you're not mourning and so therefore the comfort won't be there and sometimes we cry with those who cry we grieve with those who grieve as scripture says and this has been your journey with your mother-in-law recognizing that this is part of it. She has to mourn but she's not required to despair.

No and that's true but unfortunately in America we want to put a time limit on everything. You know I can remember reading and seeing through different historical shows that at one time there was a period of a year's grieving you know where the widow or the widower they wore black for the whole year then I think some of that did lead to despair because they weren't encouraged to have any fun but it's one of those things that you want to hit that balance and understanding that life goes on but also you still have to be willing to hear that person. Larnell Harris gave me some of the best advice that I've ever gotten and we were talking about people in pain and what to do and you know he talks about all the platitudes that are used at funerals and used in helping each other get through things and he said if you really want to help them just help them cry you know allow them that freedom and don't try and shut them down don't try and move on to the next topic because if this person is grieving and you see that and like you said everyone's going to grieve we don't want to be reminded of that we want to move on to a safe place we want to move on to a happy place and so by doing so we forget and leave those people behind because we have microwaves and everything can be done within a half hour. I've seen this over and over and over with people that they are in a hurry to button it up because it is uncomfortable but scripture is not uncomfortable with our discomfort and one of my favorite things as a pianist to do is favor is the wrong word but one of the most meaningful things I do as a pianist is play at funerals because that's a time where the family is is reconciling with this reality of death and what I will do is often just play hymns in such a way that it just kind of settles them down and Martin Luther used to say where words fail music speaks and it's uh no Hounds Christian Anderson said that Martin Luther talked about the music nothing exalts the soul more than uh music does except for scripture and and so these great hymns that people want to hear at their funerals they don't want to hear you know the pep rally hymns right they but but I will always and it started with my uncle my mother's brother the first funeral I did I played for like this this is back in the early 80s I played victory in Jesus but I slow it down yeah and I spend a lot of time on each syllable of victory in Jesus and I put chords in it that used to could get you thrown out of some churches but right but my piano professor liked them but I would play this I heard an old old story about a savior come from glory because I want people to remember that text because those things are spine stiffening and soul enriching we're going to go you know our savior is a man acquainted with sorrows and grief and and so we have a savior that understands this how are you feeling right now you've had a hard year you know I have been on the program with you when you've put that question to other people and unfortunately you don't accept lip service and so now I feel like a butterfly that's just been pinned to the wall you know some days and and I don't mean this as a cliche even though it's going to sound like it some days are better than others some days you're just tired and you want to give up and I'm not talking about on my mother-in-law or in that situation I'm talking about the burdens of life that coincide with any with any type of care given even to your wife or to your spouse sometimes it's I just get tired and because of that it's easy to see that why it takes such a toll on a single individual who who may also be tired I I get that and and weary but and we're going to come back to that in the next segment because I want to pause on this moment Jesus said come unto me all you who weary and heavy laden and what does that mean to us for those who are weary and heavy laden and you are I am and so many in this audience are but we have a savior that recognizes that and that's why we are having hope in this that's what hope looks like is recognizing that there's something more going on this is Peter Rosenberger this is hope for the caregiver hopeforthecaregiver.com I'm here in the American Family Radio Studios with Jim Stanley and producer Pat who is just she keeps us on the straight and narrow so this is a treat for me to meet all these wonderful folks we'll be right back this is Peter Rosenberg and I hope you're enjoying this podcast if you are would you consider helping us do more of it and do it better by going out to standingwithhope.com slash giving standingwithhope.com slash giving thanks so much welcome back to hope for the caregiver here on American Family Radio this is Peter Rosenberger this is the program for you as a family caregiver and he does know the plans he has for you here I'm here in the studios at American Family Radio in Tupelo Mississippi for the first time getting to meet all these wonderful folks that I've engaged with now for for years they don't come out to Montana very much but they're wanting to have a big American Family Radio retreat out of Montana most of them that are hunters want to come out there want to have a safari I'm a little concerned that there'll be a militia coming up from Mississippi to Montana but I love that song that Gracie sings he knows the plans he has for you and I just did a video thing here that'll be out later on in the year and I talked about God's provision and suffering and that there is his peace his provision his provision is his peace purpose and his presence and Jim as we went to the break I'm here with Jim Stanley who was the the first person to to bring me on here and and he has finally worked himself out of the doghouse for doing so but it got me good gracious with all the higher-ups here no he's been a great mentor and a friend through this but as you hear those words of God's provision in suffering his peace his purpose his presence what does that do to you knowing the kind of couple of years you've had yeah and they've not been easy years well you know when you walk through that and you are at the point where your spouse becomes a caregiver to you you know to yourself then it it's a matter of pride you know I know that wasn't one of the peas that you had but it's it's one of the peas addressed by that that's right you have to get out of your own way sometimes and so knowing that you don't walk alone and I mean this for someone who may be in that position that is a single caregiver you know they're the only one there they're the only one doing the work the rest of the family may have decided not to and so you're the you're the one that's there it is the fact that you as a believer you understand you never walk alone you know but at the same time I know there are people who listen to this program who don't know Jesus but are encouraged by the fact that just knowing other people are out there walking through the same thing I don't know how they do it I don't know where that inner strength comes from if they don't have the presence of the Lord because without that presence you seldom find his purpose. My sister said this the other day I'm going to embarrass her but she said I don't I don't again I don't know how people do this without the Lord she said there aren't enough drugs in this world to deal with the crazy you know I mean there's I don't know how people do it and and I I hear what you're saying and and one of the things that Milton said the first thing that God said that was not good this is before the fall that man was alone and we were never meant to do this alone we were never meant to live life alone the trinity is not alone and I think this is the the astounding part of the plan of redemption is that Christ ripped himself from the trinity and was truly alone went to hell on our behalf and God has borne all that so that we don't have to as caregivers this is where we are so we isolate ourselves yeah that's what you're talking about when you talk about the moment of aloneness think of the cross when Christ cried out you know father why have you forsaken me but he knew the rest of the story even though he was truly improperly man he never stopped being truly and properly God he knew what was going to happen because of his sacrifice and I think that's one of the reasons he wept so bitterly in the garden if you will is because he knew there might be people who would reject him and we can't do that as caregivers we have to have something inside that gives us hope or we can't give that hope I mean look at how long you've done this with Gracie okay that hope has to come from somewhere and now the two of you support each other you know you you encourage each other because you don't listen to her sing and not hear the joy that she has for her Jesus oh when I hear her sing and I tell her this all the time Gracie's body is so broken she's just an orthopedic train wreck but when she sings she ain't broken she's not broken and I've listened to that voice for a lifetime she had me it you know don't rape me you know she and and I've listened that for a lot and as she's gotten older even though she's had the the paints of life and the surgeries and all that stuff the the quality of what she sings the conviction that she brings to it and I was watching she and um Johnny Erickson taught up the other day they were facetiming and Johnny they was singing to Gracie and just the two of them singing to each other building up one another saying this is how we're going to get through this knowing that this valley of the shadow of death is a very long valley of time but he's assured us of his presence through it amen and that's his provision through it is his presence and we keep thinking God bailed me out of this get me out of this get me out of this and and we hear these all too many pulpits saying you know victory blessing and breakthrough but we don't hear them saying endurance fortitude perseverance that's where the victory is and James talks about that in the book of James with that crown of life for those who persevere there's something different that's not just life eternal which is extended to all of us through Christ there's something different about that some type of I don't know what that means a crowd of life I remember Gracie got some crowns on her teeth a while back and we were coming home from the dentist and she was kind of licking her teeth and saying you know feeling how it felt and she said do you have crowns she looked at me and she do you have crowns I said not in this life baby but I'm assured I'm getting it with the next she didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did but right and she reached over and slapped me on the head you know the the crown of life works hand in hand with the tree of life and we know that that tree was Christ and he continues to to do that and so the crown of life is that of eternity and so what we see here what we walk through here is but a little while in fact it's interesting the word vapor comes to mind because Burke came by my office earlier and his son is a in the ministry called vapor and they're going he and his grandson are going to not burt but the son and the the grandson are going to Kenya here in just a little while and so the ministry is named vapor our life is but a vapor but if we have endured if we have overcome through Christ if we have relied on his presence so that we might persevere persevere sorry well we're pressing we're pressing in and persevere that's a press of here that's a new word there you go Jim Stanley made it up right there y'all right here on hope for the care here and so when when we see that we look forward to that time when he wipes away that final tear and we enter into eternity that never said let me be clear about this the scriptures never says there's not any crying in heaven but the promise is that the father himself will wipe away the tears from our eyes and we will be in fellowship with him forever I was reading in this we'll have an altar call in a minute I was reading in this about it it just dawned on me all the riches in Christ are ours we're joint heirs it was astonishing to to to just consider that for a moment everything that is here that is his will be ours when we're with him we were created a little lower than the angels but in glory we are elevated to joint heirs we're sons of God right and it was astonishing to even think about that and I I know that sometimes when we're dealing with the drudgery of this in our life it's it's it's almost like Pollyanna to think about it but if we can just hold on to this thought a very good friend of mine told me this we live in the moment but we have the perspective of eternity which gives meaning to the moment and if we could just hang on to that thought in these worst of times knowing that he who began a good work is faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus now that's I've heard a lot of preachers talk about that I haven't heard a lot of people took care of a wife suffering for 40 years talk about it right and so there is a difference of context and this is what has sustained me this is why I play a lot of the old hymns that I do this is what has stiffened my spine when you struggle with these things that you're struggling with right now Jim which are very real what do you hang on to what verse what hymn what what what what grabs you and stiffens your spine again I have been pinned to the to the court board Pat you can jump in and rescue him if you need to I think that as far as music you know I go back there are a lot of great praise and worship songs out right now I want to be clear about that there's some beautiful music that's out there but I tend to go back to it as well sorrows like sea billows roll whatever my lord ever my lord knowing what that man had walked through to have pinned that song and to have given God glory through it all you know that's that's one of those things that we have to rely on a couple of friends of mine in the industry and I'm privileged to call them friends Keith and Kristen Getty they did a remake of it as well and oh my goodness the video with that you know you see the sea billows roll you see the different things and then the promise they're they're up on a cliff overlooking some of the ocean and you see the promise that there is a foundational stone and it is well there and so for me that's one of the songs that I cling to in spite of everything else it's not up to Jim Stanley Jim Stanley can do what he can and can't do and that's his limitations but with the creator there are no limitations now I want to say this too I'm sorry I know you're ready no no no let's go ahead um I want to say this too you're my boss Jim yeah that doesn't mean that Christ promised it would be easy in fact he promised the opposite that's right he said it would be it would be hard in this world you will have tribulation you will have trouble but be of good cheer for I Jesus have overcome the world and I don't I again I it's not super spiritual not spooky spiritual it's in the book here's what it says that's right and if you have a problem with that take it up with Jesus he's the one that said it well and this is why I take this show the way I take it is because I I want to say these things to hopefully give some bedrock point people to bedrock here's here's what solid ground looks like as we do these things knowing that we are going to weep we are going to be struggling with these things and and I know this Gracie certainly knows it but the purpose of this is not to take away those things and make you feel better the purpose of all this is for us to be better and healthier not trying to be happy happy happy all the time to be healthy healthy spiritually emotionally physically financially professionally all of the above this is peter rosenberger this is hope for the caregiver we're talking with jim stanley who is responsible for me being on the air and hopefully at american family radio with this program hopefully caregiver and I'm very grateful for him don't go away we got more to go we'll be right back you've heard me talk about standing with hope over the years this is the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie envisioned after losing both of her legs part of that outreach is our prosthetic limb recycling program did you know that prosthetic limbs can be recycled no kidding there is a correctional facility in arizona that helps us recycle prosthetic limbs and this facility is run by a group out of nashville called core civic and we met them over 11 years ago and they stepped in to help us with this recycling program of taking prostheses and you disassemble them you take the knee the foot the pylon the tube clamps the adapters the screws the liners the prosthetic socks all these things we can reuse and inmates help us do it before core civic came along i was sitting on the floor at our house or out in the garage and when we lived in nashville and i had tools everywhere limbs everywhere and feet boxes of so forth and i was doing all this myself and i'd make the kids help me and it got to be too much for me and so i was very grateful that core civic stepped up said look we are always looking for faith-based programs that are interesting and that give inmates a sense of satisfaction and we'd love to be a part of this and that's what they're doing and you can see more about that at standingwithhope.com recycle so please help us get the word out that we do recycle prosthetic limbs we do arms as well but the majority of amputations are lower limb and that's where the focus of standing with hope is that's where gracie's life is with her lower limb prostheses and she's used some of her own limbs in this outreach that she's recycled i mean she's been an amputee for over 30 years so you go through a lot of legs and parts and other types of materials and you can reuse prosthetic socks and liners if they're in good shape all of this helps give the gift that keeps on walking and it goes to this prison in arizona where it's such an extraordinary ministry think with that inmates volunteering for this they want to do it and they've had amazing times with it and i've had very moving conversation with the inmates that work in this program and you can see again all of that at standingwithhope.com recycle they're putting together a big shipment right now for us to ship over we do this pretty regularly throughout the year as inventory rises and they need it badly in gana so please go out to standingwithhope.com recycle and get the word out and help us do more if you want to offset some of the shipping you can always go to the giving page and be a part of what we're doing there we're purchasing material in gana that they have to use that can't be recycled we're shipping over stuff that can be and we're doing all of this to lift others up and to point them to christ and that's the whole purpose of everything that we do and that is why gracie and i continue to be standing with hope standingwithhope.com