The3 P's For Doctor Appointments

As a caregiver, you're going to deal with a lot of different doctors.

That's just the way it works. You're already dealing with somebody who is sick, who has a lot of medical challenges or disability or whatever. You're going to deal with doctors. In my case, we're well over 60.

I just stopped counting at 60. And when I first started out on this journey 30 years ago, I thought doctors were close to God. And some of them reinforced that belief. But you know what? They're just people.

They're just people trying to do a good job, take care of folks. Here's some things that you can do to avoid some landmines and getting in some problems. And I learned that some of these, well, everything I learned, I learned the hard way. But you don't have to. So here are the three P's of dealing with a doctor.

Okay? Number one, be polite. Just be polite.

You don't have to go in there armed to the teeth and ready to do battle. Just be polite. Be kind, but don't be subservient. Remember, as a caregiver, you have great authority.

You know that loved one better than anyone else. You're going to see the warning signs, and it's okay for you to raise your hand and say, you know what? Something doesn't feel right here. Now, you may not be able to put the science to it that a physician could, but you still understand that something's not right. Use that authority and use it well, but be polite with it. Sometimes they're going to try to put you in your place a little bit because they're busy or whatever, and things just happen. Don't take it personally. But understand, you can push back a little bit. I remember one time a doc was giving me a little bit of attitude with my wife, and I said, Doc, with all due respect, I was taking care of her when you were in junior high school, so let's keep this thing in perspective here.

And to his credit, he kind of backed up. And that's okay to do that. Now, you may feel real timid doing that.

It takes a little bit of practice. You don't have to be rude, but you can be firm and just say, this is what I feel about it. Be prepared. That's the next P. So be polite. Be prepared. Be prepared. Don't show up there and just think, well, we'll just figure out what's going to happen when we get there.

No, no. Write down some things that you want to accomplish at that particular meeting. It's a professional meeting, too. Show up dressed for it. You know, I'm sorry, I don't make the rules, but if you're wearing a Van Halen T-shirt and Daisy Dukes, they're going to treat you like you're wearing a Van Halen T-shirt and Daisy Dukes.

So if you don't know what that is, Google it. So go dress appropriately. You know, you don't have to put on a three-piece suit and a pocket watch, or you don't have to put on an evening gown, but do dress appropriately for a business meeting. And write down the things that you want to get out of that meeting. And don't leave until you do.

Don't go in there with a library of stuff. Just three big sets of things that you want to accomplish. You want to come out of there with at least an action step. Try not to leave that doctor's office with a lot of vague, well, we'll just try this out for a while and see. No. What's the next action step?

Always want to do that. And the last thing, the last P, pharmaceuticals. Stay out of the pharmaceutical conversation.

Why is that? Well, we're pretty articulate. We're pretty good at managing a lot of things as caregivers, but it's really important for our loved one to interact with the physician so they can see the nonverbal things going on with the drugs that they happen to be on. You don't want to get in the way of that.

Yeah, we may be impatient. It may frustrate us when they're stuttering and stammering or they're rabbit-trailing everywhere. That's going to happen. But that's part of the diagnostic process as well. So if you get in the way and you start trying to manage that situation, guess what? You're robbing your loved one of being treated properly by their physician. Stay out of that conversation.

If they're having a problem with too much pain medication, too many narcotics, guess what? You need to stay out of that. You need to let that take its course. You can raise your hand and ask questions about it, but be very, very careful when it comes to dealing with pharmaceuticals. That's an issue that is best left to professionals. And we can get real familiar with these things and think we know what we're talking about, but we don't have the training. We don't know the science. It's best to leave that to professionals.

So be polite. Be prepared. Stay out of the pharmaceuticals. That's going to make your journey as a caregiver, going to all these doctor visits, a lot easier, a lot smoother. It's going to keep you a lot calmer and calmer caregivers, I have found, make better caregivers.