Quieten The Room

What do you say to a caregiver?

How do you help a caregiver? I was talking to this billing agent at the doctor's office and said, how are you feeling? And she said, oh great It's Friday. And before I could catch myself, I said Friday means nothing to me. Every day is Monday. And I felt kind of ashamed of that and I'm sorry for that, but I realized that whole principle of every day is Monday. What that means for us as caregivers, we know that this is going to be a challenging day. And I wrote these one-minute chapters.

You literally could read them in one minute. And I'm really proud of this book. It's called A Minute for Caregivers, when every day feels like Monday. It's filled with bedrock principles that we as caregivers can lean on, that we can depend upon to get us to safety, where we can catch our breath, take a knee if we have to, and reorient our thinking and the weight that we carry on our shoulders. If you don't know what to say to a caregiver, don't worry about it.

I do. Give them this book. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is A Minute for Caregivers. The title of this chapter from my new book, A Minute for Caregivers, is called Quiet in the Room. And I wrote this in the emergency room. Now, I know that sounds bad, but let me explain.

We live in a rural area, and we have to go to the emergency room a lot for certain infusions and things like that that Gracie has to do for a lot of things. It wasn't a, you know, emergency room visit where there's a lot of screaming and all that kind of stuff going on. So I wanted to preface that. But there was a lot of beeping and a lot of noise going on in the room. And I thought, you know, sometimes you have to quiet the room even if the room is not quiet, if you know what I mean. And I had my laptop with me. I knew we'd be down there for some time. And so I chose to write.

I used that little tray they bring meals on and so forth. And I chose to write about quieting the room in a very loud, busy, beeping room. But that's the nature of our life.

I mean, Gracie and I, if I stopped working every time she had a doctor's visit, well, I mean, you think about that. So this is Chapter 17 from A Minute for Caregivers when every day feels like Monday. And by the way, this will take a little bit longer than a minute today. But if you'll indulge me, not much longer.

Chapter 17, Quieten the Room. We've done everything possible to save this leg. All that's left is amputation.

When you're ready, we'll have that conversation. Those are the words that came from Gracie's surgeon following numerous operations to save her right leg that was crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Most of what she deals with today is because of all the effort that went in to save those legs. Everyone in Gracie's life, including me, had an opinion about this. And Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time.

At 25 with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart. Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, Gracie, this room is off limits to every other voice telling you what to do.

My job is to help quiet the noise so you can hear your heart and God's leading. Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Bob sat at his desk. No words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, I am terrified of doing this, she whispered. Gaining strength, she continued, but I can't live like this any longer.

It's got to come off. Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he'd be with her throughout the ordeal, and he kept his word. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done, but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache while assured they're not alone. And I love this hymn from Katharina von Schlegel. You probably know this hymn very well. Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to your God to order and provide. In every change he faithful will remain. Be still my soul. Your best, your heavenly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide. In every change he faithful will remain. Be still my soul. Thy best, thy heavenly friend. Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. Be still my soul. Thy Jesus can repay from his own fullness all he takes. This is Peter Rosenberger and Gracie Rosenberger. From my book A Minute for Caregivers When Every Day Feels Like Monday, there's more at HopeForTheCaregiver.com.