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Caregivers and Self Esteem

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
September 28, 2020 3:22 pm

Caregivers and Self Esteem

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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September 28, 2020 3:22 pm

EVERY caregiver will at some point fall into the trap of beating themselves up without mercy.  If an impaired love one joins that chorus (not to mention family members), then how does a caregiver endure with ANY healthy self esteem?

We discussed this in today's episode.

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Christmas gift why not the one she can even have a couple of chicken maybe it's not the perfect gift for your family, but it gives the perfect gift for poor family ninja chicken can break the cycle of poverty for poor family yes chicken chicken thanks provide nourishment for family and they can sell mosaics at the market for income when you donate a chicken or any other gospel for Asia. 100% of what you give goes to the field and get the ball went gospel fundraiser to support family and Jesus family this Christmas, give them six explanation see chickens and camping Larry the cable Guy and 1/2 for the caregiver. Narrow your hope. This is one show for you as a family caregiver are you doing how you hold 877-655-6755 eight 776-5567. He will be part of the show. As always, I enjoyed by himself to count money disco John Butler everyone John. Oh I'm just so well for my limited abilities. I was speaking of which, that I wanted to jump into something we we had we had a I thought a very powerful back-and-forth conversation going on last week that I hated to Ian, you did to because you like 30 minutes more with the methods here. You want to depart from that too much. I want to jump right in that with the audience. They about what you watch on Facebook livelier glad to have you with this and that we we we film the way film film we we do show Trish Lester you do we stream the show on on Facebook live through our webpages that stay with hope, and hope the caregiver in our our group. Hopefully caregiver group that we have and that we podcast the show out published podcast, usually on Tuesdays, so this is that we do we do this on Sunday afternoon we would liven folks welcome to call in watching the show live instant streaming at 877-655-6755 and then we broadcast the show laugh every Saturday morning on American family radio. The Truth Network his radio and other stations as well, but 200 stations just for those who just enjoying this scene is for the first time John and I have been together on the show for it. Since Billy's inception. Now in her eighth year together and we have been into remoulade ideas went on the show in traditional broadcasting that we went to this podcast to be able to open up some ideas and expanded so forth, and that some of the things we talk about this just a little bit a housekeeper to slowly get into that. You could almost see hope for the hi John self-esteem later. Oh South Lafayette self-esteem and and this is an issue that that many many many caregivers struggle. I think this part of the human condition. Of course the cell phone about this a lot. Caregivers just deal with the human condition writ large white on a magnified level gases and often relentlessly you just it just keeps you know I still have a baby when I say self-esteem to you. What does that say to you John, but it would slip drives agreement what was so visible to hold one to hold one heisting is that I really like the English language in the phrase self-esteem just makes sense to me to to young to be to have a decent opinion of oneself and not and I know I grew up in the 80s and 90s right there, but I don't just clinches the six don't you. I will never know if it was just it was a bit of a spare mental time.

As far as we all are. As far as child raising and what went on in schools and things like that and we were. It was drilled into us that self-esteem was an important part of who we were. And sometimes people went overboard with it where you owe the child can do no wrong or feel good about yourself even if you even if you mess up, and you do but like people didn't take out the right way so I the complicated relationship with with the phrase self-esteem, but in in the way that it's meant I really like it that you have to you have to devalue yourself. I think this is this is what I want to land you take on this nice little meander through the park and then you let it, exactly, were allegedly injured, but we will coordinate that there's no nation here at all. Even though John would play piano with a strategy that we had John that John and I have.

We did show for it this week. All of two minutes and the reason there is the exit. There is a designed and I will give I will give some shade is at the right word now is that the is that the prophet RJ from shade.

We believe it is shade good or say bad trades bad okay I will give some light. No, I meant when I first started doing the show and when W LAC back in Nashville hardly welded. Harvey actually hired the health of the ship but but they they vetted me and and part of that is would you go on terrestrial radio station of that magnitude of that size you live in a vet that I can just put write anything other than the standard for low, but they weren't that low check. Clear have to really know they said all we ask is that you never script the show and I identify didn't I defaulted that because I never script anything that you guys because I don't I don't like to do that when I give a speech somewhere. I have prepared notes, you know that I have like it like an outline or I'll hit it.

Sometimes Atlantis scribbled on a piece of paper and you know who you know where I first saw that Richard Pryor which over a set list that was scribbled on like a napkin. It was like one of his more famous set list and I thought if he is in his bits were rehearsed and he headlines that you jokes that he would do but just okay with the order. You missed this set of jokes. This set ejects the set of jokes. Here's a rough outline of everything and that's a lot of it.

I just thought that was kind of interesting. The way his mind worked in it to me. I just had a with that with other some people that don't like that John that we do. Some people are truly want everything organized and rehearsed right and that's okay but you have to be really good at it for four radio style things better work great, especially for like a podcast like with this become. You can't really you know it's it's not it's not Orson Welles for the world's that's a different type like this is not a serial broadcast yet but we are. We try to John and I both of us like jazz and in an improvisational type music and so what you do is you you perfect your instrument to the best ability really work on it within part of perfecting is sitting there with other people and continuing to do music together and see if it works it blends and from day one. John and I have blended and it's been a wonderful thing and I and I've come to treasure his insights. The thing so when we get into these issues of the human condition. I had a it's like being with a keyboard player B was a great bass player, and it just yeah okay and that it gives us that that I did to plumb this a little bit more and and that's what brings us this topic today so we we have kicked around some these things over there eight years, but I find that we keep circling back to the same. Some of the same issues but going deeper and and and so self-esteem I have come to understand, for many, many caregivers is a is a difficult place is a difficult challenge and and some people immediately balk at it in the direction you thought what everybody gets a trophy, self-esteem exactly added outside.

It is recognizing the inherent and intrinsic value of something or someone in affirming that value and that that weather.they make a mistake or there are any kind of flaws that it do not detract from the value of the individual but but but but at the same time don't need to be glossed over the right at what their their separate things.

The value that that you hold for for yourself is that's independent of a lot of stuff.

It's not. It's not about just getting a trophy no matter what.

It's it is. It's I you know I've changed a lot away. I've II talk about things because the sharks we been doing for about eight years but the idea of grace is very similar well and I married a woman named Grace because I need to understand the concept of it and I'm still working on it so right right here.

Here's the context of what we're dealing with is caregivers.

I'm hoping the scenario the John and that I want you to riff on that you seek Idaho by Mary Elizabeth are here to hear your solo time undermine the caregiver is doing the best they can to care for someone but that individual is belittling them or devaluing them verbally abusing them verbally or doing things that are Constantly assaults back on the, the identity of the self-worth of that individual of the caregiver. So how does the caregiver maintain a level of confidence in their own value with someone they hold dear or that looms large in their life is able to absolutely jab it that constantly. Yeah, that's the big question is how do you maintain that in the face of relentless assault and and and I'll give you a given example I've had many calls to the show about someone taking care of an abusive parent and they were struggling with on two levels. One of the parent was abusive that that the one guy think of, in particular that called in and his father was an alcoholic.

He was alcoholic his entire life that and and then his father abandoned the family let the family whatever, but he tried the try to somehow have some kind of relationship and then the father had a life event fall or something that required him to receive a lot of care with alcoholism was still continuing and so the abusive behavior of verbal abusive behavior in the in the shaming and all that kind of stuff from his father as an alcoholic and he edit it in the afternoon and never get the guy he said I'm 52 years old.

I have a wife and three kids and every time I'm around this benefit, like a nine-year-old boy. Okay, that was the conversation I'm having with this get admitted into that he brings in the. The part of his faith that says how do I honor my father is Scripture to ask me to do and commands me to do for the commandments out of our father mother that thy days may be long in the land which the Lord thy God gives us annexes and he's like how I reconcile this and this is the starting point where I had this conversation with the sky but I've had this with many other people along the way many other people. This is it's almost like John itsy it with you when you sign up to become a caregiver. They give you T-shirt. This is a caregiver. Get your baseball caps is on the caregiver and oh by the way, here's your self-esteem issues card that you would have to carry around with the right right you some free time to get free family it's like that's almost like part of the job and what I was able to do the first thing I told him was here's the deal, honoring your father and mother that Scripture is important. I believe it is absolutely intrinsic to our life as human beings. It is, I believe it is it is not only important for Stu.

It is a commandment from God himself to do it and I do not see that that automatically means that we have to honor alcoholism doesn't mean we have people like him though we do not. Not alcoholics. Alcoholism owner know, I know you have something to hide things are here, but it's bit or do we have to honor Alzheimer's or any other type of impairment because often times we as caregivers are caring for a loved one, but in reality were not embracing the Loveland wind bracing there in parent edits there impairment that is speaking those things out to us that is affecting that self-esteem. A healthy, normal human being healthy, normal he would be not healthy necessary physically but healthy emotionally and spiritually.

The writing that is receiving care would not be abusive right they would do would be a graciousness back and like you said grace there would be that extension of of gratitude and grace and back and forth, back and forth, that would be mutually affirming to each other and edifying teacher. When you deliver somebody who's impaired. That's not the case and you're getting your extending grace and is in fact getting back to getting toxic toxicity and obesity have Nancy which goes to the core of who you are as an individual and if you do it long enough adjuster to believe Gloria and this is what were to talk about today and John and I got it tackle this little bit more and I want you to just hang tough with us. Okay, this is the silver caregivers is for you. Open 877-655-6755 will be right. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I question why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with to learn more and participate in lifting I'm Gracie. I am staining with help like a hope in the caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's you as a family caregiver that is gracing rejoice, I will lift up my voice.

I love that with you think that there such a a resolute determination.

I asked eyes Gracie that is and how would you describe yourself and she said I'm determined that yes you are, and the name of that CD is resilient and you can get a copy that hope the hope for Do yourself a favor, get that that what what will city you can support what were doing 501(c)(3) growth or just click on the donate button with ever is on your mind will send you copy that CD and I think you'll like it. I love listening to it for me and and I get to hear her sing it live with me, so that's always fun to so 877-655-6755 or talk about self-esteem and the family caregiver so as we left left you on a cliffhanger. Here it so what happens is so many caregivers are dealing with people who are suffering from some level of impairment.

Okay some level of impairment if that impairment affects who they are emotionally and spiritually, you know, as it is in their in their court who they are as a person, to the point where they can't function appropriately in that regards. Caregivers in real danger of believing the distortion that comes out of their mouth and you see this a lot with family members of of Sun Valley patients all throughout the day.

They seem to be okay. Oh, but then Winston Downing hits it it it it into the day they turn into a different person and they will say that out. I went to this with a friend of mine thinking here of her husband and they been married 60 years and he just became a different person in the him to and she was crushed her spirit. You can just see she was just crushed by this and and I pulled her aside and I said look it in these particular people happen to be very well off financially in this ghost this again proves my point that you can give a bag of cash to caregivers in the knuckle know what to do with sometimes only because our brains become squirrel cages and more state-of-the-art your braille you edit in here was a lady who knew all these things, but becomes this, she became so disoriented by all that that was going on. She felt guilty. She felt like she was obligated to do this to take care of such a facet. You got the money spend the money and get 24 seven care and do not get around him that this part of the evening just to back away and I are sure to her credit, she did.

That's excellent, excellent. And that's that that that's one of easy thing to do you know if you've got if you got the money man in order or other other resources. But if you don't have, and I think that you get a yeah that's what were doing the show were good because I don't have it debugging to give you some tools here to be able to deal with that and hopefully some perspective exactly and and will and were trying to figure out how to know how to how you maintain that self-esteem and that's up. That's a practical piece of advice you just don't be around them. During that time. If it hurt you in whatever whatever your particular situation happens to be because really the larger issue is you valuing yourself and not falling victim to the lies that somebody else's brain is telling them or somebody else's somebody else's diseases tell them correctly. Yes, it alcohol or drugs are telling you in Vino veritas.

You know what that means now in line there is truth night, but in but in booze not so much. You know that that will go to a point where where maybe a glass of wine or support that may loosen the tongue and say what the person really feels correct. But when you have set with in alcoholism.

No that I have yellow dog it's it's it's a real impairment that it's it's a disease and the sky goes back to the individual. Your time earlier.

The dominance in his father, who he ended up caring for after a period of estrangement, even you know how you honor your father and mother fulfill your obligation well since knocking to be fun. I'll tell you about, but it's also now it if you're if you're honoring them then getting them help in getting them out of this alcoholism is probably close the top your list and if that's not possible.

Am in you because you can't yet accumulate somebody out that's correct you, that it may not be possible, but you still gotta survive in this and in you know it, here's a here's a here's a phrasing they would hang on today may not make it that you have to. They may not make it, but you have to because if you go down then what happens. And so, and if you go down emotionally if it goes. If it takes you down a dark place.

When I set out to do this show. I purposed in my heart that I was going to do everything that I could to build up the family caregiver yelled with whatever timeframe I had in the show at the end of that show.

I wanted to make sure that my fellow caregivers were in a better place than they were when I found and I and that does not. That is not a one and done type of journey. Okay that is a that is a constant repetition of this is what we gotta do and and this is the way we said we push back against this so that were not taken down into the depths of the state because it will take you down and you start believing it and and these are these are horrific things to believe, so you don't have to go out there and listen to a bunch of cheesy self-help stuff like out you deliver Stuart Smalley from centerline five started a dog got a blank on no doubt that that's not how this works but you do have to listen to clear thinking from someplace and then denying Sharon squirrel cage up ahead yeah now don't don't believe everything you think this debt that will take you into some bad places because like I can't do that with myself. I cannot believe everything I think I am too cognizant of too many of my faults are not cognizant enough of all of the but I am much.

I am on. That's a bit so that the thing that can damage her self-esteem and disprove likely going with this because if you as caregivers. It's very easy to notice the times that we fail and and notice that our faults and and really put primacy on them in a way that were trying to fix it were trying to fix this up ourselves so we think about these flaws and awful lot and I can be damaging to how you value yourself and listening to a voice outside of that can be incredibly valuable. It it it is infected. So I would see even more the incredible value able political hidden say that is imperative that week. We cannot simply rely on our best thinking my best thinking got me into a lot of messes and and so you know same, so we can't rely on that so we have to rely on credible sources to speak in the day and I've got one particular starting off point that we want to do on that topic will become back from the brink.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver 877-655-6755 will be part of the show will pay the speed. Rosenberger never helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization.

Standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out.

And finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is that I'm not heavy legs anymore.

What can God do with that and then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that were doing over there. You could designate a limb.

There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with would you take a moment to go up to standing with and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God.

You could be a part of as a caregiver. Think about all the legal documents you need power of attorney will, living wills, and so many more then think about such things as disputes about medical bills. What if instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help. You paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life while we are taking legal representation and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full-service coverage.

Finally, you can live life know you have a lawyer in your back pocket who at the same time is an empty it's called legal shield and its practical, affordable, and must for the family caregiver visit caregiver that's caregiver Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you on independent associate like out for the caregiver 877-5560 758-776-5567 55 this is Peter Rosenberger and this is the show for you as a family caregiver for caregivers. It's it's about caregivers is hosted by caregiver and we speak fluent caregiver here and I'm always with himself, John Butler, the count of mighty disco.

We talk about self-esteem self-esteem and as we did is we launch this part of the. The show here wanted to teased with the particular concept that came to me some years ago.

This is actually before I even wrote the book hope for the cure, which is available but we wherever books are sold. John is now filling on the USA. Gotta get the plug-in man without however wherever books are sold to could have a copy of that book how we do it volume is now without having to drop shipping them, but it's little it wouldn't when somebody approached me about writing a book for the family cared. I they, they, they, the publisher was talking about all these little and they were nice quotes John everything with the work in the concept what they had.

It was like this. Would you would you work with us on this project and they'd Artie had some things and played I looked it up and I said not like this, no again and I threw out pretty much everything they had. Except, you know, the, the, the cover art to print anything that was changed so that I said no because they were writing these little trite sayings and that you can get off of any T-shirt or meme on the Internet.

I was Cmdr. fortune cookie yeah it really was and it was it was a hallmark card with the caregiver twist.

You know that a thing and I thought know about nice but not really that it it it's it's generic and with caregivers. I think we need to be very, very specific and and I the eye. I landed on several particular axioms of that there were just un-unrepeatable truth and refutable truce of caregiving of caregivers and I really try to stay away from caregiving because I can't tell you.

Take care your level anymore. You take take your mind and we have some basic tools that we can use that in dealing with Dr. Rice of fourth insurance companies and all that but it's intact your house or whatever.

Yeah, all of this is going to be done on up on a heart level with the caregiver and help them be able to breathe a little easier. In one of those irrefutable truth of caregivers is that caregivers are brutal upon themselves when it comes to their job performance. We see every flaw we push ourselves to un-initiate in human of links to do amazing task, and yet we are constantly self berating and this is not even up for discussion about it because it's it's just who widespread what goes on caregivers and I thought I would just open the luncheon at that particular issue with my books with a message with everything and ice that I spoke to that issue very clearly nested if you're going to judge yourself by your performance record then be fair and equally judge yourself by your attendance record and that the reason I did that was two reasons. One is unwilling to give perspective for caregivers to realize what you are doing in this job is extraordinary you were facing a nun in an unconquerable flow in an impossible task.

You kid did this this thing will only the best scenario is that it is in a grave. Yeah, but not your master yet.

Not sure of things that you know it's it's it's a hydra and oh yeah, he has actually and so you keep showing up for that and I was speaking at a conference did is income every day you show up at their three more heads. Now as I was speaking at a conference out of Northeast Florida on on Friday and they asked me to be the closer for this thing up, and this is my first headline could come to know at www.lots of the sinks but but but not doing it online so I don't think they knew the entire audience so that you have the back-and-forth with the with the pure observing and so I'm just speaking to a camera and tried to think. Is this even registering the right but if I is this dog is this question if the credit thing and end up, but as I did, but then they they asked me to pull up the comment sections that the that hosted the facilitator and I just salt line after line after line were people were weeping and they were and they realized only to him that we never thought of it that way.

We never thought of it that way that that maybe we are valuable, you know, we are presumed upon so much that we we we start to believe that were not as valuable as we really are because what is it said I and I am not looked at the camera tried to hopefully just reach the character say this is what I did speak to audiences. I see it, but this is other things I had no idea if it was even resonating but clearly it was that oh my goodness what I'm doing is an individual is extraordinary and I keep showing up to do it. However, Bilotti bludgeoned how much I'm swearing under my breath. Whatever else I keep showing up. What does that say about me and and and and I'll never forget the piece of advice that a friend of mine gave me said if you met somebody who does what you do. How would you treat them and and he said cell and he said I would be friends with somebody who treated me the way I treat myself I thought that's a place for caregivers to hang out for little bit and understand that concept that it is okay for us to put the whip down and stop self flagellating that just we are just without mercy to ourselves and so I wanted to to have that conversation about self-esteem for my fellow caregiver so that they could see that maybe, maybe, just maybe it's okay to stop for a moment and look at this from a little bit different perspective and and you don't get that perspective unless you kinda been doing this for a while, you know you. It takes a long time to gain some perspective because when you get to the beginning of of the journey with caregiver you're throwing yourself into this recklessly, I mean you were hurling yourself into the reckless into this caregiving scenario for hundreds of and maybe only last for a couple months last for couple years but what goes on for decades and now I'm in my 35th year of this you have to change the way you think it some .1-I was, it doesn't really fit him in line exactly bites you know if you're if you're doing this for long enough, you end up with all this is this is this is a problem.

I haven't run into four issue of the heart that Connor has a different way of going about it Mia. We appreciate this like a fine wine and do it in. The problem is is caregivers week live such a frenetic pace right. So how do you sip something slowly when all you have time to do is guzzle it through the big strong systemic golf trough truck yeah I mean it. You don't think to slurps it, it's gone and in but this requires a little bit of processing in it and it requires not only little bit is like a soaker hose with your garden and you cannot put the firehose on this thing and in your Stillwater daisies with the firehose. I would say that for years. Just wanted to fire.

I like that I know has ever come up in our conversation this but even this is one of those things you got it. Not only you got it, do it gently within you to do it. Repent needs to be repeated often over and over and over and I would reiterate, we said this on the show before healthiness emotional healthiness and physical healthiness and spiritual healthiness financial healthiness Amy form of healthiness is intentional. It's never accidental. You just never accidentally find yourself on the treadmill. You know it. Healthiness is intentional and it is repetitive and were going to mess up are going to have days where we we you have gobbled out a carton of ice cream" or that hot and ready Krispy Kreme's that is open is glaring at us that it's calling is this like it. It's like it's got some gravitational pull. You know that what were going to have it with you II feel seen on in this picture and I don't like it that is diabolical is that is that a tractor beam on it like the death Star, but we're going to have those moments ever could have those moments when we believe what somebody with an impairment is saying to us, and I'm asking you in those moments in those moments, would you consider the source which you just consider the source and are you sure that you want to turn over the assessment of your self-worth to this individual in their impairment. Okay, that's the key for us is caregivers can we be a little bit more judicious.

At this in a practical way sometimes that might mean it golf course. Sometimes I means doing things that you feel are failures are your what you eat.

It's but keeping yourself healthy. You're going to see your doctor.

All these things we talk about on a regular basis, they can be really really are reaching out to them to an old friend and and and surrounding yourself with people as to the best of your abilities. Even the coven 19 world pick up the phone and call somebody who you know that values and and values you in the midst of all the stuff I got a friend of mine whose son was taking care of her ex-husband. It was it was kind of a rocky situation, but the sun was end up staying home taking care of his dad and he's in his mid-20s and he had a group of guys his age and every week they got together the local pub and he's the only one that didn't drink in this group, but they they all got together's puppet. They all love the sky and they just hung out and I just affirmed him in this he was able to cut the it was like it was like going to an oxygen bar instead of a hookah bar yeah out of the web that why that is fluid by head but think that quote on the news international recently like a call either way I hope hookah Barranca Terry about what the column was not ready to go. I think it's I think it is a bar, but like sometimes wound good damn you think they were cut opium did speculate that is different, but in this particular case. This was a this was a place of it was a self-esteem bar for it was a place where he can go and his his buddies affirmed him in the very difficult journey that he was on and he was able just kind of be who he was and if we don't have those kind of people in our lives and caregiving. By definition, is isolating gains. One of the guys we know that. And so you you you you cannot have community accidentally. It community and in those relationships of health, malicious or intentional, and so I started off with this show many many years ago as a way to penetrate into that isolation and then hopefully build up the the the desire and the courage and and and and help caregiver see the value of cultivating this kinds of individuals in their lives what you've got to have somebody you can help you orient your mind in space your your mind and your heart in space because we other. What is it out.

I would a member. This is just a side note, I was talking to one of Gracie's doctors and she was having benign positional vertigo. Okay okay BPV this with the glide.

I had no lead to such a state supply she struggles. She's never had this before, so we need to understand the way we orient ourselves in space is eyes legs of your your vision legs know that there's there certain sentences that work and what once her legs were gone. It became very difficult for her to orient herself in time and space in 3D orientation neck and weird and so when she had a beard, will she is simply in her ear thing that went on it was causing some problems, but it really affected her because she couldn't put her feet on the floor per se in their prosody why she wasn't wearing her prosthetic feet.

She didn't have that anchoring that you and I would have.

And so it will foster so now real problems with vertigo for seasons. We kind of figured that out was the right medications and changed some things up and I thought that was really fascinating that she did.

She was missing a key component to being able to be oriented and stable now and that caregivers are in the same way relationship.

Orient us healthy relationships. The other thing you're talking about with with just being isolated and that and not being yours method it. It's just a necessary part. It's just an inevitable consequence of the caregiving journey and you know trying to get around that is very difficult sometimes it is not can happen overnight some troublesome sometimes it is you can just call your friends you've known forever, but you still haven't got okay I'm having.

I'm doing doing this.

Want chitchat ever. But if you somehow have isolated yourself. You have to build those relationships that have it it it it is never be a one and done, it can never be a want. I know it's it's a constant reinforcement of where I am in time and space emotionally like Gracie of teaching she has to make sure she is orient.

Otherwise she will not be able to be balanced.

How is it any different for us is caregivers and and this is the journey were on here with this show is to help caregiver's plan that had that they can be oriented. for the dispute Roseburg will be right back.

Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you.

I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All death is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength these visit standing with to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing I'm Gracie. I am staining with help and help caregiver this and we are glad to have you with this 877-655-6755 if you will be part of the show followed along on her social media sites and hopefully caregiver or Facebook page and we also the Facebook group to hopefully caregiver group that you can join couple questions yet to ask to be a part of it. We try to filter out, which would make just a safe places to come hang out as a caregiver would post if there and Abbott on her Facebook page, and hopefully clear up a lot of young comets cartoons.

Unlike a lot of cartoons was John I've found that cartoons can carry such great truth that I'm a huge fan of the far side and Gary Larson's come back and in its and so if I those things but I try to find things inapplicable to just truffle a little point it's all about perspective changing all about perspective changing. This is the way we go to make it is caregivers is we have to see things from a different perspective.

We are so blinded by the trauma of war go through is caregivers.

It is very difficult for us to even see the path and I remember one time we did a for project grace and ended music project some years ago and she wrote in the credits to it when most beautiful phrases I've ever ever ever seen and she said to my husband Peter who has spent so long carrying me to heaven but couldn't see the road himself and and and I was trying so hard to make sure Gracie got all the things she needed from from getting her to Jesus how you whatever I gotta do but I couldn't see the road very well myself and I think about those guys with the story in the Gospel of John. Think it was limited was embark into Matthew was it was there.

I know I've read it, but the guys that tore up the roof to lower the paralytic friend down to the room yeah the store and I've always thought about those guys that first of what or who's roof to the Terra right right. I thought about that too might work.

This is probably me. I get it, but it's a houseman and but did they ever consider how much they needed to be lowered down to Jesus as well to the ever consider how much their need of a Savior was the most about the vagueness of that out be able to ask one day when I meet these fellows of glory. But it's those things kind of as a caregiver. I gotta tell you those things just kinda hit me. I always thought I was felt like Martha got a little bit of the shortage of the stick from Jesus when he was complaining about, you know Lord asked me to help me get all the beer slaving over a hot stove still kind of thing just like now.

She still was he supposed to do not like how cold this is why what are you saying to her and I and I understand I've heard the spoken of the sermon and I did I get it right you letters we got it. You have not, not, I'm not questioning the Lord on this other than what am I missing here because obviously I'm missing something here because I have felt like that run like I'm doing everything and Jesus of you spend time with Mary and and and affirming her that she's not even lifted a finger nail because I think you know really ever really understood that.

I think if Buffalo caregivers are honest, I think this is there is no theological judgment here.

I'm never that this is not just of it that we've got nothing to identify Martha and to have someone this being Jesus that you that you admire that you, you know like this. This person is important and that you know and to see that you are more here doing something that I know is work. I don't really want to be doing if I had my brothers by its bank having to resolve those emotional issues is something with which you identify. I think we all can I education, I gotta tell you that something that is I've never shift fit all the air and now we know why John and I never said that on the air, but I I have struggled with that and and and I be curious to find out if other caregivers do as well, but I don't.

But it's it's one of those things that I is, I've wrestled with everything a stories end up in the book is because there are identifiable flaws things with the faucet which we can all identify the engines out there that Salish is mediated and so I just I don't. This will not be the last time we do this talk about this, but the next time we talk about it to go even deeper and deeper and deeper because I think this is the issue for us is caregivers that it doesn't matter how good we can treat a change addressing it doesn't matter how good we can multitask her cooking cleaning and and deal with doctors and all that kind of stuff. If our hearts are broken, if our if our souls and spirits are crushed under the weight of somebody else just constantly flinging StuffIt us and were believing lies and this is what happens when you deal with somebody who's impaired emotionally or subject with was substance abuse or or under the influence of some type of alcohol or attic addictive medicine even if it's prescription related. If they are impaired mental health issues. Please, please, please, as a caregiver. I'm asking you please please protect your heart from this.

Please do this and go to the source. Go back to Scripture and anchor yourself and how much God loved start their go through the Psalms and look at go through Psalm 13 is a very short Psalm. I've read that one many many times and in you hear David start off of the sinks crying out his enemies that your my bunkbed is just covered with tears, but that he keeps re-anchoring himself in the provision, the faithfulness of God, and you see this being repeated out because you're not alone and struggling of why is this going on behind us is so messed up. And yet these these wonderful sites that came before us who were just like us, just as messed up as we are just as flawed as we are, and they keep finding these these nuggets to hang onto. In the midst of a very difficult circumstances, and then I ask you to please cultivate people around you. And if all you have is this showed that listens the show. You can demo the podcast for free. We have almost 500 episodes and we have this thing is exploded. It's wherever podcasts are done or podcast. This is for all the data I have weird the number one podcast for caregivers in the world of them. There's nothing I really think he blazing close and in their lot podcast for caregivers but but what we've done here is is something just it it's exploded so exploded but but in Ohio that rebroadcast land everybody. So if if you are if you did, it's free. Take advantage of it wherever you get a pocket you could sit and share this with people if they if they are on Apple or whatever, but the point is is that if this is your starting point of justice show. Then we are privileged to do so to be that voice speaks into you with clarity and speaks fluent caregiver and says you don't want.

You were doing something extraordinary you truly are and you are an extraordinary individual and what you're dealing with his brutal we asked to give respect to the trauma that you're taking on your own heart.

This is a place we can hopefully catch your breath taken me and then start developing healthier strategies for you to live a calm or healthier near us more joyful is hope for the care, hopefully John is always thinking great insight. See initially. Hey this is John Butler producer, hopefully caregiver and I have learned something that you probably all know that Gracie, his wife lost her legs many many years ago and started a prosthetic limb outreach ministry called standing with and recently they ended up with a rather unique and unexpected partner, Peter had a conversation with Gracie and Nicholas Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach. Did you ever think that inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic over in Nashville and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and arms everything when you see all this. What do you make me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out course meeting in the hospital so much and so long and so that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as as one man said something good family with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled now had no idea and I thought of Peg leg. I thought of wooden legs.

I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex fate. The legs and all that. I never thought about that as you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people. Now walk there, providing the means for the supplies to get over there. What is it do to you. Just on the heart level.

I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I could be able to go and say the this guy right here Denise go to Africa with that.

I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave. I don't want to leave them. II feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with it what you think of the faith-based programs. The core civic offers. I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the man that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one are. It is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't happen and I think that that says so much that has anything to do with me just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate or use prosthetic limbs, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody well groomed.

You've donated some of your own for them to have it, how they do that please go to standing with staining with X grace

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