Sometimes They're Just Mean

Welcome to Hope of the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberg. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. There are more than 65 million caregivers serving right now in this country. Maybe they're taking care of an aging loved one or maybe taking care of a special needs child or spouse with difficult diagnosis, trauma, mental illness. Maybe there's somebody who's taking care of an alcoholic or an addict.

That's a chronic impairment. Wherever you find a chronic impairment, you're going to find a caregiver. So how do you help the caregiver? And why do we do a show for caregivers? Well, I'll tell you why we do a show for caregivers. And because if the caregiver goes down, guess what happens to the loved one? Let me think that through for a minute. If the caregiver goes down, what happens to the person they're caring for? So it's always a two-for-one deal.

I've been doing this myself now. I'm in my 35th year. And I've learned the hard way some of the paths that we talk about on this show, paths to safety, emotional, physical, professional, financial, and most importantly, spiritual. You see, we all start here on this show with the caregiver's heart. And if the heart is in a squirrely place, what chance does the wallet have?

If you are struggling with bitterness and resentment or fear, guilt, all these kinds of things, how do you think that's going to affect every other area of your life? And that's what separates this show from anything else out there addressing the needs of the family caregiver. I've heard it all. I've heard all the platitudes. When you've been a caregiver for 35 years, you've heard all the platitudes.

Take care of yourself, get some rest, all that kind of stuff. But I've never heard anybody come with conviction and clarity in a way that caregivers understand on how to engage spiritually with Scripture, the Word of God, and a relationship with Christ, and how that permeates into your life as a caregiver. And so, guess what?

Since I've never heard it, I started doing it. And that's why this show is here. And I'm very grateful that AFR has caught the vision and has seen fit to share this with this entire audience. And now we have other networks that have joined with us, the His Radio Network out of South Carolina, Truth Network based in North Carolina, and other affiliates all across the country here and the world now. Our people are dialing in. I've got a very dear friend of mine who's a missionary in Tonga. And she uses material that we talk about on the show as she ministers there and she and her family minister in Tonga, way over there in the South Pacific. And so the need for caregiving supersedes every border, every race, every religion.

It's the human condition. And I speak fluent caregiver on this show, but let me let you in on something. It's our Savior's native tongue.

I've learned to speak caregiver, but that's His native tongue. And we're going to talk about that today. And I've got a special topic. And normally I ask you some things that I want you to call in and give me your trivia answer, or if you know this particular song or whatever.

And I'll probably do that today too. Everything's going to tie in, but I'm actually doing this particular show, this topic, because my mother asked me to do it. And when your mother asks you to do something, you try to accommodate that. And so my mother asked me about this and she listens on Alexa. And every Saturday morning I have to remind them of how to get back on Alexa.

And it's always fun, mom, isn't it? And dad's there too. And my parents are both highly intelligent, educated people, but for whatever reason, I'd fuss at my dad about this and he'll get in charge of this.

But he was captain of the Navy, doctorate of ministry, and he'd never bothered to really engage with computers. And so it's very frustrating. And mom's got some visual impairments so she can't see as well. So everything has to be audio. Well, then they try to talk with Alexa and I say, you don't talk with Alexa. You command Alexa. You say, play this or do this. And they want to talk about Alexa's relationship with her parents and how she's struggling with bitterness.

No, I'm just kidding. So I have fun with my parents on that, but mom and I talked and dad and I talked every week before the show and we talked throughout the week and she asked me about this topic that we're going to discuss today. And that is when a caregiver is taking care of someone who is mean to them, who treats them poorly. And I've got several people that come to mind that I'm thinking of. One of them is a young man who took care of his father, who was just a mean man.

And the young man did it. And I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about that? Have you had that scenario where you're taking care of somebody and you're treated poorly, or maybe taking care of somebody and the family of that loved one or whatever, extended family or friends treat you poorly or treat you mean, or somehow disparage you? Has that been your experience? 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. If that's been your experience, that you've had somebody treat you poorly in this and you're trying to take care of them. And it doesn't necessarily mean that you're trying to somehow rag on the person that you're caring for. They have bad days. Sometimes it's medication. Sometimes it's a disease. Sometimes they're just being a jerk. It happens. Sometimes we're doing it.

I know my track record and it is part of our human condition, but I want to know how you deal with it. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. And I am going to give you a musical trivia question because I think it applies to what we're talking about here. So if you know this song, I'm going to play a little slower.

All right. If you know that one, that is also relevant to what we're going to be talking about today. Just learning to deal with the fact that you're going to be treated poorly. It's going to happen. It'll happen if you're a believer. It'll happen if you're a caregiver.

Jesus promised that it would happen if you're a believer. And I don't know why we're surprised, but we are. And we're going to engage with that.

But sometimes there are special cases with caregivers. And by the way, if you know the lyrics of that song, 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. I'll give it to you one more time. All right. And there's a great story behind that song and I'm going to engage my wife on that at another time. But the first line of that is an important line for us to remember in the midst of these very difficult times. And some of you have been treated very poorly. I know you have. I've gotten the calls. And it's a hard thing when you're trying and you're so stretched and you're so tired and you're so worn out and you're so discouraged and then you're treated like garbage.

And this is happening on a regular basis. I was doing a conference up in Alaska one time of nurses. And I asked for a show.

I don't know why I did this. Just out of just whatever off the top of my head, I just asked, have any of you ever been grabbed by a patient? And 100% of them raised their hands. And then I asked, have any of you been choked by a patient or loved one that you're caring for? And nearly 100% of them.

It was full room and nearly 100% of them raised their hands. So I stopped for a moment and I showed them how to get out of choke holds and grabs. I'm a second degree black belt in Hopkito. And I thought, well, this would be a useful piece of information. And you don't have to be physically huge to do it. It's a technique. And you can do it without hurting the other person, but you can make sure that you're safe and you're extricated from that. And so we spent some time on that.

Who'd have thunk? But you know what? This is the reality of being a caregiver. You're going to get in situations where either you physically are being hurt or emotionally being hurt or both. How do you get out of that?

How do you deal with it? We're going to talk about that some more. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840.

We'll be right back. 24 seven emergency support, increasing safety, reducing isolation. These things are more important than ever as we deal with the challenges of COVID-19. How about your vulnerable loved ones? We can't always check on them or be there in ways we'd like. That's why there's Constant Companion, seamlessly weaving technology and personal attention to help push back against the isolation while addressing the critical safety issues of our vulnerable loved ones and their caregivers. Constant Companion is the solution for families today. Staying connected, staying safe.

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Mycompanion247.com. Hey, this is Peter Rosenberg and in my three and a half decades as a caregiver I have spent my share of nights in a hospital, sleeping in waiting rooms, on fold out cots and chairs, even the floor. Sometimes on sofas and a few times in the doghouse, but let's don't talk about that. As caregivers, we have to sleep at uncomfortable places, but we don't have to be miserable. We use pillows for mypillows.com.

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That's mypillow.com promo code caregiver. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. How are you feeling? How you doing? What's going on with you? Is your life in his hand?

Do you know that? That's Gracie, my wife singing from her CD Resilient. Go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com to see more about that. Hopeforthecaregiver.com.

Be a part of what we're doing in this ministry. We'll send you a copy of that CD. It is a fabulous record and you'll love it. She's the real deal, man. She's a no kidding singer.

I love listening to her sing. All right, we're talking about, have you ever been treated poorly as a caregiver? Have you ever struggled under that kind of disparaging thing where you're dealing with somebody, you're doing the best you can, and then they're responding. I don't know that we're going to be able to address these things and get any kind of resolution that was going to make you feel better today, but the purpose of this today is to bring us together as a caregiving community and say, yeah, this is a problem and let people know that they're not alone in this because a lot of people are harboring this by themselves. You've heard me talk about this. It's in my book, Hopeforthecaregiver, wherever books are sold and you'll see this theme throughout the show and the books and the podcasts and everything else. There are three eyes that every caregiver struggles with, every one of us.

If you haven't struggled with all three of these, you haven't been a caregiver long enough. You lose your independence. You lose your identity.

You get lost in someone else's story. We stopped speaking in first person singular. People ask us, how are we doing? Well, we had a bad night or she's not doing well or he's not doing well.

I'm on this show. Those of you who've been listening for some time, you know that I'm going to ask you every time you call, any caller, how are you feeling? And I want to hear it in first person singular. I don't want to hear you talk about we, us, them or her, you know, whatever. It's you.

It's you. How are you feeling? That's the first thing we're going to start off with because I want us as caregivers to learn how to speak in our own voice. And then the third eye that we struggle with is isolation. And then the whole world is coming to grips with isolation now through the COVID-19, but caregivers have been dealing with this since it's the human condition of caring for someone else. You become isolated in caring for someone who has some type of chronic impairment. And so in that isolation, that's where dark thoughts fester. So what we're trying to do on this show with this topic today is I want to let people know who've been treated poorly and they're in isolation and they're just tuning into the show for the first time, or maybe somebody sent them the podcast of the show or whatever.

I want you to know that you're not alone. That this is part of the human condition. And if it's part of the human condition, then there's a path through scripture.

It's just that simple. That doesn't mean it's an easy path. It doesn't mean that it's going to be a path that is without, you know, challenges. But there is a path because it's part of the human condition. And God did not just dump us on this earth and not give us guidance to be able to trust him and follow him through this thing and also walk joyfully with him in the midst of no matter what. This is promised to us throughout scripture. And so that's the whole purpose of this today. I want those who are for maybe the first time hearing that, oh, wait a minute, this is happening to other people too? And I want them to hear that today so that they know that they're not alone.

For example, let me go to Janice in Kentucky. Janice, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling fine. I was a caregiver.

I'm not anymore. But the person I was caring for was legally blind and she would accuse me of stealing. And I just walked through her house and I find what she's looking for. And she would sometimes apologize. And most times she stayed mad because I had stole it from her and brought it back. How did you handle that?

I got really mad one day and walked out. So I came back in about half an hour and I told her I'm sorry I walked out, but I didn't want to be accused anymore. And she never did come right out and say, you stole it after that. But she did say somebody stole it, but I could find it in her apartment each time. It was just, she was blind and she couldn't find things.

And she just assumed somebody came in and took it. But one day at a time. You know, there's a, I have a, I have a thing that I do and I talk about this in my book and I've talked about on the show a lot, uh, that's called the Delta doctrine. And it's the three W's, three W's, wait, water, walk. And, um, when you get into a, uh, an altercation situation, wait just a few moments.

Just, just, just wait. Uh, we don't have to run to every fight we get a ticket to and we can just wait. And if we can't do that, we can drink some water because that gives us a chance to kind of put something in our mouth besides words and cool off, drink to think water, not, not a Coke, not coffees, not red bull for sure.

And I don't want to get letters from red bull fans. I just, I'm just saying when you're in a high altercation situation, that is something you might want to stay away from. And then the third thing is just take a walk. And that's what you did.

Just, just get out of the house, go, go for a walk around the block, whatever, just cool off a little bit and, and let your, let your heart kind of catch its breath as well. And it sounds like that's exactly what you did, isn't it? Yeah, I did.

It just hurts so bad because she was so positive that she knew what she was talking about. But I do know the song that you were playing too. Do you know that song?

That's a great song, isn't it? Heaven came down and glory filled my soul. Heaven came down.

Made me whole. Well, and that brings us to why I played that today because we have to understand that heaven came down just in that phrase alone. Heaven came down. He condescended down to us. It's, it's, it's heaven came down. And if we understand that he had to condescend to us, it kind of changes perspective, doesn't it? Yes, it does. We couldn't go to him.

No. And so, and so when we condescend to others who are struggling, we're only mirroring what has been done for us. And, and it's not that we're doing this because we're so noble. It's not that we're doing this because we're so wonderful people, because we all need a savior, we're all sinners, but we're doing this as a reflection of what he's done for us.

And once we kind of get that ingrained in our mind, that's one of that's the path. That's the path to safety in this is understanding, okay, not what would Jesus do? What did Jesus do? And he came down. Heaven came down and glory filled my soul. Isn't that a, isn't that a great hymn?

Yes, sir. It is one of my favorites. Well, Gracie, when she was three years old, that was the first hymn she ever sang in public that she was three years old. She sang it at First Baptist Church in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, one Sunday night. She got up and sang it and her grandfather loved for Gracie to sing and Gracie sang it one volume, which was full out. I mean, just letting it rip. And, uh, and he just was so delighted. Here's a little three year old girl getting up there and just belting out. I'd be like Ethel Merman, belting it out, you know, and it was, and her, her grandfather, it just delighted him to no end. And, um, but today, even today when she sings this and I play it a little bit slower for it, I let her just sing it.

And I'll tell you when she sings it, it'll absolutely break your heart. It is so beautiful. When at the cross my savior made me home.

Uh, you know, it just, um, it, it was, it's, it's beautiful to listen to her do it. And, uh, but, but it's one of those things we'll remember that heaven came down. He came down and you know, Oh, by the way, I got to tell you this phrase when you were, when you were reminding me of this story, uh, Jeff Foxworthy does this bit about, uh, he's up there and he can't find the, the remote control for the TV and he yells out, somebody stole the remote.

And his wife said, that's right, Jeff. They came in here, bypassed all the silver, all the China, all the jewelry, and they went straight for your remote. So does that, does that, uh, does that resonate with you a little bit?

So that's right. They came in here and they bypassed everything and stole your remote. And, um, and, and I appreciate the fact that you were able to just get away, take a break, come back and do it. But did you feel like you were able to at some point make a lasting impression that, um, it's that for boundaries, for your own dignity sake that you say, you know what, I'm here to help you don't treat me this poorly, that kind of thing. Were you able to effectively do that or was it lost on her? No, I think after I took my walk, she was really scared that I wasn't coming back.

Uh, cause it took me 30 minutes to get around the block. And when I came back, I explained to her that she didn't have anything that I needed and there was no reason for me to take it from her. It was usually little bitty things that, that, uh, you know, I had several of myself type of thing, you know, but, uh, she changed her attitude, praise the Lord because she was a Christian as well as I was, and we were just working together and I was just her friend. I wasn't her legal person to take care of her. She didn't have anybody like that, but uh, I did do all her medical things for her and take her to doctors and things like that. But it was a constant, I'm here if you need me. Uh, no, she decided that I wasn't there to take anything away from her.

That you had your own TV remote. You didn't need hers. Is that what she decided? That's right. Well, thank you for this. And I appreciate you sharing this because I know that was painful. I know that was painful. You know, you're doing the best you can, you're volunteering, you're not, you know, and all of a sudden she's accusing you of stealing. And how many folks listening to this show today are taking care of somebody who have taken care of somebody and been accused of stealing? Oh my goodness.

888-589-8840 if you want to share that story. But how many of you all have been doing this? But did I go back to heaven came down and then glory filled my soul. He condescended.

That's the whole point. John Peterson wrote this hymn. And you know, Oh, what a wonderful, wonderful day.

Day I will never forget. And when we understand that, that's where it starts. See again, the whole point of the show is to delve into the heart condition of the caregiver.

If like you said, she was a Christian, you were a Christian. And if you have some place to go to when those moments knock you off your feet and you can get back up on, you know where the path is, then you're able to stand more securely saying, okay, I know who I belong to. I know what's going on with me. And I know this person is sick and they're not well, or they're in fear or they have dementia or whatever. It doesn't matter.

Sundowners all of the above. But these are things, certainly if they're dealing with addiction and these are things that are important for us to remember, but sometimes we have to take a walk around the block like Janice. Janice, thank you so much for calling today. Thank you very much. And thanks for sharing your heart.

And I appreciate you listening to the show. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. 888-589-8840.

We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver. And I love that from Keith Green. I put that in pretty much every rotation. You put this love in my heart. Some of you remember Keith Green and a profound impact on Christian music and the body of Christ worldwide. And that is the song for us as caregivers. You put this love in my heart.

If we understand that the well that we're drawing from is not our own sense of nobility and goodness, it gives a different perspective for what we're doing as a caregiver. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. We're talking about have you ever been treated poorly by the person you're taking care of? As the last caller, Janice, called in. She shared that she was accused of stealing.

I bet you a lot of you all have had that. I have a dear friend of mine who's taking care of her husband with dementia and other issues going on. And he dealt with sundowners. And at evening time, he became very, very mean and hostile towards her, accused her of terrible things. They've been married for almost 60 years. And this man adored his wife.

I've known the family for years. And I went over to visit and she'd just be in tears. And one of the things I encouraged her to do, they had the setup to do this, is to hire somebody to take care of him in the evening times. And she would just stay detached from that. And she was able to do that. But she felt guilty about doing it. Again, a lot of times people say, well, if I have more money, I can do this.

Well, these people have plenty of money. But she didn't want to do it. She felt like she had to do this 24-7 with him. And she was just becoming more and more strained. And he was becoming more and more mean at night.

Sundowners is a terrible thing. Some of you know what I'm talking about. And she was able to do that. And it worked. It worked for her. And all she needed was some nutty guy with a radio show for caregivers to look at her and say, it's OK for you to have somebody else take care of him in the evening time that's a professional, that's not emotionally involved, that he can't punch all the buttons with in his dementia. You know, it's OK for you to do that.

And you could almost just see the air just kind of explode out of her. She says, really? Is that OK? And I said, yeah, it's really OK. And they did.

And she was able to get some rest. Sometimes impairments will do that. Sometimes they're just being a jerk.

Sometimes they're just being just sinful people. And that's why I did the musical bit this morning with heaven came down. Heaven came down.

He condescended to us. And you look at when Jesus was on the cross, Luke 23, 24. What do you say? Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. They didn't know. Those are Jesus's own words. You look at Joseph with his brothers. You know, and they certainly treated him poorly. You look at David with King Saul. And David honored King Saul post-mortem. In fact, the guy that took credit for killing Saul, even though he didn't do it, but he took credit for thinking that he'd get in good with David. David ended up having him killed. Said, your words, you touched the Lord's anointing. Your words, your death is on your head. And he refused to return that.

You don't render evil for evil. First Thessalonians 515, that was the first scripture verse I learned way back at the church, my dad, pastor dad in Atlanta. And I was just a little kid and they're laughing while they're listening to this right now because the Sunday school teacher, I think, pulled out her hair dealing with me every week. And I think that she's gone on to glory now, but I think she'd be pleased that I learned something out of her class. And so I was a little bit of a challenge, let's say. Okay.

Let's just leave it right there and nobody's going to get hurt. All right. Gene in Texas. Gene good morning. How are you feeling?

I'm doing great. Thank you. Well, you took care of your husband, two husbands.

Correct. First husband I took care of for 20 years. And part of that time in the latter part of his disease, he was in a nursing home and I wrote a poem for a caregiver that he had in the nursing home and it started a whole real retail line of poetry for me.

I'm a professional poet. And so anyway, years pass, the second husband died and I was at a meeting and this woman who works in our community for people helping them in kind of the same way you are, except not on the radio. Anyway, she said, do you have a poem for caregivers?

And I said, well, yes. And I read her the poem that I wrote for this caregiver to my first husband in the nursing home. It's called like an angel. She said, it's very nice, but she said, I want a poem for family caregivers. And I thought about all my poems and I said, I don't have one, but I said, if anyone should write it, it should be me. And I went home and I wrote this poem in 15 minutes and now I would like to share it. I would love to hear it.

Okay. To family caregivers with love. Sometimes the soul is weary and longs to have a rest. Caring for a loved one is not easy though you try your best.

Hopefully your loved one can appreciate all you do, but sadly it is too often that the opposite is true. It's okay to think of self. It's important to take a break. Ignoring your own health is not selfish.

It is a big mistake. And if at times you wonder if anyone really cares, many have you in their hearts and also in their prayers. When did you write that?

Probably about two years ago. It's a beautiful poem. That is a beautiful poem. And, uh, that is, uh, you, and you write, this is what you do now pretty much full time is write poetry. Yes.

Yes. And I write custom poetry so people have a need for a special occasion. I interview them and they give me all of the content through the interview. And then I write an original rhyming poem that can be framed. Well, that's a, that's a lovely gift. You know, one of the things I've encouraged a lot of caregivers to do is to write in and some people, um, some people are, uh, reticent to do so because they think, well, it won't be good. Well, you're not writing to, to become the poet laureate of the country. You're writing because this is something that's in you that needs to come out and, and in a way that is authentic to who you are.

It is incredibly healing. And, uh, did you write poetry before you were married and care before you were caregiving and all that kind of stuff? Was that something that was involved in your life or is this something you kind of picked up later in life or what? Well, I, I give, actually I give talks to, um, different groups. And one of my talks is how I became a poet. And it's a very funny and long story, so I won't, you know, even begin to start it. But basically I say to everyone, it was a God given gift and I didn't know I could write poetry until I was forced to in a English class when I was in high school and we had an excellent English teacher and he required at the end of our poetry unit that everyone in the senior class write an original rhyming, I shouldn't say that, he required us to write a poem in Shakespearean stanza. And that's a very difficult formula to follow. And I wrote this poem and this was a competition and I won the competition.

And then subsequently over the years, it was published in three different national publications. So that was my first poem. Well that, I mean, I remember having assignments like that at school writing in Shakespearean style, but I could never figure out how to weave in y'all and mommer and them in Shakespearean style. So it's a, uh, you know, that's when you, when you raised in South Carolina, you know, I'm thinking, wait a minute, how does this work?

This doesn't work. You know, um, I shall call tricky. I shall call all y'all, but that's wonderful. And you're still writing and you go, go ahead.

Yes. Well, I taught, I taught poetry in two languages, French and English both. And then I retired from a teaching career and I, all my life after I, you know, was even teaching, I thought I would love to write poetry for people. And so when I retired from my teaching career, I worked and figured out how to start this business that I have and it all came together and I've been writing this type of poetry for 25 years for people. So I'm not a young person anymore, but I'm still enjoying life to the fullest.

It sounds like you are, and I'm glad that you're still writing and I'm glad that you're writing for other people and you're drawing on a, wow, you're drawing on a, a, a real depth to be able to offer this to folks, Jean. And it's, um, it's a, it's a beautiful gift that you give. Do you have a website?

Yes, I do. Let's give it out to folks. Maybe somebody needs some, uh, some, some stuff there and let's give it out and people go take a look at what you do here. What is, what is your website? It's www of course, personal poetry Inc I N C because I'm incorporated personal poetry, inc.com. Well, I hope some folks will check you out and, uh, maybe use your services, personal poetry, Inc, because I I'm a big fan of caregivers digging deep into their souls to pull out the beauty that's in their lives and offer what they have. And, and, you know, and, and, um, uh, whether it's music, poetry, gardening, woodworking, I don't care what it is.

Let your soul breathe by doing these things. And Jean, I can't think of a better way that, um, to model that than what you just said this morning. So thank you for sharing that with us.

I really do appreciate it. Okay. Listen, this is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg. We've got to go to a break.

We'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. We're talking today about a painful thing with caregivers. Have you been treated poorly? Have you been treated poorly? Have somebody accused you of stealing? Somebody has assaulted you. Somebody has verbally used you. All they're saying is we're talking about that today.

We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to Hope as a Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. Have you been treated poorly as a caregiver? Have you been treated, been accused of things?

Have you been assaulted? All those kinds of things. This is what we're talking about today. We're doing this in the context of scripture because everything is in the context of scripture. And if you want to be an atheist and be a caregiver, you're welcome to it.

Let me know how that works out for you. But I'm in my 35th year of this, and I'm telling you that there is no condition that we struggle with as caregivers on a heart level. Now, the scenarios are not necessarily covered in scripture. There's nowhere in scripture where a guy's taken care of his wife for 35 years through 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. It's not there. But there are plenty of places in scripture where it talks about the heart condition, the human condition of what's going on with us, that we're fearful, that we're angry, that we're resentful, that we're despairing.

All those kinds of things. It's all there. So whatever you're dealing with, the heart condition of it is covered in scripture, and there is a path for us to become healthier and stronger. Now, you'll hear me talk about on the show a lot that the goal is not to be happy. That's an elusive goal. We will be happy along the way, and happiness comes. But the goal is to be healthy. Healthy financially, healthy physically, healthy emotionally, healthy spiritually.

Being happy, happy, happy all the time, time, time seems a little bit odd to me. Sorry, I had to cough. That's not COVID. That's hay fever. I feed horses every day. You get in a barn full of hay, and I wear a mask. I feel stupid wearing a mask out there because there's nobody around me, and I'm wearing a mask, but I'm wearing a mask because of hay fever, not because of COVID.

So I just went off on a tangent. So I'm going to go to Lynn in Arkansas. Lynn, good morning. How are you feeling? Lynn?

Well, we lost Lynn. Jeanette in Louisiana. Jeanette, good morning. How are you feeling? Oh, Jeanette. Okay. I'm feeling all good, feeling all right. You said you took care of your mom who was abusive.

Right. As a child, I was abusive, black at 4 and 5 to 6 years old and a younger brother. So I went through life being like that, and I left and went to California in 73, and I come back in 89 and stayed with them, and I was the one still taking care of my mother and my father. Well, my father was saved by then, but my mom was disabled before I left. But anyway, she didn't get no better, and she just got worse and worse than even being in the nursing home. She still was abusive. So crying, crying, and crying, I did a lot of it, and that was a 23-year-old child. But when I was in California, the Lord led me back to come back home to lead her back to him.

Just when I was a child, she used to sing in the choir, and my dad was a deacon and I had a deacon, but she turned away. But anyway, you just have to cry, and you have to let it go, and you just can't hold on to it, because if you hold on to all that, what you're going through, it'll, you know, make you become disabled and disturbed and unhappy, and you know. It'll tear your soul up, won't it? That's right. Let me ask you a question, Jeanette.

Let me ask you a question. So your mother abused you as a child, and then later on in life, you're still having to take care of her, and she was still a pretty abusive woman. Is that what you're telling me?

Yes, yes. See, those old wounds never really got a chance to be resolved with her, did they? No, she died that way. It was so bad going to the nursing home and seeing her, and she still said something I wouldn't say, but she just said she just hated the day she had me. And I just cried that day and left the nursing home and I didn't go back.

And then they wouldn't give another. May I ask you a question? When she said that, when she treated you that way, and you know these things extended all the way back to your birth, evidently, she was bitter towards you from the moment you came into this world.

Why? How, where do you, what specifically helped you anchor yourself to realize your worth was more than what she was saying? I didn't think about it, and then I didn't accept it, because my dad was a good man, and I told her that after my dad was dead. But what she did tell me, she told me that one day, like in the early 2000s, the reason why she felt like and treated me and my sister next to me, because we was a lot like our daddy, more than her, more than his sons were.

And that's why she treated me and my sister next to me like that out of three girls. Well that probably didn't make you feel better, but what have you found in your walk with God, in your relationship with Christ, what have you found that has spoken to that deep hurt and given you some strength and some encouragement in this? Is there a hymn, is there a song, is there a passage in scripture? Knowing that I stayed anchored to God ever since I was little, I got baptized when I was nine, and I would stay in my room a lot as a little girl, and I just know that God was there with me and he was taking care of me. And then as I got older, I ended up admitting myself in the mental hospital with a letter not knowing it. But then I started reading the Bible, got to read the Bible in order to keep a peace of mind in order to have a relationship with God. And once you have that relationship with God, then you can feel love and happy, and you don't have to want or need nobody to love you.

You learn to love yourself and know that God loves you in spite of what you're going through. Do you like to listen to hymns? Yes. You know what I'd like to do, if it's all right with you, Jeanette? I'd like to put you on hold and get your information. Can I send you a copy of my CD? It's called Songs for the Caregiver. It's just hymns, just me playing the piano, Gracie sings a few things, but I felt like that maybe it would be when those moments come where it does still, those old wounds still hurt, that maybe it'd be something peaceful that you could listen to and would be administered to your soul.

Would that be okay if I sent you that? Yes, I listen at you mostly every Saturday because I don't go to sleep all night taking care of myself. But anyway, yes, and I wanted to know how I could give a donation too, so I'd give a donation. No, listen, let me give a donation to you and let me send you this CD, and that's very kind of you to do that, but let me invest a little bit in you because you have said something today that is going to resonate around the country, around the world, on this network and beyond, because a lot of people are dealing with what you have expressed this morning. We can all sense that this has come at great cost to you, and yet your walk with Christ is not a surfacy walk. You can't walk through the kind of wounds that you're walking through, Jeanette, without having substantive engagement with Christ. And I really want you to know that this is, you won't know the people you've blessed today.

You won't know them. You won't be able to know until we get to heaven, and then we're all going to just give Him the glory anyway. But you bless me, and I'm going to put you on hold, and we're going to get you information, and I'm going to send you a copy of this CD, and I want you just to play it every time your heart hurts. The opening hymn on it is, there is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God, a place where sin cannot molest near to the heart of God. It's one of my favorite hymns. And so it's just stuff that I hope that when you sleep, you play it, and you're able just to sleep, and maybe sometimes you weep, and it hopefully will bring you a little bit of encouragement and healing to you in those deep places. And I thank you very much for blessing us today, Jeanette.

It really means a lot, okay? And I'm going to put you on hold and let them get your information here. Let me see if I can squeeze in a few more calls. We're right at the bottom of the hour here. Linda in Texas. Linda, good morning.

Right at the top of the hour. Linda, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm doing good. How are you?

Well, I'm just in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in. Real quick, we only got about a minute here. Tell me what you cared for your mom, and she would get angry when she didn't know who you were. Oh yeah, she got angry. She got angry. I think a lot of times she knew who I was. She just would get angry maybe because of too much medicine or not enough medicine. She went through 17 years of myasthenia gravis way before they really knew anything about it. Excuse my voice.

I'm just coming out of COVID. Don't worry about that. How did you deal with that anger? The Lord. Every day just asking him to help me help her, whatever way that was. And she played a game a lot of times with my brother and sister.

They chose to live with my dad, and I stayed with her, but she would favor them. And she knew that hurt. And one time in the hospital, and this time she had not, they had for some reason dropped her mood elevator, and she started it on me. And everything she said was just like a snake's tongue.

I mean, it cut like a knife. And my husband was sitting there, and he said, why don't we just go? And I said, no. I have to stay with her today because we lived in Houston. She lived in Fort Worth. And sometimes I would have to drive up there, and the Lord just drove me.

We would be there and we'd be like jumping out. Well, and I understand that. We're out of time here, and I appreciate you sharing it. I know that must have been extremely painful for you, and I appreciate you sharing it because that could happen. Sometimes those we're taking care of can punch all of our buttons, sometimes because they sewed them on. But I leave you with this.

Number one, sometimes they're not doing it to you, they're just doing it. And number two, heaven came down, and glory filled our soul. He condescended to us in our hopeless estate and our angry estate. And that's what gives us the strength to keep moving on. There's more at hopeforthecaregiver.com.

We'll see you next time. This is John Butler, and I produce Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberger. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife, Gracie. And recently, Peter talked to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey. Take a listen. Gracie, when you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach, did you ever think that inmates would help you do that?

Not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by CoreCivic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country that you put out the plea for, and they're disassembling, you see all these legs, like what you have, your own prosthetic legs, and arms. When you see all this, what does that do to you? Makes me cry because I see the smiles on their faces, and I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out.

Of course, being in the hospital so much and so long. And so, these men are so glad that they get to be doing, as one band said, something good finally with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled? No, I had no idea.

I thought of peg leg, I thought of wooden legs, I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and sea legs and all that. I never thought about that. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that they're helping other people now walk, they're providing the means for these supplies to get over there, what does that do to you, just on a heart level? I wish I could explain to the world what I see in there, and I wish that I could be able to go and say, this guy right here, he needs to go to Africa with us. I never not feel that way.

Every time, you know, you always make me have to leave, I don't want to leave them. I feel like I'm at home with them, and I feel like that we have a common bond that I would have never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had an experience with it, what do you think of the faith-based programs that CoreCivic offers? I think they're just absolutely awesome, and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one, is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't have them, and I think that that says so much. That doesn't have anything to do with me, it just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people.

If people want to donate a used prosthetic limb, whether from a loved one who passed away or somebody who outgrew them, you've donated some of your own for them to do. How do they do that? Where do they find it? Please go to standingwithhope.com slash recycle.

Standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Thanks Gracie. One of our generous sponsors here at the Truth Network has come under fire.

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