Caregivers and the No Huddle Offense

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This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. How are you doing?

How are you feeling? The family caregiver is an at risk individual. I firmly believe this. They are carrying the challenges for at least two people, themselves and at least one other person they're caring for. Some caregivers take care of multiple people.

Are you one of those? If you are, you're in the right place, and we're glad that you are with us. Hopeforthecaregiver.com.

If you want to learn more about the program, you can go out to our website and there's a little form you fill out. You can send me a comment, question, whatever's on your heart, and let me know how I can respond to kind of wherever you are, you know, what's in your headspace. This is the time and this is the program for all of us as family caregivers to come together and compare notes and draw strength from each other. What can we learn from each other through this process?

And we're not going to solve it, and that's not the goal. The goal becomes for us as caregivers is can we live peacefully when everything else is not? Can we live a little more calmly, a little healthier, and dare I say it, a little more joyful? And I believe we can, but it takes work and it takes comparing notes with others, whether it's through a support group, whether through a program like this, fellow caregivers, pastor, clergy, your doctor, somebody else besides your own voice that's giving you some objective counsel where you can learn and appropriate in your own life. You know, hey, that's working for them.

Let me try it for myself. But all too often we caregivers, we just toil along in isolation and we feel so cut off from everyone else. Nobody's going to possibly understand what we're going through or, or I feel embarrassed or, or I don't know what I don't even, sometimes we don't even know what to ask.

And that's all of those things are completely normal, but let's invade that normal with some clarity. Let's dig into our circumstances as caregivers and see what's really causing us the angst. And all too often we blame it on the behaviors or the condition of a loved one. Well, if they weren't like this, then we could be, and that's not really what's going on.

Because if it wasn't their situation or their circumstance or their behavior, it'd be something else. There's always something to, to torque us and to get us agitated and angst driven. The question is, how are we going to deal with it? How do we respond to it? Are we reacting all the time?

Are we responding all the time? And I, I was thinking about this. I know it's not football season, but it's getting ready to be in a couple of months and I'm not really following football much at this time of my life. But have you ever watched the, you know, these teams that get into the two minute offense or the no huddle offense when the clock is running and they are jumping really quick to the line of scrimmage, moving the ball fast and trying to catch the defense off guard and, and move this ball down the field as fast as they can, because the clock is the enemy. And, you know, I understand that.

I understand the place it is. And I used to think, you know, why don't they do this all the time? Why don't they just keep going and keep pushing on offense?

Well, I'm not a football coach, so I can't tell you why, but I can posit why I think they might, because it's exhausting. And at some point you have to sit down and have a clear plan. You have to have a clear path of, of what does a, what does forward advancement look like? And we as caregivers, I think are playing one minute offense, you know, no huddle offense all the time. And we're having to make up stuff on the fly.

And it's hard to have some type of cohesive strategy of where we're going. What does that look like for you? How do you plan for your health? How do you plan for your business? What do you do for meals? How do you plan to clean the house or do laundry?

When do you do that? These are all legitimate issues that face so many caregivers. A lot of people think, well, you got all the medical stuff at the pharmacy.

Yeah, that's true. I got a lot of that at my house. I'm at the pharmacist on a regular basis and doctors and so forth.

But is that really where the battle is? Is it time management? Is it just the constant is it just the constant interruption of stuff, the stop and go traffic? Don't you hate being in traffic when it's just stop and go, stop and go, stop and go. When we lived in Nashville, it was like that for us just increasingly. That's one of the reasons I left Nashville, moved to Montana. On the way home today, I pulled off by the side of the road and watched a cowboy rope in a calf, you know, and it's a lot better to watch than traffic bumper to bumper traffic.

I got to tell you, it's kind of cool. And, you know, sometimes we will have traffic out here. When they move cattle up here into the forest, when we're trying to get down the main road, we sometimes have to stop for the cattle drive. But be honest, how many of you all would love to just watch a cattle drive? You know, I mean, it is kind of cool, but stop and go traffic in a city.

If you ever spent any time in major urban areas like Atlanta and all that where there's just, and God helped those poor folks out in Los Angeles. Man, it's just nuts and it's hard on the car. It's hard on your nerves. You just, you just, it's frustrating.

But that's, that's kind of our life as caregivers, isn't it? Stop and go, stop and go, stop and go. And you never really get to, how many of you all could drive a stick shift? In a stick shift car, when you have five gears and you put it in fifth gear and you just cruise on down the road, there's just, there's nothing quite like it, you know?

But it seems like we don't, we don't get out there very much in fifth gear. And we end up moving at a pace that is very taxing to us. It's, it's stressful to go slower than you want to and slower than you're built to go. And yet, can we be at peace with that pace? Are you at peace with the pace?

Can you find ways to move your body and your mind and your heart while serving as a caregiver? And I suggest to you that we have to. And I don't know what that looks like for you. I'll tell you some of the things that looks like for me. For me, when I get on this program, I'm moving at my pace. I'm speaking and my mind is working and I'm thinking about these things and I'm sharing them with you. When I go out and speak and I'm thinking about these things and I'm sharing them with you, when I go out and speak in public, get out on stage or on television or whatever, that's me moving at my pace. And it's not work for me to do that.

It's not work for me to go to the piano and I get to move at my pace. And I love getting there in the studio and doing stuff with Gracie because musically, we just become so synced and it's really wonderful to experience. And I love that we have that. The other day, I was out there and spring came a little late in Montana. We had snow last week, three inches of snow in the second week of May. But we're way up in the Rockies, but now it seems to be here. And I was out there with the horses and just hanging out.

I was feeding them the other night and it was one of those nights where the sunlight is streaming through the trees and the horses are swishing their tails and they're nuzzling up with you. It's hard to describe, unless you've done it, how meaningful that is. I'm not moving fast, but my heart is engaged with all of my senses and I'm just learning to be at peace. I'm putting it in fifth gear. If you notice when you're in fifth gear on your five-speed, the RPMs are roughly about 2.3 to 2.5. So your RPMs are not really hot on your car and the car is easing into that while you're going fast, but you're not racing. And the question for us as caregivers, can we go fast without racing?

Or are we always feeling like we're in that no-huddle offense where we're just constantly having to figure it out on the fly? And I would suggest to you that we can do the former. It takes a little bit of work. And I believe that Scripture backs that up. And we're going to talk about that some more in the next segment. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. We're glad that you're listening here on American Family Radio and across the country on all of our affiliates, The Truth Network, His Radio, and so many others.

Thank you all for seeing value to reaching the family caregiver with encouragement, practical help, and pointing them to the source of all hope, which is in Christ. Now, I was talking about in the last segment about the no-huddle offense and the way we kind of approach the journey with us as caregivers, that we're always somehow feeling like we're on the fly. I mean, well, I'm not saying we're always doing it. How many of you all do that? Do you feel this way on a regular basis that you're somehow just having to kind of make it up as you go along? There's no good strategic plan. You're just trying to keep from drowning. And it's just work.

And you don't ever get that place where you're able to just kind of ease into it. Well, I think we can. I think we have to be creative. And as I shared a few things with you in the last segment, with me, I stopped by the side of the road today and I watched a cowboy lassoing a calf. I just took a moment to watch that. I do music with my wife. I listen to Sinatra while I fold laundry. I do. I ask Gracie, when I cook too, she said, I really cook well when I listen to Sinatra. And I do.

The other night I tried a chicken Parmesan that I made from scratch, by the way, and it was quite good. And I find things that I can take pleasure in and enjoy that challenged me, that pushed me a little bit, but that I can do it within the confines of my task as a caregiver. I can't do some of the things that other people can do. I have to be close by and Gracie has a great many needs, but that doesn't mean that I am completely locked out of joy in living life. And even the work that I do, I can clean the kitchen or cook and clean the kitchen while I'm listening to music that I love.

I find things to bring me great engagement in the midst of my caregiving task. And I think that lines up with what it says in the book of Ecclesiastes. Now, I want you to listen to this passage right here.

Ecclesiastes 2, 24 through 25. What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow and his work is vexation. Even in the night, his heart does not rest. This is also vanity.

And how many of you all feel that way? All your days are full of sorrow and your work is vexation. But then he goes to the next verse. He says, there is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. And one translation says his labor and labor.

This also, I saw, is from the hand of God. For apart from him, who can eat or who can have an enjoyment? Or who can have an enjoyment? Can we find enjoyment in our toil, in our labor? Now, think about all the things that we do as caregivers. Can we find enjoyment in this? Scripture says we can't. In fact, there's nothing better for a person to do this. And it's also from the hand of God.

For apart from him, who can eat or have enjoyment? And so, is there a principle we can learn in this? How many of you know a little secret about caregivers? Many people don't know this, but I'm going to tell you all this, okay? That you don't have to tell anybody else. This should just be our secret, just you and me. But how many of you know that laundry is a big part of being a caregiver? Just show of hands. Now, if you're driving, keep both hands on the wheels.

How many of you all know this? Laundry is a very time-consuming part of being a caregiver. We just seem to go through a lot of laundry at our house. So what do you do about that? Does that become something that you can find enjoyment while doing? I'm going to tell you all something, and again, don't tell anybody else. This is just us, okay?

This is just us. Sometimes I'll iron the pillowcases and the sheets. I like ironing. Ironing can be quite cathartic for me. And I'll sit there, and I'll either put on something good to watch, or usually I will listen to great music, or I've always got a Bluetooth in my ear, so I'll talk to friends and so forth. Get up early in the morning, and I'll just iron, and make some calls. I've actually done interviews on media things and so forth while ironing, because there's really nothing better than getting into a bed at night with nice clean sheets and iron pillowcases, you know, starched. There's nothing better than that. You all know this.

But who wants to go to that kind of trouble? But for me, that's like what we talked about in the last segment. You put it in that fifth gear, I could just kind of coast, and my hands can work and I can let my mind enjoy something else, whether it's a conversation with friends or even doing an interview or listening to great music, whatever. I listen to comedy. Lots of things I do just to enjoy that, and I find that when I fold the laundry and put it away, and everything's done, it gives me great enjoyment. You take the wins where you can as a caregiver. You take the wins where you can as a caregiver, okay? Sometimes it's cleaning the microwave or doing a really bang-up job on cleaning the kitchen or whatever or making a great meal, and it's one of those things where you don't have to have these exotic things to herald his accomplishment. You can just enjoy the labor, the toil, if you will.

How many of you all believe that? That's what scripture says. I'm just reading it from the text.

That's what it says. One of the things that always frustrates me as a caregiver is that I can't take on big, long projects. I've got to sand the deck this summer. I've got to do it.

The pain is all messed up, and I've got to get out there and do it. I'm trying to figure out when and where to do that, because when I take on a project, I don't like to get into it and have to stop and start, stop and start, so I have to carefully pick the projects or carefully pick the time to do it, where I have somebody that can look after Gracie, because it's hard to come in and out of the house when you're covered in dirt and everything else. You trek in, you make a mess, then you've got to cook dinner and more laundry again. So there's a lot of planning that goes in. Again, I can't do the two-minute offense all the time.

I can't do that hurry-up offense all the time. I have to kind of think it through, but I can find things that give me great accomplishment, little by little, little by little, and I can take enjoyment in the work, in a job well done. And like I said, sometimes it's just the laundry, sometimes it's organizing my office, which is a bit challenging at times. I bring out the leaf blower for that one. And then other times, I'll get up in the morning, early in the morning, and I'll go saddle up and go on a short ride, maybe an hour and a half. Now that we have nice weather out here in Montana, I'm going to be doing that more. And I do that before Gracie gets up. So I come in, I've had a good ride, and it was, you know, the cool of the morning, and then I can go about my day and do the other things I need to do.

It doesn't have to be something that involves a big trip or big blocks of time. There are other there are other things that can be so satisfying for us, each of us, and I don't know what that is for you. You hear me promulgate a lot on this program to find that thing for you, whether it's gardening or, you know, I have a black thumb. Everything I touch just seems like I kill, but I've been trying to get better at this and trying to have a little bit more, pay a little bit more attention to plants and so forth, so I don't kill them all.

And Gracie's very good with them. I'm not, I don't have that kind of patience, and I just don't think that way, but I'm trying. And I do find enjoyment when you see a beautiful, you know, plant, there's some bulbs that she has that blossom and they're just gorgeous, and you can enjoy the labor. Again, it's what Scripture says. Staying with Ecclesiastes chapter three, look at this. There is a time for everything.

You all know this. The birds did a great song of this. There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens to be born, a time to die, time to plant, time to uproot, time to kill, time to heal, time to tear down, a time to build, a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones, and a time to gather, a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search, and a time to give up, a time to keep, and a time to throw away, a time to tear, and a time to mend, a time to be silent, and a time to speak, a time to love, and a time to hate, and a time for war, and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil?

Listen to what the text says. I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live, and listen to this in verse 13, that each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is the gift of God. Can you find satisfaction in all your toil and labor as a caregiver?

That's a hard question, isn't it? Because some of the things that we have to do seem relentless and grossly unfair and constraining, and yet I would say to you that this is the gift of God to find satisfaction in this. Have you asked God for this gift? Have you asked Him to show you how you can find enjoyment in this? We spent so much time asking for Him to take it away from us, but do we ever ask Him to help us find joy in it and satisfaction?

That's a hard question, isn't it? And maybe if somebody else asked you this, you would probably balk at it a little bit, but I've been doing this for 36 years, and I have learned, it is my experience, that there is joy in this. It takes a little humility a little insight, a little courage, a little faith, not a lot of all these things, just a little bit, to explore and see whether or not you can have this in the midst of this. I spent way too many years pleading and then demanding that God fix this, and I cringe over those prayers. But I believe this verse in Ecclesiastes would say it's a gift of God, to have that joy in the midst of our labor, and are we willing to trust it with all of this and see what we can do in the midst of all these things to find a little bit of peace and to get in that fifth gear and not be so reactive. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.