I Surrender All

Live on American Family Radio, this is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, and we're so glad that you are with us. More than 65 million Americans right now are serving as a family caregiver for someone who has special needs, somebody who has a traumatic event in their life, some type of chronic disease, some type of addiction, alcoholism. There's all types of different afflictions, but there's always a caregiver, and maybe that's you. If so, we're glad that you're with us. If you want to be a part of the program, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 to be a part of the program, or you can go out to Facebook Live and watch us at Hope for the Caregiver, Hope for the Caregiver on our Facebook page.

We think sometimes it works for us, and sometimes it becomes a little bit challenging. But there's lots of different ways, and then of course our podcast is available 24-7. We put it out there for free. Please take advantage of it. Hope for the Caregiver is the name of the podcast.

Wherever you stream podcasts, just do a search on it, and it'll be there for you, and we'd love to have you listen and share it. We put out now well over 600 episodes and bonus stuff and music and all kinds of things for the family caregiver. Speaking of music, I'd like to start off with a hymn that's going to be familiar to a lot of you, but there's a particular reason why I'm using this. I'll step over here to the caregiver keyboard here. See if you know this hymn, and if you do, give me a call. 888-589-8840, and we'll talk about why this hymn means something to the family caregiver. 988-589-8840, and we'll talk about why this hymn is so important to the family caregiver. That's going to be a very familiar hymn to a lot of you. Some of you may not have heard it. I get letters. I got a letter in this week from a lady who just gushed about how much she appreciates these hymns. Her name is Connie. Connie, if you listen today, thank you for your kind letter, but how much she appreciates these hymns.

I was talking to someone else about this, the same thing, and I have a lot of people in this audience who know these things from way back, and then I get younger people who have no idea what these hymns are, which is sad, but that's okay. We're going to help fix that problem. We're going to reintroduce them to some, and we're going to introduce them to others, and we'd love to hear your thoughts on that, but I want to talk about why I love that hymn and why that is going to mean something to us as a family caregiver. 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. Before we get into all that and before I get into your phone calls and so forth, I want to share a thought I've been having for a while now. When a storm is coming and you see the news, particularly on the Gulf Coast, and you see this a lot. My wife grew up on the Gulf Coast, and so this is a pretty common occurrence. You'll see tons of media outlets that are showing footage of people placing plywood on homes and businesses and everything else and they're hunkering down. Caregiving is its own storm, and although sometimes we can receive advance notice, caregiving can often descend like a tornado.

We saw these devastating tornadoes that hit over there in the south just several weeks ago. The devastation can last of these storms of the storm of caregiving for a lifetime. If cameras followed caregivers around, many of our daily activities might look like the boarding up of businesses and homes. Imagine trying to build a five-year plan.

People always say, where do you see yourself in five years and that kind of stuff when you're talking about business and goals and life goals and so forth. Imagine trying to do that while simultaneously trying to survive a hurricane. Yet that's what a lot of caregivers are doing. And the aftermath of hurricanes usually clears the air.

There's a lot of, you know, the air has been, it feels real pristine and nice and there's a lot of sun shines. You can go out there and start rebuilding, but the caregiving storm usually ends at a cemetery. And the path to rebuilding after that can be a little bit murky and even filled with desolation. Yet there is a path. There is a path. And that's what I want to talk about throughout the show today.

There is a path. It's called endurance. And I was struggling with this some time ago and I was talking to a pastor friend of mine down in South Carolina. And he said something to me that really resonated deeply. And I felt like maybe some of you all may find it meaningful as well. Because I was struggling because, you know, where's this going? How am I going to be able to ever accomplish? Or I was looking at what I still had left to do or all the work that must be done. And I just felt like I was just not achieving the success and moving forward and, you know, building a business, being able to put away savings, you know, any of those kinds of things that you kind of plan for long-term in your life. And through this caregiving journey of mine, which is now 35 years, it's kind of hard to plan.

You know, I'm boarding up a home in a hurricane while trying to somehow build a business, that kind of thing. And it was real, it was kind of a frustrating moment for me. And he said something, he said, perseverance is its own success. Perseverance is its own success.

And I've chewed on that for some time. And I felt like maybe that's something that some of you all might want to hear this morning and understand that you may be hard on yourself, you may be looking at yourself with a sense of failure or that you haven't accomplished this, you haven't accomplished this, but you are persevering. Inburance is a word that is, it doesn't sell as well as break through and get your big blessing and all those kinds of things.

It doesn't sell as well. But yet that is a word that is, the theme of it is all throughout scripture of endurance, enduring, enduring. The challenges of caregiving, what we face every day as a caregiver, forges a resilience. It forges a resolve.

And that resilience and that resolve spills into every area of our life as caregivers. You may not see it at the time. You remember the karate kid, you know, wax on, wax off, paint the fence, sand the floor. Mr. Miyagi was teaching Daniel these skills and Daniel didn't realize that. He just thought he was doing manual labor. He thought he was doing drudge work. It was very uncomfortable for him. And then all of a sudden through a teachable moment, he realized that he was learning tremendous skills in karate.

And I'm a second degree black belt myself. And I understand that principle that it seems drudgery at the time, but it's developing muscle memories, developing skill sets that we don't even understand and may not for some time. And we ask, how do we get out of this?

But the question becomes, what are we becoming through this? We're going to talk about that moment when we come back. This is Hope for the Caregiver.

We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger.

This is the program for you as a family caregiver. That's Gracie. And I love that song and it ties into what we're talking about today. And I want to get into our hymn in just a moment. It's our hymn today is one that's very familiar to a lot of people. And it's, but it's got a line in it that I want us to hang on to because part of the way we endure is recognizing what we have and don't have responsibility for what is ours and what is not ours. And that's what this hymn is.

I'll just play a little bit of it and then we'll get to it in just a minute here. And there's a reason I'm playing that particular hymn written by a fellow named J.W. Van Deventer, I believe. I think he's from Michigan. He was, I think he comes from a Dutch family and used to be a public school teacher. Then he went into the ministry. Oh, that we had more public school teachers that wrote hymns like that because it would, it would change our culture.

888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 if you know that particular hymn. And I want to touch base what I was talking about in the A block here of this, this notion that we as caregivers are often trying to plan out our lives, our businesses, whatever life goals, whatever we have while boarding up homes, preparing for a hurricane or in the middle of the hurricane. And I know how that feels and it feels very frustrating at times because you feel like I'm not getting, I'm not gaining any ground.

I'm just not drowning. But perseverance is its own success. Perseverance is its own success. And what does that mean to us as caregivers? You know, there are entire marketing ads that promote tempting versions of success, of what success looks like. I mean, entire marketing ads for this, but they over time, those things ring kind of hollow, but perseverance, it stands the test of time.

Paul talked about this in Romans and he said, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance and perseverance, character and character, hope. And so I would like to offer this to you all, just fellow caregivers, one caregiver to another, that it is okay for you to take a moment and reflect on the fact that you're persevering in this. This is a storm.

Make no mistake about it. Caregiving is a storm and it is a relentless storm. And it's often very much a storm without mercy. And it doesn't seem fair at times.

It just, the winds are howling. It is very uncomfortable and it is hard to plan. It's hard to plan a grocery list at times, but you are persevering in this. And I want to encourage you on that from somebody who is doing it with you.

And I look at a lot of different, I'm going to be very careful to say this because I don't want to get in trouble. So y'all don't tell anybody I'm about to say this, but there are a lot of different self-help type of folks that do programs and so forth. And they go out and they achieve this and this and this and this, and then they go out and tell others how to do it now that they've achieved it, particularly with money and things such as that. I don't know that I've achieved anything other than perseverance. I'm still doing this.

This is not something I've done and I look back on and reflect on. This is something I'm doing right now. And so I'm in the trenches with you and these are things I'm kind of pondering on and thinking on that sustain me and equip me to do this. And that's why I love this particular hymn. And I, because it's a starting point and it seems almost a little bit like I'm coming at this thing backwards, but I'm not because this is the starting point of realizing what is mine and what is not mine.

And so let me go to a couple of callers here. And if you know the hymn and somebody else tells you before I get to your phone call, it's all right, hang on. Because the point is not to see how many people necessarily know the hymn. I want to know why it's important to you, what it does for you on a soul level, what this hymn means to you and why you feel drawn to it.

Because the more we connect to these great texts, the more that we can draw strength from them in the middle of our storm. So let's go to Trinity, South Carolina. Trinity, good morning.

How are you feeling? I'm doing a happy dance because for once I actually know the hymn. So I knew that would bring you joy. Long time, long time listener and caller to this program. And I thank you for that, by the way.

Yeah. And your screener asked if I was a caregiver and I just said, no, I've known Peter since he was 14. But there's a story for me on this song.

Our mutual friend, Rosie, was making a big change in life and she was moving to Farmwell Center, which is, it was a Presbyterian home for children, and she's going to be a house mother. And I was cross stitching for her, I surrender all. And because God really wanted to teach me something, I was all done and I forgot one of the Rs. And I think I forgot the D. So it became I surrender all. I surrender.

Even in Possum Kingdom isn't acceptable. So I had to read to it. So God was leaning on me to surrender and to pay attention. And the brief times in my life, I've been a caregiver to my children's father and I would sit there and he'd be cursing me and yelling at me. And I endured those brief hours, but I still can't say I was a caregiver.

I was doing that for my son, who was the primary caregiver. But anyway, you did, you showed up and if you take, if you take the curse, a lot of people don't realize how much a part of so many caregivers lives involves swearing. You know, there's a lot of caregivers who take it on the chin with the most horrific things that come out of somebody's mouth. And sometimes we do it ourselves.

But I've talked to so many caregivers who are talking with somebody that they've known for a lifetime and all of a sudden just, it's like they come down with a case of Tourette's syndrome as well. And it's harsh, it's brutal, it's ugly. And yet you, you know, you sit there, you took it. And that's part of that surrendering process. And I think that I'm glad you knew the song and I'm going to jump on the calls to others because it went away into this. This hymn evidently strikes a chord with a lot of people. And so I love that, but I surrender, I surrender all. Is that how you said that?

When you left out the D and the R? I surrender. All right.

Well, now that's forever in my brain now and I can't get it out. I surrender all. Well, thank you for the call very much. And it's always a treat to hear your voice.

And I thank you very much for that. And, uh, let me go to Amos in Illinois. Amos, Amos, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good, brother. I'm feeling good. How are you doing?

You know, I think I'm all right. It was a little chilly this morning in my commute down the Hill to do the show at the, at the studio here. And uh, uh, it's 21 degrees where I am. What about where you are? Oh, I just finished shoveling snow and about to go to another house to shovel.

So it's, it's, it's doing its thing. It's doing, you know, where, where, where in Illinois are you Amos? Uh, Rock Island, right on the border of Iowa, Illinois. You know, I, um, I live in Montana where we have, we're no stranger to winters, but man, the coldest I've ever been is in Illinois in the winter time up there in Chicago area. And that, what that wind comes off that Lake and man, I tell you what it gets cold Amos, you know, that's, that, that's chilly. Well, tell me about this song and this hymn and tell me what it means to you. Well, I was going through my divorce, uh, and I was really depressed and I mean, suicidal depressed. And thankfully this song stayed on my heart and the more and more that I sang it, the more and more depression came up often. And it helped me to realize that without God, you really can't find a purpose to keep going anyway. So the better I felt was the more I tried to surrender, not saying I still don't struggle, but man, that song was a blessing and I've sang it everywhere I went. Family was getting tired of hearing it, but I love that song still to this day. I just love it.

Just love it. Well, Amos, that's the whole point of what I'm talking about this morning. That's how you persevered in this thing. And you, you came to this realization that the way you're going to endure this is you're going to surrender your life, your dreams. You had a marriage that was this tornado basically tore your marriage apart, a storm tore your marriage apart, and you're hanging on to these, these simple phrases in these hymns. And, and I, I, I never ceased to go one week when I don't hear from multiple people about how much they appreciate me talking about these hymns because they seem to be, nobody seems to be talking about them as much.

They, they, they, the, these things are getting dust on them and I'm thinking, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. And here you are telling me just this one hymn sustains you a very painful time in your life and continues to do so. And what, what does it mean to you, Amos, to surrender?

What does that, what does that look like to you? What does that mean to you? Well, a lot of us, we'd like to go to church and say, Jesus is my savior, but we miss out. He's supposed to be my Lord as well. And when I surrendered, that means now the decision-making is supposed to be based on what he wants and what his word is and what his purpose is for my life. So I'm trying to dig more into that because sometimes I'm on a good path and I know I'm trying to follow it. Then the next day, well, I didn't surrender and I find out I mess up when I'm not surrendered.

So it's about becoming captives for Christ. The apostle Paul says that, that when I surrender, when I, uh, die to myself daily, it's not me who lives anymore, but Christ who lives in me. And if we can do that, we will stop offending one another. We stopped hurting each other. We would stop divorcing.

We would, that surrender, the brothers and sisters inside the body would really be able to show the world the love of Christ. Amos has beautifully said, beautifully said, and I want you to know how much that means to me as a caregiver to hear you say that because you're encouraging me with those words. And I'm very, very, very grateful that you took the time to call in, that you listened to the program. So thank you so much, Amos, and I hope you'll keep listening and keep calling in because I want to hear what you got to say. We've got to go to a break. This is Peter Rosenberg. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope as a Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberg. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. And the journey we're on together is for us to be healthier, calmer, and dare I say it, even joyful while we serve as a caregiver. Many of us have to look at very heartbreaking realities of a loved one that is struggling. How do we stay strong in this? How do we stay focused in this?

How do we deal with the storm that is caregiving? And it starts with surrendering. And that's what our hymn was today. And let's go to Dawn in Indiana. Dawn, good morning, Dawn. How are you feeling? How are you feeling, Dawn? I'm, I'm feeling well, what I'm doing, I'm on the road in Indiana, headed to Milwaukee. My dad is, hello, are you there?

Yeah. Are you on speakerphone or are you on speakerphone or Bluetooth? No, I'm not on speakerphone. Can you hear me? Alright, well be careful, be careful. I can hear you, but I want you to be careful while you're driving. Oh yeah, you bet I am. It's the road to good. Alright. Okay, good, good. Yeah, I'm headed north.

My father, he's known Christ all his life, inspiration to me. And he's in, he's in like a dementia ward. My mom is in the same place, kind of a, a care center. Memory care? Memory care center? Yeah, yeah, kind of a memory care center.

And he's probably on a, they just put him on medicine that would give him relief. And my sister was a geriatric nurse for about 35 years. She's about a mile away from him. So she told us we need to gather. And so I'm on my way to do that with my two brothers and my sister, I'll be all together. And you know, we're all through, all four believers have been, as long as I can remember. And dad, he was both a pediatrician and an allergist and he would share Christ with patients and took a lot of guff because he stood for Christ, but always loved Christian radio.

And we remember when Don Wallman started years ago and had listened to AFR for decades. And I just thank God for you. Help me understand, you're heading up now to gather for the final time as your family. Is that what you're saying to me? Yes. Yes.

As far as we know, this is probably going to be the final days of my dad on this earth. How are you doing with that, Don? Stakeful. Blessed. Very blessed. That he loved the Lord. And always loved him. And always tried to be the light for our family. And praise God, all four of us kids are following the Lord.

And now we're trying to raise the next generation and even their children. Well, you, you obviously know the name, you know, the, the, this song, cause it says that the thing here that, you know, the name of this hymn. Tell me the name of this hymn. I surrender all. And is that a hymn that your dad knew well? Wow.

Yes, sirree. Do you guys like, do you guys as a family like to sing? Oh, we do.

We, we, uh, we really do. My wife sang for years and he sung on worship teams. I actually was in the pastorate for about 16 years and loved every minute of it. You think you guys can, uh, can gather around his bed and just sing to him, get a hymnal somewhere and just sing to him?

Yes. I think that's a wonderful idea. We did that with several family members and it, it really is an extraordinary thing to do when a family comes around and you're singing hymns as you safely deliver your dad to Jesus. And, um, I would, what, what's a hymn that you like?

It's a hymn that you you'd like to sing around your dad's bed. Uh, one day, one day. Yep. That's a great one.

That's a great one. It is. As you're driving up there, how much longer do you got to get to Milwaukee?

Oh, about three hours. As you're driving up there, I would, I would love to just offer this to you. Just ask the Lord to give you a list of hymns and start singing them now and, um, just recall them to your mind and, uh, and then have them. And then when you get with your family, just sit around and just, just keep singing, just keep singing. And I think you'll find it.

I think you'll find that it'll be a, an incredible experience. I've had that when, when, um, my wife's grandmother was passing away and she was very close with her grandmother and we went over there and I, uh, she and her sister were, there was just only two grandchildren was she and her sister. And, uh, I stepped out of the room and I went down into the facility and they had a keyboard somewhere and I brought it back to the room.

I didn't really ask permission. I just brought it back and I set it up in her room and I played and her dad and her sister, her sister and her aunt, her dad's sister, uh, they all saying, and I think we must have sung and played for about five or six hours. Wow. And it was, um, it was, uh, I played for a very long time and just played and then sometimes they would stop singing for a minute and then just, they'll just sit there. And, um, and, and it was just prayers and singing and it was a really meaningful experience. And, um, you know, and, and those are, those are, those are treasured moments, Dawn. And I, I, I, uh, I, it's a holy moment. It's a sacred moment with you and your family, you know, and, and your dad evidently showed you all how to face life and now he's also showed you all how to face death. Yes.

Yes. Well, my mom is there and she still plays piano for, for groups each week in the, in the care center. Well, see if you can wheel a keyboard into your dad's room. I don't know if they'll let you do that or not, but, but I did it. And, and, um, the nice thing about today's world is that you can, um, you can go out online and download all the, the text of the hymns and so forth. So everybody could be singing and, and pick out a, pick out a couple of songs that you know, that, that, that have meant something to you all and, and sing them and, and rejoice. And, uh, and you could start off with this one if you want, if I surrender all, because that's what he did.

He surrendered it all. And as caregivers, that's our first, that's our launching point is to realize that we don't control this. This is not mine. I didn't do this to my wife.

You didn't do this to your dad. This is part of this broken world. We can't undo it.

We can trust that God is working through it. And that that's what that whole line means. I surrender all. We always think of that hymn as an invitation hymn, and they play it, you know, a hundred thousand times when having a church service and wanting people to walk out and so forth. But I look at that is when you are, uh, mopping, doing laundry, cleaning up a mess, uh, you stayed up late at night, you're having to plan the menus, you have to cook and clean up and everything else. And at those moments, that's when that hymn comes to my mind as well as a caregiver. And as you are looking at your father's, uh, last days here, you can recognize that, that he belongs to God and he is, uh, he has been faithful to serve him and, um, you can rejoice in that as we, but we grieve with you as well.

And, and I think, um, we've been talking about this on the program a little bit and I've been writing about this. Uh, Jesus said, blessed are those who mourn for, they shall be comforted, but it's, you're not going to get any comfort. You're not mourning. If you're raging out and you're despairing, the comfort will come when we mourn and mourning means accepting it for what it is and trusting God with this brokenness.

Um, and the comfort does come. And so it sounds so much like you guys are modeling this as a family that you're mourning. You're not raging about it. You're not despairing about it. You're mourning and you're grieving, but that's when you'll see that the Holy Spirit who is the comforter will indeed comfort you in this.

And it's such a beautiful picture of you and your siblings sitting around your dad with your mom there. And you're just singing hymns. And, um, you watch and see if it doesn't affect the staff at this place as well too, I will. I'll try to get back to you too, Peter. Would you let me know, please do. And actually, you know what, if you'll hang on the line, do you, um, how good are you with technology?

Can you, do you download songs and hymns and so forth? Uh, yeah. And if I, if I don't have a trouble, all my kids can help me. Groucho Marx used to say, it's so easy. A child of five can do it. Somebody give me a child of five.

So if you, um, if you'll hang on, I want to get your information and I want to connect you up. I got a CD that I put out called songs for the caregivers. It's just filled with hymns and it's, you can download it.

I don't know if I can get it to you in the mail, um, fast enough, but it can be downloaded wherever music is streamed. And it's just, Gracie sings about five or six of the songs. The rest of them is just piano instrumental. And it's the songs that you're going to find, I think meaningful. Uh, there's a, a live version of, of the old rugged cross with, um, uh, it's a medley of old rugged cross and near the cross that a friend of mine and I did, he's playing the violin and we did it live at church and we even left in some of the clanking in the church because it was, he played so beautifully on the violin and, um, but it's just, it's just music that, that soothes your soul. And I have a lot of people who play that just round the clock, um, while, while their loved one is passing away.

We did this for, for my mother-in-law and she just had it running, uh, just, just looped. And it was, uh, it was just, well, these hymns mean something, you know, this Dawn, you know, these songs, they mean something to us at these moments. So we thank you for sharing a little bit of your family's journey with us this morning. Uh, we'll be lifting you up in prayer as well. And would you, would, when the dust settles, would you call us back and just share some of those experiences?

Cause I think it'll give a lot of hope to others as well. Yes, I can appreciate it. I turned on the radio to head this direction and listen to AFR a lot, lots, and there you are just a God. Well, well, you're, you're very gracious to spend this time with us this morning. I know that you've got a three hour journey that is going to be filled with a lot of different emotions ahead of you. And, um, but, uh, I think that God will bring these hymns to your mind and, um, and sing it.

Just sing them out with everything you got. Then sings my soul, my savior, God to thee. Sing it out Dawn and rejoice that your father is eternally kept in Christ as are you.

And we're grateful for you. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver. This is the program for you as a family caregiver through whatever storm you're going through. 888-589-8840. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization standing with hope. When my wife, Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager, and she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore.

What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give.

They go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standing with hope. Welcome back to Hope of the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberg. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. And by the way, you heard our story with what we're doing with prosthetics. We bought several more gallons of resin to make the sockets. We can recycle prosthetic limbs through a program we have at a prison in Arizona, um, run by a company called CoreCivic. And the inmates at the prison volunteer to disassemble the limbs for us. And we can recycle the feet, the knees, the pylons, the screws, the adapters, connectors, the prosthetic socks, some of the liners, some of the sleeves, but we always have to buy resin and other materials that are used to make a brand new socket for that patient.

And we did that this week. Um, we got a whole bunch of supplies finally arrived there in Ghana with all the shipping stuff that's going on. And we also have a patient now we're looking at in Cameroon and we had our first patient in Kenya last year.

We mostly work out of Ghana and then it spills into some in Nigeria, but we would welcome your help. If you, if you want to get involved with that, uh, please share the word that people can recycle prosthetic limb. So if you know somebody who's an amputee or somebody who's a prosthetist or somebody who has a relative that's an amputee, let them know that, that we can recycle prosthetic limbs, children that outgrow them and so forth.

We really need pediatric ones as well. So standingwithhope.com, which is the presenting sponsor of this program. I, I want to go to Debbie in Oklahoma. Let's see. Debbie, good morning. How are you feeling? Hello. Can you hear me? I can.

I can. Good morning, Debbie. How are you feeling? Hey, I'm great this morning.

Doing well. Well, did you, did you know that song Debbie? Oh, you bet I did. I grew up going to church with my family and parents and grandparents and I stood on the pews and sang songs before I could read. And I remember the song I surrender all. And it's very dear to my heart because it just reminds me of the church I grew up in and my family and going to church there. And I do believe that this was the song that played when I went down and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.

I really do. Well, that, that, that is a testimony for so many people. This song has prompted that and, and this, uh, this man, this pastor Judson Van Deventer who wrote this, you know, I imagine when we all get to heaven, there's, it's going to be a, uh, quite a line to say hello to him too, you know, cause he's a, what a great him that he wrote. And as we all sing and shout the victory, tell me, uh, tell me who you're caregiving for. Uh, my husband, he's, uh, quite a bit older than I am. And then 2015 he's diagnosed with dementia. He's, um, a couple of years ago we specified it to Lewy body dementia and, and he is still at home.

I have not wanted to put him in a facility or anything and it's just gotten increasingly more difficult to take care of him. Um, and especially over the last two years with the pandemic, you know, we, and he, he didn't like getting out and going anywhere anyway, but it's really been difficult the last couple of years. But this past year in uh, August, my daughter, she got married and I had a lot of things going on in my life at that time trying to prepare for her wedding and you know, just taking care of all kinds of details plus dealing with my husband and we survived the wedding. We, well, I say we survived the wedding.

I ended up getting COVID at the wedding and my husband came down with it the following week after I was diagnosed with it. And, um, things were just very, very difficult at that time. He was hallucinating a lot, you know, stumbling, falling.

There's just a lot of stuff going on. And I was at the point where I needed help. I didn't know where to turn. I didn't know what to do.

And I, my prayer to life, I pray, but I pray the best when I go into my closet, shut the door, turn the light off and get down on my knees and talk to God. And at that point I, that's what I did. I was, I went in, I was just like, dear Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. And I had really kind of been probably putting off decisions, you know, as far as where to go with my husband, what to do and that kind of thing, help to get. And I just told God, I said, I can't do this.

I do not know how to do it. And I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, went down the wrong path and you know, there's always consequences for that. And I, I told him, I said, Lord, I need your help. I do not know what to do.

I do not know what steps to take. And Lord, you know that I am sometimes stick headed and don't always know what you're showing me. So I, I said, please slap me upside the head with what I need to do.

Show me your steps, show me what I need to do. And he did, he did. Things started blowing the next few days. I got my husband signed up with hospice and I have help now that comes in three days a week, giving him showers. There's a nurse that comes. I found a lady, my neighbor lady, her mother-in-law is at a private nursing center in nearby town. This lady only takes care of about six people in her home, or it's not her home, but a home, you know, just a regular home.

And she takes care of about six people and I'm able to take him there on a daily basis if I want to, or however many days a week. And it's just been fantastic. It's been fantastic.

I have toured local nursing home facilities, memory care units, and I came away with a terrible feeling in my gut. And when I found this place, I just, I knew it was God at work. God has. Well, I'm glad you found this. I want to circle back to something that you said, Debbie, that when you go into your closet, did you hear our program last week? No, you know, this is the first time I've listened to your program. Well, Oh, well, thank you.

Welcome. Last week I had a young man. Well, he's not young. He's younger than me.

I've known him since he was a kid. I still think of him as a 13 year old, but he's 43, but he has down syndrome and you can go out and get the podcast and listen to it because he talked about his prayer closet, his room. He has a war room, he calls it, and that's where he goes and he shuts the door and he puts all his prayer requests on the wall.

He prays in solitude and quiet and he has down syndrome. And this is, it was just such a, it just reminded me of that when you said that. And I think that is the time when God meets us, when we get along, we get along with our thoughts and with God and we sit still and we be still. I think so many times for me as a caregiver, I was like, Lord bless this mess that I've created a lot of times, but I think the place that God would have us go to is just to be still and to be still and know that he is God.

That's what it says. And Gracie sings on one of the CDs we've done, the songs for the caregivers, she sings, be still my soul. And those are those moments when we are telling ourselves to be still so that we can hear from God, so that we can properly evaluate all these things that are going on. And I come back to the whole purpose of this program, Debbie, since you're brand new to it, I'll reiterate this with you and then for anyone else who's listening that's brand new.

There are a lot of different programs you have out there, self-help for this and talk about caregiving and so forth. What makes us unique here is that I am convinced that if a caregiver's heart is a train wreck, it doesn't matter how many memory care centers you know about it, how many caregiving tips you get. If our heart's a train wreck, we're not going to make good decisions no matter how much information we have. It always comes back to us being settled in our spirit and trusting in God.

I surrender all recognizing that I am not in charge of this. That's why I did this hymn. And I do a hymn usually every week that reiterates some of these things that we're talking about because I've found that the more settled I am in my heart, the better equipped I am to take care of my wife.

And I've been doing this now for more than 35 years. And since you're new, I'll tell you, she's facing her 82nd operation and both of her legs are gone. She's had over 100 doctors treat her. It's ongoing at 150 other smaller procedures that she's had and it doesn't end. It's relentless, all from the courage she had.

Well, she doesn't. Yeah. And that's what we talk about. But how do you navigate something like that without losing your mind? Well, I'm implying that I didn't lose my mind. I've lost my mind on a couple of occasions, but fortunately people brought it back to me and we go back to these hymns, we go back to scripture and settle ourselves down so that we can make these good decisions.

So if you go into these places and you get a check in your gut that says, you know, I don't think this is the right place for my husband, you're going to be in a much better position to make those decisions if you're not just living in a squirrel cage in your mind. And so the fact that you go into your room, you shut the door, you're in the quiet, you're on your knees and you're just being alone with God. That is such an amazing picture of how a caregiving journey is strengthened and endured and how you could persevere. So thank you for sharing that with me.

You're welcome. I don't know how people do life without God. It just doesn't make sense in my mind. So, and in this, I surrender all, you know, there's a line, I will ever love and trust him in his presence, daily live. Let me feel the Holy Spirit, truly know that thou art mine.

And when you surrender like that to God, you do feel his spirit, you feel it. And he guides you if you will only listen and obey. Absolutely.

Absolutely. And he will, and he says, thy word is a lamp unto my feet, not a searchlight. So he's not going to give you the five-year plan. He's going to just deal with you today because that's what he says. Give us this day our daily bread. Jesus said, this is how you pray.

Give us this day. And so sometimes that's all we have. Sometimes it's this hour. And, but you have reminded us of this great hymn and truth in your own life, that picture of you going into your closet and pray. So Debbie, thank you. We're out of time. I got to go.

This is Hope for the Caregiver, hopeforthecaregiver.com for more information. We'll see you next time.