What Anchors You?

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Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you? www.caregiverlegal.com. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one program for you as a family caregiver.

There are more than 65 million Americans right now that are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse, disaster. Maybe it's an aging parent. Maybe it's a special needs child. Maybe your loved one had some type of traumatic event or has some type of disease that has impaired them. Maybe it's mental illness. Maybe it's addiction.

Maybe it's alcoholism. Whatever the chronic impairment, there's always a caregiver, and if that's you, then you're in the right place, and we're glad that you're here. This program is specifically designed to speak to the troubled heart of the family caregiver, and after doing this now for a lifetime, I understand those high-stress places, those despairing places, those fearful places, those guilt-ridden places, those resentful places that we can get to very easily, and if our mind is a squirrel cage, what kind of decisions do you think we're going to make? If the caregiver's heart is in such a mess, how are we going to function in these high-stress moments? And what happens to our loved one if we lose our job? If we become bankrupt or our health starts to fail or we're so emotionally distraught and yet we're still called upon to make business, financial, and long-term decisions, we've got to settle ourselves down and think clearly, but how do you do that as a family caregiver, particularly when it's just relentless? It never stops. Not just the caregiving, but the the challenges that come from this. There's always a crisis. There's family members or friends that want to sit on the sidelines and tell you how to do it better, or tell you what you should have done, or tell you why God has done this to you, or whatever.

All those things kind of gang up on you and beat you down. This show is for you. This show is designed to speak to those issues, and I'm so glad that you're here. Now in my 36th year as a caregiver, it's hard to believe. I've been doing this since the cold war, the first one, and so I'm bringing a lifetime of this to offer some insights.

I've learned every bit of it the hard way, and I want to be able to speak to your heart as well and say, you know what, here's a path through this. Here's what safe ground looks like. You know, one of the things as I've been going through this lengthy surgery with my wife, her 82nd and 83rd.

We didn't plan on the 83rd, but it jumped in there with us. You ever notice that during extended hospital stays, you're surrounded by faceless people because everybody's in mask, and then you've got these long nights where loneliness and fear serve as your constant companion. How many of you have made that long walk to the hospital parking lot? During those times, it's so easy for us. We're prone to this, to feeling disconnected and adrift, and we don't really kind of, we don't feel settled in our spirits and going through the hospital elevators and all these kind of things, back and forth.

And it's just, you can get very, very disoriented. And I know for me that I long for recognizable landmarks that signal a safe harbor for me. And I have to, I need to re-anchor myself. And I'm finding that I have to re-anchor in a storm. My brother-in-law has a boat and he lives on the water down in Florida in a bay and they have to, they can't leave it tied up at the dock when hurricanes come, so forth. They have to get it out in the water a little deeper and they have to especially anchor it so it can handle the waves and so forth that coming in.

And that's what it feels like for us as caregivers. We're not able to have the luxury of just tying it off at a dock. We got to get it away from the dock sometimes because the storm will beat it against it. So we have to do all kinds of sea anchors and things such as that.

And I'm not a sailor, so I don't know these things, but I've always been intrigued by how that's done. Well, that's us as caregivers. And we don't get the luxury of just having a nice little tie off and okay, we're good. Usually there's 17 things, you know, blowing at us and rain is pelting our face and we're having a hard time being able to see while we're trying to scramble to anchor ourselves.

But I found that for me as a caregiver, it doesn't really have to be something very complicated to anchor myself. And during this time in Denver, I did something. Now, I live in Montana, but I grew up in the South. I'm a child of the South. I was born in South Carolina, and I spent all my life in the South. I spent 35 years living in Nashville.

35 years living in Nashville. I love Waffle House. I am proud to admit that.

I love it. I'm not sure I want to be friends with people that don't love Waffle House. I love Waffle House. And there's a Waffle House that is right near where we used to live. It was just right across the interstate.

We would go there maybe a mile and a half away, tops. And the same crew worked there for years. In fact, most of them are still there.

One of them's been there for 40 years. We went over there with our kids when they were just little kids. And now we still go over there. In fact, I was just back in Nashville during this time while Gracie's been in the hospital and I had to go on a marathon trip to take our car and our dogs to our son who still lives there. And we went to that same Waffle House. I love Waffle House.

So while I was in Denver with this surgery with Gracie, well they have Waffle Houses in Denver. They don't have one in the entire state of Montana. We don't have a Chick-fil-A. We don't have an In-N-Out Burger. We don't have a Waffle House.

It's tough sometimes for a Southern boy. And I went into this Waffle House. And all, I didn't know anybody there, but it all felt familiar. The sights, the smells, the taste, the clanging around. I could close my eyes and I was sitting with my wife and my kids back in that familiar Waffle House in Nashville. I could tell how they ordered out the pull one bacon, you know, that kind of stuff. And I ordered, you know, scattered, smothered, diced for my hash browns, extra crispy. And for just a few moments I felt connected.

It anchored me. Something familiar. Waffle House.

And I got a takeout order and took it over to the hospital to share it with Gracie, which when I show up with Waffle House, you know, at the hospital, I mean, I get a big smile. We can't always change the disorienting circumstances that we find ourselves in. And we're going to be there. We're going to find those places that we are just all over the map, but we can find new ways to connect to things that settle our hearts. We may have to be a little bit creative.

That's all right. We're creative, resourceful people. We caregivers are. But, you know, sometimes it's something as simple as a waffle. Now in Gracie's case, there's always pecans involved. I mean, how many of you all like to go to Waffle House and get one with pecans? Now Gracie likes it with pecans and chocolate chip.

But the time she's done with it, it's more of a cake, but that's what she likes. But I can't explain it any better than that, that I just went in there and during all the unsettledness, I just went into a Waffle House and it felt like home. It felt comfortable.

It felt like I was connected. Trace Atkins, you know, the country, he's got that big old deep voice and I really like him a lot. He seems to be a great guy.

I don't know him, but I really like him a lot, his music and just what I've seen of him. But he had a great quote. He said, I've always loved Waffle House. I try to imitate him. I can't do it. I can't get down that low.

He's down in the basement. He said, I've always loved Waffle House. It's been like an oasis in the desert many times late at night after one of my concerts.

Isn't that a great quote? What can you find in your life right now and whatever craziness is going on that settles you down, that just connects you? Maybe it's something as simple as a Waffle House. Maybe it's a park that you like and you just need to stop by and just sit there for a moment. I looked at the geese. There's a lot of them there at the hospital and they were there hanging out and I just sit and look at them for a few minutes.

Whatever it is, find something that connects you and settles your heart down. This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger.

We'll be right back. There's more to go. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. If you want to be a part of the program, if you've got thoughts, you've got comments, you want us to address something specifically on the show, go to hopeforthecaregiver.com.

There's a little form there. You can fill it out and if you want it, we'd even call you from the program. Put your number in there and we'll do the best we can with that, but we'll certainly talk about what's on your heart and address it to the best of our abilities. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. This program is for you as a family caregiver. Please take advantage of it. I love what we get to do here and I didn't have anything like this and there really is still no other program like that. This is the program. This is the show for the family caregivers. Other places may give you tips and so forth.

I don't do tips. Not very often. I speak straight to the heart of a caregiver to help us settle down a little bit so that we can live a calmer, healthier, and dare I say it, a more joyful life. I'm going to step over to the caregiver keyboard here for a moment and I'm going to play a song.

You know how much I love these hymns. Let me tell you, first off, let me tell you about this guy. His name is Dr. Ray Palmer. You ever heard of him? You ever heard of Dr. Ray Palmer? He was back in the 1800s and he wrote this poem and he took it to this guy named Dr. Lowell Mason.

Now Ray Palmer had his doctorate in theology. Lowell Mason had his doctorate in music and Lowell Mason is called the father of American church music. He wrote a lot of great hymns that you probably know. Nearer my God to thee.

Blessed be the tie that binds. When I survey the wondrous cross, Isaac Watts wrote that lyric but Lowell Mason wrote that amazing tune. I mean it was kind of an American tune kind of thing that he adapted for that song. And when Lowell Mason heard, Ray Palmer gave him the lyrics.

He gave it in his little notepad. He had a leather notebook or something and he gave it to him and he took it home and he looked at it and he was like so moved and he went and wrote this tune which is called Olivette. And it's the only tune that has accompanied these amazing lyrics. And so I wanted to play this for you today to present this hymn as something that can sustain you during some difficult times. To speak to your heart. You all know how much I love the hymns and I get so many letters and emails and texts and phone calls from you all about how much you love them. This audience loves hymns.

And so I want to continue to reinforce how important they are to us as caregivers. There's text that has dust on them in churches all over America. That people are just ignoring.

But they have such a wealth of riches to sustain us during some some very difficult times. Listen to this lyric right here. While life's dark maze I tread and griefs around me spread. Be thou my guide. Bid darkness turn to day. Wipe sorrow's tears away. Nor let me ever stray from thee aside. Does that sound like something that you've cried out in your caregiving journey?

Yes he says it beautifully with great poetic grace in ways that I could never say it. I can't write very good lyrics. I've written quite a few songs and I do better with the music part of it because I'll write stuff like to care to share to be there. I have great hair. You know that kind of stuff. I'm not a very good lyricist.

Well evidently Ray Palmer was. While life's dark maze I tread and griefs around me spread. Be thou my guide. Bid darkness turn to day.

Wipe sorrow's tears away. Nor let me ever stray from thee aside. Now here's the tune that you may recognize with this. And I wanted to play this for you in just a minute so I'll step over here to the caregiver keyboard. So so That hymn is my faith looks up to thee.

And it's such an amazing tune. Thou lamb of calvary save your divine. Now hear me while I pray.

Take all my guilt away. Oh let me from this day be holy thine. May thy rich grace impart strength to my fainting heart. How many of you all feel like you have a fainting heart today?

If you've been a caregiver for any length of time you understand that concept my fainting heart. But he says my he says may thy rich grace impart strength to my fainting heart. My zeal inspire.

Does your zeal need inspiration? As thou has died for me. Oh may my love to thee pure warm and changeless be a living fire.

Well Dr. Palmer really hit it out of the park with this one. And the last verse as well listen to this. When ends life transient dream. When death's cold sullen stream shall over me roll. Blessed savior then in love.

Fear and distrust remove. Oh bear me safe above a ransom soul. There are a lot of songs out there that talk about comfort and feeling and and and very introspective and kind of self-actualization and all that kind of stuff. And they're great songs. There's a there's some wonderful songs out there. But these old hymns say things in a way that get right to the core because they were they were written out of they weren't trying to write a hit song.

They weren't trying to write something clever. They were struggling with something and they wanted to make it singable but relatable to the people who who desperately needed something to cling to as they struggled themselves. And we owe a great debt. And I look at some of the things that that you see out there in contemporary Christian music for example. Wonderful things. But this is corporate worship when you sing a hymn like this.

This is when the congregation came together and said wildlife's dark maze I tread and griefs around me spread and they would sing it in four part harmony. And the blending of voices of their you cannot you cannot underestimate wait a minute you cannot I'm gonna sound like George W. Bush you cannot mis-underestimate you cannot overestimate the importance of a corporate worship singing of hymns together. You cannot dismiss how important that is.

And we've gotten away from that. And maybe this is the only time throughout your week that you hear somebody talk about these sort of things. And you think gosh this is a show for caregivers. Well this is how I do it as a caregiver.

This is how I do it. I go whether I'm going to Waffle House or I'm going to the piano I'm connecting myself to anchor myself to settle myself down. If you're just joining in the A block we talked about Waffle House and my love for Waffle House and I make no apologies for it.

I love me some Waffle House. But our souls are so troubled. And Dr. Palmer Dr. Ray Palmer who wrote this wonderful text. While life's dark maze I tread and griefs around me spread be thou my guide. How many of us feel like we're in a dark maze and griefs are spread all around us. We don't understand that as caregivers don't we. The bed darkness turned today wiped sorrow's tears away nor let me ever stray from the aside. Anchoring ourselves and if you go back and look in Psalms when David cried these things out very similar to these kinds of thoughts and these kind of sentiments that he's feeling Jeremiah did the same thing but they would constantly remind themselves where safe ground is where safe harbor is.

Remember we talked about that in the last block of you know when you're trying to anchor yourself in the midst of a storm and settle yourself down so that you can think clear so that you can be a little bit more in tuned so that you can better speak into the craziness that we find ourselves in as caregivers. My faith looks up to thee thou lamb of Calvary. I love this hymn and evidently Lowell Mason who wrote 1600 hymns at least. The father of American church music and a lot of times if you notice in the hymnal they'll have this text with a particular tune and they'll do it several different tunes with that text. This text of my faith looks up to thee and this particular tune that Lowell Mason wrote were never used for anything else. It just it just hand and glove they were made for each other because this very elegant stately melody that says this beautiful lyric my faith looks up to thee thou lamb of Calvary.

Savior divine now hear me while I pray take all my guilt away oh let me from this day be holy thine. I don't know who needed to hear this day but I know I needed to hear it and I go to the piano and the keyboard and I play these songs for myself to strengthen my own heart. When Gracie and I are in the hospital these are the hymns that we sing and when we're in dire circumstances this is what we sing. So I wanted to give these to you my faith looks up to thee take a look at it the hymnal this is Peter Rosenberger this is Hope for the Caregiver we'll be right back. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talked to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey take a listen. Gracie when you envisioned doing a prosthetic limb outreach did you ever think that inmates would help you do that?

Not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by Core Civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country that you put out the plea for and they're disassembling you see all these legs like what you have your own prosthetic legs and arms when you see all this what does that do to you? Makes me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to be like some place where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out of course being in the hospital so much and so long that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as one band said something good finally with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled?

No I had no idea you know I thought a peg leg I thought of wooden legs I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and sea legs and all that I never thought about that. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this knowing that they're helping other people now walk they're providing the means for these supplies to get over there what does that do to you just on a heart level? I wish I could explain to the world what I see in there and I wish that I could be able to go and say this guy right here he needs to go to Africa with us I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave I don't want to leave them I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that I would have never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had an experience with it what do you think of the faith based programs that CoreCivic offers? I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it but I know about this one are it's just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't have them and I think that that says so much that doesn't have anything to do with me it just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate a used prosthetic limbs whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody who outgrew them you've donated some of your own for them to do how do they do that? Please go to standingwithhope.com slash recycle standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Thanks Gracie.