Keep It Light While Keeping You Safe

As caregivers, we have so many things that hit us all the time, and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves. Who helps you?

What does that look like? I'm Peter Rosenberg, and I want to tell you about a program I've been a part of now for almost 10 years, and that's Legal Shield. For less than $30 a month, I have access to a full law firm that can handle all kinds of things.

If I get a contract put in front of me, if I got a dispute with something, doesn't matter. I've got a full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with. Power of attorney, medical power of attorney, I will.

Every bit of it. As a caregiver, we need someone who advocates for us, and that's why I use Legal Shield. So go to caregiverlegal.com. Look on the left-hand side where it says Legal Shield. Just select it.

It turns purple. It says, pick a plan. It'll give you some options.

If you don't need any of those, don't select them. Check out and be protected starting today. That's caregiverlegal.com. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million of us right now in this country are serving as a family caregiver. Maybe you're taking care of aging parents, special needs kids, somebody with a trauma, somebody with a disease, somebody with alcoholism, somebody with addiction, somebody with mental illness. The list is long and the number of caregivers is growing of people who are doing this without pay, without training, just armed with love and a sense of duty and responsibility and sometimes a goofy sense of humor like mine. I hope you have a sense of humor as you do this and hopefully by listening to this program you will see that it's okay to laugh and to have a good time and to be joyful even in the midst of this. We got plenty of tears. Do you laugh?

Do you cut up? I constantly tease Gracie and we just live life. I mean we're living with all kinds of craziness. I was at the hospital with her down in Denver a couple weeks ago. We had to go down there for some exams and tests and so forth and we're facing some other things but we had this series of appointments and consultations. We had one that was like right after lunch and then she had a CT scan that was scheduled for 6 pm that night. Now we're staying across the street from the hospital in a hotel and I just didn't want to have to haul Gracie back across the street and then come back and you know it's cumbersome and tiresome for her, painful for her. So we headed down to the CT area at the hospital and to see if we could get you know pushed up on the docket and the lady was very nice.

She said I'm getting ready to leave but I'm putting you down. I think we can do this. My replacement will be here shortly. Why don't you guys go down and have a cup of coffee.

I want to see if I can put this through and just let him know when you come back. And so we went down and got some coffee which on a side note is never as easy as you think because when there's a menu Gracie wants to read the menu and then she wants to combine things on the menu to form a new menu. What I like to refer to as the Gracie menu where since they have a kitchen or since they have the equipment but why not combine it the way I want it is kind of her thought process. And I'm like just order from the menu. Even when we go to McDonald's she wants to read the menu. I go to McDonald's. I know the menu forwards backwards.

I can just name it. I can get behind the counter and work. I understand the menu at McDonald's. It has not changed drastically over the years.

There's some things they keep adding that are ancillary but to the core McDonald's user yeah the menu is still the same. Not with Gracie. She wants to well can you add this to this salad or can you do this and so I'm sitting there at the coffee shop just you know banging my head on the on the counter while she does her thing and the the poor barista behind the counter is looking you know that's my life. So we got the coffee she wanted and it was uh it was quite good I must say and we headed back down and there's a new guy at the counter just like the woman had said and so I went up to this young man I said I was told that if we gave you five dollars and a picture of Bea Arthur we could get in a little early for this ct skin. Well and I said it with a straight face and Gracie's over there rolling her eyes at me and this guy's looking at me like I'm just from another planet and I didn't care because it made me laugh. It didn't really make her laugh that much but it made me laugh. She she didn't laugh because it wasn't funny let me be fair she didn't laugh because she's used to this and it's tiresome to her but I promise you if you got her still and quiet to say Gracie was that funny she would say yeah it was funny I just you know I've heard it all but I figured you know we spend so much time in hospitals and doctor's offices and imaging places and labs if I stop living life and being who I am and Gracie stopped being who she is in these places what kind of life would we have we're just who we are we've grown used to this yes these are serious places where serious things happen but it's also a job site for people it's a job for people and they you know just like you at your workplace they want to be able to enjoy their day and they get enough misery there. Speaking of misery I always find the airport to be a challenging place particularly when you have somebody that is disabled pushing through the TSA and and particularly at the Denver Airport and I'm sorry whoever's the senior guy at the TSA at the Denver Airport if you're listening to this program there are some opportunities for improvement let me just say that okay there's some opportunities for improvement and I struggle going through there but by the time I get to the gate you know I'm a little bit tired and and and we were flying back southwest they have a straight flight from Denver to Bozeman and the people at southwest are always so great and I I just I appreciate their humor and all the other things they do to make the flight enjoyable flying is not what it used to be and Gracie by the way still dresses up I do okay but she actually dresses up to fly she knows it's old school but she doesn't care she said my grandmother used to always say you you look nice when you go out in public and on planes and so forth and so she does but the folks at southwest are always very very kind to us and she boards first and then exits last she's we're always the last ones off the plane but she's always the first on she requires just a little bit extra time to get on and so we're going down the jetway and I usually have the bags now let me give you some background on this Gracie is the only person I know that has a wheelchair with a trailer hitch on it she requires so much carry-on and and paraphernalia that goes with her and I'm like her sherpa and I'm carrying all these things and I was so proud of her if you ever get a chance to meet her I want you to tell her how proud you are of her that we were able to consolidate two nights worth of stuff for her into a carry-on bag a large purse for her and a small laptop bag for me and we were able to do it that took 30 something years of conditioning to help her learn to pack light now that doesn't sound like very much but you try carrying that while pushing a wheelchair okay it can get a little bit gnarly and I'll have all the bags stacked I mean so like I have a roller bag and then I'll have Gracie's other bag or then maybe I can even fit a third but I'll wrap that around my neck if I have to and then I'll wheel that bag with my left hand and with my right hand I'll hold Gracie's hand and I'll drag her through the airport when she's in a wheelchair and so she's you know rolling we're getting a pretty good clip too I mean her hair's blowing in the breeze particularly on those marble floors instead of the carpet but then there's those clueless people aimlessly rolling around I'm saying on your left or on your right you know and get out of the way and so um Gracie thought about putting a harpoon on the front of it but I thought no that's not good I'm just kidding so we're at the gate and the southwest uh gate officer was so kind and said can I help you with your bags well immediately and I don't know if I'll probably get in trouble for saying this on the air I referenced a movie that maybe some of you have seen there's a great scene I'm sorry in Young Frankenstein when when when Gene Fowler's character said to Marty Feldman's character Igor he said you get the bags you want some help with the bags and he said you get the blonde I'll get the one with the turbids and if you haven't seen it don't worry about it but it was I used that line and I sent that to the southwest she said do you want some help with the bags I said you get the blonde I'll get the one with the turban and it made me laugh Gracie not so much the southwest attendant had no clue to what I was saying but it made me laugh and it helped make a difficult time a little bit more tolerable for me and so I don't even know why I'm sharing this with you guys you're probably looking at me like what's the matter with you but I'm used to that phrase people have asked me that over the years I've been a caregiver for over 36 years and I've been through my share of airports and struggling with wheelchairs and everything else and if I want to laugh and say something goofy to the gate officer at an airport or if I want to say something stupid to a guy that's scheduling cts you know what I'm gonna do it I'm gonna go for it it's okay to live life it's okay to laugh and you know what else it's okay for you to be safe and we're gonna talk about that when we come back from the break this is peter rosenberger this is hope for the caregiver we'll be right back as caregivers we have so many things that hit us all the time and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves who helps you what does that look like I'm peter rosenberger and I want to tell you about a program I've been a part of now for almost 10 years and that's legal shield for less than 30 a month I have access to a full law firm that can handle all kinds of things if I get a contract put in front of me if I got a dispute with something doesn't matter I've got a full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with power of attorney medical power of attorney I will every bit of it as a caregiver we need someone who advocates for us and that's why I use legal shield so go to caregiverlegal.com look on the left hand side where it says legal shield just select it it turns purple it says pick a plan it'll give you some options if you don't need any of those don't select it check out and be protected starting today that's caregiverlegal.com welcome back to hope for the caregiver this is peter rosenberger this is the program for you as a family caregiver we're so glad that you're with us how are you feeling how are you doing hopeforthecaregiver.com there's a little form there you can send it to us let us know what's on your mind and also while you're out online go to our facebook group go to our facebook page you can like that follow along with that and then our facebook group we post a lot of things in there other caregivers post that they're struggling with and maybe you could offer some insight to another caregiver i administer the group i keep it from going off the rails so please uh take advantage of it go out and join along and offer your insights or maybe you can glean some insights from others who have gone through similar things that you have been through hopeforthecaregiver.com is where it all starts plenty of stuff for you to take advantage of out there don't don't do this by yourself friends don't let friends care give alone okay i wanted to address something i had a conversation with somebody this week a listener who reached out and we ended up having a conversation about this topic she's got some family dynamics that are pretty intense and involves a brother who's had a lengthy history of drug abuse she's making some decisions but she's you know feeling all the things that we all feel in situations like that when you have to make the hard decisions you feel guilty you feel kind of alone in that you feel all the different things you you you know the drill you know what goes on with us as caregivers and the conflicting feelings we have however she is very unsettled in this and i asked her i said what is what is the goal for you we talked about that a little bit we finally landed on this place where her safety is paramount she doesn't feel safe and she's got this house with her mother she owns the house her mother lives with her but her brother's also been there and he comes and goes as he pleases and she can't seem to get him out of there and you know in this day and age how hard it is to evict someone and she is her mother has significant dementia and it looks like it may be time to go into a memory care unit and she's going to do that and then sell the house and that way she doesn't have to go through the eviction process but she's going to make sure her mother's cared for and then she wants out i mean she wants to be done with her brother and another sibling and not have that drama knowing that her mother's safe that she's not at the mercy and they can't come and go with an assisted living like they do at this house but the bottom line is she doesn't feel safe and i assured her that her safety is paramount happiness is not the goal we're not going to feel good about a lot of these things and the goal is not to be happy or comfortable or any of those things but safety is non-negotiable for you as a caregiver and that means your financial safety your emotional safety your physical safety all of those things are absolutely critical to you as a caregiver because if you're not safe how can you be a good caregiver if your situation is precarious financially how can this continue now that doesn't mean you have to be wealthy but that does mean you have to find solid ground and sometimes that means scaling way back and reducing your debt load reducing your outflow as we talked about last week on the program simplifying your life looking at things that you really just don't need what do you absolutely have to have and then how can you cut from anything else understand that when you're a caregiver you you're more or less in survival mode all the time and your situation is tenuous if you have the physical safety issues going on that has to come first you've got to physically be safe and if you've got a family member who has a drug problem or drinking problem they're abusive they're unpredictable all those kinds of things where you just don't feel safe in your own home that's got to change and so I walked her through the process of doing her due diligence prior to this making sure she has all of her legal documents in hand making sure she's done all of her homework as far as the memory care center for her mother all the things that need to happen quietly go behind the scenes get all of that done and then make the appointment to confront her brother and say this is what we're going to do and she's actually offered a pretty generous thing for her brother who is basically penniless but he's not a young guy so he he's got some some real issues from drug use and everything else and she's made a pretty generous offer but it's non-negotiable she doesn't feel safe and she doesn't need to have him encroaching upon her life now how many of you all have something like that going on where you just don't feel safe what do you do about it what do you do about it and the decisions are not going to be easy there's just no way around it it's going to be a hard decision but you serve yourself well when you've done all of your due diligence make sure you have all the legal documentation that you need and if you can't afford a lawyer there are services out there I subscribe to one myself that provides me legal care you know for easy monthly fee less than 30 bucks a month and it's full access to a full attorney firm anything in the power of attorney all that kind of stuff but all of those things you do yourself a favor by having your homework done so that when you're having to make that hard decision you're not just doing this in a vacuum you're you're not just doing it arbitrarily you've got x y z laid out for you and then when she sits down with her brother to have this conversation I recommended strongly that she have someone there potentially from law enforcement to be there and you know pay them you know off-duty cop something to be there to protect her to keep this thing from going off the rails if you need to serve with a uh some type of restraining order or whatever there's you know it's best to put that in the hands of law enforcement when you are dealing with somebody who has a history of drug abuse any type of substance abuse it can go sideways really quick so it's always best that you've done what is necessary for you to be safe and yes it's unpleasant every bit of this is unpleasant but it's not as unpleasant as you being assaulted it's not as unpleasant as you being injured or worse and that's a very real possibility for many families there's that unstable element in so many families particularly dealing with substance abuse or mental illness you're not dealing with a well person you're dealing with somebody with an impairment by definition and if they go berserk what are you going to do and it's not just like this this happened to be a case where a woman is dealing with her brother but I also have a very close friend who's dealing with his sister who's got a lengthy history of some very very troubling mental health behaviors when it comes to violent behavior from somebody abusing alcohol or drugs or somebody with a mental health history gender is not the factor the impairment is the factor and it's important for you to do what is necessary for you to be safe okay not comfortable not happy but safe are you safe and if you're comfortable not happy but safe are you safe and that's why it's important for us to think this way and then let's also think about what is safe financially making sure you know where all the ownership papers are where all the mortgage information power of attorney all of those things whatever you need make sure you know where it is the more you know the safer you will be because you will have things in order and you can produce them financially so that you're not caught unawares that taxes are up to date filing for taxes and so forth that you know that you can talk to medical providers of your loved one that you've done all the necessary steps for this that you know where the will is you know the old statement where there's a will there's a family member well what if that family member is impaired as in the case of this woman with her brother what do you think he wants to do with money this guy's got a lengthy history of substance abuse he's jobless and really has been a troubled soul for a very long time that has left a trail of carnage in his wake giving him unfettered access to money just because the legal documents weren't in place is that a good idea so these are things that we can do to help us feel safe and then also safe spiritually where are you going with this spiritually when i think of safety always think of proverbs 18 10 god's name is a place of protection the name of the lord is a strong tower the righteous run into it and are safe good people can run there and be safe in the name of the lord but what does that even mean and when we anchor ourselves in god and trusting in his provision for us he gives us that clarity of thought that that calmness to be able to make these important decisions remember last week's program i talked about making decisions from a place of calmness and safety you belong to god if you're in christ you belong to him and you can make those decisions and great safety you don't have to be freaking out you don't have to be in any way out of a sense of desperation and panic that's not of god who is the author of confusion and i think this is the this is the path for us as believers that we can make those decisions from a place of calmness and trust in his provision his wisdom his insights all of those things play into our decision making what did paul say in philippians chapter 4 verse 6 be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to god here it is and the peace of god which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in christ jesus that sounds an awful lot like safety doesn't it you make much better decisions when you feel safe and when you recognize that you're safe in christ so for those who are struggling with physical safety because of these kinds of things let's start with their spiritual safety and then let that extend to all our decision making get your legal documents in a row and if you have to get law enforcement involved you've already done your homework that's the way we do it peter rosenberger he's been a caregiver since the cold war