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September 2, 2020 4:08 pm
Like Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia, addiction and alcoholism can overtake a person. How does a caregiver respond to an abusive addict or alcoholic who has been overtaken by their disease?
These are hard questions faced by so many caregivers. I discussed this with John during this episode.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Christmas gift why not want. She can have a couple of chicken maybe it's not the get for your family, but it gives the perfect gift for poor family ninja chicken can break the cycle of poverty for poor family yes chicken chickens and provide nourishment for family and they can sell mosaics at the market for income when you donate a chicken or any other gospel for Asia. 1% of what you give goes to the field and get the ball went gospel fundraiser to support family and Jesus family this Christmas, give them six explanation see chickens and camping. I so many people are putting themselves in bold below for the worst disaster but does anyone ask the caregiver well you do and will graduate with us 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 is always with me.
Well, sometimes he's been out a couple times and then her heart sunk with despair and we send them by the waters of Babylon and whipped no balm in Gilead right Gracie successful and I'm well aware that that is a wonderful, wonderful priest, but no John Butler's with me and John is also known as the count of muddy disco been helping produce the show now. For now, his eighth year is hard to believe that his honor. Well, I mean your time passes in one direction.brown.
They have a flying car. Did you see.
Finally, you know we were supposed to have this five years ago. According to Robert Marty McFly know I that was just a side edge I got a note from a lady who joined our Facebook group. We have a group for the caregiver on Facebook that we have a page for hope for the kid which we live stream the show on which were doing right now but we also have a group that is just a little bit more sequestered away so the caregivers can kind of post comments, or whatever this going on. They feel more comfortable in a less public environment. I moderate all of it I rather add bins that that's just me and I got up a letter from a email from a lady and I was I was really quite moved and wanted to start off today show with you. I just talked about this. I couple weeks ago on the radio broadcast that we do on Saturdays that is live and it's 200 substations.
We had a call about alcoholism, which we talked about a lot of the show that is not something that a lot of people associate with the family caregiver but I do because I think the principles are still the same. I think that you're dealing with a chronic impairment. I think that this thing is way beyond your control.
It's not go away by anything you could wish or think him and wherever there's a chronic impairment.
There's a character that's that's not belief system and I'm standing on yet will and there are some of the more let's say photogenic situations where always this ends up being this tragic but noble's situation or something like that where you know someone is.
Nobody did anything quote wrong and that's it just is. If the situation is been imposed on you bites. Addiction carries a big stigma and often times people like to go. It's easy to overlook because of that, because it is. It's a little bit of a nasty odor. You know, the belief system is you can you can just will yourself to stop drinking and yeah technically that's not wrong, but it's a little bit. That's a little bit specific because I believe there's that there is a place where you have to have significant help in order to fight this this addiction issue here this exactly and if you get help.
Oftentimes I put it in the same context is maybe like a mental illness or personality disorder where you your your marketing get you not to get through this on your own. But you're also not going to get through it unless unless you hostile unless you you really put effort into it, you can be born with the disease or impairment you not a silly born an alcoholic or an addict may have tendencies in the family raise and so forth. So it's a it's an acquired disease.
If you will, but that again right so as type II diabetes only going to going to Midland now, so it in any way I talk about this and I had a conversation on the air about this lady called in and she was in an abusive situation with them public husband and I made the comment that it is okay for you to distance yourself from this that you are not you were not chained to this individual. In that sense that you have to stay with them out of substance of of of misplaced obligation will end and it said it's a real rough one because valves were made and that heavily yeah doesn't mean they have to get divorce at the rush of hyperbole over there can be reconciliation but it does but it also means that you you are not required to stay in the house of your punching bag and correct yes because if you're in the worst case scenario if if you get it if if you're not around anymore if if if if this goes the worst possible way than there is nothing good you can do that individual anymore and it it ends up being very grim sometimes, so some less grim, but still really terrible decisions are on the table on because sitting there being a punching bag.
If that's all it is. That's that's that's that's that's that. That is unacceptable. That will it is you. You.
You do not have to condemn the relationship to divorce or ear reconciliation irreconcilable something whatever yeah yeah it that that is that that the relationship can be restored. It can be an you patched, if you will, but if you're just getting you know the crap knocked out a few you're being abused on a regular basis.
It's okay for you to distance yourself. It is actually okay for you to distance yourself no matter what's going on. It doesn't mean distancing doesn't mean divorce. It just means that your you know you're having a little bit of detachment from this. However, much is needed for you to be able to breathe and be safe right and finding the appropriate level that can be difficult enough, you need to go stay at mom's house or or or something like that and in the immediate thing, or if there is a you hate to give examples because people tend to latch onto those and look at the reasons why the metaphor is not perfect because no metaphor, that's the idea behind the metaphor, but just that there are things that can feel way more permanent or antithetical to our our morale moral code or whatever.
Then they really are will hear the responses I got is a talk to the lady acid. It's it's really okay for you to distance yourself from this and get to a place of safety for you and then I got an email from someone who said that I should have come after this with a sense of equipping this particular person being abused to take authority in the name of Jesus and get this guy delivered an and inmate alcohol will lead them to Christ and and make alcoholic be delivered and set free from this so that they can go and live their life together and I wrote back to the person who said the latter. And I said I it and move it up.
I said, in a place of great restraint because I have a long epistle mean it was a very long letter on how I was just not basically being a person of faith strong enough to be able to attack this thing and I wrote back and said thank you for your comments will take them under consideration. That's what you know what I decided I just didn't feel like mixing it up with the because it was going to be a labor-intensive process that I just did not have the ability to do right and this is it can be a very we can go for the comforting absolutes of of faith often and that's that's what they want the comforting absolutes and the world is messed is about me I'm a person of deep faith right and and and I I would speak to these things from a scriptural strong faith standpoint I language for this individuals using well and and and I use this that I type.
I firmly believe that people can be delivered of this, but I also justice firmly believe that if you're going to pickle your brain with drugs or alcohol for any length of time even if you stop today and never touch the stuff. Again, the effects of this will be felt for a lifetime. Most likely will, in the same way that if if there is an amputation. Those effects are felt good when I'm well aware Gracie is no longer falling asleep at the wheel, but the effects of her accident are permanent and here for a lifetime and and so that is the that is the. The rubric that I bring to this of the way I like it that people may disagree, whatever, but I have landed on this place based on a lengthy about his experience in a lengthy meta-study, and a whole lot of people that I've talked to about this that you know if somebody's been drinking and abusing a spouse for 10, 15 years and then they stopped drinking today go down to get saved in their on the straight and narrow the impact of what they have done to their relationships and their behaviors involved in this relationship will take a lifetime to detangling there. There may be reconciliation, but it'll take a lifetime to detangling this exact and that so that's I was going to get to that, like at some point you start with just the effects on their body and mind are are are real physical effects, but you you jump to the end of it which is fantastic that the other things that are affected in a real way are the relationships that they have that. The thing you know we we do forgive and it's difficult to forget, but we've where it is interesting that I love God forgives instantly. Man takes a while nature evidence. Although I like I like your dad.
He's the nominee showed up with that I like you. It is as if you step not of any type of recovery program is making amends and learning to take you no responsibility for the actions that wounded other people, but if you make amends, as is somebody who's in any kind of recovery that is no you forgot not call. I have that. So I have that's it. That's a call enough call to rough, it is in and making amends does not benefit by the way, I've made some immense about life and we all have the effect of a very practiced at this, but making amends is not a guarantee that this is going to be reconciled and it's important to make amends and you don't make amends to reconcile. You may commence because it's the right thing to do without you eligibility correct that we had to show how 68 months ago. That was all about. Apologies and yeah the right way to make love that show. That was really really good and an apology is not made with any sort of expectation you not make any apology to make the other person feel better not make me apology make you feel better. You're doing it because it is the right thing to do and if they don't want it. If that young that's just them and that's that's if they do if they tell you to go pound sand or whatever. Then that's all now have a responsibility correct graphs of regional responsibility and so this lady is getting the crap beat out of her and being abused by her husband and I summing him like literally she is getting she's getting.
Jesus is about up to better amenities better and she has. She has written to me and said in an and maybe even listing the show right now through our groups and just a beautiful letter that she was able to disconnect from this man is trying to work the path of healing and and how much it meant to her that somebody gave her permission to do that. I don't have that authority.
Of course, but a but it's one of those things worst equipment will wear only as sick as her secrets and and we are in these isolation bubbles with dysfunction and if somebody's able to penetrate into that with it with the lifeline of truth, the said you know it is okay for you to go over here to safety. That's and that's a wonderful thing in his own can be very, I applaud her initial steps and I want to continue to talk about that. Why that affects what what that means the family.
It will talk but then we come back. This is the character of the Spiros murder 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 if you will be part of the show will talk to you and you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing without more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.
We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of death is to point others to Christ.
The source of my help and strength these visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help. This is the stove here is about caregivers hosted by caregiver and were glad that you with this 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 if you will be a part of the show. This broadcast today is for podcast and we also stream it live on the social media and so forth of the we do the radio broadcast on Saturdays left and run a couple hundred stations on that one and would love to have you just be a part of the of all this we podcast everything we do and that's at our website.
Hopefully caregiver.com and you can see the podcasts displayed there to set up for this, but whatever podcast are minutes everything done. Judging others like about 7000 podcast platforms will warm sure there are, yeah, that's every guy getting on night outed me out whenever Amazon comes through everything. It's really kind of a kind of weird annoyed the way they do all these things but it's it's you. I personally believe in the medium of it still talk radio, you know, and however you distribute in talk radio works and I've always and of love talk radio and I've lived for years. It's it's got an intimacy to it that that other mediums sometimes lack now you and will were doing interesting things like with live broadcast on Facebook and and little more interaction and things like that but you want to call in radio broadcasters still an island wonderfully loved will and and also wanted to let you guys know this meal we have put all this is part of our organization staining with Hope you for Gracie story was standing with Hope.
She found this many years ago to do prosthetic limbs refill entities and we this week alone sponsored another man's leg delete he needed replacement like he's over Ghana and we been treating him there for 13 years because amputees go through a lot of parts and prostheses and so forth and the grower there limbs change whatever and so responsive that leg that he's got this. We can also purchased several more gallons of of resin which that that's a key component in building a prosthetic leg and each gallon of resin can make no 56 legs, and so we don't have it yet but it is you you you take a mold and you did that to the front of the amputated limb and then you attach the pylon in the foot in the knee and all that stuff to that, but that's it makes it acrylic resin socket that's very firm and lightweight with carbon fiber roller coaster we purchase that and then we got a a new partner with our our our limb program. We've moved it from Tennessee. John Raffetto to this, but we moved it from Tennessee to Arizona and it is in a facility of a prison run by poor civic and the inmates volunteer to do a a recycling program were wheat we sin, usually from all over the country and inmates receive the man and then they take the limbs of parts of the we can recycle all the different parts of it and it send a facility way out of the Eloi Arizona, you can't buy like they don't use 2 inch drywall screws now specialized pieces of equipment and titanium stuff and all that but you know or Eloi Arizona is to do. I do not blame the south of Arizona. Okay okay it's South Dakota board know is not quite south of the board, but it's a it's a facility down there and it is critical that inmates displayed this and it gives them something unusual to do that they enjoy doing and and and I appreciate very much this program. Faith-based programs work in facilities and what we would like to get to a point, as a society where you know yes punitive things are often necessary, but the more that we can rehabilitate people and and and make like resin doesn't. I don't know if I'm not a scholar in this area, but I would I would I would love it if if it didn't have to be this really terrible experience for people that can be a growth experience as opposed to any uniform.
I could not agree more and in and I've done a look at the research and they show this course of action of the distant that faith-based programs the recidivism rate that goes on with them is so much different than without. Because they don't they don't come back if there if there into if they get they get that positive reinforcement of participating these things, no matter what it is and there's all kinds different programs that they offer and this is going to be located is been in the silly their Nashville but were moving it to the facility in Arizona and is good to be in their hobby shop. Which of those lives. That's got my shot glass and only on the data will be to get around shop tools a lot because of a pianist and ended because of the bypassed history, but I am still remember my shop teacher in seventh grade.
You know I have a story that I don't think I ever told you I had one of the teachers that influenced me the most. I had a teacher in I went to the vo-tech for the guy I lied. I was very good academically. I went through a lot of stuff out quicker than I should have the last two years of high school I took two hours drafting as Aaron you draft whatever your blueprints or any kind of thing and it will delete your love of calligraphy.
I guess exactly exactly and the gentleman who was my drafting teacher really reminds me of the guy in our one at one of the teacher in starship troopers because this gentleman had an anti-Tate arm and he was the drafting teacher and here you Q within a PT that is just right.
He he had. He had a hook for a left and he could letter like bright letters with that with that hook better than anybody in the class could with their physical hands and it was for this is that when we do this at arms business recycling program and so if you know what I want to donate a used prosthetic limb hand-foot doesn't matter whatever wheat will take. It stayed with Hope.com/recycle stayed with Hope.com/recycle and it is extorting thing and back to something I think that's one of the greatest travesties we've done in our country is remove the emphasis on vo-tech and all these things because I think we've done it a tremendous disservice on so many young people because let's face it we were talking about micro micro bike show and he had a great speed patron saint of vo-tech. Oh yeah, absolutely.
He is going more jobs than anybody else but you know college is when used when you take on 80 $200,000 for Chinese art history degree.
You know you're in debt. When you get out and you can't really make that back versus I would go down to the partnership path and go into electrical work or welding. I have come to truly respect welders see a lot of oh yeah, here in this affect Absalom fix Gracie's wheelchair because we had okay how we talk on the yeah aluminum welding index a little bit different than regular welding is a luminal it's that's crazy yeah it's an art and and so these are things that I just look at with the incredulity of of how wonderful the skill sets are and I'm learning a few of about here in Montana job now.
I'm sure you will and I was watching my father-in-law yesterday unattractive movements of generative make the drive with one level for Gracie when she gets in and out his thing, and he's up there back to wheels popular really is 84 so we got little trackable to get back on this we come back. This is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 of the caregivers make better cared speed Rosenberger never helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she tried to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out.
And finally she relinquished him and that while this is that I'm now heavy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there, you can designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with.com would you take a moment ago understanding with.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of firstname.lastname@example.org as a caregiver.
Think about all the legal documents you need power of attorney will, living wills, and so many more then think about such things as disputes about medical bills. What if instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life while we are taking legal representation and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full-service coverage. Finally, you can live life know you have a lawyer in your back pocket who at the same time is an empty it's called legal shield and its practical, affordable, and must for the family caregiver visit caregiver legal.com that's caregiver legal.com. Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you www.caregiver.com on independent associate literature with 5567 55 and he does know the plans is viewed as my wife Gracie on her new CD resilient and you can get a copy that today just go to hope for the caregiver.com run on the front page said we will see the copy for CD see the word donate whatever you want to donate to this organization. The tax-deductible gift will give me to send you a copy our gift to you and in your love the CD of English is that the real deal and annual just level she's able to to bring to the table I we got little off track on her honor last discussion because of some of alcoholics and addicts and caregivers, and so the point of this was this lady made a tough decision to step away from an abusive situation and start yet an enemy of America where husband is now abusive alcoholic and she is taking the first steps towards putting her life back together doesn't mean they can't be reconciled from on national who was pretty significant alcoholic and his marriage ended and they he and his wife divorced. Nila never remarried 32 years later they remarried and went back and made all kinds of men's and he really worked hard at it and organize and then he was able to do that. I thought it was just an extraordinary story of redemption and love, and they then they never stop loving each other, but it was so destructive for her to be with him and so she made that she made the call that he'll then hand worked at it and they dated for a long time after he became sober and was working this program and so forth and so you don't have to do the D. The relationship is not destined for that.
The trashy, but there may be a season where you have to step what right and where we are often once they robbed, but there are there are art circumstances that can deny us that big happy ending. Of course yes carrack whatever he could be. It could be anything. This is not to say that you know if you if you if you do everything right. You're always going to.
You're always going to come out on top and that's the car had a great quote about this and it was the card though I know compass is John. With regard to the prime directive getting was like you can do everything right and still fail. That's not injustice it's just life. Well, is it one surgeon said the surgery went perfectly. The patient died and it it it. And these things happen with the how does this apply to caregivers in other situations will what are things that I get a lot of calls about his is a failing of dealing with a a father who is dealing or mothers dealing with dementia they become Alzheimer's.
Whatever they become incredibly difficult to do with their still stuck right whole thing. I got honor my mother and father. And for whatever reason, this phrase just popped in my head and I stick with a BIII nobody else I'd never heard anybody else say it.
Subsequent kind of put it out there. This is one of my Peter-isms if you will you we have a butler floors are metaphor from John Butler about enforcement. This is one is you don't you call your ass by Scripture you commanded by Scripture to honor your mother and father but you were not commanded to honor Alzheimer's you are not commanded to honor alcoholism. You are not commanded to honor that level of dysfunction you just not an automobile assembly of the person is not from your commitment to honor all of their actions, no matter what, no, you can order them without having to play. You did the disease takes over and Your Honor get disease. At that point, and that's not appropriate with the disease needs to be dealt with and you can honor them and if there if there is no recovery path such a case with Alzheimer's. Where there is no recovery path are not going to get better from Alzheimer's. You can still honor the new owners extorting person they are by taking care of what they become, but not to the point where that you allow the disease to dictate your life and that's the same thing with alcohol as you do not have to allow addiction and alcoholism from somebody else dictate one week of every day is so that pointed this out obviously I read a letter you know I when I went to Walmart I paid for. You're not required but faith that we are referencing because Norberg worked for many years with prosthetic limbs, and we can't go to Ghana right now to take Gracie over there. We been going to to to Ghana for many many years to help work with a piece of their but we been sitting supplies and were sponsoring more patients but were not sitting pings right now because we just can't.
And we got patients that are lining up that are really needing some quality prosthetic era were contracting out with prosthetic providers there in West Africa in Ghana and there helping these patients that we really are urgently trying to treat get them up walking one of us. And if you do one of the crutches we have for their patients. John is weak, we target children and working age adults, children, students, working age adults and really that order got shot because we want to give them a fighting chance to have a productive life with the quality prosthetic limb. This is what Gracie envisioned after losing her own legs is not that we don't want help aging or so forth issues that this network parts of it lately. However, I love these yet in and out. We've had a lot of kids.
We've had some some students that are getting close to the graduation but they there personally needing aesthetic adjustments or a new leg new socket. Her since Leavitt will try to ship things over were trying to sponsor things in contract with the workers there to do it. We could use the help. So I am asking staining with hope.com would you just take a moment to go out to staining with help.com look at the work we do and look what we are seeing and and get involved in in that you could certainly write us and ask us any questions about it.
We would love to have your help today. We really needed today for any donation amount whatever's on your heart doesn't network us in your copy of Gracie CD and and when we just want you to know that this is this is what were serious about doing we been doing this for a long time.
We can go over there in person. But guess what, we could still help them get up and walk and you could be a part of that today.
It's a gift that keeps on walking.
I came up with that myself. I did bring about a flood walking and grace, with Gracie being a AA PT herself linked. We understand that in and in our work paper deal with prosthetic stuff right now with her and because she's constantly needing investments and so forth and so we understand the need and were asking you to help with today's ago to staining with hope.com today. Exhibit