What Family Caregivers Can Learn From A.1. Sauce

Looking for that perfect Christmas gift for the family? Why not a chicken? Stick a bow on top, put the chicken under the tree, and who knows, you may even have a couple eggs to fry up for breakfast Christmas morning.

Give the gift that keeps on clucking. A chicken. Okay, maybe it's not the perfect gift for your family, but it is the perfect gift for a poor family in Asia. A chicken can break the cycle of poverty for a poor family. Yes, a chicken.

A chicken's eggs provide food and nourishment for a family, and they can sell those eggs at the market for income. When you donate a chicken or any other animal through Gospel for Asia, 100% of what you give goes to the field. And the best gift of all, when Gospel for Asia gives a poor family an animal, it opens the door to the love of Jesus. So give the perfect gift for a family in Asia this Christmas. Give them a chicken. Call 866-WIN-ASIA.

Or to see chickens and other animals to donate, go to CritterCampaign.org. Hey, this is Larry the Cable Guy, and you are listening to Hope for the Caregiver with Peter Rosenberg. And if you're not listening to it, you're a communist, get it on. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberg. This is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver. For those of you who are pushing the wheelchair, staying up late at night, cleaning, doing laundry, back and forth to doctor's offices, taking care of someone who has some kind of impairment, paying the bills, back and forth to the rehab center, organizing family, name it. There are so many different scenarios of caregiving. How are you doing as a caregiver? What's going on with you?

How are you holding up? That's what this show is all about. If you want to be a part of the show, you're certainly welcome to call in.

We'd love to have you. 877-655-6755, 877-655-6755. And when you call, you will hear that voice, that voice that you've come to know and love.

Not mine. I'm talking about the Count of Mighty Disco, John Butler. Here he is, everyone. Thank you so much, Peter.

It has been some time since I heard that fantastic theme. I did that for you today. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, hey, speaking of which, I got a present for you. You know what you call a cow with really long legs? No, I don't know.

High stakes. Don't quit your day job, John. All right. Known for his day jokes. His dad jokes. John, are you well? I am well.

I was going to ask you the same thing. How are you doing, man? Well, I had the surgery and I've been recovering from it. It's a bit, it barks at me a little bit. It's letting me know that, yeah, you've had surgery and you've also been limping around for two months. And so this is your knee, correct? Yeah, I had surgery on my knees. And so the doc said everything went well.

It was textbook, got everything cleaned out that needed to be done. But I've got to kind of get this leg back into shape here. And because I've been favoring that leg, it throws you kind of out of whack. And we're going to talk about some things about that. There's some revelation that I've had about that as the show progresses. But I wanted to start off with something kind of different. Okay. Well, everything we do is kind of different, let's be honest.

It's not boring. Let's put it that way. If we opened your refrigerator, John, if we opened your refrigerator, what would we see? You would see, well, okay, so I got this refrigerator from the, I bought the house, the refrigerator came with it, and it functions just fine.

Now, there are things that need to be done about it. There are the bands that hold things in the door shelves. Well, I'm talking about the items of purchase. Okay, okay.

I'm not looking at the mechanics of the refrigerator, the items that you buy. Like for example, John, if I asked you for a list of condiments within your refrigerator. Sure, sure. Could you rattle off a few of those?

Absolutely. Sriracha. I do like mayonnaise and Miracle Whip being a foul disappointment to all Southerners everywhere. I've got some Dijon mustard. I've got actually like two or three different kinds of mustard because I really like mustard. I've got some sauerkraut. I don't know if that counts as a condiment. I've got a barbecue sauce and I've got some spicy, I can't remember what it's called, but it's basically like sriracha mayo, like hot sauce mayonnaise or something like that, that I got over by the low main and in the grocery store. I do have ketchup, but ketchup is a garbage condiment and we've been over that before. We know that we agree on this.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. All right. But yes, I could rattle off several condiments that, lots of eggs, lots of eggs. Well, I have one particular condiment in my refrigerator that caught my eye. And I was looking at the label.

It's right there now. It never expires, I don't think. And it's A1 sauce.

On the label, it says established in 1862. And I thought about that during the worst time in our nation's history. I mean the worst time. Somebody said, we need a better steak sauce. And in 1862, the bloodiest battle of the Civil War took place in September of 1862.

That was Antietam. It was the bloodiest battle. And somebody during that year said, we need a better steak sauce. The world needs more flavor. And I thought about it as our country is so divided. And we are.

We're more divided now as a country than we've been since the Civil War. I think that's a fair statement to say, wouldn't you say? I think we need more people to step up and say we need more flavor. And I want to be that guy. I want to be that guy that says, you know what?

In the midst of all this chaos, we're going to need a better steak sauce. Well, we need a nation of those guys. We do.

We need a push towards that. And I'm reminded of that scripture in Matthew 5 where Jesus said, you're the salt of the earth. And if the salt loses its flavor, it's thrown out and trodden about or whatever.

I forget the way the King James does it, but it becomes useless. And I thought about that for us as caregivers. And I know so many caregivers that struggle with all the division and the heartache and the discord around them. And I thought, can we have that same attitude? Can we have that same belief system that, you know what, the world needs more flavor?

And my world, my little tiny world as a caregiver needs more flavor. What are your thoughts on that, John? Well, like you say, we're in the middle of this, you know, the most divisive time. And I'm speaking of in the Civil War, when this, you know, whatever we whoever said, you know, we need this. Some people might look at that and say that your priorities are out of whack, that there's way more important things going on. And in the moment, they may have a point.

But long term, you've still got A1 steak sauce in your fridge. So somebody made a lasting decision in the middle of something that other people might say is not a priority. Well, I've noticed that in every conflict, in every disaster, in whatever's going on, people are still going to eat. There's some things of normalcy that are not ever eradicated in virtually most scenarios, even in the most horrific.

Now, they may not be good things like, you know, you look at prison camps and things such as that, where it's just, but they would still serve meals, however awful they were. But the point is, is that eventually, the discord will reach such a crescendo that it's unsustainable and there has to be a break somewhere or there will be some type of peaceable agreement or something. But the point is, do you wait for all of it to be over before you aspire to normalcy or aspire to something better?

Or do you just simply accept, oh, this is just going to suck for a while and then we'll just have to just deal with this reality? And I just find that as a caregiver, find that very intriguing that, you know what, I don't have to wait for this to get better or worse for me to start finding things of value in the midst of this. And that was what drew me to this A1 steak sauce thing that I thought, this guy, the Civil War had no sign of slowing down.

And somebody made a better steak sauce that has lasted, you know, now low these many years, long after the nation reconciled, like you said, I mean, you know, it outlasted. And yeah, you could make an argument, listen, you need to be thinking about better things. Well, maybe I am thinking about better things. Well, people say you got to pick your battles.

Well, you can pick an awful lot of battles, you know, maybe I'll pick them all. But yeah, you can do more than one thing at one time, especially caregivers. Well, we can. And it doesn't have to be, the circumstances don't have to be perfect for us to sit down and have meaningful moments. And if we wait for them to be perfect, even if we're eating steak on the battlefield, you know, if we wait for them to be perfect, we're going to be waiting a long time. But if we will accept the fact that even in the midst of a battle, we could still have a meaningful moment of a meaningful meal or something.

And I think about that with caregivers, because I talk to so many of them who are just beside themselves with angst and frustration and anger and resentment and rage and, you know, all the things that accompany the journey of a caregiver. And can you stop for a moment and be flavor in the midst of that? Can you do this? And if so, what does that look like?

How do you do that? Yeah, and we're coming up on the holidays. So this is I mean, we just had we just had one and we're swell.

And if you're and if you're if you're a Catholic, this is another one. But we're coming up on the holidays. And that is a sometimes very difficult time for caregivers.

But it's one that is very related to flavor and very related to a very human experience of being together with people that you love and being able to take that break and really, maybe not break even, but just, you know, sitting with the feeling of normalcy. There was a word that flew out of my brain that I was thinking of that you can divert some of the tension away and meal times with caregivers can be challenging anyway. But when you get to get there at the holidays, you're right.

Thanksgiving and into Christmas and New Year's and so forth. But those the holidays are stressful times on any family. And it's going to be particularly stressful with the coronavirus. Yeah, especially with Carl coming over, you know, I mean, I don't know.

We all know Carl. But with a caregiver, the stress is just amped beyond sometimes the pale. We're already running from a deficit. What are some of the things that we can do to bring flavor to the moment, even in the midst of the craziness? And I think part of the first thing, if you want to stay with the allegory of creating a steak sauce is you let things simmer for a while. Sometimes it just has to just cook slowly.

I don't know how to make steak sauce, but I would imagine that whoever's doing this, they're not cooking it rapidly in the microwave, all the ingredients. They're letting things simmer slowly. And the flavors all kind of merge together. They're letting things just kind of slowly, you know, I love a crock pot. And so sometimes it's okay to slow down.

Yeah, yeah. And I say often, because I love to cook, just really. I made some steak this weekend.

It was fantastic. I made some brioche this weekend. But I really love to cook. And I tell people a lot, the secret ingredient in most things is time, not the spice, although that can be, but the clock. You just got to be patient with it. You got to let it sit.

Yeah. You know, I, it took me two days to make a cheesecake last week because I did it right. You have to let the time work on it.

So if you did cheesecake and it took you two days, imagine dealing with a fractured relationship, a fractured relationship. And I thought, you know, we got to give it time. We got to just not push it. Don't, we don't need to put things in a pressure cooker.

We already live in one. And I just, I don't mean to overstate this metaphor. I really don't. However, it's a really good one because I still want to be that guy in the midst of whatever craziness. Can I bring some better flavor that's going to transcend the craziness that's going on around me? Sometimes it's music, which is a big part of my life. Sometimes it's learning to just be quiet. You know, one of the ways that we can add flavor to it is not to put too much stuff into it. Sometimes it's not about the notes you play, you know? And I rarely have had to make amends for things that I don't say.

It happens, but it's very, very rare. But, you know, sometimes the best flavor is the silence and the quiet. And you and I have talked about this before, the great sixties, seventies artists. She's still around. I mean, she's been doing this for a long time, but Joni Mitchell, I remember a quote she said to a bass player one time on a session.

She said, you have a marvelous use of space. And I thought that was a really good quote that we don't have to fill up everything with sound, noise. We don't have to over salt it. We don't have to over spice it. Sometimes we could just moderation. And as caregivers, how about that? Maybe can we use that as a principle to be that guy that says in the midst of whatever craziness, let me add some more flavor to this. Let me be a positive influence to this and not just the same old conflict.

Think about it. We'll be back after the break. Hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Roseberger along with Jon Butler.

Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. Today's a great day to start. We'll see you in just a moment. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope for more than a dozen years. We've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. I am so glad that you're with us. That's Gracie from her CD Resilient, and you can get a copy of that if you like what you hear. If you like what you're a part of with this show or if you want to sponsor the Prosthetic Limb Outreach, whatever you want to do, just go to hopeforthecaregiver.com.

Click on the donate button, whatever's on your heart, no matter what amount you decide. We'll send you a copy of her CD, and I think you'll enjoy it. Gracie's an amazing singer and she has a powerful message through her music. She is indeed resilient. She's tough, and 80 surgeries, both of her legs amputated, 100 doctors, 12 hospitals, and it's been going on since 1983. So that is a tough gal right there, and she has an amazing voice. So check it out, hopeforthecaregiver.com. We're talking about being – And amazing works, too, by the way. So check it out.

Amazing work. Yes, yes, she does, because she was the one that envisioned the whole Prosthetic Limb Outreach. And so she's tough. She's a good gal.

Well, she's put up with you all the time. We didn't want to go there. That was unnecessary. That was uncalled for.

That was uncalled for. Indeed, my apologies. All right. That's all right.

It's actually very called for. But we're talking about being flavor, being part of a – there's a saying that we learn in martial arts, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. And I stand by that. I think that we can all be part of a solution. And particularly as we watch the political climate in this country, I mean, there's so much discord. There is so much angst going on. And we all have our strong opinions. John, this is the first time I've ever heard a – you know what the only consensus among the news media is? Go on.

I'm sorry. I'm waiting for the shoe to drop here. No, whether you watch MSNBC or Fox or whoever, Rush Limbaugh, whoever, it doesn't matter. No matter who you listen to, I think they're all agreeing on one thing. The number of independents in this country has dwindled down to almost nil. Yeah, like undecided voters. They don't exist, really.

I don't think they're around. And so we all have a strong opinion of some level. But here's the reality. No matter who wins an election, if you're a caregiver today, you're going to be dealing with that caregiving reality the day after the election and the day after that and the day after that.

And even after your loved one passes away, you'll still be dealing with that caregiving reality of how it's affected your life. So why do you – And affected who you are, your personality and everything like that. Everything. Even your hair color.

And I say that because mine is white. But so why wait? Let's go ahead and start. And this is – I'm preaching to myself here, too, because I need to be the flavor in my life. Gracie doesn't need me amped up on this or that, with politics or that. She needs me to be centered. She needs me to be clearheaded and thinking with measured statements. I don't do this regularly, but that's what she needs. You're right. That's what she needs. You know, and I'm trying.

You know, I think I'm getting better than I used to be. But that's the reality of our life as caregivers. And so by getting ourselves involved in drama that we don't need – you know, we do our civic duty.

We vote and we support and do the things that we do. But we don't have – you know, you can't get embroiled in some of these things because you're not going to win. I mean, you know, there's no upside to getting into an argument about this. Right.

About this many times. Like, we talked about priorities earlier, and flavor should be a little bit more of a priority and everything. But, you know, when you get down to it, there's – like you said, there's – whatever the results of whatever election we're talking about, it's going to affect caregivers very little in the short term.

You know, there can be long-term reasons and everything like that. But, you know, you're still going to get up and you're still going to, you know, bring home the bacon and fry it in a pan. You know, do whatever. And never let her forget that, my man. You know, I am. That's not going to change.

My life is not going to change in that regard. And so I have to be a little bit more measured, patient. Like I said, we simmer and not boil. And as you said, the best food – really, the key ingredients for most food preparation is time.

And I think it is for relationships. It's time. You're going to have conflict. It's OK to let the air clear for a little bit and let cooler heads prevail. And the same thing with our country. We're going to have to come together after this thing as a country. We cannot stay divided in this capacity. And so we have to start having conversations with people, maybe people that are on different sides of issues than we are.

And that's OK, you know. But to win hearts and minds, you don't use a baseball bat. It's hard to break bread together when the restaurant's in flames. So we have to just dial it back a little bit and learn to try to see it maybe from someone else's perspective. Even if we end up still not agreeing with them, but to be able to see it from their perspective, to be able to know why they are believing the way that they believe and everything like that is incredibly difficult, but also really, really important. And how does that relate back to being a caregiver? Well, putting yourself in a different mindset.

Yeah. Try to see it from someone else's perspective. And we caregivers by nature tend to be a little bit more empathetic. That's why we're caregivers.

I get it. But, you know, that's part of our journey is also learning these things so that we could be a little bit more measured along the way. And I think when we see things like this and when we we try to understand and see the big picture, it helps us and realizes that it helps us realize that, OK, this is a very broken world with all types of travails. But go back to this thing here. During the year of the bloodiest battle of the Civil War, somebody had an idea for a better steak sauce. And I got to tell you, I just want to be that guy, you know, and and in the midst of all this chaos that we're going through as a country, where are my fellow steak sauce makers, you know? Well, where are your fellow optimists is really what I was going to go with this. Like that is an optimistic thing to do. Like bloodiest battle of the Civil War.

You know what? This is going to be over at some point. Or I have to believe this is going to be over at some point. And we're still going to have to eat somewhere.

And we don't want it to be. We don't want to eat rice cakes all day. We're going to want some meat. And, you know, by the way, I like a one on a baked potato.

I'm just that kind of weird. Well, I mean, we do that. And steak fries.

And steak fries. That's pretty good. But but that's the whole point of us as a caregiver. You know, eventually we're going to have to reconcile with some of the realities in our lives that we just can't change. And we have to live life in the midst of it. And that's a hard thing. I remember a lengthy conversation with a close friend of mine. And one of the issues that I have struggled with, John, and I freely admit it, is accepting reality.

And reality is a tough companion, but it's an honest friend. And I'm learning to make peace with certain things that I have to say goodbye to. As a caregiver, we all do. But as a human being, we all do. And but that doesn't mean I can't say hello to some wonderful new things as a caregiver as well. These are lessons that I'm learning, and I hope that's been important to you.

We've got more to go after the break. John is going to bring his wisdom to this as well. And aren't you glad we have John with us?

I'm glad. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization, Standing with Hope, when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager. And she tried to save them for years, and it just wouldn't work out.

And finally, she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel, to put legs on her fellow amputees, and that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with Standing with Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You can designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give?

They go walking and leaping and praising God. You can be a part of that at standingwithhope.com. As a caregiver, think about all the legal documents you need. Power of attorney, a will, living wills, and so many more. Then think about such things as disputes about medical bills. What if, instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help, you paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life? Well, we're taking legal representation and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full-service coverage.

Finally, you can live life knowing you have a lawyer in your back pocket who, at the same time, isn't emptying it. It's called Legal Shield, and it's practical, affordable, and a must for the family caregiver. Visit caregiverlegal.com. That's caregiverlegal.com. Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you? www.caregiverlegal.com, an independent associate.