What Do You Do With The Guilt?

What do you say to a caregiver?

How do you help a caregiver? I was talking to this billing agent at the doctor's office and said, how are you feeling? And she said, oh great It's Friday. And before I could catch myself, I said Friday means nothing to me. Every day is Monday. And I felt kind of ashamed of that and I'm sorry for that, but I realized that whole principle of every day is Monday. What that means for us as caregivers, we know that this is going to be a challenging day. And I wrote these one-minute chapters.

You literally could read them in one minute. And I'm really proud of this book. It's called A Minute for Caregivers, When Every Day Feels Like Monday. It's filled with bedrock principles that we as caregivers can lean on, that we can depend upon to get us to safety, where we can catch our breath, take a knee if we have to, and reorient our thinking and the weight that we carry on our shoulders. If you don't know what to say to a caregiver, don't worry about it. I do. Give them this book. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. How are you feeling? How are you doing?

What's going on with you? That is the central question we ask on this program. Not because we base everything on our feelings. We know that. But that's the starting point for us as caregivers to deal with our own voice, our own identity. A friend of mine recently told me, made a statement.

I thought it was pretty interesting for us as caregivers. He said, our emotions reveal our belief. So if we are fearful, what does that say about our theology? If we are anxious, what does that say about our belief? If we are despairing, what does that say about our belief? And I'm not saying that to in any way put condemnation on you.

I'm saying, because if you feel all of those things, congratulations, you're in good company. Because you can look through all of scripture and see mighty people of God struggle with this. You ever consider the fact that when you become a Christian, when you accept Christ as your Savior, your salvation from sin is guaranteed by the one at the cross. You ever thought that, why didn't he just go ahead and take me to heaven? Why live out this life filled with all of its hardships and pain and sufferings and difficulties and be done with all this?

How many of us as caregivers feel that way? You know, come on. You know, this valley of the shadow of death is a long valley. I'm done with this place. But he's not done with us in this place. As we live in this world, we are the visible ambassadors of the kingdom of God, and we are part of the church militant. We're at war.

When we step into glory, we become part of the church triumphant. Our labors have ceased. But we have labors to do. We have work to do.

And there's work that needs to be done in us. That sanctification process. Some may refer to it as that pesky sanctification process. And yet that is what the scriptures teach about what's going on with us. And so when I asked the Lord, and so when I ask you how you are feeling, I'm not here to have an emote fest. I'm not here to somehow, you know, delve into the touchy-feely part of so much of our pop culture psychology and things such as that.

It's a legitimate question. What's going on in your gut? What's going on with you? And whatever that is, that's worthy of a conversation. Why are we there?

And today I want to delve into a topic that I cover regularly on this program, but find the need to circle back to it. Because we struggle with this. I struggle with this. So I'm going to ask you a question about guilt. Do you feel guilty? And what are you doing with that guilt? Do you feel guilty? And what are you doing with that guilt? In our guilt, and I'm going to go ahead, if you'll indulge me with your permission, I'm going to go ahead and assume that we all feel guilty about something. Now for those of you who do not feel guilty whatsoever about anything, feel free to tune out this program. You don't need to listen. This is not for you. I'm just talking to the ones who are feeling guilty about something.

And as caregivers, I can tell you, not just from my own experience, but from the vast number of caregivers I've talked to, that guilt remains at the forefront. So again, I'm going to give you an opportunity. If you're not guilty, this is your chance to tune out this program and go on to something else. Okay? And go on to something else.

Okay? For those of you who decided to stick with this, let's talk about guilt. Let's talk about what that does to us. What's going on with us and what do we do with it? What do you do with it?

What do I do with it? A friend of mine told me years ago, I wouldn't hang around with somebody who treats me like I treat myself. Does that resonate with you? Think about the way that we excoriate ourselves. How many of you all have, in the quiet recesses of your mind, lambasted yourself just without mercy and tortured yourself in many respects over things that you've done or should have done, that you feel guilty for doing or for not doing?

And if you're like most human beings, we're all going to raise our hands on that one. Now, there's always the odd sociopath, but for the sake of argument, let's just assume that there's not a whole lot of sociopaths in this audience today. At least I would like to think not. But in my experience, I've never met anybody who didn't feel guilty about something. That's just my experience. I am no expert on anything sociologically, psychologically, or anything like that.

I'm just somebody who meets a lot of people and have this kind of conversation. And it seems to be consistent that we all feel guilty about something. And it nags at us. And we do things to assuage that guilt. We cover it up. We try to justify things, rationalize things. As a friend of mine says, we are vindication specialists. You ever feel like a vindication specialist? And yet, is it enough?

Does it work? Seems like we can't run fast enough to get away from it. And if we're ever quiet or we sit down or we have a moment of reflection, it comes at us in waves.

And we have to do something else to push that wave back, distract ourselves with some type of shiny object of some kind. You ever read Calvin and Hobbes? It's a little boy, a very precocious little boy, kind of like Dennis the Menace on steroids, you know, kind of thing. And he's got this stuffed tiger named Hobbes who comes alive when nobody else is watching and looking in his imagination. And so they have these adventures and often long philosophical questions that go on on the nature of life and the human condition.

And they're hilarious, but poignant at the same time. In one conversation, Calvin was trying to justify his actions and Hobbes pointed out the reality of his behavior. And Calvin grumbled and kind of had this look at his face that I would imagine I've had myself.

In many occasions, maybe you have as well. And he said this great line, he said, there's no problem so bad that guilt can't make it worse. Does that resonate with you as a caregiver?

There's no problem so bad that guilt can't make it worse. And in our world as caregivers, there is nothing like the acute care of somebody with a chronic impairment to bring out the horrific things in our soul. Our short temperedness, our exasperation, our sometimes meanness. All of the things that we would love to suppress and have no one ever see in a caregiving situation.

The pressure of it squeezes all of that out and amplifies it to deafening levels. We cannot help but see ourselves in a light that we really wish we did not. What do we do with that? What do we do when we see ourselves like that? And if you haven't seen yourself like that, again, this is not the program for you. If you have not held your head in shame and guilt, this is not the program for you.

But if you've looked in the mirror at times and you have felt despair because you see your shortcomings, hang on. We're going to talk about that. We're going to go into that place. And we're going to learn to deal with our guilt. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver. And hope for the caregivers at conviction that we can live a calmer, healthier, and dare I say it, a life that has a defined path on what to do with guilt.

We'll be right back. This is Peter Rosenberger, and I'm really excited to tell you about my new book. It's called A Minute for Caregivers When Every Day Feels Like Monday.

I compiled a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline to my fellow caregivers. Each chapter only takes one minute to read them. I know, I timed them. You can read them in order. You can read them out of order. You can flip to any page and you can read them out of order. You can flip to any page and you can read them out of order. You can flip to any page and you're going to find something on that page that will help you at that moment.

It's called A Minute for Caregivers When Every Day Feels Like Monday. Go to hopeforthecaregiver.com slash book. Hopeforthecaregiver.com slash book.

And you can sign up. We'll let you know as soon as it's available for pre-order. We'll send you a special bonus feature for it, sample chapter, all kinds of fun stuff. Go to hopeforthecaregiver.com slash book. I can't wait for you to read this book.

You're going to love it. I love that song with Gracie. I really do. This is Peter Rosenberg.

Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. Here, listen to this right here. Mr. Producer, let's turn this up a little bit right here. That is one of the first songs I ever heard Gracie perform. And I've had the privilege of performing that with her for now over 37 years.

And there's something that I get to have with Gracie that a lot of couples just don't get to have. And I'm extremely grateful. And if you'll indulge me just for a moment, I get to listen to her sing. And I play for her. We're both accomplished musicians. That in itself is very satisfying to be able to do music. But then I also have walked this journey with her now as her husband and as her caregiver for all these decades.

And think about all the life experiences you gather in a marriage that's lasted as long as ours. And then you think about all the poignant moments we've had in this very difficult journey that we have. And then when I sit at the piano and she sings, I have this ability because of our life together that musically I know where she's going. And I can follow her and support her as she sings these songs. And so when she's singing this song, for example, I know what every word of that song means to her. And so I'm going to play it as such. And it is one of the most deeply satisfying, enjoyable, rewarding, poignant, beautiful things of my life is when I get to play for her and she sings.

I don't know how to describe it any better than that. And I am grateful to be able to do it. I don't play for a lot of other people. I make it a practice not to, as a matter of fact, because I have musically what I have with her.

How can I, what compares? And so when you have somebody that you're connected with on a soul level that you can also connect that deeply on a musical level. I can tell you as a pianist, there's nothing more rewarding in my life than to accompany her when she sings. And I don't know if it'll happen or not, but it's one of my greatest aspirations is to be able to have her in front of an orchestra, you know, while we're doing what we do. And I could just, you know, I could just hear the strings come in. I hear the harp.

I hear all these, the woodwinds and the oboe. And I hear all these things coming in and I one day hope to be able to have that experience in a live situation. Don't know if it will. May have to wait for eternity on that one.

Psalm 37 4 says, delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. And that is a desire that I have that is one of the more all-consuming desires in my life is to be able to have that kind of musical experience to hear this woman sing in that setting. I believe it'll happen. I just don't know when, but I, in the meantime, she'll have to settle for me playing for her because I don't have an orchestra that travels around with me.

But I'm hoping that once she gets a little further down this path that she'll be able to get back in the studio and sing some more. That voice needs to continue to ring out. And I love the message of that song.

And then you took the pieces in your hand and formed them with a brand new heart. And that ties in so beautifully with what we're talking about. We've been talking about guilt. We opened up the segment. I grant it. It's a very exciting topic to talk about is guilt.

You know, welcome to an exciting radio hour with Peter Rosenberg. We're going to talk about guilt. But that's where we live as caregivers.

Do you know how many letters I get, how many phone calls I get from people who are struggling with this? They feel guilty over whatever. I've got to look at possibly putting my wife into the memory care center because she has Alzheimer's kind of guilt. Or I have to, mom made me promise we wouldn't do this, but here we are and I don't know what to do. Or, you know, I feel guilty if I just want to watch television. I feel guilty if I snapped and I lost my cool. I feel guilty if I, you know, fill in the blank. We all have done it.

And if you haven't, again, this may not be the program for you, but if you're a caregiver, stick around long enough and you will. You'll go through the litany of these things where you will see yourself in ways that you really do not want to be seen. And yet that is where we need to be. Because until we deal with that, until we see that, it's going to plague us and it's going to affect every part of our life. We will make decisions based on that reservoir of guilt that we know lurks down there that we try to run from and distract ourselves from.

And we'll make decisions based on that. We'll overcompensate. We'll try to distract. We'll try to assuage.

We'll try to medicate it. There's no end to what we will do to absolve ourselves or to in any way distance ourselves from that feeling of guilt. And yet there remains only one place where that guilt can be effectively handled. Now I want to take you back to the Old Testament for just a moment. The book of Leviticus. I know that this is taught all the time and everybody has Bible studies on the book of Leviticus on a regular basis, right?

Does sarcasm translate well through radio? We don't get into the book of Leviticus very much because it's a very detailed, complex, cumbersome, and to many, an off-putting book in scripture. We don't want to talk about that. Let's get back to grace. Let's get back to the Gospels. Let's get back to the New Testament. Some people here say, well, I'm more of a New Testament guy.

Well, okay. But you will see the gospel peppered throughout all of scripture, not just in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, not just in Romans. You will see Christ in every page of scripture.

For some pages it's very obvious, but other pages, not quite so much. And it requires a bit more digging, a bit more time, spending time in these passages of scripture to understand the context of what's going on, how all of this points to the cross. I remember a friend of mine talked about a homiletics professor in seminary who was teaching homiletics, a preaching class basically. And the students preached from up at the front while the professor and the other students sat in the back.

And it was rather intimidating, but that was the whole point of teaching these young seminarians how to preach. And at the end of every sermon that the student would give, whatever student it was, the professor would always ask, where was Jesus in that sermon? Where was Jesus in that sermon? And so I would suggest to you as you study the scriptures, look and see, look for Jesus. Where's Jesus in this? Because he's there.

I promise you he's there. And in Leviticus 16 you have this elaborate ritual of the day of atonement and the high priest and the behaviors that he has to exhibit and the things he has to do. Look at this in verse 20. When Aaron finishes making atonement for the holy of holies, the tent of meeting and the altar, he will bring up the live goat, lay both hands on the live goat's head, and confess all the iniquities of the people of Israel, all of their acts of rebellion, all their sins. He will put all the sins on the goat's head and send it off into the wilderness, let out by a man standing by and ready. The goat will carry all their iniquities to an empty wasteland. The man will let him loose out there in the wilderness. That's the scapegoat.

That's where the term comes from, the scapegoat. And he lays his hands and he puts all the sins of the people on that goat. Now, from Leviticus jump to Isaiah 53, this amazing chapter in Isaiah. Isaiah 53 verse 6. The Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Now, jump up to 1 Peter chapter 2 verse 24. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.

By his wounds you have been healed. Now flip back over to the book of Deuteronomy, that's after Leviticus by the way, and you'll see chapter 21 verse 23 says, His body shall not remain all night on the tree, but you shall bury him in the same day, for a hanged man is cursed by God. You can go through all of scripture and it's pointing to the cross where Christ became that curse, bore that guilt, and was taken outside the camp. And those sins were removed. Psalm 103 says, He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. So Peter is testifying that Jesus was raised up on a tree, bore all this. Isaiah said he laid all the iniquity. Leviticus is saying Aaron is going to put the sins on that goat's head, the scapegoat, and sin it outside of the camp into the wilderness. Where was Jesus crucified? Outside the city.

Could not be done inside the city, had to go outside. Now what does this have to do with caregiver guilt? What do you think? I've just read several passages here of showing the elaborate plan God has for dealing with guilt. Starting with Aaron putting his hands on a goat, sitting it out of the camp. Moses telling everybody, hey look, if anybody is hanged on a tree, he's going to be cursed. Isaiah saying that our sins are laid upon him, the iniquity is laid upon him.

Peter is saying this is what happened, this is what I saw. Psalm says that he has removed our sins from us. All of these things talk about what God says about our guilt.

What he intends to do. We cannot absolve ourselves. We're never going to make ourselves feel better about this. Guilt is a serious matter. There's a reason we feel guilty. Sin is a serious matter.

And all of us have it. And as caregivers we see our behavior erupt in horrific displays. And we are tortured by guilt. And I want to say to you, my fellow caregivers, the only place you can take that guilt. No matter what you've done. As Fannie Crosby said, the vilest offender who truly believes. That moment from Jesus a pardon receives. That is God's plan of redemption for our guilt. This is Hope for the Caregiver, this is Peter Rosenberg. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberg and this is the program for you as a family caregiver. And we are so glad that you're with us. Hopeforthecaregiver.com Hopeforthecaregiver.com We're talking about guilt today.

And I know, yeah, it's a really hip topic to talk about. Everybody wants to tune in and talk about guilt. However, this is one of the three things that paralyze so many caregivers. Fear, obligation, and guilt.

I call it the fog of caregivers. You've heard me say this. If you've listened to this program for any length of time you've seen me write about it. Because we get consumed by this. And then it affects our decisions. It affects our financial decisions. It affects our relationship decisions. Our professional decisions.

Whatever. Health decisions. How many of you all put off going to your own doctor. Going to your own dentist.

Going to your own counselor. Just because you feel guilty. Taking time off for you. All these kinds of things. Then you get into the area of sin. Where, yeah, there's going to be sin here. We have guilt because we feel various things of situational things. But then we have real guilt of things that we have done. We have caused damage. We have hurt people. We have offended people. And more to the point we've offended God.

And whether it's lie, cheat, steal, illicit relationships. Whatever. It's all there. It's the human condition. And I'm not excusing. It's a very serious thing.

It's a very sobering thing. Jesus gave his life for this. But now how do we deal with this?

What do we apply? Here people say, well I can't forgive myself. Well why not? I mean are you more holy and righteous than God? I mean that's what we're saying.

I mean think about it. I have gone to God. Scripture says if you confess your sins, he is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you of all unrighteousness. Now that's what the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the great I Am, El Shaddai, Jehovah Jireh says. But what say you? Well, I know that he forgave me but I can't forgive myself. Are you more holy than God?

I'm certainly not. And so I think what we deal with is we deal with the shame, the embarrassment, and the feeling awful about what we've done. And those things are worthy of feeling awful about.

Sin is a serious business. But what do we do with it? So do we just wallow in this or act like we're paying penance? Is this our penance as caregivers?

Is this part of it? Is this this punishment for something we've done? Is that what this is all about?

How many of you all feel this way? And as long as we allow ourselves to believe those kinds of things, we will stay mired in this. And we're basically saying, you know what, I know what Scripture says, but I really feel differently over here. And I think there's a point where we say, you know what, I have been crucified with Christ, Paul says in Galatians, one of my favorite verses in all of Scripture. I no longer live. The life I live in the body, the life I live as a caregiver. I live by faith in the Son of God.

Now, I'm not trying to add to Scripture, but the implication is the life I live as a caregiver. I live by faith in the Son of God. And what does by faith mean? Well, it means I believe him. Not believe in him, believe him. If you believe in God, well, congratulations, as R.C.

Sproul says, you're qualified to be a demon, because even they believe. But if you believe God, now go back and look at Genesis 15, when God made the covenant with Abraham, and Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him as what? Righteousness. If you believe God, take him at his word. Without faith, it's impossible to please God. So, every time you, by faith, believe God, you are pleasing God. By faith, believe that he has washed you clean. That you are redeemed.

And yes, you have a sin nature that you will battle for the rest of this life on this earth. And those things are being chiseled out of you, but you don't want to do that anymore. You want to do something different now. Once, when I was on this program playing, you know, name that tune or drop the needle, I heard the best testimony from a woman who called in when she heard me play, let me go to the caregiver keyboard, and she heard me play this song. And of course the song is, he touched me and made me whole. And I played this on the air, and I asked people to tell me what the song is, and then she knew the song, and I said, why is this song important to you? And she said, because I used to be one way and now I'm not that way anymore. And I just love that.

That was just, that was like one of the best calls I've ever had on the program in all the 12 years I've been doing this. And she got it, I used to be one way and I'm not that way anymore. Can we apply that in our life as a caregiver when we feel guilty? Some of us have made very serious mistakes. When you were reminded of those mistakes, a friend once told me a long time ago, you plead guilty and go straight to execution. Your life is forfeit. Your life, that's what it means to have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live the life I live in the body. I live my faith in the son of God. So everything that I do now has to be brought under the submission of the life of Christ, of what he has done because he, as scripture teaches, don't you know that you were bought at a great price? You're not your own. So yeah, those things were done and we may have to deal with the consequences of those things for a long time, maybe a lifetime.

Okay. My father often stated, God forgives instantly. Man takes a while, but nature never does. And these are sobering things that we have to deal with sometimes in our failures. Some of us have made horrific failures.

I have. And the consequences of that are for a lifetime. Forgiveness doesn't mean it doesn't matter. Forgiveness means we are going to release someone else from our judgment, even if it's ourself.

We're going to take our hands off of someone else's throat, even if it's our own. Who is best qualified to meet out that judgment? Even our civil authorities are sovereignly placed there by God.

Scripture teaches that, and we have a responsibility to obey those civil authorities and be model citizens. But there's also scripture that says when the unjust rule, when the wicked rule, the people groan, when there's no justice, the people groan. And ultimately that justice belongs to God.

He's the only one qualified to meet it out perfectly every time. And it is just for him to forgive us if we repent of our sins. He says he is faithful and just to forgive us. Not because of us, but because of what happened at the cross.

I just spit the whole last block telling you this. The sins were transferred to the one who was taken out of the camp. And the curse was put on him. And so every time you're reminded of those things, you go straight to execution. You plead guilty. Yes, I'm guilty. And you take it all to Christ because that's the only place it can go. So we as caregivers are not bound then by guilt.

And if somebody else wants to bring it up, yeah, yeah, did it. But I used to be one way and I'm not that way anymore, as the caller said to this program. And that is taken far from me. My sins are washed away. And my night is turned to day, as the old hymn says, and heaven came down.

We have to get Gracie out here to sing that for you all. That was the first hymn she ever sang in public. She was three years old. And she belted it out like Ethel Merman, from what I understand. I wasn't there. But it delighted her grandfather to no end to see his three-year-old granddaughter just letting it rip.

At First Baptist Church in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. And she did. So she sings it a lot different now than she did then.

But it was, she had one dynamic and it was wide open at that point. And when you hear it now, it'll just, oh, it'll just tear your heart out. But that's a great hymn. And so it starts with us as caregivers learning to rest in that. Now that's not going to come easily to us. Because we're bound up by shame.

We're bound up by all these things. And it takes a long time to relearn. Think about how long it's taken Gracie to learn to walk on two prosthetic legs.

How long it took her to learn to snow ski on them. It takes a long time. You have to adjust your thinking. So what does scripture say about that? Paul says, do not be conformed to this world.

Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. You see how all these things start to kind of blend together? It's almost like it's cohesive, isn't it? Yeah, I know.

So that's the point. It's a retraining of our minds as caregivers. So as we do these things, we are not bound by guilt. So if you approach a situation where you have to make a hard decision, and you have offended someone that you're caring for, and they use that as leverage over you is to make you feel guilty, to get you to do what they want you to do.

You don't have to do that anymore. You can make a decision based with a clear mind, not a mind that is bound by confusion or bound by guilt, because you were absolved in this because of Christ. Once you wrap your mind around that, it changes everything. And please don't misunderstand and think somehow I've got this, and I'm sitting up on a mountaintop being a sage and dispensing these things. These are things I have learned and am learning, and will learn more of tomorrow and the next day. I know a lot more than I did, but not as much as I'm going to know in a couple of months from now. As a pianist, would you not expect that I am better now as a pianist and I know more things musically than I did 40 years ago?

Well, yeah. Do you think I'm going to stop growing as a pianist, as a musician? Do you think I'm going to plateau out and be done with it? No.

I'm going to push myself musically for the rest of my life as long as I have ability to play and to learn and to appreciate music more. Well, how is that any different from walking in freedom? You remember that movie, The Man in the Iron Mask, about the Dumas story and the king was substituted for his brother and he had to wear that iron mask, the one that was wrongfully imprisoned, and when they took it off, he had to learn how to drink again. He had to learn how to eat again because he had been stuck in this mask. How many of us are stuck in this gilded? We need to learn how to live again. Before we learn how to care-give, we've got to learn how to live. This is Peter Rosenberg and we'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberg and this is the program for you as a family caregiver. Now let me ask you a question. This whole show today has been on guilt. I spent a lot of time on it simply because a lot of us deal with it.

In fact, I haven't met anybody yet who doesn't. But as caregivers specifically, we have very serious decisions that we have to make, okay, and we've got more coming. We have to function at a higher level than we would normally if we weren't taking care of somebody with an impairment.

And so things that we may have a lifetime to process out or to waddle through, we've got to deal with it sometimes in one week, sometimes in one day. Are we going to make those decisions better or worse if we are encumbered by guilt? If we are bowed down by guilt?

I'm not just talking about guilt over you snapped at your loved one because you wanted to watch a television show or you're getting impatient with them or whatever. I'm talking about serious sins that have sobering consequences and yet we still have to function as caregivers. What are we going to do? Some of you are in this place right now and I get that.

I've been there. Our responsibilities have not changed and we can sit there and allow ourselves to wallow in guilt and everything else or we can do what Scripture says. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive. Now I want you to understand that just, in other words, he said this is the right thing.

Just, this is right. He is just to do this, to forgive you because of the redemptive work of Christ. If you understand that that's what you're doing, God I'm a sinner. Did you know that the church, I heard this great quote, the church is the only institution where you have to affirm your wickedness in order to join. You will never be good enough to come to Christ. So you affirm your wickedness in order to receive that great gift of grace. The cross is offensive.

It is offensive. And you cannot, and anybody that preaches grace without first preaching the cross has done an unconscionable disservice to other people. God doesn't just say, well it doesn't matter, it's okay.

No, it does matter. And he put it all on Christ. The scapegoat, cursed, hung on a tree, all of that. He bore all of this, our iniquity in himself. That's what that means.

And he bought you at a great price. You may have to serve as a caregiver for the rest of your life. Are you going to do it better bowed down by guilt? There are consequences to our sins. There are consequences to our behaviors.

I get that. But we are much better equipped to deal with those consequences. If we run to this Jesus and say, look, I can't do this. My life is forfeit. I accept your salvation from me. I belong to you.

What would you have me do? And he does. He gives grace. He gives wisdom. He gives courage to make amends. He gives fortitude. All of these things that you see in scripture, he gives them to you in exchange for what?

In exchange for your guilt. All I had to offer him was brokenness and strife, but he made something beautiful of my life. That's the old Gaither song as well.

The Gaithers did a great work with their music. I'm telling you, he touched me and something beautiful and we can just go down the list, but it doesn't stop there. There's that level of theology. It's called compact theology. When you have it in a hymn, a poem, a prose like that. I'm going to have to go back over to the caregiver keyboard. This is one of the top 25 hymns that every Christian will know.

This is in the top five. And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Savior's blood? He died He for me who caused His pain. Charles Wesley wrote this incomparable hymn. Then he just burst into praise in the chorus. He says, Amazing love, how can it be that thou, my God, wouldst die for me? Amazing love, how can it be?

Look it up. That is one of the absolute best hymns ever written. And do you know how hard it is to feel guilty, fearful, resentful, or any of those other things when you are grateful? When you are so focused on the things that you have been given, the riches that have been bestowed upon us through Christ, it's hard to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. It's hard to feel ashamed. It's hard to feel guilty. In fact, it's impossible.

You can't because you're so focused on Him. It's not how lurid our tale is. And some of us have lurid tales.

Some of us have really ugly things in our past. It's how great the Savior is. Our great Savior. That's another great hymn. Hallelujah, what a Savior.

I won't stay at the caregiver keyboard all day long. But that's why I love these hymns. Because there are people before us who have gone through this. And they lived to write about it. They lived to sing about it. They lived to praise about it. They lived, not chained to guilt, but free in Christ. And I suggest to you, my fellow caregivers, that to do the job that we are tasked with doing as caregivers, it starts with us learning to take this guilt to Christ.

Of whatever it is. And if you need to involve a pastor with you to walk through some of this with you, if you need to involve a confidant, a counselor, whatever else, that's okay. But they're only companions along the road. They're not the place where you go to get absolved for this. They cannot do that. Scripture teaches that no man, no human being is going to absolve you of your guilt. That can only come from God. So, what a priest or a minister of the gospel is saying to you, your sins are forgiven, it is not under his authority that he's saying this. It is under the authority of Scripture.

And if they're doing anything different, then you need to get a different clergy. Because they don't have that authority. They didn't hang on the cross. They were not the scapegoat. They were not taken out of the camp. They did not have the iniquities of man put on them.

So therefore, they do not have the right to absolve. Only through Christ can we do that. And once you let that just sink into your spirit, just sit there for a while and think about that, it's going to change everything. It doesn't mean that your life will get easier. It may even get harder.

But you will be better equipped to deal with this. It doesn't mean that there aren't consequences for the decisions that you and I have made. But it does mean that we will have grace and strength and perseverance to endure those consequences. And that our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. Don't ever forget that he not only pardoned our sin, but he gave us his righteousness.

It's a double thing that happened here. The scapegoat was sent out. But the righteousness of God was imputed to us. In other words, we have Christ's righteousness. He took our guilt, the great exchange, and gave us his righteousness. Because now, not only are our sins paid for, the penalties paid, but we have righteousness so that we can live in righteousness while as a caregiver.

While still bearing the scars of our own failures. While doing all of those things. One day I'll tell you how I know all these things. But I think I've said enough on this subject today. I just know that there are some of you, because I get the letters, and I read every one of them. Don't always write back as fast as I should, or I'd like to, but I do get them.

And the Facebook messages, the things in our Facebook group, all those things, I get all of that. And some of you are struggling because you don't feel like you have anybody to be able to unburn your soul to. Don't unburn it to me. I'll rejoice with you.

I'll agree with you in prayer with it. But take it to the one who was taken outside this camp, outside this city, hung on a cross. The iniquities were placed onto him. He bore in his own body. His own disciple Peter testified to that. He saw it.

He was there. Even in his shame of abandoning Jesus. And don't ever forget. To me, one of my most poignant verses in scripture is when Jesus said to Peter, Satan has asked for permission to sift you. And then Jesus said, but I have prayed for you. And when you come through this, strengthen your brethren. That's the charge we all have. Because Satan has to ask for permission to sift us.

The things that you look back in your life and you cringe over. Don't ever forget. Satan has to ask for permission to sift us. None of those things are outside the sovereignty of God. But he prays for us. He's our great high priest. Sits at the right hand of the Father. And he prays for us.

That's why he left. That's why he ascended unto heaven. So that he could be there to pray day and night for us. And he sent the other helper, the other paraclete, the Greek word there for the Holy Spirit. The helper. He sent the other one to help us.

And we can reign victorious in this. Because our great high priest hung on a cross. Left the camp.

Left the city. And all the iniquities were laid upon him. He bore it in his own body. His life paid our penalty. He gave us his righteousness. Now he prays for us. And he's going to sustain us all the way to the end. And then come back for us.

Now, have I effectively addressed the topic of guilt for us as caregivers? If so, let me know. If not, let me know. Either way, you can reach me at HopeForTheCaregiver.com.

This is Peter Roseburger. We'll see you next time. You've heard me talk about standing with hope over the years. This is the prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie envisioned after losing both of her legs. Part of that outreach is our prosthetic limb recycling program. Did you know that prosthetic limbs can be recycled?

No kidding. There is a correctional facility in Arizona that helps us recycle prosthetic limbs. And this facility is run by a group out of Nashville called Core Civic.

We met them over 11 years ago. And they stepped in to help us with this recycling program of taking prostheses and you disassemble them. You take the knee, the foot, the pylon, the tube clamps, the adapters, the screws, the liners, the prosthetic socks, all these things we can reuse.

And inmates help us do it. Before Core Civic came along, I was sitting on the floor at our house or out in the garage when we lived in Nashville. And I had tools everywhere, limbs everywhere, and feet, boxes of them and so forth. And I was doing all this myself and I'd make the kids help me.

And it got to be too much for me. And so I was very grateful that Core Civic stepped up and said, look, we are always looking for faith-based programs that are interesting and that give inmates a sense of satisfaction. And we'd love to be a part of this.

And that's what they're doing. And you can see more about that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. So please help us get the word out that we do recycle prosthetic limbs. We do arms as well, but the majority of amputations are lower limb.

And that's where the focus of Standing With Hope is. That's where Gracie's life is with her lower limb prosthesis. And she's used some of her own limbs in this outreach that she's recycled. I mean, she's been an amputee for over 30 years.

So you go through a lot of legs and parts and other types of materials, and you can reuse prosthetic socks and liners if they're in good shape. All of this helps give the gift that keeps on walking. And it goes to this prison in Arizona where it's such an extraordinary ministry.

Think with that. Inmates volunteering for this. They want to do it, and they've had amazing times with it. And I've had very moving conversations with the inmates that work in this program. And you can see, again, all of that at standingwithhope.com slash recycle. We're putting together a big shipment right now for us to ship over. We do this pretty regularly throughout the year as inventory rises, and they need it badly in Ghana. So please go out to standingwithhope.com slash recycle and get the word out and help us do more. If you want to offset some of the shipping, you can always go to the giving page and be a part of what we're doing there. We're purchasing material in Ghana that they have to use that can't be recycled.

We're shipping over stuff that can be. And we're doing all of this to lift others up and to point them to Christ. And that's the whole purpose of everything that we do, and that is why Gracie and I continue to be standing with hope. standingwithhope.com