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"He'll Be Back, and He'll Bring Sunshine With Him."

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
January 28, 2021 3:30 am

"He'll Be Back, and He'll Bring Sunshine With Him."

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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January 28, 2021 3:30 am

These were words to Gracie from a psychiatrist friend of mine who saw me staying around the clock at the hospital and turning into a zombie. 

As caregivers, we tend to be tough, capable, and innovative. But just because we CAN do something, doesn't always mean we SHOULD do it. 

www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

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In show for you as a family.

Posted by caregivers for caregivers about caregivers and were glad that you with this is Gracie from her CD, resilient copy of that today I'll do it.

Hopefully caregiver.com just click on the link you can do a tax-deductible gift to this organization to stay with hope you've heard Gracie story. We have two program areas for the wounded and those who care for the and for the wounded is the prosthetic limb ministry and Gracie felt that many years ago when she you wanted to take the gift of prosthetics to other people and we been doing that we have been able to go to Africa lately because of the COBIT election stuff and that remains unclear when we can go back with our teams but we are the work continues. We just have little boy John that we sponsored his surgery for he's 910 11 Robin Robin noodles but I this out, which I survived on college, but he when he lost his leg would use for motorcycle down motorcycle hit him in the Gazan and their criterion Ghana on motorcycles this weave in and out of traffic coming there. Just like oh yeah you know it's it's really awful and hit the skid and it cost him his leg. Well, as his leg continues to grow you sometimes and this is happened for you get these osteophytes is little bone protrusions of the bottom of the agitated lip where prosthesis he needed surgery and we sponsored the surgery. So now he now that is healing up is doing fine and he can go and get prosthesis and we can help with that, but he needed some help. We felt like that was a good call to help sponsor that surgery get this one of the scenes were that wasn't necessary in our mission statement to sponsor surgery, but we adapted because well that's today's rapid right you you you had some rules that you knew about and you decided that this was not the type that out yet and when it has to yeah and so now we can get fitted again for prosthesis and into real well so if you would be a part of that go out to help the caregiver.com and see all about what we do. Just click on it and be a part of doing that. We talk about obligation and obligation is obligation as part of the fog of caregivers does have a conversation the other day with a friend of mine is asked me about the show and what happened with the show. When I started doing this I will list some things that were core to every caregiver I've ever known. I haven't met a caregiver yet doesn't get lost in what I call the fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt.

And that leads to heartache, anger and turmoil which put together spells out fog hat and and so on.

Fog at their what would he do when you come to fog when you slow down and the number one song for fog at Willis slow ride he host so try to Make it simple that I found this because I got lost in the sling. I lost myself I did not know how to do some of these things and I had to and running some very tough brick walls and I've been trying to spin the better part of all my time on the radio and speaking the books. Everything else is helping fellow caregivers. Prather hands off of the wheelchair or whatever it is they're gripping like just desperation and understand a better role for them as stewards of this and not is the end-all even though it's dire, been there done that nobody did that for me and an end and I had almost half so much trauma that it healed my hands off dramatically of this inside.

I determined I wanted to make sure the fellow caregivers understood. You know here this is okay for you to take your hands off of this.

Your loved one has a Savior you're not that Savior your steward and there really is a difference, but that obligation. It is a really tough thing to break it. It is hard to get you get locked into this is the way it has to be this is the way it was more like identity. You know it is and and and some people take a a real perverse sense of this. I had a lady that called in the other day and be careful how say this John so you got me on this, but she called in to taking care of her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law was elderly but didn't have really any kind of impairment other than she was.

She was pretty out elderly.

Yet note no cognitive decline right or or or yeah but but basically they date she homeschools her family and like pretty much everybody is doing to help. But when the mother-in-law because they all jump to it. She goes over this will have you done with the feast of love just love it.

You know, I just I'm second. I just make myself secondly better and she said that multiple times and I stopped her and I felt like I it was appropriate for me to say is that you know I found that when you are constantly referring yourself a second that can lead you down a martyrdom role and every time this mother-in-law says jump. They just said how hot and and I thought that doesn't sound real healthy and I said no I am not second in my means are not sick to Gracie's. I must be flexible okay you have to be flexible. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be been out of shape.

You and I but I've heard a lot your jetsetters the first time I heard about Phil but but if there's a true axiom blessed of the fact flexible. We need to be flexible and I said your kids if they keep hearing you say you I'm second of second and you have six children.

How long before you're saying I am seventh and seventh and I said maybe a better path would be to say were learning to be flexible in this and show leadership instead of this. What would really, it's almost like a sycophantic martyrdom, thing where you have execute when you really, rejoicing in how much you put yourself down while there is a healthy know it's not an end this this bear with me. Of course, because this will be a little bit of a little bit of a walk bites you, I find that people want a lot of people really just want someone else to be the decider to be that you want that and it's it's not about laziness, thing, or whatever, but they just they were really like that structure of of of of some somebody else's doing it for them.

Or so they don't so they don't have to take any of the response beyond themselves. Maybe, or for any number of different reasons and the joke that you know like where you want to eat honey on or how about X states that I that I do not eat that place. You know bites. There is a there is a certain appeal to being second certain personality types and it doesn't usually end well. So yeah, I don't see how it could, particularly caregiving role or things only get this this mother-in-law. For example, did not have any impairments unite it once she's trained this family to Joe is that she calls for. And then she starts going to impairment she's recalling a lot more you know, and all of a sudden Montana's gold classic. Well I'm sick and I'm sick and I'm second and then also that turns into the R word which is resentment and and then we get in a situation where where where relationships start to disintegrate and and this is where I found was a huge trap for caregivers. Yeah. And I think that her birth and I'm caught a mistake bites. I think the first issue with with that mindset is ranking people at all like that and and that you eat your we talk about what we have. Take care of yourself.

Of course, and that's that's it's a kind of like choosing yourself as as number one bites but even even thinking like that. In terms of ranking because it is knows there's no subordination like you said earlier like you have to be flexible yet I cannot write Gracie's needs is higher than mine or my needs is higher than hers or lower than hers. They are what they are and their equally important. We have to have flexibility in how are GoToMeeting and sometimes creativity can help her to meet and that that those are okay in a good that goes back to all right with you to bend the rules and in we don't have to have it a certain way. For example, living let me is one things until the street was a take care yourself or the people they had it become so tiresome in her ears that we just we just kind of glossed over it. So I try to write, paint a picture what this looks like Christmas time is a perfect time to to see that we must have this type of meal for dinner. We must have this we must have this we must have this you know and also realize know it's Christmas but we're going to do a little different this year were going to have maybe a smaller tree or maybe were not to have the Christmas goose for dinner that I have tacos. If you have AOL may, or may be something you know a foldout paper turkey yes and and for us. I remember when we started coming out here to Montana back in the 90s and what is the traditional Christmas dinner who have limited our like Mike became. Some point out that you putting for the note. We have the the love people have turkey and dressing again after Thanksgiving that have these things are pumpkin pies all the stuff well when when when the boys and I am Gracie started coming out here for Thanksgiving way back in the night before Christmas with decadent in the 90s. Our Christmas dinner became stakes really good steak that twice baked potatoes and steamed broccoli. And whatever you know and the kids would help me make the twice baked potatoes, grace, and to this day still love to do it and that's that's Christmas dinner to our kids. That is not a traditional Christmas dinner but we made it for us because it worked for us. We knew with the traditional Christmas dinner was we've had it like to appreciated but for what we wanted to do.

We want to do something different and so we did and and I think that's what I'm hoping that my fellow caregivers can get out of this is understanding. You know, okay I know this is the way it's always been done, or the way you think. It's always been done. But here's what we can do as a caregiver and and somebody needs to come along and give them permission to say you know it's okay to to to do this.

It's okay for him never forget John, I was staying around the clock at the hospital with grace during so many of those surgeries LSE around-the-clock. No kidding around the clock and I'll sleep in that chair next to her bed and shamefully shares And she would Udo toss and turn her scream and grown and doctors and nurses coming in all hours that night and everything and I was I was turning into a zombie and but I felt like I had. This was my job I do.

And Gracie can insisted that I stay there with you because out of fear she did want me to leave because you know if she was she was scared the kids were way. Grandparents and she was scared and and I was I was just I was out I was drowning literally nothing. I was really coming apart in a very very good friend of ours who is also a psychiatrist who blesses Artie's help save us, but he looked at me and he came in and he looked at meetings did you go home right now, go home and I was like, not that he said no he would take any argument you go home and you get some sleep. You want talk if it was known there was no discussion and so and and he he said they got Gracie. I'll work with them. Make sure everything's all her meds are okay and everything else and she's to be okay. You go to sleep and I went home and end anybody but he said something else to be before Lefty said Gracie.

He will he will bring sunshine back into this run when he comes back, letting go, we were just kids. I look back at how we did this because we were kids. Yeah, you know, I have children older than I was at the time dealing with this email and so I look back at that lesson is a painful lesson is a hard lesson and I remember going home driving home I felt so empty and I'm doing the wrong thing. I felt guilty that I remembered the tone of his voice. He said you go home and I did and I just out of sheer faith, except that what he was saying was good counsel and I did and it changed my life while I really there's something you said there that really hit a chord with me and not a parallel fifth that good. Now is probably not a diminished 20 to bites.

He said when he comes back he will bring sunshine into this and don't that metaphor really like it.

So you had took you had to go out and get sunshine. It wasn't in this room.

Sunshine was not here cannot find it here. You have to go out and get and it sounds like an active thing, but this was a little but more of a passive thing. The sunshine will be obtained through this getting some rest.

Getting good night sleep doing all the things but you can't you can't get like I need to bring sunshine in it in his room with Gracie what manner do I get so I'm trying to bring sunshine. You can't do it wisher.

They are all the time because sunshine isn't here. It's out there or it's in your bed or it's no him in front of steak and asparagus on whatever will the right it is it it it that's not its natural environment and an II have found that to be the case with way too many caregivers over the years and if I do nothing else with the show and with my books with everything else. If I can somehow capture what this man did for Gracie and me and put it in a way that my fellow caregivers can understand so that they are not in that situation where there with her truly coming apart at the seams.

Maybe and maybe a cat maybe there already, but since but at least I can speak into that with with the voice of experience in counseling site look, this ain't yours to fix, but in because it can't cure, go get some rest and I I've got one position on the show right now looking at them on Facebook live watching the show said those words to and have watched tears well up in turn this over the caregivers got more to go. Don't go away. All of this is about helping us stay strong and healthy and safe rest will be right. Have you ever struggled to trust God when things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brittle to happen to me. But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help 24 seven emergency support increasing safety, reducing isolation, these things are more important than ever. As we deal with the challenges of covert 19. How about your vulnerable loved ones. We can always check on them or be there in ways we like.

That's why there's constant companion seamlessly weaving technology and personal attention to help push back against the isolation while addressing the critical safety issues of our vulnerable loved ones and their caregivers. Constant companion is the solution for families today. Staying connected staying safe. It's smart, easy, and incredibly affordable.

Go to www.mycompanion247.com today. That's my companion. 247.com connection and independence for you and those you care about my companion. 247.com the path of safe housing going with you that's that's the overarching question everything we talked about on the show is for you to be able to express in your own voice in your own from your own heart.

How you feel about and in the context of okay yeah bring 35 years of this to help you understand and okay there is a path to safety for you.

It doesn't mean that is not to be fraught fraught John front front spell it John F.

RAUGHDPHROT the PIP fraud is that it doesn't mean that Stephanie fraught with tears. It enters as a Chris get off that not all tears are evil. You know, and we we can it's okay to grieve it out. In fact, is important to grieve it out in a healthy manner. But what happens is all too many caregivers are just wound so tight because of this obligation getting that fog of caregivers.

We can't see straight. We can't see clearly. We don't know what were going and yet we are pushing the pedal to the metal and we are full speed ahead, and we don't know where were going over making greater time you're an icy road and you see a curve coming to slam on the brakes. I drove back in Billings the other night. Gratian had to go to her processed to see a man about a leg and a week week we went over there to to get her legs worked on and it was driving back and there's winter guys panic now to input of indirect rotate about but I the road back was pretty dicey because it was a winter advisory whether never they give winter advisory warnings in Montana. Let me just say they kids.

It's not a ploy to get people to go to your local grocery store to get milk, bread buttered and sandwiches comment in Nashville having you to a flake of snow and everybody empties the shelves, but in Montana you know it think they mean it and they're prepared for to hear you learn to drive it.

But it doesn't mean it's not a little bit frightening and that drive on the way over there wasn't snowing and the speed limit on the interstate is is 80 miles an hour, which is really more of a suggestion, yet they don't.

There's nobody there to enforce that. But on the way back I can promise you I wasn't going 80 miles an hour or 90 is the case of PP I can promise and nobody nobody was putting aside a process you need to slow down because common sense told me that really slick and I need to slow down and I don't slam on the brakes when I come up with stuff I just can keep it easy, even at and not panic about it, but drive slower. How much more so as a caregiver. I don't care what the speed limit signs this you go with the speed you're comfortable slamming in the ditch at okay and if you don't feel like slamming in the ditch at 50 miles an hour, then don't go 50 miles an hour well put.

Slow down. Nobody was telling me to to to drive carefully and responsibly. There is no sign that said that the said said the speed limit was still 80 miles an hour I could've got 80 if I wanted to yeah and you have these to you in it.

At the risk of over using authorities obligations and there's a little bit of pride that that will will get you in their own lives, not just a little bit.

It's a lot now. I'm hoping there's a perverse sense of pride. This is look at what I can do I can bring home the bacon fat up in a pan never let you forget about me and look at what I could, you know consequence one kitten about deadly sins same and and that arrogance and pride of thinking I can do this I got this know you don't and you are welcome to go 80 miles an hour on an interstate filled with snow and ice in the dark and when I say dark out here Montana by the late John, I mean dark had driven through Montana will once and it was an absolute delight via one of Dr. yeah, it was still with us right right. This was during the summers. I was pretty bright. It would if it was the darkest sky like regular the lease light pollution. I have ever been around in my entire life and it was humbling it it is it is beautiful and it is worthy of experiencing unless visibility is a big part of what you better do to keep yourself safe right yeah but it's dark. Did you got to go slower and you got to be careful and back. I got to I was driving careful.

I was driving slow but when I got home I was exhausted. See what I did.

I rested as I was tired it you draft 200 something miles in snow in Montana in the dark. You'll be tired emotionally become emotionally tired and I and so I thought about us is caregivers how much more so are we doing with this in the speed limit set 80. I could've legally gone. 80 miles an hour, but why would I want to associate you my fellow caregivers. You can go as fast as you want to go the speed limit is 80 go 80, but why would you want to. When you can't see very well when treatment conditions are treacherous slow it down, especially your slower new to being a caregiver that you know you're going so you make a great day of wearing the early going off the cliff but slow it down.

Breathe slower hawk slower eat slower do everything slower. There is no rule that says you have to run around like a madman, you just don't have to. And in this is this is this is what I painfully learned okay speed must be clear, I I did not learn this smoothly. There a lot of ditches out there with with with my face on it.

You know I did and I have a lot of claims for to the Hutto club with my face on it and I I I I hate that. I cringe over okay. But here's what I've learned.

Slow down and the rules. I did not have to go 80 miles an hour I made the circumstances adapt for what I felt like was appropriate at the time and I went slower. Gracie looked at what point she's white Left hook it up.

They could, you know you had a car wreck that got us into this the first place. What you want to go faster.

You know and and in this she said to Bilodeau. Okay, you know, but I was going slow, I was driving Miss Gracie and I was when I was a whole watch and I was not in a hurry because I needed to be safe and I will leave you with this, my fellow characters you need to be saved, and I know that still feels and the first step for safety is often just slow down just slow down okay breeze slower think slower hawk eat slower so for the care Spiros John Butler was so glad that you join us. They will see you next time will program the weeks that we at least give it to you. Lots of going to hope caregiver.com. Thanks for being a part of the journey with us today.

Thanks for sharing this is John Butler and I produce hope for the caregiver with Peter Rosenberger. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talk to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey.

Take a listen Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach.

Did you ever think that inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and arms everything when you see all this. What do you make me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to me like someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out course meeting in the hospital so much and so long and so that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as as one man said something good family with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled. Now I had no idea and I thought Peg leg. I thought of wooden legs. I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex the sea legs and all that. I never thought about that as you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people. Now walk there, providing the means for the supplies to get over there. What does it do to you. Just on the heart level. I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I could be able to go and say the this guy right here Denise go to Africa with that.

I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave.

I don't want to leave them. I I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with what you think of the faith-based programs. The core civic offers. I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the man that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one are.

It is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't happen and I think that says so much that has anything to do with me just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people.

If people want to donate or use prosthetic limbs, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody well groomed. You've donated some of your own for them to have it, how they do that please go to standing with hope.com/recycle staining with hope.com/recycle.

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