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Caller Seeks to Reconcile With Caregiving Sister She Abandoned

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
September 24, 2020 3:00 am

Caller Seeks to Reconcile With Caregiving Sister She Abandoned

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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September 24, 2020 3:00 am

Feeling she was falling apart and going under, Gina from Texas called the show to share how she abandoned her sister as they struggled to care for their father with Alzheimer's.  Struggling with this, Gina seeks to reconcile, and we discussed this on the show. 

Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

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Christmas gift why not want chicken chicken maybe it's not the for your family but it is the perfect gift for poor family ninja chicken can break the cycle of poverty for poor family yes chicken chickens and provide nourishment for family and they can sell mosaics at the market for income when you donate a chicken or any other gospel for Asian 1% of what you give goes to the field, and basketball went gospel fundraiser to support family. Jesus family this Christmas, give them six explanation see chickens and camping Gina Texas Gina good morning, how are you feeling how are you and your wife. Well you know what we seem to be rocking run long periods of beautiful weather we had 4 inches of snow on Labor Day and then it was 80 yesterday so go for it is it's hard to know how to if you should pull out the water close yet or not but that was codified a liberator what she loves the snow and it was fun to watch that but were doing okay what you got on your mind, and he shall eat.

I'm calling about the grumpy nap. We don't talk because I initially went. I wouldn't say that only care about the primary caretaker job no matter what the attorney work really manifest itself in different degrees according to that is a very good question that affects so many say with your diversity. What would you hold a break to talk about. This is hope. Build relationships or work together with other family that is a question so 589 88 sitting sponsor for what we do here at home for the caregiver is standing with hope is the minister grace enough. Many years ago when she wanted to provide prosthetic limbs to refer the way 50s we been doing that since 2005 and two program areas for the wounded and those who care for the wounded is the is the amputee related ministries that we have.

We collect used limbs from all of the country they go to prison and inmates volunteer to help us disassemble them so we can recycle the parks within the parts that we buy new parts and then we take teams over to West Africa we been working with the Republic of Ghana for many years with the government. We teach and equip them to make legs little people that will purchase things in country we just purchased a bunch of resin to make brand-new sockets fit for each patient.

We just purchased sponsor the lakefront young man we been treating since 2007 I think and you amputees will go through prosthetics grace yourself as a double beauty and she sends over her own things prosthetic socks in letters and sleeves and hardware from her prosthesis as she goes through and it's it's a wonderful ministry and then we have for the wounded and those who care for them.

That's what this is, this whole outreach to family caregivers if you will be a part of that we would welcome your help. Go to hope the caregiver dot-coms click on the button since donate and whatever's on your heart will send you a copy for CD about that and it's great. She said no Kinsinger I were talking with Gina in Texas and she's got a family that is dissolved under the strain of caring for father with Alzheimer's and how you how you heal and and that's what we're addressing here today. So Gina your sister has all the power of attorney and medical power of attorney relic and stuff, but you're doing all the work. Is that what I understand what I'm going I don't know what needed I want to know. I don't want you wearing going to Call me you know I like you.

You and this is sadly not a unusual situation and so let's let's let's back it way up okay.

Did you and your sister have fractions in your relationship fractures in your relationship before your dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

Okay so you guys have not had a great relationship for some time will help you any good.

Well, what happens is if there's any kind of fracture in the relationship. Being a caregiver will expose that amplify that to just almost crushing levels.

If you got anything going on. It will push the pressure of that particular with Alzheimer's. The pressure of it is just staggering. So what's happened is that it took you and your sister from the a truce relationship that we just had a headache the truth that you stay away from certain subjects and so forth to now assist full-blown battle lines, so to get back to the place of any kind of reconciliation is good be a lot of work and it's can be work that is way outside your purview to be able to orchestrate. You cannot make your sister be reasonable. You cannot make you be reasonable. You cannot make either one of you forgive, you can't do those things by yourself is going to take a lot of work.

Words that start well the first place may be to sit down with some type of family counselor, social worker, licensed mental health counselor somebody pastor somebody though that can at least have a conversation with you and start giving you some better tools to reach out to your sister then that then then you develop a way to reach out to her.

It may be a letters that go through her daughter. You just go to her if you can go to her relentlessly say look, I don't. I don't want to fight with you. I will work this out. I don't know what that looks like, but this is where my heart is what to want to have that relationship with you and I want to be a partner with you and taking care of her father. If that's something you want to express that to her in multiple ways in multiple times because it's gonna take a while for her to number one believe you wouldn't be able to count on and and so these are things that you have to own yet you bail but you don't need to get into all the drama of why you did. You said look I would when people are drowning.

They could pull somebody down with them just to be able to get here. That's what happens and that's exactly what that's exactly what you did and so you were you were ill-equipped with the pressure and in the suffocating journey and I get that we all are, but now it's time to go back and reassess okay. Where are we and what are we doing here and and what's what's the what's the next step for us and so I would I would start with that, I would start with understanding that part of the journey of being a caregivers learning how to make amends and were going were going to get it wrong. One of things I got a book call seven caregiver landmines and one of the things we talked about his excessive weight gain and this is what happens to us because we are we are not in a healthy place. Our bodies reflect what's going on in our hearts and and so you have these moments of overage of depression, of anger, whatever is all the Comanche, so if you can get to somebody who can help you consistently walk through that and give you the vocabulary of what it's like to go to your sister.

You don't have to. You don't have to grovel you have to stay focused on your message on what you try to accomplish or do you want to have a peaceful, loving relationship with your sister once you answer that question. Do you want to help her take care of your father and once you've established what your goals are, what you're trying to get out of this thing. Then you can go to her and offer these things that she's probably going to be a little bit reticent to get involved.

Since ICR is she didn't want to deal with. And like you said when you go to the store, you sear the store and she's just shooting daggers at you with her eyes.

She all the pressure you're feeling. She's feeling with your with your father. She's feeling that now 2+ the added resentment of all the things going on with use of this could take a while to detangling this if at all, and some of these things don't get the tangled you need to be prepared for that. Some things don't get fixed the set, a heaven doesn't mean that God can't do it doesn't mean that God won't do it just means that the nature some these things are that you cannot force somebody to be agreeable with you. You cannot force things and try to get the outcome that you want, but what you can do is be as upfront and be as clear and BS is amenable to God healing this as you possibly can. And that's what you asked for help from Scripture, and you asked for help from people around you who are professionals at this and and you can't go in there with your airing of grievances. If you going to try to help your sister yet to accept the fact that some of things that you have that are grievances or whatever, they're not necessarily be addressed. You not to get all the things that you want, but that's not the point you're trying to offer and try to push into something. Be prepared to get rejected. But that doesn't mean you quit if it's important to you.

Stay with it and go back to what our Scripture was a day with this widow said she needed something from the sky and he wasn't going to budge, but she just wore him down what you can do the same thing with love to do the same thing with making amends the same thing with offering to help wear them down so that they will believe your sisters got believe as I give you a starting point. All right, listen rep gets the break speed.

Roseburg will struggle to trust God when lousy things happen to you and Gracie Rosenberger 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brittle to happen to me.

But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com. I'm Gracie.

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