"Let Nothing You Dismay..."

Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger and this is the program for you as a family caregiver. How you doing? How you holding up? What's going on with you?

That's the whole point of this program is to see how you are doing. You know, I tell you that a lot of people gonna ask about your loved one, but I'm asking about you. Now why is that important?

Think about that, okay? Why is it important for somebody to ask about you? You're the one that is standing between somebody with a chronic impairment, an even worse disaster, but if you have lost yourself in someone else's story, if you've lost your identity through this journey, how does that benefit your loved one? It's not about narcissism, vanity, or things such as that. People get caught up in that. That's not what this is about. What it's about is saying, let's have a real conversation about the felt need of what you're dealing with, what's going on with you in those late-night moments when you're having a conversation with the ceiling fan, when you are just driving down the highway weeping and wondering where is God in all of this.

These are real conversations that we can have now because we're dealing with that issue. If you're not dealing with it, if you just say, well I'm fine, or they're doing okay, and you just slough it off, it's not gonna get any better. It's not gonna change.

It's not gonna improve at all. It's gonna fester, and when we get it out, it's like putting, you all, many of you all, have dealt with wound care issues. How do you clean a wound? What does that look like to clean a wound?

You ever had to dress a wound, make some kind of complex dressing, and clean a wound out, and debris a wound? How do you debris it? You use a saline solution. You irrigate it out. You clean it with some type of antiseptic, or you know, if you're wanting to torture somebody, you use that Mucurichrome, that, you know, that stuff that we painted on us when we were children.

That stuff was terrible. But how do you do this? You got to irrigate the wound out.

You got to get the gunk out, and that's what having a conversation about how you are feeling, and what's going on with you, because that's how you get the gunk out. Now that's only step one. There's a second part of the equation, and I will direct your attention to exhibit number, Psalm 13. How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God. Light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemies say I have prevailed over him, lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. Now that's the first two-thirds of this very short psalm. There's only six verses. Now let me read this to you.

That was in the English Standard Version. Let me read it to you in the message. Long enough, God, you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain. Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me. Take a good look at me, God, O my God.

I want to look life in the eye so no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face. I love sometimes going through different translations or paraphrases to see and understand a clearer meaning of the text. I mean, I don't speak Hebrew, so it's very difficult for me to go back into the Hebrew and understand the density of that language. So I read it in all these different translations that we have available to us.

Here's in the New International Version. How long, Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have some sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me? Do you get the message, though? This is a very troubling place for David as he's writing this, and it sounds an awful lot like some of the things I've said as a caregiver over the years. I didn't necessarily quote this. I wasn't being very spiritual and reading scripture.

I was just like, really, God? And if I say that to someone else, they would get uncomfortable, and I have, and I would express what's going on in my heart, and they would get uncomfortable, and they would want to clamp it down and say, no, no, you've got to do this and this and this. And no, you don't. You start with an honest conversation about how you feel about it. You're not doing this as a sense of blasphemy or disrespect or narcissism or all the things that people would want to say. You're simply saying, this is what's in me, and I've got to get this out. I don't know what to do with it, but once we get it out, then what do we do with it? That's the question. How do we fill that space?

How do we put any type of antiseptic on that wound? And I go back to what David says in the last two verses, but I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me. Now, can you pray that as a caregiver? Can you say, I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me as you watch somebody decline or treat you poorly or struggle or suffer or all the above?

Can you say that he has been good to me? And I would suggest to you that if you can't, then you have not been well acquainted with the gospel. I maintain, and I will say it for the rest of the time I have a radio program and everything else that I do, sin is a bigger problem than we think it is, and the cross is a bigger deal than we can ever imagine. We are here at the time of year where we celebrate the incarnation. We, if we're not rejoicing like the angels came out that night and rejoice in total, in mass, they just, I mean they flooded the heavens in front of the shepherds. If we're not keeping our eyes focused on that, then we probably don't understand what happened at the incarnation. That God came to earth and put on flesh and what that means for us.

That he has dealt with sin in such a way that we are spared something so horrifically awful. We can't even imagine. I remember somebody asked RC Sproul do you think hell is a literal lake of fire? He said no, I don't.

I think it's far worse, but those are the best words we have to describe it. We cannot imagine what God has done to redeem us, and the more we understand our desperate plight as sinners, the more we become enraptured with what God has done through Christ. Becoming incarnate and going to the cross, being raised again, and ascending to the heavens where he sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty.

And he intercedes for us, and he prays for us. David by faith was writing these things understanding, he didn't understand who Jesus was per se, because he didn't know him. But you go look at Hebrews 11 you'll see by faith all these people did all these different things. Starting with Abraham who believed God and it was accounted to him as righteousness. Not believed in God, believed God. Demons believe in God, they know he exists. The book of James talks about this. You say you believe in God, well congratulations you're qualified to be a demon.

Believing God, taking him at his word, believing him that he who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it. That's what we replace these things that you heard David just say in Psalm 13 1 through 4. How long oh Lord you're gonna forget me?

And then he flipped it and he said but I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise for he has been good to me. Now the question I have for you, I have two questions.

How are you doing? And number two, do you believe what I just told you? And if you do believe it, why? And what are the implications of that belief? How would that change your circumstances right now as a caregiver? As you're looking at someone who is declining or suffering or struggling with some type of chronic impairment, that belief, what does that do to your circumstances? Now you understand why I ask you how you feel because we're gonna have a conversation about that so that we can get it out and then we can put the Word of God onto it so that we can have hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and I will be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and here I am on the caregiver keyboard playing one of my favorite Christmas hymns, Angels We Have Heard on High.

We just talked about this in the last block. I love this. I love playing this hymn. I like to throw in that chord right there and then go to that minor sixth quarter.

I have to throw in a modulation. This is a fun hymn to play. You just can't help but get caught up in this when you play this. And you go to this right here. And then I do this, that minor sixth chord and the five of five and then you do the oh I love just love playing this hymn. My mother listens to this program every week and mom thanks for the piano lessons.

I appreciate you and dad doing that. I really do. You can just almost picture the angels kind of dissipating and the shepherds are left just what just happened. You know what just happened here. I just love it.

Thank you for indulging on that. I love Christmas music. I love playing Christmas music. I love playing it for you all on the caregiver keyboard and everything about Christmas music I love. I was down at the bank the other day in our little town.

It's a little frontier town out in Montana and they got an old piano in the lobby there and friends of mine all work at the bank and I was doing some business. So I played them some Christmas carols and you could just the whole room changes when you sit down and play like that. I mean it's just there's something about these wonderful Christmas carols and so I'll do that throughout all of Christmas here on the program if that's okay with you. But sometimes it's just good to sit down and play these wonderful hymns and think about the message of them and they're timeless. I mean they're what is Christmas without angels we have heard on high or heart the Herald angels sing a little town of Bethlehem.

You know what is Christmas without those wonderful hymns and I go back and listen to the Charlie Brown Christmas special that we all grew up on. I mean it's been around for what 50 or 60 years and you got the Vince Guaraldi trio I think playing the music on that. I think that was who it was and man it's just I mean listen to that guy play. Oh it's just gripping and I would love to be a better player. I'm trying to be. I'm working hard and trying to be a better player and and put in more interesting chords and and but not for the sake of saying hey look at what this guy could do on the piano.

It's more like do you hear what this text is saying. I just love that and I'm thank you all for indulging me with music. It's a big part of my life music is and so I never want to get too far away from that because that's that's who I am. That's how I've dealt with my journey as a caregiver and I'm grateful for the music that Gracie and I have been able to do together and we've got more coming. I've got a several songs in the pipeline here that we're getting the tracks ready for her to be able to do her vocals with us so she can kind of live with them even though we've got to go into the hospital at the beginning of the year. I want to give I'm gonna make her work and she it's good for it because she was I mean I'm as a pianist I wish I could sing. I really do. I can carry a tune okay but I'm not a singer but when I met Gracie and I heard her sing for the first time are you kidding me? I mean good gracious and and it's not that she's got a nice voice a lot of people have nice voices it's the way she sings a song. I was playing her new song thankful which by the way please go get this song it's such a great song if you want to go out and download it from wherever music is played Amazon music iTunes whatever it's called thankful Gracie Rosenberger and I played this for our nephew and he looked at me and he's you know he's not a young man he's in his late 30s almost 40 and and he said boy a song sure takes on a different meaning when aunt Gracie sings it and it really does and she she does an arrangement of Mary did you know that'll just tear you up I mean that part when he gets to and the lame will leap the blind will see the lame leap the dead will rise again that line when she sings that she'll usually say and I will leap it's just I mean it it every time it just gets me every time when she does this because I I know the journey that's brought her to this point and I could hear it in her voice and I I'm enough of a pianist that I can provide a proper platform musically for her to be able to express herself and I want to be better because there's more that that she wants to to say musically and I've just got to work on my chops to get better at it so that I can properly accompany her and I think that is um you know I know I'm a caregiver I do a show for caregivers I write books for caregivers but I didn't start out being a caregiver I start out being a pianist and a musician and I love these old hymns particularly this time of year with the carols and I love what they say and if you are struggling today as a caregiver do yourself a favor pick up a hymnal particularly a Trinity hymnal and just look at the text I was talking to somebody the other day and they were straining really hard to be a good Christian don't don't make me go down that path and try to unpack all that they were really working at you know I've got to be good enough for God kind of thing which you can't be but that's the starting point where they were so I just met them where they were and I said do you know that old hymn rock of ages oh I love that hymn she said I love it I just it's one of my favorites I said have you ever paid attention to the lyrics she said what do you mean I said there's a line in the first verse it says nothing in my hands I bring simply to thy cross I cling do you realize what an amazing statement that is nothing in my hands I bring simply to thy cross I cling Rock of Ages cleft for me I think this is such a place of freedom for us not as caregivers as human beings that we don't bring anything to the equation the only thing Martin Lloyd-Jones said the only thing we bring to salvation is the sin that required it now think about that what that means that's not a woe is us and we're just a bunch of worms that's not what the point of that is the point of it is to talk about the magnificence of what he's done so that he gets the glory and give him the glory as Fanny Crosby said for the things he has done great things he has done what part of glory do we get to own what have we done you get the point and that's why we have that magnificent hymn angels we have heard on high sweetly singing over the plains and the mountains in reply echoing their joyous strains I put that on our Christmas card this I had a beautiful picture I took of the mountains covered with snow rising above the clouds and I put that line and the mountains in reply echoing their joyous strains Gloria in excelsis Deo shepherds why this Jubilee why your joyous strains prolong what the gladsome tidings be which inspire your heavenly songs come to Bethlehem and see him whose birth the angels sing come a door on bended knee Christ the Lord the newborn King see him in a manger laid whom the choirs of angels praise Mary Joseph lend your aid while all our hearts and love we raise Gloria in excelsis Deo you know and it's just such an amazing text they came out and say because he did what he said he was going to do it's not about us nothing in my hand I bring simply to thy cross I cling that is freedom for us folks because we have a Savior who did it all if it was up to us I heard one great quote if you could lose your salvation you would you know it's not up to you he chose you he chose me anybody tells you different are trying to earn their way into heaven by somehow doing something even if they're saying you know I've figured it out I found God I made the decision he plucked me out of despair the psalmist said pluck me from a miry pit even the faith that I have is a gift from God what have we done to this now you understand why we could join with those angels and cry out this Mary and Joseph lend your aid the hymn writer says join in because look at what has happened and the more we understand this the more it's going to put in perspective everything we deal with as a caregiver that's why what I talked about in Psalm 13 in the last block when David was groaning over the the stuff that he was dealing with which is real and painful I get it it Jeremiah did the same thing Jesus did the same thing but the more we focus on the goodness of God and understand the reality of what he's done the more our hearts leap within it for the joy set before him he endured the cross Paul says you know Christ in us the hope of glory I has not seen ear has not heard do you see the theme here this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope greatest I faithfulness Jeremiah says in Lamentations 3 do you see the theme and so we as caregivers in the midst of our distress in the midst of a hospital room in the midst of rehab in the midst of looking across the table from someone who doesn't even recognize us in the midst of watching someone we love decline and suffer we can still anchor ourselves in this knowing that sin is a bigger problem than we think it is and the cross is a bigger deal than we could ever ever ever imagine Gloria in excelsis deo that is what anchors me that is what sustains me I don't bring anything into this equation he has given me the will to be willing he called me remember when Lazarus came out of the tomb Jesus didn't invite him to he didn't say hey Lazarus what do you think would you choose to come out he didn't say that he said Lazarus come forth and he said Peter come forth and he says to you come forth and we answered that call because he breathed life into us and we say Gloria in excelsis deo this is Peter Rosenberger and that by the way is hope for the caregiver we will be right back Peter Rosenberger he's not a preacher but he's got great hair welcome back to hope for the caregiver this is Peter Rosenberger and this is the program for you as a family caregiver hope for the caregiver calm hope for the caregiver calm tidings of comfort and joy I love Christmas music I love these old Christmas carols with a new that's a great arrangement by the way the group Chicago did that and it's a these are such powerful text to save us all from Satan's power when we had gone astray Oh tidings of comfort and joy and God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay do you know I think everything I do I can't help it everything I do is in the context of being a family caregiver that's shaped my entire life now but as an adult I've been doing this you know since I was 22 so there are a lot of things that I've seen in my life that have led me to dismay and to great sorrow and heartbreak Gracie and I have faced this so when I hear texts like this I wanted to speak directly into that deep place in my life where I've looked at things that are dismay worthy and we all have them but there's a greater dismay that even our circumstances as caregivers and that's what this hymn is referring to let nothing you dismay in other words there's an implication by the text writer of that hymn and I can't remember who wrote that but there's an implication that there are things that are dismay worthy in this culture in this world that we live in and the the text writer said don't worry about all that kind of stuff and that is a that is an echo of what you see throughout Scripture don't look at these things and be dismayed Corrie ten Boone said you know look at others and be distressed look inside be depressed look at Jesus and be at rest I'm paraphrasing Corrie on that and you know think about the truth of that statement where are your eyes and the more we understand the gospel the more at rest we become knowing that his sovereignty trumps all of this that we are not in bondage to fear and misery Paul really understood this you know writing from in chains and he said that the sufferings of this world are not worthy to be compared that's hard it takes a long ways to get to that place and it takes a lot of understanding of the gospel and that's why I think these Christmas carols endure so much because they're such condensed gospel message that God did what he said he was going to do which was to send his son and be the incarnation I saw a great clip the other day I got to put it out there on social media or something share it but from Sinclair Ferguson on the the awesome wonder of the incarnation if we could ever wrap our minds around just how big a deal that is Diane Langberg who's been on this program before wonderful psychologist I would recommend reading her her stuff and you could see stuff about her on YouTube and follow her on social media has dealt with trauma victims for a lifetime that's what she she's done that she's a psychologist and particularly when dealing with sexual trauma and and then she gets into she really goes after ministers who have traumatized people in their flock and and she calls it ministerial abuse and and rightly so and she's got a book called suffering and the heart of God I would highly recommend you getting this book and get a lot of highlighters because you're gonna fill up the entire book with highlight I mean it she's a dense writer it's very easy to read I mean she's not a complex writer I'm reading another book right now that it's not not as well written as I would like and it's it's just it's laborious to get through and some writers are like that they write more academic or that kind of thing and hers is not she she's easy to read but it's so dense that you have to go slow because there's so much there of what she's saying it's very profound and she deals with so much trauma and in in the light of the gospel and ministering to that and the challenge to Christians to do so but she I try to get this quote right as best as I can so you know I'm hoping I do right by her but she said something in this book about this terrible word in our English language called they they let me explain the context she's talking about is when we use the word they well if they didn't do such-and-such or if they didn't live like this or if they didn't do and it there's an implication that our decisions and moral moral choices or morality our status whatever is superior to whoever we're using the word they to in almost a pejorative type of way we're saying well you know they didn't do this and you know that's their you know and and she goes on to say the only person who can say they is him and he became like us so that we could be with him you see God is other he is not us we anthropomorphize God we try to put our values we try to put a humanness to God and that is to our a great mistake to do so because he is not like us but he became like us so that we could fellowship with him and be reunited with him those who he called and do you see the difference now we can know him truly but we can't know him absolutely because we're never going to be like him now there's some outfits out there that teach that basically we're on some kind of spiritual cosmic escalator that God used to be like us and he evolved to be like he is now and then one day we're gonna evolve to be like he is now no no it doesn't work that way scripture in no way teaches that he is other but he became like us God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day even though technically Christmas Day I understand that's a they took poetic license on that because I don't think he was born on December 25th but that's a separate conversation we could have another time to save us all from Satan's power when we had gone astray Oh tidings of comfort and joy and I think this is such a central message for us as family caregivers we are dismayed regularly we look at things that dismay us our hearts break on a almost perpetual basis some of us are watching a slow-motion funeral and you know they call Alzheimer's the long goodbye but there's not just the funeral of our loved one some of you all have a special needs child and you regularly attend the funeral of the hopes and dreams that you had had some of you have a spouse that is looking out the window and doesn't recognize you anymore or anything else and you're going to the funeral of the dreams you had of spending your older years together there are so many things in this world that calls such heartache and pierces and yet this hymn says let nothing you dismay well why is that and and I would suggest to you that the more we understand the magnificence of the gospel of what it meant for God to put on flesh and become like us to become human so that he could ransom captive Israel Oh come Oh come Emmanuel as the other hymn says do you start to see the theme here we sing so many of these songs regularly but do we pay attention to them particularly the Christmas hymns if you go through and look at a lot of the Christmas carols that you're used to hearing and just look at the text go back to what I said in the last block about this woman I was talking to she came out of this religious environment where everything had to be performance oriented and yet when I asked her about Rock of Ages oh yeah I love that him who doesn't like Rock of Ages I mean everybody likes to him but have you paid attention to the lyrics let me go to the caregiver keyboard here here's the third verse nothing in my hands I bring simply to thy cross I cling naked come to thee for dress helpless look to thee for grace and I put that really cool chord there under the word grace because I love that word grace foul eye to the fountain fly wash me Savior or I die spend a little time with that text in the context of let nothing you dismay why do we let nothing us dismay because look at the text the author of this hymn he understood this and he takes it straight from Scripture Paul said the same thing I had anything I bring any righteousness of my own I bring his filthy rags somehow thinking that we're going to do something for God we're gonna add something to do this we're gonna be obedient because he asked us to be but why why are we doing that you see our dismay comes when we realize that what we struggle with is far worse than we think this is not some type of addiction that we're going to positive message our way out of you know hang in there buddy keep doing it you're gonna overcome this sin you're gonna overdo that no it's not this that the only the only antidote to what we have is far more dire the only antidote we have to our condition is crucifixion and that's what he did and that's where we are identifying with Christ in his death now you don't have the crucifixion without the resurrection if you have no resurrection there's no hope but God resurrects not us we don't resurrect ourselves Jesus was resurrected the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead raises us who identify with him in his death but that's his purview not ours and that's why nothing can dismay us because if we're identifying with death just like Christ died we identify with him in his resurrection trusting God has raised us from the dead do you understand the gospel of this do you understand that nothing in my hands I bring simply to thy cross I cling foul out to the fountain fly wash me Savior or I die that is what the hymn writer was saying when he said let nothing you dismay God rest ye merry gentlemen this is Peter Rosenberger and that is hope for the caregiver we'll be right back welcome back to hope for the caregiver this is Peter Rosenberger and that is Amy Grant I went way back into the groove yard for that one that's that takes me back to wow I think that was in 1984 when that record came out and I think she and Michael W wrote that one and I think Shane Keister's playing on that one wonderful keyboard player in Nashville and it was just it was an amazing Christmas record and she's gone on to do or so many great Christmas songs and but that one is you remember I mean you remember that song surely y'all remember that I mean we're of that age and you've heard it a long time and it's you know the production even though it's got a 80s it still kind of works and it holds up with those great techno synthesizers and everything else and it was just a great record I enjoy that record immensely I'll never forget when it came out we jumped on it so anyway that's a I digress I told you I love Christmas music I just love it and that's a particularly good Christmas record she's gone on to do several others that were just spectacular in there and so many have done so and and I I just love them I love them all and our favorite is a record by Kenny Loggins December that I still think is one of the best Christmas records out there I just absolutely adore that and my kids and I mean that's still our favorite Gracie we all love it but we stopped playing it on Christmas morning because it's it's a little bit nostalgic and sentimental and reflective as a lot of Kenny Loggins music is and we end up going with more festive things like what you just heard on Christmas morning but right as you get the closer you get to Christmas Eve you start dialing it down have you ever noticed that I mean we're not rocking out on Christmas Eve usually I mean I don't know many people that do I'm sure that people that do but most people get rather sentimental on Christmas Eve and they want something a little bit more reflective and a little bit more reverent toned down depending on where they are but just an observation all right I'm gonna switch gears for a little bit and leave you with this on my sub stack page I have a sub stack page caregiver sub stack calm you could go out there today Peter Rosenberger Peter Rosenberger calm it's all out there and this is one of the excerpts I put out there from my book a minute for caregivers and this is called caregiver authority and I want to kind of leave you with this bit of insight I get I gleaned over these four decades of this and and I put out these little one minute chapters every Monday and the book is titled a minute for caregivers when every day feels like Monday so I thought well every Monday I put this out there's free you can go out and subscribe you have to subscribe to get it notification of it but it's free there is an entire library of stuff that you can go behind a paywall for if you want to access that but this I put out there free every week and I put out other things as well and I would love for you to take advantage of it it's free take advantage of it and the book I wrote it to be just-in-time help for family caregivers who are struggling don't try to go through all this by yourself I've got it on audio I've got the Kindle version I've got the print version and you don't need to do this by yourself I've I've plowed in this field for a while okay the learning curve is pretty steep if you want to try to do it by yourself that's your business but I would recommend not doing it and don't let anybody else do it if you if it's within your power to do it friends don't let friends care give alone it is a hard job it is a tough job but here is this chapter called caregiver authority weary of condescension from a physician years ago regarding Gracie's condition I leveled my gaze at him and stated with all due respect doc I was taking care of her when you were in junior high school so how about we keep this in perspective we may not know the science but we know our loved ones that knowledge and experience provides us with something I coined caregiver authority quality practitioners recognize the benefit of enlisting our hard-won insights after dealing with over a hundred physicians and countless nurses I learned years ago that training doesn't make one a better human being it simply provides a skill set sadly for some those skill sets can elevate a sense of importance part of our job as caregivers is to advocate and sometimes that means standing up to people who are dismissive or look down upon others including our loved one and sometimes ourselves it's uncomfortable to wield caregiver authority but if we don't what happens if we're wrong we apologize and make amends to the best of our abilities but if they're wrong the consequences are far more dire and I put a quote at the end of that from West Stafford which I love this quote I spend half my time comforting the afflicted and the other half afflicting the comfortable I just thought that was a great quote do you have caregiver authority yes you do if you've been a caregiver for any length of time for your loved one you have caregiver authority you know your loved one you don't know the science most likely I mean you may and we could certainly learn it we're bright people caregivers are high-functioning multitaskers and and we're adaptable and resourceful and we learn how to do things that are far beyond what we thought we would do but you don't have to have an MD you don't have to have a highly trained skill set to know your loved one to know that something's amiss something's wrong to see trends and patterns and behaviors and to be able to articulate those things you can do this and any doctor any nurse any practitioner of any kind that dismisses you because you don't have quote-unquote training is somebody you probably don't want to spend a lot of time with because they're ignoring a valuable resource asset which is what you are as a caregiver you are the most important asset to your loved one that is on this earth they're not going to have a better one who's that who's advocating for them like you and it's important for you to recognize that own it embrace it not run away from it yes it's a little fearful at times and yes it can be a bit intimidating I've been I'll never forget the first time I faced down a surgeon I was right and he backed up one this doctor I was referring to in this article that was another guy and I've had to do this over the years I had a counselor that would come to the hospital mental health professional that came in one time and got all up in my business and everything else and I was just like no I'm not taking this from you you don't get to roll down your window and drive by and make a diagnosis on something that's got this much history to it you you need to stand and learn before you start just you know throwing things out like what you think she didn't like that at all but I didn't I didn't care I've been doing this too long and it's not that I'm all that brave and it's not that I'm all that wise I'll tell you what I am I'm just that tired and I just don't have the bandwidth and the energy and the shelf space to deal with other people's craziness and I bet you don't either so let's recognize the fact that we have authority in this and we can see here but here's the thing we got to use the right vocabulary because that's what's going to set the table take the word should in need out of our conversations and go with instead in my experience here's what I observed here's what I witnessed here's what I know not what I think not what I feel in that regards not what I I hope to or desire but what I've seen here's my experience with this your experience is unimpeachable it's yours and it's okay to stand on it that's the whole point of giving our testimony to bear witness in our Christian walk I'm not here to tell you about something I heard somebody else tell about Jesus I'm here to tell you what I learned what I've experienced you know the song is he touched me not he touched you he touched me you know and and that's the whole point is that our experiential understanding of what our loved one is dealing with that we're seeing and we are a valuable resource and it's okay for us to stand up and it's okay for us to raise our hand and it's okay for us to push back there are people in medical facilities that run at 90 miles an hour sometimes sometimes they run it at a snail's pace and move at half the speed of smell but for the most part the medical world is churning all the time and your loved one and mine require a little bit more than just the churn and who's going to stand up and say this is what has to happen and if you don't feel comfortable with that I understand that I really do but I wrote a book to help you be more comfortable to give you the words to give you the insight for this things I've learned the hard way sometimes brutally now if you don't want to take advantage of that resource that's on that's on you that's your decision have at it I hope that works out for you but I will tell you the learning curve is steep and if you want to hear from somebody who has been in these trenches for a long time the book is called a minute for caregivers when every day feels like Monday so take advantage of it if nothing else just get the Monday free missive that comes out from my sub stack page at caregiver sub stack calm you go out to Peter rosenberger calm and it's out there on my blog post all that kind of stuff is out there and while you're out there if you see something that you like that that you think would help you take advantage of it incorporated I'm a magpie I steal from everything I you know I'm like Milton Berle who never met a joke he couldn't steal I find appropriation for doing my job as a caregiver everywhere and I've aggregated it to make it simple for my fellow caregivers we are committed to this and it's the end of the year and if you got a place that you want to help support with it if you like what you're hearing on this program you think it has value get involved you can do that out there at the site to Peter rosenberger calm just go out there everything's out there and you can be a part of what we're doing through standing with hope is the presenting sponsor of everything we do it's end of the year tax-deductible gift we'd welcome the help this is Peter rosenberger and this is hope for the caregiver thanks for listening we'll see you next time you