When the Trauma of Caregiver Hampers Perspective

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This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. And we are glad to have you with us. 877-655-6755 if you want to be a part of the show, if you're following along on our social media sites at Hope for the Caregiver, our Facebook page. We also have a Facebook group too, Hope for the Caregiver group that you can join. A couple of questions you have to ask to be a part of it that we try to filter out and we try to make it just to save places to kind of hang out as a caregiver. We post stuff there. But on our Facebook page at Hope for the Caregiver, I put a lot of comments, cartoons. I like a lot of cartoons. John, I have found that cartoons can carry such great truths and I'm a huge fan of the far side and Gary Larson's come back.

And so I find those things, but I try to find things that are applicable that just drive home a little point. And it's all about perspective changing, all about perspective changing. And this is the way we're going to make it as caregivers is we have to see things from a different perspective.

We are so blinded by the trauma of what we're going through as caregivers that it's very difficult for us to even see the path. And I remember one time we did a project, Gracie and I did a music project some years ago. And she wrote in the credits to it, one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever seen. And she said to my husband Peter, who has spent so long carrying me to heaven but couldn't see the road himself. And I was trying so hard to make sure Gracie got all the things she needed from getting her to Jesus, whatever I got to do, but I couldn't see the road very well myself. And I think about those guys, remember the story in the Gospel of John? I think it was, maybe it was in Mark, could have been in Matthew, but it was there.

I know I've read it. But the guys that tore up the roof to lower the paralytic friend down to the roof. You know, I've always thought about those guys that, first off, I've wondered whose roof did they tear up? How much they needed to be lowered down to Jesus as well? Did they ever consider how much their need of a Savior was? And I've always thought about that.

Maybe that's something I'll be able to ask one day when I meet these fellows in glory. But it's those things kind of, as a caregiver, I got to tell you, those things just kind of hit me. I always thought, I always felt like Martha got a little bit of the sword into the stick from Jesus. When she was complaining about, you know, Lord asked Mary to help me, you know, I'm over here slaving over a hot stove, you know, kind of thing. And Jesus is like, nah, she's doing what she's supposed to do. And I'm like, wow, man, that felt cold, man.

I was like, Jesus, what, what are you saying to her? And I understand, I've heard this spoken in the sermon and I get it. Right. So we don't need any letters.

We got it. I'm not questioning the Lord on this other than what am I missing here? Because obviously I'm missing something here because I have felt like that where I'm like, man, I'm doing everything. And Jesus over here spending time with Mary and affirming her that she's not even lifting a finger to help me kind of thing.

So I really, I really understood that. And I think if my fellow caregivers are honest, I think this is, there's no theological judgment here. And we're not, this is not, John, I'm in the weeds here. Help me, John.

It's very easy to identify with Martha and to have someone, this being Jesus, that you admire, that you, you know, like this person is important. And, you know, and to see that you are, hey, I'm over here doing something that I know is work that I don't really want to be doing if I had my druthers. But then having to resolve those emotional issues is something with which you identify. And I think we all can on occasion. I got to tell you, that's something that is, I've never shared that on the air. And now we know why, John. And now we know why. I've never shared that on the air, but I have struggled with that.

And I'd be curious to find out if other caregivers do as well, but I don't know. But it's one of those things that I, as I've wrestled with. The reason those stories end up in the book is because they're identifiable flaws. I mean, they're things, they're flaws with which we can all identify. Oh, yeah, that's me. That's me. And so I, I just, I want to, this will not be the last time we do this, talk about this. But the next time we talk about it, we're going to go even deeper and deeper and deeper. Because I think this is the issue for us as caregivers, that it doesn't matter how good we can change addressing.

It doesn't matter how good we can multitask or cook and clean and deal with doctors and all that kind of stuff. If our hearts are broken, if our souls and spirits are crushed under the weight of somebody else just constantly flinging stuff at us and we're believing lies. And this is what happens when you deal with somebody who is impaired emotionally or with substance abuse or under the influence of some type of alcohol or addictive medicine, even if it's prescription related.

If they're impaired, mental health issues, please, please, please, as a caregiver, I'm asking you, please, please protect your heart from this. Please do this and go to the source, go back to scripture and anchor yourself in how much God loves you. Start there, go through the Psalms and look at, go through Psalm 13. It's a very short psalm.

I've read that one many, many times. And you hear David start off with these things, crying out, just, I mean, he said, you know, my bed is just covered with tears, but then he keeps re-anchoring himself in the provision, the faithfulness of God. And you see this theme repeated out because you're not alone in struggling of why is this going on?

Why is this so messed up? And yet these, these wonderful saints that came before us who are just like us, just as messed up as we are, just as flawed as we are. And they keep finding these, these nuggets to hang on to in the midst of very difficult circumstances.

And then I ask you to please cultivate people around you. And if all you have is this show, then listen to this show, you can download the podcast for free. We have almost 500 episodes and we have, this thing has exploded. It's wherever podcasts are. John, our podcast is from all the data I have, we are the number one podcast for caregivers in the world. I mean, there's nothing, I don't even think anybody's even close. And there are a lot of podcasts for caregivers, but what we've done here is something just, it's exploded.

So, exploded. So high out there in podcast land, everybody. So if you are, it's free, take advantage of it.

Wherever you get a podcast, you can just, and share this with people if they're on Apple or whatever. But the point is, is that if this is your starting point of just this show, then we are privileged to do so. To be that voice that speaks into you with clarity and speaks fluent caregiver and says, you know what? You are doing something extraordinary. You truly are.

And you are an extraordinary individual. And what you're dealing with is brutal. And we ask you give the respect to the trauma that you're taking on in your own heart. And this is a place where you can hopefully catch your breath.

Take a knee, and then let's start developing healthier strategies for you to live a calmer, healthier, and dare I say it, a more joyful life. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. John, as always, thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. Great insights.

We'll see you next week. Hey, this is John Butler, producer of Hope for the Caregiver, and I have learned something that you probably all know. That Gracie, his wife, lost her legs many, many years ago and started a prosthetic limb outreach ministry called Standing with Hope.

And recently, they ended up with a rather unique and unexpected partner. Peter had a conversation with Gracie, and take a listen. Gracie, when you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach, did you ever think that inmates would help you do that?

Not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by CoreCivic over in Nashville, and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country, that you put out the plea for, and they're disassembling. You see all these legs, like what you have, your own prosthetic legs. And arms, too.

And arms. When you see all this, what does that do to you? Makes me cry, because I see the smiles on their faces, and I know, I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out.

Of course, being in the hospital so much and so long. And so, these men are so glad that they get to be doing, as one band said, something good finally with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled? No, I had no idea.

You know, I thought of peg leg, I thought of wooden legs, I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and sea legs and all that. I never thought about that. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that they're helping other people now walk, they're providing the means for the supplies to get over there, what does that do to you, just on a heart level? I wish I could explain to the world what I see in there. And I wish that I could be able to go and say, this guy right here, he needs to go to Africa with us. I never not feel that way.

Every time, you know, you always make me have to leave, I don't want to leave them. I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that I would have never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had an experience with it, what do you think of the faith-based programs that CoreCivic offers? I think they're just absolutely awesome. And I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and the other ones like it, but I know about this one, is just an amazingly low rate. Compared to those who don't have them. And I think that that says so much.

That doesn't have anything to do with me. It just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate a used prosthetic limbs, whether from a loved one who passed away or, you know, somebody who outgrew them, you've donated some of your own for them to do. How do they do that? Oh, please go to standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Thanks, Gracie.