What I Named Gracie's 82nd Operation

Hey, this is Larry the Cable Guy. You are listening to Hope for the Caregiver with Peter You know, healthy caregivers make better caregivers. How do you stay healthy as you serve as a caregiver?

What does that even look like? That's what this program is about. Whether you're taking care of somebody with special needs, a child with special needs like autism, whether you're taking care of somebody who has a trauma, some type of event that has happened, somebody that has an addiction or an alcoholic in your life, somebody who is dealing with Alzheimer's, whatever it is, there's always a caregiver. If there's a chronic impairment, there's a caregiver. Caregivers are the ones putting themselves voluntarily between a vulnerable loved one and even worse, disaster, but caregivers need help too. How do you help a caregiver? Why should you help a caregiver?

Because if the caregiver goes down, what's going to happen to that loved one? It's a two for one deal, isn't it? That's why we do the program. We're glad that you're with us. I'm doing the program today remotely from Denver, where I've been here for now a week and a half, almost two weeks now, with my wife through her, that I can count 82nd surgery. This was a big one. This is the biggest surgery she's ever had. It was almost nine hours. What they had to do, and I appreciate the prayers.

When I last spoke with you all, I told you we were heading to this way and it reached a critical mass and we had to do it. Twenty something years ago, they fused her back. Bilateral amputees, my wife is a double amputee, both legs. All this is a result of a car wreck she had back in 83. Bilateral amputees, both legs, they tend to hyperextend their back and so her disc started to deteriorate.

They fused it. The way they fused it back then, over 20 years ago, it pitched her forward just a little bit. Over the years, she kept leaning more and more and she lost the curvature of her thoracic area in the spine and so she had what they call flat back syndrome. She was bent over now at about 40, well, more than 40 degrees and it was getting worse. She couldn't function this way and she had to use canes to kind of push up against it so she wouldn't lean over so far, but it was wearing out her elbows and everything.

It was starting to reach a critical point. We've known this was coming for some time, but it's such a big surgery. We've kind of put it off as long as we could, but life has a way of dictating when these things are going to happen and so we did and it was a very big surgery. She just got out of ICU a week after the surgery was over and she's still not in a regular room and won't be for some time.

It's just a long recovery. The surgery went very well. The surgeon was very pleased. In fact, when I went into the room there in ICU after the surgery and I noticed she was laying flat for the first time in a very long time, well over 10 years and it's still going to take a while for all the muscles and everything to kind of work together and this new position she's in, but we think that it's been a very successful procedure for her and now the long recovery takes place. When I went into this surgery, I kind of thought about this because I'm no stranger to this and I've done this a lot and I know part of what Gracie deals with in the hospital and how painful her reality is. I went through my first surgery with her three months before we got married back in 1986. That was my first surgery with her.

She'd already had about 20 or so by that time. I'd like to think I've come a long ways in understanding the dynamics and how this all kind of works and what my role is. I've said this often on the program from an interview I had a long time ago and they asked me, what's the biggest issue you've dealt with in your years as a caregiver? What's the hardest thing for you?

Hands down, it is knowing what is mine and what is not mine. Do you ever overreach as a caregiver? Do you ever try to take on things that aren't yours that you're tempted to jump in and try to say, we've got to do this, we've got to do this, we've got to do this? It's a fine line that we have to walk. In that process, you have to show some restraint at times. You don't want to tell people how to do their jobs, but at the same time, if I don't give them enough information, then bad things can happen. Those of you who've done this long enough and in serious situations understand that bad things can happen.

I've seen her fall in the hospital, I've seen her go into seizures, I've seen her go into respiratory rest, I mean all of the above. I've had to learn over the years that I'm kind of the walking historian of her chart and the more information I give them without telling them how to do their job. I really was very careful this time to use language that reflected that. When they asked me about her history and so forth, she was unconscious for the first five days after this thing. When they asked me about it, I said, well, in my experience, this is what we found. We did this going up to the surgery.

We kind of gave them as much biographical information as they could process in order for them to make the best decisions. I would say stuff like words like, in my experience, this is what I have found. This is what I witnessed. I think there's a scriptural principle in that.

If you go back and look in Revelations, they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. Their testimony is their personal experience. I don't know the science of a lot of things that go on with Gracie. I know some of it, but I'm not trained in that. I know Gracie, and you know your loved one.

We have what I like to call caregiver authority, whereas we've witnessed this. We know these things, just like in our relationship with Christ. We don't have to talk about Jesus. We know Jesus, and we talk about what we know, what we experience as believers. People say, well, I don't have the gift of evangelism.

Well, do you have the gift of relationship? Because if you know somebody, you can talk about it. Well, I know my wife, and I could talk about how she's responded to certain things, what I've witnessed, and give the attending physicians all the information that they need, and how she can respond to certain things, and so forth and so on.

Then you kind of back off and let them do their job. This is a teaching hospital where we are at Denver. These are really, really well-trained, smart people, and it's been a very cohesive team approach to taking care of her. They recognize that she's way out in the hinterlands of patient care. She's just been through a lot. At one point, the anesthesiologist, before going into surgery, she came in and just spent some time with Gracie. She's been an anesthesiologist for a long time, very, very well respected there at the hospital.

She just patted her hand, honey, you've had too many surgeries, and she has. That's what you want. You want to cultivate those kind of relationships with the medical providers. They're people too, and you want them to see your loved one as a human being, not as just another number.

They do. These are people that work very hard to take care of people, and I've been very pleased with all this. I stood back and observed, and I've watched, given enough information, and then back off. That's hard for me, because in the past, I would come in and say, okay, I have a whole list of things you need to do, and I can't do that.

Quite truthfully, none of us can as caregivers. We try to give the best we can, but it's a tough place to walk. At least it is for me. I don't know about for you, but it is for me, because I don't want to overreach. I found that in my journey with this, I have. But this time, I've just tried to be very assuring to Gracie. The other thing I've done is I've named this procedure.

I have a name for it, and I want to talk about that when we come back. I felt like if I went into this procedure with a little more clarity of thought of what my role is and how I'm going to respond to her, then that gives her that much more confidence as she goes into a very fearful place. We're going to talk about that and how we stay strong and healthy as caregivers.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver, Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers, and part of being healthy is knowing that you're calm, that you're secure. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver, and I love listening to Gracie sing that song. I know she's going to be singing again in the not too distant future. She's got to get through this hurdle that she's gone through. The last word she said in pre-op, and I wheeled her to the surgery door, and then they stopped me. Even though I told them I was Dr. Rosenberger, they didn't believe me. But it said, no, I'm just kidding. But the last word she said before going to surgery was, he who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus.

It's an extraordinary faith. She told her surgeon, she said, look, you promised you're going to pray with me before we go into this surgery. And he did. He's a big time neurosurgeon, and he did. We don't ever dismiss the power of prayer, and I know that so many of you all have prayed.

I've got the notes, and I appreciate that very much. The surgery was very successful for her, and now we have the long recovery process, and so there's a lot of work that goes into that. But he does know the plans that he has for you, and he who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it, not only just for Gracie, but for me and for all of us. If we find ourselves in Christ Jesus, trusting him with this, knowing that he's not abandoning us, he's not leaving us alone, we're not thrown to the wolves here. I had to stop at the surgery door, but God doesn't.

And he uses these very, very bright people who do extraordinary work. And I want to tell you something. This just struck me, and I may not say it all right, because like I said, I'm doing this remotely. I've been in ICU with her every day. They're letting me go up there. I tell them I have a picture of Dr. Fauci in my pocket.

No, I'm just kidding. But I was talking to the surgeon beforehand. We get nervous about these things.

These are big deals. This surgery is a scary surgery and all that kind of stuff. But I was telling the surgeon, he said, we do a lot of these here. And he said, I love doing them. And I realized when he showed up that morning, he came to pre-op there with us, and we talked and he clapped his hand against it, all right, y'all ready to do this?

We're going to get this done. He was very optimistic. He was eager to get to work because he had all this confidence in who he was as a surgeon. It wasn't arrogant. I've been around a lot of surgeons and some of them can get a little bit, well, you know. But this guy was not. And all the staff that I've dealt with, the pain management staff, all of these really high powered people have had a humility to them that has been very refreshing because they're eager to learn.

And they recognize that Gracie has been through a lot and they want to use their considerable skills to make her life better. But he wasn't nervous. And you know what?

I didn't have to be either. He was confident of what he could do. And we prayed, we trust God, and we rest. Somebody posted the thing online one time, and I saw this a while back, and said, God's awake.

You go to sleep. And I thought, that's a profound statement. Do we believe that? Do we believe that he's Lord of all? If he's Lord at all, he's Lord of all. And do we believe that? And when that surgeon, when I saw the optimism of the surgeon, he didn't come in there looking all freaked out or anything else.

He's ready to go to work, just like you and I go to work at our job. You know, public speaking is the greatest fear that Americans have. Did you know that? People are terrified to get up and speak in public. And I do this every day. I don't even give a thought to it. I don't think I've ever been nervous before speaking. You know, I just, give me the microphone, I know what I'm doing. I'm not nervous up here. And I realize how many people are terrified of that.

But that's my job. I'm not terrified of it. And I thought, this surgeon, I would be terrified to do what he's doing. And he said, yeah, because I hadn't had any training. I haven't done it before.

It's a scary thing. But he wasn't scared. He wasn't nervous. He was eager to go to work and help Gracie get better.

And you know what? He did. And he told me afterwards, I asked him, you know how I ask every caller, when you call here, I say, you know, how are you feeling? So I asked him after the surgery, I said, how are you feeling? He said, well, I'm a bit tired, but it was a good surgery. He said, I'll get my report card when she stands up. But according to everything we see now with x-rays, it looks good and everything's where it needs to be. And she's on her way.

And it's just going to, we got to get through these challenges of helping her get back up on her prosthetic legs and all that kind of stuff. And you know, and I was able to rest knowing that I was, I had no control of this. There's no need for me to fret. There's no need for me to get all freaked out about it.

We've done everything we can do. And then I was able to just rest and know that he is, God is sovereign in this. So I came back to my hotel room and the surgeon told me, he said, don't wait in the waiting room.

That'll make you crazy. Because it was really, by the time they started the surgery and everything else, it's really almost an 11 hour day. And so I came back to the hotel room, which is right across the street from the hospital. Got some work done, relaxed, did some laundry. You ever notice that laundry is a big part of being a caregiver?

And so I was trying to get Gracie some of the clothes she came down with and get them all cleaned up, hung up for her so she'd be ready to wear them back and all that kind of stuff. And made a few phone calls, but not many. And you know, I had some people that were concerned. They said, well, you could be by yourself in Denver.

And I thought, nah, I'm pretty good. I didn't need a lot of people hovering around me. And I have some dear friends here in the Denver area that have been here for me and care for them, the people I've known for 40 years.

But I just kind of breathed and rested in this. And you know, there's a reason I do this program differently than just about anybody else that you will hear do a caregiver program, because I'm still a caregiver. I deal with this reality every single day. And these principles that I talk about, these are how I do it. This is how I live.

And I see people around me. I mean, when you're at a teaching hospital like this, a big children's hospital, you see a lot of difficult situations. I got to talk to a few people right here that are here with family members that are having surgeries and kids that are going through some pretty tough time. I spent some time with them just hanging, just listening.

And then the report came back from the surgery and it went very well. I made all the appropriate calls that I needed to make to family and so forth. And then I kind of shut it down and had a bite to eat and just kind of breathed. I just went on to bed, knowing that I couldn't get in to see her until they told me that I could. He said, Just stand by.

We'll call you when you can come in to see her. And so I did. I just kind of was still and quiet, thanking the Lord that it went well. And knowing that everything that could have gone wrong didn't, and I was very grateful for that.

And I think Gracie's going to have a new lease on life and a better quality of life. And my fretting, or lack thereof, did not affect that. And I've learned over the years that I don't have to get myself all in a froth about this.

How about you? Are you able to rest in this, to know that God is already there? As Gracie and I were praying in pre-op, he was already in surgery. Do we believe these things? Is this something that grips us and that we know that we can rest in? Can we go to sleep knowing that God's awake? These are hard things for us to wrap our minds around in the midst of some very difficult painful things that we'd have to deal with as caregivers, because we all do.

If you're a caregiver for any length of time, you're going to get to those places where you just bang your head against the wall, or fear grips you so much. But I just keep coming back to that surgeon. I like doing this. He wasn't scared. Think about your job. Are you scared to do your job? I doubt you are. Now, do you think God's scared to do his job?

Of course not. He's God. But it seems so far removed from us. And yet scripture says he is near to the brokenhearted. And his tender mercies, his faithfulness, all these things. And even when it looks so bleak, he's near to you in this. And Gracie's in a lot of pain, and she will be in a lot of pain. Some of this we're hoping to correct, but she's been in pain for 38 years. Is he near to her in this?

Yeah, he is. And at a couple of points, very meaningful times, I FaceTimed with Joni Eareckson-Tada, and she sang to Gracie. And we just had such a sweet time of that. I had different folks that I would do that with, and there were times where Gracie couldn't respond.

She was intubated. And they just sang to it, they prayed with her. And we just allowed ourselves to just trust that God is moving us down this river in ways that we can't always expect or get ourselves freaked out about.

But please, please understand this. I may sound very wise and spiritual right now. I used to think that people that say the things that I say now were very wise and spiritual. But I'm starting to realize that maybe they were just tired. They're just weary, because I've been doing this a long time, and I've done it so many times in so many ways where it just went off the rails.

And I've pushed myself to inhuman levels, and I'm just too old and tired to get this crazy anymore. And I said that to a pastor friend of mine. He said, Well, you can't rest unless you're weary. You know, it's okay to be weary because now you can rest. To go ahead and accept the fact that you're weary.

Jesus said, Come unto me, all you who are weary and heavy laden. I just want to give you that update. I've got a special interview coming up here in the next two segments. But I thank you for indulging me to share my story with you all and Gracie's story with you all. Continue to keep us both in your prayers.

Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Peter Roseburger, hopeforthecaregiver.com. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie, and recently Peter talked to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey. Take a listen. Gracie, when you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach, did you ever think that inmates would help you do that?

Not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by CoreCivic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country that you put out the plea for, and they're disassembling, you see all these legs, like what you have, your own prosthetic legs. And arms.

And arms. When you see all this, what does that do to you? Makes me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know, I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out.

Of course, being in the hospital so much and so long. These men are so glad that they get to be doing, as one band said, something good finally with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled? No, I had no idea.

You know, I thought of peg leg, I thought of wooden legs, I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and sea legs and all that. I never thought about that. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that they're helping other people now walk, they're providing the means for these supplies to get over there, what does that do to you just on a heart level? I wish I could explain to the world what I see in there. And I wish that I could be able to go and say, this guy right here, he needs to go to Africa with us. I never not feel that way.

Every time, you know, you always make me have to leave, I don't want to leave them. I feel like I'm at home with them. And I feel like that we have a common bond that I would have never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had an experience with it, what do you think of the faith based programs that CoreCivic offers? I think they're just absolutely awesome. And I think every prison out there should have faith based programs like this because the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one, is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't have them. And I think that that says so much.

That doesn't have anything to do with me. It just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate a used prosthetic limb, whether from a loved one who passed away or, you know, somebody who outgrew them, you've donated some of your own for them to do. How do they do that? Where do they find them? Oh, please go to standingwithhope.com slash recycle standingwithhope.com slash recycle. Thanks, Gracie.