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When Things Don't Resolve The Way Caregivers Expect

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
September 9, 2020 6:10 pm

When Things Don't Resolve The Way Caregivers Expect

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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September 9, 2020 6:10 pm

We caregivers often feel that we won't be satisfied unless the resolution of conflict or circumstances is what we want and expect. But great music doesn't often work that way ...and neither does life. 

A lesson from my jazz piano professor drives this point home using the familiar chord progression ii-V-I. 

Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  Now in his 35th year as a caregiver, Peter draws upon his vast experience to help strengthen fellow caregivers. 


Christmas gift why not the one with the chicken leaving have a couple of chicken maybe it's not the get for your family but it is the perfect gift for poor family ninja chicken can break the cycle of poverty for poor family yes chicken chickens and provide nourishment for family and they can sell mosaics at the market for income when you donate a chicken or any other gospel for Asia one her percent of what you give goes to the field, and basketball went gospel fundraiser to support family.

Jesus family this Christmas and give them a six explanation or see chickens and other animals campaigned Rosenberger. This is the show's 55 6755 that's Gracie from her record resilient good copy of that today. If you wish, what to hope for the just click on a regular click on the donate button whatever's on your heart to give to the steady with hope was the overall presenting sponsor of the show.

We'd love to have you participate in the copy that CD is a great CD.

What it does is you you help us with our two programmers for the wounded and those who care for them and for the blended is the prosthetic limb outreach the grace he founded to her fellow amputees. We just just finished up our time and I just give a shout out to them. Metro Davidson County correctional facility. John they are changing their systems over there in core civic ran that they're not running anymore and we had a workshop there with the inmates in the recycled prosthetic limbs force and we just finished set up and moved everything out to Arizona and out of the can be doing at that facility with core civic is whether many faith-based programs and then we also purchase resin to send over because that's something that has to be done to use to make sockets for prosthetics and then we also sponsor the leg just recently forgot we been treating for 12 years. Just just this week, and so a lot of things going on with that and you can help me. A part of that and then for the wounded and for those who care for them. That's what the show was all about. And if you like what you hear.

Did you like to show his value to what you are going through or somebody you know something you want to share with them. Help us do it more. At hope the just click on the donate button I jumper Thomas of the US. Of these, you want to address today so far away while I I did there was there was one talk about it a little bit just a second ago and that was the generalizing lesson which will wrap that up real quick batch. You know in that like my my grandfather taught me a lot of things, but one of the things was quick the tool back where it goes that everything has a place and end the same way that you were talking about this with your downsized living situation can and that sort of thing to be able to do that in an emotional way or anode you know if there is a way that I can help the caregiver out like there are generalizing that lesson like oh every all of all of my all my silver workers back in the silverware chart on Don, so what do I do with like say certain emotions that I have that maybe have outlived their usefulness in this situation you got this long tail of something how to lie effectively resolve that dissonant chord that has snout like the that the immediate situation is passed from still feeling these these things about a particular event or something along those lines, and how to read how we generalize those lessons on and I'm sorry are you tracking with me how I get out to two things come to mind one of his map young Prof. John Arne, who I played at our wedding and played her son's wedding and just just loving it out to Stockton last night and he said everything is 251 in music. This effect when he retired he just held up two fingers five fingers and one finger, 251. Everything is 251. Limit the display right so when you doing music you gotta go to something like that's 251. This resolving minor to court five cord one, but you can instance in that you can extend it to 5-6 or any just keep stretching out 2000 1251. Another key that I threw in that one step down and so you keep stretching it out.

Everything is 251, and what that means is some emotions are not going to be so cut and dry like some of you have texture to them. In some situations are unresolved is easy seated. It then and it's nothing resolve client's cleaners, neat but doesn't mean it's not good it's just more texture so that some which a musical application that I learned from him. That's double and that that counterfeits with this, like, how do we end up doing that in one bond. I suppose it's not that I have an answer to that question or whatever but it's just a way of thinking about the it's a way of a way of thinking about our our emotions and and maybe the -ones that we have the ones that feel like dissonance ones that feel like where is this where is this going. What happened then there's that sense of my going to demand that it resolve. In this way or my willing to possibly accept a different resolution and hosted conflicts and so forth so it might year. If I'm if I'm not schooled very well in music.

My ears go to what this my ears just want to because it sounds right right but the more I get into it and then I threw in this matter. Nine though it's a microstructure course and also in my ears is is expanding.

I'm realizing I can accept other things that may not be exactly what I thought it was gonna be, but I can accept it and still find beauty in it and this is what happens with our relationships as caregivers.

I really like that in that when when things are are simple and make they almost never are. But there are times when there is a there's a year we walk up there's a problem and then we come up with a solution and it gets all we move on. Those are the easy death. The regular 251 sort of deal like an inmate might be something minor you you go to the young, the insurance company says it will cover something you call him they say oh we made a mistake to cover it and it's done that's it is an athlete that's that that's resolved if you're dealing with, say, and intrusive family member Mike, your young we had a hell of my we may have to modulate you you this a family member who is who has many ideas about how things should go.

Or maybe they're just there.

You're in a caregiving situation and they're just another node of chaos in your life.

Somehow and there.

It may be unrelated to your caregiving situation, but like say they're giving you a lot of ideas about how things should be and that you're having to deal with that.

Instead May is a simile of life. Yet there the tambourine something well but occasionally you can lean into that tambourine is not necessarily always. I know I know I sparingly say that they are expected if the tambourine happened. We can't go back and unring that that tambourine it's you can hear it over a nuclear blast absolutely settled. You end up having time and having to use that are having to adjust. You know if they really do change something about the symphony that is being played. Then you have to work with it and maybe it will be that the path is changed ever so slightly, but I knew resolution opens itself up because of the long tail of maybe I hesitate same mistakes but that's what I'm talking about when the tambourine is you sort every mistake is the ultimate in place but it's now I think for caregivers. I think that we have in our mind. This is the way this song should end and I in it. It just does. We don't get to script all those things and that doesn't mean that there's not to be beautiful music there, it just means this could be different than what we expect and we can resolve it if we can't get to the most dissident of courts and one of those is you know when you have a diminished cord like this. Only three of them.

That's a very diminished port of a very very unresolved for this appeals punky and then you go to this Aflac nine cord, but they would you end of this and all of a sudden you've got beautiful music that you didn't expect from a situation as caregivers. I think we find ourselves in a situation with family with friends with our loved ones that this is not feeling good this does not sound good if we could take a step back from it.

Take a deep breath and this is where I learned another lesson across less what you call it general generalizing lesson you know in Asian and Judaizing lesson with this is what I learn martial arts and because in my martial arts class. One of the things is able. What would you do to somebody if the legs can attack you in my martial arts instructor. These are these are all master level should I don't know, it hasn't happened yet. I see what they give me an F on my what can I learn from that as a caregiver we do about this when I don't know it's not here yet. I'll see what they give me. In the meantime, I'm good to keep training and be prepared in condition myself so that I'm ready right and you end up I'm going we can do some the ataxic.

Well, hopefully I'm going to have a very large skill set and a big bag of tools that I can that I can draw on more than work that well is this is an extreme example, but yeah it's it does fit and and there is talk about this on the on the show quite often. You are not here to tell people how to caregiver that is the that you have no expertise at that yeah you we don't know your your situation or your loved one even close to as as as as well as you, but what we do have expertise in is the heart of somebody who is going through this and not being not being a patient but being a caregiver and and weight. We understand all sides of the caregivers heart is that you don't just dismiss stay with this musical lesson.

You know who heard this from. Here's another one of not trying to overthink it but just letting it come, and then having to be able just to just get in the moment brought by Claire and Jimmy page look at had a Jimmy page. They were on stage left with Led Zeppelin and they're trying to mimic each other, solos. So, Robert Plant would do up a big net for those you not Led Zeppelin fans forgive me, indulge me for a moment, but don't Led Zeppelin iconic rock group from the 60s and 70s never had a number one hit even though stairway to heaven was his hugest standard of a classic, but it never went to number one, but Robert Plant is one of the I think one of the best rock 'n' roll vocalist out there. Of all time. The Shia Jimmy page is one of the best rock guitarist of all times.

You know and but so here they are mainly on the here we are doing though. Here they are doing on stage and so Robert Plant throws a lick Jimmy copies it and it adds to it. And then he's there if they're doing their habit of fun. Tabitha gets hired hired Roberts like straight if you know what he was told the story and the point of this is that's that's when music becomes very exciting is that you don't have to overthink and over planet and as a caregiver. I think that I have been so guilty of overthinking it over planning let it just come just like a martial arts instructor said let it be there and when it comes you'll find that you you can be more peaceful as you deal with the craziness because if this could be craziness yeah and another way to put this would be. You cannot plan for every eventuality, and this, loops back around into what some people call log ants.

It's not like his luck is just opportunity plus preparedness that's that's all it is and you need to be prepared for lots of different eventualities. But you can't prepare for anyone specific one mount off coming. There are some things that are always going to happen, death and taxes are always going to happen so we know that we can plan for the taxes I had of time and usually in that order. Some high-traffic taxes come both before, during, and after his death his attack sandwich all write that one bites yet we can't.

Yes, there are certain specific eventualities that you could pick out exceptions to this rule that I'm putting in quotation marks bites that really you. You can't plan for specific things like plans for a stroke or especially a specific manifestation of a stroke or something like that but you can plan for all manner of physical capacities or whatever your you can you can you can have those things in your mind. Have the skill set necessary to do all that. But really, which is living back to what we're really talking about today to have the toolbox necessary to deal with the emotional issues that you experience and whatever those and it happened becoming unbidden for me one of those ways that I plan for it in those you watching/extreme level and hopefully get your stage, you tell me that one of things we learn martial arts was to stop trying to read, stop the natural inclination of reacting instead start training to respond respond rather than react and networks pretty much across the board in every situation in relationships in music and in martial arts. Name it.

When you respond to something because you're you're paying attention, you're in tune with it and you're in tune with your own heart and that's something that it takes some time to cultivate that it were so busy in his caregiving situation deal with such drama that we react and my hope for you as a fellow caregiver is that you will learn from this faster than I did that that response time for you won't be as long as this is hopefully caregiver 877677. What is the 87765 567-655-6755 this Peter Roseburg will be right struggle to trust God when lousy things do you I'm Gracie Rosenberger, 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of death is to point others to Christ.

The source of my hope and strength. These visits standing with to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing I'm Gracie.

I am staining with help

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