Listener Caring or Parents Who Abused Her

Live on American Family Radio, this is Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver, for those of you who are putting yourself knowingly and voluntarily between a vulnerable loved one and even worse, disaster. How are you doing? How are you holding up? What's going on with you? How are you staying strong?

How are you resting? How are you staying healthy while you take care of someone who is not? And that's what this show is all about. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show. Also, you can follow along at hopeforthecaregiver.com, our website, or we stream the show live when we do it here on American Family Radio on our Facebook page, Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook.

So sometimes I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook when they get it wrong or something goes squirrely. So we keep going back with optimism that we can get it right when we stream it, so you're welcome to follow along. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. I like to start off with a hymn because I feel like that we have lost something as a country and those of you who listen to the show regularly know that this is important to what we do here on the show is to take these hymns and also those who listen regularly know how important the hymns are to you because you've expressed this to me more and more. And we've gotten away from the hymnal, which has an amazing wealth of things that can help us as caregivers. And the reason I do this is because some of these hymns are so well structured musically and text-wise that when we are going through the craziness of our life as caregivers, we can recall maybe just one line, one phrase, a little melody to help us reorient ourselves as we get blown off course on any given day as a caregiver.

And this one today is one that was incredibly meaningful to me. It's the first song on my CD, and I put this out there on songs for the caregiver, and I love this. I've been playing it for a lifetime, but there's a reason I did this because I shared this song with somebody who called me this week.

We had a phone call. It was going through some pretty rough times, and we'll talk about that in just a minute, but I want to set the table here with this particular hymn. So I will walk over here to the caregiver keyboard, and just to let you know that I can, I'm playing this in the key of D flat.

Some people get all worked up about the keys on it, but I put a capo on the piano. No, I'm just kidding. I love this hymn.

See if you know this hymn. All right. You I Love that love that It is a it's a it's a great him and I shared this with a woman who called me Oh, she reached out to me on text and we ended up having a phone conversation this week Who's going through a very difficult time and I want to explain something on the front end here this show is never meant to be a commentary on the The political world and everything else. This show is meant to sit down either at the kitchen table with a fellow caregiver or at the piano with a fellow caregiver and Help us calm down a little bit so that we can make better decisions. I Don't have any pretext of trying to be anything other than what I am is just a caregiver who has watched someone suffer for 35 years and Has lived to play a song about it has lived to laugh about it has lived to rejoice about it has lived to live through it and Sometimes we we have a lot of fun on here with we get You know, I love comedy more than most and I'm a frustrated stand-up comedian but I also understand the the the journey of tears that so many caregivers have and I want to speak to that with clarity in a way that that my fellow caregivers understand So if you're not a caregiver if you're not walking through anything like that You're probably not gonna get a whole lot out of the show and that's okay because I know the audience that is struggling that wants to be able to have some kind of solid ground as They're watching somebody they love spiral and and suffer and struggle and Act out and all the things that go on with watching somebody with the chronic impairment whether it's chronic pain or whether it's autism Whether it's Alzheimer's or whether it's addiction There are so many different kinds of chronic impairments, but there's always a caregiver. How do you help that caregiver? What do you say to that caregiver to speak to them in the midst of their distress and that brings me to oh, by the way if you know that song eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty and that Brings me to a letter. I got from a woman after the show last week and She's going through a brutal journey of caring for both parents with Alzheimer's But she was sexually molested by her father and and she had intimated to her mother and Now she's taking care of them with Alzheimer's And these are painful realities and and it's more common than you realize where you have the The child now has grown up that has been abused by parents whether sexually verbally or physically or all three and They're in a position where they're taking care of this aging loved one with unresolved issues and and deep deep deep wounds and They're struggling with this journey and I encountered this Sadly all too regularly And I know that when I when I speak to this woman, I'm not a counselor. I'm not a trained mental health professional I'm not a pastor.

I have great hair But I'm not a preacher and I I'd know that I I have to be very careful in what I say and when I when I Speak into these situations and all I could do is point people to the Savior. I look at This my job here on this show is Very akin to the paramedics who helped save my wife when she was laying bleeding by the side of the road back in 1983. I wasn't there. I didn't know her at the time I met her a couple a couple years later and They did not I've heard all the stories with the fact some came to visit her in the hospital later many many times later But they didn't try to tell her how to live her life. They didn't shame her for what being out there on the road What would you do? What was the matter with you? This is the middle of the day And she fell asleep at the wheel.

She was very tired. She's been studying and everything else and then she just drove off the road And they just kept saying over and over to her. Hang on we're gonna get you to help Hang on it's gonna be okay. We're here. We're here That's what this show is Hang on We're gonna point you to help We're gonna take you to the one who can help and that's what this song is about as well eight eight eight five eight nine Eighty eight forty eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty. This is peter roseburg This is hope for the caregiver. We'll be right back Welcome back to hope for the caregiver. This is peter roseberger This is the show for you as a family caregiver That is my wife saying he'll give you hope for your sorrow when that's what we're going to talk about today And this is a woman who understands that As she is facing a yet another Very very difficult journey for her surgically speaking That I can count it'll be her 81st and this is what she sings and she's singing this to you and she's singing this to me And we can draw strength from that because that's that's how we do that We comfort one another with the same comfort that we ourselves have been comforted by the god of all comfort And today i'm wanted this song that I played for you Uh in the last segment if you know it eight eight eight five eight nine eighty eight forty eight eight eight five eight nine Eighty eight forty it was the song that came to mind When i'm talking to this woman who reached out to me Who was struggling so mightily taking care of her parents for with alzheimer's and she was sexually abused Them And by these parents and that she's taking care of And you can't you can't encounter somebody with that level of trauma and Just say well god loves you and pat him on the back and send him on and they're there.

No. No, this is this is a gaping devastating Series of wounds that this woman has taken and now she's taking care of these people And so I quoted the lyrics from this hymn. This is why I play the hymns Because these hymns have wrestled with these very painful things and put it in a way that we can understand and recall to our mind You know in Lamentations Jeremiah the prophet was saying I remember the wormwood in the gall. I mean you could you could just feel the visceral Feel the visceral um angst and and heartache that jeremiah was feeling at one point He said that he he had to prophesy because it was too painful for him not to But it was he was just he was called the weeping prophet But he said in the lamentation if you go back and read it in chapter three He said I remember the wormwood and the gall.

I mean, these are very visceral words that he said But this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope and he anchored himself in scripture. Great is thy faithfulness It's where we get to him from and so when we have these these moments in our lives and and and these moments may last a long time There is a point where we have to anchor ourselves in something or be anchored in something that will will help us Just back to the highway if you will when we get so bogged down and you think about those paramedics rescuing gracie they're having that you have to use the um Uh, they had it took about an hour and a half to extract her from the car her legs were crushed And pushed so that her feet were over her shoulders And she's bleeding out the the car had caught on fire and and it was it was a very very It it was just it was a horrific wreck and to Each one of these paramedics they all said the same thing to her. We have the report of it. Hang on Hang on, we're going to get you to safety. Hang on. We're here. We're here. We're here. Hang on Don't let go don't give up Do we say that to each other As believers when you're going through what you're going through, is that something you regularly hear from believers? Hang on Hang on.

It's here. We're going to get you to safety Or do you hear just glib? Hallmark card type of catchphrases that we use in the church When I started doing the show, I knew that we had to do more on this show And when I speak to people privately after the show I knew that I cannot just I I didn't want to receive things like that I don't want to hear people say that to me the platitudes and and pablum that people offer Well, god's sovereign and pat you on the back and send you on He obviously has a plan for gracie or she wouldn't be here. I don't want to hear that and I bet you don't either I need to be anchored in something that's going to to still my soul And and help me make better decisions through this process I need to be Directed to safety just like you do Just like you do And so that's why I did these hymns and that's why I did this particular hymn. And if you know it I want you to call me and tell me about it and tell me why it's important to you 8 8 8 5 8 9 80 8 40 for those who missed it. Here's just the chorus of it Actually, I'll do the first slide because that's where you hear the title of it If you know that one 8 8 8 5 8 9 80 8 40 we're going to go to the phone lines right now This is Kelly in Arkansas. Kelly, good morning.

How are you feeling? Great, great. I believe that hymn is Wonderful Words of Life. No? Close.

Not yet. That's That's Wonderful Words of Life. Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life But but that's a great one too.

That's one of my all-time favorites as well, Kelly. So Uh, thanks you. Thank you for taking a stab at that. But what do you got on your mind today? I am a caregiver. My son has suffered from Drugs and alcohol. I have a nephew that's got autism And I'm watching people in my church that are caregivers and my grandmother was a caregiver for 13 years. So Your show's been a real blessing to me to kind of keep me thinking about things the right way And guiding me in the way I believe. It's just, I can't describe what a blessing it is To hear your stories and to hear the people. I mean, it's just it's awesome.

It's an awesome Facebuilder and an encouragement to me. Well Kelly, I appreciate that very much. I set out to do this for Your situation just for you.

I didn't know you but I set out to do it because I needed to I felt this urgency to to speak to caregivers in a way they could understand And have and provide a place where they can call in and just share whatever on their heart. There's not a A wrong answer. You're not doing it the wrong way Kind of thing. I'm not here to to scold or to advise. I'm here to just sit down with you a cup of coffee Let's talk about this. Let's see how you're feeling and then let's go to the Word of God and see what what scripture says about it and It's um, we're not we're not hip and cool here We're just beat up people who are caring for someone and we want to be stronger and healthier And so thank you for those kind words.

Tell me how are you feeling today? With all this with what's going on with your son and your nephew I I feel good. I mean, I see good things happening I mean, I see a lot of good things happening and you can see God working You know, but it all those things that people say and people do they they don't really understand till they're in the fight like you're talking about but uh, i'm watching people at my church and and Around and my family members too and it's encouraging When people I mean, they're they're locked. They're locked in their wishes and they're fighting that fight and And sometimes you don't even have to say a word, you know, it's just Well, and and that's it, you know Agustine I used to say that wouldn't preach the gospel always that if necessary use words And then Hans Christian Anderson said where words fail music speaks and that's why I do hymns on this show That's why I do the music that I do because we don't always have the words. I mean, yes the scripture is there And and but if you go back and look at job 213 One of my favorite verses in scripture job situation was so horrific His friends sat there for seven days and didn't say a word And I think that's the foundation for where in the jewish world is called the sitting shiva And that is when when somebody has is going through mourning and and the loss of a loved one the The community the friends and the family come and sit with them, but they don't initiate the conversation.

They just sit with them and just be And and we don't do that in our culture Consistently and um or enough and and this is what we're trying to do is learn to just we don't have to fix it We don't have to fix it. We don't have to give some kind of glib answer Sometimes we can just mourn with those who mourn and grieve with those who grieve Well, that's exactly what we need to do and I and I and i'm seeing more of that all the time From a lot of people and and your show is Is where I get my encouragement from and i'm learning, you know Um, well, that's what I am too. I am too kelly you're following god's plan and uh and staying true and And so positive And uplifting, you know because there's days that are just tough Yeah, there are And you've you've got to be a leader to both the nephew and a son now And um, there are days that are tough kelly and and but you're doing it And and this is this is where we draw our strength from is the word of god And i'm going to jump on some other calls here We got a whole bunch of folks weighing in on this but kelly I want you to know I appreciate you calling you Listen, you call anytime you want, okay? One caregiver to another this is what we do and I I want you to know how much it means that you took the time To call this morning and what you think of the show. I really do appreciate that kelly.

Thank you very much Thank you Tommy in arkansas Tommy good morning. Do you know this song? Good morning Yes, I know that song very well near to the heart of god Isn't that a great song what you got it right there.

Isn't that a great song? and I I stumbled on your show peter quite by accident. I'm on my way to the river to fish I I get that a lot tommy Yeah, yeah, I stumbled on your show by accident Yeah, well and you know, there's no stray. There's no stray molecule that you know god's the god of order So actually it wasn't by accident But um, I am not a caregiver at this time. I I did as my parents approached, you know, heaven's uh gate Leaving, you know this world, uh, daddy was in hospice care for for like 16 months And he was very pleasant He would get through with breakfast and you know five minutes later Are we going to have or you know, or actually any meal and then five minutes later?

Are we going to have lunch? You know and he just had lunch and and and stuff and uh I uh I I you know took a little while before I got to you and I listened And the only the only lyrics i'm actually an instrumental instrumentalist. I don't do lyrics well But I was raised in a traditional, you know, missionary babbitt's church. We sang near to the heart of god all the time But oh my goodness the woman that you're talking about that you were giving counsel to You know a place of quiet rest where sin cannot molest Did that is exactly why I gave it to her tommy. That is exactly why I gave it to her and that line And I by the way, hang on. Can you hang on through the break tommy?

We've got a we've got a hard break. We're going to at the bottom of the hour here and you're exactly right Tommy that is that is why I gave her that text the place where sin cannot molest And this is uh, this is why these hymns are so important to us as as believers as caregivers This is hope for the caregiver. This is peter rosenberger. We're talking with tommy in arkansas, by the way He's on the way to go fishing fish tremble at the sound of his name Hey, this is peter rosenberger. We hope you're enjoying the podcast We do several things with this podcast. Certainly we Air our show that is broadcast on a couple hundred stations each week and we put that on the podcast, but we also do special Interviews and bonus materials and all kinds of things to help strengthen the family caregiver We think that are building up hearts all around the world. We're downloaded in over a hundred countries And we would welcome your help in doing this better and more And you can go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com slash giving and donate online today It's a non-profit that gracie and I founded many many years ago through standing with hope as the parent company We have a prosthetic limb outreach that you hear gracie talk about quite often and then we have this show It's for the wounded and those who care for them And we would certainly welcome your tax deductible gift to help us do this better whatever's on your heart Hopeforthecaregiver.com slash giving. Let's go help strengthen family caregivers together Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show come to the table come to the place where centers are set free Do you see a theme throughout all of scripture where he's saying come there's a You know come unto me all you we have in love you and not laden There there's so much distress here come over here And that's sometimes physically and then that's but but he's speaking spiritually come over here And that's what this hymn that we did today near to the heart of God There is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God a place where sin cannot molest Near to the heart of God. Oh, Jesus blessed Redeemer sent He was again.

He was at a place that we're not he was sent to a place that we are From the heart of God hold us who wait before the near to the heart of God We are separated And and and this this world it is is bent Away from the heart of God and we cannot get there on our own so he came to us and and and Our our hearts are troubled in this world, but there is a place Where they're not and that is near to his heart And tommy from arkansas called in tommy. Are you you're on your way to fishing right now? I am on my way right now Oh mercy. What are you going to fish for? I am going to fish for rainbow trout and anything else in the river that wants to bite You know, I I live out here in in montana Where oh my god. Oh my god We have quite a bit of fishing that goes on out here where we are. Yeah. Yeah, and yeah, i'm not very good at Yeah, I dream of the bitter root someday.

You know, that's like I live I live in the bitter roots Okay, I I need I need to come see you come on. We're gonna have a afr retreat out here That's what i've been telling all the folks at american family radio They they all want to have the big retreat out here at my place Out here at my place and and I said well, why do you need to bring all your trucks and guns? And your fishing poles for afr retreat They don't care about me. They just want to be out here fishing and hunting Yeah, that sounds great.

Well, we only have we only have We only have trout here in arkansas and and oklahoma because of dams. I mean and the cold water at the bottom of those dams and and so I fish the tailwaters of the uh, uh today i'm going to uh, assist the tailwaters of lower illinois out of the ten killer dam in uh, oklahoma, actually but uh I I what you do, uh, even the little uh, sniglet that you gave of uh of uh the first arkansas that called uh That that was great. You kind of have I love jazz and you're doing some really neat things Uh, I I loved it. But but uh, what thank you for that. Thank you. Thank my piano professor for that Uh, john arnd who is uh still stay in touch with he's over 80 years old in nashville, tennessee And uh, he's still he still schools me Do you do you have a recording out there?

I mean of those? Yeah, I do uh, it's you could You could uh, go out to anywhere where they or where music is sold, uh, street music Uh stream to download amazon itunes all that it's called songs for the caregiver Thank you for asking about that. And if you want the uh, the c.d of this Um, you can go out to my website. Uh, there's a uh christian bookstore in nashville that's where the only place where I let the cds be sold and um You can go out there to them. It's logos bookstore in nashville tennessee six one five Two nine seven fifty three eighty eight and they'll be glad to ship you one Um, and it's all that's all out at the website at hope for the caregiver.com under my music tab and then gracie's got her c.d and so forth and It's a big part of um, um, what we do as caregivers. So well, listen, i'm gonna let you get to fishing tommy Thanks, and uh, thanks for uh, thanks for uh, thanks for inviting us to the table Well, and uh, you were quite welcome bless you and bless you.

Thank you very much. Bless you too Let's uh, let's go to uh grace in texas Grace, good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning, sir How are you feeling grace?

Um, not too good Not too good. What's going on with you? I have been a caregiver for my mom's distance outside the country so this past uh Six weeks I went to take care of her But shortly when I came back to the states, I saw The picture is like the skin It's just junk of skin is just off a heel and She's not doing too good.

So the guilt like maybe I should have been there earlier. It's just Getting over me where does your mother live And she's in africa We're in africa She's in nigeria Nigeria we um, we treat we treat patients in nigeria i've treated patients In nigeria through the prosthetic limb outreach we have um We work over in gana, but we have patients that come from nigeria and I will tell you that um Grace first off your name is one of the most beautiful names in the world and my wife's name is grace And I love that name is the most beautiful word in the world. I think is grace And I think it grace I certainly understand how difficult this must be to be a world away from your mother And I know that you feel guilty To take care of her. I didn't know I spent so much to go take care of her only to come back Just live on the week. It's like She's not doing too good Well, and and at this point if you cannot return back to nigeria to take care of her Um, it's one of those things where this is going to be a very difficult place for you And I would ask that you remember your name Your name is grace Your name is not guilt.

It's grace Grace and if you're doing the best that you know to do I don't know my siblings. They didn't do so much And it was so frustrating being this time just like and I said, okay i'll try I'll try and go over there. Yeah Are you trying are you trying to go back over there? No, I can't I just came back and I have kids. I have to take care of me single more So just well grace your children need you Your children need you you have your mother has family back there and I know it's very difficult for you but your children need you as well and Your your mother has a savior Your mother has a savior You're not that savior Yeah, your children your children need their mother.

Yeah, I guess that's why I'm dying I can do I can hear but I need to hear that. That's why I call Well, we all need to hear this because it's very difficult when you're torn When you're torn between taking care of those Like your mother and so forth and it's it's very difficult to do this your children. How old are your children? And they are like 27 the youngest is 20 Are you in a position now are they living independently of you now? No, they live with me.

Nobody. Okay, they're just going to school and working Well Fairly soon. They should if there's 27 and 20, they should be able to function a little bit better by themselves And they can you you've raised them and now they can stand on their own two feet And maybe you can look at going back to nigeria and caring for your mother and letting your children now If they're not little children, that's one thing but I mean but since they're grown Maybe it's a situation where you could pivot back to nigeria and spend a little bit more time with your mother come back to work I have a part-time job.

I use that to pay my A roof over me and stuff. I don't make so much so it was like putting up Well, I understand and you have siblings in africa with your mother, correct? Yes But they were not helping so I have to pay somebody to take care of her Now, why why are you do you know why your siblings aren't helping?

I don't I have no idea. I know financially but that's not enough Financially, they are struggling but it's like they've been fighting each other I don't know I reach out I preach I preach all my life even before Uh moving to this day because I came over because of marriage Well, yeah, you're you're here now and this is where we are I mean this there's there's um, There are so many different facets to this, but you're a world away There's not much you can do and I know that you're grieving Over this but unless you're willing to go back into the situation and take care of your mother You're going to have to watch from a distance and try to send as much Resources to her as you can to care for her, uh in the absence of anybody else doing it and I know that's painful for you um, and hopefully maybe you your sisters or your brother can be able to Reconcile and start to step up. I know the resources are slim And particularly with covid and everything else. However, um, your mother's care. How old is your mother?

She's 35 And your uh, is she involved in a church there? Uh, no because I have to take her when I travel this past june I Took her from my sister when I saw her situation was so bling. She suffered At filios, I think she did because she wasn't given the care Uh needed uh, I I don't want to blame nobody she tried but they give her a convenient care, but not What she actually needed it wasn't enough to help health So I took her to the emergency And she was admitted. I was two weeks In the hospital with her and I came back um She complained about a heel hurting but I didn't know there was something the big saw inside inside also inside because There was nothing outside, but I saw the little changes um, but I guess when she was discharged she uh, it's the situation um Get worse and Guess maybe the also busted out and Like part of us feel was just just just gone In the pain is the person in charge. It sounds it sounds like she needs serious medical care, but you're a world away and so The the pain let's let's hold on just a second grace because we're going up We're going up against the break here.

But um, it it sounds like though. She does need serious medical care The best thing at this point it sounds like is for you to stay Engaged even from a distance whether it's sending resources or contacting somebody in her town Who can help with these things as your surrogate if you will Until you're able to get back I don't know what more we can do with that point than to try to coordinate with on the ground Have you ever struggled to trust god when lousy things happen to you? I'm gracie rosenberger and in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated I questioned why god allowed something so brutal to happen to me But over time my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust god that understanding along with an appreciation for quality Prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with hope for more than a dozen years We've been working with the government of gana and west africa equipping and training local workers to build and maintain Quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis We purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a tennessee prison We also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to christ the source of my hope and strength Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up That's standingwithhope.com i'm gracie and I am standing with hope Welcome back to hope for the caregiver.

This is peter rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver We are glad that you're with us 888-589-8840. I was talking with grace in texas. We had to go to the break I'm, sorry about that Uh grace the last thought is, you know, you live a world away from your mother And I know this is a very troubling situation and you've got siblings who are not caring for her in the way that you would like And you're not able to do things. You've got to work here.

You came over here. You got married you came over here And you've raised your children now and the decision point you have to make is okay Am I going to go back to nigeria and take care of my mother myself? Am I going to coordinate with somebody who can help her? Uh in my stead am I going to confront my siblings if they're unwilling to do it?

And if they're unable to do it am I going to provide resources for them? And that those are the decision points you have to make They're not easy. None of them are easy decisions And I and I I hurt with you on that and i'm sorry that you're in this situation where this is occurring But you you got the best shot at making The right and health with a healthy decision. I don't know if there's a right or wrong decision But I think there's a a healthier path for you through this But it starts with you settling down again, recognizing your name is grace not guilt and letting go of that and understanding Okay, here's where I am now.

What is the what's the path forward? And you can sit down here with your pastor You can sit down with a counselor or somebody and help sort this through Look at your resources. See what you can do to help your mother from a distance To help your siblings take care of your mother from a distance coordinate with people that you know They're in nigeria who can help her or you can make that decision to go back to nigeria for an extended amount of time to help her None of these are going to be easy And so it's important that you approach these decisions with as much clarity as you possibly can To make a decision that's going to be the most effective for you and what you have to uh to spend with your resources and so forth And this is a situation a lot of people find themselves in when they're caregiving from a distance whether it's all the way across the world In nigeria, or if it's across the country or whatever and you can't just uproot your job and your family and everything But you're torn between these these responsibilities and these obligations that you you feel like you have And these are questions that need to be asked and answered in your heart and then you make the decision to the best of your abilities And trust that god will give you the clarity as you move through this thy word is a lamp into my feet not a searchlight So there's not going to be a hey do this this and this and this and you'll be okay No, these are these are your paths And you're going to have to sit down with some maybe some good counsel around you To help you guide you as you make your your decision on what you're going to do and it may be a multi-part decision It may not be something you can do make this final decision in one moment.

Okay, i'm going to go back to nigeria. Well, okay That's a big decision So that you're going to have to do this in stages or in phases Go back again to remember what your name is. Your name is grace And give yourself some grace give your mother grace give your mother grace give yourself some grace Give your mother grace give your family grace and recognize.

Okay. This is a very big set of circumstances And let's lay it out on a piece of paper Let's look at the pros and cons for all these things run it by some people that you trust and then make the call And be at peace with it and trust that god is guiding your steps through this The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the lord scripture says And that includes you as well grace So I hope that gives you some direction for today um That that you're not having to flail around this thing But you could start looking at this thing and chipping away. You didn't get here overnight.

You're not going to get through this overnight This is a multi-decade issue that has gone on and so it's going to take some time to sort through this and you're Not going to get to the place that you would ideally like But but you can make progress through it uh, let's go to um Shelly in north carolina Shelly good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling pretty good. How are you feeling?

You know, i'm all right. I I share the frustration of of our last caller with grace of her discomfort with this I Uh, you know, you know, you want to just reach through the phone lines and do more but Sometimes that it is what it is an accepting reality for me as a caregiver and thank you for asking about me. But um, For me as a caregiver, I think one of the biggest issues i've had to to deal with is accepting that This is what it is. It is what it is And not what I want it to be but what it is.

So but thank you for asking on that. Well, tell me what's going on With you Well, I just I wanted to share a word of encouragement. Um, i've been caregiving now for four years through two hospices And my mom has dementia And i'm sorry i'm emotional, but i'm just i'm so appreciative Appreciative of what god has done for me through this not in spite of this Um, the first hospice I had was with my father-in-law who was a precious saint Um, and it was still hard Um, he was in home hospice and my sister-in-law and I took care of him with my mother-in-law for a year before he passed And in that time I said I could never do this for my parents Because they were abusive But I can tell you I can and I am And the power of god enabled me to do something I could never do My father, um, just a few months after my father-in-law passed. My father was diagnosed with liver cancer for being an alcoholic and um It just you know I felt like god just said You can and you will and I cared with him in hospice for the you know for that season of seven months until he passed away and I I don't take any glory to myself at all But he knew how he had been and he knew how he felt about me because he was not a loving father by any stretch And he actually made the comment to my sister I don't know how she does this But but I told him because she told me about that and I told him I said dad I can do this because i've been forgiven so much more and so God used caring for an abusive parent To heal my heart Of the hurt that that little girl had felt and the rejection I had felt all my life and um I thought I was done at that point because you'd think two back-to-back hospices would be sufficient But i'm not um I am now caring for my mother who was also an alcoholic abuser She was more of a mental abuser, but that's sometimes worse And she has advanced dementia.

Um She doesn't have alzheimer's but she has no memory of short-term events. So I have to take care of a lot of things for her um But I just wanted to testify that god uses he really does use all things to work together for my good because now You know, I before I go in to see my mother And take care of her and do the things for her. I have to I you know most days I just say lord I can't do this but love her through me because she was an adult child of alcoholics. So there's generational abuse And and he does and he is and he's continuing to teach me just day by day to trust him And just to look to him for the strength that I need because I can't do these things in myself And that's I just wanted to share that I um I don't know what to say. You you're you're why I do the show and and I I I think I could speak for the entire audience when I say thank you for sharing your heart on this Um, I I bet you there are people all over this listening audience right now and then listen later on Who have big tears in their eyes because they're walking in the same path and they're drawing strength from what you've done Shelly and I I want you to know that um It's extraordinary what you've done. I need you to hold on because I want to send you I if it's all right with you I'd like to send you my cd just because you touched me and I just like to play the piano for you and look at Play the piano for you and the best way I can do that is just send you my cd And that would be great because i'm a violinist Well then play along with it there's a there's a live recording of uh that we did at church Uh in nashville with a friend of mine on the violin of the old rugged cross We played it during communion one sunday and I love the recording of it so much You could hear communion trays clank around a little bit in it Um, but I love the recording of so much that I put it on here We did it of of the old rugged cross and near the cross And you'll love the way this guy plays and um, I hope that you'll play along with the whole cd and um But please know that that you're why I gave that hymn There is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of god a place where sin cannot molest near to the heart of god and yes, that's that's why that that's why I do these hymns because they say They speak directly to that level of pain and sorrow and heartache and loss that you've walked through And you found god to be deeper still And that is the message of this entire show And I want you to know that you have been um What a blessing you have been well, I have my encouragement My dad Who um again he was an alcoholic from the time he was young his father was an alcoholic An alcoholic and he was abused so that from that that's why he went down the road He went he was in church most of his life. I mean really literally up until Um, he had a stroke at the end of his course of cancer And um, but he didn't know the lord and matter of fact, um, you know That was one of my struggles with god as a child is we went to church but Through this I can say I can say this, you know again all things work together for good My dad my dad he um He was in hospice by this time He was a military man. He told you something one time and that was it I came in one day and he told me he said You've got to read this article in the paper And it was a little column by billy graham From years ago and it was you know, the question posed to billy graham is my son's an alcoholic Why doesn't god heal our season? What we're going to run out of time real quick here and i'm sorry for that because we got to go it's a hard break Well, we got that but i'm going to get her information call up we're gonna have to have her back on the show Uh, we're gonna i'm gonna send this to don't hang up.

Uh, shelly, uh, we're gonna get your information here Thank you very much. Hope for the caregiver.com. We'll see you next week So Some of you know the remarkable story of peter's wife gracie And recently peter talked to gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey Take a listen gracie when you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach. Did you ever think? That inmates would help you do that not in a million years when you go to The facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on Prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all over the country that you put out the plea for And they're disassembling you see all these legs like what you have your own prosthetic legs and arms and arms When you see all this, what does that do to you? Makes me cry Because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out Of course being in the hospital so much and so long That these men are so glad that they get to be doing um as as one band said something good finally with my hands Did you know before you became an amputee that Parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled. No, I had no idea, you know, I thought it pegs Leg, I thought of wooden legs.

I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet and Sea legs and all that. I never thought about that As you watch these inmates participate in something like this Knowing that they're they're helping other people now walk they're providing the means for these supplies to get over there What does that do to you just on a heart level? I Wish I could explain to the world What I see in there and I wish that I could be able to go and say The this guy right here.

He needs to go to africa with us I never not feel that way out every time you know, you always make me have to leave. I don't want to leave them I I feel like i'm at home With them and I feel like that we have a common bond That I would have never expected that only god could put together Now that you've had an experience with it. What do you think of the faith-based programs that core civic offers? I think They're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because The return rate Of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one Are it's just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't have them and I think that that says so much That doesn't have anything to do with me. It just has something to do with god using somebody broken to help other broken people If people want to donate a used prosthetic limbs whether from a loved one who passed away or You know somebody who outgrew them you've donated some of your own for them to do. How do they do that? Where do they find them? Please go to standingwithhope.com Slash recycle standingwithhope.com Slash recycle standingwithhope.com Slash recycle. Thanks. Gracie take my hand lean on me We will stay