Some Caregivers May Find This Helpful During the Christmas Season

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Call 866-WINASIA or to see chickens and other animals to donate, go to CritterCampaign.org. He will be strong, but he will never be safe, and the joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

I am Peter Roseburger. Glad to have you with us. This is a show for you as a family caregiver, and we hope that the joy of the Lord is your strength.

That's Gracie with Rust Half off of her CD Resilient. Go out to HopeForTheCaregiver.com. Click on the CD cover there or donate button.

Whatever you want to do, we'll send a copy of that to you. By the way, the book Hope for the Caregiver makes a great Christmas gift. Good stocking stuffer. Caregiving is hard enough. Friends don't let friends care-give alone. Give them the gift of somebody who has been slogging away at this.

I'm in my 35th year as a caregiver, and I've learned a few things along the way. John has been a big part of that with me. John, dip your sensuous claw into the jar and pull out another Christmas gift. Let's see, a talon. Your raptor-like appendage. I will use this raptor-like appendage to write a Christmas card to myself. That's one of my favorites, and I'll tell you why. I really like it.

I'm sure you will. The obvious becomes obvious right before it becomes obvious, doesn't it? The reason I did that one is because there are a lot of caregivers whose loved one is impaired to the point where they cannot do this anymore. They cannot buy a Christmas card. They don't even know who they are sometimes. Or a birthday card or anniversary or things such as that.

The very concept of the card escapes them. It is heartbreaking for that, particularly when you're dealing with spouses like this. I suggested this some time ago, and it caught on. AARP did some stuff with me on this and others.

It really caught on. I said, go get a card of what that loved one would say if they could say it, if they weren't impaired. Because sometimes that loved one will become abusive or hateful or angry because the dementia takes over and the relationship is gone.

And you're dealing with dementia and Alzheimer's, you're not dealing with the person anymore or psychosis or whatever it is, mental illness, doesn't matter. But if they were healthy, what would they say to you? What would you say to somebody who is doing what you do and get that card? And then I always recommend that stick a $10 bill in it just for kicks and giggles for yourself. Who doesn't like to open a card with money in it?

Exactly. We joke around. It sounds funny, but there is a very big psychological thing that happens when cash is involved. Something about cash. Well, and also when you have a note of affirmation that comes in the mail to you days after you sent it, so you don't know what's going to be happening two days from now, you may be having a really bad day and then you open that up and it says, hey, I just want you to know I love you.

There's something about that and for caregivers, it is not inappropriate to affirm what you're doing and who you are. And this is where this whole show, this is the whole show at its core. Because if your heart is a train wreck, your wallet will be, your body will be, your relationships will be. Think back to that woman who was pushing her frail mother. She was 350 pounds, every bit of it.

Where do you think the biggest weight is? It's not her body. It's on her heart. And if we could help ease that heart, it gives her a fighting chance to deal with the body weight. Those people that are afraid to talk to somebody like Tommy about their money, it's their heart that's keeping them from that. If we could help them understand that if the heart is healthy, everything else gets a shot at it. And sometimes it's helping that heart get healthy is something simple like a card, you know, to yourself because you're worth doing this for.

What you're doing is extraordinary. And I know of couples who've done this. And I have one lady I remember calling in and, you know, her husband had passed away. And it was going to be their first Valentine's without each other. And she was, you could tell she was a little bit emotional. And I said to her, I asked her, what was his favorite meal? And she said spaghetti.

And I said, how about making a big old pot of spaghetti, maybe have a friend or two over and celebrate the extraordinary love that you two had. And you could just almost, it was over the phone, but you could just hear her perk up. And she said, you could just hear her breathe. I mean, she's just a big gasp of oxygen. She said, that is a great, I'm going to do that. And she did.

And I thought, you know, it doesn't have to be complex. So if you could send a card to yourself that says, you know what? Well done. And celebrate that love that you have. Maybe your husband or your wife can't remember you anymore. Okay. But if they weren't impaired, they would remember you.

And what would they say? Get a card that says that. And if you need some help picking out one of those cards, you know, ask somebody to help you with that, a trusted friend or so forth.

And you can always call my friend Ken Nejar over at Logos Bookstore in Nashville, 615-297-5388, and tell him over the phone that I sent you there. I don't care where you're calling from. You can call from Timbuktu and say Ken or Cindy, it's his wife. You say Peter sent me here because I got to pick out a card that does this. And I'm too fragile to do that. And he'll pick you out one. He will do that.

You know how I know that? Because there have been times when Gracie could not get to a card store for my birthday or for our anniversary. And she would call them up and they would pick out just the right card and help her get it for me. Okay? So why don't you take a shot at that, 615-297-5388, and, you know, and get them to pick out a card for you. Just say, you are doing something extraordinary.

Merry Christmas to yourself. And don't ask Ken to put $10 in it because he won't. Well, I mean, he would if he had $10 surcharge. Yeah, he would have $10 surcharge.

Yes, that he would do. But, you know, these are little things that caregivers can do for themselves. And it may sound simple, but you know what? I found, John, in my lengthy years now, that sometimes simplest is best. Oh, yeah. Well, in that, you can save a lot of, it's, you know, coming down to saving times, saving energy and everything like that.

But it's just being efficient about it. Right now, we're just worried about saving you as a caregiver. Exactly.

Yeah. And if you got to call a card, a bookstore in Nashville, Tennessee, because your heart's too fragile, so what? Do it.

Because you will benefit. And you'd be surprised the kind of cards that Ken and Cindy would pick out for you. You know?

So those are little things. And it's not too late. Do it this week.

615-297-5388. As soon as you hear this, pick them up, call them and say, Ken, Peter told me to call you and you guys would pick out a card to send to me because I don't know what else to do. I'm so lonely. I'm so discouraged.

And you can get it in the mail two days later. You know? Just do it.

Okay? Your heart is worth it. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers and it always starts at the heart. Hope you've had a good time today.

Hope you learned a few things and got a little bit of courage and felt a little bit more connected. Isolation cripples caregivers. And we don't want you to go through it alone. Friends don't let friends care give alone. And that's why we're here.

Hopeofthecaregiver.com. John, you're a beautiful person. Don't ever change. Back at you, buddy. All right. We'll see you next week. Bye bye.