Mercy for an Overwhelmed Caregiver

Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver.

That is Andre Crouch and the Gospel Disciples. Tell them, one of my all-time favorite songs, to heal the broken-hearted. We have another stark reminder of how broken this world is, about what happened in Texas. And I wanted to talk a little bit about this in this context.

I have some of my editors that I write for on a national level that told me that they may want me to write on this when the time is right. Sometimes you have to just let it all kind of sit for a while. But I figured I could have this conversation with you all here on this program because you understand it. I am of the mindset that whenever you see behavior like with this young man showed in Texas, some are calling it mental illness, some are calling it evil, some are calling it both, whatever. When you have somebody who is broken that completely, that this is what they choose to do, there's always a caregiver around somewhere who is ill-prepared, overwhelmed, and under-equipped to deal with such a person. The story is still unfolding, but you have a mother who has some level of drug history.

And I don't know whether she's an active user or not, but she doesn't seem to be very present in this life. You have a father that nobody has mentioned. You have grandparents, particularly one, a grandmother, who this young man shot. And it appears that the grandmother was the closest in proximity to this extremely troubled young man.

And then he shot her. Cops have been called out to the house. People were familiar with this young man and the drama that was going on at this house. I go back to the shooting down at Parkland, Nicholas Cruz, and the reports were that the cops were called out to the house 39 times. And my first question was when that all happened, who called the cops? Overwhelmingly, it was this young man's adopted mother who was in over her head, again, ill-prepared, overwhelmed, and under-equipped to deal with somebody who had the level of dysfunction and brokenness that this young man had.

And as soon as she died, he shot up the school. And you can pretty much trace this with every one of these horrific scenes is there's always one person, a caregiver, that is in proximity to this young individual who does this. And they're just in and over their heads. And nobody knows what to say. Nobody seems to say anything to the caregiver about what does help look like, that it's okay to call the police and insist on certain things.

Safety is the number one thing. And for whatever reason, a lot of people won't do it. Maybe it's embarrassment, shame. Maybe they're afraid to make the call because of the repercussions, regardless of which the authorities must be engaged and must be informed.

There's no other way around this. This type of destructive behavior does not resolve itself on its own. It's not going to get better without serious intervention. And that intervention contact, the point of contact for that intervention is often a family caregiver.

Actually, it's almost always a family caregiver. And if this individual is not stopped, if there's not an intersection between boundaries in this individual, they will continue on as we saw in Texas, as we've seen in other places. I'll let other people deal with the gun issue because that's not my issue here other than when you have somebody who is exhibiting aberrant behavior out of control, any type of mental illness, it would seem appropriate to make some phone calls at that point and ensure that they cannot be a danger to themselves or to others. The same thing goes from getting behind the wheel of a car while intoxicated, which we just saw the husband of the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States do. There are a lot of conversations that need to be had about people who are doing things that put others at risk. But right now I just want to focus on this individual, this grandmother. And I have maintained for a long time that one of the greatest assets to reaching these individuals with a clear message of what help looks like is from clergy and that they can ask these families that they see are dysfunctional.

If there's one parent missing and another one is on drugs, that alone should be a red flag that the children are at risk. And so we can make a call, we can have a conversation with whoever is left there and ask some pointed questions. Are you safe? Do you feel safe?

Do you see things that trouble you? Can we have a conversation with a professional? All of these things are legitimate questions that engage this individual, not for them to be defensive and it helps them actually, it helps disarm them so that they're not defensive, that they know that somebody cares. But we have to ask. We have to get outside of our comfort zone a little bit and we have to ask people. And if we see something that is going on, we don't have to become this tattletale society. I think this is where Christians can lead the pack. We become a ministering society. We become people that care about one another, bear one another's burdens.

But sometimes it starts with just a conversation. Do you feel safe? Are you okay? Are you concerned? Would it be okay if we had a conversation with a professional and see if we can't talk about this? This isn't a hindsight kind of thing. This is a teachable moment where we as a people can change up the way we engage and the way we respond. I know that everybody wants to get onto the political bandwagon, the gun wagon bandwagon, all that kind of stuff.

I'm not on any of those things. I'm on the caregiver path and I understand the heartache involved for so many out there. I see it. I talk with them. It's one of the reasons I ask callers to this program. How are you feeling? We start a conversation, let them know that it's okay to not be okay.

It really is. And this grandmother, there's no way you can tell me that she hasn't been living in fear and being troubled for some time with a young man like this in her house. But unless we penetrate into this broken, dysfunctional, lost, troubled environment with the clarity and the message of the gospel, they don't even have a fighting chance. Now they may not respond well.

It may not go well, but that's not, that's not a reason to not do it. I don't want to use a double negative. That does not relieve us of the responsibility of saying it. And results are in God's department. But if we don't say anything, if we don't reach out to people that we know are hurting and scared and overwhelmed with a clear understanding of God and his mercy and his loving kindness, then what are we all about? Micah 7 18, who is a God like you who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. Our God shows us mercy in our brokenness.

Who are we to withhold this and reaching out to other people? Nehemiah 9 31, but in your great mercy, you did not put an end to them or abandon them for you are a gracious and merciful God. Psalm 1 30 out of the depths, I cry to you, Lord, Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attended to my cry for mercy. We can cry for mercy because of the redemptive work of Christ that allowed us to go to God and ask for mercy.

And my question is, are we willing to extend it? Do we see what's going on around us? We like talking about God's mercy for us, but do we show mercy to others?

And part of showing mercy to others is reaching into their heartache and being with them, engaging with them. Thoreau said that we all live lives of quiet desperation. You don't have to go looking for it.

You just have to be willing to see it. It's everywhere. And if we think that somehow we're insulated from this, we're wrong.

It's everywhere because it is the human condition. And showing mercy is a reflection of the character of God and mercy does not mean that you're letting somebody get away with doing something bad or aberrant. It means that you're willing to go and recognize their brokenness and be with them, comfort them, strengthen them. They are in distress. And who's going to speak to that distress?

And all the others that you see on cable news and everything else, they all want to get out there and argue about the politics and the policies of it. But as Christians, we know better. Politics doesn't redeem anybody. Politics can't. The life changing message of the gospel is what does it. And the founding fathers of this country understood this, that the human condition is corrupt. There is no legislation that can be passed by Congress, no executive order passed by a president that's going to transform the human heart. But the mercy of God almighty does, can, has and will. That is the great news that we can share with others. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll be right back.