Lessons from a Paper Turkey, Poems, and Christmas Tips for Caregivers

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Call 866-WINASIA or to see chickens and other animals to donate, go to crittercampaign.org. Hi, this is Jeff Foxworthy. 65 million Americans serve as a caregiver for a sick or disabled loved one. If you're one of them, then listen to my friend Peter Rosenberger's show.

He's got redneck tendencies, but he's really good at what he does. Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver. This is our podcast and we are thrilled to have you along with us as we delve into all things caregiver. We speak fluent caregiver here on the show.

You would think by now I would have learned it. I've been my 35th year. I am Peter Rosenberger, bringing you a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline of help to those who are pushing the wheelchair, stayed up late with loved ones, back and forth to medical visits, name it, laundry. You know, I've often found that laundry is probably one of the biggest tasks we do as caregivers, but through all of that, how's your heart space? How's your head space? What's the soul of a caregiver?

What's going on with that? And that's what we talk about on this show, because if your heart is in a squirrely place, guess what? It doesn't matter how good you do the laundry.

It doesn't matter these other things. And so our goal here on this show is to offer insights and things that will help strengthen you from the inside out. And that way, then our wallets have a fighting chance, our bodies have a fighting chance, our jobs, our relationships, everything else has a fighting chance if our heart space is in a good place. And so we'd love to have you join with us if you're watching along on social media. We do stream the podcast live on social media through our Facebook page, Hope for the Caregiver, and our Facebook group, Hope for the Caregiver. You're welcome to join that. And also through our page of Standing with Hope, which is the presenting sponsor of the show, the overall arching ministry that supports what we do. And you can follow along on those live. And then certainly the podcast, if you're listening by now on the podcast, you know how to get in touch with the podcast. It's a free podcast and I hope you'll share it with others. We are, I think, encroaching upon our 500th episode, I think.

We're getting pretty close to it, if not already there. And we have a pretty exhaustive library of topics and things we've just delved into and hope you'll take advantage of it. And when I say we, I don't mean myself in the plural. I mean himself, the Baron of the Board, the Sultan of Sound, the Earl of Engineering, the man who is lovely to behold. He is John Butler, the Count of Mighty Disco, everyone. How you doing, Peter? Oh, thank you so much for the intro. It is always a delight to be here. Lovely to behold.

Lovely to behold. Well, better than great and terrible as the dog. Great and terrible, John.

No, we've got a lot to cover. What are you doing, Peter? Well, I'm doing okay. I want to ask you a couple of questions.

Okay, sure. First off, how was your Thanksgiving? My Thanksgiving was fantastic. I roasted a duck. I baked several cheesecakes. And I woke up Friday morning and just cut off a slice of fresh baked bread and dipped it in duck fat. And that was my breakfast and it was fantastic.

We talk about the food a lot initially, like, oh, that's what, you know. But I did a lot of cooking, but I got to do a lot of cooking with the kids and that was a real treat. Did they enjoy that?

They do up to a point, obviously. Did you get to do a lot of cleaning with the kids? Did they enjoy that part of it?

They did not enjoy that part. However, they are on dishwasher duty. I grew up in a large family and we all had assignments. We had chores. And my dad used to say, look, your mother is not your maid.

And dad was also a captain in the Navy. And so when he asked for a bed to be made, he literally wanted to see a quarter bounce off of it. Yeah, and he meant something very specific when he said, I want this bed made. Yeah, and he showed us how to do it.

We knew how to do it. But we each had a night for kitchen duty. Do you still do hospital corners when you make your bed in the morning? Sometimes. Sometimes I cut corners.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. But my night to do the kitchen was always Wednesday night. And I have four brothers. And so we each had a sister, a baby sister, but we each pulled a night.

And that way mom was not stuck with a kitchen full of dirty dishes. And so, you know, that was our life. But we had a quiet Thanksgiving. We were going to go down to South Carolina, but we did not.

I just had not healed up enough from my surgery that I felt like going across the country and sitting in a plane. And so we pushed that back until after the holidays. And then we'll have a little bit more time to be with them when it's not so crazy. Because I do have a large family and only about a third of them got together.

I won't tell you what state they're in because the governor may... No, I'm just kidding. But it's a large family. So mom and dad are getting a little elderly. So it's a little overwhelming when we all come in. And so we'll have some quality time.

And then that'll give me a chance to heal up when I go at Christmas to see our new granddaughter, who I have not seen. I have not seen this young lady yet. I was going to ask if you had physically been in the presence yet. I have not.

Well, that's unfortunate, but probably a good call. It's the sign of the times, but I will be coming soon. And so I want to be up for her. I wanted to share something before we get into what we're going to talk about today. And by the way, you got a big shout out already on Facebook from Mary Ann. Oh, Mary Ann, it is a delight to hear from you. Thank you so much.

It is my pleasure. I wanted to share something that happened many years ago. When I wrote Gracie's book, I helped her put her autobiography together.

It's called Gracie's Standing with Hope. And by the way, if I'm not looking directly at you, John, I'm looking over, I got two cameras here and things like that. So you know the deal.

I know the drill. When I was helping her put together her book, I married Gracie after her accident. I didn't know her when she had her accident. And it wasn't until several years later that I met her. But when they were at the hospital, I did a lot of research to help her put all this together.

And then I helped actually pin it. It's as told to me. The publisher said, nobody's going to know her story better than you, so you write it. I was like, did you see my grades in English class? We got editors.

Thucker came back with so much red ink on it in the first draft, I thought I'd been stabbed. But there was a, as I talk with the family about the events that happened, because Gracie was hurt on November 18th. Well, that's right here at the holidays, so she was unconscious for three weeks. Her head smacked that steering wheel pretty hard, and she was unconscious for three weeks and hovering between life and death.

They did not know if she was going to live or not. And they were having Thanksgiving. Her family, her sister and her mother and father and her aunt and her grandmother all came up, they were there. And they had Thanksgiving in the hospital cafeteria, one floor below intensive care where Gracie was. And I know this hospital very well because we had 50 plus surgeries at that hospital we went through together.

So I know, I know, I know this cafeteria. And so the down there and the family is trying their hardest to have some kind of meaningful Thanksgiving experience. And Gracie's grandmother who's gone on, she's passed away many years ago. She pulled out one of those old paper turkeys that fold out, you know, that have the things, and she put it on the table. And she inserted a spot of normalcy into an extremely abnormal situation. And I've always thought, and we included that in the story, and I always thought that was an important moment that, you know, and I think it only comes from people who have the kind of perspective that maybe, you know, somebody who's lived the kind of life she's had. She was, you know, she's elderly. She was elderly at the time. But she had gone through the Depression and, you know, World War. She'd lost a son who was in the military. She, you know, all the things, she'd lost her husband. So she'd had a lot of life experiences. Not a lot was going to surprise this lady. No, and she also understood the importance of normalcy in abnormal situations. And I thought, well, that's a great lesson for us as caregivers that it's OK, even in the midst of craziness.

Sometimes it's just going to be a fold out paper turkey that you get, you know, at the dollar store or whatever it is. I don't know where she got it. But I always admired her for trying to help orient the family to say, look, we're going to get through this. And we do have something to be thankful for. And Gracie, of course, lived and has gone on to achieve great things, even though she bears in her body the scars and the consequences of what happened to her and still has to deal with it. But for me, that was an important symbol. That was an important symbol. So and I, I had Thanksgiving dinner here with her parents and and we, you know, we talked a little bit about that journey.

And as and as our as we. Give thanks, you know, I, I try to imagine how painful that was for her family to have to be sleeping on the floor in a critical care waiting room over Thanksgiving. But by the time they kind of started catching their breath a little bit, that's when her grandmother came up. And then all of a sudden they started they found a room to stay in and that kind of stuff.

And and because they were from Florida and Gracie was in Tennessee. And so it was just just one of those things that Thanksgiving can be very, very, very difficult for families with special needs and disabilities and so forth. And it we want to be up for the holidays and have just great time and all that. But it's also a time of deep reflection for a lot of people that there are a lot of Thanksgivings that have not been so festive. Gracie and I've had Thanksgiving dinner while she's been in the hospital bed and and and the church brought a meal to us there.

So we had a nice Thanksgiving meal, but we were in the hospital. And so and Thanksgiving's kind of like that. It it's a it does call us to, you know, think about for what we're thankful and everything like that. But that can really be, you know, that can be this just, you know, all positive thing like, oh, I've got a ton to be thankful for. But it also, you know, the light of that can cast a shadow and make you think about. I really need to be thankful for things because of all this other stuff. You know, it can be this sweet deal.

It is it is a bittersweet time for a lot of people. And I respect that. One of the things I do on the call-in show on Saturday mornings when I have so many callers, John doesn't get up early with me on that on Saturday mornings.

It's in his contract that he will not do a live on-air broadcast before the crack of noon. Saturday is my one day to sleep in. The kids know it, right? But I asked people to give something that they're thankful for, and I had to drill down with this because the first couple of callers. Oh, I'm thankful for God and and and his son Jesus Christ. And I was like, listen, I get that. We all are. We get it.

We all I get it. But I want you to drill down and get something very specific that you're thankful for. And and I think the more specific you get, I think the more connection you have to it, the more.

Yeah. What's the word I'm looking for? Well, it's the more pertinent, you know, or, you know, it's more crystalline in your mind. If you really have you can think about this. I'm I'm thankful for the love of my family.

Well, that's you know, it's not specific enough. If you want to say I am really thankful for the love of my only child or something like that, or I'm that sort of. I will tell you one for me is that I and I know this to be a heartbreak for a lot of guys because I've talked to them. But I am very, very thankful that I never have to spend a minute looking over my shoulder wondering if my father loves and approves of me.

And I'm not one minute. I have no doubt that my dad truly loves me and approves of me. Not always approve everything I do, but he approves of me as does my mother and and you know, this is a little bit personal, but every time I'm with them, I leave them and I talk to them throughout the week, almost every day. But when I'm with them personally, I look at them and I because they're elderly and I say, look, nothing needs to be said and nothing needs to be unsaid. You know, and that's just something up and I'm very thankful that I have that kind of relationship because the more the older I get, the more I realize how few people have that. And it's not it's something to be treasured. And I do treasure it. This is this is something that it's sorry, this kind of going off on a on a little bit of a side track, but it's us, John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that sort of attitude, that that feeling that you have that you don't ever have to worry about, you know, does my dad love and cherish me?

It's it's it just makes me think about I think about this a lot this week. And there are people who really don't have that about themselves. They don't have the confidence in their own ability.

They don't love themselves in a way that allows them to be confident in certain situations or allows them to be, you know, socially, socially adept as they might want, because they're uncomfortable with that or whatever. I hear you. I have one last thing to offer. And I'm going to be very bold on this one, John.

OK. I am thankful that your two children will never have to look over their shoulder and wonder if their dad loves and approves of them, because I know that you do. And I'm thankful for the model that you are to those kids. This is hope for the caregiver. Sorry, we get a little bit emotional there, but hey, you know what?

Being a caregiver is emotional. This is Peter Roseberger. Don't go away.

We'll be right back. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope for more than a dozen years. We've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

I am Peter Roseberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver to help you stay stronger and healthier and dare I say it, even a little more joyful as we deal with often very difficult circumstances, but we don't have to collapse under the strain. Bad storms make for good sailors. And that's kind of our whole theme here. We're not asking that necessarily that storms be all taken away because we know that they won't be. And some storms are going to last a lifetime, but may we be stronger in it. And so we're glad to have you with us. Go ahead, John. We hit on that last week, actually, you know, just that I don't want the road to be easy.

I just want to be strong enough for whatever road there is, you know. Yeah. And it's, well, it speaks for itself.

There's a Latin phrase that lawyers use that I can't remember what it is. You should know that. Oh, quibono? That's two weeks benefit. I'm sorry. I don't know how your Thanksgiving went. For those who listen to the show regularly, you know our sensitivity to how difficult holidays can be for caregivers. And those of you who are longtime listeners know that my favorite holiday, of course, is Arbor Day. Oh, you know my favorite holiday?

No fuss, no fuss. What's that? Oh, you know, April Fool's Day. April Fool's Day. On Arbor Day, there's no muss, there's no fuss, no parade, no drama. You just plant a tree, water it, and say a prayer and walk away.

Nobody gets hurt. But I recognize how difficult it is for caregivers for holiday times because you have this unwieldy burden of making it special and also with that sense of dread that, oh my goodness, this may be the last one kind of thing. And that's a hard way to live.

And so we want to do things on this show that are going to speak to that in a way that you are strengthened and encouraged by this. You know, you don't have to have it perfect. You know, we all want the Currier and Ives or the Norman Rockwell. You remember his painting for Thanksgiving, Norman Rockwell? There is no way that that little old lady can hold up that bird the way that she's holding it, all right? You see her? She's leaning over the table and this bird is bigger than her. She's just holding it like it's nothing.

There's a block and tackle. Yeah, well, you know, and I think it is and we paint ourselves, though, into these terrible corners that are hard to shape because we've got to make it like it was. Yeah, it is the unrealistic standards that we think are our standards when, in fact, they aren't. We made them up and it's not society that made them up. It's not your neighbor that made them up.

At the end of the day, it's you that made them up and you can just change those standards. And you're the one that's shackled to it. Yeah, you're the one that's married to this. You know, for example, everybody's having turkey. You had duck. Oh, yeah. Last year I had beef Wellington. I remember that.

I was surprised at that old with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, you know, duck season, rabbit season, duck season. You can really enjoy the traditional things and and and want to do that and do everything, but the things that are really important to me, and I can't say what's important to everybody else but I would humbly submit that the things that are really important is not whether you get the whole bean or the whole the whole berry or just the jelly cranberry stuff in the can. I would submit that it is not, you know, did mama make the stuffing this year that she that I really like I would submit that it is. There's some really much more important things like maybe just calling grandma. You know, there are well said. Yeah, and those things are fine.

Don't get me wrong. You can you can hyperbolically complain about things, but you know you can and and and it but it is sometimes you have to have Thanksgiving in a hospital room. Yeah, and sometimes you have to wave through a window because you can't get in to see them and sometimes it's just a paper. That's and sometimes it's a paper turkey in the hospital cafeteria, and it is what it is.

As we shift gears the next segment when we come back from the break at the bottom of the hour, we're going to go into some stuff getting ready for Christmas because that's another one that becomes very difficult. But last week we read a poem from one of our listeners who said it and it and I referenced this poem is one. It's it may be my favorite poem of all times.

Maybe. It's a simple poem, but for some reason it spoke to me. I'm no connoisseur of the arts by any stretch of the imagination, but this spoke to me. Don't you have a composition degree?

Is that? Well, I do, but I do have a composition, but it's a music composition and I wanted to read this. Well, yes, true, but I'm not like some people are just like, what do you call the guy that knows how all the great wines sommelier? Oh, a sommelier.

Yeah. Or are you a bard you aren't, you know, is that? A bard I ain't.

He ain't no bard he ain't. But this one I love and I think this speaks to me as a caregiver because I think about all the things that churning that I must do, I must do, I must do. And that poem last week we read from Melissa was and that's out of our podcast. If you want to go hear it, please take advantage.

It's a beautiful poem she did. But remind me of this one. And this is mine.

This is when I have those moments. And it's by Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. And I live in Montana. I live out here next to the forest and we have snow. I mean, it's this is I live in Narnia and this is six months out of the year.

But it's I want to read it to you before we go to the break. Whose woods these are, I think I know. His house is in the village, though. He will not see me stopping here to watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer to stop without a farmhouse near between the woods and frozen lake the darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake to ask if there is some mistake. The only other sounds the sweep of easy wind and downy flake. These woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep. As a caregiver, that makes that chokes me up every time because there are places that are so pristinely beautiful or peaceful, whether it's in the moment, just closing your eyes or whether it's physically going outside. When I see the horse, I look through the window here and I see the horses out here in the snow. But I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep and I think that's the tension for us as caregivers is that we find these places of beauty, but the tension is that we know we have a lot to do.

And how do we resolve that tension in a way that doesn't compromise our abilities to be healthier people and to appreciate the beauty and we're going to talk a little bit about that more in the next segment, but and I have miles to go before I sleep. This is Peter Roseberry. There's hope for the caregiver here with John Butler and we are so glad that you're with us. Don't go away. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization, Standing with Hope, when my wife, Gracie, gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager. And she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out. And finally, she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore.

What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with Standing with Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give?

They go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com. As a caregiver, think about all the legal documents you need. Power of attorney, a will, living wills, and so many more. Then think about such things as disputes about medical bills. What if, instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help, you paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life? Well, we're taking legal representation and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full-service coverage.

Finally, you can live life knowing you have a lawyer in your back pocket who, at the same time, isn't emptying it. It's called Legal Shield, and it's practical, affordable, and a must for the family caregiver. Visit caregiverlegal.com. That's caregiverlegal.com.

Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you? www.caregiverlegal.com, an independent associate. I love that. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. That's Gracie from her CD, Resilient.

You know what? If you want it for a Christmas gift, it's a great Christmas gift. You can go out and be a part of what we're doing at hopeforthecaregiver.com.

You see where it says donate for any amount, any amount. We'll send you a copy of that CD, and you can send it on to put it in the stocking for someone or whatever. It's a great CD that she has done of songs that will just lift you up, touch your heart. She ends up with a beautiful rendition of an old hymn called Breathe On Me, Breath of God, and she does it a cappella. And the reason she did, she didn't know that hymn, but my mother was in intensive care with congestive heart failure, and she couldn't breathe.

I mean, she had a tube, she had a ventilator tube, and she was in pretty bad shape. And she pointed out she wanted Gracie to sing that to her. Well, Gracie didn't know it.

I got the hymnal for it. And I listened to Gracie. I helped her learn it. But I listened to her as I was coming down the hallway. She was in the intensive care room. I could hear her voice echoing all the way down throughout the corridor, and nurses were stopping to listen. And Gracie was singing, Breathe On Me, Breath of God. I mean, it was like, and I thought, okay, we're putting that on the record.

That was like, when Chris Latham and I did that, we were just bawling in the control room while she was singing it. Okay, so real quick, a side question, because I do have a poem, by the way. Oh, I like your poem. I like your ear for poetry, the way that you do.

I mean, that's kind of crazy. Here we are talking about two grown men talking about poetry on a show. What's your podcast about?

Two grown men? I've written lyrics. Yeah, fair, fair. No, but I've written poetry my entire life because there is no greater creative force than a young man trying to get a young lady. Well said. But beside the point, but I do have a quick question for you, though, before I give you a poem.

Speak it to me, my bearded friend. Yeah, yeah. What is, do you have a review of hospitals based on the acoustics? Like, is the ICU, which hospital has the best acoustics? I got to tell you that the Greenville Memorial Hospital in Greenville, South Carolina, where I heard Gracie singing that, the acoustics were so good in there. We were in the ICU, so there wasn't a lot of carpet.

Right. Now, most hospital rooms don't have carpet, but a lot of the hallways will have carpet. And so I remember at St. Thomas, they put in carpet, so it didn't do it. The rooms itself were kind of noisy, but the hallways were a little bit quieter or they had that kind of that flooring that was kind of sound absorbent.

It was not carpet, but it was it almost like it kind of gave a little bit. Vanderbilt, there's no acoustics will help Vanderbilt in Nashville. It's just it is it is a cacophony of sounds at Vanderbilt. It's just it's just noise nonstop. And Summit, I don't remember a whole lot about their acoustics. Henderson Memorial is OK. Out here at this little hospital here in Ennis, it's OK.

There's a lot of carpet in the hallways. My point is, is that you know about the acoustics. Well, I do.

I just gave you a list of six hospitals. Exactly, exactly. But the one in the one in Greenville with my mother was the best. Oh, lovely. All right. So one of my favorite poems is from Arthur O'Shaughnessy.

And it's just Ode. The Green Fellow, huh? Yeah. No, but you'll know the opening. So we are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams. Willy Wonka.

Yeah. Standing by alone workers and sitting by desolate streams, world losers and world forsakers on whom the pale moon gleams. But we are the movers and shakers of the world forever. It seems with wonderful deathless ditties, we build up the world's great cities and out of a fabulous story. We fashion an empire's glory. One man at pleasure shall go forth and conquer a crown and three with a new song's measure can trample an empire down. We in the ages lying in the buried past of the earth built Nineveh with our sighing and Babel itself with our mirth and or through them with prophesizing to the old of the new world's worth.

For each age is a dream that is dying or one that is coming to birth. And that's it. You know, I could do a whole I could do a whole CD of John reading poetry. I just realized there's a real market for this.

There should be. Why does that why does that speak to you? Well, a little bit because of Thanksgiving, each age is a dream that is dying or one that is coming to birth. It's especially in this year. We've got a really weird set of circumstances going on and we always feel like we're on the brink of something terrible.

But that's every day. That's we we and and we as humans, you know, we built this wonderful. We built this city on rock and roll. It sounds like we built we built Nineveh with our sighing and Babel itself with our mirth.

And then we overthrew them because we found something that worked better. And that's, you know, that kind of that. It's just a little bit about I think he wrote that about. I can't remember what it was. It was some some terrible war, you know, but just like, hey, yeah, things are weird. Things are things are strange.

But yeah, it changes the own. Gracie said something the other day that a lot of people have been posting on social media. She said, you know, when they were saying, gosh, I can't wait for 2020 to be over. I'm going to go out on New Year's Eve and give the finger to 2020. You know, all this kind of stuff.

And she said, never wish anything away because there are countless others who would give one more day, even in 2020. Exactly. And that's a little, that's a very, very pertinent. Yeah. And so, you know, I look at the people that we've lost this year, not just through the coronavirus, but other things. And I look at the things that were lost, that people lost the ability to do and so forth. And so it was just, it was a very, it was a splash of cold water on me from Gracie to say, hey, really think through this.

Don't wish anything away because, but because we all know people who would give all they have for one more day with the cherished loved one, that kind of thing. And so, you know, and I think that if anybody can say it, it's Gracie. I think so. And I think that we sometimes, I'm doing a, I don't know if you knew this or not, but I'm doing a column every week in the local community paper out here. And it's called Caregiver Coroner. It's kind of like Dear Abby's, Dear Peter. And I'm hoping to syndicate it, you know, just like I've done with the radio show, but do it with this.

I was told that I have a face for radio and a voice for print. But one of the questions that I got was, Dear Peter, would you do it again? And this is the answer I wrote back. As caregivers, we struggle enough with reality, so living in the hypothetical is never recommended. And then I went in to explain my thoughts on this because I don't like to live in the hypothetical. I think we can live, let's don't live in the would, could, should, or if only. Sometimes we romanticize or regret the past or we fantasize and or are afraid of the future.

And either way, we're not living in the present. And that's the hardest thing for us as caregivers. And for you to take that poem and just pound it in and say, OK, here's the breath of this.

And you say, here's our moment in time to wrap our arms around this. And I love that. So what do you think? I'd like to hear feedback from everybody.

Should we do a full record of John doing poetry? Oh, I'm on board with that. So I go ahead. No, I do. Well, I do a weird like kind of Facebook live broadcast for my friends sort of deal without getting too far into it.

But one of the rewards for for watching long enough is, you know, hey, you know what? Give me I'll do a cold read. Throw your favorite poem at me and I'll just I'll read it right off the bat.

Just happy to do it. I love it because it really in the same way that you ask somebody. Do you have a favorite song? Do you you know, like what's what's something that really speaks to you or what's something that you would, you know, asking somebody what their favorite poem is or even like how they take their hash browns at Waffle House. But something personal. Well, I've changed it now that I've come out to out west here in Montana.

Scattered, covered, chucked, and branded. No, there's not any Waffle House. I have to make my own. I jone so bad for a Waffle House.

You have no idea, man. All right. We're we're going to pivot just a hair because I want to get at least two of these in as we head up to Christmas. Yeah, two of these things that caregivers. What can we do for ourselves as caregivers for Christmas or what exactly what can you do for a loved one? But more importantly, that's a caregiver, but more importantly for yourself.

What can you do? So, John, pick two and let's talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So I've got what seven or eight of these that are your your general deals that I and I love all of them. One thing that I that really leaps out at me is this is it's it's it sounds like the most mundane one or the one that is like, oh, you know, why would why would you why would you lead with this one? But I feel like it might be the most important. And it's do something physical.

It's not something physical. Yeah, it's it's getting out and and especially now because because that can it touches on a lot of the other things that you talk about. But even just like you said, walking to the back of the house and back, you know, or or, you know, I find that with the kids and I, they're doing distance learning right now. We're cooped up an awful lot. And I have to really make the decision to go out and say, hey, let's go ride the bikes around the block or let's walk down to the field and throw the Frisbee or the or the you're in charge of recess. I'm in charge of recess. Absolutely.

So I have to be on that. Otherwise, they don't get out and do anything. And it's really, really important, especially in the wanings, you know, breaths of summer and fall. But it can it can it touches on a lot of the other things like writing a card for yourself or for, you know, getting out to to break that isolation, even though we're we're stuck in this weird quasi quarantine situation, getting out and even just waving at people on the road.

This is look, look, I'm coming at this from a gentleman who lives in the southern United States of America. So we wave at people. We wave at animals out here.

Humans will pack bond with anything. You put two googly eyes on a Roomba. I'm making that my friend and giving it a name. All right.

These more googly eyes. I get that. I've been doing physical therapy with my knee and I've I've listened to my physical therapist talk about the importance of what needs to happen. You know, and I can see the difference in my left leg and my right leg because I lost some muscle mass in my left leg. And I've got to I've got to work on strengthening that up. And she said that'll come with walking.

But you got to you got to, you know, punch it to 30 minutes of something, you know, and that's important. And so we caregivers tend to be. It's real easy to become sedentary. And it's really because you've been putting out fires all day, you know, and well, I yeah, go ahead.

No, go ahead. I was saying you're putting out fires all day. It's easy to neglect those habits of like getting up and going to the gym, if that's your thing, or you go you go. My mother used to go for a swim every morning. And that was that was her thing. And that was her way of kind of getting a little bit of mindfulness or meditation or something where it was a habit that she was in. But then she was putting out fires because she was raising, you know, my brother and I by herself, two boys.

We didn't make it very easy. Well, I didn't realize how much I missed this when I was dealing with my leg because I would get out on the horse. I would be out on the property, you know, doing something and and and I am I'm starting to get back in the in the swing of it now and pushing myself to walk and try to walk better.

But you're right. I mean, that that that's a great gift that we can give to ourselves through the holidays, because when also it's darker, there's more darkness. It tends to dampen our hearts and our souls a little bit. And so I I think it's really important for us to get outside, move ourselves around just to get those endorphins going. Because what happens is we everything just starts piling on us it emotionally and physically, and we start getting further down. And then we put on the you know, the holiday, 15 pounds, that kind of thing or whatever. Oh, yeah. And and it just kind of works against us.

And we have to understand it's working against us. And the only way we can push back, not the only way, but one of the best ways we can push back as a caregiver to give ourselves a Christmas gift is to do something physical. That's a good one.

Do we get time before we go to the break? Let's do one more, John. Oh, yeah. OK, so this one is actually my favorite. But these are these are we're going to lead all the way up to Christmas time.

But these are gifts that you could give yourself as a caregiver. Yeah. Yeah. And this one's actually my favorite. But I wanted to lead with kind of the kind of the preaching one. Hey, get up, get up, get off the couch.

Let's go. But the other one that this one I really like and I feel is very important is to do something that brings you joy. It can have some activity. It doesn't necessarily need to be physical. I like to do calligraphy.

That's not really a high heart rate sport or anything like that. Actually, I want to brag on John a little bit. He not only does calligraphy, but he's been doing music scoring. I've been watching that.

I did. And I took that in music school. And you are quite good at that young man. Well, thank you. That that little post actually got me about four or five commissions, which with employment being a little bit fuzzy these days.

That was really nice. So I got commissions for people for Christmas gifts. Yeah.

Well, some of my posts have got me four or five commit commitments. Oh, yeah. Well, we can enjoy things here after the break. But yeah, we're I hear the music, so we're coming up on it.

We are going to go to break. These are things. These are great Christmas gifts that we can give to ourselves as a caregiver.

And what are some things that you could do for yourself? Doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but we're going to talk about this. And every week we'll add some more to it. So by the time Christmas gets here, you're not floundering a little bit.

You've been embracing who you are and caring for who you are. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver.

We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish standing with hope for more than a dozen years. We've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up.

That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope. He will be strong, to deliver me safe, and the joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver. Does the joy of the Lord serve as your strength? And it does for my wife indeed. And that is Gracie with Rushed Half. And I just love that.

I just love listening to her sing. I did something that brought joy. We were talking about things that you can do, Christmas gifts for yourself, to build up your heart and to strengthen you and all these kinds of things.

And John is going through the list we have here. Commit to doing something that brings joy to your heart. I did something on Thanksgiving Day because we didn't travel, so we had a little bit more of the open day. We had Thanksgiving, our meal, at dinnertime. So I had the afternoon.

And I laid down and let my leg be propped up a little bit. And I listened to almost all of Handel's Messiah. And we have Alexa. So I just tell Alexa, just play the whole thing. And there was a couple of the arias I skipped. We could just have time. There's a lot.

It's a three and a half hour ordeal. But I've sung Handel's Messiah, those choral pieces. I have sung these things in every voice because I started off singing it when I was in grade school as a soprano. And as my voice changed, it just went further down the page.

And so I was eventually saying bass in it, but I knew all the parts. So when we get to these fabulous choruses, including the Hallelujah Chorus, which is not the ending of the Messiah, by the way. A lot of people think that's the end.

That's not. The ending is worthy as the Lamb. But when you get to the end, and one of my favorites, though, is, And the glory, the glory of the Lord. But I also took conducting in music school. So I'm laying there and I'm conducting this and I've seen in my mind just the orchestra and the choir.

And I'm pointing to all the parts, doing it to come in. And there are just tears filling up my eyes with these things. It's such an exquisitely beautiful piece. He composed all that 24 days. Really? I didn't know that. Kendall did that in 24 days.

He did it in 24 days. But that brought joy to me. I can't tell you what it did for me, personally, just to lift my soul.

And Martin Luther used to say, second to the Word of God, music lifts the soul. Oh, it is a complete shortcut to all parts of our psyche. I don't. Now, this is not a brag.

Write that down. That's brilliant. Oh, no, no, I said that a lot. It's a complete shortcut.

Oh, it's yeah, it's a cheat code or whatever you want to call it. But this is not. This is probably a dig on myself, but I don't often weep. I cry at weddings really bad, but like in the middle of the day or something like that, it's just not it's not a I'm not I'm not like that. And that's OK.

It's not not a big deal. But if you get me on a particular night and there there are a couple of songs that reach into me and just I know I know one of them. Oh, which one? I know one. Hallelujah. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Leonard Cohen.

He did a really good job. It's a chord. Five chords. It's nothing.

It's nothing. It's the easiest chord progression ever. Oh, man. But it is a lovely, lovely song. Also, the the end of the end of that Futurama episode with the dog.

Right. I'm not going to lie. To take a quick aside, but, you know, but no, there's there's a couple of songs that really. They short circuit everything about us sometimes, and it might be because we heard them at a particular time or because they're just constructed in a way that is incredibly moving. But there is something about the human soul that responds to this in ways that. Are they're they're unintentional, they're they're they're outside of our our ability to to come. Yeah, we can't contain it.

We can't. Yeah, it just comes right out. And I for me, I don't like all kinds of music. I was a music major and and it's been I don't I really don't remember a time.

Well, it's better than being a flat minor. That hurts me. But it's I've learned to appreciate all all kinds of things. But when I sit down and I just said, I want to hear the Messiah and I and I thought back to all the choruses that I sang in with the orchestras and everything else.

And there is nothing like doing this with a full orchestra and a full choir. I did not know this. I did a little research on it.

I did not know this about the Messiah. But it was it was really written for a smaller group, 20 singers and a small ensemble with a harpsichord and a couple of violins, you know, like a chamber thing. Yeah, I wasn't supposed to have it. But but as it grew in popularity, people thought it needed to be bigger. Make it bigger.

Make it bigger. And guess who re-orchestrated a lot of this to make it bigger. Oh, was it Beethoven? Mozart. Mozart.

Oh, OK. Mozart. And then it swelled to the point, it got to one point where they had six hundred plus choir members singing it. And then they realized we've gone too far. And they did. What venue?

There was no room for the audience. Yeah, it's just it's just nuts. And so but this was I was listening to at the University of Oxford University over London, I guess, or wherever it is. Cambridge.

Yeah, I don't know where it is, but it's over there and somewhere in England. And but they were doing it and they had scaled it down. But it was exquisite. And and it just it immediately took me back to all those choirs the first time I heard this piece when I was singing this. And because I've sung all four parts of this, I knew where all the parts came in. Right, right, right, right. That was that was really.

I don't know. I just sat there and just and I just like I said, I just I could just picture the choir. I could picture the orchestra. And I knew when the trumpets were supposed to come in. I knew when the timpani came in. I knew when the altos would come in and I was conducting it in my mind and time flew out the window. And this was brought joy to me as a caregiver. Right. And that's the reason we're talking about all this, by the way. I have a couple a couple of pieces that if I want to mention before we get into this, I wake up every day to Moonlight Sonata.

All three movements. It's a really good wake up because it starts very chill and then builds for a little bit. And you end up with some craziness, but also Rhapsody in Blue. Love Rhapsody in Blue.

Oh, yeah. And I know every I know every note to that, like like because we played it and just like all of the mess. Like I know when, you know, that Leonard Bernstein version is just I know every piece of it. And this is something that brings me joy. And that's what we're really talking about to to give yourself a gift as a caregiver. It's really important to it can be an experience. It can be a little bit of time. It can be, you know, doing a piece of art for yourself. It can be gardening. It can be.

Look, Hank Hill once said, I don't know why anybody does drugs when they can just cut grass. Well, that's that is our we leave you with this at the end of the show. That is our challenge to you as caregivers. Find something this Christmas season and beyond that brings you joy. What brings you joy? What what lifts your heart? It doesn't have to be an oratorio like the Messiah.

It could be just listen to Crazy Train, but you know, but never mind. But find something that brings you joy. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We'll see you next week. Hopeforthecaregiver.com