This Caller's Moving Story Brought Me To Tears

I've got a special guest on the phone, John.

Do you? Well, I know because I screened the call. I got a call from her. And Charlene, are you with us?

Yes. Charlene, I love your story. And I love what you told us.

So why don't you go ahead and just share what you told me about your husband and your situation and just take the floor for a few moments and just talk about this. Well, he fell off the roof of our house in 01 and he wasn't supposed to live. So I had him for 17 years longer than medical science said I would.

So I'm very thankful for that. His fall from the roof is not what killed him. It was MS. And he's had that for over 40 years. And until February, when he had a stroke, he could still walk, which is amazing to be as old as he was with MS and be able to walk. And this last year was difficult because I'm now 72 and my muscles are deteriorating and when he couldn't help me, I couldn't help him.

So the last three months we had Caris hospice and they were wonderful and I got to keep him at home. I really couldn't put him in a facility. He couldn't even press the nurse button.

He couldn't use the telephone. But your book, Hope for the Caregiver was really helpful. And the most helpful thing was when you said, look at your hand, you have nail prints, you're not God. And that gave me a lot of encouragement. When somebody put this book in your hands.

Yes. Tell me about what happened and then what you did with it. Well, a friend at church that I know because she works in the prayer room, Wendell Smith, had a book mailed to me that she ordered. And so I started reading a chapter every day when I got to the end. I started all over and I just kept doing that. And the day before he died, I had read the last chapter for however many times I had read the whole book. God is so coordinated.

When you told me that, I was just really floored that you read this thing repeatedly. Yes. And then you got to the last chapter for the umpteenth time and then he passed away and stepped into heaven.

Yes. He donated his body to Vanderbilt. And when they took him out of the house, I said, Steve, I'll see you in the rapture. It is so good to have hope. So good. Well, how are you doing? When was this, by the way?

September 29th of this year. Now, how are you doing right now? Well, I've had some really tough days the last few days, but most of the time I'm doing okay. What do you have planned for Tuesday, for Christmas Day? Well, a friend that sat beside of me in the church orchestra has invited me to dinner and I'm having a friend and her husband over for a Christmas supper. What do you play in the orchestra? The flute. I had to retire from the orchestra. Do you still play the flute at all? No, because it was really astonishing to me that as my muscles deteriorated with age, that wasn't astonishing, but the mouth also has muscles and they deteriorated and I couldn't maintain the tone on the flute. I couldn't stay in the right key.

Well, I have that problem sometimes myself too, but for entirely different reasons there. So you're not going to be alone on Christmas? No, I'm not. My stepson and his wife are coming next Saturday and we're going to do our traditional Christmas then. What is something that you and your husband like to do for Christmas? We played a lot of Christmas music and we had Christmas brunch with his children.

And you're going to maintain that? So far we are, yes. I even hung up his stocking this year and then I saw a movie where an old woman had hung up her husband's Christmas stocking so I thought, well, I'm not the only one, you know.

No, you're not and it's okay. What about a favorite meal that you two like together at Christmas time or a favorite dish or dessert or something? It was a steak biscuits and fruit salad. That was our traditional family Christmas meal. Steak biscuits and fruit salad. Steak and biscuits with fruit salad. Oh, steak and biscuits, not steak biscuits. Yeah, all home cooked. All home cooked. John, did you hear all that? I'm sorry, I'm just really, I want steak biscuits now. Are you going to have steak and biscuits and fruit salad?

We are on the Saturday, January 5th. All right. Those are things that are worth preserving, Charlene, and I do appreciate that you took the time to reach out with this. You know, when I wrote the book, I kind of threw a lot of things out to the wind.

The publisher originally wanted a book of a lot of nice quotes and it had a kind of platitude kind of quotes when I really saw what they were looking for. I mean, it's almost like reading a Hallmark card and I said, no, I'm not doing this. Here's what I'm going to do, because I know caregivers and they don't need platitudes. They don't need syrupy. They don't need what other people may think what's going on. They need somebody who can speak directly to their heart and fluent caregiver.

Exactly. And I really set out to write it to myself. You know, I was 22 years old when I became a caregiver. I asked Gracie to marry me when I was 22.

She's already hurt when I asked her to marry me. And Charlie, I was just dumb as a box of rocks. I mean, I'm just clueless. And I didn't know how to take care of somebody who was hurt.

You wouldn't. You hadn't even connect you to that. And so I thought, what would I say to that young man? To say, here's what's coming down the road and here's what you need to be prepared for, son. And so when I totally, when I went back to the publisher with it, they really liked it.

They liked it a lot because, but they would have never planned it out that way. They really envisioned it being more of just kind of inspirational quotes. And I said, no, no, we've got to give caregivers more than that. And you have reaffirmed to me that we made the right call, that we spoke to your heart on this. And because I've said this, now you feel free to disagree with me. It's not going to hurt my feelings, but I think that you and I are in sync on this. That I've said that it doesn't matter what you try to do for a caregiver, if you don't speak to their heart issue, which is so squirrely and so broken and so messed up and so hurting, that they're not going to be able to really process anything else until you can talk to their heart.

Oh, you are right. And the woman that had the book, she ordered the book and had it mailed to me, she's given that to many people. So many people have been helped through her. Well, I'm just deeply moved by that. I don't know what to say. I remember when I put the book out there, my dad told me, went to print and the publisher took it, distributed it nationally and so forth. He looked at me and said, now it's out there.

You have no idea the impact this is going to have. You trust that to God and you've done the best you can and you put it out there. And when I heard your story with that and the fact that you read the last chapter for the umpteenth time, that he died. And I thought, wow, that's just too much.

That's just too much. And I had to have you on the show just to talk about that and also just to see how you're doing, because a lot of people are in that situation right now, Charlene. They're struggling at the holidays and some of them have not been able to quite say goodbye simply because their loved ones still with them, but they're not with them, if you know what I mean. Yeah, and sometimes I'll look over on his side of the bed to see if he's okay. You know, I'll get up in the middle of the night to let the dog out and I want to see if he's okay and he isn't there.

And I want to say, you know, when Steve wakes up, I'm going to tell him, well, he's not going to wake up. So I started writing it down in a notebook, the things I wanted. I would tell him if he were still here. I'm glad you're doing that. I'm sorry that that just touched my heart. Thank you for sharing that. That's a deeply personal thing that you just shared. And I think that listeners all over the country now that just heard you say that, that really understand that they see that. That is a powerful moment. And thank you for writing them down. And I hope that they'll be a series of thoughts that maybe you can share with others in a way down the road here for you, because I think you have brought such a healthy way of looking at this that I just didn't expect today.

I really didn't. And I encounter so many people who are just all over the map and they're struggling. And here you come in this and yes, you're grieving and you grieve with great depth, but you're just dealing with it in such a remarkable way. Tell me about your, what is a scripture that you hang on to in times like this when it really kind of hits you? What's a scripture that you feel that just anchors you back? Psalm 119. That was, Steve and I did not have a psalm, but we had a psalm, not 119, I'm sorry, 139. Psalm 139.

I was clinically depressed after we got married. And he sat in his recliner and held me like I was one of his children and read Psalm 139 to me. And that that has a lot of a lot of meaning to me.

Can you share some of it with us? Well, God knew us when we were in our mother's womb and he knew what he had planned for us. And so he knew that he was going to lead me through this and he knows what he's going to do for the rest of my life. According to my gene pool, I'm 72 and I have 21 more years to go.

I don't know if God will leave me around that long or longer, but every one of my family seems to live to 93. So I'm trusting him and to see, you know, what's going to happen next. He has a plan. He always has a plan. Now you're in a good church situation, aren't you?

Oh yes. And they look after you. They do. I'm in a grief group once a month and friends that take me to lunch or dinner or come over and and help me organize a room. And yeah, they're very supportive. And so are my neighbors.

If you would. We only got just about a minute or so. But if you would have one thing to say to pastors, church leaders and so forth about grieving widows or widowers here at Christmastime, particularly when it's so fresh like yours is just in September, what would you what would you want to say to them? Visit the widow and talk to her and allow her to talk, because talking and writing stuff down helps me.

I email a lot of family members, all the junk going through my mind. And, you know, when you when you dump all that stuff out of your brain, it helps. It helps me deal with it when I think somebody else can say, oh, poor baby, it gives me encouragement.

Great words on that. And because I think a lot of times we are so quick to offer consolation, but not necessarily offer listening. And you you require both and mostly just the presence of someone who is tuned in to the fact that this is a very deep place of grief. I remember one lady called in the show and her son had passed away and it was a tough, tough time. And she said, somebody at church asked her, when are you going to stop crying about it? And I was I was so indignant at that question because I thought, you know, that's a stupid question.

You don't tell somebody, you know, hey, get over it. When you when you lose somebody like that and when are you going to stop crying? And I thought, gosh, that is an insensitive, stupid question. And, you know, all of creation groans. Well, you know, God didn't define us for this design list for Adam to eat of the tree of life and we live forever. So we're not programmed for for losing people like this.

Well, we're not. And we have to we have to lean on each other and lean on him, more importantly. And I go back to what scripture says. All the creation is groaning because things things are just broken. And you you groaned with your husband as he went through M.S. and then which ultimately probably I guess that's why he fell off the ladder.

Is that right? It could be. But he doesn't know. He can't remember the fall. And I said that's probably from God.

That would be horrible to remember that. Well, I think so, too. And we'll we'll we'll land on that.

How about that? OK. Well, listen, Charlie, we got it. We're going to come up here to the break here in just a second. But you shared your heart with us in a very meaningful way. This is a it's a season of joy. But for so many, there's a lot of difficult things. And you've helped us face those in a in a beautiful way. And I thank you. I really thank you for coming on the show and sharing your heart. And I want you to have a Merry Christmas. Thank you. I'm working on that. We're we're we're we're going to lift you up in prayer about that. And also we're there with you in spirit and heart. OK. Thank you. Thank you for calling.

This is Peter Rosenberg. This is hope for the caregiver. I got a special treat for the next segment with Gracie. And I'm just very moved by that.

And we'll put this out a little later on the podcast. It's just such a great testimony. Hope for the caregiver dot com. You can see more there.

Go check it out and see how you can work towards being a healthy caregiver, healthy caregivers, make better caregivers. We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standing with hope dot com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standing with hope dot com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope.