Caller feels defeated over her daughter with a drug addiction.

Trying to be perfect. All the fears. All the lies I believed in. All I've been chasing. Putting my faith in. Let it fade.

Let it fall into pieces. And just give me Jesus. Welcome back to the show For Caregivers About Caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberg bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. You want to be a part of the show 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. Welcome all of you who are listening across the American Family Radio Network as well as those of you streaming around the world and those of you who will later podcast the show. And we are thrilled to have you a part of this show, this groundbreaking show, the largest radio platform in the world for the family caregiver.

And why shouldn't the church, why shouldn't believers be out in front of this issue? I got to tell you, I've been a caregiver a long time. Well over 30 years. And if I didn't have the gospel spoken with clarity into my situation, I wouldn't make it. The world doesn't, the world can't go there with me.

All they can offer are surfacy things. Some of them have value and I take value where I can find it. But to strengthen the spirit, to keep you in this for the long haul, you know, we can stand on our hands for a couple of months.

We can do okay with a couple of years. But when you start doing this several decades, you've got to have something more substantive and that's the gospel. But we've got to understand it as caregivers. So I've learned to speak into that with the family caregiver, with the clarity of the gospel to the family caregiver. I speak fluent caregiver.

But you know what? It's our Savior's native tongue. You see, He's the ultimate caregiver of a wounded bride and that's us. My bride is wounded because of a car wreck. His bride is wounded because of sin. And that's where we're, that's our starting point to understand that we have a Savior who really truly gets this of what you're going through. From the cross, He took care of His mother.

But from the cross, He took care of His wounded bride. And that is incredibly strengthening and comforting to me. Let's go quickly to the phones. We'll talk about that a little bit more, but I want to get to Tracy in Georgia. Tracy, good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning. Thank you for taking my call. Certainly. How are you feeling? Defeated. Defeated? I have a daughter that has an addiction to drugs.

It's led to several bad choices. She's out of jail right now, but she's still got to go to court for a major charge that would have never happened had she been straight. Her children aren't with her. They're being raised by their Mimi.

But basically why I'm calling, it's just I was listening to you on the way home. I'm a nurse. And I'm the primary caregiver for my family income. And I'm putting her up in a hotel with her ex-husband just so she won't be homeless. She's just exhausted every opportunity.

And she doesn't eat unless I feed her. It's just draining sometimes. Well, I think I can speak for pretty much everybody listening to the show this morning that we hear the defeat in your heart. You didn't get here overnight and you're not going to get through this overnight, but here's a couple of steps that I'd like for you to just consider. You may already have, but let's talk about them together, okay? Yes, sir.

All right. What are you doing for you as a recovery program? You know, there are 12-step recovery programs out there for family members of addicts and alcoholics. Are you looking into any of those for you? No.

Have you considered those? My father passed away from being a bad alcoholic. I remember I used to go to Al-Anon when I was growing up sometimes as a young adult when I was trying to save him from bad choices. It didn't make a difference in the end, but I did.

I remember going. Well, the purpose of these things is not to save them from bad choices. The purpose of this is to save you from bad choices.

And that's why I recommend this highly. You're not going there to save your daughter. You're not going there to save your father.

You found that out. It doesn't work. You can't save them. They have a savior. You're not that savior. Now, I want you to do something for me. I want you to just take a moment, Tracy, and just look down at your hands.

Do you see nail prints? If not, then you know what? You're not her savior. You're her mother, and you love her, and this is painful. But she is afflicted with the disease, that disease of addiction. It is not something that you can fight. It is not something that you can cure. It is not something that you can change.

Only she can, and she has to reach the point where it is no longer feasible for her to live without going into some kind of recovery program and working it. Period. End of discussion.

That's not going to happen. I'm sorry? I can't afford any more rehab. I've exhausted everything. You don't have to afford any more rehab. That is not your choice. You've done everything.

She has exhausted all of her resources that she has access to from you. But that doesn't mean she can't get into some kind of situation. Here's the reality of alcoholics and addicts.

They're either going to sober up, get cleaned up, or they're going to get locked up, or they're going to get covered up. That's the reality. But the issue here at play, Tracy, is you.

Because this is also affecting you. And even if she got cleaned today, it would take you a lifetime to undo the damage of what this disease has done to you. Even if she wasn't using right now, and she walked in and said, Mom, I've been delivered of this, it will take you a lifetime to deal with the consequences of what this disease and your father's alcoholism has done to you. So the starting point this morning, right now, today, is for you to redirect your eyes on what needs to happen to help you avoid poor choices, of throwing money at a situation that you cannot purchase, of throwing your physical body and your heart and your spirit at something that you cannot change. She has a savior. You're not that savior.

You cannot fix this. But you can stop yourself from going off the same cliff. But it's going to involve you doing a little bit of extra work, but smart work, not bad work. And it's not something that's going to overwhelm you. It's something that's going to redirect you to a place of safety. And it's going to be something that you can start breathing yourself with. And it's going to be painful and it's going to be hard, but you're not going to be alone because you're going to participate in a group of people who are doing the same thing.

And you're going to draw strength from each other. Are you in a good church situation? I work weekend nights at the hospital. Before I was on that night program, I was going to church regular and I did feel much more peace. I need to get back in church.

Does your pastor understand your circumstances? I could talk to them. Let's start with the church. All right.

Well, let's start. First call to make. Now, you're coming home from work or are you going to work? I came home from work. All right. So you work third shift? Yes, sir.

I work 12-hour shifts. Okay. All right. Let's do this. First off, just take a nap.

How about that? Just go to bed. Get you something to eat and just go rest because you sound exhausted. You just came off a 12-hour shift. You're exhausted.

You've got the weight of the world on your heart and on your head and you're trying to take care of other patients as well and be the breadwinner in your family. So let's just turn it off and just go to bed. All right. And then when you wake up and you're refreshed, would you do two things for me?

Okay. Would you make a phone call to your pastor? Set up a time just to talk with your pastor, somebody that you feel like you trust. Not somebody fresh out of seminary or just brand new to the pulpit. You need somebody who's a little bit more seasoned, okay? Yes, sir.

I can do that. And if they start hammering on you that you've just got to have more faith, then I want you to call me back and we're going to find you another pastor. Yes, sir. Because you heard the opening song that Jim played down at the headquarters there in Mississippi, Just Give Me Jesus, okay? Jesus, you can't have faith without Christ giving you faith in the first place, you know? And so you just come to him, all you who are weary and brokenhearted, and he will give you rest. All you who are weary and heavy laden, I think is the scripture, but he came to bind up the wound and heal the brokenhearted. Now, which one of us on this call right now between you and me, which one of us sounds weary and heavy laden? Me, yeah.

All right. Well, guess what? The one who does have nail prints in his hands is inviting you to come to him. You do not have to squeeze your eyes real hard and pray real fancy to say, Jesus, help me. All you have to do is just come. Now, we're going to start with this, but you're going to make the call to the pastor.

I know the phone sometimes feels like it's 100 pounds, but you're going to make the call. Okay? Would you do that? Would you promise to do that? I promise. Okay.

And the second thing is I want you to find a local recovery group, some type of 12-step group for family members of alcoholics or addicts that is close to you, and I want you to go. I want you to just sit there. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to do anything.

You just show up and sit in a group of people who are wrestling with the same thing but have a path to deal with that. You cannot change your daughter's behavior. You cannot fight addiction. You cannot do this.

You are not equipped to do this. What you can do is change yours. What you can do is rescue you.

It's called recovery for a reason, and it's your recovery that we're right now focused on. I'm going to say something that's kind of hard, Tracy. It's going to sound a little hard, but don't take it hard. It's just going to sound hard. Okay.

She may not make it, but you have to. Okay? Now that's hard. That's hard, but it's not a bludgeon. I'm not hitting you with this. I'm not trying to hurt you with it.

I'm just trying to help you understand truth in this. She may not make it, but you have to. Honey, you have to. Okay?

We've got to go to a break. I want you to keep listening, and I want you to call anytime you want, Tracy, okay? Thank you so much. Tracy, I'm proud of you. Sir, thank you.

I'm proud of you. Thank you. Okay. All right. We're going to talk a little more about this. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is Hope for the Caregiver.

We'll be right back. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies, and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope.