Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to never put Mom in a nursing home When making that promise most recall healthier times when the thought of entering a facility seemed far on the horizon Reality sneaks up on the best of us and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances The promise's tether can quickly transform into a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition From personal safety to medical expertise caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction and overpowered by guilt Despite the promise's sincerity [... more]

As caregivers we often must make decisions that benefit the whole unit - not Just one person We get into the trap as caregivers where we're thinking of someone almost to the exclusion of everyone else I understand why - because that person has extreme needs But as a caregiver YOU are meeting many of those extreme needs What happens if you don't consider the person meeting the extreme needs You must think of the whole unit SHOW TRANSCRIPT May Contain Typos If you feel that you are operating out of guilt or fear or any of those things what [... more]

One of the greatest thefts to family caregivers comes from our own hearts We often steal from the moment to regret the past or fear the future Although yesterday's events may have arrived with tears and trauma today remains an opportunity to calm our hearts and deal with current circumstances As caregivers we all know our tomorrows most likely show up with challenges but unexpected joys may also arrive Surprising beauty awaits us along the way yet we are sure to miss it when our focus extends behind or in front of us None of this eliminates the grief we [... more]

Waffles and Well-Being From extended hospital stays surrounded by faceless people in masks to longer nights where loneliness and fear serve as companions caregivers remain prone to feeling adrift and disconnected Longing for recognizable landmarks that signal safe harbor caregivers face the challenge of re-anchoring themselves often in a storm But it doesn't have to be complicated During my wife's surgeries in Denver I stepped into a Waffle House near the hospital I love Waffle House I grew up going to Waffle House but we now live in Montana and there's no Waffle House in the whole state In Denver [... more]

From A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday Happy New Year can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world Most of us know that January etc usually brings the same challenges as the previous week and year s Yet although our responsibilities may not change we can While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year's Resolutions I usually give mine up for Lent caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive Living however requires risks Life is perilous despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks [... more]

From A Minute for Caregivers- When Every Day Feels Like Monday An Instrument of Peace Walter Kirchhoff stepped into history on Christmas Eve in when the opera singer German officer sang Silent Night in both English and German on the battlefields of World War I On a beautiful moonlit night frost on the ground Kirchhoff's voice rose from the trenches and touched battle-hardened soldiers from Belgium France Germany and England The moment's poignancy spurred other soldiers to sing while temporarily laying down arms Incredulously the battlefield became festive as soldiers tentatively walked toward one another and extended Christmas greetings Despite [... more]

A demoralizing point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations hopes and dreams We often visualize what could be but things beyond our control are roadblocks Ashamedly I admit to attempting control and trying to force things on more than one occasion only to frustrate myself my wife and many others Letting go of those hopes and expectations however can be painful Over the last few years I've tried a different approach In my mind I envision a rather large container I call The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem Offloading those items losses heartaches and [... more]

From - A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday How many caregivers put themselves through unnecessary stress trying to re-create Christmas traditions While a tree decorations meals and gifts remain important too many allow trappings to eclipse the season's meaning Sometimes the fear that this may be our loved one's last Christmas pushes us to ensure everything is perfect But what have we accomplished if we're exhausted or resentful by December One of the great joys I've experienced living in Montana is the opportunity to slow down When we lived in Nashville it seemed we raced [... more]

I recently did an interview with Seth and Deb Quad Cities radio Moody In this interview I provided the background of how Gracie got to where she is and what sustains us through this [... more]

From A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday The Comfort of Gratitude Resentment can lead even the best of hearts into poor judgment wrath and even self-destruction For caregivers the fight against bitterness remains perpetual Maybe family and friends left us out to dry a bad medical call an employer fired us in a vulnerable moment or a drunk driver who caused incalculable pain there seems no end to the opportunities to hold a grudge Some caregivers even resent themselves while others shake their fists at God Regardless of the resentment's object the one who carries [... more]

From A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots Work the problem and fly the plane The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm console light or other issues Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes particularly when piloting an aircraft Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment [... more]

From A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS- When Every Day Feels Like Monday Playing for Chickens There's an old story of a farmer who struggled to find ways to help his chickens lay more eggs After trying numerous techniques he heard of the beneficial effects of music and tried playing the flute for his chickens to help them lay more eggs Sitting beside the coop he diligently spent hours at a time performing beautiful songs in hopes of providing a better egg-laying environment After doing this for several weeks he noticed the number of eggs never changed Although tempted to be discouraged [... more]

We've done everything possible to save this leg all that's left is amputation when you're ready we'll have that conversation Those words came from Gracie's surgeon following numerous operations to save her right leg that was crushed and disfigured in her car accident Everyone in Gracie's life including me had an opinion about this and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time At twenty-five with a toddler the decision weighed heavily on her young heart Setting an appointment with our pastor Bob she limped into his office on her mangled right foot As she sat quietly in his study he [... more]

From A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday As caregivers we regularly feel intense pressure to fix or achieve Yet despite our best efforts many of the circumstances we face seem unyielding Our self-judgment over things beyond our control often leads to an incorrect verdict of failure Taking a step away from the caregiving realm consider the Slap heard around the world at the Academy Awards When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on stage in front of a global audience Chris Rock responded with extraordinary restraint Maintaining his composure Chris Rock continued with the show and [... more]

A Path Through the Storm When storms loom media outlets often show footage of people placing plywood on homes and businesses and hunkering down Caregiving is its own storm Although sometimes receiving advance notice caregiving can often descend like a tornado and last a lifetime If cameras followed caregivers many daily activities might resemble the frantic bustle of those boarding homes and businesses Imagine trying to build a five-year plan while simultaneously working to survive a hurricane Incredulously many caregivers regularly attempt such a feat While the aftermath of hurricanes usually brings clearer skies that allow rebuilding the lengthy caregiving [... more]

Many express difficulties in knowing how to help a caregiver but most caregivers agree that it's not complicated Sometimes it's just a bowl of soup and a kind word - From - A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday [... more]

Facing Our Giants Before the famous altercation with Goliath when David expressed anger at the blasphemous giant one of his embarrassed older brothers who camped at the battle scene furiously derided him But King Saul heard about David and astonishingly the king allowed the teenager to fight Goliath Saul even put his tunic and armor on him Saul was tall but David wasn't and the king's armor didn't fit Struggling to function in the ill-fitting battle garb David removed it and faced Goliath his way depending upon God's might David recognized he couldn't succeed while wearing something that didn't fit [... more]

Harsh Judgment Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington's disease HD on my program they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn't understand the nature of HD After repeated arrests for shoplifting violent behavior and other issues the judge commented from the bench that she felt this resulted from bad parenting Unable to address the court or defend themselves the couple shared We had to take it on the chin A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease [... more]

If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives it would look like a forest Each day we're faced with numerous choices and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect and we don't know what to do next In those moments we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down For that to happen our decisions require reduction Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of eating the elephant one bite at a [... more]

From A Minute For Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday [... more]

Lt Col Oliver North USMC Ret joined me for a special conversation about his life as a caregiver for his wife Betsy I sent the manuscript of my new book A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - When Every Day Feels Like Monday to Col North's publishing company Fidelis Publishing The manuscript resonated deeply with Col North - who is in his own difficult caregiving journey He not only expressed a great desire to publish this book but also graciously offered to write the foreword - which I included below Foreword by Oliver L North The Mayo Clinic diagnosis wasn't good but [... more]