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Hope for the Caregiver

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
September 29, 2018 3:09 pm

Hope for the Caregiver

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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September 29, 2018 3:09 pm

From 9-29-2018. 

We opened the discussion to talk about feeling obligated and guilty when dealing with someone with an impairment.  When I stated, "'Honor your father and mother...' doesn't mean honoring Alzheimer's or any other impairment," it really struck a nerve.  

Listen to the callers ...and see how we helped them move to a safer place and become healthier caregivers. 

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Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger

And good morning welcome to hope for the caregiver. Larval Americans, family radio, we are glad you're with us. So number is 888-589-8840.

This is a show for the 65 million Americans who are putting themselves between a multiple of one and even worse disaster that you this is your show are you doing with that, by the way how you hold up. You see, caregiving takes a toll on your your heart, your body, your job, your wallet, every relationship your home. Everything about you feels the pinch of this and now there's a show for you. Love American family radio this just for you as a caregiver burden. I've been doing this for now 32 years as a family caregiver. I understand the journey speak fluent caregiver. This is your show and and were glad that you're with us. I've written a couple books on this. I got a new one coming out in November called seven caregiver landmines and how you can avoid them. My first book was called hope for the caregiver and that's why we name the show. Hope for the caregiver. What is hope for the caregiver, hope for the caregiver is the unswerving conviction that we as caregivers can live a calm or healthier, and dare I say it, and even more joyful life even while dealing with very very harsh realities we can do this is not easy. Lotta work but it'll work caregivers what about our life is not work and that is the whole point of this thing is it will list this work smarter. Let's let's incorporate some tools in there that will help us do these things better and make us healthier or the journey was an important well I'll tell you why that's important healthy caregivers make better caregivers just that simple. If your own health is squarely how are you going to help somebody whose health is is impaired either by mental health alcoholism, substance abuse, physical disability, aging special-needs child, whatever, whatever the scenario was how are you would be of help to them. If you're not in good shape emotionally, physically, fiscally spiritually go down the list and that's why we do the show. That's why American family is putting this show out there for you left on Saturday mornings. 888-589-8840 doubt the way you know it's lavish we just had a bunch of Supreme Court hearing stuff going on this week I got a little gnarly seat that's current offense of just let you know the shows left you wake up in your driving or anything really a show that's live on Saturday mornings for caregivers. It can't be love. It must be prerecorded know it must not be we are left in I Peter Roseburg of graduates we all start off with a scripture and I have one specifically today that I want to talk about on it. On the subject were to get into and you all know the Scripture.

This is Exodus 20 verse 12 one of the 10 Commandments farther than I'm getting over a cold and if I start talk about Bill Clinton y'all don't be scared, but sometimes I do that honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which are low, which the Lord your God is giving. We've all heard the Scripture. Honor your mother and father and what happens.

I have found with a lot of caregivers is they are tort guilt when it comes to taking care of a mother or father who has Alzheimer's.

Some type of debilitating disease were they become unmanageable. They become unreasonable where it's a combative situation sometimes abusive situation. Sometimes a very dangerous situation, and yet I see person after person after person who just is tormented with guilt over how they're handling and how they are honoring their mother and their father so I'm going to_lay this out here arguing that composition right now. Are you struggling they may not be your your parents or maybe another family member so forth. But I think the principal still applies about honoring one another in caring for one another. What happens is, is that the disease of the impairment takes over and I had a friend over the house yesterday. We have we have a mutual friend in this. This woman stinker for husband with Alzheimer's and he's becoming incredibly difficult to deal with. He's very abusive to her. He is angry he short tempered. He's gets unhappy about everything else and now her mother has come into the picture. She's elderly and she's not happy about things and out. I wrote a note to this friend of ours center copy my book and I said you're not required to make them happy honoring your husband honoring your mother does not necessarily meaning to does not necessarily mean honoring Alzheimer's okay it's it's is not. That's not the way it works.

It's a disease it's an impairment.

You do not have honored the disease that I think is really important for you listen that because I think that we get we get trapped in this thing we we somehow think that our love will because her suffering something. It's our job to honor their impairment to make them happy in their impairment, but it's not. I have seen all through Scripture. I I've never seen that. I think we honor who they are by caring for what this impairment has done to them. We don't treat them unkindly, but that does not mean that we are responsible for them to be happy when they are impaired particular with the disease like Alzheimer's or other issues that debilitate the entire ability to think I'm not responsible to make someone happy in that situation.

Either you you struggling with that. Are you are you living with this kind of torment in you as you try to struggle with that with a family member. 888589. Write this down. 888-589-8840.

This is your show to talk about that because we can.

And I think we easily forget those things and so we need somebody to help us remember what the gold's. If you have somebody who is an alcoholic in your life. Alcoholism the disease and you become addicted to this, you become an alcoholic person becomes an alcoholic.

It's a disease and in that disease. There are people around the person who loves him but if they are actively participating in that disease. They're not any kind of recovery program interactively drink. Are you required to make them happy in their dysfunction in their disease in their addiction. If you get somebody who's mentally ill in your life are you required to make them happy.

I don't think so required to treat them with honor with care with concern, we are required to make them happy and I think this is what happens with us as caregivers. We get so disoriented in this what I call the fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt, and that fear, that's what we did about this at obligation will this my mother or this about a brother. This is about my father. I got it by husband or my wife and I gotta take care of them. I got to do this I gotta do this again to the site. That's how you know you and obligation. When you use words like a got. I have to I need to I should.

I must out to that's at obligation, and then the guilt that we get into this thing that just tears us apart, guilt over sin, to limit guilt over. I feel guilty if I just want them to be quiet for a minute so I can sit on have a nice meal if you follow me, that you track it with me on that man. That's what we'll talk about today.

This will spend a lot of time with because this is where a lot of caregivers are really strict. If you're one of those.

Here's the 888-589-8840 888-589-8840.

This is Peter Roseburg.

This is hope for the caregiver is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver American family radio. We are so glad you're with us will be right in 26 years ago I walked for the first time in two prosthetic legs.

I saw firsthand how important quality prosthetic limbs are 20 PT this understanding compelled me to establish standing without more than a dozen years we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help and inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength these visit standing to learn more and participate in lifting others out that standing

I'm Gracie and I'm standing with help.

I back to hope for the caregiver. This is relations the show family caregiver.

I hope you stay strong and healthy take care of someone who is not, and we are glad you're with this. The phone lines are open, and evidently I could've nerve with this topic because the phone started getting very full and if you want to be on the show.

Here's what you do 888-589-8840 589-8840 888-589-8840 and will talk about relationships of people who are trapped in this this very difficult place of thinking. I've got a make somebody happy who has an impairment whether it's Alzheimer's weathered substance abuse, whether it's drugs withers prescription drugs under a doctor's care or whether there taken illicitly. Whether they have autism.

That doesn't matter if you are in that bondage of thinking. You gotta make somebody else happy know that so make someone happy. No, that's not good theology have cut here to help make someone else happy. What I am do is to live a calm or healthier and even more joyful life while I deal with sometimes very difficult realities. And that's our that's our places caregivers at a safe place for us as caregivers will realize I'm not responsible for that I am responsible treat them with respect. I responsible to honor my mother and father. Scripture tells me that's her Scripture for today but I'm not responsible on honor Alzheimer's. I'm not responsible to owner Lou Gehrig's disease. I'm not responsible to owner autism. Okay, it's really important that we understand the difference when a disease because you don't have to answer the phone right.

You're not responsible that the scope to the phones as go to Kim in Michigan. Kim good morning welcome to show how you feel wonderful Mr. Oldenburg.

I really appreciate your program.

It's wonderful. I wish there more like this. I mean if you speak with ministers and pastors, and nobody had an answer. Nobody on my mother that we don't have an answer on the show but we do have a pass. Okay, that's the difference we out. I can't give you answers anymore. You give answers to me with my situation with, but I can what I can do is help get a well lit path to safety where we could always caregivers catch her breath taken me if we need, and then start developing better ways to deal with. This will tell us what's going on in your life okay.

My mother is 92 and are back as I can remember. She's from England, Scotland, and not affect medication taker like it only suspect that there is a little bit of an imbalance with her since they wanted one. Number five, six years old on however she has progressed, I felt like a brand-new heart share quadruple bypass that you got a lot of energy. However, I was happening as I have to go over to her house every morning before work. Give her pills almost dropped the matter mouth Earl shall take out which is the hypothyroid and it it's very difficult when we went got her check her B12 levels are very very low which is dangerous for the elderly and she said I don't caregiver talk to me again I'm not taking that B12 shot and she has become increasingly aggressive nasty toward me, five, and I concerned got an adult protective services in box. I'm worried and worried about her and she is fine with that.

She is normal she is clear she's kind and sweet, but you save that all up to think that all up for me and I was talking to. I got Like even though everything I listen to is on the American family radio station, but he just didn't know what to say. I mean, you tried on your parents try to do the right thing and it's just continued nastiness take the pills which don't take the pill what you reap with not taking a high for hyper thyroid is it. It's you only believe that it there completely unbalanced. The digestive system doesn't work and it's just it's cyclical goes on and on and on and nastiness.

I don't really I think make it progressed a little bit with old age. But it's been there since I was very young I finally will probably probably won't get better. Kim I mean you know it it it it 90 something years old, she's probably not change from that too much probably get a little bit worse. In fact, however, you got somebody that's helping you with this services you she's nice to them, will she take the B12 with them. No joke.) If you like on finding financial talk them into leaving, she is very true. She is intelligent. Pocketbook clarity on the word enforcement on the word you're looking for public manipulative out narcissistic. I don't know. I don't know what you do I pray about it. The last episode very nasty but intelligent enough to voice you can really pull it over and then you try to discuss the with care worker outside of the family and they looking like a crazy, could hear the faint little old lady.

I'll tell you it.

It's exhausting and it makes you just I quit drinking nine years ago. I have I had an alcohol problem to become family and I think I'm okay to put it is. You can either carry around. You can fix the thought, but I went to AA, quit drinking, but she makes you just want to goggle a gallon outside.

I mean it. You try everything. Everything. Well first off, congratulations on your recovery okay Atlas AA. Here's here's the deal with with your mother. You can't be responsible for what somebody else puts in their own body or doesn't put in their own body coming at some point she's she's a grown woman 90 some years older she may be impaired. She may not be she may just be mangy maybe manipulative. All those things. But at some point she's going to be responsible unless he is mentally incompetent for her own well-being. You're not, you are not dishonoring her. If you take your hands off of this for little bit. Now you can do what I call a cut out and you have somebody else that gets involved with this and that may be her primary care doctor now does her primary care doctor know about all these things that it it just Iraqi said that actually I they called gravity is that your mother's meds are ready to be picked up in a sublime I'm I really can't take care of her anymore.

Got a lot of energy.

She walks she talks get around so they went back to her doctor for primary care and I have a feeling you'll find somebody else in the family. Now my other sister we don't. We've never been close, but she looked on the other side of the. The United States and she was over there for couple years and just she was just dropped back fill the other sister can't care for her.

You and me. She drives everybody not it's very difficult for me to drive everybody nuts will. What is nice if you go down. What's the plan there's no plan, no real family communicates.

I know I try to get that you get the legal thing involved got the attorneys involved get everybody on a conference call what we get to do it all the legal work did all her beneficiary work and then the other sister came in took everything over. Put everything in her name Drucker back off in Michigan. No one called or told me I am distraught and find it very it's it's in the fine line with me is you know you want to do the God thing you want will don't want to disappoint her.

Dear Lord and its loose lips eliciting her view of God little bit that you're not somehow able to struggle with this. Anything else in God's at the with the grading pad try to say okay Kim you really you really messed this one up. You know were going to have to slap you around little bit that's not the way God works okay. He understands the pain of this he took care of his own mother from the cross okay was listless but all this in perspective, and first off, it's Peter. You'll have to call me Mr. anything and is just is just leader. What we don't stand up for more formalities here at 7 o'clock on Saturday morning here in Nashville so we don't we don't stand a finality sweat. We I think that the the first thing you do is is continue working your recovery program. Okay, because the stress of this is going to affect your own journey. If you struggle with alcoholism.

This is not exactly what you call a helper for that and so you keep working your program.

You stay in touch with your sponsor. You do that for you. First, that that is that is paramount for you to be in a good place on your recovery program.

The second thing is you can talk with her primary care doctor and let them know. Look, I gotta take a step back.

My mother is is unwilling and abusive and very difficult for me to deal with. There's too many family dynamics so you guys work it all out how to and if you and if you think that if if if if you tell this to the doctor say look, if you think that she's a danger to herself or others. Your doctor okay I will do what I can, but I met him at a stand standoff with her from having to fight her to take care of her and I don't think that's a good place in the something and until the doctor said look if something happens to me there is no good plan. So it in and the doctor may be able to refer you to some type of social worker who can help arbitrate this and move you guys down a different path and I would I would probably recommend that but I think you could need those cutouts of of buffers between you and your mom so that you can on the you can help her, but you may have to help her from a little bit further distance than you been doing, there's no need to walk in to that link stick your hand in that blender and every time you do by your own definition this morning makes you want to start drinking and that's a bad place for you. So if you turn if you turned back to drinking this thing is going to turn into a Greek tragedy and so what we want to do is help you get to a place of safety where you realize okay I'm gonna work my program. I'm to be going to AA and then be working on this acute listen to the station. Keep a list of this show and keep your self in that very narrow path of safety and then have that honest conversation with her physician and with her care providers and say look this is what's going on.

If you don't like it. Help me because she's she's going to hurt herself this way and I can't force her to take these things and you can independent mentor into hospital because our bodies were shut down. I can guarantee you if if that doctors dealing with a 92-year-old patient. It's not the first 92-year-old patient that Dr. still with and and that's that's where we started. That's not an answer. Kim were not given answers on the show. What were doing is trying to develop strategies to deal with something that is way beyond our skill set.

You do not have specialties in geriatric medicine.

I'm I'm assuming no and so I would its way beyond our skill set. But if you if it takes you down into path where your addiction starts cranking back up. That's a bad place for you and I can contain them. Speaking for pretty much everybody listing across the country right now saying we want you to be safe. That's important to us. Kim okay direction. All right, listen, God bless you, thank you for calling Kim. We are so grateful for you and if you want me on the show others listening right now. 888.

This is a very easy number to call.

By the way.

888-589-8840 American family radio, this is hope for the caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger will be like that they dispute. Rosenberger never helped somebody walk the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is that I'm not happy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that were doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing would you take a moment to go out to standing and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You can be a part of caregiver on American family. Decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone is not and were so grateful that you're with this 88 589-8840 is the number of the show I listen. By the way, if you can't get through. We do have the phone lines lit him up to get to all the calls as best as I can, but also I have the caregiver caregiver how hard is that was a free podcast, we put the show out there and then my book hope for the caregiver is available wherever books are sold. Amazon and Barnes & Noble everywhere but your soul hope for the caregiver and and that's a book for you and it's so easy to read.

I made it easy. It's so easy read.

You can read the bathroom.

I know because that's where I wrote it. Just kidding.

No action will okay Move on.

So I want to say let's go to the gym_go with the top of the list here because I don't know the order everybody came in but I want to go with Florence and Louisiana. Florence are you with us and good morning good morning Florence how you feeling feel good. I will tell me what you got on your heart mud your heart failure or allow her very well written and I'm here so caregiver to the point drinking will get up to go to bed thanks be to God. He hates grace, better but like you don't want me to have anything to do. I have my soul. I told Ken and everything is on and he wants me to do anything with Florence. Guess what, guess what Florence today is your day is that's going to stop today. He doesn't doesn't get a vote on controlling your life right now and grab it but I didn't know how I wore yesterday and my granddaughter somewhere and guess what Florence he can get he can get happy.

The same shoes got angry and and you tell him you to step back away from that. Because what's the plan for him. If you go down the other knee he is he mentally impaired hair is he mentally impaired on. Can he understand if you said if you set a sentence to him. Can he understand it.

Okay then say this sentence to I'm going to go take care of me for a bit. If you get upset with it you can deal with it with God. But I gotta be healthy because if I'm not healthy.

You are certainly not to be taken care of with the right did Niemi do, I'll be glad to wait when you write that down because he's going to get mad because he likes having somebody do everything for work, but you're not. You're not responsible for all that your spouse would take care of him and be good good steward of what you're doing and do it as unto the Lord, but you are not his. Not even he doesn't get to tell you what to do as far as being with your granddaughter like stuff you take care of them to the best you can and if he's mad he's mad, but these are you taking are you keeping them clean. Are you are you leading them but I don't just go to the list are you feeding are you making sure that his bed is clean. Are you paying the bills then tell him to Sheila and if you like it, walk away.

Just take a break. Just go outside and go for walk. See you granddaughter.

Whatever you got to do to settle your heart down. He does not if you if you're doing what you can. You can read Scripture to do all those things if he still wants to be angry that his decision not yours. You don't have to put up with that and if he gets abusive with it. You take a step back and you bring somebody else in to help you with that a pastor you gotta trust you got you got a pastor that you go to you call your pastor and say look at and tell them what you told me this morning telling what the pill the past what I told that the pastor will help you get a different church because and then and then also see, here's the deal.

Florence, you are very fragile at this point and you are one flew sprained ankle. You know your own heart is going is going to break on this thing to and then all you are one step away from this thing turning into a very very bad place, because if you go down.

He don't have a chance you track and well of course you do. Of course you do. And so when's the last time you saw your doctor overdue. All right, here's whatever. Go start today. This where we can start forth not only you can get here overnight. Cannot get out of this overnight, but here's where were to start today. I want you to promise me, and everybody listen on the show that Monday morning you could make appointment with your physician to get a physical get a checkup. When's the last time you had a physical about a year but I was right. Well, it's about that time then get one every year that I go every every six months minimum. My doctors laid eyeballs on me now you go to promise me that you got a call your own doctor and see to your own health. Starting Monday morning.

Can you say that when out, how about not only out. I was taken to hospital account and I have not really scared, but I'm going on. I was in the morning and then we got a call and we can talk to your pastor and if you pastor can help you will deal with that you call back next week will have a different plan for that. However, when your senior Dr. Tillich. Tell your doctor the stress that you're under and that you need some professional help may be an aging specialist. That's a social worker or accounts are a licensed mental health counselor, support groups, something that can help you because you are really struggling and if your doctor is just looks at you like he or she is clueless and we need to get another doctor for you.

I got doctors who don't understand the stress on caregivers are not the kind of doctors and caregivers need to be seen okay that look this is not going to fix the problem. That's not what were here. What were trying to do is come to detach you from it so that you can be a little bit healthier and calmer in this thing okay you know your you're not required to be miserable as a caregiver.

I promise you you're not in him a promise you something else. Florence God sees what you do does hunt he really does and he's not. He's not up there.

He's not up there just looking at you with the critical you are you are a delight to to your Savior and you're doing the best that you can with an impossible situation.

What were going to do is working to pull together as a group. Caregivers listen cross this American family right across his whole network we can just join with you will go try to help you get to a place of safety. We will pray with you and encourage you to point you towards safety okay now. Now there's more information.

I have all kinds of stuff that you can listen to and watch and read on my website it standing with books out there.

The podcast is out there. It's free. I get blog post up there. Got music out there all the things that you need to help you on that journey standing but you gotta call your doctor on Monday and work and rejoice with you, and I watched a call back and let us know how it went okay I will I will write Florence. I appreciate you: I want to jump I will jump to another calls out all right, all right. You have is that it is dated done in Virginia Donna good morning how you feeling, Donna, good morning good morning-I Donna, all for my limited abilities.

MRI last time I talked to you. Well, as we have nothing much is change for me. Well anyway where I'm back where would we do the best we get what we got there neighbors. All right, tell me what's on your heart and mind.

We got a whole bunch of calls I will try to get through here what you got going on called before the last time he was concerned about her grandmother, I believe, not wanting to take drive her mother.

Her mother okay on gender with that generation typically like mine are custom to not go many drug there and fair.

Multiple hip a.m. and Catholic eBay and they give you all the side effects which are many. They RRR tar alternative drug for almost every defeat. I fair lasted congenital and audio born with that. Well, I don't think her problem is not one to take drugs are probably just want to be belligerent, but I do appreciate you and you make us aware that there are alternatives out there but but her part.

What what I'm focused on male is letting this lady get a cut out because the relationship dynamic is so bad that it's causing some different problems. The drugs were really not the issue with her the drug that that that that the issue was the relationship dynamics and that means she's got a step back away from that. But none of those are those are important things to remember that there are alternatives and I thank you so much for bringing that to our attention. I got a bunch of calls I gotta get through and want to keep going go to Rosslyn in Florida. Rosslyn get on how you feel and you know I did an inventory. I think most of me is okay now what you got on your mind and heart.

What hat what's going on, and no NETWORK 40 years ago. I'm not a little garnet and caretaker go, but he get down anyway. I didn't do one year. Very I know a month income on and see how crazy she and listen listen Rosslyn. We got we got to go to a quick break here. Can you hang on just a second example to get back to that okay can you hang on to the break.

Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen D I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident, leading to 80 surgeries in both legs and became it. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my help and strength these visits standing with to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing I'm Gracie. I am staining with help, saying the show was about.

It was hosted by glad want to find out more about what we do go to standing with you can find out how to get my book, hopefully caregiver seven caregiver landmines and how you can avoid them.

RCD songs for the caregiving download that on iTunes and Amazon right now and listen to what I guarantee is its it will reduce well.

I attested myself on 285 in rush hour in Atlanta traffic one day I was coming back to their and I put on my CD and it is guaranteed to reduce road rage. I promise you tested it on myself so it will, it will help calm you down. Hopefully caregiver the audiobook. You can download it and take a 30 year caregiver with you when you going back and forth the doctor's office, hospitals, whatever you gotta do. I put it all out there. Would you take advantage of it. Okay standing with.calm, steady with and go back to Rosslyn in Florida, Rosslyn, sorry, sorry to make you wait so long. You still with us.

All right, so you and your aunt's doing better because because you guys got a little bit of space between the or least to relationship is doing better with your aunt. Is that what I understand where I'm going to see that's the key is that you're doing better with her until remember well that's probably not change with that change with age so George Burns you member George Burns, the comedian used to say he's to say, happiness is a warm and loving family separated by two states itself.

Sometimes you just got have a little space sometimes you got have a little space in the if you realize that she's going to be toxic. The closer you get to her in certain areas then just that. Just do that space give her some space on that and that way you're not getting sucked into the to her dysfunction okay right. The point of my book 7 caregiver landmines is that there these landmines out there that we run into and we don't have to keep hit and and and what's gonna happen is that if if we don't start getting smart in the way we walk then through through this path. They were to keep getting ourselves hurt and restless.

Just don't list just don't do that, you know how there are year after year later part of the New York got there yet so on other family members been Are not financially right now is $1700 and you sister your sister is where New York and your sister has a good job there. Right right so ground yet, but she owns this house with your aunt you will do you own this house with your bill. You know, so I living you live in our okay so why don't you want to continue what what's keeping you from continuing that path of staying away from your aunt and your sisters business not within my why don't we just go ahead and let them work it all out since they're all grown adults mean there's there's there's no need for you to stick your nose and all that kind of stuff you would.

There's an old joke that will Roger says I went to a doctor to said no-hitter Youngman said this, he said, Dr. broke my leg into places he said was not one of those places you I think this is the thing we we keep sticking our hands in the blender and then we get upset when something happens, take just walk away and let your sister working out a new system it if you sister calls you. So what you think about this when you think about is what I would think about it all that.

Not my circus not my monkeys and in the best the best thing for you to do for you is for you to keep away from all this toxic stuff that just takes you into a bad place when you get busted because that and everything else, just don't go down that street. If you if you know you could if you know you will get hurt if you go to the street. Stay away from the street. I listen Rosslyn. Thank you so much for calling.

Let's go to Charlene in Louisiana Shirley good morning welcome to show how you feel. Pat, how are you Peter hello I'm Peter, not Pat & Peter here. I've been called worse but I'm doing okay. Shirley, we can get one of the one of the seven caregiver landmines in my new book is the loss of identity, and so at least I want to make sure everybody knows my name did I know Charlie, we got we got just a few minutes to me what's going on with well I wanted to start part of my story. Back about seven years ago I was thinking main caregiver for my father and my heart and I took care of him. Within a year of his death in 18 hand on it. Develop identity and he was on medication and vendor themes that he had caused him mental incapacity on because of certain things that would happen and it is an application even though he when he was part of that same on islands in the position that he needed a dead eyelid fair for him. David he knocked me out of taking care of him. But when he was in the part where he has not.

I'm watching there. He was like that he was belligerent to me now because me out and my husband and I both ministers and we knew is our obligation to take care of my father and but let's take in the interest of time, let's deal with that obligation is one thing.

Stewardship is a different thing. This is what I'm trying to help caregivers understand let's replace that word obligation was stewardship. You have a responsibility that he has good steward that you're not obligated, obligated, believed to lead to resentment and you are's God owns this not you want me I would start in time start when he wanted to turn the frame of mind that I could talk to him. I would say to him you need to do their and if you don't and I'm gonna go back because I lived across the street from them and I said I'll go back home until you want to behave yourself and do what you know and I'll pick it telling you you need to do while all in all I'm saying all this because when you are caregiver and think a lot of prayer EE need to pray about everything and everything times I would just come home and I would cry and I would try to God about it and then it would refresh me to go back in order to minister to my father and we did not get hospice for him until two weeks before he passed away and he went into a coma and I have a I had a sister and a brought about by day did not help each other and but that was okay but when my father gave me. It's not really that I had done everything in my power to help him and comforted me in the time of his passing away will. I'm glad to hear that Charlene and it's not okay that siblings don't help that we need to deal with that. However, we need to deal with it and let will have to walk through some forgiveness on some of that. My goal is for fellow caregivers to not to live their life filled with resentment towards themselves.

Their love ones, their family members for not help in the way that they probably ought to have, or even that God and themselves like you're on it on a good path towards that.

I'd like to see more people replace that word obligation was stewardship.

Stewardship is a much better word for us as caregivers and helps us understand who really owns this problem which is God. God owns it.

I don't have the power to make my wife's legs grow back.

I don't have the power to fix with that car it did to her 35 years ago, but I do have the power to treat her with respect and kindness, and to take care of the one person stated between her and even worse disaster, which is me to take care of myself and emotionally, physically, fiscally professionally. All of the above. So Charlene thank you for sharing your story with this. I do appreciate that very much.

I will try to squeeze in one called Ali about a minute or two for Lynn Lynn. I'm not sure what state you're in. But welcome to show good morning how you feeling when you wear this will allow slayer go there you are. I hear hi, we only got about a minute or so so big jump to it real quick what you got what how you feel about what's going on with everybody and I felt thankful for you not been caregiver for years. I appreciate everything that you appreciate you and I'm an older man for a long time to my neighbor and telegraphed nighttime went and when indicated that the attic caregiver mean felt might help make nobody no family will help in and out when I learned I try to hold him back. He wanted to go ahead lock without a locker locket advocate stepping in at that he can find. I don't want to follow. I think American Blanco go so much better and I was terrified. He found that the doctor can't just let him go and you will be okay ensuring actually got better and that made him all the stronger it got better I will thank you for sharing that with that is letting go is a big deal with it. The other chapter my book that's called are going to fall and they're going to fall hope for the caregiver. This is the book get it today, but the that they are going to fall. You can't live your life in prison around someone who doesn't want to follow good instruction to do the best you can with but that's the whole point of us as caregivers were doing the best we can. The results are up to God. This is hope for the caregiver American family radio. Thank you for joining us go to standing for more information we'll see you next week

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