Tearful Caller Knows What Lies Ahead

Lisa in South Carolina. Lisa, good morning. How are you feeling?

Good morning. How are you? I'm doing okay this morning. I'm doing fine. Are you really okay, Lisa?

No, I'm really tired. My husband, first of all, is not a Christian, which is very difficult. He has rheumatoid arthritis. He's disabled. I'm in South Carolina for my job and I'm just in the beginning stages of being a caregiver and it's so hard because I know what's coming down the road. Alright, let's back up.

Let's back up, Lisa. We all know what's coming down the road to a certain point or at least we fear it, but what happens is we as caregivers tend to live in the wreckage of our future and we're so busy knowing what's coming down the road that we're missing what's right here in front of us. And we're not promised anything after right now. So the way it's going to work a lot of times to help you back away from that cliff a little bit is to understand, okay, here's where we are right here, right now. And if you live out the wreckage, way out there in the future, that fear that fear is one of the seven caregiver landmines I wrote about in one of my books, seven caregiver landmines.

And we tend to just get ourselves so torqued up with fear that we can't function today. Right. You did not do this to your husband. You cannot undo this and you are not responsible for his salvation.

I have zero track record of being able to convert anybody to Christianity. God on the other hand has a lengthy track record of doing it. You could pray for him, you care for him, you love him, and you'd be the best steward of this that you can be. But results are in God's department. Right.

And let your life reflect the gospel. And you just care for him. And you're going to have some tough times with it, Lisa. You're going to weep.

Not that you weep tears of rage and despair, but that you're able to weep healthy tears. Right. And it can be done. I tell you what, hang on through the break. Would you do that for me? I will, yes. All right.

Hold on for the break because I think you need to, we just need to talk a little bit longer here. How about that? Would that be all right?

Yeah, that'd be great. All right. Well, hang on. I'm going to put you on hold and we're going to go to the break. This is Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. We're interested in you. As a caregiver. In what you're going through.

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They go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger.

This is hope for the caregiver. We're going back to Lisa in South Carolina. Lisa, let me ask you something. I'm just going to go through a checklist for you. Okay. Okay. When's the last time you saw your doctor? Six months ago. Good. How'd you come out?

Good report? My blood pressure's up. My cholesterol's up.

But overall for what I'm going through, she said it was pretty good. Are you taking anything for that? Yes. I'm on my medicine. I take it every day. All right. Are you changing your diet around a little bit?

I've started walking every day and got rid of refined sugars and sodas and things like that and I've lost 20 pounds. There you go. Hey. There you go. All right.

Now just stop for a moment and think about what you've done. 20 pounds. How does that affect your knees? Oh, much better. I still have problems. I'm walking better. But you have 20 pounds of less problems. You know, you can't fight rheumatoid arthritis. But you can fight cholesterol. You can fight high blood pressure.

You can fight weight gain. So we're going to fight what's closest. All right. Now when's the last time you were in church? Last Sunday. Do you have a good church? Well, I'm still looking for a home church since I moved to South Carolina. I've been visiting a couple.

Not found one yet, but I'm going on Sundays. Where are you in South Carolina? I'm from there originally. Charleston. Charleston. Oh, that's a beautiful town. Beautiful town.

Oh, it's awesome. Well, find you a good church down there. And what are you looking for out of a church? Someplace that I can plug in and find people like me who are caregivers just for some support because all my family is here in Mississippi. So I don't really have – I mean, my job's up there and I have my coworkers, but my support system is down here.

So it's real difficult making that move. All right. I'm going to ask you for a favor. When you find that church, would you call me back and tell me about it? I will. I sure will. And then we'll tell folks in that area, hey, you know what, Lisa found a church that is really speaking to her as a caregiver. So if you're in church, this is where you need to go. I sure will.

I can definitely do that. All right. So you called a show today. So you got out of – you pushed against the isolation by calling into a show and you're just talking with another caregiver.

That's all we're doing, just having a conversation. You've been to your doctor. You're actively seeking for a new church home. You're losing weight.

You're taking steps to physically help yourself, spiritually help yourself, emotionally help yourself. This is how you're going to do it, Lisa. Right.

This is how you're going to do it. And I know. I know. Now, you're going to grieve over things. It's going to happen.

Okay? But you're not going to grieve alone. That's the key. You're not going to grieve in despair and in rage. That's the goal.

That's the target destination for you is so that we can cry healthy tears because as soon as we learn to cry healthy tears, you'll find that down the road, joy and laughter can follow those healthy tears. Right. They really can.

But it starts with you doing what you have in your hand, in your arm's reach to be able to do today, right now. Right. You cannot fight rheumatoid arthritis. You cannot fight somebody who is not saved like your husband.

Right. You can't fight that. Let God fight those battles. But you can fight.

You can fight the things that you're doing. And I'm real. And I'm real proud of you for what you're doing. Thank you. Well, you're quite welcome. And this show is for you. And every Saturday morning. Yeah, I listen every week. Well, I'm so glad.

Thank you. Because you're why I do the show. And on top of that, I'm originally from South Carolina, so I can speak the language.

I know, right? I even like boiled peanuts. You know, I don't go that far, but that's OK. My mom made for Christmas dinner one year. A couple of years ago, we all went down there and she made shrimp and grits for Christmas dinner.

That I have done, yes. We, I get it. I'm Carolina born, Carolina bred.

When I die, I'll be Carolina did. You know? Exactly. Look here.

Look here. You called up crying and now you're laughing. You're right.

Within a matter of minutes, just by talking with a fellow caregiver who's weathered a few storms. Yeah. This is how we're going to do it together, Lisa. This is how we're all going to do it. And this is the gospel.

This is the body of Christ. This is what we do is we bear one another's burdens and we speak with clarity and and great specificity into the lives of our fellow caregivers. I'm proud of you. You're doing you're doing it. Don't don't worry about what's coming down the road. You know what? That that's in God's hands.

Right. You know, it is my father's a minister and he said he's got it. And by the way, when I point people to the church and to pastors, when I tell this, I grew up with a pastor who knows how to do this. My father set the bar for this and I still talk with him pretty regularly about all these things. And he set the bar for this. And he's a caregiver, by the way. He set the bar for this. But dad's got this funny statement. He says, you know, God's got this problem. He thinks he's good.

And, you know, and I think that's the thing we have to realize, you know, he is sovereign in this thing. And I want you to do one last thing for me, Lisa. I got to take another quick call here. Look down at your hands. Yeah.

Do you do you see nail prints? No. Well, then this ain't yours to fix. You're right. I needed to remember that. And every time, every time you want to start living way out in the future of, well, I know what's coming and all this, and you look at your husband and he's not saved, all these things you want to look at.

You look down at your hands and you remember that he's the only one with the nail prints. Yeah. And one of the things I've learned, my wife's scars are temporary. There will be a day in heaven where she will have a brand new body that is scar free and injury free. Her scars are not permanent. Right.

But his are. And that means something. Those scars are permanent. And that means something because that means you belong to him.

He paid for you permanently with those scars. You hang on to that in those moments of great despair when you're having those late night conversations with the ceiling fan, you know, hang on to that. Oh, yes. Okay. I will. All right. Thank you so much. And you call back as many times as you want, Lisa. All right. Thank you so much. All right, Lisa. Thank you so much for calling.