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800-688-9522. John, you know the aging and mortality rate in this country is still at 100%. That's what I hear, yeah.
And those are hard numbers. I did a study. You did?
I did. Okay. And you know, one of the things that we have as caregivers is we have to deal with certain unpleasant realities. And because they're unpleasant, we push them off. And we don't want to talk about it. It makes us squeamish, it makes us, it just overwhelms us sometimes. And I thought, we're going to change that.
We're going to change that on this show. And I enlisted the help of some folks at the National Funeral Directors Association to come in and talk about death and end of life. And what do we do?
How do we handle this? So many people are caring for somebody in their own home. What do you do?
All those things. So Randy, Randy Anderson is from Alexandria, Alabama. Is that right, Randy? Alexander City, Alabama. Alexander City, Alabama. And I've actually been there.
Oh, really? Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. I want your city to remain intact. It's a nice place. It is a nice place. I was just driving through Andalusia yesterday. Oh, that's a good place to do that.
Oh, it is. You are with the National Funeral Home Directors Association and you run a funeral home down there? Yes, sir, in Alexander City, Alabama.
How long have you been doing this? I've been in funeral service almost 30 years now. Was it a family business? It was not. I'm a first generation. First generation?
Yes, sir. I was an educator before. I became a funeral service professional. What drew you to it? Well, I think the biggest draw was the ability to be able to help people in a very difficult time of their life. And if I could encourage them and help them along that way, that was something that was very important to me. So that was my calling. I love that. And it is a call.
I believe it is a call. My dad's a minister. And as a pianist, I was free labor for a lot of funerals because he needed somebody at the funeral. And so I got conscripted.
But I've carried on that tradition. I can't count how many funerals I've played. And I never play weddings. I don't know if you knew that or not, John. I did.
You mentioned that to me. I don't like to play weddings. There's too much drama. And people say, well, wait a minute, funeral? No, no, no. Funeral's a different time because it's a time to really care for families in a much different way.
And so, Randy, that means a lot to me to hear you say that because I do think it's a tremendous calling, a ministry, and it's an opportunity to be with folks. This is a subject that we as caregivers don't want to talk about. But I will say this. A couple of years ago, Randy, when my wife was in really bad shape, and a lot of people didn't know this, but we almost lost her multiple times. And I was certain that this was it. And she had a lot of infections.
And it was just, it was a bad situation. And it dawned on me that, and I would check on her like, you know, regularly throughout the day, just to make sure she's still breathing. And I thought, okay, if she passes away right here in the house, who do I call?
What do I do? And I thought, let's just start with that question because there are a lot of people that are dealing with that. They don't know who to call. So what's the first thing you do? If you're taking care of somebody and your loved one passes away, and maybe you've been thinking it's going to be happening, or maybe it just happens unexpectedly, who do you call? Well, the first thing you do, if that low one's under hospice care, you're going to contact the hospice nurse that's on call.
And they come and they take care of all the rest once they're on the scene. If there's not hospice, then certainly I think you'd need to call 911 to get an ambulance there. And then they would go from there and notify the local authorities. And then the local authorities would notify the funeral home of your choice. So you don't have to call the funeral home first?
Not necessarily. If you anticipate that death is coming, I think it's a good idea to just sit down with the funeral director at some point and then maybe discuss some options and then let them tell you the particular way that they handle things in a home death. All right, so I'm just going to keep little notes on this because a lot of people don't know what to do.
We're going to put this out on the podcast as well at HopeForTheCaregiver.com. So if you're under hospice care, then you call the hospice folks that are working with you. If you're not and this just unexpectedly happens or it just happens and you weren't under hospice care, then you just call 911 and they'll send an ambulance out. And then they will call the police after that and just let the police know this is what's going on. The police don't have to come to the home, do they? Not necessarily in all jurisdictions.
Some may come to notify the coroner or medical examiner and then the medical examiner will make the call to the appropriate funeral home. Okay. All right. And then, so what are the things, you've been doing this 30 years.
Why do you, other than the thing, it's death and it's uncomfortable. What are some things that you can do or you could say today that would help inspire people? Let's go ahead and have this conversation now before we get into those crisis moments and start doing a little bit of pre-planning. That's the absolute best thing you can do. Talk to your loved ones, whether they're sick or whatever, and find out something about them because a funeral service is set to tell the life story, basically.
And we have some wonderful, helpful things that you can do. A program called Have the Talk of a Lifetime that we sponsor through the Penile and Memorial Information Council as well as the National Penile Directors Association. A deck of cards that has questions about life. You can sit down with your loved one and answer those questions.
It's kind of like a card game. You're back and forth and it gives you a lot of information about that person and helps you plan in the future of their memorialization at the time of their death. Well, and I've seen so many, and I know you have too, where the family just really wasn't prepared for this and the service was sad, but not just because there was a death. It was sad because they didn't really take this opportunity to celebrate that life. Absolutely. You need to celebrate. And if you wait until the last minute or if you're trying to throw something together, chances are you'll have regrets over it and you don't want to do that. I've been to funerals where there was so much passion and life and everybody walked out of there, yeah, with tears, but not tears of despair, not tears of rage or resentment or frustration, but tears of, wow, this was beautiful. And that doesn't come without a little bit of planning, does it?
That's exactly right. You have to sit down and have some ideas. Sometimes people get in a rush to get this over with. They're tired.
They've been through a lot of things. But my advice to families is wait. Don't be in a hurry. Take time to think about this. You may plan a wedding. We talked about playing at weddings. You may take months to plan a wedding. And that's a very important part of life. But it's also important that we plan for funerals and we don't get in a rush.
We don't have months often to plan for funerals, but we need to take our time and plan that celebration of life so that that person is fittingly remembered and their legacy lives on in the memories of those that are here. I play at my church a lot. I got a lady that comes up to me and she says, she really wants me to play at her funeral. I said, well, do you have a date in mind? Because my calendar's getting kind of full.
But you know, pick out the songs that you want. And I only got one beef with funeral homes. One beef. You ready for this, Randy?
I'm ready. They just don't have good keyboards. Of course, of course. They just, I get these cheap electric keyboards and, or, or some kind of Wurlitzer, you know, and it just breaks my heart because put, get a piano in there, get a real piano and do it. But can you, do you have any kind of pull with that? Well, I do at my funeral homes.
I have, I have two good pianos. Oh, well, from now on, if you want me playing at your funeral, you're going down to Alexandria City. It's an important part. It is an important part.
It's definitely important. And, and, and, and there's no wrong way to have a funeral as far as that goes. I mean, you, it's, it needs to be reflective of the person. Do you guys help with, with Obits as well?
We do. Yes, sir. We usually sit with the family during the arrangement process and, and pin the Obit and get everything like it's supposed to be and all the personal information. An Obituary is just a short life story. So you want it to say something important, not just announce the funeral service and the visitation.
Yeah. Tell a little bit about that person. Well, a lot of people aren't writers and they, and they'll try to do things that they probably shouldn't do.
And they, they could use the help of some people who've done this before. I saw one the other day and they put the guy's nickname in there in the Obit, John, and it was Varmit. His name. Okay, look, if the man has the nickname Varmit, it probably was appropriate.
You have a little bit of dignity, but you know, but, but it's good that most of your better funeral homes are going to have somebody who can help write, help the family put together a nice Obituary. Is that correct? Yes, sir.
I think we're all pretty well trained in doing that. All right. Now, one other question here, and I'm just doing the lightning round with you, Randy. So thank you for taking the time on this.
It really means a lot. This is Randy Anderson with the National Funeral Directors Association. And they are, I think you're headquartered out of Wisconsin, right?
I broke through Wisconsin. Yes. And, but you're down in Alexandria City, Alabama, and 30 years he's been doing this. So this is, these are things that we want to just talk about. We don't have to get all weird about it and morbid about it. It's just a part of it.
We need to make some good decisions on it. And some people have, you know, they don't go to a lot of funerals and they don't know, but I've played so many. I've had the best seat in the house kind of thing. And I've seen it when it goes horribly wrong.
And I've seen it when it's really done well. And I've done these alongside my father for years as a pastor, then my pastor now of almost 20 years. And he and I have done so many together. And I take it as a real honor. And he does too, of being able to escort families all the way to the grave.
It's quite an honor. But it doesn't come without a little bit of planning. What are some things that people need to look for in a funeral home director?
That, you know, these are good markers. These are some things you might want to stay away from. Well, a good funeral director, you're going to hear in the community about funeral directors. And the best way to find out about a funeral home or funeral directors is to talk to someone who's been there and let them share their experience. Today, you can go to funeral home websites.
Most of us have review sections on there, so you can look at the reviews and the comments that people make. Also, if you find an NFDA funeral home, National Funeral Directors affiliated funeral home, we have a very strict code of conduct that we ask our members to abide by. And if they abide by those requirements, then they're certainly going to provide excellent service to the families that choose them. All right. So that's a good safety net to the NFDA. And look for that. And again, we'll put this out on the website. Just a little tip that you can do.
And now, I'm going to go out on a limb. You and I have never met. This is our first time. I'm going to go ahead and say that you don't mind if a family comes in with a whole list full of questions, do you?
Oh, we welcome them to do that. And one of the ways, one resource that we provide from the National Funeral Directors Association to help families is a website called RememberingALife.com. By the way, we're doing this on Facebook Live right now, so I'm going to go ahead and put that in there. RememberingALife.com. Just a world of answers to questions that you might have before you get there. There's a checklist of when a death occurs. There, find the funeral home so you can find the National Funeral Directors funeral home. Ways to honor a life considering the value of the funeral service and about funeral services. How to plan those services and options that you have. There's just a world of information that's good for the consumer as they make plans for funeral services. And I advise, like I said earlier, advanced planning. It's a great way to be sure that everything is done and you don't have to do this in a rushed manner. Well, and that is the key is don't rush.
Go ahead and start now. Have the conversation. You know, it's hard enough being a caregiver. You don't want to have to then go through all this with some kind of franticness there. And I think that if you do this right, then you as a caregiver can get to that point where you're standing when you're at the service as well. And you can be ministered to in that process as well where you don't feel like the weight of yours. Because you got to understand for a caregiver to stand at a grave. It's a traumatic thing. They have put a life into taking care of someone else. And part of them is going to experience this in a way that other people won't, you know, unless they've done it as a caregiver. And so that service needs to be what you want it to be as a caregiver as well.
You need to have input in this and do this in a way that is comforting to you because you're the person that's standing so close to them. I appreciate you calling. Will you call in some more? I'll be glad to do that. Okay.
Let me know when. All right. And listen, it's Randy Anderson. What's the name of your funeral home down in Alexandria City? It's Radney Funeral Home and Langley Funeral Home.
Radney and Langley. We'll put this out there. And this is from the National Funeral Directors Association. Just some tips. Don't wait.
Don't make this a hurried thing. Do this in a way that really celebrates life and celebrates you as a caregiver as well in the process. Randy, appreciate it. Listen, this is hope for the caregiver. We've got to go to a break. We'll be right back. Thank you, Randy.
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-01-22 06:01:56 / 2024-01-22 06:08:51 / 7