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Advice from Moses' Father-in-Law That Can Help With Landmine #7

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
October 23, 2019 5:06 pm

Advice from Moses' Father-in-Law That Can Help With Landmine #7

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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October 23, 2019 5:06 pm

Moses, yes ...THAT Moses ...had a smart father-in-law (Jethro) who pulled the prophet aside and gave him sound wisdom that can apply to family caregivers. In my book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them, Landmine #7 is "...thinking that it's all up to you!"

Read what Jethro told Moses. 

"Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone."  Exodus 18:17-18

This theme, plus calls rounds out our 10/19/2019 show.

Brought to you by Standing With Hope

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Caregiver on American family for those who are putting themselves willingly and knowingly, voluntarily, without pay between impaired loved one. And even worse disaster looks washed helpless books. That's what the show is all about their 65 million people doing this 65 million people that we kept in the US that it I personally think the note the numbers a little bit low 65 million who are doing this while holding down a job while raising their own family or while giving up their own careers are all kinds of different things that are going on in the family caregiver is at risk.

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Sometimes the transcripts of the show over the coals.

Whatever on there so that you can have them as a reference. If you hear something surrounding what was that again. I have to I think this is for me. I don't like to present the show as a show of instruction because I don't think I need to instruct you. Anybody else but I do think we need to be reminded, and I think that we as caregivers can suffer from what I call caregiver amnesia and I know I do and I know that I also sit suffer from gospel amnesia. And, you know. And these are things that we we need to be reminded of that that God is not abandon us to God is not forgotten is if you go back and look at the book of Deuteronomy where Moses is preaching to the people of Israel before they go into the promised land on Ella.

Don't forget all these things. You would think that you would forget walking through the Red Sea on dry land. You would think that you would forget some the things that some these children had seen. Now the adults an independent die in the wilderness, but you would think that it would forget that quickly, but then again, look how quickly we forget things here in this country, you know, look hundred novel it right after 9/11 all the members of Congress got there in the congressional and for the C and God bless America hello that last you know, so we we forget we we we do and we need to be reminded of those things and that's what this show is all about us to come help remind you where safety is for you as a caregiver. Now let me take a quick moment here I want you to understand.

You can download the app for American family radio go up to the iTunes of the Google play store whatever get the app it's a free app and listen to the show and all the programming American family radio on your devices and I think you can get it, you can go back and they have all kinds of other things that you can listen to. You don't have to listen to right at that moment you can put things out of their site and you could access of things to get the app I think you'll be glad you did. I gotta give credit to buddy. Most of that because out. I know people can stream it but I was sadly behind on the app Devon is producing the show today. Devon I was sadly behind on the app and so I just want you know that I had a buddy Martin listens to the show regularly on his iPad and they were here with this and he told about the app and I felt foolish because here I am on American family radio, but I got a lot of hidden in the very little break sometimes are at 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 if you will be a part of the show.

If you're caregiver right now.

I got something I want to share with you in my book 7 caregiver will am I detail seven things that really can hurt the caregiver and I want to give you scripture Exodus 18, you all been reading in Exodus 18 lately. Exodus 18 when this is verse 14 through 17, when Moses his father-in-law. The all know Moses saw all that he was doing for the people that his father mostly was Jethro not to be confused Jethro boating from the Beverly hillbillies Jethro and sometimes he was called Ruel. I think but anyway it would million when Moses father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, what is this that you are doing for the people. Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening, and Moses said to his father-in-law because the people come to me to inquire of God when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws.

Moses father-in-law said to him what you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone now, let's talk about you as a caregiver. One of the landmines in the is dilemma number seven thinking that it's all up to me now. The principles that we talk about on the show will apply across the board.

There there rooted in Scripture the router right there what Moses father-in-law said to and then at what I try to do is shows how disconnected he was a caregiver to get something out of what I'm saying. If you're not a caregiver but I'm speaking specifically to caregivers what you were doing and I quote this is not good if you try to do this all by yourself. Moses fell into that trap you didn't fall under that trip. This reporter asked what types of what would Jesus do is a caregiver which it was that the reporter was not a a snuffer Christian magazine or or publication and they've had that that was you know that this some years ago when the everybody was going on going WWJD what would Jesus do it is and I don't know what Jesus would let me tell you what he did he delegate he delegated care of his mother to the apostle John, go back and look at he's on the cross doing and and and and after the lesson I get from this is that it's it's not only okay. It's imperative that we delegate certain things that we let go of that we don't try to do everything by ourselves because that's how we get hurt as caregivers and that's how we heard other people and it puts undue strain on us now is hard to know what to do about that. It's hard to know how to do that and how to trust people with that and that's something we can talk about this people going let you down.

Are they going to get it wrong.

One of things we caregiver struggle with is that we don't like to accept help or ask for help because first off, it's humbling to do so. It really is. It's humbling to do so, and then you have that that not your stomach.

Think are they going to come in here and judge me because the way of doing stuff for the mess that we got in our house or whatever else, or then we could have to clean that you know my got to clean up behind these people to go to get it wrong they can do it for a while and then they can throw their hands up and then they can leave and and then I'm back to it again. There's a lot of different scenarios that play out in her mind, but it still doesn't negate the point that we have to ask for help and then we have to receive help. I had a great lesson that this week we just moved from Nashville Tennessee out to Southwest Montana this year. We been out here for several months.

We just sold and closed on her home and I have some dear friends of mine who stepped up and said we want to drive the truck and the trailer out for you last. That's an amazing gift and they did and they were here last night and that's this extraordinary thing is humbling that I have to not only there's a lot of conflicting feelings will because I don't want to be a burden on people that will impose but at the same time I have to learn how to receive. Do you struggle with learning how to receive help you been burned and it may have us talk about.

888-589-8843 will be a part of the show. 888-589-8840 hope for the caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger.

This is the nation's number one show for you caregiver will be like so for caregivers about caregivers caregiver. This year, so glad that you are with this 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 if you will be a part of the show and would love to have you here and also follow along on the app with AFR and they got it.

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But you know if the church is not as a source of light to the world than the one we doing you know we prepared to defend our faith. We prepared to share with other people. We prepared to speak into other people's pain and sorrow and heartache we prepared to do that we know what were saying to we know what to do. Do we know what to offer. That's what this network is all about whether social issues, whether it's politics, whether it's teaching or in this case for the family caregiver.

That's what the show is all about. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 and if you will be a part of the show would love to have you. I was talking about the same with asking for help, asking and receiving help, that is, is he's not just is not just ask is receiving is humbling to do both and are you having a hard time with that. That's one of the landmines we as caregivers face to my book 7 caregiver live in my how you can avoid the asking and receiving help and there is a there is a dynamic that happens with caregivers. What happens with a lot of people, but this is to focus on caregivers today and what what happens is is when we want to ask somebody for help or would we need help were in a dilemma because we think that first off, we got to work up the courage to ask. Then we got to hope that they're going to receive a request positively and then that we hope that they'll step up and then we hope that they if they do show up and participate. That they won't make it worse or they won't judge us or they won't come in and drop the ball or you know there's there's almanac and then then the dutiful ball in the. I member one time in and import of this is important for us to understand what help is for ourselves and then is also important to be listening to the Holy Spirit on help them become that we didn't expect, but I don't want to misspeak into a church and I just unfriendly that our journey is in our family was Gracie stuff and were looking you know 80 surgeries. Both legs amputated this been going on since 1983 and hundred doctors of treater and in all kinds of stuff and I was thumbs once or is this some years ago when I said okay if somebody like my family walked into the church.

How would you help somebody like us and one lady soupy was covered town hall kind of thing because I like to do Q&A when I speak out places she was repression she selected often complain your house, which I thought was incredibly gracious to do and I said that is a very thoughtful thing. Now you have to understand this is been going on for at the time.

For more than 1/4 century. Are you prepared for that level of commitment she save a lot and think about that. I said, take a moment so we have to understand that we what help. Looks like to us in the situation you know you can. I have maintained this for some time that you can give caregivers a bag of cash and if there headspace and heart spaces squarely were not going to quite know what to do with me.

We know to spend money, but we go to be good stewards of it.

Are we good put it in the right places and then were going to need another bag of cash you know in a minute just you see how this can snowball on us because of the nature of what we do as caregivers we we have to come and get some type of plan. So I go back to what what Moses was sitting there and this is Moses coming Moses okay in his own father-in-law came to him and said do man what are you doing what you do and you can't do all this by yourself and I love what what is volatile, said to be said what you are doing is not good.

You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out for the thing is too heavy for you. You were not able to do it alone okay F. Moses had to hear that about you and me and we must think that through. If Moses had to about you and me, so I would say to you is one caregiver to another thing that you were trying to do it by yourself is not good at that mean you're not to have to do things by yourself. It means that if you feel like this is all up to you. It's unsustainable you're going to have to ask for help. You're going to have to learn to receive help and it doesn't mean necessarily go around knocking on peoples doors like that.

What would it mean.

So as you can.

First off you go to Scripture you go to God is the Lord, I need help. I don't really quite know what help. Looks like it is good come in different forms a proxy income but will come in different forms. Forms that you don't expect. I member lady walked into Churchland. She worked up the nerve should be thinking of her husband for about five years and with some kind of brain issue in her car broke down and she went to church and she finally screwed up enough courage to be able to ask somebody.

Hey, I need some help. I have my car is broken down and tinker my husband and I might my corporate and the lady.

She was told to church at all were to pray for you and I would bring your meal and decisive you. I appreciate the prayers and appreciate the meal but but I really need a mechanic might my car is broken down, you know. And a lot of times people will will hear what they think they need to be doing and then they'll try to speak into it so you gotta learn how to own what help. Looks like and then you gotta be able to receive it in this particular case is people like this would we bring meal stuff and I get that meals are great, but you can only bring so many meals before somebody out at a cook. This lady didn't need a tuna noodle casserole she needed a mechanic or car didn't work so there there several pieces of this, can you identify what help.

Looks like and then make your requests known was a sin. Flickers of things is, do not be anxious about anything but in everything with prayer and supplication make your requests known to God. Okay, make him known. What you're asking for may not always be you exactly what you need that point. But let's start with that and learn to be able to speak it.

Itwill offer you back like this lady. She went to visit my car is broken at Wilma. Bring your casserole euros. You just leave it to the new helper that's funny you write that down but what would what we want to do is be able to understand its it's not a it. It's not a simple boilerplate kind of thing that we do as caregivers. In it, but the more we walk in it better be able to navigate through these things. So what's going on with you are you are you in a position where you can ask for help. You too embarrassed to receive help. Are you too ashamed of the way your house looks to have anybody come over. Okay this is are you too ashamed of all your love one ask her look you want to but you be around at the thing that a viewer them or whatever else that's a good place to start. Now that doesn't mean you're those feelings gotta go away.

It just means okay. That's what they are. That's how you feel about the let's start with that and go to God with that list go to God first because he's going to be working in people's hearts in ways you cannot and he will bring the men but if you're in a position where you're so close off that matter who we sense, but Moses was in a position where he could listen to his father-in-law into Moses his credit, he did and he started delegating it out and I go back to what you know what Jesus did on the cross he delegated to John.

John your mother mother son. He delegated care of his mother to John, and I think this is this is the lesson that we as caregivers can learn and put into place in our lives. I'm not asking to go out and start knocking on doors.

I'm simply asking you. Are you willing to help. Are you willing to go to your knees and say Lord I need help, but I don't know what help always looks like, and I remember one time my father gave me a great piece of advice when I was Graciela really going to pretty rough time in and we had everything which is crashing of the bills and everything. It was it was it was pretty rough when you had $11 million medical might. Mary can get pretty ugly at times and dad told the story about Isaiah and in it in the book of Isaiah, believe in it, and King Hezekiah got a letter from the Syrian king forgives name or if I do say is a mob of megalith subsequent say was that it was some key and in this letter he just the king laid out to King Hezekiah of Judah. Hey, here's what I'm get ready duty will you need to you need to be prepared for this because I'm coming to just bust you guys up and it frightened. King Hezekiah I mean truly frightening anyone into the temple there any hell the letter out just hell the letter that they got to God and he just held out so I don't want to do, paraphrasing, of course, but it is this patient what he did. Just when there's is no God. I don't know what the father said you race he said out of the kitchen table. You write out all these things take your bills if you have to lay them on the tape and assail God we don't know what to do. There was no thunderbolt or lightning or anything like that but all of a sudden we started to see things changing in us in the way that we approach these things and little by little the help came just like you came King has Hezekiah just like it came to Moses when you start making decisions, better decisions. Okay, first off I'm going to humble myself and realize that I haven't been in the second thing is I'm in humble myself even more and realize that I need to receive in ways that I maybe can't control or expect 888-589-8848 885-8980 so 589-8840 were talking about not trying to do this all by yourself, not thinking that it's up to you.

The landmine is from a book 7 caregivers and you get wherever books are sold seven caregivers live and how you can avoid in the landmine number seven is thinking that this is all up to you now we know it's not. And we know you did a lot of people try to do this but looked listless is that with her thinking right now thinking that it's all up to you. Alright, I do want to squeeze in some calls here a net in Arkansas net welcome to the show how you feel and the NetWare would will tailor our net back. Sorry is not how you feel and chronic pain. I had not yet diagnosed, I think that it will start to start all over. Are you feeling a lot of pain. Okay you take care of actually the man who answered the phone.

I said I actually have fun because I care where Gartner My-Arm@One to Ever Scared for You Where They Are Needed When I'm Right Here with Me Right Now. I We Were Planning for Care That I Mostly Just Saying Bad and I Can Make. I Got Electric Wheelchair Talking Get Back They Come Back the Matter Now, Which Is Last a Month. The Time so We Decided Not to Pay Anybody to Be with Me and If I Get Really Really Weak or Anything That Felt like outside in Carlisle Will Get Your Husband and Son Just Meant That What's What's Pressing on Your Mind Right Now. Now I Had My Hat Ask for Help.

He Probably Felt like He Has To Be Reliable.

He Probably Thought That Way and I Think Back to My Topic That Anyway You Know You're Not Really Do Anything on Your Own Anyway God Giving You the Strength Daily and That without God You Wouldn't Have Your Johnny Right and Have Faith That Have Anything Remember That Everything Is God Real Well with That Accent. He Tells People Lighting Encourager.

I Am Damn All the Time Because I Can't Take a Look at Time God's Truth Will Where Is He Right Now Work in Liquid to Get off Highlight behind 633 Record, and 1/4 Hour Shift Work That out.

We Are Checked out 2 to 3 Anyway He Dating Works Best at Traveling Partner Hours. So What's the What's the Purpose of Your Call Here Today Because I Have a Great I Wanted to Die at Home, and He Had Great I Don't Know. I Want to Be Fair to Him and That's My Concern. I We Have Resources Elected Now And Then Because He Had Not How Helen after I Die, Not Claim Expenses like an Accountant and How He Thinks That They're Going to Get You Terminal Working.

I Haven't Been Diagnosed in the World Terminal Mean Death Is Death Imminent for You in the Next Months or Years.

Well for A While I Came Very Close to Dying and on, I Think Anyone Cannot I What Happened Last and Diagnosed Whenever I Got the Baby Rattle off the Appetite and I Was Reading I Will Be Back up Sick for so How Old Are You I'm 6161 Okay. Do You Doctors Think That You Are in Danger of Dying Anytime Soon. They Said Hey That Are in Danger of Dying in the Next Year Diagnosed Me. They Don't Even Know What Going on but They're Not Coming to You and Said Hey You Get There Not Come to You and Your Husband Said Hey You Got a Year Now. Okay so Death Is Really Not on the Table Right Now.

You May Die. You May Well I Mean It Did I Get That and We Face Death.

A Lot Of My Family's Will to and I Get That.

I Think That There's A Lot Of Stuff That You're Putting out Here on the Table about Your Husband. But the That the Bottom Line Is That the Person Probably Ought to Spend Some Time with Your Husband You're Not to Be Able to Change Him or Make Him Do Anything He Doesn't Want to Do If He Doesn't Want to Ask for Help Is Not to Do It. If He Doesn't Want to Tap into Resources Neck and Want to Do It If He Wants to. Whatever. So the Question Is Why Is He Doing What's What's Going on with Him.

Is He in Church Do You Go with Them at All, or Does He Go by Himself on Now Are You Are You Completely Bedridden and You Can't Get in Your Motorized Cart and Go to Church Go out to Go to Doctors Appointments and Things like That. I Think You Meant Do You Go to Doctors Appointments and I Know That I Am Not Act on a Hot Metal Pilot Kind Rematch at When I Get a Little Somebody in Pain All the Time and It's It's a Brutal Journey to Go and Then I'm Not Exactly Sure What Your Will. I Get That to I'm Not Exactly Sure What You're Asking. I Know That Your Situation Is Uncomfortable and I Think You're Very Worried about Your Husband Because You See That the Enormous Burden Is on Him, but I Think at This Point That There Would Probably Be Best If He Listened to the Show If He Called in the Show and Because He's Going to Talk to a Guy That Is Been Taken Care Of Somebody in Severe Pain Now for 3+ Decades I Get It and and so Whether or Not You Want to Dine Your Home or Anything like That, the Party with the Doctors You Go to Do You Go to Any Doctors That Deal with Emotional Mental Health Counseling or Anything You Thought about It I Now I Will I and Crying and Acting Directly Thinking How That Will I Get to Live with Somebody Who Is in That Kind of Pain and She's Pushed through It to Be Able to See Get Some Help It Allow Liver Somebody Who's Who's Doing That so I Think That I Have You Told Your Doctors This That You're Basically Just Laying in Bed Wanting to Die. I Told Him I Hate the Christian Hold on What the Doctor Say When You Told Her That I Try You Don't Die. Why Would My Support. What Was the Point of Living in It. So Much Pain That It Was Sent out a Living.

I Think That's I Think That's What I Will, It Sounds like Is Limited to You Right Now Because I Think It's I Think That's a Little Bit Misguided. It Sounds like, but If You Don't Want to Live. I Think This That Sounds like the Biggest Problem If You Want to Live and I Would Imagine That Particular Behavior and Mindset Is Very Very Troubling to Your Family and It's Unsettling and I Think I Will Hoot Who Wishes That Went Hunting Well You Know What I Will and You Probably Get Your Wish. The Main Part of This Is This Is How Bad Did You Willing to Trust God in the Midst of Your Pain Would Help Help Help Strongly You Willing to Trust God in the Midst of Your Pain. You Keep Wanting to Dine Your Husband Keeps What He Did.

I Guess What You Go to Die Will Not Are You Living a Life Not by the People at Time. I Don't See Him Are You Are You Still Living. We Know You Really Are You Living in the Bid and You Get up and Do This but but You're Just Sitting around Wanting to Die.

Doesn't Sound like You Want Your Living so but That Didn't Do Something When You Go Back to You. You Read Your You Read Your Bible, Don't You Want.

I Want You Read Two Things for Me for You Not for Me, for You Saw 13 Go Back and Read It.

I Want to Read It Incredibly Slowly. I Mean Super Slow and When You Finish Reading.

Go Back and Read It Again. Then I Want You to Flip over into Acts Where Paul and Silas Were in Prison and They Been Beaten That Day. They Were Put in Stocks and They Were in Prison and a Big Stripped Naked and Beaten Them in around Midnight.

They Were Doing What. By the Way, That's X 16 Yeah Was Last Time You Sing Praises to God When the Last Time I Cried out Right.

Well Today's a New Day Today You Can Start Singing Praises to God, If You Just Laying There. Just Keep Saying I Want to Dine Your Husband Comes in Is Is I Want You to Death. Pretty Soon Everybody's Gonna Want You to Die. How's That Working out for You Guys Are Not 24 RAM When I Pain South America Followed My Entire Body from Head to Town Literally). Dawson, II Get It on the One down the Radio Disc to Get except That My Wife Doesn't Have It from Head to Toe Because She Doesn't Have Toes. She's Missing Both Legs. I Get but I Also Know That She Wants to Live. She Wants Her Life to Mean Something Even in Your Pain. Go Read Psalm 13 the Next 60 Read and Then Read It with Your Husband. Hey This Peter Rosenberg Is Never Help Somebody Walk for the First Time I've Had That Privilege Many Times through Our Organization. Standing with Hope When My Wife Gracie Gave up Both of Her Legs Follow This Horrible Rick That She Had As a Teenager and She Try to Save Them for Years and If It Just Wouldn't Work out. And Finally She Relinquished Him and Thought Wow This Is That I'm Not Happy Legs Anymore. What Can God Do with That and Then She Had This Vision for Using Prosthetic Limbs As a Means of Sharing the Gospel to Put Legs on Her Fellow Amputees and That's What We Been Doing Now since 2005 Was Standing with Hope We Work in the West African Country of Ghana and You Can Be a Part of That through Supplies through Supporting Team Members through Supporting the Work That Were Doing over There, You Can Designate a Limb. There's All Kinds of Ways That You Can Be a Part of Giving the Gift That Keeps on Walking and Standing with Hope.com Would You Take a Moment Ago Understanding with Hope.com and See How You Can Give They Go Walking and Leaping and Praising God. You Could Be a Part of that@standingwithhope.com life to the you speak life to yourself this thing is lovely. Psalm 13 because that's where you going to get it. That's where you see were active in acts 16 were Paul and Silas were beaten in jail and they were bruised up and beaten in prison. At midnight, singing hymns were going to have to understand that were going to have pain were going to have a lot of pain but we gotta speak life to each other in this thing and you know Annette is speaking death to herself in the midst of it and I get it, but her husband needs to speak life to her Sunday speak like to her because that's what Scripture speaks like to receive it in the midst of God were to take her home will take her home and I live with someone who is in significant pain very hard to describe what you do it that's her life she's learned to live a life in the midst of were not promised a life without pain. Do we trust him in it are we willing to trust a minute. These are very, very difficult things we deal with as caregivers but as you can see, as you could hear for the conversation. There's there's not the sense of okay I'm going to cling to the promises of God in the midst of this think it's okay to cry. It's okay to cry out in pain. It's okay to be an Anglo-Saxon.

Psalm 13's all about Atlas go to Deborah and North Carolina Deborah good morning how you feeling morning here on a little bit up around and today are let's go deeper.

I don't out of the sky deeper. That's good. I'm glad that's a great place to start because that's where a lot of caregivers are so tell us a little bit about okay. I have a daughter that was assaulted and she had a stroke and she almost died, and for two years I have been caring for her.

She's a faith that can't speak and hear little independent.

She can walk she had had the use of her right arm and her husband abandoned her.

I went to another state, and I have currently her sole caregiver.

She has her own place, but I find that the more I try to help her out. She had somewhat destructive behaviors. She drinks and she wants us family members to bring her alcohol and she has a friend that helps her to continue in her on that habit of alcoholism and I don't how to reach her. I don't know what else to do for her to try get her to understand that in a.hunting. Basically, if she doesn't stop will there's three things that happened with alcoholics, three potential past that they could have, whether there had had a stroke or been assaulted or whatever else it.

She still an alcoholic 33 possible plat past that she is she's going to get sobered up. She's going to get locked up or she's going to get covered mutual death. Those are the only three choices that she has you are not responsible for what she chooses to put in your body.

You are not responsible for doing that and you cannot make her do anything that different, and you don't have the vocabulary to fix this. There's not a there's not a phrase that you go to come up with that's going to say you know all right here it is. Now you understand and she comes back afforded I get it. Mom and I will stop is that it happened she's going to have to she's going to have to hit the place where she cries out for help. And then she's gonna have to work a recovery program. That's the way this is going to play out, or she's going to self-destruct right.

Now you want to bring her alcohol.

That's fine, but you don't have to do it she want all she wants, but that's not your responsibility, and that is not your place to do that. You don't need to enable this in any way fashion or form in the way you care for your daughter is you put boundaries up to this is what I will build up participate male. I say that rather firmly because you need to be firm in it. However, please understand that you're going to cry hot tears in those times because you're going to have to watch somebody you love circled the drain until she decides she's had enough and she may or may not be capable of it.

I don't know. I don't know what she's capable are not capable of but I know that you're not capable of going down this particular rabbit hole and saving her. And the best thing that you can for your daughter is for you to go to a recovery program for yourself for family members of alcoholics that is the best thing you can do Al-Anon program on the program start that is that is a great place to start. That is a great place to start and I would also recommend that you possibly seek some counseling for yourself on this and get a good social worker, a good mental health counselor has been around the block for you. Don't go to psychiatrist or psychologist are pretty expensive. I think you go to licensed clinical social worker and do just fine.

But somebody who's just been around the block for a while. And what about your church has you pastor you we get along pretty well. Your pastor from regular tender on you feel like pretty pastors got elation you feel like you pastors get some good insights or some some good savvy to night. Drill you know I counseling. I know that there are Other people in my church that are actually counseling on May hard for me to open up and talk to other people that Deborah I truly do know it's hard but that's what this hopefully this conversation today, as it were learning that were good have to ask for help. And right now you need help me. You just do that help is not getting your daughter stop drinking help is for you to accept the fact that your daughter is an alcoholic and disabled all the other things and make peace with it with yourself and knowing what is yours and what is not yours everyone, a reporter asked me a euro, what was the hardest thing for you to do is it is a caregiver and you've heard my story mean gray she's had 80 surgeries and hundred doctors of traders will different hospitals, but the hardest thing for me is to know what is mine and what is not mine to carry and I go back to what we talk about begin the show with Moses. He was after trying to carry the entire burden of a nation's father-in-law said to back away from this is too big for you else I read that same Scripture, but in the context of your daughter.

This is what Moses follows that human I will say to you, you will certainly wear yourselves out. For this thing for the thing is too heavy for you, you're not able to do it alone. You can't fight alcoholism.

You can't fight was happened to your daughter but you can deal with what's going on with you and that's where a good recovery program for family members of alcoholics comes into play. That's where good counseling comes up with us were good church situation where you're hearing the gospel repeated over and over and over to you to to understand how God is faithful to you in this speaking life. What I'm hoping that you do about that. I saw this with the last call.

She speaking death to herself in the midst of her pain I want I want her and in her husband and her son and now you to speak life to yourselves that it did have nobody else to speak in life you speak to yourself. David did that at the sick leg with his men would go to stumbling the cities in just knelt down and straightened himself in the Lord. That's what we have to do with. That's why do the show so that you have somebody to say to you, hey Deborah, speak life to you in this thing don't know what could happen with you daughter. She may not make it. You have to you have to.

It's hard to hear our Friday I tried to years of to try to thank her but she didn't think the interested and wanting will not have much to do some hearts are not concerned. Go back, our Savior's that I was literally hanging on the cross wanting to save people that were not interested in being saved. Look at your hands down at your hands. The use email prints.

This is your cervix. You cannot say, for she has a Savior you're not that Savior you, her mother, and you will grieve over this and that's what's so important for you to be around other people who understand this who can build you up in it because you will grieve over this and it will hurt up I I'm sorry it just it just will. It's not going to. That's not going to be fixed this side of heaven. But that doesn't mean you can't get stronger in this. That doesn't mean you can't make peace with this. That doesn't mean you can't have joy in this.

That doesn't mean you can't be calm her in this see the goal here is not for you to fix your daughter. The goal is for you to trust God as he moves in this thing about how this plays out so that you can be calmer and healthier as your daughter goes through these things and if you end up standing at a grave that you're not doing it with clinched fist, but you it's really important you understand what you can and cannot do and you cannot fix this.

She doesn't want to be saved and you don't have the power to save her even if she does all you can do is point her to safety and decide what you will do and what you will not and I would highly recommend you not enabling her by bringing her alcohol or anything else just say no to is going to beach you can get blowback and she could say ugly things together or communicate everything Steve look at what you do, what is he I really appreciate it. Just tell you how much I appreciate how hard it left me to make the phone call that I can count from your conversation, you really understand you did. And that is appreciated and I respect so much that don't listen, don't don't hang up a mortgage information will send you copy my book 7 caregiver Elaine and told us to like 100 pounds, but I'm glad you picked it up and call.

That's why we do the show given. I appreciate the procedure take the time to call.

Don't hang up. That is get your information. This is hopefully caregiver hope for the caregiving.com see


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