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A Conversation With My Brother, Dr. Richard Rosenberger

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
November 24, 2019 6:00 pm

A Conversation With My Brother, Dr. Richard Rosenberger

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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November 24, 2019 6:00 pm

"I didn't even know what Cerebral Palsy was until we received the diagnosis for our daughter." - Dr. Richard Rosenberger

For this special edition of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, I invited my brother to call in and share his vast journey as a caregiving father for 30+ years ...and as an educator.  Richard is the Superintendent for Anderson County School District #2 in Upstate South Carolina. 

In this interview he candidly shares his lengthy journey, mistakes, wisdom, and passion for education.  

Hope for the Caregiver is heard Sunday Evenings at 6 PM Eastern on Sirius XM Channel 131 (FAMILY TALK) and Saturday Mornings at 8 AM Eastern on American Family Radio.

 

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About caregivers like this is cared and I am Peter Rosenberger I am your host. This is the number one show the family caregiver were so glad you're with us before we get to our special guest today. Think just a moment to talk about Thanksgiving and gratitude.

Gratitude is a big part of our lives is is caregivers and so many of us are not expressing that gratitude and it's a muscle we need to work in order for us to be in a better place if we celebrate Thanksgiving this week. I wanted just to touch base with you as a caregiver to communicate to you how important it is to foster that attitude of gratitude. There are things that you're dealing with is a caregiver that are very implicit makes it hard to feel grateful. But their lot of things you can be grateful for. And that's the place would like to start today in the other thing Jon, I wanted to address this for fellow caregivers and see this is resonates with you, but I think that a lot of times is caregivers.

We spent so much time trying to make it special for the other person at holiday time and we want to recapture something because this may be our last one is we will do every little tiny tradition we possibly can to make them feel better, but that we leave ourselves out of the equation is really easy to do.

It's it's because were so often that in that mode, and rightly so, that that week we focus our attention in a direction that is very important and we're here to also say that there is another important correction that is important to yourself. Make sure it special for you make one dish for yourself and me and everybody's got that one thing that we like it Thanksgiving for yourself. When John likes turkey like my brother LeSueur Greenpeace regularly touches multiple choice. It is not even a vegetable here in you, but it's very therefore he equates it with the vegetable that's his thing. He likes to have LeSueur Green has to be with us and so but too many caregivers will go around trying to re-create the holidays past with a loved one because they're so afraid this may be the last one of the feel guilty. Whatever.

And we sacrifice our own peace of mind at the altar of nostalgia and let me just say this right this down with think I just made that up job is to help nostalgia ate everything. It used to be the last one test that was grand larceny. Every alarm is still at what cost to be without such a great line and I looked at what the stalls it when we try to re-create and live under it and put ourselves in bondage under is not worth it to our own peace of mind. Sometimes it's okay to create new memories and I will give you an example, when Gracie had her car wreck. I did not know her. At the time and her family was traumatizes. You can imagine the came up from Florida. She was in Nashville, Tennessee, and there in the hospital they don't know they're in a city that they really don't know and they don't know if their daughters could live that she was unconscious for three weeks after Rich got hurt on November 18. Her grandmother we called her Mimi.

She understood that there were some things that were worth celebrating. Remembering and incorporating even in those kinds of traumatic moments and they sit around had Thanksgiving dinner in the hospital cafeteria which is not cool by the way have done that myself.

It's not cool and Mimi pulled out one of those foldout paper turkeys you don't talk about with the flow tail feathers. If audio van yeah and she pulled it out and put it on the centerpiece of the table that they could have some semblance of Thanksgiving on the family.

Even though there family member. Gracie was lying fighting for her life, literally just one floor up above unit that was a meaningful Thanksgiving that was a meaningful gesture. It didn't stop the tears. It didn't stop the heart ache. It's just reintegrated some sense of normalcy into the craziness find something to be grateful for and make it your own and that's what Thanksgiving should be about is just being grateful were just grateful and in and not even in the most dire of circumstances. There are things that you can be grateful for.

I go back to the story of Corrie 10 boom and her sister Betsy and they were imprisoned in Raven's Brook and the concentration camp during the Holocaust. There were so many fleas in their hut that they were imprisoned in, and Corey just bitterly snapped out and she was slim and she was 50 years old when she went to the concentration camps. He was the young woman and they were dirty, and everything else and there was the fleas around and Betsy told corset were to be thankful for the fleas and cores like you gotta be out of your mind numbing.

I'm paraphrasing the excuse that for the award to she was Dutch about that on that translates to the Dutch but the equivalent of are you nuts but and she said Scripture says you rejoice in all things give thanks in all things she said okay and she just cut aside and did it because her sister Betsy said this is what we ought to do what turns out because of so many fleas that the guards would stay away from that hut and leave them alone.

These women that were there clustered together were able to care for each other, minister to each other have Bible studies together and out of the purview of the Nazi guards because I did want to get around the fleas and that's the way they looked at the thought. Okay, if you can learn to give thanks.

If it Betsy Tim Boone could learn to give thanks for fleas in a concentration camp hut that I can learn to be grateful where I am to as an epilogue to that story just to let you know Corrie 10 boom after she was released from the concentration kit went on to leave my wife Gracie to the Lord when Gracie was just a little girl about the heart of want to transition to our special guest today.

I like to have interesting guest on the show to talk about some things.

This, my brother, Richard, Dr. Richard Rosenberger and he is an educator, superintendent of the school's district in South Carolina where were both from and he is also a caregiving that I wanted to pick his brain little bit and talk about some things with special needs children with their schooling and also with kids who are in school who have special needs and their families or parents that are having sickness and so forth and just some things he's learned some insights along the way so Richard, I'm glad you're with us of how you doing that year over the fact that I'm still moment as favorite right you that's not troubling know you don't want to know that certain of the little of the believes it tells little bit about your story with your daughter is 31 years old and Kelsey was born with cerebral palsy. It's not something we volunteer for Honda but within a few months after Berkeley realized that she wasn't doing things that her older brother was doing and it was a journey that we really had no roadmap for that. It was Wanda. We've enjoyed every bit of it is very special to us but she has severe needs. She she does not wall. She had very few words and mentally she's probably about two years old. What type of I know this because I watched you, but I want Jesus, take a moment to articulate the type of journey. This is been for you and your family you you have an older son.

But then you out. You guys went to this with Kelsey and then you've had a younger son, and that had to be a bit fearful. I would think absolutely we really had no roadmap. How do you radiate child with cerebral palsy with disability and leave the fear of what their next step, though one were to be going to hospital because of the major seizures old. What is the cost that we don't know that going to get us in right now. Every time we buy a vehicle for it. We buy two vehicles because it has to be handicapped accessible. I usually have the lift in there that's twice a minute onto cars and so those of those unknowns that we have to tackle and are we ready to try doing all this and have another child in possibly have one with disability. That's a huge fear, but the one thing we did find we discovered to our entire process that to build in from normalcy of the family is just as important as anything else and we wanted to continue with our family and we been blessed with three children. They all have their unique characters and character traits in their lap because you know them, but they are characters. They they've all blasted that different.

How have you shepherded them alone your sons along to know that this is the extra responsibility.

This could be a part of their life. Those had to been some challenging conversations at times and probably was some tears and so forth.

What was said been like for them and you guys and you just sit down as their dad say to your sons okay look you're going to have to grow up a little bit faster than you probably would've wanted to her that we would've like for you to, well, I didn't have to have that conversation.

I think we model what we expect out of partner, children, and it became natural. They know they have to get up there holding doors open for not only for their mom but for anybody that push that wheelchair in that they know that there's there's gonna be some waiting time is we have to take care of their sister reported, so it wasn't something we got to sit on have a conversation. It was eight just as you would any kind of parenting there is that expectation that children will pick up what you're doing is just there is a little bit different than I guess what you may call the normal family. There is one they had to understand our family does Think Different and that that's can be a challenge, then they can be of May.

Sometimes a painful challenge because that means our family cannot do certain things that other families can do that we learn to do what we can and I don't think he either one of our boys would I have any regrets this far as having a sister with a disability there be there very proud of her and they honestly they don't know a life without her. So for them to sit there and feel like they've been cheated or disadvantage because of their their role of helping Risa assist with several polity and that that doesn't exist. How about you and Kim, your wife, you guys sometimes need to step back for moment and just take a break just for the two of you to have your relationship, how do you deal with that in a way that that you're not sin they're just wringing your hands when what's going on with Kelsey is she okay she okay that you can actually just kind of go out to dinner just the two of you sometimes or getaway. The two of you had how to set factor in those conversations and how you learn to make peace with the fact that maybe she Kelsey is not with you but that's okay she's safe she's cared for and you guys can enjoy the moment without feeling guilty or frenetic, are things such as that. We didn't do very well and incredible strain granted.

We had two sets of parents willing to do almost anything and that those early years, the help provided Tom assistance so take care Kelsey, but as she became bigger and more dependent on our strengths, my strength the Outlook because that means transporting or physically transporting him picking her up.

We we sometimes kind of pulled herself in and and that meant we cheated ourselves out of taken taken advantage of time to be just as a husband, wife, and that that the extremely dangerous position to be in that I have a lot of time with was a time when was a definitive time with that switch flipped when you said you know what some different or did it just kind of evolve or what will I do. I'm not sure that what I think it is somewhat evolved. It may be because we became more conscientious of her needs maybe become more ideas were pride are not willing to allow others to step in.

I was probably the worst of that. But sorry this is my daughter again.

I didn't volunteer for this job. But I would give the job and by God I'm going to do the job and no one can do the job as well as I can, and that's not a good attitude to have that will link that puts you and yes I can sit there and say I've taken care of my daughter, but did actually take care of my family and that's something we we struggle with for many years, and not many parents will do this I say that to myself and to my fellow caregivers is that we have to do it there some point where we have to get to the place where we said it's not what's best for that individual's was best for the unit is that resident I agree and I'm not sure. I always had the plan to get there and again. Sometimes I had to put my personal feelings away to allow that to happen, but I didn't do a very good job. You know what, I'm not gonna leave Kelsey here when I know I can take her here with me and to be better but that meant here with me that I'm sharing my time with my wife with my daughter and most people see us now that were inseparable that we can still go with three however maybe wisdom took over.

Maybe help a bad back, took over and now I have my son adult sons that an incredible daughter-in-law that are willing to step in that hey we got this and the other part of that first question asked what how to depict the siblings with her siblings. No, they have a role, and I know I do not have incredible trust with them that they can step in.

We can leave and they're doing that and what a blessing this been so our marriage is Holland a whole lot better when I'm able to relinquish that responsibility.

But I can assure you I'm not the only one out there that's tough to relinquish that responsibility. I think of learned over the years for caregivers. Not only is it importantly, we ask for help, but we also learn how to receive that health and it is very difficult for people to know how to help us and were so guarded with it and it's it's for me it's been a hard lesson and I had people come to me that I didn't even solicit help from but they somehow whether Holy Spirit I know just but somehow they knew how to speak a moment in that particular moment, something that would be very helpful to me. I would imagine you seeing people on the way that surprised you with help. That was very specific and very timely that you did even asked for but then you had to receive it have if you had those kinds of moments.

You know those moments. I'm not sure been the best receiving and one will I not allow someone else to take care of her for this, why not allow for somewhere to stay overnight here on not someone else. They home theater or bather because that in my mind.

I'm sorry as much as I ported my.you cannot do it as good as I can, and that the Lego I think I get that. And I think there's a natural tendency for us as caregivers to not want to relinquish that because we already that they're going to screw it up and that's exactly what I feel and that that's tough and not maybe wisdom maybe bad back has said it's time for you to relinquish that and what I done I nothing's gone wrong. Nothing that happened that I will do about that but it hasn't happened in it and it left my marriage as well as my family. Well, I used to feel obligated to spend 24 seven at the hospital was grayscale. There's a point where I just couldn't do it. I just physically could and as soon as I would leave I would get a phone call or something would happen and so forth that I had to learn to accept the things going to happen. And, and I'm just but but it's if if I go down there was a switch that flipped with me and I would love to say came up with this on my own but I didn't. But a friend told me said look, she may not make it.

You have to and we face death so many times you guys a face death with Kelsey many times I face death with Gracie many times and there is a point realize okay that we are we are in very dangerous places.

Physically with our loved ones, but were also in dangerous places with ourselves as caregivers that we could stroke out very easily. The stress on us is relentless. Your back is just trashed. You know, your finances, all these kinds of things in there. There is that point where maybe just maybe we just have to exhaust ourselves and get the ball or we just cry uncle well yes, but also love your analogy is about the on the airplane with the oxygen mask drop down you don't put it on person needed to put it on yourself first because I cannot take him myself then doesn't matter what happened to her that night and I've got to be able take care myself and that is a mean just might my health. I mean it could be my mental health. My emotional health, and there's a lot of power lot with them your theology.

Change this is a loaded question I know but I would imagine it did.

I don't know the did I really don't know where my shirt don't tell dad our dads minister and there was there was no anger at God for this I there's a lot of questions and an idea, not by had a lot of suggestions forgot that there really wasn't any anger that why did you want to pick me hi I think it's one of those things that I can go up the bird. Love you and say looking down from God.

He chose me.

He chose my wife because he needed someone to put Kelsey and and and if I keep that focus, then I'm doing his will and I'm honoring him by what I've done and that doesn't mean of anything there's been challenges for years, but I gotta realize there is a honor that God put me in this position and I like that that honor your educator education is been a part of your life.

You have your doctorate in it and you have a real passion for educating not just children but that's the families that are involved. Can you point to specific things that your journey is a special needs dad has done that is giving you a you a different perspective.

Now when you look at families coming into your schools and kids coming into your hallways house that changed you as an educator well right now that if I'm having a rough day. All I have to do it in a special education class for self-contained special education class I guerrilla. I'm not having a bad day got us to. I've got it so much better than somebody's kid who could still come to school small than the faith and just enjoyed being there because there was a time 40 I think about 50 years ago. Now that they did not have that opportunity and they would been told we would been told. Kelsey needs to go to an institution, but now she had the chance to be part of public education as well is all these other students and it is give me a great perspective.

Gotta be careful sometimes because people knowledge me yes on the parent here, but I'm also an educator, even administrator and that maybe can skew that that that way people see us RCI special needs but I'll give you one example that really caught me off guard as a parent was very upset with the school because she wanted the daughter to stay a little longer think the clown go to 21 and schools that what she's were not be able to provide a more she's got HL but the reality of it was. The parent was so fat and prayerful because she was going to lose her job because now she was going to have to take care that are full time and sometimes we miss that we missed that peace that when parents come in there some already hasten the denial white.

My child special needs.

My child has a disability. So there's some anger and frustration from unknown before they even enter school and then there hit with these IEP then comes the paperwork and sign here and do this and that's a challenge that that let compound that puts people on the defense and it doesn't have to be in one of the things that we try to focus more. Anything else is were noncommittal to cure the problem but we can build a relationship and if I was to tell parents that are facing those special needs crisis or issues a work disability and I'm not sure what's going to happen at school. I can assure one thing people don't going to special education to be a teacher just because it's money. There's too much work they go therefore passion so we have incredible teachers teach in special education, and all of her program, but special education requires that the passionate teacher and knowing that if the parent would make that effort to build that relationship with the teacher.

I think the sum of that satisfaction going to the education process and you have to start over.

Sometimes every year is a different teacher. Maybe, but that that's the only thing you can control.

I can't control what happens out there for my daughter's case. How did she do in school. I have no idea she doesn't. She cannot tell me and and write why not even an adult day care.

We have a little form that they found that she go to the bathroom. Did she eat her her MILF and that when I things pretty trivial but not what it would if she didn't need anything at school all day long what it what she did go to the bathroom all day long.

That's huge to there's a concern and when parents cannot get that communication that feedback from their their child it Latham someone on the defense disability things would gotta have that relationship. Teachers are so good at providing that but sometimes there's a little budding head because there's appeared to be attacked by parents and parents are careful to not getting information but that we can take a quick break. This is a real issue for so many families as they think this initial steps into the public school system with specialist children. Talk with my brother, Dr. Richard Rosenberger is caregiving dad for special needs daughter but is also an educator just unpacked this like and this is the show is hosted by caregivers for caregivers.

We speak here. How are you holding up her show was brought by stating with hope stay with hope is the ministry that my wife found many years ago when she wanted to reach out to her fellow incudes what she lost her leg and then she lost her remaining leg and she said oh my goodness, you do hear it and she had this vision for putting legs on her fellow incudes and so that's what we been doing in West Africa since 2005 and then we expanded it to this ministry to the family caregivers for the wounded and those who care for them and we will recycle prosthetic limbs will take the parts they go to prison in Tennessee run by friends at core civic.

They administer many prisons around the country, many correctional facilities and this is one other faith-based programs that they have and prisoners will volunteer these inmates volunteered to disassemble prosthetic limb so that we can reuse the parts and then we ship that along with purchased material over to West Africa and would build and maintain limbs over there for their own people and and help them do that. So this would have stayed with hope.com go take a look and see how you can be a part of this talk with my brother, Dr. Richard Rosenberger. He is a educator for cash how we been doing is Richard 35 years. My I can't finish my 37th year and now in your ear. You've reached kind of this really high apex of being a district superintendent. Not a big pot of their bill sometimes but but you're the position when you can influence a great many students and teachers and and I'm grateful that you're able to do that and you bring your 30+ years as a caregiving dad for daughter with cerebral palsy and severe developmental issues to the table before the break you were talking about families as they kind of take those first tentative steps and I would imagine those are scary steps for any family special needs children to take a bid to public school to try to put them in that environment, and yet it can be the biggest blessing for those families because you do have.

Like you said, special needs teachers are not. You don't get into it for the money and the prestige it is work and it is a calling is a passion and what would you say to those families are taken.

Those were some tips that they can incorporate as they take those first steps, and then over they have to meet with the new teacher next year that, things like is a real those relations with us teachers what are some tips that you say those families. Well, I think the first thing is what you said build a relationship. I made that teacher provide me your phone number, email, readily available, they need to. There's no such thing as too much communication involved and I think that just puts both the parent and the teacher is not some tell you that well that the overbearing parent a yeah it may come across that way.

But I'm sorry my child and I will tell every person apparently had been here do not worry about the thing yourself in a year.

The best expert for your child, you may not have the terminology may not have the no call for special education needs are IP but you are the expert in there and so there's nothing wrong with wanting to share that and make sure that that team the IEP team or the teachers that you can work with have that information.

I also encourage parents to become as knowledgeable as possible about special education brighter than that little challenge in itself to because it's complicated but I think the more educated we get about our child and with the need to than half the better we can help serve them as well. Go caregiver authority that we have caregiver authority because we do know our love was and where is like without all the doctors of the tree to Gracie. I don't know the science of a lot of these things I do. Gracie right and and and I'm with her 24 seven there with her.

You know 15 minutes a month, thing, and I think that these parents is a good word for these parents did to not be afraid to wield that caregiver authority. They don't have to know all the processes of education, but they can build that team relationship with that special needs teacher there to be with special needs teacher.

You know the child's darkness of this early you know for many years a dozen years or more and so that those relationships are important if you could this hypothetical, but I'm sure you've had this thought if you could think of. If you could have a sitdown with the conversation with, for example, Secretary of Education on a national level with the things that I know you done things on the national level, was supposed to been awarded in and recognize and so forth. If you just have a one-on-one conversation with the objective education of your state or or the country about this issue with special needs children and their families. What are some of things that you would love for them to know what, loaded question and that's figured you living sometimes there is even at that level, there may not be aware of what was special education about an old one. Public Law 94, 142 came in 1974, 1975 it was designed to allow special needs people are all people to be involved in the public education. Before that it was a wooden had that opportunity. And now that there well unfortunately over the 80s and 90s there became a push that to get the kids, special education, we became more. I guess directed forest trying to get those kids out of our classes so those kids did not disrupt or how slow are other classes down and now the very important time, but that's where special education grew and became again way back.

He was hopefully those with whom some severe issues that would be considered self-contained, but now it's all encompassing whether speech pathology, or our kids with speech needs and I think we've changed it now in the moments following the back. It wake were doing students a disservice for separating them, and the best thing we can do is have inclusion where our kids are in the regular education classes or their doing co-teaching practices that that's where the you don't know the difference between a special ed teacher and a general a teacher because that's important so to talk to the Secretary of Education hi I don't know if there's anything that I would be demanding is just more enlightening that this is that this is important. This is direction to go that our job is to serve all our kids in the regular classroom is much as possible. The least restrictive environment. And that's huge. The only thing that I would probably caution sector of education about is there. The concern word that money now will start to flow of follow kids to different places and there's an example in Colorado the court case was just past the decided last year where I parents sued the public edge of the public school because they felt like there special needs child. Their needs were not being adequately met. The court found work for them and awarded him money to go to a private school that I mean I get that is apparent that you want with absolutely best, but I'm not sure that's always the best for that student. Because that doesn't guarantee they're even going to have a IEP there. So I think we kind of convoluted, dark education system or process that it is taken away from the incredible public education for special-needs children and what is an IEP battle an individualized education plan. Every kid that diagnosis. Special education has IP and I can conclude that team that will silently pee IEP is an IEP succulent exit really are not elected by the people of the subtitles when I go to but our Nickelback though the secondary education is a very strong proponent of charter schools and private schools that that's part of school choice but we have a great we have a great offering for special education in our public education arena.

And that's important. What about the impact it makes for students who don't have special needs to be able to engage with the special needs community in the school situation.

What are some of the positive benefits of people may be missing out on how this can affect students in a in a healthy way for their them emotionally and you know and even careerwise as they look to have some things well II think our students today are so much better prepared and better suited to work with students with special needs. We just did just this morning had a we call the fall games works account of a small on the Special Olympics but is not just for the students. It's for our students to work as mentors and tutors to come out there work with them and that you become a natural flow it's it's easy our kids they can go on now what they graduated they had an opportunity to work with people that they don't have the same skills that has some disadvantages and I think they're better prepared to go out into the workforce are going to their next career because it done so we can have that opportunity going up again if you had someone listen special-needs they were, hidden from others and what a disservice it did to us because we were not blessed by being around those that were delivered disadvantaged. I think it does foster a deeper sense of compassion, awareness of some things and I've I've maintained for some time. The children that are able-bodied and able minded are better served by engaging special-needs families and children because it get it broadens them and helps them but I think it just kind of expands their heart a bit more and I don't think anybody's ever hurt by that I don't think he was hurt by going on the mission field. You know because of what it can do for you and and and grow you as an individual, so I'm glad to see these things going on. If you have a student but we were talking with my brother, Dr. Richard Rosenberger caregiver for more than 30 something years with his daughter who has special needs. Develop mental disabilities and severe physical disabilities as well and he's also superintendent of the school district in South Carolina where were were both from if you have of students. Let's switch gears just a little bit.

But if you have students who have siblings or parents with disabilities.

What are some things that you might want to talk about with them.

Just, you know, I know that you had a situation that was about calling your career where there was a mother that was dying and she wasn't gonna make it to her daughter's graduation. So you had an early commencement so that mother could participate in that. That doesn't got to be very very moving emotional in tough situations but but important ones, and it reflects a heart of an educator that goes beyond the textbook.

Talk about things such as that in and families that are dual because I come from the mentality that you not to list a lot of pastors look at your pews. There those pews are filled with people living in quiet desperation and their doctor necessarily city think and you got so many kids coming into your classrooms all through your district, who were walking and coming out of hard realities. Parents that are struggling with mental illness, addiction, alcoholism, whatever it doesn't matter whatever the impairment physical disabilities or whatever it doesn't matter what the impairment is there's always a family member around a caregiver around that that's being affected by that as well.

And in these kids are coming to school. They don't have a process that the process of alcoholic dad.

They don't know how to process you know a mother with mental illness or things such as that. What are some things that you would love to be able to incorporate it that you do incorporate and how you want for those things while I'm not sure I can tell the difference between whether the parents are having to study or the sibling because I think the one big focus that that family is going to happen.

Will that place.

Well, those people be able to accommodate my needs and I think our job is to continue to make sure to reach out to those vote yes we want you to come out because many people whether it's it's real not have a perception that there will be parking there won't be restaurants and a concomitant meet and honestly that's why you don't see a whole lot of families with special needs in the family attend church because there is a big clear that that church will not be able to accommodate my needs, my child. My parents needs and that your cells absolutely absolutely that they have lots of stairs absolute well when we made the decision.

It doesn't matter will make it work and we can work as a team to do that.

But think about the number of people out there that because of their child because of the system because of the parent.

I'm not going to that function because I will be accommodated. I can't go into that that arena because my child may make noise and people will look at me funny. Are you a you know I don't know if it's all real.

Most of it may be perception, but perception is real to them and I think our job is to continue to reach out. No, no, no, you're invited. This is where you are supposed to be in the parents will call me up and I said I they can come up or meet with me or meet with staff because of their disability. Well you know what, then it's our job to meet with them, wherever that may be or however that may be the end and I think public education does a great job of reaching out to them. But all of us need to do a better job. I mean it if you're you parking becomes an issue and you're trying to go to the event and there's no parking spot within a couple hundred yards up for you: you go to that event and not just a simple one but it's very real to some people think it can be real to us. If you will close at this time here and you been really great to spend time with me on this, but I want you have been really great. You just been really great. I am obligated by the family to say that psychiatric picture that I have. We have a large family. There's five boys about our little sister, and it's it's a loud boisterous group who likes to Josh each other around Richard and I are. We share common bond that we both have logged more than three decades as caregivers, and that's a it's an interesting journey that changes you and it changes the way you look at life changes the way you look at relationships and everything else their families that are just now stepping into this and there they don't they really don't want to. Some of her listing the show with the podcast of the show for the you know they never heard anybody talk like this before. One of the reasons I do the shows to take community to the because I know what that isolation can do to people I know did to me and but you don't spend just a few moments. Take off your educator hat for minute and just put on the dad had of being a caregiver for a long time, and these families that are are just now in the diagnosis of a special needs child of a kid with autism or you know whatever spina bifida there somebody different cerebral palsy or somebody different things going on out there. What are some things that you would like to share with them of just some some ways they can get to safety.

What safety looks like for them while I think better than we've ever had it before. There are so many resources out there for folks and I you know whether I can begin whether cerebral palsy or any kind of disability there's resources, whether it's people or financial resources or just of the kind assistance. And that's our job is to chronic make that connection for people use the word isolation isolation is very dangerous, but we tend to do that because we feel like no one really can help us and no one knows what were going through now I not play the tough guy and I can take care by myself that my wife was wonderful. As far as she sought out those resources and there there again, whether financial, physical assistance or you name it. There never before we have it because there's our country so attend to some art are special needs. We are replacing. Whether it's even for senior parents work for disability in the child, and I think that's the best thing we can say you got asked the right questions you got at the right people but you shouldn't have to walk this thing along to me it is that I've done that and in this once a passion about the show because it I am on the crash test dummies caregiver summing.

I've had ample time to make premature because mistake you can make and you did make a fraction of mistakes I made about the kind of talked about it, you know Say that mom and dad looked at you any better with no eye but even the mistakes.

Okay, I made him then and what can I learn from this.

What can I do about this and how do I deal with the situation from here on out. I cringe over those things. But at the same time, I'm grateful. I have heard phrase of the data come incorporate in my life. I like the way our right now. I like the way I speak about these things I like to wear play the piano. I hate the way I got here doesn't resonate with you. Well you didn't like you did fail quite as much, as I use the word hate.

I wish I wish someone would show me a better map and in that department is my fault. I did not ask for better map because there probably were out there.

Maybe pride take over but just come back that come in again. There are people there.

There is assistant out there is sometimes we get let down our guard a little bit allow them to enter and enter into our world. That's just II know that's difficult we doesn't indent we don't go over to people's health because I'm not sure Wiltshire will get into their houses or they may have steps that have to navigate and you but I can ask and sometimes it is that that that that leap of faith by me asking. I can find that out beforehand and sometimes we just kinda pulled herself inside isolate, like you said, and that's not where we need to be. That doesn't serve us that doesn't serve the person that were trying to care for, well, I have asked you this one more personal questions and I'll wrap this up, but I see this many times right about this. Write a book about this I think will will not have time maybe I'll put some thoughts down.

I have occasion put some of it on paper, but right now I it's just more convenient. I enjoy talk about my daughter.

Well, very proud of her.

I know you are in your always look for the show to talk about it because with things come up. I want you to come back and be a resource for folks who who are really struggling.

I mean, I know I got the calls and people are floundering they get it. Lately they take on resentment when people treat them poorly when they try to do squat have a normal life. I had one lady this resonate with you.

I have one lady that took her kid with autism to get a haircut.

We think we take that for granted, getting a haircut. I doesn't like to have her hair brushed but this kid had a meltdown and think about sharp scissors coming near your head when you have autism McNeil. That's gotta be pre-frightened that kid and the kid just had a meltdown in the parent told me she said I just want have a T-shirt.

All this is don't judge it's autism you know that that hurts you.

You know that because she struggling so much to just just to get through the haircut with the with the child.

That's the reality for special needs families so many times last? I could occupy could keep him more things fire. Let me think I want to know this. One of this when you go out of people stare think such as that because I know they do have you learn to handle that. Have your boys learn handled it well hope that I just stared at me in Gracie and she said there staring at the grace of a well-known personnel. You just get to deal with it is often on the side of the head exactly.

And then I think our job is to educate and you have always asked her boys that he make any comments to anybody make comments and I love my young sons, someone said I'm sorry for you buttresses. Why are you sorry for my sister will are you apologizing because my sister is the policy I hate. He was honored to have a sister that had several policy again and I think the more we get out there in public we can do that.

This is a yes.

What we don't look and act like you. But you know what you don't look and act like a do you still get offended people asked Or Not. I Think That's One of the Best Things We Can Do with It Share That Mean Dottie and I Will like I Knew It Several Policy Was the Day before Several Policy I and Will and You Think about That When What Is That While That's Terrible. The Brain the Cerebral to Bring All This Paralysis Running Paralysis. I Did Not Know That I Just Didn't Think about It until He Had It, but How Many Other People, Other Going What Is Cerebral Palsy Cake and Cheekily Catches from Kelsey That Would Gracie with Erratic Patient Was Patient from about We Laugh about That, but There's a Little Bit Reality and It If I Get Too Close. Is That Going to Rub off on Me and the More We Can Sit There and Help Educate People Say It. This Is Why Would This Is Where We Are. This Is What Were Doing. This Is What Happened or Not, Were Not Ashamed of It Were Very Proud of Kelsey and We Probably Proud That How We and She Handled Her Disability and I Think That the Best Thing We Can.

I Think I Think I Need to Stop There.

I Don't Think I Could Say Anything to Richard except Thank You for Coming on. Take the Time on the Show and I'll Be Sure to Play This for Mom and Dads of the like Me As Much As You Will Get Is My Brother Richard Rosenberger, Dr. Richard Rosenberger, Educator, and You Know What Longtime Caregiving That Continues to Inspire Me and I Appreciate Very Much This Is Hopefully Caregiving to See more@homeforthecaregiver.com.

Thank spend little time with us and trust us with your heart with your situation with caregiver.com help the caregivers.

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