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#400 My Toughest Issue as a Caregiver? Knowing What is Mine ...and Not Mine.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
May 13, 2020 1:37 pm

#400 My Toughest Issue as a Caregiver? Knowing What is Mine ...and Not Mine.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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May 13, 2020 1:37 pm

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 5/9/2020

A reporter once asked me, What's the toughest issue for you as a caregiver?

"Hands down," I replied. "Knowing What is Mine and Not Mine."

All too many times, because I felt out of control, I tried to insert myself into things that were not mine to control (or attempt to control). Is that a common feeling for you as a caregiver? 

We discussed this on the show ...plus we took calls.  Some of these calls are hard to hear, but that's the purpose of this show ...to provide a safe place for people to share these burdens. 

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Come at us so fast seeing all these injustices resort seeing all these things are so painful to watch frustration with angry and that we want to insert ourselves into the story and how's that working for us as caregivers welcomed over the caregiver here on American family radio item Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver if you will be a part of the show. 888-589-8848 eight 858.80 840 and watch the same with Gen. Flynn. I'm watching you how the coronavirus is is taking over with what were doing it. I've watched now this thing in Georgia this come up and there's just so many different scenarios out they were. We see injustice and we see this is just unfair, there's a lot of unfairness and I thought that's a feeling that a lot of caregivers get we we we get that this just unfair. How do we get vindicated in this.

Have you felt like you have been wrongly treated on this on something as you journey through the caregiver is at the through this journey as a caregiver.

Do you feel like that you are somehow being cast as someone who has been wrongly accused, who has been treated poorly through this process and nobody is coming to your defense lot. Caregivers of doubt to feel the sweat I felt this way and there's something about us that just rises up when we see this is just a it is swells up with that is that we want to lash out.

When was it is not right. This is it right. This is not cool, and we are easily tempted to go down the self vindication path, but a lot of times with anger I felt this way. I've gotten into that mindset and I think sometimes that are desire for that type of vindication becomes a lozenge. We, suck on all day long because it just makes us it it keeps us custard up and makes us feel better, or stronger anger and resentment can be a very delicious in and we we can just fester on it and there's a lot injustice in this world. So start off a couple scriptures Proverbs 2022. Don't say I'll avenge that wrong way to the Lord and he will deliver you. Do you find that comforting or frustrating because you like come on Lord and and sometimes things don't get vindicated in in our timeframe and sometimes even this lifetime and it becomes incredibly frustrating because like God where are you hello Lord, but I do. We do we pray that prayer with the sense of the sovereignty of God, or do we pray that prayer with a sense of of indignation at God for not fixing these things and what is our responsibility.

How much are we supposed to put energy was into the wrongs that we see on a regular basis and I look at this thing for example with Gen. Flynn and were watching the news last night and Gracie cafeteria I cannot believe that this is happening in America we have our top law enforcement is is is engaged in these kinds of things that were we had now it looks it looks like those only up to the top and these are concerning things, but how much control do I have in that. What can I do what is my responsibility. Is this my responsibility as the citizens of this country that is my opinion necessary and and these are the questions I feel like is a caregiver. Sometimes I have to wrestle with what is mine and what is not what I've said this for years. It was a member report, a reporter asked me a question sometime ago. This was the hardest thing for you is a caregiver that you know my resume. Those who listen to the show. I have been doing this a long time 34 years.

Gracie said 80 surgeries that I can count hundred doctors of treater and and 12 hospital something this thing is just been going on for years and years and years and years and and we got an issue were dealing with right now.

She just got over the coronavirus, but we get something else going on with one of her legs and that it is just there's always something in this report are simple what what was the greatest challenge you face as a caregiver and I in a moment of clarity was able to answer to know what is mine and what is not mine to fix to know what is mine and not mine to deal with an address and sometimes I think it makes me feel a little bit more powerful if I will take on things that aren't mine in wheeled my opinion into it or if I will irrationally grab a hold of things or at least I cringe when I say this located this just us talking case adult just I just cringe when I say this, but I remember one time coming home. We were at the hospital all day long and a bit of brutal day and and I get home and I'm in the kitchen and it's dinner time and the kids need to eat it, just it was just one of us got a days and Gracie was in a wheelchair at the time and she said would you like me to help fix dinner and I remember just slamming the cabinet door doesn't know I'll do it.

I barked out know I'll do it. I gotta be in control of something you feel that way that you just feel like you're so out-of-control and then we become unreasonable and irrational, bitter, angry people you have been there. I don't know that I'm ever going to be free of that until we get to heaven.

I think that's something that I have to fight against that, I somehow got a be in control of something so what I watch all these injustices going on and I want to insert myself into my have to step back and say okay is this mine to go after what is my role here was my responsibility.

There are a lot of injustices out there and just because I'm being bombarded with a couple of them on the news. Does that mean I need to stay churned up about all these things to the point where I am inserting myself into the story never been involved in the church fight the Reno fight like a church fight and I've had the sad opportunity to do that.

The couple times and see these churches go through splits and I remember a pastor friend of mine was was going to do such a thing, and it was it was it was just such injustice. There and I got very angry with our state angry and I waited into it and I and I spewed for some of these things and at and I wanted to and I was able to take good direction and good insight. But that weapon asked made me feel more powerful it made me feel better. How dearly and and I and it put me in my mind on the on the moral high ground and sometimes all we can do over these things is just grief and mourn over them and trust that God is working in it is hard for you. I was hard for me. I don't know maybe a little more but that's that's not an easy thing for me to know what you think about that. 888-589-8840 885-8988. What is mine and what is not mine and I trust God to right the wrongs that are seen as the wrongs that I don't see my just as outraged about those that are a lot of how to is a caregiver like you.

These are not easy.

This donating to support this ministry for this show email will send a copy. I hope the cure.com 888-589-8840 do you believe that, though, that your life is in your hands and your life is in his a sublease about life is in my hands and that's it.

That's a wrong belief, but we believe that her life is in his hands. Even the injustices that we feel even the things that we feel are are just outrageous that we have been mistreated, maltreated or we see other people dead and we want to somehow jump to that you know this. The sense of spiritual and emotional.

Vigilante is that is this our responsibility. I look at this thing in Georgia that there is no excuse for this. There is no provision for for what happened to this young man and we have you know but but but I see a picture of myself in that in that somehow I've got to somehow go out and write what I think is wrong or do things that I think is necessary and and and I don't care what this guy was doing.

There is no excuse for what they did with these two men didn't shoot this guy down in that since there were there was nothing like that.

He was did that that there was no there's no provision for that in Georgia law like Abraham was the same on the show prior mine and in the world waiting for all the facts and everything to come out. But the point is is that people are trying to insert themselves. The things out of their own bitterness of their own hatred at whatever and and in real life people getting hurt and I look at this thing with the FBI and and they just got mad because they there there candidate didn't win election and so they have westernized where they were in the FBI to turn on these things and what general plan of whatever trump it didn't matter whether you like Trump or don't like Trump when you weapon as the, the FBI in intelligence gathering service and is in this country to accomplish your own sense of what you think is right bad things are going to happen, but we see that on the news, but less but but but if it gets close to home and personalize them. We weapon us things I have been guilty of weapon arising of the word of God. I've received blows from people who've weapon as the burger baby, you have two people come up and just wanted just bludgeon you with Scripture or an immense amount castigates you because you don't have enough faith in your love would be healed if it your all these kinds of things happen. These are not picnics are not pleasant things to deal with and and there out there and they're happening on a regular basis of asking you is a caregiver dealing with this.

What do you struggle with in this thing. Is this something you feel comfortable even talk about it. I go back to what I did what I did that night. You know, I slammed the kitchen door to kitchen the cabinet door and said, you have got to be in control.

Something do do I need to be in control of something that's embarrassing for me to say that I cringe when I thought I recall that but I guess I keep seeing myself doing the same thing where I want to insert myself in an end in a form of control to make myself feel better because I feel so out of control and we trust that God is going to work through it.

Do we trust that God is going to deal with the do we do we know what our responsibility is in this and these are hard questions may be. Maybe it's something you you struggle with may be something you've come to some measure of peace and understanding about will be glad to talk about that. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840.

Let's go to Joni and Texas Joni good morning Harry, feeling good morning, how are you I'm here for, well, I am mildly thinking frisky but tell me how you feeling it.

Let me let me preface this before I get involved. I am very shy. I wanted to go while I I've only been listening to your show January.

I do not have computer access your email access server you tubing streaming television. I can have this on the radio thought never even seen the show until I found it by accident used to people finding is by accident basically comes her way out. I'd like to hear listening. I couldn't quite know how to approach this, but I have a lot a yes is for what you were just hanging in and I thought well maybe I did call on the right day I lost my mother to Parkinson.

You touched on that on one year shows. I don't want my comments to be all downers.

Well, real quickly and what you were just saying what is mine and what is not mine. What you take. Yes sir. There is a lot of unfairness in this. Yes, and I guess it does promote anger and I get pushed into a corner. I like the comment about the guard hands is holding on dark scary hands.

Yes sir. That is why I'm shying, trying to be brave.

I don't want to be scared.

I netted pain when you made the comment and one year shows about waffle house covered mother and can't yes sir. You made me hungry. That's one of my favorite meals in the whole world. I believe it will be seriously people delight waffle house at low levels so that 100 thing where you headed that day and I thought I better call I I'd love will sadly I live a long ways from it is Joni or Johnny Canadian Joni Joni I do appreciate very much your calling and very much eliciting glib up to the show would listen calling, tell me what you know, there's nothing to be afraid of is just you and me and I don't know how many you know, maybe the people listening, but whatever's on your mind and I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself and I'm sorry for the journey ahead with your mother through Parkinson's and but I do appreciate you being the audience and appreciate you listening cannot now put out on that with very enlightening and lighthearted to kind of break the monotony ability when I listen to a really good time.

As you will have access to computer but on the podcast I did a full hour long interview with Jeff Foxworthy and his wife that is out of our podcast. Hopefully caregiver.com. Glad to see that and subscribe to free podcast, but you will have computers and so forth can't do that. I'm sorry you can't maybe apply clips of it on the show.

Jeff and from long time and I had a month for the whole showed it was just really good shoe will Joni I gotta run to thank you so much for the call. It really means a lot and will just keep try to put some comedians out here for you too can help breakups of that to appreciate the call.and Diane and Texas Diana good morning, how are you feeling good morning God bless you, your great what's on your money on your trigger for your brother and hand and he's in the facility would sometimes go along with that right in your reference to what is mine and what is my brother in February but neglected and abused. I want you in course: ambulance to ER.

He is in the hospital and was admitted right away hundred and 3.9 feet.

Once I complete and are praying the first week you know mom let me have one more game. Don't take him now, we lost on for spiritually shifting on special needs. My guardian angel is not take life for granted the labs, all we print 89 when the conscience even for time and named him South and I sent my about everybody causing back on God knows your name. Yes, Diane calls me Ali it with the why God's next miracle I think you and you are you on my guardian angel you will not do the diet without guidance. We got a run to bring Lily just insert this through quickly and he's not your guarding a guardian angel you have a safe know what you saved me briefly in your loss in the studios with no shortening and all of us this morning to go to bring some of her take the time to call you. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 were talked about this morning.

What is mine and what is not mine to fix what is my response was this a concern, as is the responsibility do I come at this thing with the sensitive I am going to impose my sense of justice on this or do I stand firm and watch the leading of the Holy Spirit through this do I have a responsibility to stand up and say something and if so, do I do it with righteous indignation, or in my case a lot of self-righteous indignation. You know it's in these are hard things and there's a lot of tension of what is what what what are we supposed to do here.

You know how how do we respond this, how much control do I have in this do I need to do our him I really needed in this situation. I look at this thing. For example, general flip. I don't think anybody is watching this with any kind of objectivity.

It's not say and sensing that there were some real injustice done and that there saying that the FBI overreached and and you get leaders at the FBI that were you weapon rising. Our justice system to to create a political jumping to force a political agenda.

I don't think anybody's is looking at that with any kind of clear objectivity, thinking while this is a good thing without do we have a responsibility in that other than to vote and to say something to the powers that be in the legislators but do we have it is our opinion needed on the evening news and and and I think that's for me. I find myself wanting to insert myself into these things as almost this is kind of a distraction make me feel better about things that I don't have control over, and I've come to understand that as a caregiver by the only things I really have control over my thoughts, my words and my deeds and all those things out of control and my trying to somehow self inflate and imbibe it. Our people treating me poorly and do I need to stand up for my own defense did these are all the hard questions of me as a caregiver. I know there are people in this audience right now who have been cursed at, while caring for someone and you want to lash out you you frustrated your angry and in all of these things you don't know how to respond to it. Then there are situations where you you are involved in. You feel obligated to take care somebody in that obligation turns to resentment and then you want to lash out at that. What is mine and what is not mine. How we live peacefully. This will we see all these things, what we do do we do we march on Washington with pitchforks and torches do we do we run to every battle that we see something going on because there's a lot of injustice in this world, how we live in a world that is so broken.

How we trust God in this that I can look at Scripture. After Scripture verses Nome Psalm 94, 1320 Lord, the God of vengeance of God avenges. Let your glorious justice Sharon forth arise, O judge of the earth give the proud what they deserve. Obviously, David the psalmist is feeling these kinds of things and and I Deuteronomy 32, 35, to me, belongs vengeance and recompense their foot shall slide in due time for the day of their calamity is at hand and the things that shall come upon them, make haste. Romans 1219 dear friends, never take revenge leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scripture say I will take revenge. I will pay them back since the Lord saw a Proverbs 2022. Don't say all the things that wrong wait on the Lord, he will deliver you do that wasn't even look like there this. These are things that that there's there's always attention to me. How do you deal with that when you see these things. Hebrews 1030 for we know him who said it is mine to avenge, I will repay it again. The Lord will judge his people.

And yet that tension rises up it is that we want to lash out when we see these injustices done. These are hard things 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 Brendan Alabama Brenda good morning, how are you great. I love you so think it not only for never being climbs even through childhood name was close to me nor my printer and she grew up and she was molested by my Danny, and he tried not with that we would lighting so I don't know she blamed for that that we didn't know anything about it that way.

Later in affect that I've tried and tried to do for get along and all that off and on through the years she just fell off and coming go away. Now my husband we were married 11 years after care ethics leak at 17 and non-me before he died he said I will go see your sister because he didn't like it that we want clarity since early settlers and college and she said I guess you can come over and I was really untidy so we went over there and at their home and everything was just like it was back in the 70s heads that he was mainly never even through the fifth and never gave her anything that she was mentally work and found her home had the same thing that I gave her back and her band had wire sticking within it and now she had come to the dollar store and got a crate down and it just broke my heart she had thought facet around whether closed-circuit furniture had broke and so my husband said let's get her some stuff okay so I had a brother in Satan we were talking about buying a new one and so I think you would give her my bedroom. Sadie said sure that we did on the fixed upper house and changed her bathroom and all that stuff and after we got Trish come has been so reached out to her the other day with this trauma I pay to her daughter, trying to find out if she's okay but there's no way to talk to were not in our phone numbers changed in the nylon 67 by matching this cannot get a lot issues, health issues and in the battle you want to yell about family get along with family and all that we do with that. When you find God having to I don't want him tell me you didn't do this you know that I've tried everything. Even my brother is in England and I get along great and we had our times that it might mostly with my ex-husband doing things to be mad at me about it but anyway he reached out to her and she told him if he talked to Brenda and I have nothing to David and he fell out (do not give Brenda and so he had he not had any contact so that's my question to you in relation like that or do I do I will. I don't know that I'm qualified to certain I'm not qualified to tell you what to do, but I can tell you a couple 61 of them is your sister is very very broken and you didn't break that responsibility lies upon your father. He did this, you did not and he did it because he was broke and there's so much brokenness here and it's beyond your ability to fix your here 67. I would imagine your sister how Lucy is 70 mL year you don't have the ability to fix what is happened to her and what is happened or may not, in fact most likely will not be fixed this side of heaven.

There some things in this world that are just not going to get unbroken and eat it. In many respects. I look at your sister emotionally.

What happened to her and physiologically. But mostly what happened to her what I think of my wife, Gracie, with all of her broken, but she slanted a concrete abutment and it broke her up orthopedically just wrecked her body.

When you have a trauma of the level of what your sister hit. It is life altering trauma that will Gracie said 80 surgeries and they still hadn't got this think they can put it back together. She said some of the best surgeons work on that, like was happy dear sister. She slanted the something that is so big that is so painful that is so over the top there enough surgeons to fix this and at this age of her life that probably you know the what you've done is by giving her a bit in a bedroom suit that may be all that you can do Brenda you're not in, like you said you're not in the best of health yourself and you've done what you can do you can send her notes. You could talk to her daughter and that's probably a good place for your direction is to have a frank conversation with your daughter be with her daughter with your niece and and and and and send her a note and invest your hard in her because you know what your niece is broken as well and she's been raised in this environment, and she sees all these things doesn't mean you give up on your sister. It is an indicator that you don't need to torture yourself was somehow thinking that you got to right this wrong because you can't it's too big for you. It's just too big for you but it's not too big for you for you to write these things down and to speak the gospel into your niece's life in a way that she can understand the process. It may filter to your sister may not with this is one of those times where you step out of the boat. He literally is difficult, but out of faith somehow offer what you can and understand that God knows your sister stay knows what happened. I don't understand how it works. All this into his purpose. Scripture tells me the start with your niece.

Okay well I'm for minimum wage and limited abilities of doing okay, it looks good on you. My day day you he went back and I would situation my hunt, my mother-in-law my picture line. The primary caregiver to my mother-in-law, and every time my husband and I or even my brother-in-law like to try to step in and help you know we always were rebuking them why we didn't do it.

I love about a block. We never could do anything right in my paternal five I called you. He gave me committed by a youth advisor and it had completely transformed that relationship offering to help our mother-in-law. We started offering to help my sister-in-law. What can we remember that conversation to write and one we did cooling lately.

I go actual thing within a media re-eval where she would like you can appreciate if you could do this I mean that there is no other way to say other than it with an immediate golf is what you can do to help.

So in that opened up a relationship or strengthen the relationship through the sister-in-law and now we have more access to the mother-in-law the matter nonalcoholic more often and she acknowledges out. Thank you so much for what you do for Rhonda Blaha blocking out for her daughter and she really appreciate me it is just like I said a complete transformation that is very meaningful to hear that his instance really awesome to hear that in and then thank you for for trusting me with your family's payment and loudest just kind of bang around some ideas.

You're on the show and see if we can't let this thing from a different direction sometimes is what it takes it at the takes it for me. I have to have people I go to say okay let him what we through this you will learn about when my I'm hit this brick wall. What by doing this they will punch you try going around this way so I'm glad to hear that you really do appreciate it.

Already Marianne Alabama Mary good morning, how are you feeling morning Aileen left this morning.

I can say not for the I'm grateful for the day. Every day is a gift everything for I went to thank you, you show that I'm actually fitting in front of the dealership getting ready and on the radio line and I was enjoying year commentating in your prayers and your everything you may think that the different people that have been calling. I spoke to the gentleman prior and that you questions and I told him I just I live with the US which is sometimes frustration and what I call he because I do always that way sometimes. I guess I care. I'm caregiver had been out for little over 10 years for my mom 99. Love her big cat absolutely.

She just my world and I I am holding on pretty well most days I work every day and she's really able and capable, and that the book that the greatest blessing right there and if you that I get my concern for myself and little or nothing really I think, but I do have concern, which is sometimes I have no outlet because I work all day, as I feigned and I come home the next night every day, but I also realized that for this purpose I was created and I feel that really, deeply, my you know I felt like the Lord shared that will let the stock if this is you were not created to be a caregiver only love 85 and 84 so very well truth. You may have to be caregiver. You may may ask in the time being a caregiver to may be part of your day-to-day life that your purpose is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Okay hello that is the latest catechism number one of the shorter catechism. The Westminster confession of faith you are designed to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Now for a lengthy season in your life you may be caregiver. I been doing for 34 years how you purposes something different now. Once you establish that okay Lord. This is where you have placed me and I will glorify you in this can be doing that that's the question we all have. Can we glorify him to matter where we are to matter what were doing and so this thing as far as an outlet for you. What do you enjoy doing.

I like to travel wicked heart right now, obviously, but when I go through so many hoops, so to speak. I think it will write right now, nobody's doing a whole lot of traveling. So what else before now, but the court but right now I can but it might. What else do you do you like music you like painting you like Gardner I would love to be able to hit you know different places in town around town. I like the ball lovable good movie as a calm chick flick love story. Something in or or something leaves the last time you sent out and watched a movie every day. You know what Celeste up Woods last time you did something you enjoy doing just with you, not with well yeah no I often the bowling alleys are open right now in Alabama. What do right now.

Peter really you know my whole deal would basically I guess we never, you know, and I get that there's nothing I can do right now I hate that that's happening here is that the reason could lead to these visitors the time you in this moment today, there are things that you can do for you right now, they may just be just up the walk just walk around the block. Stay 6 feet away from anybody else.

Wash hands, thing but still it may be somewhat that it may be listening to some music, watching a movie by yourself but your mom to bed you watch a movie that didn't bring her no way can do anything you seem angry with her for she didn't take my time. You know when I come home from work I what time you come a moment wish you would have it like it is also yeah it's clearly it is very difficult until a 99-year-old woman that she needs to still be quiet until a 99-year-old woman pretty much anything you may have to you may have to get creative to get some space from her but she will get angry. She still get mad she can do whatever she could do, but the here's the deal. If you don't have some cut outlet for your soul, then she's going to have a bitter caregiver that she out and I don't understand she's she's probably not understand she's probably not a care that 99 she's problem here much, but it is not. It is not her happiness at your expense. Your job is not character happy. Okay to get ahead happy the same shoe.

She gets mad in but your job is not to make her happy and you can attach a little bit from that and go in just come to catch her breath a little bit and it may take will it's you I am not to tell you what you can do because I don't know what you can do, but I can tell you that it is okay for you to do it. It's okay. You don't have to ask her permission and that's kind of where and when. I appreciate you so very much will appreciate you listening appreciate you.

Trust me with this very very much for the call to mind something today that you can do that feed your soul.

You will all say Wilson says we got to get a royalty and coincides something that feature so changes your oil, not just a car so that your know I'm going to call this Rose murdered Mrs. over the caregiver see more and hopefully caregiver.com site for podcast books.

There is music there is TO think that if you get all because they that I would like to decipher that will try to explain the caregiver.com see


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