"We're Not Looking for Easy ...We Just Don't Want Crazy!"

Caregivers suffer from three I's.

We lose our independence, we become isolated, and we lose our identity. And that's why we do the show, is to speak to those three things, particularly the latter two. I want to help caregivers understand, number one, they're not alone, that they're not isolated, that they're not separated from everyone. It feels like that. It really does. And so we're going to take community to you.

That's why we do the show. I want you to hear a friendly voice who has been there, done that, got the scars, and is blazing a trail for others to be able to travel this a little bit smoother. I didn't have a national radio show when I was doing this starting out. I became a caregiver when I was 22. I didn't have all this. But I've aggregated a lifetime of experiences to help, things I've learned to help you and myself better navigate the future stuff that's coming down the path.

I'm still doing this. And on any given day, my situation is not as dire as some, and on any given day, my situation is more dire than most. Gracie lives with a lot of stuff, man. I mean, she deals with a lot of real serious challenges.

Now, we've learned to navigate through these things where we're not just over here just groaning and whining all the time. My wife, anybody that knows her knows that, man, this is a woman who loves life. And by the way, Jon, I can't give any details today, but I will soon. She's getting in the studio next week. And we've already laid down the track. She did kind of a scratch vocal. And she's doing this with a very, very, very cool artist. The two of them are doing a duet together.

Oh, right on. And let me tell you something. I was watching her sing. I don't think she's ever sounded better. I mean, she's just got this richness to us where she's really kind of found that place in her life where she sings and she owns what she sings about. And it's beautiful to watch. And we'll debut the song on the show.

I promise you we will. That's the advantage of having your own show. And so, and speaking of just a little programming note, one of my favorite guests we've ever had on the show, and I loved him as a comedian before I ever started doing the show, Jeff Allen. He's coming back. Right on.

And be at the end of this month. And he's out on his tour right now that is just hilarious. I mean, this guy is just so funny. And I want to start introducing more comedians and people who are not working out their angst on stage, but just are able to see the funny side of life in the midst of sometimes great sorrow. And they are able to offer that lifeline of humor to others. I think that's really important for us as caregivers is that we learn to lighten up a little bit. That's the only way Gracie and I've been able to make it. We've cried enough tears, but do we laugh enough?

I don't think so. And so that's one of the things we want to do on the show. And that brings me to a letter that I just received from a listener. And I saw it. It really broke my heart. And the show is this listener's opportunity just to kind of listen.

They use this as a time for just to decompress from the stuff that they deal with. You've got a seven-year-old with special needs, but also this individual had a father that was disabled and had chronic pain for many, many years and was on a good bit of painkillers and was sent to the store to pick up the prescription when she was 22. And the pharmacist said, it's not ready yet.

It'll be a couple of days. And so she went home empty-handed. And her father was so distraught that he ended up taking his life later that night. And it was, as you can imagine, just a horrific event.

And the chronic pain that her father was dealing with, plus the dependence on painkillers, took her father into some very dark places. And as caregivers, and the reason I share this, I want to be very careful not to expose anybody for this, but I want to say to that individual, and I wrote them back, but I also want to say to those who are in any way living with this kind of stuff right now, and these kinds of events happen, I'm asking you to take a leap of faith that this is not on you. This is not on you. You're dealing with forces that are way beyond your ability. And if somebody makes this type of decision, I beg of you, please detach yourself from owning that because you didn't do it.

Now here are some things that we can do. Now we can't guarantee results, but what we can do is we can commit ourselves to speaking life and hope into people's lives who are dealing with these kinds of things. And maybe they're medically dependent, which is far different than being addicted, but it still has a lot of the same properties on an individual. Maybe they are. Maybe they are in a deep place of depression.

Maybe you are as well. And it's going to be very difficult for you to speak life and hope into someone else's situation if you're not, if you don't have any yourself. You can't give what you don't have, what you don't lean on. And so I'm asking you to back away from this and raise your hand and get some help for you. If you have somebody in your life who is taking any type of behavior altering chemicals, whether under doctor's care or doing it illicitly, I don't care which one, no matter what the reason is or the impetus is, I'm asking you to get help for you, to help you deal with this, whether it's through a 12 step recovery program like Al-Anon and things such as that, whether it's going to counseling, please get help for you. There are lots of licensed mental health counselors. Now, don't go to a life coach for this one.

Okay. God bless life coaches, but this is beyond their scope. You really need a trained mental health professional.

Now that could be somebody that's a licensed clinical social worker or mental health counselor or psychologist, psychiatrist, but somebody who is licensed, who has really taken the time and somebody that's not fresh out of the school. And speaking from personal experience, I might be saying a little bit too much. If the first one doesn't jive with you, shop around a little bit. This is not doctor shopping like that. No, no.

You are free to get up and move around. And there are lots of people out there that can help you. And it may not be the right fit. And it may not be the support group you go to may not be the right fit at first.

You may have to try a couple of things. Don't fight with it trying to force the issue, but glean what you can and then move to the place that best suits your needs. And when I say they don't need to be right out of the factory, you're going to have to have somebody with a little bit of experience on this, but not a little bit, a lot of bit.

Because God love the ones coming right out of school. Yeah, because they're going to be the ones in the future that, and they have to get experience somewhere. And if it happens to work out, it happens to work out. But maybe take a look at somebody with an experience.

Yeah, with a little bit of age on them, a little long in the tooth for this. And be relentless in protecting yourself. Be relentless in recognizing how important this is to you. If you're dealing with somebody who has a mental illness, same thing.

See, a lot of times caregivers make this mistake. We think that if we can get someone to stop behaving in a way that makes us uncomfortable or that's causing us pain, then we'll be okay. The absence of pain is not necessarily healing. And it's going to take a long time to unravel certain things. You didn't get here overnight. You're not going to get out overnight.

And you become conditioned to these things. And so what I'm asking you to do is if you don't see it yourself, take the advice of someone who has been down some dark roads and get some help. Get some help. And, you know, you may say, well, they're not abusing drugs.

They're under doctor's care and they're doing these things. My wife doesn't abuse drugs. She never has. But she took an awful lot of them.

She'd be the first to tell you this. And that can take the patient and the caregiver down a dark path. The chemistry of your body does not care whether it's under a doctor's care or not.

It doesn't matter. And we can debate the nature of addiction or substance dependency all day long. But we do know chemically there are things that happen after you take these things at high doses for long periods of time and your body becomes dependent on them, whether or not a doctor has told you it's okay to do it. Drink six Red Bulls and see if your behavior changes. Well, I mean, and I'm being absurd because I can. But think about this. If you if you drink a bunch of Red Bull, what's that going to do to your behavior? Well, and now that's just that's just something you could just buy in the grocery store.

Yeah. And then tomorrow you're probably going to have to drink six and then seven. And then, you know, who knows? Because it doesn't work as well because the chemistry doesn't care whether it's legal or not or whether it's ethical or not. It just does it to you. But how does that affect your behavior and then your relationships? All right. And you you've I'm asking you to please respect what this is doing to you. Respect the trauma that's being done to your own heart, because the healthier you become, the better equipped you're going to be able to be to your loved one when the darkness overcomes them so much that they are even at that cliff of making very, very dangerous decisions. And I'm also asking you to to secure things in the home. Make sure that firearms are secured. If you've got an addiction, a medical dependency, if you've got any type of behavior altering chemicals being introduced over a long period of time like that or any short term, make sure that firearms are properly secured in the home. If you don't know how to do it, ask somebody for some help to come over safety and secure the weapons.

All right. We talk about taking car keys away from folks, but what about shotguns? And for those of you who are out there right now that are pastors that are listening or church leadership of any kind and somebody in your congregation has a substance abuse problem or addiction issue, would you please ask that question?

Are the firearms secured? If there's a diagnosis of Alzheimer's or any kind of dementia, would you ask that question? If somebody is battling severe depression, would you ask the question? You know, why not?

Let's let's let's practice safety here. And don't think for one moment that when the funeral comes, then you'll be OK, because even death doesn't stop the long term impact of these things. And you as a caregiver deserve to have a fighting chance at being healthier. Would you would you take advantage of that? Go visit a 12 step recovery program today.

Call up, look online. They're out there everywhere. If you're dealing with somebody with a drug, Narconon or Al-Anon or all those kinds of things, they're out there and they're free. What have you got to lose hanging around a bunch of people struggling to wrap their minds around something they can't control and building each other up in that? What have you got to lose?

Keep listening to this show. I take very as goofy as John and I are and we are. We take very seriously the fact that we may be the only person in your life right now that is willing to speak specifically to that level of heartache. And I take that very seriously. I know what it feels like to be floundering.

I know it in ways that I hope many of you never have to know. And I'm asking you to please respect the trauma that's being done to your heart and to your body. And raise your hand and ask for help. You do not have to go down. You do not have to be destroyed by this.

You don't. There is a path to safety. It's not an easy path. Never is. But easy is not our goal here. We're not looking for easy. We just don't want crazy. And what we do to ourselves sometimes is crazy. We push ourselves to reckless extremes.

It's time to change plans here. Let's give you a fighting chance at safety. For you being healthier. Not trying to make everybody happy.

You're as happy and miserable as you choose to be. But I'm hoping I can point you to healthiness. Because healthy caregivers make better caregivers.

This is Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. 800-688-9522. 800-688-9522. We'll be right back.