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And this next one is about a really serious subject and one that affects So many millions of American families And we're talking about Alzheimer's disease. and my friend Chuck Stetson in the Stetson family office. Does such terrific work in this area, and we're doing so many really strong health stories in partnership. with the Stetson family office. And this is one he just kept coming at us with.
And just said, you've got to tell this story, you've got to call this lady. And so today we bring you the story of Meryl Comer. She is an Emmy Award-winning reporter. She was one of the first women in the early 80s to host a nationally syndicated debate show, but about twenty years ago Meryl's husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Here is her story.
The man I live with is not the man I fell in love with and married. He has slowly been robbed of something we all take for granted. the ability to navigate the mundane activities of daily living. Daying. shaving, dressing, and using the bathroom.
His inner clock is confused and can't be reset. His eyes are vacant and unaware, as if an internal windowshade veils our access. Before I grasped what was happening, I was hurt and annoyed by my husband's behavior. Those feelings dissolved into unconditional empathy. once I understood the cruelty of his diagnosis.
Early onset Alzheimer's disease. He was 58. At first, I ran interference and fought for him because it was the right thing to do. He was slipping out of control, confused. childlike.
and helpless. his social filter stripped away. He shadowed me because I was familiar and safe. even when he could no longer remember my name. I always loved him, but during our marriage he was often aloof and unreachable.
In illness, unlike in health, He made me feel needed and important to him. Neither a scientist nor a neurologist, I have spent close to two decades. trying to decipher what's going on in my husband's head. How hard and unfair it is for such a smart man to lose pieces of his intellect and independence. His disease is my crossword puzzle.
Harvey has long forgotten me. but I am constant as his co-pilot and guardian. I bear the burden of all decisions for us both. The demons and terror of his world define mine. I play into his reality and pretend that his fate and our life together are not doomed.
Unfortunately, I know better. Alzheimer's distorts and destroys shared memories that bind family ties. Caregivers are not unlike victims who survive a hurricane. and find ourselves sifting through the rubble to rescue faded, storm-drenched photos or sentimental objects. We piece together what's left of our past.
and struggle to put down building blocks for the future. I need to make some sense of my journey through this storm. My bookshelf is lined with tomes on dementia care. Yet the page I need always seems to be missing. Each brain unravels in its own quirky and idiosyncratic way.
I have learned firsthand that there is no single solution to taking care of someone with dementia. Many times, personal stories involving Alzheimer's gloss over the unseemly details of care. They're written as love stories of unquestioned devotion. or living memorials to honor someone during better times. Why not?
As spouses and caregivers, We deserve to do whatever works for us. It's our version of pain management. But I never wanted to embellish or soften the edges around the truth. It does not do justice to the cruelty of the disease. I offer you my own experiences from a position of hard-won humility.
I hope you will thread them with your own. When I say I have cared full-time for Harvey and our home all these years, Many ask me why. Even now, there is always an initial reflex that makes me want to say, Do I really need to explain myself after all I've been through? I realize that the question is a natural one, a human one, a social one. The interlocutors are not judging me, but rather vicariously checking themselves.
In questioning me, They're testing their own capacity to deal with the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease. and the potential impact it might have. on their relationship with a partner or parent. When people hear my story, they sometimes tell me they wouldn't make the same choices. I do not hold myself up as an example to follow.
No one who has ever been on the front lines of care ever questions. When someone says, I can't do this anymore. But I do want to be part of the last generation of caregivers trapped by a loved one's diagnosis, an absence of disease-modifying therapies. and a troublesome lack of quality care options. Mm.
When it comes to Alzheimer's, caregivers are frequently too worn out or isolated to protest. Perhaps this is why advocacy around the disease has often lacked the passion. and energy that characterized the cancer in HIV AIDS communities. But how will people understand if we don't tell our stories without apology? Alzheimer's disease today affects a reported 5.4 million people in the United States.
and 44 million worldwide. Like a stealth invader, it is quietly dementing aging populations globally while pushing past cancer. and HIV AIDS as the most critical public health problem of our time. Every 68 seconds, Another of us falls victim. Yet 50% of those with dementia Never get diagnosed.
There is not a single FDA-approved drug that actually slows the progression of Alzheimer's disease. There have been too many failed late-stage clinical trials with promising drugs that seem to work. until it became clear they did not.
Sometimes I think we'd be better off if Alzheimer's disease was a brand new emergency. Instead of a century-old threat to which we had somehow become ignored. Perhaps people would understand that when it comes to this disease, Everyone is a stakeholder. because everyone is at risk. There are also 15 million caregivers just like me.
Unintended victims. and not among the official cult. Add to our legions those caring for loved ones young and old, with diseases of the brain, traumatic brain injuries, and other chronic diseases complicated. by a memory disorder. We speak the same language.
Our numbers amplify the collective pain. that makes it impossible for me to rest. The only way to minimize the effect of Alzheimer's disease is to get out in front of it. delay its onset or even reverse. It's devastation of the mind.
We need to move toward early diagnosis. and study adults who do not yet show symptoms. People? Like you and me. Such a decision entails hard personal choices, risks.
and emotional discomfort. It means demanding safe and clinically valid genetic tests. that let us learn if we are at a higher risk. forgetting Alzheimer's disease. It requires managing our lives and choices.
under the shadow of the possibility of disease. Those of us who are 50 years or older must stop viewing ourselves as ageless. All of us should track our cognitive health. just as we do cholesterol levels or blood pressure. I write for all of us who are still well.
but have seen the devastation of Alzheimer's disease firsthand. The emergency is with us and in us. I write to clinicians. reluctant to diagnose because they can't effectively treat. Please know the inadvertent trauma you inflict on families, left confused, hurt, and helpless.
Then time runs out on the ultimate conversation with our loved ones. about end of life wishes. Their minds are erased. It's simply too late. I write to reach the generation of our adult sons and daughters.
Who struggle to understand our lives as we care for a loved one with Alzheimer's? They stand on the precipice. and wrestle with issues and decisions. similar to the ones we've faced. They deserve better options and not the bankrupting burden of our care.
This is not the legacy we want for our children. or the way any of us wish to be remembered. I write for my grandchildren. Because no matter how hard I tried, Alzheimer's blanketed my home with sadness. I know that loving each of them unconditionally has been my salvation.
One day. I hope they'll read these words. and appreciate my choices. As I write these words, a faint glow fills the room I share with Harvey. He is always present.
even though he is absent. There is an intimacy in our isolation. Nonetheless, I am willing to open the door to our room. in the hope that you will find a way inside. Only then.
Will my story be worth the pain of its telling? Harvey's Story and His Bride's. Meryl Comer. Here on Our American Stories. There's nothing like sinking into luxury.
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Subject to approval in available locations. Welcome to the W, where elite athletes are redefining the game of basketball. From buzzer beating shots, dog-dropping defense, and logo threes, the WNBA delivers non-stop action and world-class talent every game. These athletes don't just play the game, they elevate it. The biggest stars, the brightest age.
ATT WNBA All-Star 2025 comes to Indianapolis July 18th through 19th. Tune into the game July 19th at 8:30 p.m. Eastern Time on ABC. Homes.com has collaboration tools to help home shoppers search, share, and discuss home shopping with family, friends, and their agent directly through the site. Though it was fun to get that email from your husband about that three-bedroom in the hills, to which you replied via text that you would never live in the hills and you'd like to find a three-bedroom closer to the beach.
To which he replied, why are you so uncompromising? A fun way to spend an afternoon, but we think it's just a tad bit easier our way. Homes.com. We've done your homework. This is an iHeart podcast.
