Godly Friendships, Part 1

Dr. Michael Yusef familiarizing you with what's ahead on this episode of Leading the Way.

At the end of a long work day, true fulfillment doesn't come by way of a generous paycheck or even pride that you squeezed in that quick workout before dinner. Happiness comes through relationships. And today on Leading the Way, Dr. Yusef begins a series called Godly Friendships. This will help adjust your perspective on what's really important.

So listen with me as Dr. Michael Yusef begins this episode of Leading the Way. Psychology today surveyed 40,000 Americans to ask what qualities they value most in friends. Number three they said warmth and affection.

Number two they said they're looking for loyalty. But you know what number one desperate need among the people for friends to be? Keeping confidences. Keeping confidences. No wonder people prefer pets than friends.

They're going to keep confidence all right. Ain't going to tell nobody anything. Ancient Egyptian records show us that the highest title known in the courts of the pharaohs was that title that could be translated literally the one friend. Literally the one friend.

And this is a designation that was reserved only for one person. One person who gained the loyalty, who has the confidence. One person who may be willing to die for the pharaoh.

Somebody who pharaoh could trust completely with his life. Before we can even begin to know what it means to be or have that one friend. We must know the character of the one friend who sticks to you closer than a brother. Because without him life would have been void of meaningful friendships. Without him the emptiness and the loneliness would dry up the joy of godly friendships that we are meant to have.

I want to begin where the Bible begins. When God created Adam. He said it's not good for Adam to be alone. So God gave him Eve. And for some time Adam had a perfect relationship with God. But also Adam had a perfect relationship with Eve. But then when sin came and penetrated the heart of Adam and Eve.

What happened? Not only that Adam became alienated from God. But he became alienated from Eve too. But there on the cross of Calvary when Jesus Christ hung there on the gibbet. He made it possible for all who believe in him to be in fellowship with God the father. And to be in fellowship with one another. Godly friendships are the evidence of our belonging to the one friend. The Lord Jesus Christ. I want you to hear me right please. This is important.

It is vitally important. Godly friendships are not found. They are made. Godly friendships don't just happen.

They are built stone by stone by stone. Godly friendships don't just occur. They are established on biblical principles. And I want to tell you next to the Lord Jesus Christ the one friend those of us who are married your spouse ought to be next. I want you to turn with me please to John 15 beginning at verse 12. And as you are turning in your Bibles to verse 12 let me tell you about the first 11 verses of that chapter.

In the first 11 verses I'll summarize it for you. We have the blueprint of our relationship with Jesus Christ. The blueprint for the Christian life.

Just as the branch says Jesus can only thrive by the nutrients that it gets from the vine. So all the believers can draw their very life when they allow Christ to live within them. Now there's so much junk going on about God living within you. I want to tell you Jesus lives within you means that he is the Lord of your mind. That he is the Lord of your heart. That he is the Lord of your emotions. That he is the Lord of your decision making. That he is the Lord of your life.

That's what it means. And that is the first and all important restoration with those who believed in Jesus Christ abide in the vine. The relationship with God the Father has been restored. And then Jesus goes on to say in the next passage is that the only evidence for us to know that that relationship with God the Father has been restored is that we love one another. The evidence of that restored relationship with God.

There in verses 12 to 17. How do I know that I love God? By loving God's people.

How does the world know that we belong to God? By loving one another. How do I nurture that love for people?

By staying connected to the vine. Let me tell you something. When I'm not able to love the unlovable I know there's something wrong in my relationship with the vine. You say to me can you really say that you love everybody unconditioned all the time?

I would be lying to you if I say that. Why? Because when sin tried to impact my life. When the devil tried to attack me and my love for Jesus Christ grow a little colder.

I want to tell you my love for the unlovable goes very cold. And the only way that you can love people is when you abide in the vine. That's what Jesus is saying. Look at verse 10.

It makes it very clear. If you keep my commandments you abide in my life. Someone said that in some way the Christian life is like a crossword puzzle. Now I don't fool around with crossword puzzles. I can't spell my name so I don't fool around with them.

But a crossword puzzle is not complete until the horizontal and the vertical is complete. And your love for Jesus Christ is incomplete until you love the brethren. By abiding in Christ I am able to love other believers. And the more I abide in Christ the more I'm able to love. And the more I abide in Christ the more I'm able to love. The highest expression of my love for a brother or a sister in Christ is when I take the time, when I take the effort, when I expend the energy to confront them, to correct them, to lead them to repentance I bring joy to heaven. And that is why it is vitally important for us to understand the true biblical definition of love and this godly friendship that emanates from it. First I want to tell you that godly love and godly friendship are connected with each other. And then I want to tell you what godly friendship is not before I go on to tell you what it is.

Let me tell you what it is not first. And the best illustration I can think of is that how godly friendship ought not to be is the story of these two guys who were very close friends. They played golf together. I mean they went on vacation with their families together. They always went hiking together. And they loved to camp together. And one morning they got up and they were just having their first cup of coffee. They looked up and there is a grizzly bear was absolutely coming straight for them. So one guy put his running shoes on and was about to run and then the other friend said, what are you doing? You can't outrun that grizzly bear. And they said, no that's not what I'm trying to do. All I need to do is outrun you. Well that is not what godly friendship is.

Please hear me right. Godly friendship never pivots on equal return for service or return of affection. Godly friendship's whole sweep is away from self and toward the loved one. Its desire is for the friend's welfare. Its joy is for the friend's prosperity. Its sorrow is in the friend's misfortune and grief. Its pride is in the friend's attainment and success.

Its constant purpose is of doing and enduring for the friend. What Jesus is telling us in John 15 is this, there is a definite link between love and friendship. Listen to what Jesus said, greater love has no man than this, that one lay his life for his friends. You know, you can think and drink deeply of that statement for the rest of your earthly life and you will not be able to fathom its meaning. I have been trying to comprehend the meaning of that statement with the understanding of what Jesus really meant by the word friend, not the way we use it around here. And I will tell you I will never comprehend it until I get to heaven. Well, the contrast is this to the modern day friendships that are built on the ashes and the straws of selfishness and selfish needs and only what I can get out of a friendship, only what can I get out of a relationship and I'm not getting anything out of this relationship, therefore I got to cut it off.

Oh, how alien what Jesus is saying to this kind of attitude. I want to give you several characteristics of this godly pattern of love and friendship and comes right out of the passage, John 15, 12 to 17. First of all, godly friendship is self-sacrificing. Secondly, godly friendship is a life transforming. Thirdly, godly friendship is intimate. Fourthly, godly friendship is initiative taking.

And fifthly, godly friendship is fruitful. Godly friendship is self-sacrificing. Here's what Jesus said, greater love has no man than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. Now we all know of how people sacrifice their lives to save others, but what Jesus is saying here goes much deeper than this.

It really does. His sacrifice wasn't just for a moment. His price that he paid on the cross wasn't just for that heroic act. Now his death was a deliberate death. It was calculated death. His death was voluntary.

His death was planned from all eternity. I may sacrifice my life for my family or for my friends, but I want to tell you Jesus sacrificed his life for his enemies to make them friends. So what is the measure of Christ's love? It's the cross. And I think most of you sitting here saying, well, I'm safe. We don't have crucifixions these days. I'm safe. I can't measure up to the love of Jesus.

Listen to me, please. The measure of sacrifice is giving up something that is dear and near to you for the sake of the loved one. And what may be dear and near to me might not be near and dear to you.

Each of us have something different that is dear and near to us. I can categorically tell you that you will never understand or experience godly love and friendship until you place on the altar a sacrifice of that which is near and dear to your heart. Godly friendship is self-sacrificing, but it's also life transforming. Look at verse 14 of John 15. The Lord does not say, you become my friends if you do what I say.

No, no. But you are my friend if you do what I command you. What is Jesus saying? He is saying that his friendship is not conditional, but rather his friendship is a transforming friendship. His friendship absolutely radically changes us. His friendship completely alters us. His friendship turns us upside down and inside out. His friendship totally revolutionizes our lives.

Let me ask you this. Has your relationship with Jesus Christ changed your life measurably? Considerably? Has somebody that you've been a friend for a long time can say my life has been changed because of my friendship with him or her?

Can you children say my life has alterably changed because of my parents? Godly friendship is not only self-sacrificing. Godly friendship is not only life transforming, but thirdly, godly friendship leads to intimacy. Look at verse 15, John 15, 15. No longer do I call you slaves, but I have called you friends.

That's God's in all the good sense condescending toward us. This is Jesus calling us friends, but you know, Paul had great joy and privilege and yes, maybe pride in the good sense to be called a servant of the living God. It could be no greater title he can give me than being a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, but Jesus reaches out and he says, as far as I am concerned, you might call yourself my servant, but you are my friend.

I'm inviting you into intimacy with me. And you know, when I reflected a fresh upon this verse last week, I couldn't help but just fall on my face and say, God, Lord Jesus, I, with all of my weaknesses, you call me a friend. I, with all of my unfaithfulness to you, call me a friend. I, with all of my fumbling and stumbling, Jesus calls me a friend. What a privilege. You know, even today in the Middle East, still the highest title a king or a ruler would give to someone will be the title of friend.

As we saw in the earlier courts of affairs, even in the ancient days, that was the case. Therefore, when Jesus is using that word, he's not using it in the same way we use it. Yeah, he's a friend. Yeah, he's a friend. She's a friend. No, that is the highest title that you can give someone to call him a friend. There can be no higher title, no greater intimacy. There can be no closer relationship than the one friend.

Yet God the Son calls me a friend. You can't get more intimate than that. You can't get closer than that.

You can't get higher than that. You can't get a more privileged than being called a friend of Jesus. You know, Jesus said, all things that I have heard from the Father, I have made known to you.

That's what a friendship does. A friend is given information that nobody else has. And I want to tell you, those of you who have put your trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, when you see people all around you, when you see them blinded to the truth of the gospel, when you see them oblivion to the truth of the gospel, but you're not, remember this, you have that information because you are Jesus's friend. When you see people all around you living with no discernment, but you do remember that you have that because you are Jesus's friend. When you see people all around you with no thought of their eternal life, no thought of their eternal future, but you do, it is because you are Jesus's friend.

When you see people all around you have no answers to their prayers, but your prayers are being answered. When you see people around you living in misery, maybe have everything but are miserable, but you have joy and peace in the midst of difficulty and in the midst of difficult circumstances, it is because you are Jesus's friend. Because friendship brings intimacy with God. And when you are Jesus's friends, you know things that others don't. Godly friendship is self-sacrificing, godly friendship is life transforming, godly friendship leads to intimacy, but fourthly also godly friendship takes the initiative.

Probably this one that tears me up the most. Jesus said, you did not choose me, I chose you. How thankful I am that Jesus did not wait until I needed him. He did not wait until I trusted him. He did not wait until I loved him first. It would never have happened.

No way. He initiated love. He initiated grace. He initiated mercy. He initiated wooing me toward him. He initiated calling me to himself. Before I ever realized my desperate need of him, he planned it before the foundation of the earth. He initiated it before all creation. He knew me by name and called me by name before I was ever born. You and I initiate friendships.

We initiate them with people that we like. We initiate them with people with whom we have something in common, but not so with Jesus. He chose us unconditionally by his sovereign call, by his sovereign grace. God's friendship not only involves sacrifice, not only life transforming, not only leads to intimacy, not only initiative taking, but godly friendship finally is fruit bearing.

Listen to what Jesus said. I appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain that whatever you ask the father in my name, he may give it to you. There's no one in the whole world that is more anxious for you to reach your potential like God. As parents, we see the potential in our children and we pray for them and we prod them and we encourage them to reach that potential.

As employers, we see potential in our employees. We try to encourage them to live up to that potential and reach that potential, but none more than Jesus. I appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain that whatever you ask in the father in my name, he may give it to you.

Let me testify to you. Our children endeavor to reach their potential when they know that we parents love them unconditionally and it works the same way in the spiritual life. Show me a faithful Christian and I will show you a man or a woman who knows and lives and believes and practices that Jesus loves them unconditionally. Show me a floundering Christian. Show me an ineffective Christian and I will show you someone who does not deep down believe that Jesus loves them unconditionally. Most times that stems from parents making the horrible mistake of telling their children I will love you if you do this. I will love you if you do that. That could be the worst thing a father or mother could tell their children and they grow up thinking that only God is going to love them if they do this because of Jesus' model of godly love and godly friendship which is self-sacrificing, which is life transforming, which is intimate, initiative taking and fruitful. He is able to go into verse 17 and say, this I command you that you love one another. This very foundational message of godly friendship, if it tells you one thing, husbands, wives, friends listen, it should tell you that there is no worthwhile friendship without the element of sacrifice, without the element of risk, without the element of being vulnerable again and again.

Until then, you cannot develop and make godly friendship. Thank you for joining listeners worldwide for Leading the Way with Dr. Michael Youssef. You can listen to this and other content by subscribing to one of several Leading the Way audio podcasts and you can get the details on all of those when you go to ltw.org. Now one podcast that I'd like to specifically point out is called Candid Conversations with Jonathan Youssef. Dr. Youssef's youngest son, Jonathan, introduces you to various trusted guests and together they help you look at current culture through the lens of God's word. Each weekly conversation provides the tools needed to understand a biblical approach to hard questions facing the world today.

In fact, here's a sample of Candid Conversations. Possessing gold is not the same as embracing the prosperity gospel. Rather, the danger we face is not so much the gold we have, but the gold that has us.

I'm more worried about evangelicals distorting the gospel than I am about who wins this next election. We cannot save our child. We cannot change our child. We cannot make them do really much of anything, but God can work in ways that we can't understand. I knew that Christianity was not an option because I was gay, so I can't pursue that.

So what am I going to do? I was very, very… Sometimes though, we have to remember that what we want is not what is best for us. Strength of the evidence that points so powerfully toward the truth of Christianity, it would have taken more faith to maintain my atheism than to become a Christian. So that's when I put my faith in Christ and my life, like hers, began to change. Only the one that stamped with the blood of Jesus Christ. On what basis do I have confidence I'm going to heaven? The blood of Jesus Christ.

Period. My ticket stamped with that blood. For specific requests, always check them against Scripture.

You could be sure God's desire for you will never go against His Word. Subscribe to Candid Conversations with Jonathan Usef at Apple, YouTube, Amazon Music, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Pandora, TuneIn, or wherever you get your content. Visit ltw.org to learn more about what's available from Leading the Way. This program is furnished by Leading the Way with Dr. Michael Usef.