Do You Really Know Your Child?, Part 2

Remember the day you brought your firstborn child home from the hospital?

Do you recall the butterflies you felt, filled with a strange mix of utter fear and unbridled affection? Well, now that a few years have gone by, you've come to realize that rearing children requires more wisdom than you ever thought. And today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll continues his brand new series called Restoring Your Family's Foundation. In this study, Chuck turns our attention to God's unique handprint on every single child and a parent's responsibility to truly understand his or her distinctive traits. We call on you, our Father, for there is no other who is able to hear us in our needs and meet those needs in the best possible way.

We make requests and you provide answers that honor you and please you, rather than simply giving us what we want. As we view the world around us, we acknowledge with a deep sigh that we are in desperate straits. Some countries are war-torn and war-weary. Their lives are broken, homes are destroyed, cities bombarded, families fractured.

Many have rushed to safety, staying in places that are unfamiliar, living with people they do not know, simply to survive. We pray for these dear people. We ask that by your grace you bring an end to this. Meet the needs of those whose lives are turned upside down, wrong side out. Many of them have come to an end of any sense of peace.

By your grace, you're able to restore it. We count on you to do that. There are places in our own country that homes and families are filled with grief over the sudden and shocking deaths of their loved ones, killed by crazed individuals. Oh Lord, we pray for them, provide for their needs, meet them in their grief, remind us as we sit at our tables for our meals at this very day, for lunch and even supper with an abundance of food that there are many who know nothing of abundance. We thank you for providing our needs. Reach out, we pray, to those whom we cannot touch. Bring a sense of encouragement and hope to those who are on the edge.

Among families that are fractured, even in our own midst, bring healing and hope. Use your word today to open our eyes, our hearts, to see what we've never seen before. Find us willing to hear from you and to adapt our ways to yours. Take our entire lives and let them be consecrated, Lord, to thee. We lay ourselves before you. We trust you to do spiritual surgery and the process change us so that we might be more like your son, Christ. We pray in his great name and for his glory. All his people said, Amen. You're listening to Insight for Living.

To dig deeper into the Bible with Chuck Swindoll, be sure to download his Searching the Scriptures Studies by going to insight.org slash studies. And now the message from Chuck titled, Do You Really Know Your Child? How much better to turn our attention to what we can do to restore relationships in our families, what we can do to get to know our children as well as we possibly can.

For the fact is, we don't know them. So where do we start? The answer is clear and concise.

It's not complicated. It all begins with ground zero Proverbs 22, verse six. Train up a child. This is derived from a Hebrew term that means palette or roof of the mouth. Back in the era of King Solomon. The time when Proverbs were written.

This particular term in Hebrew was used mainly in two ways. First, it was used for breaking a wild horse or a leather strap was placed in the mouth, in the mouth of the horse. And the one riding the horse to break it. Hanging onto these leather straps and this we call it a bridle helps in the process of doing so. Bringing the horse under control and into submission ultimately. The second and more relevant way the term is used is to describe the action of a midwife as she would hold a tiny newborn in her arms. She would dip the tip of her finger into a small pool of crushed grapes or dates and then reach into the mouth of the infant and massage the palate or the gums of the infant, encouraging a sucking response.

It's believed back then to have served as a cleansing agent and the result would also be to create a thirst for the mother's milk. We'll leave that for a moment and take on a child. Train up a child. This refers to a child that covers all ages, including youth, adolescents, and even young adulthood while still under the roof of the parents. So we never stop the training or it isn't just training for little children. This is training that works in the lives of teenagers, those going through those transitional years of becoming more and more mature. It covers infancy through young adulthood.

It's during all of those years while they're under our roof that we're to be engaged as parents in the training of our children. Cultivating a thirst for spiritual things, developing an appetite within the child for that which is right and good and wholesome, even helping to shape their will and bring it into submission. In fact the Hebrew statement reads, train up a child according to his way. What does that mean? It means that each child comes into our home either by actual birth or adoption with a definite, predescribed way given by God, shaped while first in the womb.

That way includes inclinations, interests, characteristics that are unique to that child. See that term in your Bible, way? It's from the Hebrew term, Derek.

It appears four times in two verses of Proverbs 30, 18 and 19. Derek, the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock. Way, Derek, same term, the way of a serpent on a rock. Third, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, Derek, the way of a ship in the sea.

And fourth, the way, Derek, the way of a man with a maid. Think on those four examples for a moment. Ponder them. There's something beautifully unique about an eagle in flight. It's like no other fowl in flight. It has its own unique characteristics, inclinations, abilities. The same is true of a serpent on a rock. You don't just glance at a serpent and look away. You stare at it. You're intrigued by it, the way of a serpent on a rock. And then if you're ever at sea and a large ship passes or is coming toward you, you don't simply glance at it and look elsewhere. You watch it. You study it as it goes by. You're intrigued by it.

There's something about a ship at sea that has its own unique look, characteristics. And while I'm at it, there's no handbook of romance for a man with his wife as they're making love or as they're romancing with one another. The soft embrace. One man with this wife is this way.

This other man, that way. There's a uniqueness. There's a way about that in each couple's lives that is enrapturing and marvelously intimate and pleasant.

Each represents a uniqueness, curious, intriguing characteristics that attracts and captures our attention. You don't try to make one anything like the other. Now listen to the analogy.

So it is with each child. They are not soft, pliable, moldable pieces of clay, no matter what you may have been told. We're not able to mold them as we see fit.

Not without serious ramifications. When we try that, that's when rebellion starts in the home. It's not about that. It's not like we're turning out cookies from the cookie cutter of our home and they all look the same when it's over. They're not meant to be. They weren't born to be.

They weren't prescribed it to be. The most common mistake parents make is rearing all of their children just alike. Our children are as different as eagles are different from serpents. And as different as large ships at sea are different from the intimate ways a man is with his wife. Think about those children in the Bible. Let's go there.

Let's use that as an example. Let's take the first children born to parents, Cain and Abel. Were they alike? Not at all. And when they grew up, were they similar?

Not at all. So severe was the jealousy, envy, hostility between the two that Cain murders Abel. Well, how about Isaac and Ishmael? Same dad. Surely they were alike.

Not at all. They couldn't even get along. It got to where they even had to put Ishmael and his mother out of the house.

For there to be a return to some sense of peace. Well, you say you're stacking the deck. Okay, let's go to twins, Jacob and Esau. Were they alike? They're twins for goodness sake.

Just born minutes from one another. Esau the older of the two. He's a, he's a, scripture calls him a hairy man. He loves the outdoors.

Jacob is altogether different from Esau. He loves to be inside. He liked to cook.

He liked the things of the home. One was the favorite of one parent. One was the favorite of the other.

Which only complicated things. That often happens when you don't know your children. You choose one that's most like you and you favor them.

Or you find one most different and you intensify the discipline sometime to the point of abuse. Jacob and Esau. How about Absalom and Solomon?

Not at all alike. Well, how about David and his brothers? Or Joseph and his brothers? While I'm at it, how about you and your brothers?

Don't answer out loud. Very different, aren't you? You and your sisters.

Different people. Doesn't mean you don't love them. It doesn't mean you don't relate to them. It just means you're different. If I may, I was reared in the home of three children.

Older brother, older sister, and I'm the baby in the family. Brother, brilliant. High intelligence. Magnificent piano skills, musical skills. He's playing sovieto by Bach when he's not even 18 years old.

Patarevsky's minuet. Could have easily become a concert pianist. Went to Rice. Engineering school.

Scholarship. Won the honors in high school. And my sister.

Everybody loved Lucy from earliest years on. Miss popularity. And then I came along. Unplanned. And my mother called it a mistake. I was a mistake. That was the first title that I got.

A mistake. I knew later when we began our family what that meant, but at the time I wasn't sure what that meant. And later I realized because I was kind of in the way.

My older brother, clearly my mother's favorite, and my sister, clearly my dad's favorite. And you run out of parents. And so, you know what happened?

Let me give you the good news. I stuttered pretty badly by the time I got into high school. But there was a teacher there named Dick Neamey who was in charge of the drama courses and debate. And he lined me up to be in both and I couldn't believe he picked me and he said, I'll teach you how to speak without stuttering. My parents had never addressed my stuttering. But my teacher at school did. And I wound up being very comfortable speaking before a group. Thanks to Dick Neamey. I never knew I was a leader. My parents never pointed that out. Don't feel sorry for me, please.

This isn't a pity party for Chuck. This is just my story. So I'm in the Marine Corps and a joint instructor calls me over on one occasion and says to me, hey, Swindle. He knew I hated that, but he called me Swindle the whole time.

Hey, Swindle, come here. Stick out your right arm. So I stuck out my right arm. He wrapped a red band around my arm. He says, you're the best leader in our platoon. You're the right guy.

Now get these guys in shape. What did he just say? Did he call me a leader? I never knew I had leadership skills. I was never told that. You say, surely you knew. I didn't know.

How was I to know? Someone older points it out and explains how that's true. I'm 8,000 miles from home in the Marine Corps and a mentor is there with the navigators and he pours his life into mine and says to me one day, as we have finished ministering on the flatbed, a truck flatbed, did street scene, I sang and then I preached and he's off to the side. He says to me as we're driving back to the base, he said, you know, Chuck, you're a natural.

Natural what? I didn't know what that meant. He said, man, you're made for ministry. You see, I was getting ready to go back home and and go back to my job in the machine shop, because my dad, who is a machinist, felt like I should be a machinist. So I served my apprenticeship in a machine shop for four and a half years. Can you picture me being all my life in a machine shop? Nothing wrong with machine shops.

There's something wrong with my being in one because I don't fit a machine shop. I never enjoyed it. As soon as I got engaged in seminary work, I was I was in my element. I had the time of my life. I had some of the happiest years of my life when Cynthia and I were at Dallas Seminary.

Loved it. Aced the courses, not because I'm brilliant, but because I gave myself to it with diligence, because I'm, according to Bob Newkirk, the navigators, a natural. I never thought of that before. It is the responsibility of parents to help children know what they're good at. How they're made. To observe them so as to understand the inclinations within. You're good with your hands or you're very skilled.

Or or you. What you do on the piano is marvelous. We're going to do our best to get you among the best teachers and develop that ability. Now, be careful, careful here, because if if you don't watch it, you're going to want to make your child to be just like you. Especially if you were frustrated and your child will now do what you weren't able to do. Especially true among athletic fathers who didn't quite make the grade and they've got a son that's good in athletics.

And they push them and push them and push them and push them and push them. Till the child not only wants nothing to do with athletics, he wants nothing to do with his father. One of the greatest things you can do for your child is help your child know who he or she is. It really is. And you have to find that out.

It takes time. As Chuck Swindoll pointed out, each child is born with a unique personality and preferences, and there's much more he wants to show us in the book of Proverbs. You're listening to insight for living. Chuck titled his message.

Do you really know your child? Bear in mind that every sermon you hear on this program is paired with online study notes. We call this resource Searching the Scriptures to take advantage of the free online documents and dig into the Bible passages in the same way. Chuck does go to insight world dot org slash studies. Look for the new series called Restoring Your Family's Foundation. If it's a book you're looking to read, let me recommend a classic from Chuck called Parenting from Surviving to Thriving. You know, this would make a fabulous gift for a young family just getting started to purchase a copy of Chuck Swindoll's book, Parenting from Surviving to Thriving. Go to insight dot org slash store or ask for it when you call us.

If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888. Well, maybe you can recall the day you first heard Chuck's Bible teaching on the family. We often hear from grateful friends who tell us their personal stories. Well, insight for living is infusing biblical truth into families all across the world.

And now through this brand new study from Chuck, it represents the culmination of his Bible teaching and his personal experience as a dad, a grandfather and a great grandfather. We couldn't provide this daily program or the resources that coincide with it without the financial support from friends like you. As God leads you to give a donation so that others can hear the truth about God's design for marriage and family, we urge you to follow his prompting. To give a donation today, call us. If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888. You can also give online at insight dot org slash donate.

Take it from Chuck's window. There's nothing quite like the beauty of the great frontier. Wide open skies, pristine glaciers with various shades of blue and turquoise mingled within them, towering pine trees and all manner of wildlife. I'll tell you, Alaska is truly a masterpiece of God's creation. I've been to a lot of places and seen a lot of things, but honestly, nothing compares to the beauty in Alaska.

God is awesome. Come with us on the inside for living ministries cruise to Alaska July 1st through July 8th, 2023. When I'm in Alaska, I feel like I'm in an amazing painting created by God. Let yourself get lost in the majestic beauty. Spend quality time with those you love. Allow God to refresh your soul as you reflect on his word and his goodness in your life. To learn more, go to insight dot org slash events or call this number 1-888-447-0444.

The tour to Alaska is paid for and made possible by only those who choose to attend. I'm Bill Meyer. Join us next time when Chuck's wind all continues our study on restoring your family's foundation right here on insight for living. The preceding message. Do you really know your child was copyrighted in 2022 and 2023 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2023 by Charles are so and all ink. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.